Are You the Same Person?

[susana1954]

I am not the same person at all.  I am a widow and retired--my relationship with DH and my job helped define me back then. I quit drinking because I decided it was unhealthy.  I started going to church more because it was good for me.  I am more social than I used to be.

You guys are in the fast lane of life, understandably worrying about tomorrow, the future of humanity, and so on.  I am over it.  

And you know what? Being over it brings a nice peace with it.

[tractor]

I don't think we are ever the same year to year. We get older, friends and priorities change, preferences shift. I don't want to be who I was two years ago, I want to be better, I want to be more empathetic, financially stable, more of a servant, less of a burden.

I've been able to accomplish all those things and more and can't wait to see what the ne to two years bring.

[countrygirl2]

Can you please post a link for this? Was this in Indiana?


The lady was in Texas, the repubs put her in jail because she had an abortion on her own. Guess she managed to do it herself. This sort of thing is crazy, how did they even decide to arrest her? Repubs have lost their collective minds I guess. They did get her out of jail.

[Tennesseer]

Apr 14, 2022 0:19:02 GMT -5 tallguy said:

Apr 13, 2022 23:35:32 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

I’m not religious, but my sister posted a link to this guy about 7-8/years ago, and while I didn’t always agree with a lot of what he says, I think he’s a good writer and thought provoking.  

The other day, I stumbled onto one of his more recent essays.  Over the past few years, I have watched him grapple with his Christianity and where he is today.  This one kind of makes me sad, to see happen.

johnpavlovitz.com/2022/04/10/a-funeral-for-my-christianity-2/

As to whether or not I’m the same person, I think so.  However, I’m…….disappointed?  Discouraged?  Disconcerted?  Frustrated?  (I’m not sure what, all or some of these) at what I have seen over the last 5 years, but the last 2 years was just the punctuation of what was going on beforehand.  

I've read a few of his columns over the years and he has always been a very good read.  I think he is exactly right that the word "Christian" has been hijacked.  I have said many times that probably the majority of people who claim to be Christian now have no real idea of what it means to be one.  And I'd bet that pretty much everybody who uses their "faith" for political reasons is lying about it.  No true Christian could ever support Donald Trump personally if they knew any more than what their leaders tell them.

[Deleted]

Apr 14, 2022 21:05:40 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

The lady was in Texas, the repubs put her in jail because she had an abortion on her own. Guess she managed to do it herself. This sort of thing is crazy, how did they even decide to arrest her? Repubs have lost their collective minds I guess. They did get her out of jail.

NPR just had an interesting Fresh Air podcast interview on "The Abortion Underground".  Women are working to provide other women with access to abortions- some are providing the pills that bring on a miscarriage and some learning to use some simple equipment.  One who's a licensed boat pilot takes the boat into international waters where the laws don't apply. I've always said that if you outlaw it, wealthy women will have access one way or another.  The poor women may resort to cruder and more dangerous methods.

In answer to the original post:  I don't think I've changed that much but like others, I HAVE been saddened at the polarization that's developed in this country and at the beliefs of many of my friends and family whom I thought were intelligent.  (One brother still is not vaccinated.)  Also, a couple of rounds of CRT (since I'm part of church leadership) have led me to focus my charitable giving more to organizations that help people improve their situations (education, etc.).  

I am a Christian.  I'm preaching the Good Friday sermon tonight.  My denomination, however, does not consider sexual orientation in decisions on who gets married or ordained.  Birth control is a private matter and for most of us, abortion is considered something that, as Obama said, should be safe, legal and rare.  The people who use the Bible as a weapon and claim that Jesus would want them to do all the crap they're doing just alienate people form organized religion and sends more of them to the soccer fields on Sunday morning.

[nidena]

Apr 15, 2022 9:01:46 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

I chuckled at this only because I was just telling myself:
"I'll go to Costco on Sunday when all the mean people are at church"

My grandpa used to say, as we drove passed full church parking lots on Sunday: "See that.  They're so mean, they gotta go to church."  so the phrase kind of stuck and, in many cases, it's not untrue.

[Value Buy]

Apr 14, 2022 19:06:22 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Well, if we are going to take this thread really real-I'm maybe more effed-up in some ways, maybe shorter fused, but also way more realistic and weirdly empowered. And that may or may not be a bad thing because my shorter fuse has a whole lot to do with not being as needy as I used to be. That's what happens when you realize you are all you have or ever will have, pathetic as that may be, because folks you called friends, neighbors, or even husband aren't there, never will be, can't psychologically be. During the past 2 years I have become far more outspoken in my marriage relationship. Honestly, the last 2 years have given me a profound sense of release, release from false beliefs in false relationships.

Sorry for the earlier post about democrats, but in my case it is true.
I was good up to about two months ago when democrat friends and family tell me how great Biden is and how he has united the country.
HUH? 

Sorry, but I am done with them. talk about drinking the kool-aid.
No, I am not disowning anyone, but my gosh........so disappointed in people. Some even believe Biden is responsible for the vaccine.

Only other thing is the darn pandemic and so many changes in direction, and yeh, Iget it, as we advance through the different stages we learn more about it. but darn, quit writing and directing the people like everything is written in stone, and you deserve to be hors whipped if you do not comply........
Would it kill them to say, "we got that last directive wrong (or an earlier one) and just admit it? Makes them more believeable, imo

[countrygirl2]

trump has torn this country apart. I think it's pulling together a bit now. I do lots of polls and from what I'm seeing he is losing some influence because he keeps beating the dead, I won the election argument. Also, if you open your eyes you can see the corruption he and his family stand for, its there for all to see.

I'm hopeful he will mostly fade from view as the next 3 years go forward. We need caring, good laws, and unity in this country, not some demon like him trying to destroy our democracy. There is a lot wrong in this country, but still a lot of good. We will have to fight for some time to undo his voter suppression and hate he has generated. Hope it can be done.

I still have hope.

[Deleted]

Another thought on changes: I'm more claustrophobic in closed, crowded areas now. I've been on plane flights- Alaska last August and Ohio last October- but am really paranoid about inhaling others' exhalations, even with a mask. I try to avoid long waiting lines in crowded areas unless I absolutely have to be there. COVID may fade as a threat but it was a clear lesson in how communicable diseases can get transmitted.

[TheOtherMe]

I found out the truth about my family and a few friends, my neighbors and my town, my county and my state.  I don't want anything to do with most of those people.  

I had chose my friends pretty well because we agree on things.  That's probably why we are friends.  

On the birthday call yesterday, my sister told me I should skip the 2nd vaccine today because I would be better off with herd immunity.  This is one of many reasons I don't talk to her much and really don't care to see her.

I have a flight to Toronto purchased for July.  It's from a credit that got canceled due to Covid.  I had enough of a credit that on 3 of the 4 legs, I am in first class.  The other one is on a small plane and I have the front bulkhead seat, so shouldn't feel crowded once I get on the plane.

After my recent Covid experience, I will not stay on a crowded elevator with unmasked people.  

[countrygirl2]

All 3 of us just had our 4th covid booster shot. We will keep getting them long as they advocate, we should. Need to remind son also. And now they have boosters for ages 5 to 12.

[tallguy]

Apr 15, 2022 10:02:58 GMT -5 Value Buy said:

Apr 14, 2022 19:06:22 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Well, if we are going to take this thread really real-I'm maybe more effed-up in some ways, maybe shorter fused, but also way more realistic and weirdly empowered. And that may or may not be a bad thing because my shorter fuse has a whole lot to do with not being as needy as I used to be. That's what happens when you realize you are all you have or ever will have, pathetic as that may be, because folks you called friends, neighbors, or even husband aren't there, never will be, can't psychologically be. During the past 2 years I have become far more outspoken in my marriage relationship. Honestly, the last 2 years have given me a profound sense of release, release from false beliefs in false relationships.

Sorry for the earlier post about democrats, but in my case it is true.
I was good up to about two months ago when democrat friends and family tell me how great Biden is and how he has united the country.
HUH? 

Sorry, but I am done with them. talk about drinking the kool-aid.
No, I am not disowning anyone, but my gosh........so disappointed in people. Some even believe Biden is responsible for the vaccine.

Only other thing is the darn pandemic and so many changes in direction, and yeh, Iget it, as we advance through the different stages we learn more about it. but darn, quit writing and directing the people like everything is written in stone, and you deserve to be hors whipped if you do not comply........
Would it kill them to say, "we got that last directive wrong (or an earlier one) and just admit it? Makes them more believeable, imo

No, Biden is not great, but he at least does care about this country and its people, and tries to do what is good and right.  Fortunately, the bar for him to clear to be a tremendous improvement over his predecessor is pretty low:  Don't be a traitorous, wannabe dictator.  Don't rape America and Americans for everything you can get.  Don't try to destroy American democracy.  And don't be a f***ing disaster in every other area too.  

I can pretty easily give Biden credit for those things.

[Deleted]

My hurt, sorrow and anger were not because some friends and family hold different political views. We've always known that and don't care; it's their right and ours to engage politically with the parties and candidates of their and our choosing. What we found devastating was that suddenly folks we've known for many decades said DH and I were pedophiles, mass murderers, devil worshippers, and worse. Suddenly I was "morally bankrupt and Satan's own" not long after sending graduation gifts, shower gifts, spending $$ to attend an out-of-town event honoring someone's career achievements. And the friend who loaned them $2000 was suddenly an "ignorant and mindless sheeple" because I got a vaccination and wore a mask.

Why did they need to hate us after so many years of friendship and blood relationship?

[finnime]

Apr 15, 2022 15:16:05 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

My hurt, sorrow and anger were not because some friends and family hold different political views. We've always known that and don't care; it's their right and ours to engage politically with the parties and candidates of their and our choosing. What we found devastating was that suddenly folks we've known for many decades said DH and I were pedophiles, mass murderers, devil worshippers, and worse. Suddenly I was "morally bankrupt and Satan's own" not long after sending graduation gifts, shower gifts, spending $$ to attend an out-of-town event honoring someone's career achievements. And the friend who loaned them $2000 was suddenly an "ignorant and mindless sheeple" because I got a vaccination and wore a mask.

Why did they need to hate us after so many years of friendship and blood relationship?

That's inexcusably awful.

[tallguy]

Apr 15, 2022 15:18:44 GMT -5 finnime said:

Apr 15, 2022 15:16:05 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

My hurt, sorrow and anger were not because some friends and family hold different political views. We've always known that and don't care; it's their right and ours to engage politically with the parties and candidates of their and our choosing. What we found devastating was that suddenly folks we've known for many decades said DH and I were pedophiles, mass murderers, devil worshippers, and worse. Suddenly I was "morally bankrupt and Satan's own" not long after sending graduation gifts, shower gifts, spending $$ to attend an out-of-town event honoring someone's career achievements. And the friend who loaned them $2000 was suddenly an "ignorant and mindless sheeple" because I got a vaccination and wore a mask.

Why did they need to hate us after so many years of friendship and blood relationship?

That's inexcusably awful.

But pretty on point for Trump supporters.  

[Deleted]

When I read the OP, politics did not even cross my mind.

Yes - I have changed - I learned that every thought and action involves politics. Someone didn't wear a mask in the empty post office = Trumpster. Someone bought an electric car = democrat. I am having a hard time giving up my independent thinking. Is there a membership manual for the political parties?

I love shopping at independently owned stores. It never crossed my mind to consider the race of the owner. I changed because now before spending money at these stores I must find out the race and political party of the owner. Do you know how hard that is? Is there any easy way to discover this?

I am falling apart. Why can't I take birth control pills or buy a book without being judged?

[skeeter]

Apr 15, 2022 15:16:05 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

My hurt, sorrow and anger were not because some friends and family hold different political views. We've always known that and don't care; it's their right and ours to engage politically with the parties and candidates of their and our choosing. What we found devastating was that suddenly folks we've known for many decades said DH and I were pedophiles, mass murderers, devil worshippers, and worse. Suddenly I was "morally bankrupt and Satan's own" not long after sending graduation gifts, shower gifts, spending $$ to attend an out-of-town event honoring someone's career achievements. And the friend who loaned them $2000 was suddenly an "ignorant and mindless sheeple" because I got a vaccination and wore a mask.

Why did they need to hate us after so many years of friendship and blood relationship?

OMG, I am soooo sorry you and your DH have been subjected to such despicable behavior from people you liked/loved/respected/trusted. 

[Deleted]

Apr 15, 2022 15:39:43 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

When I read the OP, politics did not even cross my mind.

Yes - I have changed - I learned that every thought and action involves politics. Someone didn't wear a mask in the empty post office = Trumpster. Someone bought an electric car = democrat. I am having a hard time giving up my independent thinking. Is there a membership manual for the political parties?

I love shopping at independently owned stores. It never crossed my mind to consider the race of the owner. I changed because now before spending money at these stores I must find out the race and political party of the owner. Do you know how hard that is? Is there any easy way to discover this?

I am falling apart. Why can't I take birth control pills or buy a book without being judged?

Perhaps the core, the basic root, of what some of us have experienced (and maybe, just maybe have done ourselves, at least a little bit?) is judgment.  Being judged or judging others on externals like mask wearing or not wearing.  EV or gasoline powered.  Vegan vs. vegetarian vs. carnivore.  Like if I shop at Whole Foods I am a white elitist, but if I shop at WalMart I don't support American labor.  Locally, the big thing currently is about political signs - whether or not they say "printed by American union labor".  Guess what, I have enough research to do finding a quality candidate before I check on where they get their signs and flyers printed.  

Part of the reason I've pulled back from human contact is this judgment thing.  I no longer feel comfortable with even casual chit-chat.  We plan to go see a movie Sunday.  Will I mention that to anyone?  Noooooooo!  First question would be why I wasn't in church for Easter, followed by either "you didn't go see a Disney movie did you, you know they are evil? or "you better have gone to see a Disney movie to support their political stance in Florida".  Why can't I just say we went the movies for the 1st time in 3 long years and it was a lot of fun?  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Apr 15, 2022 10:35:07 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

trump has torn this country apart. I think it's pulling together a bit now. I do lots of polls and from what I'm seeing he is losing some influence because he keeps beating the dead, I won the election argument. Also, if you open your eyes you can see the corruption he and his family stand for, its there for all to see.

I'm hopeful he will mostly fade from view as the next 3 years go forward. We need caring, good laws, and unity in this country, not some demon like him trying to destroy our democracy. There is a lot wrong in this country, but still a lot of good. We will have to fight for some time to undo his voter suppression and hate he has generated. Hope it can be done.

I still have hope.

The country was pulling apart long before Trump, Trump just utilized it to his advantage.  The signs were all there, in black and white.  

[Deleted]

Is there a way to find out a store owner's race? If I am in a new town searching out independently owned bookstores or coffee shops, I need to know the owner's race and sexual identity. I never cared about those things before.
Books - I always read books that are bestsellers or genres I enjoy. Now I have to check the author's race. That's pretty easy to find though.

What if there is a book I buy and the author is white and the store owner is white? Am I a racist? Does that mean I voted for Trump?

[TheOtherMe]

Apr 15, 2022 15:16:05 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

My hurt, sorrow and anger were not because some friends and family hold different political views. We've always known that and don't care; it's their right and ours to engage politically with the parties and candidates of their and our choosing. What we found devastating was that suddenly folks we've known for many decades said DH and I were pedophiles, mass murderers, devil worshippers, and worse. Suddenly I was "morally bankrupt and Satan's own" not long after sending graduation gifts, shower gifts, spending $$ to attend an out-of-town event honoring someone's career achievements. And the friend who loaned them $2000 was suddenly an "ignorant and mindless sheeple" because I got a vaccination and wore a mask.

Why did they need to hate us after so many years of friendship and blood relationship?

I heard this stuff from family.  I no longer care if I see those family members again.  

[stillmovingforward]

Apr 15, 2022 16:53:20 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Apr 15, 2022 15:39:43 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

When I read the OP, politics did not even cross my mind.

Yes - I have changed - I learned that every thought and action involves politics. Someone didn't wear a mask in the empty post office = Trumpster. Someone bought an electric car = democrat. I am having a hard time giving up my independent thinking. Is there a membership manual for the political parties?

I love shopping at independently owned stores. It never crossed my mind to consider the race of the owner. I changed because now before spending money at these stores I must find out the race and political party of the owner. Do you know how hard that is? Is there any easy way to discover this?

I am falling apart. Why can't I take birth control pills or buy a book without being judged?

Perhaps the core, the basic root, of what some of us have experienced (and maybe, just maybe have done ourselves, at least a little bit?) is judgment.  Being judged or judging others on externals like mask wearing or not wearing.  EV or gasoline powered.  Vegan vs. vegetarian vs. carnivore.  Like if I shop at Whole Foods I am a white elitist, but if I shop at WalMart I don't support American labor.  Locally, the big thing currently is about political signs - whether or not they say "printed by American union labor".  Guess what, I have enough research to do finding a quality candidate before I check on where they get their signs and flyers printed.  

Part of the reason I've pulled back from human contact is this judgment thing.  I no longer feel comfortable with even casual chit-chat.  We plan to go see a movie Sunday.  Will I mention that to anyone?  Noooooooo!  First question would be why I wasn't in church for Easter, followed by either "you didn't go see a Disney movie did you, you know they are evil? or "you better have gone to see a Disney movie to support their political stance in Florida".  Why can't I just say we went the movies for the 1st time in 3 long years and it was a lot of fun?  

Why worry so much about what others say and think? I never do. It's very liberating. Now, I don't have many 'normal' or cliché friends but I'm comfortable in what I do, what decisions I make, and what I choose to do. My life is too short to live it for others.

[Deleted]

Apr 15, 2022 17:39:56 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

Apr 15, 2022 16:53:20 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Perhaps the core, the basic root, of what some of us have experienced (and maybe, just maybe have done ourselves, at least a little bit?) is judgment.  Being judged or judging others on externals like mask wearing or not wearing.  EV or gasoline powered.  Vegan vs. vegetarian vs. carnivore.  Like if I shop at Whole Foods I am a white elitist, but if I shop at WalMart I don't support American labor.  Locally, the big thing currently is about political signs - whether or not they say "printed by American union labor".  Guess what, I have enough research to do finding a quality candidate before I check on where they get their signs and flyers printed.  

Part of the reason I've pulled back from human contact is this judgment thing.  I no longer feel comfortable with even casual chit-chat.  We plan to go see a movie Sunday.  Will I mention that to anyone?  Noooooooo!  First question would be why I wasn't in church for Easter, followed by either "you didn't go see a Disney movie did you, you know they are evil? or "you better have gone to see a Disney movie to support their political stance in Florida".  Why can't I just say we went the movies for the 1st time in 3 long years and it was a lot of fun?  

Why worry so much about what others say and think? I never do. It's very liberating. Now, I don't have many 'normal' or cliché friends but I'm comfortable in what I do, what decisions I make, and what I choose to do. My life is too short to live it for others.

I don't want family members getting mad and/or disowning me because I spent money at a store owned by a white person.
My family is already in a tiff because some of us attended our uncle's funeral in January. I miss my extended family.
I am lonely and I always enjoyed visiting with aunts, uncles, and cousins. I appreciated my time with them.
I have never been so lonely and isolated in my life. It's so hard to tell what is going to make my family cut me off. 
My sister has not talked to me since the 2020 family Christmas gathering I did not attend.

[raeoflyte]

Apr 15, 2022 17:32:07 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

Is there a way to find out a store owner's race? If I am in a new town searching out independently owned bookstores or coffee shops, I need to know the owner's race and sexual identity. I never cared about those things before.
Books - I always read books that are bestsellers or genres I enjoy. Now I have to check the author's race. That's pretty easy to find though.

What if there is a book I buy and the author is white and the store owner is white? Am I a racist? Does that mean I voted for Trump?

That's insane and/or trolling. Making a point to support minority owned businesses doesn't mean you're a racist if you read or buy something from a white person. Practically everything you ever read in school and probably for fun were by white authors. Realizing that invisible bias and making an effort to branch out is the point.

[giramomma]

Apr 15, 2022 16:53:20 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Apr 15, 2022 15:39:43 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

When I read the OP, politics did not even cross my mind.

Yes - I have changed - I learned that every thought and action involves politics. Someone didn't wear a mask in the empty post office = Trumpster. Someone bought an electric car = democrat. I am having a hard time giving up my independent thinking. Is there a membership manual for the political parties?

I love shopping at independently owned stores. It never crossed my mind to consider the race of the owner. I changed because now before spending money at these stores I must find out the race and political party of the owner. Do you know how hard that is? Is there any easy way to discover this?

I am falling apart. Why can't I take birth control pills or buy a book without being judged?

Perhaps the core, the basic root, of what some of us have experienced (and maybe, just maybe have done ourselves, at least a little bit?) is judgment.  Being judged or judging others on externals like mask wearing or not wearing.  EV or gasoline powered.  Vegan vs. vegetarian vs. carnivore.  Like if I shop at Whole Foods I am a white elitist, but if I shop at WalMart I don't support American labor.  Locally, the big thing currently is about political signs - whether or not they say "printed by American union labor".  Guess what, I have enough research to do finding a quality candidate before I check on where they get their signs and flyers printed.  

Part of the reason I've pulled back from human contact is this judgment thing.  I no longer feel comfortable with even casual chit-chat.  We plan to go see a movie Sunday.  Will I mention that to anyone?  Noooooooo!  First question would be why I wasn't in church for Easter, followed by either "you didn't go see a Disney movie did you, you know they are evil? or "you better have gone to see a Disney movie to support their political stance in Florida".  Why can't I just say we went the movies for the 1st time in 3 long years and it was a lot of fun?  

I dunno.

The judgement thing has always been there for me. I have a useless degree.  Then I got married and was the primary breadwinner in our family. DH is the primary caregiver of our kids.

I formula fed. Talk about judgement.

And on and on it goes.

IMVHO, people judge because they have nothing else to occupy their lives with or they just need to feel better about themselves. I am always amazed that there are people with children, in particular,  that have so little on their plate that they have the time/energy/brainpower to dig deep into other people's lives. Sometimes, it makes me wonder what's wrong with my lifing, because...the plate is full. I was just thankful this week that we didn't leave anyone behind anywhere and everyone got to school on days that school were open.

It's a sad reflection on who is doing the judging rather than the folks that our being judged.

After my chat my mom today, I looked up transactional relationships.   That's the kind of relationship she prefers. It also is the optimal relationship for keeping track of what others do or don't..which of course then feeds into judgement.

It's good stuff to think about..how transactional are my relationships...and is that good?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

People who can't handle where you shop are virtue signaling and isn't actually solvingor helping anything. I would bet if you followed them around for a week you would see they don't always walk the walk.

We're all hypocrites in some fashion.

If they are simply asking you to broaden your horizons and be aware there is a whole wide world out there that is different.

I don't waste my time with the former. The latter are worth listening to and considering.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Apr 15, 2022 17:48:01 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

Apr 15, 2022 17:39:56 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

Why worry so much about what others say and think? I never do. It's very liberating. Now, I don't have many 'normal' or cliché friends but I'm comfortable in what I do, what decisions I make, and what I choose to do. My life is too short to live it for others.

I don't want family members getting mad and/or disowning me because I spent money at a store owned by a white person.
My family is already in a tiff because some of us attended our uncle's funeral in January. I miss my extended family.
I am lonely and I always enjoyed visiting with aunts, uncles, and cousins. I appreciated my time with them.
I have never been so lonely and isolated in my life. It's so hard to tell what is going to make my family cut me off. 
My sister has not talked to me since the 2020 family Christmas gathering I did not attend.

If they would, then let them.  I wouldn't want to associate with family members that concerned themselves that much with what I do anyhow. 

[Deleted]

Apr 16, 2022 11:17:55 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Apr 15, 2022 16:53:20 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Perhaps the core, the basic root, of what some of us have experienced (and maybe, just maybe have done ourselves, at least a little bit?) is judgment.  Being judged or judging others on externals like mask wearing or not wearing.  EV or gasoline powered.  Vegan vs. vegetarian vs. carnivore.  Like if I shop at Whole Foods I am a white elitist, but if I shop at WalMart I don't support American labor.  Locally, the big thing currently is about political signs - whether or not they say "printed by American union labor".  Guess what, I have enough research to do finding a quality candidate before I check on where they get their signs and flyers printed.  

Part of the reason I've pulled back from human contact is this judgment thing.  I no longer feel comfortable with even casual chit-chat.  We plan to go see a movie Sunday.  Will I mention that to anyone?  Noooooooo!  First question would be why I wasn't in church for Easter, followed by either "you didn't go see a Disney movie did you, you know they are evil? or "you better have gone to see a Disney movie to support their political stance in Florida".  Why can't I just say we went the movies for the 1st time in 3 long years and it was a lot of fun?  

I dunno.

The judgement thing has always been there for me. I have a useless degree.  Then I got married and was the primary breadwinner in our family. DH is the primary caregiver of our kids.

I formula fed. Talk about judgement.

And on and on it goes.

IMVHO, people judge because they have nothing else to occupy their lives with or they just need to feel better about themselves. I am always amazed that there are people with children, in particular,  that have so little on their plate that they have the time/energy/brainpower to dig deep into other people's lives. Sometimes, it makes me wonder what's wrong with my lifing, because...the plate is full. I was just thankful this week that we didn't leave anyone behind anywhere and everyone got to school on days that school were open.

It's a sad reflection on who is doing the judging rather than the folks that our being judged.

After my chat my mom today, I looked up transactional relationships.   That's the kind of relationship she prefers. It also is the optimal relationship for keeping track of what others do or don't..which of course then feeds into judgement.

It's good stuff to think about..how transactional are my relationships...and is that good?

[Deleted]

Several years ago I told DH that I found one friend to be exhausting in that she had and expressed an opinion on everyone and everything in existence from national politics to the color shirt a neighbor wore. I could never figure out where she got the energy to constantly evaluate and rank all that stuff. I still love her dearly for her good traits, but I know deep down that she is constantly judging me as she does all others so I am somewhat wary with her now, not as open as I used to be.

[Deleted]

Apr 16, 2022 12:16:45 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

People who can't handle where you shop are virtue signaling and isn't actually solvingor helping anything. I would bet if you followed them around for a week you would see they don't always walk the walk.

We're all hypocrites in some fashion.

If they are simply asking you to broaden your horizons and be aware there is a whole wide world out there that is different.

I don't waste my time with the former. The latter are worth listening to and considering.

I have one group of friends that says we should buy hard copy books from a local small business to support them, instead of reading books on Kindle and supporting the evils of Amazon.  And another group of friends that says e-books are more environmentally responsible because trees aren't being killed to produce paper pulp and there's no emission-belching trucks delivering them to stores.  And me, well, I say it's 16 miles round trip to the nearest small bookseller which uses about a gallon of gas in my car and produces emissions.  And the average price of a hardback book is $25-$30 which is not affordable for us as DH reads a book weekly.  And being able to enlarge the font and change the contrast on his Kindle enables him to read more easily with his eyesight.  So who's right and who's wrong? 


It's like the question of what to eat for Easter.  If you say lamb, you are killing a baby sheep, and veal is killing a baby cow.  Fish will get the whole wild-caught vs. farmed debate, while roast beef or ham will stir up the concern about methane production in commercial ranching.  The next time someone asks me what I'm eating for a holiday meal, I'm going to answer "a-holes, because they are in great supply these days"