Are You the Same Person?

[Deleted]

Brene Brown included this on a post on FB:

"The world is always changing. Now it's a racial
reckoning and a pandemic. Before this, we had
the 2008 recession and the dot-com boom.
If you think you're going to come in and operate
your business as if it's February 2020, you're
going to get crushed.
If you think you're leading the same workforce
people with the same mindset, the same
mentality, the same desires, and the same
priorities- you are nuts.
You have to change or get out of the way.
There's no turning back. This is the big reset,
and that's where the hope and opportunity live"
-Scott Sonenshein


It made me think, and wonder just how many people have changed over the last 2 years. Not just in regards to the workforce, but as people, period. I was watching an old episode of a reality tv show last night, and the episode was filmed when the pandemic first started and all the protesting was just starting about George Floyd. It reminded me of all the things I was feeling at the time. 

Then I saw that post today.

A LOT has happened over the last 2 years or so. All of the Presidential election mess and January 6th happened after the events the tv show reminded me of.

I absolutely feel that I’ve changed in some ways since all of that happened. I’m the kind of person that can (usually) hold it together during a crisis, and then fall apart after things calm down or get better. I’ve been operating in crisis and survival mode for a while now, even though it took me a while to realize it. I’m kind of in the falling apart stage now, so it would probably be months from now or longer if I waited to start this thread after I’ve figured my own stuff out. By then, I will have forgotten I even wanted to ask you all the questions lol.

So, have any of the things that have happened since the beginning of 2020 caused you to see things differently about life, our society, our country, work, your life in particular, or anything? Did any of the things we went through as a nation and as individuals over the last couple of years change you in any way?

[countrygirl2]

Oh yes, locally I have come to see sadly, how many people are supposedly good christians who are really hypocrites in the worst way.

How they could idolize and follow trump and say they are christian is beyond me. I have changed my opinion of many people and now no longer respect them.  

Life has definitely changed in a short span of time.

[busymom]

My circle of friends, those that I actually want to see in person, is going to change somewhat when we get back to "normal".  I saw a side of some people, including close friends, that I didn't know existed.  The people who you least suspected of being selfish turned out to be VERY selfish, and wouldn't take the Covid vaccine even to protect their own parents, or other family members or friends.  And, some relatives that I knew had voted for Trump the first election turned into rabid Trumpers.  Haters are gonna hate, I guess, but I don't need to hang out with them.  

On the positive side, we're making more of an effort for "family time".  Just like the t.v. show "Blue Bloods", we're making a priority of everyone sitting down to dinner one night of the week, including my oldest who no longer lives at our house.  


Unfortunately, I don't trust my fellow man quite as much as I used to.  Yes, the good people have shown more kindness, but those on the dark side are a lot more vocal, and at times physical in their attacks.  Makes me glad that I no longer work with the public, but I feel for those folks who do have to deal with the new "crazy".

[swamp]

Apr 13, 2022 18:34:13 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Oh yes, locally I have come to see sadly, how many people are supposedly good christians who are really hypocrites in the worst way.

How they could idolize and follow trump and say they are christian is beyond me. I have changed my opinion of many people and now no longer respect them.  

Life has definitely changed in a short span of time.

This. 

Ive realized some people are just awful and unredeemable racists. This isn’t just small town narrow mindedness, ignorance, or fear.  They are hateful pieces of shit.  And adoration of trump and denial of COVID  usually goes right along with it 

[countrygirl2]

Oh yes, hubs and I have lost friends because of this and another reason I don't care for this community any longer. I still cannot believe the people that follow that guy, its absolutely sickening. But it sure shows peoples true colors.

Another reason I would rather live somewhere more blue.

I'm still in disbelief a woman was arrested and held on $500k bail when they didn't even have a law to hold her on. Yes, she is out, but should have never happened. How many women will have to die before that fiasco is fixed? And Indiana is right up there at the forefront of this craziness.

Just more BS to drive people apart.

[TheOtherMe]

I now trust very few people.

[Deleted]

Apr 13, 2022 18:34:13 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Oh yes, locally I have come to see sadly, how many people are supposedly good christians who are really hypocrites in the worst way.

How they could idolize and follow trump and say they are christian is beyond me. I have changed my opinion of many people and now no longer respect them.  

Life has definitely changed in a short span of time.

I believe that throughout history, humans have done horrible things to other humans, while pretending to be Christians, and even under the guise of Christianity. It is unfortunate, but I don’t think that will ever stop.

That’s all I will say on that.

[laterbloomer]

I don't know that I've changed so much as the last couple of years have sped up my growth and evolution. On a very selfish, personal perspective the pandemic has been good for me. I feel rested and rejuvenated. I am in a more secure financial position. No one close to me got too sick or died from Covid. And I found out that I am more like minded to those closest to me than I realised.

[Deleted]

Apr 13, 2022 18:43:22 GMT -5 busymom said:

My circle of friends, those that I actually want to see in person, is going to change somewhat when we get back to "normal".  I saw a side of some people, including close friends, that I didn't know existed.  The people who you least suspected of being selfish turned out to be VERY selfish, and wouldn't take the Covid vaccine even to protect their own parents, or other family members or friends.  And, some relatives that I knew had voted for Trump the first election turned into rabid Trumpers.  Haters are gonna hate, I guess, but I don't need to hang out with them.  

On the positive side, we're making more of an effort for "family time".  Just like the t.v. show "Blue Bloods", we're making a priority of everyone sitting down to dinner one night of the week, including my oldest who no longer lives at our house.  


Unfortunately, I don't trust my fellow man quite as much as I used to.  Yes, the good people have shown more kindness, but those on the dark side are a lot more vocal, and at times physical in their attacks.  Makes me glad that I no longer work with the public, but I feel for those folks who do have to deal with the new "crazy".

One of the things that has happened for me, is that I am more mindful of making the most of the time I have with my loved ones. 

So many people I know or know of have died over the last 2 years, that it has really kind of freaked me out. All of the deaths weren’t related to COVID, but there have just been so many in such a short amount of time. When my last coworker died a couple weeks ago, less than a week after the funeral for another coworker, when we told the guy that maintains my machines about the most recent death he blurted out “This building is cursed!”. I completely understood why that was his first thought. That’s just how bad it’s been at my job.

But it’s not just been at work, I have close friends that lost their Moms, Mister’s first cousin and an Aunt died, other people I know died, and people that were important to people I know have died.  I am SO very grateful that the people I love the most are still here with me, but all the deaths have still taken a toll on me.

How I’ve come to feel about my fellow man is a whole ‘nother story. Almost everything I’ve ever tried to believe was good about this country has been challenged over the last 2 years, and I’m not doing too good with that either. I’m not too happy about it, but I won’t pretend that I don’t feel what I feel.

[tallguy]

Am I the same person?  Yes.  Do I think about others the same way?  Not at all, but to be fair, that started longer ago than the last two years.  I would say the real decline in my sentiments toward the public truly began in earnest with Republicans in the 1990s, continued with their ongoing dash toward the far-right, and absolutely cratered with the rise of Trumpism and the pandemic.  When much of the country proudly spouts hatred and bigotry (or at least condones it), it's hard to think well of them.  When half of the country demonizes their opponents rather than discussing things with them, or eagerly promotes lies and conspiracies rather than seeking good and truth, it's hard to think well of us as a nation.   

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I’m not religious, but my sister posted a link to this guy about 7-8/years ago, and while I didn’t always agree with a lot of what he says, I think he’s a good writer and thought provoking.  

The other day, I stumbled onto one of his more recent essays.  Over the past few years, I have watched him grapple with his Christianity and where he is today.  This one kind of makes me sad, to see happen.

johnpavlovitz.com/2022/04/10/a-funeral-for-my-christianity-2/

As to whether or not I’m the same person, I think so.  However, I’m…….disappointed?  Discouraged?  Disconcerted?  Frustrated?  (I’m not sure what, all or some of these) at what I have seen over the last 5 years, but the last 2 years was just the punctuation of what was going on beforehand.  

[tallguy]

Apr 13, 2022 23:35:32 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

I’m not religious, but my sister posted a link to this guy about 7-8/years ago, and while I didn’t always agree with a lot of what he says, I think he’s a good writer and thought provoking.  

The other day, I stumbled onto one of his more recent essays.  Over the past few years, I have watched him grapple with his Christianity and where he is today.  This one kind of makes me sad, to see happen.

johnpavlovitz.com/2022/04/10/a-funeral-for-my-christianity-2/

As to whether or not I’m the same person, I think so.  However, I’m…….disappointed?  Discouraged?  Disconcerted?  Frustrated?  (I’m not sure what, all or some of these) at what I have seen over the last 5 years, but the last 2 years was just the punctuation of what was going on beforehand.  

I've read a few of his columns over the years and he has always been a very good read.  I think he is exactly right that the word "Christian" has been hijacked.  I have said many times that probably the majority of people who claim to be Christian now have no real idea of what it means to be one.  And I'd bet that pretty much everybody who uses their "faith" for political reasons is lying about it.  No true Christian could ever support Donald Trump personally if they knew any more than what their leaders tell them.

[saveinla]

I follow other people who follow John - saw a tweet from him today

[finnime]

I'm not the same me as I was in 2016 before the election. That November felled me and spurred me to take part in protests and other activism beginning in 2017 with the Women's March. I had never before been so compelled to act on my beliefs. It was and is good to be with so many others who share my global, national and personal politics. I was not just howling in the wind, alone.

DH's most recent health crisis came concurrent with the pandemic. Both have changed me even more. Now we are moving 450 miles to be closer to my siblings, uprooting the pleasant life I'd settled into. I had thought before, when he went through so much medical crises, that it would be resolved and we'd be back to "normal". The same thing most people had assumed with Covid, that it would leave in its wake a reset to an earlier time. It isn't that way. The world as I knew it has ceased to exist.

Now I sit, accepting my persistent insomnia, confronting older age. My kids are fully adult and we have forged and are forging adult relationships with each other. DH is here. He's deeply loveable to me. I've pulled friends, of whom I've never had many but have deep relationships with, closer. The death tolls have hit me, too. Not directly Covid, most of them, but still. I'm lucky to have choices, I recognize that.

I do feel trepidation about moving into a new community. From what I can tell, people there are not secretly or openly tRumpists. It is Massachusetts. I have faith that we'll find new community.

[giramomma]

Apr 14, 2022 0:19:02 GMT -5 tallguy said:

I've read a few of his columns over the years and he has always been a very good read.  I think he is exactly right that the word "Christian" has been hijacked.  I have said many times that probably the majority of people who claim to be Christian now have no real idea of what it means to be one.  And I'd bet that pretty much everybody who uses their "faith" for political reasons is lying about it.  No true Christian could ever support Donald Trump personally if they knew any more than what their leaders tell them.

I agree. But I'd go one step further and say this is nothing new. People have had no idea what it means to be Christian for a long, long time. And we still don't know now.

Folks just got better at hiding their true feelings. That's not progress. We got lulled into confusing playing the part with progress.

[bookkeeper]

I feel like I have evolved into a different person.  So much so, I changed my voter registration to (R).  DH and I feel we will have more say in our state government by choosing better people at the primary level.  Before the politics of the last two years, I would not have considered changing my registration.  DH and I have cut contact with the people who spew venom wearing a red hat.  Everyone is entitled to their political ideas and beliefs, but America is still open for democracy.  

We spend more time at home.  DH was in a serious car accident the fall before the pandemic began.  A month in the hospital, recovery at home with a wheelchair, therapy and daily naps left me with a new reality.  We were crushing it staying home before the pandemic hit, and just kept on keeping on while waiting for our vaccine.

I had planned on extensive travel during this time of my life, but I am not interested in getting sick away from home.  We still can fly and use our camper to travel, so not totally shut out of that.  Our best change is that we are grandparents.  That too has realigned our priorities this past year.  I see more time and money being lavished on our sons and grandsons.  

I guess the last two years has sharpened the focus on what is really important.

[bookkeeper]

Years ago, our pastor had a sermon about "Christians" and doing Christ's work.  He talked about how many churches are simply country clubs with a steeple on top.  Real Christians live their faith, not just give it lip service.

My mom taught Sunday School for 30 years and practiced most of those lessons on me.  I feel I had a very good religious education growing up.  When people start in claiming this or that is in the bible, I like to call them on it.  I ask if they have ever read the bible front to back.  I ask if they own a bible in their home.  I wonder out loud how these opinions are formed without any personal knowledge of what is inside the book.

I am not a bible thumper.  I don't actively try to persuade anyone to live my religion.  I have my own opinions about the church I was raised in and the beliefs I was taught vs. what I have lived as an adult.

I will call out people who hide behind religion to elevate themselves over others. We are called to love and serve, not divide and hate.

[Deleted]

The past 2-3 years brought many changes in my life as for most of us. The fear, loss and isolation of the pandemic was coupled with a loss of relationships as people aged, died, and moved. DH and I are also aging with all that entails. At the same time I became more aware of the true face of some people I know, ranging from selfishness to downright insanity. We tried to establish a closer relationship with some family members only to learn via social media that they are incredibly fixated on bizarre conspiracy theories and filled with virulent hate and racism. I also found that I no longer could share the vision of a non-profit organization I previously supported and that formed the basis for much of my social interaction.

Several years back, we moved away from a 30+ year affiliation with a mainstream Christian denomination. This was partly because a new priest moved the parish into an ultra-conservative stance which was not compatible with our beliefs, and the lay leadership was changed to reflect that posture as well.

At the same time I was confronted with the long-standing and crushing reality of racism in America, going back to the founding of our country and my state. I am still learning and processing that, while feeling an incredible sense of betrayal that I was taught lies throughout my life.

@pinkcshmere thank you so much for starting this thread - it's really good to hear from everyone on this

[nidena]

From 1996 to 2016, it was "Service Before Self" for me.  I wasn't able to truly protect my own well-being.  Once that time was over, that changed and protecting my own well-being became even more pronounced these past two years.

It's not because anyone died--they did, I just don't feel loss that deeply; never have--it's that I know that I'm the only person who will take care of me and have my best interests at heart.  From the outside looking in, it could be seen as being selfish.  And that's probably true.  But, considering most of the people looking in are parents, their perspectives appear to come from the "sacrifice self to take care of children" way of thinking.

Even my stepmom was like "You need to get a job and make some friends." and I'm thinking "That is a terrible reason to get a job."  Especially when the only ones available in my town are retail ones that will work me during random hours and for crappy pay.

Three years ago, I knew I wanted to help out the community wherever I landed once I moved.  In 2020, the reasons why became even more pronounced as the many curtains were drawn back to expose the very ugly underbelly of this country.

So, I take care of myself so that I can give back within my community.

On a sidenote, if anyone is looking to do/continue anti-racist education and conversations in their circles, Ibram X Kendi just released a deck of conversation starter cards about the topic.

[azucena]

Great topic.  I could echo many of others' sentiments.

My attempt to protect my mental health has been to set boundaries with my girls that they can and should check things with me but don't give classmate names bc we all know they are parroting their parents.  I just can't know who is ignorant, simple-minded, racist, etc when I have to interact with them for years to come.  I have a handful of close parent friends with whom I share similar views, and the rest of the relationships are just perfunctory.  Right o

Similar to a couple of other wives above, I helped DH thru yet another major health crisis just before covid.  Unfortunately, I'm neck deep in the mental health fallout from that for both of us.  Think of it as ptsd-ish and unhealthy coping mechanisms.  Not really ready to share more than that.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

No I'm not. I've done a lot of reading and educating myself on topics that while I wasn't totally ignorant of I didn't realize how deep and systemic it truly was.

And how many people not only buy into it but gleefully so. While I'm sad I've found I prefer it when people open their mouth and remove all doubt. Now I know who you are.

I also became more bitter, unhappy and burnt out as an essential worker. Important my behind more like an excuse to abuse employees even more.

So.I made a change there now that I don't have to worry so much about staying in pods. It's only been a week but DH has commented on how less agitated I Amat night whenI get home.

I need to get other things back on track too. Too much of my mental energy was spent on the immediate need to avoid COVID.

That's lead to slacking as a parent, wife, our diet and our budget. Things are getting better but it's slow.

I'm pretty sure I'm permentately wired now to be over anxious when it comes to TP and canned goods. I'm working on not hoarding and using up what I have first and keeping a small stockpile not ahoard.

[minnesotapaintlady]

I've changed a lot over my life.  Definitely not the same as I was 30 years ago.  But the last 2 years?  I don't think I've changed much in that time.

[Value Buy]

Apr 13, 2022 18:54:23 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Oh yes, hubs and I have lost friends because of this and another reason I don't care for this community any longer. I still cannot believe the people that follow that guy, its absolutely sickening. But it sure shows peoples true colors.

Another reason I would rather live somewhere more blue.

I'm still in disbelief a woman was arrested and held on $500k bail when they didn't even have a law to hold her on. Yes, she is out, but should have never happened. How many women will have to die before that fiasco is fixed? And Indiana is right up there at the forefront of this craziness.

Just more BS to drive people apart.

    Can you please post a link for this? Was this in Indiana?

[Value Buy]

Apr 13, 2022 19:21:31 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I now trust very few people.

Same here, only more people.
If they are a democrat, walk away.

[bookkeeper]

Apr 14, 2022 12:26:24 GMT -5 azucena said:

Great topic.  I could echo many of others' sentiments.

My attempt to protect my mental health has been to set boundaries with my girls that they can and should check things with me but don't give classmate names bc we all know they are parroting their parents.  I just can't know who is ignorant, simple-minded, racist, etc when I have to interact with them for years to come.  I have a handful of close parent friends with whom I share similar views, and the rest of the relationships are just perfunctory.  Right o

Similar to a couple of other wives above, I helped DH thru yet another major health crisis just before covid.  Unfortunately, I'm neck deep in the mental health fallout from that for both of us.  Think of it as ptsd-ish and unhealthy coping mechanisms.  Not really ready to share more than that.

My mental health also suffered greatly after the accident.  The accident and recovery was all about him.  The toll this took on our family and myself was not really his concern.  I took a stand and established more boundaries.   I became clear about what I really wanted from our marriage.  I had to depend on my DH for care after my hip surgery last year.  Talk about PTSD!  We did work through it, but he heard it hard from me when he got his turn at caregiving.  I was very angry for a long time.  Big life changing events like this leave you mourning your old way of life, or what you thought you may have had.

Things will never be the same, but they still can be good.  You have to give yourself time.

[swamp]

Apr 14, 2022 13:31:07 GMT -5 Value Buy said:

Apr 13, 2022 18:54:23 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Oh yes, hubs and I have lost friends because of this and another reason I don't care for this community any longer. I still cannot believe the people that follow that guy, its absolutely sickening. But it sure shows peoples true colors.

Another reason I would rather live somewhere more blue.

I'm still in disbelief a woman was arrested and held on $500k bail when they didn't even have a law to hold her on. Yes, she is out, but should have never happened. How many women will have to die before that fiasco is fixed? And Indiana is right up there at the forefront of this craziness.

Just more BS to drive people apart.

    Can you please post a link for this? Was this in Indiana?

It was in TX. She was indicted for a self induced abortion. The hospital reported her. The charges were dismissed a few days later.

[chiver78]

Apr 14, 2022 2:48:24 GMT -5 finnime said:

I'm not the same me as I was in 2016 before the election. That November felled me and spurred me to take part in protests and other activism beginning in 2017 with the Women's March. I had never before been so compelled to act on my beliefs. It was and is good to be with so many others who share my global, national and personal politics. I was not just howling in the wind, alone.

DH's most recent health crisis came concurrent with the pandemic. Both have changed me even more. Now we are moving 450 miles to be closer to my siblings, uprooting the pleasant life I'd settled into. I had thought before, when he went through so much medical crises, that it would be resolved and we'd be back to "normal". The same thing most people had assumed with Covid, that it would leave in its wake a reset to an earlier time. It isn't that way. The world as I knew it has ceased to exist.

Now I sit, accepting my persistent insomnia, confronting older age. My kids are fully adult and we have forged and are forging adult relationships with each other. DH is here. He's deeply loveable to me. I've pulled friends, of whom I've never had many but have deep relationships with, closer. The death tolls have hit me, too. Not directly Covid, most of them, but still. I'm lucky to have choices, I recognize that.

I do feel trepidation about moving into a new community. From what I can tell, people there are not secretly or openly tRumpists. It is Massachusetts. I have faith that we'll find new community.

I have stories.... but yes, they are definitely the minority. sadly, the loud and vocal minority. we can PM rather than hijack this thread, though

[giramomma]

I'm not the same person.

But, I've been through lots of firsts over the past couple of years: a pandemic, death of a parent and real health thing.

I also was turned loose at work, for a while. So, for a while, we learned how capable I actually am.

I advocate for myself more, where/when I can.

I am more sure of myself.

I'm trying to take better care of myself.

I care less about what others think of me.

I still can't read a book worth anything. It's a little depressing.

I'm pretty grateful that my eyes open every day.

[Tennesseer]

Apr 14, 2022 13:32:16 GMT -5 Value Buy said:

Apr 13, 2022 19:21:31 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I now trust very few people.

Same here, only more people.
If they are a democrat, walk away.

But you will walk right into trump's arms.

[Deleted]

Well, if we are going to take this thread really real-I'm maybe more effed-up in some ways, maybe shorter fused, but also way more realistic and weirdly empowered. And that may or may not be a bad thing because my shorter fuse has a whole lot to do with not being as needy as I used to be. That's what happens when you realize you are all you have or ever will have, pathetic as that may be, because folks you called friends, neighbors, or even husband aren't there, never will be, can't psychologically be. During the past 2 years I have become far more outspoken in my marriage relationship. Honestly, the last 2 years have given me a profound sense of release, release from false beliefs in false relationships.