middle age dating

[Opti]

Still, this would be funnier...

[Opti]

Bridges, not to meet on. (I'll go make dinner now.   

[obelisk]

Dec 20, 2021 18:57:57 GMT -5 Opti said:

Dec 20, 2021 18:49:54 GMT -5 tallguy said:

It doesn't matter what you have.  It mattes what you do. 

If you are a woman, it depends whether oral is your top choice or the usual marital relations is your thing. Since you are not a woman and have not experienced this, size does make a difference. Watch some old Sex in the City, especially the ones with Samantha and her guy talking to a therapist. There is too small, too large and variations in between.

Think of plumbing and toilets. You can't buy any size clapper expecting a good seal. Pipes join best with similar sizes. 

But you are correct in that perhaps he's really good at oral or something else. Not necessarily penis size.

We are able to help you.

Lest us know your top choice with oral to find you a younger mate or marital relations his it its you thing.

The board is there to help you in you time of need

[Opti]

Dec 21, 2021 19:41:04 GMT -5 obelisk said:

Dec 20, 2021 18:57:57 GMT -5 Opti said:

If you are a woman, it depends whether oral is your top choice or the usual marital relations is your thing. Since you are not a woman and have not experienced this, size does make a difference. Watch some old Sex in the City, especially the ones with Samantha and her guy talking to a therapist. There is too small, too large and variations in between.

Think of plumbing and toilets. You can't buy any size clapper expecting a good seal. Pipes join best with similar sizes. 

But you are correct in that perhaps he's really good at oral or something else. Not necessarily penis size.

We are able to help you.

Lest us know your top choice with oral to find you a younger mate or marital relations his it its you thing.

The board is there to help you in you time of need

Help with finding me a man? Finding good something something?

[tractor]

Should I ever find myself single, it would not be for long, I don't do well by myself.

[Opti]

I do better with someone, but I do worse if I am with the wrong someone. 

[laterbloomer]

Dec 22, 2021 19:05:26 GMT -5 tractor said:

Should I ever find myself single, it would not be for long, I don't do well by myself.

I'm at the point that it's the friendship and emotional support I need. I can get that from my good friends. I have nothing against romantic relationships, I've had many through my life. But I'm finally getting a grasp of what the important parts are, and funnily enough it's not the romantic part.

[Opti]

I think the emotional support part is one of the reason I love having animals whether or not I have a man in my life.

[dannylion]

There is a certain peace that comes with being invisible to any potential romantic partner (unattractive, clumsy, socially awkward).  One learns to value one's own company and not to want what one will never have.  And one learns to be amused when "gentlemen" who have previously treated one as invisible (or possibly contagious) suddenly start seeking one's company and finding one "fascinating."  It is a sure sign that they have just learned that one has money.  

[Lizard Queen]

Dec 22, 2021 20:48:11 GMT -5 Opti said:

I do better with someone, but I do worse if I am with the wrong someone. 

I think that is true for everyone.

[Deleted]

Dec 22, 2021 19:05:26 GMT -5 tractor said:

Should I ever find myself single, it would not be for long, I don't do well by myself.

I’ve noticed that about some men, even if they are still wanting to live a single man’s life, they prefer to have a woman at home. Not saying you are one of those men.

It seems that some men after getting a divorce or becoming a widower after having been married a long time, they quickly find someone else to settle down with. I had a coworker like that, and he acted like he couldn’t function without a wife. 

There are probably women that do the same thing. But I think with women, it might be more about companionship compared to the men I know that are like that, they seem to do it so they have some help with the more mundane parts of life, like cooking and running a household. Or even finances.

For instance, I had another coworker that had been separated from his wife for years. He lived with his elderly Mom. He still went over to his wife’s house whenever he wanted, uninvited and unannounced. To me, that meant that even if she was dating, she couldn’t have company at her house. Coworker eventually had some serious health problems, and guess what? He went back to his wife when he got sick.

Maybe it’s ugly of me, but it was odd to me that when he got sick, all of a sudden he wanted to be with his wife again after all those years apart. He needed her because he was sick.

Even my Godfather, who had been with my Godmother for as long as I can remember, he found a new wife not long after she died. Imo, after having been with my Godmother for 30 years or so, he was just use to having a wife, so he was quick to try to find another wife. He and that wife have since divorced, which kind of confirmed for me that it was more of being practical or whatever we want to call it, than a love match.

 Those are just my observations from the people around me, I don’t mean to stereotype or offend.

[Opti]

Dec 23, 2021 15:55:30 GMT -5 dannylion said:

There is a certain peace that comes with being invisible to any potential romantic partner (unattractive, clumsy, socially awkward).  One learns to value one's own company and not to want what one will never have.  And one learns to be amused when "gentlemen" who have previously treated one as invisible (or possibly contagious) suddenly start seeking one's company and finding one "fascinating."  It is a sure sign that they have just learned that one has money.  

I had that peace before I even started dating. 

[weltschmerz]

Dec 22, 2021 19:05:26 GMT -5 tractor said:

Should I ever find myself single, it would not be for long, I don't do well by myself.

Most men don't.
It's like they need someone to look after them.

[Deleted]

Dec 23, 2021 17:46:14 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

It seems that some men after getting a divorce or becoming a widower after having been married a long time, they quickly find someone else to settle down with. I had a coworker like that, and he acted like he couldn’t function without a wife. 

There are probably women that do the same thing. But I think with women, it might be more about companionship compared to the men I know that are like that, they seem to do it so they have some help with the more mundane parts of life, like cooking and running a household. Or even finances.

Dad did not remarry, mostly because of the example of my grandfather, his FIL. Grandpa and Grandma had a very good marriage but Grandpa remarried only a few years later. Step-Grandma, we found later, was a widow whose first husband had selected a pension with no survivor option- which she didn't know about till he died and so did the pension. (The spouse is now required to sign off on these elections.) Her kids told her that if she wanted to live decently she'd have to find and marry an old guy with money. She married Grandpa. She was very realistic- Grandpa had been kind of cheap when it came to Grandma and he kept buying the second wife jewelry. When I admired the diamond in her engagement ring, which was bigger than my 1-carat, she said, "Isn't it pretty? Your Grandpa upgraded my diamond for our 5th anniversary". Upgrading a diamond was NOT in Grandpa's vocabulary. I think they had a good marriage but she bled him dry. She was sending money to her adult kids, every time a CD in his name came up for renewal it was renewed in her name, and after Grandpa died her adult son insisted that she had paid the premiums on Grandpa's $30K life insurance policy so as her heirs they were entitled to it. My parents knew it was BS but just handed it over.

So- yes, Grandpa needed another woman. SG needed a deep pocket. Most of the widows I know who are financially secure (I'm one of them) have in interest in remarriage. I joke that as long as I pay my bills and keep my lawn mowed (HA regulations) I don't have to answer to anyone.

[Opti]

My Dad never remarried either, but my Mom did.

[tractor]

Dec 23, 2021 20:11:08 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Dec 22, 2021 19:05:26 GMT -5 tractor said:

Should I ever find myself single, it would not be for long, I don't do well by myself.

Most men don't.
It's like they need someone to look after them.

I really don't need anyone to look after me, I just find being alone incredibly boring. Even now when the wife and/or kids are gone for a few days, I can't sit home by myself, I crave human interaction.

[Artemis Windsong]

Dec 21, 2021 17:21:52 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Dec 20, 2021 21:49:17 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

One of my tennis friends met her BF online. They didn't say how. They really enjoy each other's company. I have zero idea how their trips and entertainment expenses work out. It's just great to see the delight in their faces when looking at each other. Both are relatively well off.

Another one I don't know how it's going now. Very wealthy 70 + year old woman talks a 50 something mostly disable man into living with her. It's a house that he can't climb the stairs to the upper levels. They met a bridge. Back in the early 80s, we bought his house when he was ousted as an air traffic controller. I didn't tell her that. A side note. She is a fingersmith (pick pocket) even with her wealth.

What? I'm really confused.  They met ON a bridge? How? While they were in their cars?
You bought his house because air traffic controllers aren't allowed to own houses?
Sorry, but none of this makes any sense to me.

To clear the confusion.  They met at the card game bridge.

He did own the house.  I have no idea about air traffic controllers not being allowed to own houses.

I miss typed and miss read.

Thanks for reading.

[TheOtherMe]

Air traffic controllers are allowed to own houses.  They aren't allowed to strike and Reagan fired them.  That probably meant he couldn't afford his house any longer.

[seriousthistime]

I think there are some people who feel a hole in their lives without a mate.  

I am not one of them. I'm perfectly happy by myself and doing what I feel like doing when I want to do it. 

[TheOtherMe]

I like always being on my schedule and I can change it whenever I want.  Part of that came with retirement.  

[Deleted]

I really like not worrying about the consequences of someone else's behavior.  BF is a wonderful guy- kind, intelligent, caring, well-read, honest- but he's a borderline hoarder.  I can barely get into the passenger seat in his car because there's so much stuff in it.  I have not been in his apartment- I don't think I want to go there.  When his washer wasn't working he brought his laundry over and it had a couple of little piles of cat poop in it.  His favorite breakfast is biscuits and gravy and he once ate most of a bag of Pecan Sandies on a one-day road trip.  He has credit card debt (apparently manageable).  

You know what?  It doesn't matter.  Not my circus, not my monkeys.   If we lived together we might kill each other.

[seriousthistime]

Hoarding isn't just a habit.  It's a psychological disorder.  I could not tolerate someone hiding, nor could I compartmentalize, such a big issue in his life. Cat poop in the laundry suggests not just a cluttered, messy home but a serious unaddressed psychological disorder.  But if you're good with ignoring that aspect of him, more power to you. 

[Opti]

Or he left his laundry out near where the cat was, and the cat decided it was better to poop there.

OT, skinny pig is totally destroying his temp boxes within a couple days, instead of a week or more. I used to put a littler pan there, but he would only use it if it was covered. He stopped liking my cheat with a paper bag, so he hasn't confined most of his mess to part of the cage since. Current temp box is in that corner. I may want to toss it today.

[Deleted]

Dec 26, 2021 8:49:51 GMT -5 Opti said:

Or he left his laundry out near where the cat was, and the cat decided it was better to poop there.

I think that was the case.  He's brought his laundry over a few times and only once did it have cat poop.

[NoNamePerson]

Dec 23, 2021 20:27:54 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Dec 23, 2021 17:46:14 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

It seems that some men after getting a divorce or becoming a widower after having been married a long time, they quickly find someone else to settle down with. I had a coworker like that, and he acted like he couldn’t function without a wife. 

There are probably women that do the same thing. But I think with women, it might be more about companionship compared to the men I know that are like that, they seem to do it so they have some help with the more mundane parts of life, like cooking and running a household. Or even finances.

Dad did not remarry, mostly because of the example of my grandfather, his FIL. Grandpa and Grandma had a very good marriage but Grandpa remarried only a few years later. Step-Grandma, we found later, was a widow whose first husband had selected a pension with no survivor option- which she didn't know about till he died and so did the pension. (The spouse is now required to sign off on these elections.) Her kids told her that if she wanted to live decently she'd have to find and marry an old guy with money. She married Grandpa. She was very realistic- Grandpa had been kind of cheap when it came to Grandma and he kept buying the second wife jewelry. When I admired the diamond in her engagement ring, which was bigger than my 1-carat, she said, "Isn't it pretty? Your Grandpa upgraded my diamond for our 5th anniversary". Upgrading a diamond was NOT in Grandpa's vocabulary. I think they had a good marriage but she bled him dry. She was sending money to her adult kids, every time a CD in his name came up for renewal it was renewed in her name, and after Grandpa died her adult son insisted that she had paid the premiums on Grandpa's $30K life insurance policy so as her heirs they were entitled to it. My parents knew it was BS but just handed it over.

So- yes, Grandpa needed another woman. SG needed a deep pocket. Most of the widows I know who are financially secure (I'm one of them) have in interest in remarriage. I joke that as long as I pay my bills and keep my lawn mowed (HA regulations) I don't have to answer to anyone.

Same with those of us who are divorced! I’ve made it 40 years on my own! 

[empress of self-improvement]

I just can't even begin to face the idea of dating. It just has no appeal to me. Maybe someday I'll start going clubbing but it sure isn't going to be now!

[nidena]

I read a thing online how, because men aren't socialized to confide in other men, they confide in women and usually the women in which they have a sexual interest so having a confidant and having an intimate partner are heavily intertwined; whereas women are socialized to confide in "friends" which can be any gender and isn't always someone they want to have sex with so the intertwine isn't as tight.

So this is probably a contributor to why some men get married/involved again so quickly after divorce--needing that confidant--and women don't--they confide in their friends.

[geenamercile]

It may also explain why the whole "men just want sex, and women want a relationship," seems to be completely false.    

[Deleted]

Dec 26, 2021 9:37:55 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

I just can't even begin to face the idea of dating. It just has no appeal to me. Maybe someday I'll start going clubbing but it sure isn't going to be now!

I think this is me. I think I am ready to date again but when I meet someone and we enjoy each other's company, I am just not into it. When it comes to dating, I am not ambitious. It's as if I don't even care what happens or what the other person thinks.

Want to watch a movie on a work night? NO!
Want to sleep at my house? NO!
Want to come over to my house all of the time? NO!
Want to go get something to eat? NO!

Sometimes I think my past relationship that lasted ten years (ended four years ago!) traumatized me. I just do not want to step into that pile of crap again.

[Deleted]

Dec 26, 2021 8:40:45 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Hoarding isn't just a habit.  It's a psychological disorder.  I could not tolerate someone hiding, nor could I compartmentalize, such a big issue in his life. Cat poop in the laundry suggests not just a cluttered, messy home but a serious unaddressed psychological disorder.  But if you're good with ignoring that aspect of him, more power to you. 

Yeah, the cat poop in the laundry threw me off.

It would’ve been a major turn off for me and I’m pretty sure I would’ve never been able to look at him the same. It would’ve been stuck in my head that he’s nasty and I wouldn’t want him to touch me everrrrr again.