Down the rabbit hole

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

I have no idea where the heck to put this thread.

I am so deeply troubled about DD2. Her work is mandating proof of vaccine. She is so far down the misinformation rabbit hole that I cannot help her. She is paralyzed with fear that the vaccine is BAD and a govt. control situation. She is one of those who put a lot of stock in alternative medicine and crystals work stuff. She is only absorbing information from all the bizarre crap out there. She lives in TX so is not nearby. It does not help her that she has always been a follower and not someone to take initiative to question information.

She is basing a lot of her outlook on Covid experiences of people around her, such as the boss who was vaccinated and got covid later and was hospitalized, and his wife who never got vaccinated and had mild covid. She just ordered a book by a dude that peddles crap, Dr. Joseph Mercola. I  looked him up, he is a wackadoodle, but I can't get her to see that. It is like she is in a cult.

I just have no idea how to deal with this because her premise is all based on misinformation. Frankly, I don't WANT to deal with it.

[billisonboard]

Why do you need to "deal with it"? If she is fired what will be the impact on you? 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

DD2 is an adult?

Sadly you can't you are going to have to watch the coming train wreck.  FWIW she will probably bounce back lots of employers are desperate for people and if it's anything like Iowa I'm sure there are plenty that take not vaccinated as a badge of pride.

It's become a cult at this point.  People devote entire careers to figuring out how to deprogram people.   Us lay people aren't going to have much luck.

[giramomma]

I'm sorry. Can you just not deal wit it? You don't want to, and ultimately, it's up to her to figure out. Of course you don't want to see her get fired. Maybe let her know if/how you might help her from afar. (Grocery store gc, putting together a list of resources for her to turn to in her location if she doesn't have much of an EF or to slow the draining of her EF).

So much not the same, but with DS's grades and nearly flunking sophomore year, I turned the issue over to DH. DSs knows I love him, but his (DS's) choices angered me to the point where I knew we could not have productive talks. So, DH is the one that monitored his (and all the kids) grades, missing assignments, etc.

It was either that or alienate my child, likely to the point that he would not want a relationship with me.

I made the right choice. At almost 17 and a half, he still tells me he loves me every night before he goes to bed and gives me a hug.

He also started to make some right choices. His grades were better this year. He's adulting in a very good way, with some things...especially for a person who shouldn't have a fully formed brain for several years yet.

[mary2029]

I'm sorry.  

Here is some resources on CDC's website:  www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/talk-about-vaccines.html

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Aug 11, 2021 14:44:09 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Why do you need to "deal with it"? If she is fired what will be the impact on you? 

There isn't a direct impact on me, but she is a single mom with a 2 year old. 

She is a mess. She was a mess before all this and she is a worse mess now. 

[billisonboard]

Aug 11, 2021 14:57:40 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

Aug 11, 2021 14:44:09 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Why do you need to "deal with it"? If she is fired what will be the impact on you? 

There isn't a direct impact on me, but she is a single mom with a 2 year old. 

She is a mess. She was a mess before all this and she is a worse mess now. 

The powerless grandchild is the hard part for me in my like situation.

[pulmonarymd]

You cannot make an adult do anything
You cannot make her listen to the right people
An adult is ultimately responsible for their lives.

As much as we ant to insulate our children from the consequences of their bad decisions, we cannot. She will need to decide on her own. Unfortunately, it may be life and death. But, just like the opioid crisis, no amount of worrying or help will change the outcome, unless she wants to change.

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Aug 11, 2021 15:05:04 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Aug 11, 2021 14:57:40 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

There isn't a direct impact on me, but she is a single mom with a 2 year old. 

She is a mess. She was a mess before all this and she is a worse mess now. 

The powerless grandchild is the hard part for me in my like situation.

Agreed. She is one of those that needs a pat on the back for doing normal adulting things. 

No, I don't feed into that. Other people can fill that void if she thinks she needs it.

[Tennesseer]

Not much you can do for her, Cheesy. She is an adult and will have to accept whatever her employer decides to do with employees who refuse to get vaccinated.

About the only thing you can do (and what you probably have been doing all along) is to look for the truth. The rest is up to her.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

sorry, it is hard, dealing with similar with my mom.

everyone gets to make their own decision about this, what are her options if she loses the job?

[gs11rmb]

What does she do for a living?

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Aug 11, 2021 15:36:47 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

What does she do for a living?

Bartender

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Y’all are saying what I already know. I think mostly I needed to vent my frustration. 

[gs11rmb]

Aug 11, 2021 15:39:42 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

Aug 11, 2021 15:36:47 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

What does she do for a living?

Bartender

Then she should be able to find somewhere else to work.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Target and Walmart are up to 15+ per hour.   Until and unless all employers get on the bandwagon she'll bounce back.   If you are going to be stupid jobwise now is the time.


I'd be more worried about COVID catching up with her.   Unfortunately you can't control what happens.   I feel bad for her kid though.

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Aug 11, 2021 15:42:20 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Aug 11, 2021 15:39:42 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

Bartender

Then she should be able to find somewhere else to work.

Theoretically. For the average person. She seems to believe she has the horrific choice between getting injected with an unapproved government control poison and being homeless with her son. 

[gs11rmb]

Do you think that's likely?  To be frank, I can't quite grasp from your posts if your daughter is actually mentally ill or just overly dramatic.  If it's the former then social services will get involved to ensure her child is safe.  If it's the latter then she'll probably pull herself together and apply for a new position.

ETA - I realized that sounded harsh.  I know you're very worried for your daughter and it has to be exhausting to watch someone you love just spiral into ridiculous conspiracy theories.

[busymom]

I feel your pain, Cheesy FL-Vol.  I like in a community where a lot of grandparents are raising their grandkids.  Usually, due to the bad decisions made by the parents (drug addiction, etc.).  I often wonder how many kids are going to lose their parents due to Covid.  And, due to so many who refuse to vaccinate, now I wonder, once the school year begins, how many kids are going to be lost.  My Mother's old stories of children lost to  illnesses, such as whooping cough, are swimming in my head these days...  

[Lizard Queen]

Point out the numbers-- many many times more people have been damaged by covid than by the vaccines.

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Aug 11, 2021 16:05:48 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Point out the numbers-- many many times more people have been damaged by covid than by the vaccines.

Yeah, I tried that today. She is too focused on the small number related to vaccines.

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Aug 11, 2021 15:56:12 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Do you think that's likely?  To be frank, I can't quite grasp from your posts if your daughter is actually mentally ill or just overly dramatic.  If it's the former then social services will get involved to ensure her child is safe.  If it's the latter then she'll probably pull herself together and apply for a new position.

ETA - I realized that sounded harsh.  I know you're very worried for your daughter and it has to be exhausting to watch someone you love just spiral into ridiculous conspiracy theories.

Some of both. She craves attention, but she also really should be being treated for depression.

[TheOtherMe]

I'm sorry Cheesy  

I know you are worried about your daughter, but make sure your grandson is taken care of.

[happyhoix]

I’m very sorry. It’s so hard to have to stand back and watch your kids screw up.

I wouldn’t waste time trying to convince her. Just hope she comes back to reality at some point.

[thyme4change]

Aug 11, 2021 15:42:20 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Aug 11, 2021 15:39:42 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

Bartender

Then she should be able to find somewhere else to work.

Especially in Texas.

Maybe if you fake agree with her, you could convince her to start looking for another place to bartend where they won't require a vaccine? I am not a persuasive person - so I don't know how to deal with her. Sorry that your grandkid is in the mix.

[gs11rmb]

Can the baby's father help?  At least re-assure her that their son won't be homeless.  I don't agree with your daughter but I can empathize with her feelings of panic if she genuinely believes that her child could end of homeless.

[pulmonarymd]

If your child would end up homeless, wouldn’t you do whatever was necessary to prevent that? Even if it was something you didn’t want to do? We have all been faced with less than desirable choices. No different here. She needs to put aside her issues and do what is right by her son

[giramomma]

Aug 12, 2021 6:12:23 GMT -5 pulmonarymd said:

If your child would end up homeless, wouldn’t you do whatever was necessary to prevent that? Even if it was something you didn’t want to do? We have all been faced with less than desirable choices. No different here. She needs to put aside her issues and do what is right by her son

I don't disagree with you, but you should know by now that not all parents do right by their kids.

I mean, sometimes it's very overt. I worked kids whose parents put them lowest on the totem pole. IOW, neither the parents did right by the kids.

Sometimes it's not so overt. My parents didn't do right by me. But, unless you actually lived with us, you wouldn't see behind the curtain.

[gs11rmb]

Aug 12, 2021 7:03:41 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Aug 12, 2021 6:12:23 GMT -5 pulmonarymd said:

If your child would end up homeless, wouldn’t you do whatever was necessary to prevent that? Even if it was something you didn’t want to do? We have all been faced with less than desirable choices. No different here. She needs to put aside her issues and do what is right by her son

I don't disagree with you, but you should know by now that not all parents do right by their kids.

I mean, sometimes it's very overt. I worked kids whose parents put them lowest on the totem pole. IOW, neither the parents did right by the kids.

Sometimes it's not so overt. My parents didn't do right by me. But, unless you actually lived with us, you wouldn't see behind the curtain.

There are also mental health issues at play in this situation.  Making the rational decision to either vaccinate or find a new job seems so straightforward to everyone posting but it doesn't sound as if Cheesy FL-Vol's daughter is thinking straight.

I've never had to deal with this situation so perhaps my advice is completely wrong but have you considered not trying to influence her decision?  Do you think it would be effective to say "ok your choice is the vaccine or homelessness and the involvement of DFCS, so what do you want to do"?

[giramomma]

Aug 12, 2021 7:15:18 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Aug 12, 2021 7:03:41 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I don't disagree with you, but you should know by now that not all parents do right by their kids.

I mean, sometimes it's very overt. I worked kids whose parents put them lowest on the totem pole. IOW, neither the parents did right by the kids.

Sometimes it's not so overt. My parents didn't do right by me. But, unless you actually lived with us, you wouldn't see behind the curtain.

There are also mental health issues at play in this situation.  Making the rational decision to either vaccinate or find a new job seems so straightforward to everyone posting but it doesn't sound as if Cheesy FL-Vol 's daughter is thinking straight.

Did I miss where Chessy said her daughter is mentally ill? Even still. Chessy cannot force her daughter into treatment if that is the case, as long as her daughter is an adult.  Maybe the best she could do is hire a lawyer to get custody of her grandkid, but I'm not getting getting the vibe that it's that dire from Chessy. (But, it is hard to get tone, and all that sort of verbal communication from a messsage board.)

My kids go to a private school where money flows. Many parents are pro-trump, because money is the most important thing.  Many believe that the rules don't apply to them. More over, many of the act as if parenting their own children is an inconvenience. So they complain about the measure that the school took to keep the kids safe last year, and then they go on unneeded vacations to Florida during the height of the pandemic last fall/winter. Furthermore, some families did not quarantine after travel like they were supposed to, before sending the kids to school. Because why not?

They aren't mentally ill.