Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Dec 28, 2019 17:07:25 GMT -5
MIL ended up being told to go to the ER. They ran a bunch of tests and sent her home. No clot found. Yay!
BIL has been moved out of ICU to a regular room. He's breathing on his own but still has an IV and catheter in. Yay!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2019 17:44:44 GMT -5
It seems that things are looking up. Thank heaven for that!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Dec 30, 2019 19:19:26 GMT -5
He's doing better. The current plan is that he stays in the hospital until after New Years, then goes to a rehab place to regain strength and muscle tone. He's lost a lot of that since he's been in the hospital. After rehab, he goes to live with MIL and FIL for an undetermined amount of time.
MIL and FIL were talking with DH about the booze in their house and what to do with it while he's there. They know they should get it out of the house but don't want to. They want to be able to have a drink when he's not around or something. I feel this has horrible plan written on it but other than offering to house their booze, I'm staying out of it. DH has offered to house their booze already.
So deep breaths. This too shall pass.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Dec 30, 2019 19:33:49 GMT -5
Good luck...gotta wonder about the ILs relationship with alcohol if it's that important to them to keep it in the house.
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Wisconsin Beth
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No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Dec 30, 2019 20:00:54 GMT -5
Good luck...gotta wonder about the ILs relationship with alcohol if it's that important to them to keep it in the house. It's not real good. I admit, my family's relationship with alcohol isn't super good either. So it's not like I should be casting stones here.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Dec 30, 2019 20:14:22 GMT -5
Good luck...gotta wonder about the ILs relationship with alcohol if it's that important to them to keep it in the house. It's not real good. I admit, my family's relationship with alcohol isn't super good either. So it's not like I should be casting stones here.
It's not about throwing stones, it's about being realistic. They aren't responsible for his drinking but they still don't appreciate what a big deal it is. I really wish all of you the best, but it doesn't sound like any of them have hit bottom on this. |
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Dec 30, 2019 22:06:14 GMT -5
Thanks later. I'm not always sure if I'm being realistic, pessimistic or just a pita with this.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 1, 2020 20:27:12 GMT -5
BIL is in the post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS) part of withdrawl.
PAWS involves withdrawal symptoms that occur after acute withdrawal and can make post-rehab life challenging for some individuals. Depending on the severity of your alcohol abuse, PAWS can last anywhere from a few weeks to a year.
Common symptoms of PAWS include:
Irritability and emotional outbursts
Anxiety
Low energy
Trouble sleeping
Memory problems
Dizziness
Increased accident proneness
Delayed reflexes
Intense cravings
Chronic nausea
He's also taking it out on L2. Then when she gets up to leave the abuse, he's all "why are you leaving?" It also sounds like he's desperate for soda, which I suspect is a substitute for booze.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jan 1, 2020 20:49:29 GMT -5
That's rough for your BIL and maybe worse for those around him. Hugs to you and your family.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 1, 2020 20:58:29 GMT -5
He wants the sugar. Hard candy and oranges are also good. Keep lots on hand. Nothing is going to make this easy but that will make it a little less impossible.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 1, 2020 21:03:42 GMT -5
He wants the sugar. Hard candy and oranges are also good. Keep lots on hand. Nothing is going to make this easy but that will make it a little less impossible. He's diabetic.
He's going to have something along the lines of liver dialysis on a monthly basis. I'm not sure if that's forever or if his liver can recover to some extent.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 1, 2020 21:10:21 GMT -5
There's no benefit to anyone putting up with his abuse. It isn't going to make his recovery any easier and he sure as hell isn't going to appreciate it. He's going to bitch no matter what people do so people might as well take care of themselves.
I can't tell you how mad I am on your behalf. Alcoholism/addiction is a disease but it is treatable. It frustrates the hell out of me when alcoholics chose to make life hard for those around them rather than do the hard work themselves. He's very lucky his family loves him so much. But I really, really hope everyone takes care of themselves and don't let him take anyone down with him, any more than he already has. |
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 1, 2020 21:22:09 GMT -5
I didn't live here when my BIL stopped drinking. His only counseling was the pastor of his church.
I don't think my sister would have put up with abuse, especially because she had told him to choose between her and the 4 kids or the alcohol. He chose the family.
That was 25 or 26 years ago and he still does not allow alcohol in their home. He says if it was there, he thinks he would drink it.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 1, 2020 21:33:49 GMT -5
There's no benefit to anyone putting up with his abuse. It isn't going to make his recovery any easier and he sure as hell isn't going to appreciate it. He's going to bitch no matter what people do so people might as well take care of themselves.
I can't tell you how mad I am on your behalf. Alcoholism/addiction is a disease but it is treatable. It frustrates the hell out of me when alcoholics chose to make life hard for those around them rather than do the hard work themselves. He's very lucky his family loves him so much. But I really, really hope everyone takes care of themselves and don't let him take anyone down with him, any more than he already has. She doesn't seem to think he remembers the abuse. And outbursts and memory issues are part of PAWS. But I'm encouraging her to go when he gets abusive. |
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 1, 2020 21:49:46 GMT -5
He's on suicide watch now. He scored in the mid ranges on a test the staff did this evening. No visitors after 8pm, no personal stuff in the room, and he's to be checked every 30 minutes.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 2, 2020 12:49:17 GMT -5
After this morning, L2 has decided to take a break from visiting BIL. He was verbally abusing her this morning when he realized she didn't bring him a diet Coke. Which he can't have, something about the muscles being used for swallowing being too weak or something. She's sending me crying emojis. I'm trying to give her support for establishing and holding a boundary today.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 2, 2020 14:10:19 GMT -5
I saw a meme today that made me think of your BIL. "Some alcoholics would rather die than get sober. And they do."  |
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 2, 2020 14:18:31 GMT -5
Good for L2 for not taking that crap today.  |
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 2, 2020 17:12:43 GMT -5
I saw a meme today that made me think of your BIL. "Some alcoholics would rather die than get sober. And they do." Honestly, that's where I think my BIL is heading. I think DH feels that way too. But we can't "fix" him, he needs to do the work himself. |
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 2, 2020 17:16:56 GMT -5
He's doing better. The current plan is that he stays in the hospital until after New Years, then goes to a rehab place to regain strength and muscle tone. He's lost a lot of that since he's been in the hospital. After rehab, he goes to live with MIL and FIL for an undetermined amount of time.
MIL and FIL were talking with DH about the booze in their house and what to do with it while he's there. They know they should get it out of the house but don't want to. They want to be able to have a drink when he's not around or something. I feel this has horrible plan written on it but other than offering to house their booze, I'm staying out of it. DH has offered to house their booze already.
So deep breaths. This too shall pass.
Can they put it in a locked cupboard or something? |
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 2, 2020 17:20:37 GMT -5
I'm not sure they have a locking cupboard but I'll suggest it. Thanks Welts.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Jan 2, 2020 18:34:05 GMT -5
Maybe BIL needs to not live there. For many reasons, a sober living house could give him the best chance of survival.
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saveinla
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Post by saveinla on Jan 2, 2020 18:44:43 GMT -5
I saw a meme today that made me think of your BIL. "Some alcoholics would rather die than get sober. And they do." Honestly, that's where I think my BIL is heading. I think DH feels that way too. But we can't "fix" him, he needs to do the work himself. My friend's story sounds very similar to your BIL Beth. I was telling my DH that he was trying to kill himself by drinking, not eating or taking his Diabetes medications. He had been working till he went to the hospital, but drinking all the time, taking out short term cash loans at all the outlets, pawning stuff etc.etc. I am still not sure what caused this, as when we started working around 20 years ago he did not drink at all. His wife and kids are in so much trouble right now. He does not have any money - last I heard they had 2000 in the bank and they are not sure if and when Short Term Disability will be approved and when they will start getting any help. The short term cash outlets are all allowed to take their monthly payment from the bank. My DH has gone with her to the SS office today to see how they can help, but everything will take time. I am really mad at him for upending their lives like this. Now she has no other option other than to wait for him to die or get better. |
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jan 2, 2020 20:13:14 GMT -5
I saw a meme today that made me think of your BIL. "Some alcoholics would rather die than get sober. And they do." My one stepbrother was found dead clutching a vodka bottle. You can't save people, they have to want it and do the work. Even involuntary commitment to rehab didn't help a bit in this case. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2020 20:15:51 GMT -5
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crazycat
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Post by crazycat on Jan 2, 2020 22:47:44 GMT -5
Rehab / AA / whatever won’t work until they are ready to change . My dad was an alcoholic and went thru countless rehabs , AA groups , church help , nothing ever worked . You can’t tell them to do it for their kids , family , etc . It doesn’t usually stock , they have to hit their rock bottom and want to do it for themselves . My dad never did . He died when I was 14.
It really sucks for the family who is going along for this ride . My good thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours .
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 2, 2020 22:58:46 GMT -5
Yeah, my MIL's tried the guilt thing already. Hasn't worked yet. His exwife, L1, tried to get him to assorted therapies and help. Every time he'd get to where he needed to change or reflect on his actions, he'd stop going.
I've arranged for kid care tomorrow so I'm going to go see him. C doesn't want to go see him and K says it makes her sad to go see him. So they don't have to go.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 3, 2020 7:08:34 GMT -5
I'm sorry you are all dealing with this, Beth. How are you and your husband holding up?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2020 8:08:31 GMT -5
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 3, 2020 10:57:03 GMT -5
We're holding up ok.
DH and L2 are meeting this weekend to go over all the paperwork and bills that L2 has been handling/aware of. She and BIL had been doing Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace at her church so she's definitely more aware of his finances than we are. And there's FMLA paperwork that's somewhere in the pipeline that she's turning over to DH too.
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