Addiction and Christmas and problems.

[gs11rmb]

Jan 7, 2020 13:01:10 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Jan 7, 2020 12:48:19 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

I think she's afraid to break up with him right now because he'll go straight back to drinking and she'll feel responsible for his death.  She's on vacation with her daughter starting today.  I hope the time apart helps her figure things out. 

He's going right back to drinking no matter what happens. Her responsibility is to take care of her daughter and herself.

How old is her daughter?  I was assuming she was of a similar age to your kids but I just realized she could be an adult.  I really hope that's the case.

[Wisconsin Beth]

L2 has 2 kids - a son who's a senior in HS and a daughter who's a senior in college. 

BIL has no spouse.  DN#6 is 19, so she's be legally the one making decisions for Medical POA shane.  She would probably consult with her mom, L1, the ex wife. 

[Works4me]

Damn - alcoholism sure sux! It's not right for a 19 y/o with her background to be put into that role.

[stillmovingforward]

I'd recommend reading the book 'change or die'. It is about why people can be faced with knowing their habits will cause their death or incarceration but they don't/can't change. And what it takes to change. Very interesting. It's an easy read. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jan 7, 2020 16:17:28 GMT -5 Works4me said:

Damn - alcoholism sure sux! It's not right for a 19 y/o with her background to be put into that role.

Yeah, she's got her own demons.  She's doing ok right now.  Shares a house, is doing nails.  Seems to be adulting ok.  Better than BIL at any rate.

BIL was released yesterday.  DH went to pick him up, delivery him to his parents house and move stuff to the basement so BIL has a place to sleep.  DH also made sure to empty out all recycling so BIL couldn't go for any booze drips left in bottles. 

Their booze went to the garage.  It's locked.  I'm going with 'better than nothing' and shutting my mouth. 

[azucena]

Beth - I've been following this but not commenting so far.

My FIL was an alcoholic since well before I knew him when I started dating my DH in high school. FIL was unemployed and spent his disability payments on smokes and booze such that often there wasn't food in the house. Both FIL and MIL were born legally blind.  Both could work but when they did, they never made more than disability would provide so why bother (their attitude, not mine).

DH started working at 13 and would give his parents money. At 15 when he got a drivers license and started working even more (which meant paying for his car and his own insurance), he realized it was much better to buy necessities for the household than to just give them money to spend on their vices.

MIL left FIL at least 3 times that I knew about, once even going to a domestic violence shelter. I'm not sure if there was abuse, but I know the drinking made her leave. He would promise to be better, and she would come back.

The one and only time DH spoke to his dad and mom about the drinking, they told him never to bring it up again. After that, DH established healthier boundaries for himself.

About 7-8 years ago, FIL had the flu and went to the doctor.  DH couldn't remember him ever seeing a doctor.  Dr said if you continue drinking it will kill you - MIL was in the room and told us.  Six months later, FIL had a nasty cough for several weeks and then next thing you know DH gets a call that MIL called an ambulance to take FIL to the hospital.  Less than 24 hours later FIL died at age 50.  Official cause of death was organ failure.  To this day, MIL and other family members will wonder out loud why FIL died even going so far as to say maybe the hospital did something wrong.  On some level DH gets that it was a result of the alcoholism but then occasionally even he will say something a bit off.  Depending on the circumstances, I may question him but not always because his relationship with them was dysfunctional and sometimes it's better not to open that door. For all my complaints about DH here - it really is amazing that he's become the good person that he is.

Denial is a powerful thing. 

[finnime]

Jan 8, 2020 9:02:23 GMT -5 azucena said:

Beth - I've been following this but not commenting so far.

My FIL was an alcoholic since well before I knew him when I started dating my DH in high school. FIL was unemployed and spent his disability payments on smokes and booze such that often there wasn't food in the house. Both FIL and MIL were born legally blind.  Both could work but when they did, they never made more than disability would provide so why bother (their attitude, not mine).

DH started working at 13 and would give his parents money. At 15 when he got a drivers license and started working even more (which meant paying for his car and his own insurance), he realized it was much better to buy necessities for the household than to just give them money to spend on their vices.

MIL left FIL at least 3 times that I knew about, once even going to a domestic violence shelter. I'm not sure if there was abuse, but I know the drinking made her leave. He would promise to be better, and she would come back.

The one and only time DH spoke to his dad and mom about the drinking, they told him never to bring it up again. After that, DH established healthier boundaries for himself.

About 7-8 years ago, FIL had the flu and went to the doctor.  DH couldn't remember him ever seeing a doctor.  Dr said if you continue drinking it will kill you - MIL was in the room and told us.  Six months later, FIL had a nasty cough for several weeks and then next thing you know DH gets a call that MIL called an ambulance to take FIL to the hospital.  Less than 24 hours later FIL died at age 50.  Official cause of death was organ failure.  To this day, MIL and other family members will wonder out loud why FIL died even going so far as to say maybe the hospital did something wrong.  On some level DH gets that it was a result of the alcoholism but then occasionally even he will say something a bit off.  Depending on the circumstances, I may question him but not always because his relationship with them was dysfunctional and sometimes it's better not to open that door. For all my complaints about DH here - it really is amazing that he's become the good person that he is.

Denial is a powerful thing. 

Denial can create an entire universe of nothing but air wafting by. Alcoholics are mad geniuses at getting everyone allowed in their universe to deny, or at least never acknowledge, the truth.

[Wisconsin Beth]

L2 texted asking about meds.  She talked/texted to BIL and he said something about prescriptions probably being at the drugstore.  DH didn't stop anywhere for meds after picking BIL up.  I doubt it occurred to him.  Hell, it never occurred to me either.  He did make ask about if BIL had the dietary restrictions paperwork.  BIL said it was in his backpack.  I'm assuming all other instructions are in there too. 

[gs11rmb]

I just read an article about the doubling of alcohol related deaths on CNN:  www.cnn.com/2020/01/08/health/alcohol-related-deaths-double/index.html

It did end on a positive note.  If your BIL can quit then his body should be able to repair itself to a large extent.

"If you catch people at the right time and if they can stop drinking, this is a promising situation," Tapper said. "I've seen people come into my clinic with liver failure and then after they stop drinking a year later, they look like a million dollars. The liver can regenerate and this is a problem that often times can be helped."

[shanendoah]

Wisconsin Beth - I was kind of scared that BIL's daughter might be old enough to be considered the decision-maker. Because yeah, at 19, that's tough. But she is allowed to consult with anyone she wants, including her grandparents. Hell, she's allowed to look at her grandparents when the doctor asks a question, have them answer it, and then turn to the doctor and say "Do that."
But, since BIL is not in the hospital now, depending on your/ your DH's relationship with him, one of you might want to bring up how awful it would be for his daughter to have to make those decisions and see if you can get him to do a medical POA naming his parents.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Thanks Shane.  I'll bring it up.  It may have been taken care of already.  I'm not sure what all L2 resolved.  I know she was working with the social worker at the hospital but am not sure what all that covered. 

[Chocolate Lover]

Jan 7, 2020 23:03:50 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

I'd recommend reading the book 'change or die'. It is about why people can be faced with knowing their habits will cause their death or incarceration but they don't/can't change. And what it takes to change. Very interesting. It's an easy read. 

I looked for it, and if you have Kindle Unlimited, it's free to read there right now.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Thanks CL.  I do have Kindle Unlimited. 

The meds issue got resolved and they were picked up.  Presumable BIL is taking them. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

L2 took BIL to his doctor appointment yesterday.  Doctor is surprised that BIL hasn't started in home PT and OT.  Something got lost in translations when he left the hospital, I guess.  I'm told he's pretty lethargic so hopefully this will help.

DH is confused about the different between in hospital type setting rehab being denied by insurance and them allowing in home PT and OT rehab.  I'm not but didn't feel like trying to explain it to him. 

[swamp]

Jan 16, 2020 10:06:46 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

L2 took BIL to his doctor appointment yesterday.  Doctor is surprised that BIL hasn't started in home PT and OT.  Something got lost in translations when he left the hospital, I guess.  I'm told he's pretty lethargic so hopefully this will help.

DH is confused about the different between in hospital type setting rehab being denied by insurance and them allowing in home PT and OT rehab.  I'm not but didn't feel like trying to explain it to him. 

 Money money money...............Mooooo-nay. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jan 16, 2020 10:19:17 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jan 16, 2020 10:06:46 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

L2 took BIL to his doctor appointment yesterday.  Doctor is surprised that BIL hasn't started in home PT and OT.  Something got lost in translations when he left the hospital, I guess.  I'm told he's pretty lethargic so hopefully this will help.

DH is confused about the different between in hospital type setting rehab being denied by insurance and them allowing in home PT and OT rehab.  I'm not but didn't feel like trying to explain it to him. 

 Money money money...............Mooooo-nay. 

I was cranky last night.  And I'd just gotten done trying to explain my thoughts on wondering if BIL had left the hospital against medical advice. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

BIL has a blood sugar over 500 today.  He's not taking his insulin regularly.  And he's refusing to go to the hospital.  I left my phone at home today so I just got an update from DH.  I told DH that if he wants to die/kill himself, we can't stop him. 

I've been sort of monitoring Dispatch calls, since he got out.  I told DH about it on his update call and will let him know.  BIL is at MIL and FIL's house. 

[raeoflyte]

Jan 16, 2020 13:27:05 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

BIL has a blood sugar over 500 today.  He's not taking his insulin regularly.  And he's refusing to go to the hospital.  I left my phone at home today so I just got an update from DH.  I told DH that if he wants to die/kill himself, we can't stop him. 

I've been sort of monitoring Dispatch calls, since he got out.  I told DH about it on his update call and will let him know.  BIL is at MIL and FIL's house. 

I don't know all of the differences between type 1 and type 2, but a bg over 500 wouldn't be a reason I would see to go to the hospital unless there's other stuff going on.  As long as he can inject insulin now and isn't having other issues (vomiting, lethargic, flu like symptoms), I'd tell him to check for ketones, check bg and take insulin regularly and chug water until he's back in range.  

[Wisconsin Beth]

He was still "off" this morning and L2 called his doctor, who told BIL to go to ER.  So he and she are at ER now.  MIL and FIL are at MIL's doctor appointment. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

BIL was given insulin and they checked his blood.  He's apparently doing better now than when he went in.  It sounds like he and L2 are just waiting for him to be released, then they're picking up DN#6 and heading back to MIL and FIL's house.  L2 has appointments this afternoon so DN#6 gets to babysit her dad. 

MIL is getting 2 blood transfusions today.  This makes 5 since around Christmas. 

[laterbloomer]

I'm sorry this is your life right now.

[Wisconsin Beth]

It could be worse.  I'm not expected to do any nursing type stuff for either of them. 

[imawino]

Jan 17, 2020 15:10:20 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

It could be worse.  I'm not expected to do any nursing type stuff for either of them. 

This is a nice, positive outlook.

But I agree with Later, sorry that you are having to muddle through all this. And I'm sure it cast a pall over the holidays as well. I'm thinking lots of good thoughts for you and your family.

[TheOtherMe]

Beth, I think you can use some 

[countrygirl2]

Deleted

[Wisconsin Beth]

BIL is annoying MIL.  He's spent the last couple of nights at his house, with either L2 or DN#6 (or possibly both of them, I'm not sure) and he's not communicating with her.  Not coming back when he/they say he is.  They're trying to work on plans involving driving so she's got a right to be upset, in my opinion.  He's not driving yet and I'm not sure if that's from having a seizure or "just" a side effect of everything else.  I keep forgetting to ask.  He's apparently complaining that everyone is trying to control him.  I made a comment to her about bitchslapping, which surprised her but that may have been because my kids were in the room too. 

She had an EKG yesterday.  When I talked to her, she said they'd call with results.  I assumed they'd call the same day but I didn't actually check that. 

DH and I were talking - winter is starting to kick my butt.  We've ordered some vitamin D for me to start taking.  It's a 5K dose and made with coconut oil/fat so it will absorb more quickly.  I'm already on antidepressants and see my doctor on the 30th.  I'm going to ask her about increasing the meds for Feb.  I'm on a dose of either 25 or 50 mg so we've got lots of room to play with increasing it.  I don't want to make it a permanent increase because I usually do better come summer. 

[azucena]

Beth - good that you are taking care of yourself. See if you can find a sunny window to sun yourself like a cat. I swear I notice my mood improve on days that I'm able to do that.

[buystoys]

Sorry you are having such a rough time Beth.  Kudos to you to being proactive with your depression meds!  With everything you have going on, it's easy to see that you need a boost.

[bean29]

Beth,

I am sorry you are having such a hard time, hopefully now that the Holidays are behind us, and the days are getting a bit longer, you will start to feel better. If you want a girl's night let me know - but I might need to wait until Feburary I have to get 1099's, W-2's and Financials done by EOM.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I just want to curl up and sleep.  Or just stay in bed with my Kindle and/or a book.  I did get the dishwasher run this morning and a load of laundry going.  I had extra time because K has vball practice at 715 and instead of leaving at 630, I leave with her at 7.