Getting my stuff together

[Sam_2.0]

Nov 16, 2018 12:32:52 GMT -5 swamp said:

I know what I'd want on a date:

Feed me some good food.  Make me laugh.  Don't be a douche.  Then go away. 

Ideally there maybe one more step in there before go away :-)

[Deleted]

Nov 18, 2018 16:47:23 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 18, 2018 13:49:56 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Yes, Sam you are an amazing woman!  100 mats and you have taught others to make mats!  

You are a warm, caring person.  Remember that!  

Haha, cuz all DH ever tells me is that basically I'm a cold-hearted bitch. And I agree, I totally can be especially when it comes to him. Because I'm really over it

Sometimes people want to bitch about how we react to them and try to make it seem like we're awful people, conveniently forgetting the things they say and do that cause us to react and respond the way we do. They leave out the part about how THEY contributed to the current state of affairs.

[Wisconsin Beth]

"The problem isn't my actions. The problem is your reaction to them."

[WholeLottaNothin]

Nov 18, 2018 16:47:23 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 18, 2018 13:49:56 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Yes, Sam you are an amazing woman!  100 mats and you have taught others to make mats!  

You are a warm, caring person.  Remember that!  

Haha, cuz all DH ever tells me is that basically I'm a cold-hearted bitch. And I agree, I totally can be especially when it comes to him. Because I'm really over it

Paula Abdul's song came into my head when I read this, though it applies more to him.

[Sam_2.0]

I went back to that same park today. Despite Hs objections to watching his own children in the meantime.

It was awesome. People were fed, goods were shared. Love was shared. Meeting people where they were, and fulfilling needs as simplistic as a pair of gloves or a hat.

H was an asshole. But today was a good one that I will remember for a long time. I'm just sad hes not part of that happy memory.

[Wisconsin Beth]

That is his choice though. You can't make him change.

[andi9899]

Nov 18, 2018 23:27:12 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

I went back to that same park today. Despite Hs objections to watching his own children in the meantime.

It was awesome. People were fed, goods were shared. Love was shared. Meeting people where they were, and fulfilling needs as simplistic as a pair of gloves or a hat.

H was an asshole. But today was a good one that I will remember for a long time. I'm just sad hes not part of that happy memory.

Good for you. Glad you got out on your own for a bit. You need that.

I meant to ask you how his behavior was lately.

[Sam_2.0]

H was being nice, but as of yesterday hes back to being crabby. It's normal, we just ride the waves. Until we can get off this crazy ride.

[Sam_2.0]

Gah. DH seems to kind of be in a better spot the last two days. And he got a sitter and asked me to go out tonight. And I feel like shit for being so over it that I just dont care.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Nov 20, 2018 15:53:01 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Gah. DH seems to kind of be in a better spot the last two days. And he got a sitter and asked me to go out tonight. And I feel like shit for being so over it that I just dont care.

I'm sorry, I'm a cynic. He's being nice to get laid.

[Sam_2.0]

Nov 20, 2018 15:56:39 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Nov 20, 2018 15:53:01 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Gah. DH seems to kind of be in a better spot the last two days. And he got a sitter and asked me to go out tonight. And I feel like shit for being so over it that I just dont care.

I'm sorry, I'm a cynic. He's being nice to get laid.

Hahaha, probably. It's been awhile

[cktc]

Nov 20, 2018 15:53:01 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Gah. DH seems to kind of be in a better spot the last two days. And he got a sitter and asked me to go out tonight. And I feel like shit for being so over it that I just dont care.

You being so over it is probably why he is being so nice. You quit reacting. He's mistaking you not caring as you being a nice compliant wife. 

[justme]

Very few people would stay in shitty relationships as long as they do if there weren't some shiny moments in an otherwise shitstorm. They usually make it out of the storm once they realize it's very small moments and usually right after they were really shit on.


(Hell of a shit metaphor huh?)

[MJ2.0]

Nov 18, 2018 16:47:23 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 18, 2018 13:49:56 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Yes, Sam you are an amazing woman!  100 mats and you have taught others to make mats!  

You are a warm, caring person.  Remember that!  

Haha, cuz all DH ever tells me is that basically I'm a cold-hearted bitch. And I agree, I totally can be especially when it comes to him. Because I'm really over it

You are an amazing, caring, cold-hearted bitch! Make a patch for it and rock that shit!!!

[MJ2.0]

Nov 20, 2018 16:22:46 GMT -5 justme said:

Very few people would stay in shitty relationships as long as they do if there weren't some shiny moments in an otherwise shitstorm. They usually make it out of the storm once they realize it's very small moments and usually right after they were really shit on.


(Hell of a shit metaphor huh?)

it's scat-tacular.

[Chocolate Lover]

Nov 20, 2018 16:22:46 GMT -5 justme said:

Very few people would stay in shitty relationships as long as they do if there weren't some shiny moments in an otherwise shitstorm. They usually make it out of the storm once they realize it's very small moments and usually right after they were really shit on.


(Hell of a shit metaphor huh?)

I'm with the wants to get laid group. My ex would do nothing (no job, no housework, barely watched the 3 year old while I worked...blah blah) and then throw a tantrum when I'd reject him. Eventually he'd do dishes for 6 hours and think he deserved a cookie. He didn't get a cookie. 

[NoNamePerson]

Nov 20, 2018 15:53:01 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Gah. DH seems to kind of be in a better spot the last two days. And he got a sitter and asked me to go out tonight. And I feel like shit for being so over it that I just dont care.

I will say that I haven't followed this from day one but why does he need to get a sitter? Does he have other children? Dogs, cats?

H was being nice, but as of yesterday hes back to being crabby. It's normal, we just ride the waves. Until we can get off this crazy ride

I don't get the WE. I would think it should be I. You are in charge of you.

I'm not walking in your shoes so not judging just trying to understand. 

I've also wondered how many kiddos and their ages since I'm butting in here and babbling away.

[Sam_2.0]

I feel like at this point sex isn't even a connection. I just feel like it's some kind of expected currency, and I really hate it.

[MJ2.0]

sex is like pizza for men - as long as they're getting some, it's fine. I don't have time/patience for bad pizza or sex, or either with someone I don't like.

[zibazinski]

If you said yes, at least don’t go where there is alcohol

[Sam_2.0]

Nov 20, 2018 18:09:20 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

If you said yes, at least don’t go where there is alcohol

Lol, he wants to go to his favorite bar.

No name - we have 3 small children. Usually securing a sitter is my responsibility. He actually called someone this time. Granted, it was his mom, but still

[zibazinski]

Alcohol is not what he needs or you need to be subjected to when he drinks

[Sam_2.0]

Alcohol is what *I* need to cope with the night out. And yes, that's another topic of discussion with my counselor.

[NoNamePerson]

Nov 20, 2018 18:12:19 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 20, 2018 18:09:20 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

If you said yes, at least don’t go where there is alcohol

Lol, he wants to go to his favorite bar.

No name - we have 3 small children. Usually securing a sitter is my responsibility. He actually called someone this time. Granted, it was his mom, but still

Gotcha!! I was just confused on him needing a sitter.  

[Works4me]

1. In my experience, men usually call women a bitch when we are not putting up with their bullshit.

2. Do you need alcohol to go out at all or only to go out with him?

[Sam_2.0]

So I'm heading back home by myself. It was a pretty short evening out. I got there he had already found his spot at the bar. Not even a hug or a handshake or anything when I showed up. Just sitting there playing on his phone. We talked for a minute and then he saw a friend walk in and started talking to his friend instead, so I just totally checked out and played on my phone for a while. When his friend left, he told me that I should probably let go home to let his mom go. So I'm heading back home, while he stays there. Again not even so much as a hug or handshake to say goodbye. And I'm leaving here feeling like shit once again. Shouldn't your husband at least give you a hug after seeing you for the first time that day? Is that really unreasonable to expect or even want?

[oped]

I don't know. I'm not a hugger. I can say I don't think either of you is giving each other what the other wants and needs right now.  That is what is important. 

[Deleted]

Nov 20, 2018 20:34:19 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

So I'm heading back home by myself. It was a pretty short evening out. I got there he had already found his spot at the bar. Not even a hug or a handshake or anything when I showed up. Just sitting there playing on his phone. We talked for a minute and then he saw a friend walk in and started talking to his friend instead, so I just totally checked out and played on my phone for a while. When his friend left, he told me that I should probably let go home to let his mom go. So I'm heading back home, while he stays there. Again not even so much as a hug or handshake to say goodbye. And I'm leaving here feeling like shit once again. Shouldn't your husband at least give you a hug after seeing you for the first time that day? Is that really unreasonable to expect or even want?

No, that's not unreasonable in my opinion.

What was the point in even asking you out? It doesn't sound like the 2 of you were even engaged with each other, almost like 2 strangers that just happened to be sitting near each other. Was that his idea of fun with his wife?

[Deleted]

Nov 20, 2018 20:42:32 GMT -5 oped said:

I don't know. I'm not a hugger. I can say I don't think either of you is giving each other what the other wants and needs right now.  That is what is important. 

I didn't think about how everyone's not a hugger when I responded lol. I guess I was just thinking that if Sam wants a hug from her husband, she ought to be able to get one.

So Sam_2.0, would he have hugged you if you'd initiated it or asked for one?

[Pants]

Nov 20, 2018 20:34:19 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

So I'm heading back home by myself. It was a pretty short evening out. I got there he had already found his spot at the bar. Not even a hug or a handshake or anything when I showed up. Just sitting there playing on his phone. We talked for a minute and then he saw a friend walk in and started talking to his friend instead, so I just totally checked out and played on my phone for a while. When his friend left, he told me that I should probably let go home to let his mom go. So I'm heading back home, while he stays there. Again not even so much as a hug or handshake to say goodbye. And I'm leaving here feeling like shit once again. Shouldn't your husband at least give you a hug after seeing you for the first time that day? Is that really unreasonable to expect or even want?

I'm sorry, he invited you out, ignored you and then TOLD YOU TO GO HOME TO RELIEVE HIS MOM FROM KID DUTY?!?!?

The fire, it is shooting out my eyeballs aimed at KC right now.