Real Talk

[Bonny]

Jan 7, 2021 22:45:39 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

There was a tik tok going around that said "What would you do if all men disappeared for 24 hours" and women were saying they would go for a run at night, or walk to their car without looking over their shoulder, or bend over at work without worrying about it. Then a video came out that asked 'what would you do if all Black men disappeared for 24 hours. I saw zero answers to that one, as if any good could come of answering that one, but I thought about it and I realized I wouldn't even notice. I live in a state with a low African American population. I don't work with any black men. I have a few black neighbors, but I don't see them regularly. If I go to the store, it isn't unusual to see a black man, but it isn't guaranteed, it isn't even often.

I want to understand different people, but find I am very bad with people who aren't in my same situation. I know it is a weakness of mine. I have enjoyed this community because I do talk to a variety of people that I don't get in my regular life.

One of the big shocks of moving from the Bay Area to my little town in AZ was how white it was. I'm not kidding when I say that in the six years I lived there I saw exactly one Black man in the local grocery store. I caught myself staring. I wanted to go up and shake his hand and say "Welcome". How weird and awkward was that situation. I can only imagine that I wasn't the only person staring and how uncomfortable he must have felt.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jan 8, 2021 19:16:24 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Jan 7, 2021 22:45:39 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

There was a tik tok going around that said "What would you do if all men disappeared for 24 hours" and women were saying they would go for a run at night, or walk to their car without looking over their shoulder, or bend over at work without worrying about it. Then a video came out that asked 'what would you do if all Black men disappeared for 24 hours. I saw zero answers to that one, as if any good could come of answering that one, but I thought about it and I realized I wouldn't even notice. I live in a state with a low African American population. I don't work with any black men. I have a few black neighbors, but I don't see them regularly. If I go to the store, it isn't unusual to see a black man, but it isn't guaranteed, it isn't even often.

I want to understand different people, but find I am very bad with people who aren't in my same situation. I know it is a weakness of mine. I have enjoyed this community because I do talk to a variety of people that I don't get in my regular life.

One of the big shocks of moving from the Bay Area to my little town in AZ was how white it was. I'm not kidding when I say that in the six years I lived there I saw exactly one Black man in the local grocery store. I caught myself staring. I wanted to go up and shake his hand and say "Welcome". How weird and awkward was that situation. I can only imagine that I wasn't the only person staring and how uncomfortable he must have felt.

Me too! I almost did that after going back to serving for my dad's business.

I felt so stupid. Then I remembered where I now work compared to before.

In my defense he was also HOT. If I wasn't married.😍

[empress of self-improvement]

Now I have this urge to find my first best friend when I moved to this God-forsaken state. The one and only POC in my elementary school. She was awesome and we used to have so much fun and then she moved. That was back in 1980. GAWD I'm OLD!!! Junior high and high school were definitely much different. My former home city is very diverse, much more so than the Cape but if you go one town North, it's Whitey McWhiteys everywhere you look. Current home town, is sadly too white as well. We have a Puerto Rican family across the street and some Indians (India) moving into the area, FINALLY!! so I have hope. I keep thinking when I see the Indian families walking by, I need to ask them how to drape sari fabric because I have 2 pieces and I haven't a clue and would love to know how.

[swamp]

I am Whitey McWhiterson and live in mayo world.

Pink, I really appreciate your posts. I learn so much

I’d also be proud to be your dorky white friend.

[Deleted]

I don't know where to start but I will say I am so glad to be on these boards and grateful for the honesty and mutual respect we have here.  

I am 1/2 Caucasian (mother from Arkansas, English-Irish according to Ancestry and her stories) and 1/2 Hispanic (father from Mexico City, Mexican-Spanish-Middle Eastern according to Ancestry).  I've told my story from time to time on various threads but basically I was born in Chicago, moved to Florida and Virginia in early childhood, then to Mexico in late childhood, back to Texas border as a tween, South Texas as a teen, and landed in Houston in my 40's.  Married a guy who lived all over America and Japan because his dad was Army.  

Until we got to Houston, I never belonged anywhere, partly because of ancestry, partly poverty.  My biologic father abandoned us when I was 9 or so.  I had no opportunity to learn Spanish or the Mexican culture, of which I doubt he was a good representative.  My mother cut her family off when she married, probably was rejected by them too, so I didn't know anything of that side either.

When we got to Houston I felt at home for the first time in my life because EVERYONE lives here.  I remember late fall '95 when I went to a local grocery store and heard so many languages swirling around me.  It's still my favorite store, where aisles are labeled by nation and the foods make me Google to find what they are and how to use them.  

But living around people doesn't mean you necessarily get to know them.  We joined the local Episcopal church which had and has a large Nigerian congregation.  That was a bit of an awakening about skin color.  Yes, they were black.  So were the folks from Ghana, Jamaica, Haiti, Guyana, and plain old African-American people. Not much else in common-different customs, values, traditions. And definitely some display of attitude between folks despite a common skin color.

My neighborhood is predominantly Hispanic.  And that definitely is not monolithic.  Mexican, Salvadoran, Columbian, Peruvian, Venezuelan, newly-arrived, second generation.  Nope, not much in common there and a whole lot of looking down the nose at each other.  Second and third-generation look with deep mistrust on the newly arrived as a danger to their established position and financial security.

And then there is the Asian community.  This is actually the group I know best in a way because they are the dominant community financially in my area and the dominant presence in the civic groups with which I work.  Asian sounds like a wonderful umbrella idea until it comes to competition for identity and funding.  Then the gloves come off, the daggers come out and it's Filipino vs. Korean vs. Vietnamese vs. Chinese vs. Japanese and here we go.  And don't even go deep on the Vietnamese side because the tensions of North vs. South still resonate loudly. 

I don't usually get to hold babies.  Six years ago I held one, just 6 weeks old.  He is black, now in first grade and his father is my city councilmember.  Four years ago I held another, then 3 months old. He is Chinese, he's in pre-school and his father is my state representative.  Their mothers are an attorney and a journalist.  Both families fight stereotypes everyday from both sides of the picture.  For some, they are too black, too yellow for status in a white world.  From their own communities, they are Uncle Tom and Uncle Wong, not ethnic enough.  

The journey of our world is not easy, but I truly believe the rewards will be great.













 

[Deleted]

Jan 8, 2021 19:28:00 GMT -5 swamp said:

I am Whitey McWhiterson and live in mayo world.

Pink, I really appreciate your posts. I learn so much

I’d also be proud to be your dorky white friend.

[crazycat]

I too am a Whitey McWhiterson . Most of our closest friends are in mixed marriages . Examples - wife is like me , super white 😜and husband is Hispanic. Our best friend couple - wife , has a white mom and a black dad . Her DH is Mexican and Indian . My DH is Hispanic and Irish . Both are sons look “white” and my eldest is actually a red headed Mexican. LOL . My MIL loves it , when she was younger she had red hair also . 


I personally think that “mixed” kids are some of the most gorgeous, but I’m biased . My younger son came up with the term “hybrid” years ago , instead of mixed . 


I value everything  I have read and everyone I’ve listened to on this board . I appreciate all my “friends” and appreciate you Pink for writing what you wrote .  

[laterbloomer]

When I was young (in the late 60's) someone got me a black baby doll. It was my favourite for a long tome. Not because it was black but because it was smaller than most dolls and just felt like a more natural fit. I never thought about the dolls colour because no one in my white as snow family and their diverse circle of friends ever commented on it. My Mom married an Indigenous man, one of his sisters has a black son. We were on the low income side so we lived in diverse neighbourhoods and I had diversity in my classes. I heard about racism growing up but I thought it was an American problem because it wasn't something the people close to me practiced. It's been an ongoing process for me as an adult to learn how to be an ally to POC.

I really have to give credit to my parents. They never made a fuss about it and if you meet them they seem like your average middle class folks but they are just casually progressive people.

[thyme4change]

Jan 8, 2021 19:16:24 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Jan 7, 2021 22:45:39 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

There was a tik tok going around that said "What would you do if all men disappeared for 24 hours" and women were saying they would go for a run at night, or walk to their car without looking over their shoulder, or bend over at work without worrying about it. Then a video came out that asked 'what would you do if all Black men disappeared for 24 hours. I saw zero answers to that one, as if any good could come of answering that one, but I thought about it and I realized I wouldn't even notice. I live in a state with a low African American population. I don't work with any black men. I have a few black neighbors, but I don't see them regularly. If I go to the store, it isn't unusual to see a black man, but it isn't guaranteed, it isn't even often.

I want to understand different people, but find I am very bad with people who aren't in my same situation. I know it is a weakness of mine. I have enjoyed this community because I do talk to a variety of people that I don't get in my regular life.

One of the big shocks of moving from the Bay Area to my little town in AZ was how white it was. I'm not kidding when I say that in the six years I lived there I saw exactly one Black man in the local grocery store. I caught myself staring. I wanted to go up and shake his hand and say "Welcome". How weird and awkward was that situation. I can only imagine that I wasn't the only person staring and how uncomfortable he must have felt.

Your town is very, very white.

I live in a more mixed part of town, but still in a pretty white neighborhood.

If all Mexicans disappeared for 24 hours, I would be way more likely to notice.

[TheOtherMe]

I was thinking last night about this thread.

I grew up on the poor side of Des Moines (east of the river).  There was one Jewish student in my high school.  Great kid and everybody knew him and liked him.  

When I first moved to Colorado, almost all of my friends were Jewish.  I learned a lot about another religion.  Opened my eyes.  If I had not moved to Colorado, I would not have learned about Judaism.

Funny story: 

Black woman at work once said something about my being Jewish.  I asked her why she thought I was Jewish and she said my nose.  

[movingforward]

During the early years of my life, I lived in a lower-middle class neighborhood which was very diverse. All the neighborhood kids played together and we never thought anything about race (kids typically don't, it's the adults that become the problem).

With my parents income increasing, we moved to a more "white" neighborhood when I was 13. Fortunately, my school was still very diverse (due to busing) and I think that was a good thing. When I really think back on high school I would say I had a lot of acquaintances from different backgrounds but my friends were pretty much middle class white folks, like myself.

When I got to college; however, I was exposed to LOTS of different people and it was so eyeopening. I'm not just talking about people from different races but people with different sexual orientations, customs, and backgrounds of all sorts. I remember one of the girls next to my room in the dorm was from NYC and I was raised in the southeast. She looked just like me but talked different, had different ideas and a different family background. It was great getting to know so many different people from all walks of life.

For the past 15 years I have what I call "my village" of friends. I don't have much family (and zero that lives anywhere remotely close to me) and consider these people to be my family. They are the 5 people I know I can count on when the shit hits the fan - 2 are white, 2 are black and one is Hispanic. I love these people.

As a nation, we should be absolutely mortified by what is happening in our country right now.

ETA: My friend that is Hispanic looks 100% white. She won an award last year in our industry and everyone was like "X is Hispanic...what?"

[finnime]

I really appreciate you writing this post, @pinkcshmere.

I am very white now living in one of the most diverse communities in the country. It shocks my eyes when I go to Maine on vacation, to see how completely non-diverse the area is. It is typical to any day here that I'll converse with an ELL.

My college roommate freshman year had the same first name as me, came from Chicago (I came from suburban Massachusetts) and she was Black. Others on our floor were Jewish, Asian and various shades of browns. Once we went to Chinatown and one of my good friends who was Chinese ordered for us all. The waiter joked with her in Cantonese that we must be from the U.N. My public school experience in Mass. included very limited exposure to other races. I think we had one Black family in town. Some students were bussed in from Boston in high school.

As I get older I very acutely am aware of my privilege. I am not stopped or questioned when I join a line at a store or enter a movie theater without proffering a ticket. People do listen when I speak up, even though I am a woman. I don't often notice the slights other people around me are enduring as I should. I've got to get better at that.

I am glad to be a member of this community, and you (all) make a welcome place on the web.

[Deleted]

Jan 9, 2021 9:50:58 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I was thinking last night about this thread.

I grew up on the poor side of Des Moines (east of the river).  There was one Jewish student in my high school.  Great kid and everybody knew him and liked him.  

When I first moved to Colorado, almost all of my friends were Jewish.  I learned a lot about another religion.  Opened my eyes.  If I had not moved to Colorado, I would not have learned about Judaism.

Funny story: 

Black woman at work once said something about my being Jewish.  I asked her why she thought I was Jewish and she said my nose.  

Speaking of noses, my great-great grandmother was Native American. My grandmother had a picture of her. I assume she’s the reason I have high cheekbones and a “pointy” nose, as people have been calling it for as long as I can remember. My grandmother and my Mom had/have the high cheekbones too, but I’m the only one in my family with the nose.

[chiver78]

Jan 9, 2021 14:00:24 GMT -5 finnime said:

I really appreciate you writing this post, @pinkcshmere .

I am very white now living in one of the most diverse communities in the country. It shocks my eyes when I go to Maine on vacation, to see how completely non-diverse the area is. It is typical to any day here that I'll converse with an ELL.

My college roommate freshman year had the same first name as me, came from Chicago (I came from suburban Massachusetts) and she was Black. Others on our floor were Jewish, Asian and various shades of browns. Once we went to Chinatown and one of my good friends who was Chinese ordered for us all. The waiter joked with her in Cantonese that we must be from the U.N. My public school experience in Mass. included very limited exposure to other races. I think we had one Black family in town. Some students were bussed in from Boston in high school.

As I get older I very acutely am aware of my privilege. I am not stopped or questioned when I join a line at a store or enter a movie theater without proffering a ticket. People do listen when I speak up, even though I am a woman. I don't often notice the slights other people around me are enduring as I should. I've got to get better at that.

I am glad to be a member of this community, and you (all) make a welcome place on the web.

I knew you grew up in MA, but now I'm really curious where. we also had METCO, as far back as jr HS. feel free to PM if you'd like to share, and I won't be offended if you don't. 

[Deleted]

Jan 9, 2021 13:24:14 GMT -5 movingforward said:

During the early years of my life, I lived in a lower-middle class neighborhood which was very diverse. All the neighborhood kids played together and we never thought anything about race (kids typically don't, it's the adults that become the problem).

With my parents income increasing, we moved to a more "white" neighborhood when I was 13. Fortunately, my school was still very diverse (due to busing) and I think that was a good thing. When I really think back on high school I would say I had a lot of acquaintances from different backgrounds but my friends were pretty much middle class white folks, like myself.

When I got to college; however, I was exposed to LOTS of different people and it was so eyeopening. I'm not just talking about people from different races but people with different sexual orientations, customs, and backgrounds of all sorts. I remember one of the girls next to my room in the dorm was from NYC and I was raised in the southeast. She looked just like me but talked different, had different ideas and a different family background. It was great getting to know so many different people from all walks of life.

For the past 15 years I have what I call "my village" of friends. I don't have much family (and zero that lives anywhere remotely close to me) and consider these people to be my family. They are the 5 people I know I can count on when the shit hits the fan - 2 are white, 2 are black and one is Hispanic. I love these people.

As a nation, we should be absolutely mortified by what is happening in our country right now.

ETA: My friend that is Hispanic looks 100% white. She won an award last year in our industry and everyone was like "X is Hispanic...what?"

My Mom moved us to an apartment when I was almost 8yo. I never saw any other black families in our complex. There weren’t many children either. There was just this 1 little girl I would play with. One day she told me her parents said she couldn’t play with me anymore because I was black. That was the end of that. We only lived there a year before my Mom bought a house.

Fast forward to when I was in the 11th grade, she bought another house. We were the only black family in our cove and on the closest streets, idk about the whole neighborhood. When I was a senior, my grandfather bought me an old car, a stick shift, a purple 1980 Pontiac Sunbird with a hatchback. Ugliest car ever! But I didn’t care, it was MINE lol.

A couple years later I still had the car, and something was wrong with it, so that if you weren’t already going good, it wouldn’t make it up a hill. I was married by then, and we lived with my Mom. 

My ex-husband and I were going somewhere, there was a hill around the corner, still in the neighborhood. He was driving, the car didn’t make it up the hill, so he let it roll back down to try again. A white man approached my car with a bat in his hand. He was yelling and accusing us of stealing lawn equipment. I was pregnant, with a huge belly, but I was crawling over the seat to get the crowbar out of the back because the car wouldn’t go, he was acting like a madman and had a bat in his hand and I was mad as hell because I’m not a thief! I was too mad to be afraid.

My brother was about 11yo at the time, he wasn’t stealing lawn equipment either. In fact, my Mom actually didn’t have a lawn mower and hadn’t gotten the yard cut in a while and it was out of control. If we were stealing lawn equipment, maybe we would’ve cut our grass, ya think? But I doubt that fool even knew exactly where we lived. Why did WE have to be the ones stealing lawn equipment?!

When I was in 7th grade, my Mom sent me to the only junior high school near us that had the program for gifted children that I’d been in in elementary. I was the only black student in the class. I was uncomfortable because the teacher would single me out with stupid stuff. Like one time we had to do a paper and when she was making suggestions for topics, she said “Pink, you could do yours on something like Black people’s skin”. As if our actual skin is different from anyone else’s. I didn’t do well in that class at all, even though I could have, I just didn’t even try much. I’ve always wished I had done what I was capable of, just to make a point to her silly ass. I never told my Mom how she would single me out either, because I knew all hell would break loose if my Mom knew. I just kept getting in trouble for making bad grades without telling my Mom why. Of course, I know now that I should’ve told my Mom and let her address it even if she did raise hell with the school about it.

The next school year, I went to the school I was assigned to, which was mostly black. My grades were good, which was easy because I didn’t learn much for the next 2 years of school. My scores on standardized tests were excellent. So she sent me to a college prep high school, where she had to stand in line literally for hours to try to get me in. The demographics were mixed there, a lot of old money sent their children there. It was a great school and I was actually learning again. I took the ACT my first year there, with no prep, and the math parts brought my score down to a 28. I never liked math.

All that to say, I’ve known since I was a child that something wasn’t quite right with this world we live in. I grew up knowing my Aunt had been tear gassed and run from police dogs in Memphis, TN during the civil rights movement. When I met my ex-husband and got to know his family, I listened to his Mom talk about when she and some other high school students participated in a march in Forrest City AR and they got rounded up and taken to the federal prison. She talked about how scared they were, their parents didn’t even know where they’d been taken. After all those years, it still brought tears to her eyes to remember and talk about it. These are just some of the things that I’ve experienced, and just some of the things my family members and people I know went through before I was born.

I grew up HATING how my Grandmother would sometimes be submissive to white people, even if they were my age. I didn’t get angry with her, I knew she was a product of her time. She was raised in Mississippi, where things were really horrible, so I told myself it was a survival skill from when she was younger. Still, I can’t tell you how much I use to hate to see it. And I feel some type of way about Mississippi to this day, because there are still a lot of backwards ass people living there. 

But, even with all that, no one ever taught me to hate the people who did those things, or the people that look like them. I was taught to treat people the way I’d want them to treat me, regardless of what they look like, and that’s what I’ve always done. Well, that’s how I start out. In my darker moments, I think maybe that’s not been the best thing. Maybe if we held onto our anger instead of always trying to let shit go and move on, forgive even, maybe we would be taken more seriously, seen as a force to be reckoned with, when all we want is to be treated right. It pissed me off when Botham Jean’s family member (brother, I think) was so quick to say they forgave the bitch that killed him. My spiritual side understands that forgiveness is not for the offender, my other side prefers an eye for an eye. I just pray that I’m never tested to see which side will win with me.

My daughter has only told me about 2 experiences in her life where a White person said something crazy to her. My son, none. He may have just not told me, he’s kept a lot of things from me, trying to protect me I guess. I can be even more of a hell raiser than my Mom was. I truly thought the world was getting better, my children didn’t have the kind of experiences I did and I’d hoped it would be even better for my grandkids. Now, I just don’t know, because this country is clearly a mess. In 2021!

Anyway, enough rambling. Family isn’t just about who we’re related to by blood, it can also be who we choose. And it sounds like you’ve chosen a great family for yourself. If you know you can always count on them, they’re already a better family than some that we are related to by blood.

My apologies for this long ass post, but I’m not going to edit or delete it.

[Deleted]

I sat through our annual board retreat today, all 3-1/2 hours of it.  The best part was introductions-where we were born, where we've lived, when we moved to this community, interesting fact no one knows about us.  Lots of great stories, lots of incredible journeys from then to now.  Made me smile with delight (behind my mask of course!) when two fellow directors spoke of their same-sex husbands and their membership in the local Pride band.  As a group we fight like a sack full of wildcats from time to time, but it's never been and will not be about race, religion, politics or sexual orientation.  

[Deleted]

I think my journey to "get it" began with two women I know at the church I used to attend. I attended a 4-year course with one of them; she told the story of answering the door on day one in her new home in a very affluent subdivision.  The person at the door asked to speak with the "lady of the house".  It was a rep from the local Democrat club and yes, my classmate is black.  She's also college-educated, was a highly compensated executive for a national firm, etc.  But all the person at the door saw was a skin color, assuming she was household help.

A former member of that same church hosted amazing dinners twice each year in her home pre-Covid.  DH and I were honored to be invited, and sometimes the only white people there.  Guests were diverse, wine flowed generously and conversations were very honest and sometimes heated.  A friend of Honduran background said she was far more scared for her 20-something son on the streets of Houston than she was during his two tours of duty in Afghanistan.  He's been stopped many times by local police simply for DWB - driving while black.  

[chiver78]

Pink, please don't ever apologize for speaking about your experience. ever. I say the same to women who have been sexually assaulted, and anyone else that has ever been made to feel that they take up space and air from "those who matter".

your post brought tears to my eyes. a lot of it sounded like what D told me about, and fuck. this country is still broken.

[Deleted]

Jan 9, 2021 19:10:17 GMT -5 @donethat said:

I think my journey to "get it" began with two women I know at the church I used to attend. I attended a 4-year course with one of them; she told the story of answering the door on day one in her new home in a very affluent subdivision.  The person at the door asked to speak with the "lady of the house".  It was a rep from the local Democrat club and yes, my classmate is black.  She's also college-educated, was a highly compensated executive for a national firm, etc.  But all the person at the door saw was a skin color, assuming she was household help.

A former member of that same church hosted amazing dinners twice each year in her home pre-Covid.  DH and I were honored to be invited, and sometimes the only white people there.  Guests were diverse, wine flowed generously and conversations were very honest and sometimes heated.  A friend of Honduran background said she was far more scared for her 20-something son on the streets of Houston than she was during his two tours of duty in Afghanistan.  He's been stopped many times by local police simply for DWB - driving while black.  

I kind of envy you, getting to meet, talk to and spend time with people from so many different parts of the world. 

[Deleted]

Jan 9, 2021 19:13:38 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Pink, please don't ever apologize for speaking about your experience. ever. I say the same to women who have been sexually assaulted, and anyone else that has ever been made to feel that they take up space and air from "those who matter".

your post brought tears to my eyes. a lot of it sounded like what D told me about, and fuck. this country is still broken.

It is. But together, we can try to fix it.

[chiver78]

💗

[tractor]

I live in the great white north, which fits that description in more than one way. I have no friends who are not white, more a product of my surroundings than a choice I have made.

I like to think that a board like this helps us all realize that in many ways we are the same. It also helps to make the point that in the absence of color, we share the same hopes, dreams and fears. Now if we could just figure out a way to extend that out into the “real” world.

[happyhoix]

Jan 9, 2021 19:35:31 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Jan 9, 2021 19:13:38 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Pink, please don't ever apologize for speaking about your experience. ever. I say the same to women who have been sexually assaulted, and anyone else that has ever been made to feel that they take up space and air from "those who matter".

your post brought tears to my eyes. a lot of it sounded like what D told me about, and fuck. this country is still broken.

It is. But together, we can try to fix it.

Just think about Georgia - a state controlled (using Jim Crow and gerrymandering) since forever. Now, the great migration from the 100 years ago is reversing, and many black/brown people are returning to the GA urban and suburban areas. Thanks to the organizing from Stacy Abrams and other community organizers, we’ve flipped to vote for Biden in November, and now elected two Dems (one black and one Jewish) to the senate. First black man voted the senate from Georgia! 

I think a lot of the nasty violence we’re seeing is a kind of last scream from the racists who realize they’re losing their monopoly on society. My mom was racist (not just against black people, but Hispanics, Catholics, Jews, Italians, pretty much anyone who was not a white Anglo Saxon Protestant) but if you look at my son, with half black cousins, a Hispanic BIL and a gay uncle and cousin, you can see each generation is improving, IMHO. 

[Deleted]

Jan 10, 2021 22:23:34 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

Jan 9, 2021 19:35:31 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

It is. But together, we can try to fix it.

Just think about Georgia - a state controlled (using Jim Crow and gerrymandering) since forever. Now, the great migration from the 100 years ago is reversing, and many black/brown people are returning to the GA urban and suburban areas. Thanks to the organizing from Stacy Abrams and other community organizers, we’ve flipped to vote for Biden in November, and now elected two Dems (one black and one Jewish) to the senate. First black man voted the senate from Georgia! 

I think a lot of the nasty violence we’re seeing is a kind of last scream from the racists who realize they’re losing their monopoly on society. My mom was racist (not just against black people, but Hispanics, Catholics, Jews, Italians, pretty much anyone who was not a white Anglo Saxon Protestant) but if you look at my son, with half black cousins, a Hispanic BIL and a gay uncle and cousin, you can see each generation is improving, IMHO. 

[Deleted]

I am trying to muddle through some more thoughts, maybe you all can help me. I was reading one of the threads here about what happened on Jan 6th, and the posts comparing the responses to the Black Lives Matter protests to the response to the rioters on the 6th, and I keep wondering “why”. I understand that it’s likely that the stage was intentionally set to allow them access to the Capitol by like minded people.

I’ve felt for most of my adult life that the hatred of us is at least in part, rooted in fear. Why though? Is it fear that we will one day decide to make America “pay” for all the atrocities and mistreatment we have and still endure? Or is it more personal, something about us that sparks fear in white men and women? I’ve heard many theories but most of them, it would be impolite for me to repeat them here.

If any of you have ideas or opinions, please share. I could be wrong about the fear, and it’s just ignorance that caused and causes the hatred. If that’s what you think, I’m open to those opinions also.

[justme]

I'm vaguely recalling an article I read that said the fear was instilled knowingly originally and now it just lives on as fear does. It was talking about how a short time after the civil war there wasn't as much animosity - you saw black people get elected to public offices even in the south and then it started to change. Much like most of the confederate statues didn't go up until like 50 years after the war. I wish I could remember where I read it or what it was titled. 

But it essentially said the fear was instilled to keep the black people "in their place" now that they couldn't be slaves, but when you see your grandma afraid of black people, your mom afraid of them, it's hard to break that fear - especially if it wasn't so blatant and more of the cross to the other side when you see a black person fear. 

It's similar to what's being used against Mexicans now - fear of taking your job, fear of them being rapists and murderers.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

From what I've read it's that in the last 500 years we've built a society that is focused and dominated by the white straight male experience.

A mediocre white man in our society has nothing to fear. He knows he'll get the job over a woman or minority simply because he's a white man.

Hence the saying a woman or black person has to work twice as hard just to be considered competent.

Exhibit A would be how people talk about Obama vs Trump.

If we consider it's the system and not some wonderful God given innate talent that comes simply from gender, skin color, sexual orientation or religion then all of a sudden all those mediocre white men have something to fear.

Power corrupts. We've spent hundreds of years consolidating power in the hands of a few. That won't be undone overnight.

On top of that to make sure the less than mediocre white men, white women, straight people etc don't look too closely into their own lives those in power need to make sure there is always a scapegoat so at least they are better than someone.

Till that group can recognize they are getting crumbs and a pat on the head little will change. As long as it's still better to be a white woman.than a black woman there is the temptation for me to defend the very institutions that keep me down. I benefit in exchange for my soul.

[jerseygirl]

Have read security groups felt no security threats based on other Trump rallies, also did NOT want to make a large show of force , maybe to decrease provocations??
National Guard called but the NG wanted specific info on what would be required of them and delayed appearing till after capitol was cleared(saw the timeline in today’s WSJ)

Saw an AP news overview comparing ‘overwhelming show of force’ in Seattle re BLM and implying racism. I don’t buy that. The Seattle response shown was after many BLM demonstrations that had been hijacked by violent riots at night in NYC, and fires taking over police station in Seattle.
More appropriate to compare the video in Seattle after few days of fires etc to now at the capitol when there are more national guard snd other security

[tractor]

Jan 11, 2021 12:39:13 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

I am trying to muddle through some more thoughts, maybe you all can help me. I was reading one of the threads here about what happened on Jan 6th, and the posts comparing the responses to the Black Lives Matter protests to the response to the rioters on the 6th, and I keep wondering “why”. I understand that it’s likely that the stage was intentionally set to allow them access to the Capitol by like minded people.

I’ve felt for most of my adult life that the hatred of us is at least in part, rooted in fear. Why though? Is it fear that we will one day decide to make America “pay” for all the atrocities and mistreatment we have and still endure? Or is it more personal, something about us that sparks fear in white men and women? I’ve heard many theories but most of them, it would be impolite for me to repeat them here.

If any of you have ideas or opinions, please share. I could be wrong about the fear, and it’s just ignorance that caused and causes the hatred. If that’s what you think, I’m open to those opinions also.

I will respond with my own personal opinion, please do not hate me for sharing, or classify me as a racist. It occurred to me the other day, that at least in my very limited world, people of color tend to be more outwardly aggressive, and by that I mean they are more willing to put “words into action” and not take BS from anybody. Where most white folks talk a big game, but usually have very little to show for it. Think about all the folks walking around with guns trying to look self-important on TV, not many are people of color (don’t get me wrong, gun violence knows no color, but how many black guys/gals do you see walking around with automatic weapons at large political gatherings?).

I think think inane fear of demonstrated aggression scares many white people, and thus we tend to act out of fear by over compensating before even trying to understand what’s really going on.

I believe the lack of crowd control in DC recently compared to the BLM control techniques demonstrates this very fact. White guys with guns = no balls, therefore, very little fear by security forces. Large groups of black men, wiling to back up words with actions, scares everyone in charge.

[Deleted]

It’s amazing to me how so many that were taught all these crazy things never stopped to think for themselves and consider if the things they were taught is really the kind of person they want to be.

When I was around 22yo, I worked in an office with just 2 other people. A middle age white woman and a white man I’m guessing was in his 60’s. The woman was curious about why I spoke so well when she heard so many other black people speak Ebonics or whatever. I didn’t hold it against her because that’s how I tend to talk too, around my family and friends. Many black people have learned to switch up how we speak and carry ourselves depending on where we are and who we’re around. It’s pretty much automatic for me. There’s actually a word that’s been coined for that now, especially when it’s done in a work environment, but I can’t recall it at the moment.

Anyway, one day the man started a conversation with me about how he was raised in Arkansas and taught all those things about black people. He said that as a young man, he started questioning it all and realized it was crazy talk and he didn’t want to be that kind of person. So he chose not to.

By then, we’d been working together for a while, and we worked well together. He’d never been anything but cordial and friendly to me. If he hadn’t told me his story himself, I would’ve never thought he’d been raised the way he described. My respect for him grew after he shared his story.

I know it’s been passed down in families since forever, I just never understood why, and why people never stop to reconsider once they’re old enough to think for themselves. I guess because it works for them, as explained in prior posts.

Since last week, FB has been full of posts asking who the animals really are, since that’s what some refer to Black people as. The point was that the animals were the ones that descended on the Capitol and committed terrible acts, and it certainly wasn’t a huge crowd of black people.