Getting my stuff together

[Pants]

Apr 25, 2019 10:25:01 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Apr 25, 2019 9:57:16 GMT -5 justme said:

It sounds like the were - one took the Tues class and one took the Thurs class until her DH decided he wanted to take both Tues & Thurs leaving her with the kids 2 nights and no class to take. And now he wants to take a third class which would leave her with the kids 3 times a week.

I know I'm not married, but that's BS and Beth should tell him it goes back to what you originally agreed - he takes one class and she take the other. It sounds like she didn't really fight him on it - but he shouldn't have asked in the first place unless she were just not going to the classes at all. 

Mostly this. 

Last fall I did something to a tendon and it was painful to do the class, so part of this is I wasn't going because it hurt too much.  Now I'm trying to claw it back. 

It's interesting to go to classes with dh and both kids - he's completely focused on the exercises whereas a solid third of my attention is on the kids.  Even with his kindle, snack, etc. C doesn't want to be there during the adult classes.  Once in a while it's ok.  And if he can participate, it's sort of ok but he's not good at being aware of other people, their needs and their spaces.

Neither kid is ready to be home alone yet.  And neither of them are ready for K to be left in charge as she's the older. 

I am also getting a whiff here of "But it was my thing first. I did the legwork while he reaps the benefits. [Again.]" 

Which *feels* like it's a childish thought, but is actually a totally valid thing to feel. You found the thing, you researched the thing, you put the work in. And now he's taking it over after the hard part has been done. He's actually taking it over *more* and asking for *more* time and *more* work from you in the form of child-minding, while he has more free time to explore his passion for this thing you did and continue to do all the work for. 

[anciana]

Hope it's OK to butt in here to respond to Beth. A friend of mine had a situation like this with her husband, he wanted to do fun activities by himself during "her" time. She told him calm and coolheaded: Sure thing, as long as you figure out the childcare as I already have plans. Is that something you could say to your husband, Beth?

[raeoflyte]

Beth--did you get to class tonight?

[Wisconsin Beth]

I did get to class last night.  I'm a bit sore today. 

DH took C shopping for clothes for the wedding (DN#2 is getting married on Sat.) after the kid class was over.  He picked up a rotisserie chicken and reheated the quinoa chili so when K and I got home, dinner was ready.   He and K went over her spelling words while she ate so we even managed to get the kids in bed almost on time.  I then crashed on the couch with a heating pad and reruns of Great British Baking Show.

[Works4me]

Well, took Step 1 in straightening my relationship situation out. I told J that we have ended up in exactly the situation I did not want to be in: three unfinished homes and too much debt to pay off reasonably. Most of the debt is in his name and his doing. It's reached critical mass for him, meaning borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and not being able to pay more than the minimums dye, if that. I'm not bailing him out. I tried to warn him that this is where he was headed by not cash flowing things but he thought it would all just magically work out and that I was being "negative." He did recently turn down a vehicle in payment for a job because he realized there were related monthly costs. It is also good because he needs the cash. I explained the basics of the snowball method which he seemed to like but we shall see - the jury's still out.

Maybe I'm just selfish but I'm 57 years old and "retired" due to my health. I'm not willing to risk what financial security I have for a man. I'd rather be alone and not have the worries. It's not like I can go out and get a job.

Also, I met with a new doctor last week. It looks like by working with him, and some others, I may be able to put together a program that will result in my being healthy enough to do more than read and watch the ceiling fan in my bedroom. So I need to be selfish right now, in a good way. J totally supports this and I know we both want only the best for each other.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Good for you.  I hope the medical plan does great things for you. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Huh, Dh went to the doctor, who told him no ninja classes for an unknown period of time.  Looks like I get to go to ninja gym and he gets to go to soccer practice tonight!

[andi9899]

Hope he's ok. Yay for the gym!

[Deleted]

May 7, 2019 7:25:25 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Huh, Dh went to the doctor, who told him no ninja classes for an unknown period of time.  Looks like I get to go to ninja gym and he gets to go to soccer practice tonight!

What was the reason?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Lots of ongoing aches and pains, some muscular.  Stress and tension.  She ordered a couple of labs, so we're waiting on results.  She did a gout test because alcohol makes him feel worse.  He hasn't had a drink since around Christmas because of that.  He's actually thinking about seeing a talk therapist, which is kinda stunning because he was forced to see one as a kid (bullying) and didn't like it. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Lab results came back within normal ranges.  He thinks he wants to try acupuncture to see if that helps any. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

I did get to class.  And K wanted to stay for the mobility class that immediately followed it.  I told her 10 minutes but we ended up staying for the whole thing.  I participated in about 1/2 of it.  I didn't have a yoga mat because I wasn't going to do the whole thing so some of it was uncomfortable. 

But I liked the 2nd class.  If that's going to be a consistent offering, I think I'll try to take it.  I think it's better suited to my level of physical ability than the ninja classes, in all honesty. 

[chapeau]

May 8, 2019 7:58:33 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

I did get to class.  And K wanted to stay for the mobility class that immediately followed it.  I told her 10 minutes but we ended up staying for the whole thing.  I participated in about 1/2 of it.  I didn't have a yoga mat because I wasn't going to do the whole thing so some of it was uncomfortable. 

But I liked the 2nd class.  If that's going to be a consistent offering, I think I'll try to take it.  I think it's better suited to my level of physical ability than the ninja classes, in all honesty. 

The mobility class sounds interesting. So does the ninja class, but I’m pretty sure I’d end up in traction if I tried it.
Somewhere around here there is a pole dancing class I’d like to take. One of the firefighters DH knows takes it, but she won’t tell anyone where it is because she doesn’t want the jerks showing up to ogle. They make tons of remarks about it, from what I hear. DH says it really works, then tries to backtrack, which just makes me laugh. He claims he’d make it a priority that I was free to take it. Wonder why, when an hour to myself a week to iron is too much to ask?
😉

[Wisconsin Beth]

It's a sort of yoga/stretching class.  My shoulder is still out of sorts so a lot of the ninja stuff hurts - so much of it is upper body.  Plus I'm overweight so I've got way too much mass to move and hold with my arms.

[swamp]

There is a Zumboga class starting here soon.  It's a combo of Zumba and Yoga.    I want to try it just to see what one actually does in Zumboga. 

[andi9899]

May 8, 2019 8:58:04 GMT -5 swamp said:

There is a Zumboga class starting here soon.  It's a combo of Zumba and Yoga.    I want to try it just to see what one actually does in Zumboga. 

Please report back. I'd be interested to know as well.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I did get a chance to talk to the trainer and the gym owners last night about the class.  The trainer said she was impressed I was keeping up, more or less.  And they asked for input.  So I told them I'd like the class to be continued to be offered.  And that I've never done yoga so a lot of the terminology and poses are new to me.  And that I don't know how to breath properly.  They said as long as I keep on breathing, it's ok. 

I have coordination issues too, which the owners know, having had to teach me some of the basics like bear crawling and pancake crawls repeatedly. 

[Pants]

May 8, 2019 8:58:04 GMT -5 swamp said:

There is a Zumboga class starting here soon.  It's a combo of Zumba and Yoga.    I want to try it just to see what one actually does in Zumboga. 

Cha cha cha! Now reach for the sun and down into Warrior II. Cha cha cha!

[NastyWoman]

May 8, 2019 10:04:31 GMT -5 Pants said:

May 8, 2019 8:58:04 GMT -5 swamp said:

There is a Zumboga class starting here soon.  It's a combo of Zumba and Yoga.    I want to try it just to see what one actually does in Zumboga. 

Cha cha cha! Now reach for the sun and down into Warrior II. Cha cha cha!

No, no, no, that has to be incorrect. I was more imagining lying on a yoga mat zoning out (zen) while watching others doing Zumba - and falling asleep while doing that. I might even take this up as my "exercise" IF (and only IF) I am correct

[TheOtherMe]

Hard day with dad.  Hearing aids in the wrong ears which means he can't hear.  Filthy shirt.  He wasn't finished reading the paper.  He gets up at 4:30 AM, so what has he been doing since 4:30?  

Showed him photos of him and his siblings when they lived in Wyoming in 1934.  He used a magnifying glass to look at them.  

Came home and cried.  

[gs11rmb]

I'm sorry TheOtherMe.  Sounds like a very rough visit.

[raeoflyte]

I love it when dh freaks out about doing things that I always do.  Like having to get ready for work and be responsible for the kids at the same time.  I mean, really?  When I point it out he'll act like I misunderstood and of course everything's fine.  He just has to obsess over every last detail and how to do it, and how such and such will work.  But no big deal.  Meanwhile tomorrow I'll still be getting myself and the kids ready on my own and if I'm not pleasant about it I'm being bitchy.  

And he invited his parents and sister over for dinner Sunday night, for anyone who didn't want to cook.  Said all week that he'd clean the house for it.  But the house is a disaster which means cleaning is going to be solely up to me.  Not that his parents or sister will come, but we won't hear from them with a definite no until sometime mid day Sunday, so I have to plan as if they are coming or end up losing my mind Sunday afternoon on the off chance they say yes.  Obviously I could decide to not be home if that happens, but it honestly doesn't make any of it any easier for me.  

[gs11rmb]

May 9, 2019 16:53:06 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I love it when dh freaks out about doing things that I always do.  Like having to get ready for work and be responsible for the kids at the same time.  I mean, really?  When I point it out he'll act like I misunderstood and of course everything's fine.  He just has to obsess over every last detail and how to do it, and how such and such will work.  But no big deal.  Meanwhile tomorrow I'll still be getting myself and the kids ready on my own and if I'm not pleasant about it I'm being bitchy.  

And he invited his parents and sister over for dinner Sunday night, for anyone who didn't want to cook.  Said all week that he'd clean the house for it.  But the house is a disaster which means cleaning is going to be solely up to me.  Not that his parents or sister will come, but we won't hear from them with a definite no until sometime mid day Sunday, so I have to plan as if they are coming or end up losing my mind Sunday afternoon on the off chance they say yes.  Obviously I could decide to not be home if that happens, but it honestly doesn't make any of it any easier for me.  

What?  That's really strange.  Why would they not come or why would they not tell you they're not going to come?

[swamp]

May 9, 2019 16:53:06 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I love it when dh freaks out about doing things that I always do.  Like having to get ready for work and be responsible for the kids at the same time.  I mean, really?  When I point it out he'll act like I misunderstood and of course everything's fine.  He just has to obsess over every last detail and how to do it, and how such and such will work.  But no big deal.  Meanwhile tomorrow I'll still be getting myself and the kids ready on my own and if I'm not pleasant about it I'm being bitchy.  

And he invited his parents and sister over for dinner Sunday night, for anyone who didn't want to cook.  Said all week that he'd clean the house for it.  But the house is a disaster which means cleaning is going to be solely up to me.  Not that his parents or sister will come, but we won't hear from them with a definite no until sometime mid day Sunday, so I have to plan as if they are coming or end up losing my mind Sunday afternoon on the off chance they say yes.  Obviously I could decide to not be home if that happens, but it honestly doesn't make any of it any easier for me.  

You know, you don't have to clean.   He invited, he cleans.   

And then order pizza. 

[andi9899]

So his idea for Mother's day is to have you cook and clean?

[WholeLottaNothin]

Wow, I'm sorry Rae.

[bean29]

May 10, 2019 8:24:53 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 9, 2019 16:53:06 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I love it when dh freaks out about doing things that I always do.  Like having to get ready for work and be responsible for the kids at the same time.  I mean, really?  When I point it out he'll act like I misunderstood and of course everything's fine.  He just has to obsess over every last detail and how to do it, and how such and such will work.  But no big deal.  Meanwhile tomorrow I'll still be getting myself and the kids ready on my own and if I'm not pleasant about it I'm being bitchy.  

And he invited his parents and sister over for dinner Sunday night, for anyone who didn't want to cook.  Said all week that he'd clean the house for it.  But the house is a disaster which means cleaning is going to be solely up to me.  Not that his parents or sister will come, but we won't hear from them with a definite no until sometime mid day Sunday, so I have to plan as if they are coming or end up losing my mind Sunday afternoon on the off chance they say yes.  Obviously I could decide to not be home if that happens, but it honestly doesn't make any of it any easier for me.  

You know, you don't have to clean.   He invited, he cleans.   

And then order pizza. 

Pizza is good if you don't know for sure if they are coming or not, Mom ordered Chicken from the Deli at the grocery store.  I think she said we have 22 people coming.  She was going to order Pizza, but I suggested Chicken, and she decided that was a better option.  I am going to her house this afternoon to help her clean.  I have another event tomorrow, and she is going to DS's for my niece's b-day.

Mom prefers to get together at home, she says it allows you to spend more time talking to the family, and I do think she is right.  I still need to clean my house though, and I am not going to be home very much this weekend. 

[raeoflyte]

May 10, 2019 7:39:44 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

May 9, 2019 16:53:06 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I love it when dh freaks out about doing things that I always do.  Like having to get ready for work and be responsible for the kids at the same time.  I mean, really?  When I point it out he'll act like I misunderstood and of course everything's fine.  He just has to obsess over every last detail and how to do it, and how such and such will work.  But no big deal.  Meanwhile tomorrow I'll still be getting myself and the kids ready on my own and if I'm not pleasant about it I'm being bitchy.  

And he invited his parents and sister over for dinner Sunday night, for anyone who didn't want to cook.  Said all week that he'd clean the house for it.  But the house is a disaster which means cleaning is going to be solely up to me.  Not that his parents or sister will come, but we won't hear from them with a definite no until sometime mid day Sunday, so I have to plan as if they are coming or end up losing my mind Sunday afternoon on the off chance they say yes.  Obviously I could decide to not be home if that happens, but it honestly doesn't make any of it any easier for me.  

What?  That's really strange.  Why would they not come or why would they not tell you they're not going to come?

They both prefer get together's at their own homes, and all of them tend to make a plan of how its going to be and then won't commit to something that isn't their plan so there's a lot of limbo.  No one means anything bad by it, but communication is difficult.  

[Chocolate Lover]

May 10, 2019 8:24:53 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 9, 2019 16:53:06 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I love it when dh freaks out about doing things that I always do.  Like having to get ready for work and be responsible for the kids at the same time.  I mean, really?  When I point it out he'll act like I misunderstood and of course everything's fine.  He just has to obsess over every last detail and how to do it, and how such and such will work.  But no big deal.  Meanwhile tomorrow I'll still be getting myself and the kids ready on my own and if I'm not pleasant about it I'm being bitchy.  

And he invited his parents and sister over for dinner Sunday night, for anyone who didn't want to cook.  Said all week that he'd clean the house for it.  But the house is a disaster which means cleaning is going to be solely up to me.  Not that his parents or sister will come, but we won't hear from them with a definite no until sometime mid day Sunday, so I have to plan as if they are coming or end up losing my mind Sunday afternoon on the off chance they say yes.  Obviously I could decide to not be home if that happens, but it honestly doesn't make any of it any easier for me.  

You know, you don't have to clean.   He invited, he cleans.   

And then order pizza. 

Yep. I generally throw whatever's sitting on my dining table into a shoe box and take it to my room, move things small children shouldn't have and if that isn't good enough they can find somewhere else to be.  

I used to tell my great aunt when she was worrying about her floors or whatever else wasn't up to her standard, that people were coming to see her, not check her housekeeping skills and they could go home if they didn't like it. I decided to listen to myself, even though I'm not in my 80s

[raeoflyte]

May 10, 2019 8:27:01 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

So his idea for Mother's day is to have you cook and clean?

That's not how he intended it, but he's bad at time management.  Anything he needed done by Sunday, needed to be done yesterday.  But yesterday morning Sunday still felt so far away and sometime tonight or tomorrow morning will come the realization that there aren't enough hours to work, sleep, and get everything on that to do list done.  He's great in a crisis.  Mundane though is his achilles heel.  

I know I don't have to do anything.  I could leave everything as-is, and if the place is a wreck and his family decides they are coming, I could go to the movies and let him deal with it.  I'm not likely to do that, largely for my own ego.  But also because I need the house cleaned by Sunday just so next week doesn't suck so hard.