Gaming spouses support

[shanendoah]

Wisconsin Beth - You are "paying" me by getting things out of my house. Today is snow day #2 here due to icy conditions (Seattle area is full of hills). I'll see if I can make sure to find a Pikachu, and then see what I have in English language cards. Guessing the Japanese language ones aren't going to be what you want. 
I will PM later for the address to ship them to.

[Wisconsin Beth]

YOu're amazing.  Thanks!

[azucena]

Feb 5, 2019 10:17:06 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Wisconsin Beth - You are "paying" me by getting things out of my house. Today is snow day #2 here due to icy conditions (Seattle area is full of hills). I'll see if I can make sure to find a Pikachu, and then see what I have in English language cards. Guessing the Japanese language ones aren't going to be what you want. 
I will PM later for the address to ship them to.

Throw one Japanese in there to confuzzle the child

[Wisconsin Beth]

He's in a German Immersion School and I think he expects stuff to be in English or German.  Maybe with Spanish as a distant 3rd.  lol.

[shanendoah]

I don't think I have anything in German. I have Harry Potter cards in French. If anyone wants those....

[cktc]

So now DH is  commandeering the kids stacking cups for a dice rolling tower 

[sheilaincali]

cktc laughing with you, not at you.  Sorry

[shanendoah]

cktc - Standard gamer procedure, especially where dice are concerned. The classic dice bag is a purple Crown Royal bag, used by gamers as young as 13. We also use makeup/toiletry zipping bags (we have an RSD2 one, that was used specifically for the special dice needed for the new Star Wars RPG).
So I totally get it. Dice Towers are expensive, especially when I have something at home that will work just as well.

[azucena]

Aw yes, the purple Crown Royal bag.  Le sigh.

This plastic box of chocolates has become a dice display case in DH's gaming circle.  Complete with lights around the edges to make it sparkle.
www.target.com/p/ferrero-assorted-collection-9-1oz/-/A-13355051

[cktc]

Feb 6, 2019 15:07:00 GMT -5 azucena said:

Aw yes, the purple Crown Royal bag.  Le sigh.

This plastic box of chocolates has become a dice display case in DH's gaming circle.  Complete with lights around the edges to make it sparkle.
www.target.com/p/ferrero-assorted-collection-9-1oz/-/A-13355051

Hahahaha

The Crown Royal bag has come and gone in favor of a genuine dice bag. I suppose this means I should expect a real dice tower to grace our shelves soon.

[azucena]

DH floated the idea of getting a 3d printer last night to print his own miniatures.  Based on the cost of printer ink, I can only imagine what the plastic(?) refills cost.  It's a firm no.

[cktc]

Feb 7, 2019 9:02:09 GMT -5 azucena said:

DH floated the idea of getting a 3d printer last night to print his own miniatures.  Based on the cost of printer ink, I can only imagine what the plastic(?) refills cost.  It's a firm no.

DH has kicked this around too. His big want currently is a laser cutter/engraver to make his own tokens. That'll only be a couple thousand and no where to store. It gets all the nope from me. My boss has one. It's an albatross and they are always coming up with new projects to justify the cost of purchasing and maintaining it. I suggested my DH trade labor for access. He keeps buying the $18 tokens off ebay instead.

I've also tried pushing him towards a cricut. Surely he could do something with that? I have plenty of project ideas for the rest of the family with that.

[sheilaincali]

The Hubs has been making noises about "needing" a 3D printer too. He's researched them, gone to a free class to learn how to build one and priced them out.

So far I've been able to distract him. But I fear he'll buy one before the end of the year.

We can't even keep a regular printer working for longer than 3 print jobs. I don't know why he thinks a 3D one would be any different

[shanendoah]

My brother (who is a gamer and is the reason I am a gamer) has a 3D printer, and printed me a chess set for Christmas, based on the Lewis Chessmen.
I've got a few other nick knacks he's made as well.

Again, I'm terrible on this thread. BUT, I will say, my brother is single, gainfully employed, and living with our mother (he does a LOT of work around the house for her), so him spending money on the 3D printer and the different supplies isn't a big deal.

[MJ2.0]

If you are a responsible adult who is handling your professional/familial/financial business, I honestly don’t know why choosing to game as a hobby needs any justification.

[azucena]

I would be totally okay if DH worked a 3d printer and supplies into his gaming money.  I think they've really come down in price so would only take a couple of months, but he's not willing to stop spending that money on other things.

MJ - it's not so much the gaming hobby as it is the quantity of time and the money "needed" to buy ALL.THE.THINGS.  And the obsessive nature.

DH plays on Sundays from 5 pm until 2 am so 9 hours.  I know he easily spends 5 to 6 hours researching/preparing/etc.  So call it 15 hours per week.

DH has a walk-in closet that is quickly filling with board games.  I'm sure there are 100 that cost at least $20/each (probably more like $30 to $50) which my math says is $2000, and that's a really conservative estimate.  And the games keep coming with no end in sight.  Our new house isn't going to force him to limit due to lack of space.  He likes to compare this to what little shopping I do for work clothes which is lame because those are truly a need and I'm a bargain hunter.  He has no idea what a typical professional woman might spend annually on work clothes.  His work provides the polos that he needs and he wears gym pants/shorts so there is no comparison there either.

When we go on spring break, he'll want to pack 8-10 games like he did last year when we only played one card game one night.  And then gripe about how many sand toys I'm packing for the kids.

Shane and MJ - I appreciate your comments in the thread because it does help me understand the other side.

[shanendoah]

azucena - So I try to compare the gaming spending more to what I spend on my hair. I go to a professional stylist every 6-8 weeks. My hair is colored and needs to have the roots touched up, even if I'm not making a complete change. So I spend roughly $75-100/month on my hair, and my hair is not a need, it's a definite want. So, gaming can spend that much, too (IN MY FAMILY - because we have the money for it.)

And again, it really is possible to be moderate. I own very few of my own gaming books. My brother had them, my friends, boyfriends, husband have them, so I have rarely wanted my own copy. (There are some exceptions - the Star Trek RPG books are MINE. The Werewolf Middle Ages book was MINE.) So it really is possible to do this in moderation. Especially now. Most of the RPG books are available as downloadable PDFs for a lot less money than the physical book, they don't take up shelf space, and they're super easy to search. But, I also know people who have rules against having computers at the gaming table, so you need at least one or two copies of the physical books for that.

There are also board games that you can buy as apps, that are so much better as apps than as board games. And you just pass around the tablet for each person's turn. Ticket to Ride - a little better with the App, Puerto Rico - about even board game v App, Small World - I will never play the board version again, only the App version. Splendor - the App lets me play when no one else wants to play with me.

Now, we currently benefit from the fact that we have multiple people's board game collections, and are the shipping address for another friend's kickstarter purchases. So we have some amazing games that we didn't pay a penny for. (But that also take up a lot of space, and we may never play. So it's a trade off.)

There is definitely a balance to be reached.
If your kids like board games at all, there are some great games that are fun for adults and kids. Machi Koro, Tsuro, Timeline are all games that can be played by young players (Tsuro can probably go down to as young as 4, with minor assistance from a parent) and adults. They have enough luck involved that the adults won't always win, but they aren't pure luck, so everyone does have to think at least a little bit.
But, and here's the hard part, as a parent, you sometimes have to let the kid be interested in NOT board games, and do things your kid is interested in. Though, for the record, we had a dog show card game and a horse show card game that Pop Tart loved, so you can often find games that really do cross over the interests.

As video games, I know a ton of parents who play the Lego games with their kids. Minecraft is as much about building a world as it is anything else. (Though, is there an objective in Minecraft, I have seriously only ever seen it played the same way as Legos - build cool stuff.) I love cooperative games. Third Age, which takes place in the world of Lord of the Rings is one of my favorites. Gladius (which was panned, and not converted to newer systems, so you have to have an old one to play it) was also a favorite. We played WoW for years as a couple, with friends, and with Pop Tart.

What I am saying is, there are absolutely ways to make your gaming experience family friendly and something the kids enjoy. BUT, the adult really does have to be willing to spend the time to find those games, and then be patient teaching the kids to play the games, and understand that the kids may not want to play it in quite the same way you do.

And I don't ever want to seem like I am minimizing that amount of money or time that can be spent on this hobby - especially if that money isn't in the budget (because it is most definitely a want not a need) or if the time impinges on needed family/couple time. We all need hobbies as adults that sometimes take us away from kids or partners - self-care is important, but it always has to be moderated against family needs.

I do wonder, in a couple cases here, if spouses are falling into the trap of believing that what "you" don't like about their hobby is that it is GAMING (you look down on it, think it's less valuable than other hobbies, etc.). When someone is passionate about something, it can be really demoralizing to feel like your partner dismisses it completely. And so, it may make sense to remind them (because I have no doubt it has been said before), that the problem isn't GAMING. The problem is that there is a hobby that is taking away from family time, or making meeting financial goals difficult, etc.

The problem isn't so much gaming, as it is the obsession. Just as with any hobby.

But, it's still really nice to talk about gaming (whether as a love or as a problem) with other people who speak the same language.

[cktc]

Feb 7, 2019 13:17:56 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

azucena - So I try to compare the gaming spending more to what I spend on my hair. I go to a professional stylist every 6-8 weeks. My hair is colored and needs to have the roots touched up, even if I'm not making a complete change. So I spend roughly $75-100/month on my hair, and my hair is not a need, it's a definite want. So, gaming can spend that much, too (IN MY FAMILY - because we have the money for it.)

And again, it really is possible to be moderate. I own very few of my own gaming books. My brother had them, my friends, boyfriends, husband have them, so I have rarely wanted my own copy. (There are some exceptions - the Star Trek RPG books are MINE. The Werewolf Middle Ages book was MINE.) So it really is possible to do this in moderation. Especially now. Most of the RPG books are available as downloadable PDFs for a lot less money than the physical book, they don't take up shelf space, and they're super easy to search. But, I also know people who have rules against having computers at the gaming table, so you need at least one or two copies of the physical books for that.

There are also board games that you can buy as apps, that are so much better as apps than as board games. And you just pass around the tablet for each person's turn. Ticket to Ride - a little better with the App, Puerto Rico - about even board game v App, Small World - I will never play the board version again, only the App version. Splendor - the App lets me play when no one else wants to play with me.

Now, we currently benefit from the fact that we have multiple people's board game collections, and are the shipping address for another friend's kickstarter purchases. So we have some amazing games that we didn't pay a penny for. (But that also take up a lot of space, and we may never play. So it's a trade off.)

There is definitely a balance to be reached.
If your kids like board games at all, there are some great games that are fun for adults and kids. Machi Koro, Tsuro, Timeline are all games that can be played by young players (Tsuro can probably go down to as young as 4, with minor assistance from a parent) and adults. They have enough luck involved that the adults won't always win, but they aren't pure luck, so everyone does have to think at least a little bit.
But, and here's the hard part, as a parent, you sometimes have to let the kid be interested in NOT board games, and do things your kid is interested in. Though, for the record, we had a dog show card game and a horse show card game that Pop Tart loved, so you can often find games that really do cross over the interests.

As video games, I know a ton of parents who play the Lego games with their kids. Minecraft is as much about building a world as it is anything else. (Though, is there an objective in Minecraft, I have seriously only ever seen it played the same way as Legos - build cool stuff.) I love cooperative games. Third Age, which takes place in the world of Lord of the Rings is one of my favorites. Gladius (which was panned, and not converted to newer systems, so you have to have an old one to play it) was also a favorite. We played WoW for years as a couple, with friends, and with Pop Tart.

What I am saying is, there are absolutely ways to make your gaming experience family friendly and something the kids enjoy. BUT, the adult really does have to be willing to spend the time to find those games, and then be patient teaching the kids to play the games, and understand that the kids may not want to play it in quite the same way you do.

And I don't ever want to seem like I am minimizing that amount of money or time that can be spent on this hobby - especially if that money isn't in the budget (because it is most definitely a want not a need) or if the time impinges on needed family/couple time. We all need hobbies as adults that sometimes take us away from kids or partners - self-care is important, but it always has to be moderated against family needs.

I do wonder, in a couple cases here, if spouses are falling into the trap of believing that what "you" don't like about their hobby is that it is GAMING (you look down on it, think it's less valuable than other hobbies, etc.). When someone is passionate about something, it can be really demoralizing to feel like your partner dismisses it completely. And so, it may make sense to remind them (because I have no doubt it has been said before), that the problem isn't GAMING. The problem is that there is a hobby that is taking away from family time, or making meeting financial goals difficult, etc.

The problem isn't so much gaming, as it is the obsession. Just as with any hobby.

But, it's still really nice to talk about gaming (whether as a love or as a problem) with other people who speak the same language.

DH is chomping at the bit to get almost 3yo DS to play games with him. Maybe I can pick up some toddler friendly games for his birthday.

I actually started this thread for some light, fun, venting. Think whining about man flu. I do try to be supportive, but maybe too much to the point I'm growing a bit resentful and we need to have a more serious talk about balance before I end up passive aggressive and cause bigger issues. I have a hard time telling other adults they can't do something, even if it puts more burden on me. I'm a work from home mom of two under 3 and he is in the Guard in addition to working full-time so I've grown used to doing a  lot on my own and just saying I can make it work. I can. He needs a break too.  It's just exhausting, and lonely. Expecting him to recognize that on his own is probably not going to happen. Well, he knows I'm tired and lonely, but I don't think he connects that his activities contribute to that. His solution is to get me out more, which just exacerbates things

We are having our first date in over a year on Valentine's, and that is his usual game night. We also have or first family trip planned since we had DS, so that's something. Maybe I should try to meet him on his level a bit more and see about a family game night. The tablet games are a good idea. 

[MJ2.0]

Feb 7, 2019 12:11:52 GMT -5 azucena said:

I would be totally okay if DH worked a 3d printer and supplies into his gaming money.  I think they've really come down in price so would only take a couple of months, but he's not willing to stop spending that money on other things.

MJ - it's not so much the gaming hobby as it is the quantity of time and the money "needed" to buy ALL.THE.THINGS.  And the obsessive nature.

DH plays on Sundays from 5 pm until 2 am so 9 hours.  I know he easily spends 5 to 6 hours researching/preparing/etc.  So call it 15 hours per week.

DH has a walk-in closet that is quickly filling with board games.  I'm sure there are 100 that cost at least $20/each (probably more like $30 to $50) which my math says is $2000, and that's a really conservative estimate.  And the games keep coming with no end in sight.  Our new house isn't going to force him to limit due to lack of space.  He likes to compare this to what little shopping I do for work clothes which is lame because those are truly a need and I'm a bargain hunter.  He has no idea what a typical professional woman might spend annually on work clothes.  His work provides the polos that he needs and he wears gym pants/shorts so there is no comparison there either.

When we go on spring break, he'll want to pack 8-10 games like he did last year when we only played one card game one night.  And then gripe about how many sand toys I'm packing for the kids.

Shane and MJ - I appreciate your comments in the thread because it does help me understand the other side.

I totally get that, and in that case he ISN'T handling his personal/familial business. That's probably why most hard core gamers are single and childless. My larger point is that there are countless hobbies that can become just as expensive and time-consuming as gaming but gaming seems to get a worse rap - because "video games".

My mom bought DS and I a PS4 for Christmas and I only just hooked it up a few weeks ago. We also got some GCs for the PlayStation Store and Game Stop. It took me about 1-2 hours to pick out games that would stretch that PS Store GC. It was only $25 and I was able to get 4-5 games, most of them were in the LEGO series because DS loves them. Most of the games for the PS4 are family friendly so that DS and I can play. I did splurge on Sims 4 for myself (which I should not have done because the Sims is an enormous time suck my JAM!) but it was on sale for $20. I steer clear of the games requiring insane peripherals like Disney Infinity because you can rack up the spending extremely fast that way. I also held onto my PS3 and bought used games (easy now since they aren't making any more PS3 games). Basically, I like video games but not more than I like going places with DS or friends and going out to eat, so I try to balance everything out.

[MJ2.0]

Feb 7, 2019 14:05:46 GMT -5 cktc said:

Feb 7, 2019 13:17:56 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

azucena - So I try to compare the gaming spending more to what I spend on my hair. I go to a professional stylist every 6-8 weeks. My hair is colored and needs to have the roots touched up, even if I'm not making a complete change. So I spend roughly $75-100/month on my hair, and my hair is not a need, it's a definite want. So, gaming can spend that much, too (IN MY FAMILY - because we have the money for it.)

And again, it really is possible to be moderate. I own very few of my own gaming books. My brother had them, my friends, boyfriends, husband have them, so I have rarely wanted my own copy. (There are some exceptions - the Star Trek RPG books are MINE. The Werewolf Middle Ages book was MINE.) So it really is possible to do this in moderation. Especially now. Most of the RPG books are available as downloadable PDFs for a lot less money than the physical book, they don't take up shelf space, and they're super easy to search. But, I also know people who have rules against having computers at the gaming table, so you need at least one or two copies of the physical books for that.

There are also board games that you can buy as apps, that are so much better as apps than as board games. And you just pass around the tablet for each person's turn. Ticket to Ride - a little better with the App, Puerto Rico - about even board game v App, Small World - I will never play the board version again, only the App version. Splendor - the App lets me play when no one else wants to play with me.

Now, we currently benefit from the fact that we have multiple people's board game collections, and are the shipping address for another friend's kickstarter purchases. So we have some amazing games that we didn't pay a penny for. (But that also take up a lot of space, and we may never play. So it's a trade off.)

There is definitely a balance to be reached.
If your kids like board games at all, there are some great games that are fun for adults and kids. Machi Koro, Tsuro, Timeline are all games that can be played by young players (Tsuro can probably go down to as young as 4, with minor assistance from a parent) and adults. They have enough luck involved that the adults won't always win, but they aren't pure luck, so everyone does have to think at least a little bit.
But, and here's the hard part, as a parent, you sometimes have to let the kid be interested in NOT board games, and do things your kid is interested in. Though, for the record, we had a dog show card game and a horse show card game that Pop Tart loved, so you can often find games that really do cross over the interests.

As video games, I know a ton of parents who play the Lego games with their kids. Minecraft is as much about building a world as it is anything else. (Though, is there an objective in Minecraft, I have seriously only ever seen it played the same way as Legos - build cool stuff.) I love cooperative games. Third Age, which takes place in the world of Lord of the Rings is one of my favorites. Gladius (which was panned, and not converted to newer systems, so you have to have an old one to play it) was also a favorite. We played WoW for years as a couple, with friends, and with Pop Tart.

What I am saying is, there are absolutely ways to make your gaming experience family friendly and something the kids enjoy. BUT, the adult really does have to be willing to spend the time to find those games, and then be patient teaching the kids to play the games, and understand that the kids may not want to play it in quite the same way you do.

And I don't ever want to seem like I am minimizing that amount of money or time that can be spent on this hobby - especially if that money isn't in the budget (because it is most definitely a want not a need) or if the time impinges on needed family/couple time. We all need hobbies as adults that sometimes take us away from kids or partners - self-care is important, but it always has to be moderated against family needs.

I do wonder, in a couple cases here, if spouses are falling into the trap of believing that what "you" don't like about their hobby is that it is GAMING (you look down on it, think it's less valuable than other hobbies, etc.). When someone is passionate about something, it can be really demoralizing to feel like your partner dismisses it completely. And so, it may make sense to remind them (because I have no doubt it has been said before), that the problem isn't GAMING. The problem is that there is a hobby that is taking away from family time, or making meeting financial goals difficult, etc.

The problem isn't so much gaming, as it is the obsession. Just as with any hobby.

But, it's still really nice to talk about gaming (whether as a love or as a problem) with other people who speak the same language.

DH is chomping at the bit to get almost 3yo DS to play games with him. Maybe I can pick up some toddler friendly games for his birthday.

I actually started this thread for some light, fun, venting. Think whining about man flu. I do try to be supportive, but maybe too much to the point I'm growing a bit resentful and we need to have a more serious talk about balance before I end up passive aggressive and cause bigger issues. I have a hard time telling other adults they can't do something, even if it puts more burden on me. I'm a work from home mom of two under 3 and he is in the Guard in addition to working full-time so I've grown used to doing a  lot on my own and just saying I can make it work. I can. He needs a break too.  It's just exhausting, and lonely. Expecting him to recognize that on his own is probably not going to happen. Well, he knows I'm tired and lonely, but I don't think he connects that his activities contribute to that. His solution is to get me out more, which just exacerbates things

We are having our first date in over a year on Valentine's, and that is his usual game night. We also have or first family trip planned since we had DS, so that's something. Maybe I should try to meet him on his level a bit more and see about a family game night. The tablet games are a good idea. 

traditional family games would be awesome. Like Guess Who, Life, or Monopoly. Or UNO, that gets the blood going! But your kids are a bit too young still.

[MJ2.0]

FWIW my son is REALLY into Minecraft. And I'm totally okay with it because he's building these cool structures and traps... and you can see the gears working in his little head.

[shanendoah]

cktc - I have a friend who works in sales for games, and has specialized in family/kid games. Let me see if there are any toddler friendly games she recommends that might scratch the itch for your DH better than say Connect 4, Hungry Hungry Hippos, or Candy Land.

[azucena]

Our daughters started playing sequence for kids and memory around age 3. I know DD2 was playing uno at 4, cardholders make that possible. Busy town is a collaborative seek and find game that would def work at 4. I'll have to look at what else is on our shelf. Kids who play games regularly seem to get ahead of recommended ages.

We love to play a card game called junk when we have to wait at restaurants.

Dh actually makes card games for his preschool class and he keeps getting better and better. The kids love it. He has them professionally printed and I bet he'd send you a couple. I'll have to ask.

[geenamercile]

Gaming 100 percent comes out of our fun money.  DH has some time sink games, like Monster Hunter World, that he plays online with friends.  However, that time comes out of his personal time, not our family time.  Normally when I complain about DH not doing family stuff or other stuff he is laying in the room doing nothing.  I want to established a family game night too.  And from an educational standpoint, games that are not only random based have a fair amount of educational value with critical thinking skills, and executive function planning skills.  I used Yugio when I taught 3rd grade remediation for math skills.  The students didn't get a calculator they had to turn in their work sheet after the game.  We also played that what the card said, is what it did.  Helped with reading comprehension as a side skill.    

[shanendoah]

cktc - from my friend who does kids games "HABA makes an entire line called My Very First Games, many are cooperative. Faves at our house were First Orchard and Animal Upon Animal.
Peaceable Kingdoms makes a line of cooperative games that are good too.
Monster Chase has been published so many companies I can’t remember who has the license now, but it’s great."

geenamercile - Timeline is a history game, in that you are trying to put events in the correct order by year. I have a degree in history, but I suck at dates, so I don't really have a major advantage, especially when you get a whole bunch of events that happen within 10 years of each other (or one year), and trying to remember which one happened first.

[cktc]

Thanks shanendoah! I was looking at Animal Upon Animal and a Peaceable Kingdom game about Chickens. Definitely helps narrow things down!

[sheilaincali]

To second what Shane said- the HABA games are amazing. We get them for our great nieces (age 2 and 4).

Animal Upon Animal is the best!  Sure we bought a copy for the girls but we have a copy too. It's an amazingly fun drinking game. We keep it in the car and will take it in with us when my mom gang goes out drinking. We like the Wine Café because we can takeover the back area, play games while drinking and listen to the live music they have in the front.

The Hubs is gainfully employed and financially able to afford his hobby. It does get annoying sometimes because he'll get in the zone and ignore everything else. But that's more because of his addictive personality.  Mostly my problem is that he goes in moods. We are decluttering games now. He'll think he absolutely has to have a game and then 2 years later we'll sell it for a fraction of what it cost still in the cellophane. Although he's getting pretty good about watching trends. He's got one for sale on eBay now that's out of print and currently going for over $150 more than what he paid for it. Board Gamers can spend a LOT of money on their games.

Of our regular gaming group of friends- There's a neurosurgeon (my bestie), a couple of college professors, a high school principal, business owners, a pediatric NP, a few computer engineering types, etc. Sure the store gets a few "live in my grandma's basement type" but those guys play Magic mostly .  jk. 

[Deleted]

Feb 7, 2019 14:39:33 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Feb 7, 2019 12:11:52 GMT -5 azucena said:

I would be totally okay if DH worked a 3d printer and supplies into his gaming money.  I think they've really come down in price so would only take a couple of months, but he's not willing to stop spending that money on other things.

MJ - it's not so much the gaming hobby as it is the quantity of time and the money "needed" to buy ALL.THE.THINGS.  And the obsessive nature.

DH plays on Sundays from 5 pm until 2 am so 9 hours.  I know he easily spends 5 to 6 hours researching/preparing/etc.  So call it 15 hours per week.

DH has a walk-in closet that is quickly filling with board games.  I'm sure there are 100 that cost at least $20/each (probably more like $30 to $50) which my math says is $2000, and that's a really conservative estimate.  And the games keep coming with no end in sight.  Our new house isn't going to force him to limit due to lack of space.  He likes to compare this to what little shopping I do for work clothes which is lame because those are truly a need and I'm a bargain hunter.  He has no idea what a typical professional woman might spend annually on work clothes.  His work provides the polos that he needs and he wears gym pants/shorts so there is no comparison there either.

When we go on spring break, he'll want to pack 8-10 games like he did last year when we only played one card game one night.  And then gripe about how many sand toys I'm packing for the kids.

Shane and MJ - I appreciate your comments in the thread because it does help me understand the other side.

I totally get that, and in that case he ISN'T handling his personal/familial business. That's probably why most hard core gamers are single and childless. My larger point is that there are countless hobbies that can become just as expensive and time-consuming as gaming but gaming seems to get a worse rap - because "video games".

My mom bought DS and I a PS4 for Christmas and I only just hooked it up a few weeks ago. We also got some GCs for the PlayStation Store and Game Stop. It took me about 1-2 hours to pick out games that would stretch that PS Store GC. It was only $25 and I was able to get 4-5 games, most of them were in the LEGO series because DS loves them. Most of the games for the PS4 are family friendly so that DS and I can play. I did splurge on Sims 4 for myself (which I should not have done because the Sims is an enormous time suck my JAM!) but it was on sale for $20. I steer clear of the games requiring insane peripherals like Disney Infinity because you can rack up the spending extremely fast that way. I also held onto my PS3 and bought used games (easy now since they aren't making any more PS3 games). Basically, I like video games but not more than I like going places with DS or friends and going out to eat, so I try to balance everything out.

I'm one that doesn't have a very positive view of gaming.  I know there are "responsible" gamers just like there are responsible pot smokers.  I've just had way too much experience with people that fall into the other category!  It has nothing to do with the time spent, or the money.  I just worry about my kids.  I want them to be physically and mentally healthy and so many gamers are NOT.   I have two nephews that are 33 and 29.  Since my older son was little he was compared to the older nephew.  They are so much alike.  Smart as all get out...same sense of humor...and obsessed with video games.  Nephew is still living at home and hasn't done a thing with all those smarts.   I try to counteract as much as I can by keeping him involved in other activities, but I have a feeling that the minute the pressure is off from me he's going to play day and night and that makes me sad.   But yeah, if his obsession was something like sailing or mountain biking, I'd spend thousands on equipment for him and be all happy. 

[geenamercile]

Thinking about it I am not sure our screen time is much more then a non-gaming family.  We tend not to watch much T.V or movies.  I do get worried about the free world online gaming communities.  MLP I think your son will be fine, you have taught him to have a good balance, I don't think that is going to go away.  

[resolution]

Feb 8, 2019 21:46:07 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I'm one that doesn't have a very positive view of gaming.  I know there are "responsible" gamers just like there are responsible pot smokers.  I've just had way too much experience with people that fall into the other category!  It has nothing to do with the time spent, or the money.  I just worry about my kids.  I want them to be physically and mentally healthy and so many gamers are NOT.   I have two nephews that are 33 and 29.  Since my older son was little he was compared to the older nephew.  They are so much alike.  Smart as all get out...same sense of humor...and obsessed with video games.  Nephew is still living at home and hasn't done a thing with all those smarts.   I try to counteract as much as I can by keeping him involved in other activities, but I have a feeling that the minute the pressure is off from me he's going to play day and night and that makes me sad.   But yeah, if his obsession was something like sailing or mountain biking, I'd spend thousands on equipment for him and be all happy. 

As a gamer, I find it insulting to be compared to a pot smoker, which is illegal in most states.  It is a lot more commensurate with other sedentary activities, like TV watching or knitting, rather than illegal activity.  Over 20 years of gaming, I have met dozens of gamers that don't work and live at home, and they tend to fall into two categories: disabled, or someone in their family is supporting/enabling them. I don't think you have anything to worry about since you are motivated to make him independent.

A lot of the new games are based on a loot box/gambling type of system, in which case they can be fairly compared to gambling. Those are the ones I would really watch out for, if all the upgrades are based on random chance loot boxes that you can also buy for real money. Some of them even spin like a slot machine when you open them. But a lot of the more popular games like Fortnite don't have any gambling component and can be very social playing with friends.