middle age dating

[Deleted]

Are any of your experiencing the joys of middle age dating? (being facetious)

Doesn't it suck? 

Any success stories?

A few years ago I tried online dating. I live in a rural area where there are not many single people the way it is. One of my main problems is finding a financially stable man. I don't want to be anyone's retirement plan. It is also hard to find someone that is looking for a monogamous relationship.

I guess I quit trying. If I meet someone, I meet someone. My alone time is precious and I am comfortable being alone. There is a man in my radar now that has a state job, we enjoy each other's company, and it seems like we have the same values. The problem is that I am eight years older than him. It's more of a problem for him. :-)

[andi9899]

I'm in the same boat. If I meet someone I do, if I don't I don't. I too am comfortable being alone. I dated a man once that was 19 years older than me. It wasn't a problem for me, but he never got 100% comfortable with the age difference. Oh well.

[chiver78]

yep, samesies. I thought I had an amazing thing until a couple months before COVID, but apparently after some serious conversations about the immediate future, all of it was somehow in my head. (obv the super short version)

right now, I'm still not really going anywhere or doing anything. so there isn't much opportunity to meet anyone. if something happens with someone, great. if not, whatever. I'm fine on my own with the pups. I also don't want to be someone's retirement plan, and I don't need anyone to pay my bills. this seems to be a huge stumbling block for me, which I just can't understand.

[Deleted]

I got into a new relationship via Match.com 3 years ago at the age of 65.  So far it's gone very well.  We enjoy each other's company, especially snuggling up together at night occasionally, we travel well together and it's monogamous.  He doesn't have as much money as I do but he pays what I consider a fair share of our travel and restaurant expenses and would never expect me to buy him luxuries not in his budget.  (More than I can say for my first husband, who was a leech.)  

We have cheerfully agreed that we don't want to marry or even cohabitate.  Very freeing.  He has credit card debt- something manageable but I don't know how much and it's not my business.  I've never seen the inside of his apartment but if it's anything like the inside of his car it's jammed with Stuff.  Doesn't matter- not my circus, not my monkeys.

So, yes, it's possible!
  

[tallguy]

Dec 20, 2021 15:50:50 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

Are any of your experiencing the joys of middle age dating? (being facetious)

Doesn't it suck? 

Any success stories?

A few years ago I tried online dating. I live in a rural area where there are not many single people the way it is. One of my main problems is finding a financially stable man. I don't want to be anyone's retirement plan. It is also hard to find someone that is looking for a monogamous relationship.

I guess I quit trying. If I meet someone, I meet someone. My alone time is precious and I am comfortable being alone. There is a man in my radar now that has a state job, we enjoy each other's company, and it seems like we have the same values. The problem is that I am eight years older than him. It's more of a problem for him. :-)

Only until it doesn't.  

My GF was widowed after a long marriage.  She grieved heavily for a couple of years, then started to "get back out there."  She joined several online dating sites and dated (by her own unofficial count) about fifty men, and has some good male friends and some funny or weird stories as a result.  Then she found me, and we are still really good after 3.5 years now.  We also have an age difference, but I tell her that with projected life expectancies being what they are we should come out just about right.

He doesn't have as much money as I do but he pays what I consider a fair share of our travel and restaurant expenses and would never expect me to buy him luxuries not in his budget. (More than I can say for my first husband, who was a leech.)
We have cheerfully agreed that we don't want to marry or even cohabitate. Very freeing.

I have plenty of money for myself, but she has more than I do.  She is also far more social and spends a lot more, but that's fine (I have always been a saver and am still learning to spend money.)  I encourage her to do whatever she wants and don't care who she goes with, male or female, as long as I don't have to do all of it.  We don't co-mingle and have no plans to get married, so it's all good.  We share expenses when we travel, and she often spends more when going out because she enjoys it more.  She also splits the year between two houses, so I will join her at the other one for a month or two a couple times a year.  I pay a certain amount per month for groceries and she is free to spend over that if she wishes because she has more expensive tastes.   

Bottom line is that it can work, but don't expect it to be quick or easy.  If it is, be thankful for that.  It is a numbers game though, and it may take a while.  It can also be difficult emotionally if your expectations aren't being met.  Keep them in line.  It only takes one though, so as long as you can manage your disappointments it's worth a shot. 

[weltschmerz]

Dec 20, 2021 15:50:50 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

Are any of your experiencing the joys of middle age dating? (being facetious)

Doesn't it suck? 

Any success stories?

A few years ago I tried online dating. I live in a rural area where there are not many single people the way it is. One of my main problems is finding a financially stable man. I don't want to be anyone's retirement plan. It is also hard to find someone that is looking for a monogamous relationship.

I guess I quit trying. If I meet someone, I meet someone. My alone time is precious and I am comfortable being alone. There is a man in my radar now that has a state job, we enjoy each other's company, and it seems like we have the same values. The problem is that I am eight years older than him. It's more of a problem for him. :-)

My BFF went on match.com and found herself a gigolo.  She's 70 and he's 53. He was living in a grungy basement apartment and now he's moved into her gorgeous condo, has a country house, boats, etc.
I can't stand the guy. She's blinded by love.
He must have one hell of a penis.

[Opti]

Dec 20, 2021 18:08:05 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Dec 20, 2021 15:50:50 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

Are any of your experiencing the joys of middle age dating? (being facetious)

Doesn't it suck? 

Any success stories?

A few years ago I tried online dating. I live in a rural area where there are not many single people the way it is. One of my main problems is finding a financially stable man. I don't want to be anyone's retirement plan. It is also hard to find someone that is looking for a monogamous relationship.

I guess I quit trying. If I meet someone, I meet someone. My alone time is precious and I am comfortable being alone. There is a man in my radar now that has a state job, we enjoy each other's company, and it seems like we have the same values. The problem is that I am eight years older than him. It's more of a problem for him. :-)

My BFF went on match.com and found herself a gigolo.  She's 70 and he's 53. He was living in a grungy basement apartment and now he's moved into her gorgeous condo, has a country house, boats, etc.
I can't stand the guy. She's blinded by love.
He must have one hell of a penis.

Some people really don't like living alone. My Mom was one of them. None of us were that fond of husband #3, and even less fond of the guy who lived with her hoping to be husband #4 in large part to find a way to financially survive. She spent more money on #3 and potentional #4 than I would have, but her life her money so I mostly kept quiet. Its tough because I think #2 made her a better person and #4 gave her some habits I think that hastened her dementia. 

I would like someone but unfortunately I am no longer well off financially. Makes looking harder and I don't care about age gaps although I prefer mostly someone younger than me. Have not figured out to hook much younger even for just a hang out somewhere. 
Perhaps the universe will help me soon in this regard. Not a cougar, just like what I like. Kind of how I like my cars. Cool. Age and back story interesting, but never trumps being a good person, feeling like you click, and general rightness/coolness.

[tallguy]

Dec 20, 2021 18:08:05 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Dec 20, 2021 15:50:50 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

My BFF went on match.com and found herself a gigolo.  She's 70 and he's 53. He was living in a grungy basement apartment and now he's moved into her gorgeous condo, has a country house, boats, etc.
I can't stand the guy. She's blinded by love.
He must have one hell of a penis.

It doesn't matter what you have.  It matters what you do. 

[Opti]

Dec 20, 2021 18:49:54 GMT -5 tallguy said:

Dec 20, 2021 18:08:05 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

My BFF went on match.com and found herself a gigolo.  She's 70 and he's 53. He was living in a grungy basement apartment and now he's moved into her gorgeous condo, has a country house, boats, etc.
I can't stand the guy. She's blinded by love.
He must have one hell of a penis.

It doesn't matter what you have.  It mattes what you do. 

If you are a woman, it depends whether oral is your top choice or the usual marital relations is your thing. Since you are not a woman and have not experienced this, size does make a difference. Watch some old Sex in the City, especially the ones with Samantha and her guy talking to a therapist. There is too small, too large and variations in between.

Think of plumbing and toilets. You can't buy any size clapper expecting a good seal. Pipes join best with similar sizes. 

But you are correct in that perhaps he's really good at oral or something else. Not necessarily penis size.

[geenamercile]

I am to scared to try the dating sites but have thought about it.  It would be nice to have someone to do things once in awhile, but I also feel like I am so busy with work and the girls that I would end up being the one to cancel all the time.  

[weltschmerz]

Dec 20, 2021 18:49:54 GMT -5 tallguy said:

Dec 20, 2021 18:08:05 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

My BFF went on match.com and found herself a gigolo.  She's 70 and he's 53. He was living in a grungy basement apartment and now he's moved into her gorgeous condo, has a country house, boats, etc.
I can't stand the guy. She's blinded by love.
He must have one hell of a penis.

It doesn't matter what you have.  It mattes what you do. 

He's also an alcoholic who can't hold on to a job.  He's had 8 jobs in 2 years. That's what he does. 
He knows which side his bread is buttered on. She's going to leave everything to him.

[Opti]

Dec 20, 2021 19:03:08 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Dec 20, 2021 18:49:54 GMT -5 tallguy said:

It doesn't matter what you have.  It mattes what you do. 

He's also an alcoholic who can't hold on to a job.  He's had 8 jobs in 2 years. That's what he does. 
He knows which side his bread is buttered on. She's going to leave everything to him.

Wow. Sexist #4 is looking a bit better in comparison.

[Deleted]

I was happily single for almost 20 years. Dating was fun to me, because I wasn’t looking for anything serious. When I met Mister, we were FWB for over a year before he started talking about wanting a relationship. It was difficult for me to wrap my mind around a serious relationship, but I eventually did. Everybody that knew me well was surprised I was in a serious relationship, but I don’t think anyone was more surprised than me lol. Now we’ve lived together for 2 1/2 years.

I’m 5 years and some months older than him.

When we first met, I made more money than him. I didn’t care because I wasn’t serious about him. Not long after we started dating seriously, he got a promotion and made a little more than me. That was fine too, I wasn’t with him for money. Now his income is almost twice mine. I will admit that that’s nice.

When I was dating, it was just with the intention of meeting new people, potential friends. I think the fact that I wasn’t dating to find a mate took a lot of pressure off. If I met somebody I liked, we could be friends, not necessarily with benefits though. I’ve never been into having multiple sex partners. My personal choice, not judging anyone.

In one of his old stand-up comedy routines, Steve Harvey talked about how women will piece together 4 or 5 men to total 1 man. That was kind of how I was, but not in the exact way he meant. I had friends I enjoyed going out with, friends I enjoyed traveling with, friends who had a nice house where I could go chill out, stuff like that. I also had a friend from way back and we were often each other’s plus-1 for and we went to family functions and things like concerts together.

Before I met Mister, I thought I’d be single for the rest of my life, and I was good with that. 

[Deleted]

Dec 20, 2021 18:57:57 GMT -5 Opti said:

Since you are not a woman and have not experienced this, size does make a difference. Watch some old Sex in the City, especially the ones with Samantha and her guy talking to a therapist. There is too small, too large and variations in between.

Yes, it does, without going into TMI based on my personal experience. Ultimately, though, what's important is the guy's willingness and ability to see that the woman enjoys herself.

[buystoys]

I was single for about half my adult life.  There was a 10 year unhealthy relationship in there.  I met DH when I was 43.  He told me within the first week of dating that he was going to build his new house and then marry me.  LOL  It took me a bit longer to decide he was the one.  We've been together for 15 years now.  I met him on Match.  Yes, online dating was interesting.  There were a couple I thought I clicked with who obviously didn't feel the same way and several I wouldn't think of dating again. 

I would do online dating again.  If nothing else, I met some interesting people and learned about different things.

[Deleted]

I met one guy online that I remain friends with. He is funny. When we go out to eat or go do something, I always have to pay. I don't mind paying because I enjoy his company - he's just not somebody I would want a long-term relationship with. He works as little as possible and barely gets by. He pays his electric bill the day they are going to disconnect him. 

[kadee79]

I was the front end manager in a grocery store when my first hubby passed.  After a yr. of being single, one of my cashiers asked me if I'd go to dinner with her brother if he called me.  Well, I thought about it & then said, "Sure, at least it would be a free meal."...well, long story short...we sat & talked for 3 hrs. & almost forgot to go to dinner.  1 1/2 yrs. later we married & have been together now since 1999!!  Oh, & he's a bit younger than me...just over a yr. younger so we have a lot in common.

[Artemis Windsong]

One of my tennis friends met her BF online. They didn't say how. They really enjoy each other's company. I have zero idea how their trips and entertainment expenses work out. It's just great to see the delight in their faces when looking at each other. Both are relatively well off.

Another one I don't know how it's going now. Very wealthy 70 + year old woman talks a 50 something mostly disable man into living with her. It's a house that he can't climb the stairs to the upper levels. They met a bridge. Back in the early 80s, we bought his house when he was ousted as an air traffic controller. I didn't tell her that. A side note. She is a fingersmith (pick pocket) even with her wealth.

[Deleted]

Dec 20, 2021 20:44:13 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

I met one guy online that I remain friends with. He is funny. When we go out to eat or go do something, I always have to pay. I don't mind paying because I enjoy his company - he's just not somebody I would want a long-term relationship with. He works as little as possible and barely gets by. He pays his electric bill the day they are going to disconnect him. 

I understand why you wouldn’t want a long term relationship with him. Working as little as possible when it means you are just getting by, is not an attractive trait.

I mean, if I was a multimillionaire and had wealth to pass on to my kids and grandkids, I would work as little as possible too. I have openly admitted many times on these boards, that I am lazy. 

A man that works his ass off, trying to get ahead, is much more attractive IMO, even if he’s still in the process of getting it together…… and doesn’t have much….. YET. I’d take my chances with him before someone that works as little as possible and is barely getting by.

Even in my darkest, most lonely days, I knew and believed that “I can do bad by myself, I don’t need anyone that’s gon help me do that”.

Even before Mister and I were serious, it was clear to me that IRT jobs and money…… he was after more. Like I said before……  back then, I didn’t care what his income was, as long as he wasn’t asking me for money. When he was going for his first promotion, I cheered him on and helped him in any way I could. And everything he’s been after since then, I’ve been his biggest cheerleader and I’ve done whatever I could to help him get what he wanted.

I know we as women are advised to not look at men as what they could be…… if they’d just *whatever*….. and see and judge them on who they are at that moment. I actually think that is good advice, even though I ended up with a man that just had potential when I first met him.

But see, what had happened was……

At this point in my life, I kinda think I would make a great dating coach. Or he’ll, any kind of coach where I get to sit back and observe and then offer my opinions. It’s SO much easier to see the issues and tell other people what to do in their lives, than to figure out what you need to do in your own life.

[Lizard Queen]

I met my DH on match. I guess you could say I had a good experience, but I can't see doing it again should something happen to him.

[countrygirl2]

Nahhh, wouldn't marry again, probably too old to date. I don't want to be a purse and a nurse. Will take care of hubs if necessary, then I'm done. If I have any life left in me, will do what I want with the time left, it may or may not include DD.

But doubt that happens, I'm sure he will live a long life, his mom is 95, his grandma was old too. My aunts were, to be seen how we end up.

I lived alone most of my life as he worked away most of it, so used to it. He has been home since 2015 now so that's nice too as we age.

My mom didn't want to be alone, I don't care. Give me a stack of good books and time, I will enjoy myself. But it will be closer to son and family.

[susana1954]

Define middle age. 

I am maybe a year or so younger than Athena (67), and I am done.  Taking care of DH as he was dying did me in.  I loved him and was more than willing to do it, but not again.  

I did the Match.com thing.  Most of the guys (maybe all of them?) were looking for friends with benefits.  That is fine.  But I prefer friendship these days.

[Spellbound454]

Having been all-things-to-everyone for so many years...... lots of relationships, husbands x 2, children.

I am so enjoying my freedom.

I don't get lonely, lots of interests, a busy job and lots of friends..... and don't have to answer to anyone.

So other than a bit of flirting and an occasional night out.... (I like intelligence)

I'm not shacking up to become someone else's servant/housekeeper.
 


Unless, of course, he is loaded

[daisylu]

I raised my kids until they were 10 & 7, with zero assistance from DD's father and bare minimum from DS's. I did not really date during that time but I liked to go out, have my fun, and come home to my kids. I never saw myself getting married. I thought I was meant to be single forever and I was OK with that. DH changed all of that for me. We started seeing each other when he was 28 and I was 32 and married when he was 30 and I was 34. We were the opposite of Steve Harvey's "Think Like a Man", as he held out on sex for the first almost 3 months. It worked for him, cause I was hooked by that time. 


We have been married for 12 years now, with an agreement from the beginning that there is only 1 way out of this marriage. (Of course none of that would apply if there abuse, cheating, etc.). And I have often said that if if I do find myself alone again I would probably never be in another serious relationship ever. I would go back to my having fun days, doing only what makes me happy and coming home alone. If that time does come, which is likely with DH's TBI at age 18 that has resulted in many other health issues, I will be over here and my partner/FWB would be over there. I will not be taking care of anyone else ever again.

[Deleted]

Dec 20, 2021 23:09:21 GMT -5 susana1954 said:

I am maybe a year or so younger than Athena (67), and I am done. Taking care of DH as he was dying did me in. I loved him and was more than willing to do it, but not again.

Dec 21, 2021 8:04:23 GMT -5 daisylu said:

If that time does come, which is likely with DH's TBI at age 18 that has resulted in many other health issues, I will be over here and my partner/FWB would be over there. I will not be taking care of anyone else ever again.

Totally agreed with both of you on the caregiving. Been there, done that and I got off relatively easy. Not doing it again.

[mamasita99]

Dec 20, 2021 21:49:17 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

Another one I don't know how it's going now. Very wealthy 70 + year old woman talks a 50 something mostly disable man into living with her. It's a house that he can't climb the stairs to the upper levels. They met a bridge. Back in the early 80s, we bought his house when he was ousted as an air traffic controller. I didn't tell her that. A side note. She is a fingersmith (pick pocket) even with her wealth.

Hmm, sounds like there is an interesting story going on there…

[weltschmerz]

Dec 20, 2021 21:49:17 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

One of my tennis friends met her BF online. They didn't say how. They really enjoy each other's company. I have zero idea how their trips and entertainment expenses work out. It's just great to see the delight in their faces when looking at each other. Both are relatively well off.

Another one I don't know how it's going now. Very wealthy 70 + year old woman talks a 50 something mostly disable man into living with her. It's a house that he can't climb the stairs to the upper levels. They met a bridge. Back in the early 80s, we bought his house when he was ousted as an air traffic controller. I didn't tell her that. A side note. She is a fingersmith (pick pocket) even with her wealth.

What? I'm really confused.  They met ON a bridge? How? While they were in their cars?
You bought his house because air traffic controllers aren't allowed to own houses?
Sorry, but none of this makes any sense to me.

[swamp]

If something happens to DH, I’m done. Unless he’s 90, wealthy, with a heart condition.

[tallguy]

Dec 21, 2021 17:21:52 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Dec 20, 2021 21:49:17 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

One of my tennis friends met her BF online. They didn't say how. They really enjoy each other's company. I have zero idea how their trips and entertainment expenses work out. It's just great to see the delight in their faces when looking at each other. Both are relatively well off.

Another one I don't know how it's going now. Very wealthy 70 + year old woman talks a 50 something mostly disable man into living with her. It's a house that he can't climb the stairs to the upper levels. They met a bridge. Back in the early 80s, we bought his house when he was ousted as an air traffic controller. I didn't tell her that. A side note. She is a fingersmith (pick pocket) even with her wealth.

What? I'm really confused.  They met ON a bridge? How? While they were in their cars?
You bought his house because air traffic controllers aren't allowed to own houses?
Sorry, but none of this makes any sense to me.

I'm guessing they met AT (while playing) bridge, and that the man had to sell his house in the early '80s as a result of Reagan firing thousands of striking air traffic controllers who refused his order to return to work.  

[weltschmerz]

Thank you. It makes more sense now.