Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Nov 15, 2018 15:30:13 GMT -5
Someone asked me what my ideal date would be like. I honestly have no idea. And its REALLY bothering me. Its been so long since I got to have a choice about anything that I can't even remember what it is I like to do. |
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sbcalimom
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Post by sbcalimom on Nov 15, 2018 15:37:15 GMT -5
Someone asked me what my ideal date would be like. I honestly have no idea. And its REALLY bothering me. Its been so long since I got to have a choice about anything that I can't even remember what it is I like to do. I want to give you the biggest hug right now. I so, so relate to this! I've been working hard to try and figure it out myself and while I'm not there yet, I see glimmers of it from time to time. Taking the first steps are the hardest but you'll figure it all out in your own time as this unfolds. Wishing you and the kids the very, very best. |
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Nov 15, 2018 16:53:48 GMT -5
Someone asked me what my ideal date would be like. I honestly have no idea. And its REALLY bothering me. Its been so long since I got to have a choice about anything that I can't even remember what it is I like to do. I'm a big fat hypocrite because I didn't follow this advice myself, but I still think there is wisdom in it, try to wait at least a year to date. It will help with co-parenting and you will be in a better frame of mind when you are ready to date. You need to find someone who is good for you and whatever direction you decide you want your life to take, not just someone who is better than your ex. Men are like sharks smelling blood in the water with divorce. The jerks will think you are easy prey and be out in droves. |
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Nov 15, 2018 17:05:21 GMT -5
Oh, I wasn't looking to go out, I was just talking with a friend at work about stuff and they asked that question, and I was surprised at how much it bothered me. Because that should be an easy question to answer, right? And I had.....nothing.
I'm not really thinking about dating yet. That's too much for my brain to handle. Maybe I can just find a good friend to hang out with for a minute whenever I want to  |
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Nov 15, 2018 17:10:18 GMT -5
Someone asked me what my ideal date would be like. I honestly have no idea. And its REALLY bothering me. Its been so long since I got to have a choice about anything that I can't even remember what it is I like to do. Hanging out with andi for the evening. What? You didn't say it had to be a romantic date. |
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Nov 15, 2018 17:10:48 GMT -5
Oh, I wasn't looking to go out, I was just talking with a friend at work about stuff and they asked that question, and I was surprised at how much it bothered me. Because that should be an easy question to answer, right? And I had.....nothing.
I'm not really thinking about dating yet. That's too much for my brain to handle. Maybe I can just find a good friend to hang out with for a minute whenever I want to I wouldn't think it's an easy question to answer. You've been putting up with someone else's stuff for so long you haven't had a chance to focus on you and what you want. |
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Nov 15, 2018 17:23:51 GMT -5
I just applied for a new job, too. Cant hurt to try.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 15, 2018 17:33:24 GMT -5
Oh, I wasn't looking to go out, I was just talking with a friend at work about stuff and they asked that question, and I was surprised at how much it bothered me. Because that should be an easy question to answer, right? And I had.....nothing.
I'm not really thinking about dating yet. That's too much for my brain to handle. Maybe I can just find a good friend to hang out with for a minute whenever I want to I think as a mom of young kids that isn't an easy question to answer. I know in my 20s my date ideas felt like they had to fit a certain category, but as I've moved past the baby phase with my kids and gotten more comfortable with myself as a woman, mom, wife, and engineer, I've learned what I really enjoy doing and I'm not afraid to say this is me and this is what I like to do and want to do. |
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Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 15, 2018 17:39:05 GMT -5
Yeah, being comfortable and able to express my needs, wants and desires is a work in progress. Some days are better/easier than others.
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Nov 15, 2018 17:50:49 GMT -5
Someone asked me what my ideal date would be like. I honestly have no idea. And its REALLY bothering me. Its been so long since I got to have a choice about anything that I can't even remember what it is I like to do. Hanging out with andi for the evening. What? You didn't say it had to be a romantic date. She can be your wingman and show you what NOT to do on a date or to meet guys. |
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Nov 15, 2018 17:52:49 GMT -5
Hanging out with andi for the evening. What? You didn't say it had to be a romantic date. She can be your wingman and show you what NOT to do on a date or to meet guys. I am pretty good at pulling some honies. |
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Nov 15, 2018 22:11:10 GMT -5
Oh, I wasn't looking to go out, I was just talking with a friend at work about stuff and they asked that question, and I was surprised at how much it bothered me. Because that should be an easy question to answer, right? And I had.....nothing.
I'm not really thinking about dating yet. That's too much for my brain to handle. Maybe I can just find a good friend to hang out with for a minute whenever I want to Sam, fwiw, I couldn't answer that question either. I don't want to go on dates. I just want time and spac to be myself. |
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Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 15, 2018 22:29:30 GMT -5
Oh, I wasn't looking to go out, I was just talking with a friend at work about stuff and they asked that question, and I was surprised at how much it bothered me. Because that should be an easy question to answer, right? And I had.....nothing.
I'm not really thinking about dating yet. That's too much for my brain to handle. Maybe I can just find a good friend to hang out with for a minute whenever I want to Sam, fwiw, I couldn't answer that question either. I don't want to go on dates. I just want time and spac to be myself. yep. I love my kids and family but damn, I don't want to be an adult right now. |
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Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
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Post by Lizard Queen on Nov 15, 2018 22:38:56 GMT -5
I don't even know either. Too many years of pushing my own needs/wants aside, I've forgotten myself.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 15, 2018 22:43:10 GMT -5
I haven't been on a date for so long I have no idea either.
I got all giddy the other night because the kids left me alone long enough to finish my embroidery.
Cause that's super sexy.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Nov 15, 2018 22:46:01 GMT -5
I haven't been on a date for so long I have no idea either. I got all giddy the other night because the kids left me alone long enough to finish my embroidery. Cause that's super sexy. Oh yeah, baby, cross-stitch me. |
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Nov 16, 2018 9:13:29 GMT -5
OK, I went to the quilter's guild last night to do a presentation on the mats I am making. OMG. It was SO MUCH FUN!!! lol! I have officially reached that point in my life.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Nov 16, 2018 9:50:00 GMT -5
OK, I went to the quilter's guild last night to do a presentation on the mats I am making. OMG. It was SO MUCH FUN!!! lol! I have officially reached that point in my life. You need to get out more. |
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 16, 2018 12:08:27 GMT -5
Everything is a new beginning
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Nov 16, 2018 12:32:52 GMT -5
I know what I'd want on a date:
Feed me some good food. Make me laugh. Don't be a douche. Then go away.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Nov 16, 2018 14:10:51 GMT -5
Unfortunately, no. That thing was a money pit from the beginning and the area has gone way down recently in terms of property values. If I could break even I would unload it in a heartbeat. Is KS a recourse state? If not, I'd let it go into foreclosure. If yes, I might do it anyway and declare bankruptcy. Get the new to you car. Get copies of everything, all asset and all debt statements. Get the divorce, declare bankruptcy, and then go on with your life. I disagree on getting a "ball buster." I find them to be a waste of money. Just get someone competent. This is the disssolution of a standard middle class marriage, not someone with tons of money. They don't have the money to fight this to the end of time. Tell him, we can do this the easy way, agree, and still coparent effectivly, or end up hating each other, spending all our money, and destroying the kids. I think mediation is great if the parties agree that the divorce is the way to go.
It's 50/50 and the courts don't care who did what. you're better off coming up with your own division than having the courts do it for you. I cannot agree more with the bolded. It's what X and I did and it likely saved us tens of thousands in fees. But our relationship was and is a lot less contentious than you and your H's.
Sam, I haven't been to this side of the boards for a while and I am deeply sorry for everything that's happened/is happening to you. You and the kids deserve the world. Things will suck a bit before they get better, but they will get better. Hang in there. We all love you.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Nov 16, 2018 14:13:39 GMT -5
oh, we've moved on to dating. I was kind of a ho in my dating during the separation, so you probably shouldn't do what I did. Or maybe you should if you want to. I know I learned a lot about myself and what I like, lol!
Now if I could only get that now...  |
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Nov 16, 2018 14:20:49 GMT -5
oh, we've moved on to dating. I was kind of a ho in my dating during the separation, so you probably shouldn't do what I did. Or maybe you should if you want to. I know I learned a lot about myself and what I like, lol!
Now if I could only get that now... I decided that I'm going through a ho phase again too. Now that the girls are grown and gone, why not? Hence me telling my friends that we have to start going places where the boys are straight. |
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NoNamePerson
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Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Post by NoNamePerson on Nov 16, 2018 14:21:27 GMT -5
oh, we've moved on to dating. I was kind of a ho in my dating during the separation, so you probably shouldn't do what I did. Or maybe you should if you want to. I know I learned a lot about myself and what I like, lol!
Now if I could only get that now...  That's why I didn't get into the dating stuff. |
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Nov 16, 2018 14:27:20 GMT -5
but mama needs some lovin'! |
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NoNamePerson
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Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Post by NoNamePerson on Nov 16, 2018 15:03:26 GMT -5
but mama needs some lovin'! I meant that I wasn't one to be offering dating advice. I spent lots of time on bar stool and well, never mind.  Ah the days of my youth - and I loved every minute of it!! |
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Nov 16, 2018 15:18:55 GMT -5
OK, I went to the quilter's guild last night to do a presentation on the mats I am making. OMG. It was SO MUCH FUN!!! lol! I have officially reached that point in my life. combine that with this
"Feed me some good food. Make me laugh. Don't be a douche. Then go away."
and you just have described your perfect date: you need to be with someone who has similar interests, who is willing to actually listen to you, and is attentive kind to you. And DOESN'T start with all kind of demands on you.
No need to be sad → you know what you want and need. You just have a hard time putting it into words
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WholeLottaNothin
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Post by WholeLottaNothin on Nov 18, 2018 12:39:52 GMT -5
Sam, I saw your post on FB about the mats. 100 mats is amazing. You are amazing.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 18, 2018 13:49:56 GMT -5
Yes, Sam you are an amazing woman! 100 mats and you have taught others to make mats! You are a warm, caring person. Remember that!  |
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Nov 18, 2018 16:47:23 GMT -5
Yes, Sam you are an amazing woman! 100 mats and you have taught others to make mats! You are a warm, caring person. Remember that! Haha, cuz all DH ever tells me is that basically I'm a cold-hearted bitch. And I agree, I totally can be especially when it comes to him. Because I'm really over it |
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