Getting my stuff together

[imawino]

Apr 23, 2019 14:47:42 GMT -5 swamp said:

Apr 23, 2019 14:42:40 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Shitty = fat, unattractive and left wondering was he thinking of other women when having sex with me?  And do I really want to know if he was? 

No, you don't want to know.     He doesnt' want to know what goes through your mind during sex either.

My mind often is like this:   Shit, did I turn the over off? Are there still clothes in teh dryer?  Oh, that's nice.  I need to up my game, I'm gonna do "x" to him.  Why is the dog pacing?   What should I have for dinner tomorrow night?   Did I do "y" at work?  shit, I dont' think i did.  Mental note to do that tomorrow first thing.    Yup, that feels good.  Mmmmmmm.    Crap, DD's band concert is tomorrow, does she have a dress?  Do I need to go to the store?  what store?  Dammit, why can't she wear normal sizes?   We're almost out of dog food and toilet paper, I need to go to walmart tomorrow.   Do we need milk too?    Mmmmm, remember x from HS, damn he was hot.   ((Insert favorite crush here)).   Is he still going?   Huh.  What's up with him.   Blah, blah, blah. 

Right?  the sweetie and I actually have a really good sex life but even so if he asked what I was thinking about during sex, he would often times not like the answer -  not because of some other guy but because it would be a boring as fuck nagging stream of consciousness chores list boner-killer.  lol

[Works4me]

And I have always really hated that Geico pig - as in loathed him - now I know why!



Swamp - your commentary is truly fantastic!

[andi9899]

Apr 23, 2019 14:54:34 GMT -5 swamp said:

Apr 23, 2019 14:51:00 GMT -5 imawino said:

I'm sorry you are feeling fat and unattractive!! I've definitely been feeling that way myself lately and it kind of infects and ruins everything.

As for what your dh (or men in general) think about during sex, I have absolutely no idea. Even if they do think about someone else from time to time I don't know that it's necessarily a negative reflection on their partner.

I think it's "Weeeeeeeee!!!  I'm having sex!!!! Weeeeeeee! Weeeeeee!"

Kind of like the Geico pig 

I just love you.

[flamingo]

Apr 23, 2019 14:54:34 GMT -5 swamp said:

Apr 23, 2019 14:51:00 GMT -5 imawino said:

I'm sorry you are feeling fat and unattractive!! I've definitely been feeling that way myself lately and it kind of infects and ruins everything.

As for what your dh (or men in general) think about during sex, I have absolutely no idea. Even if they do think about someone else from time to time I don't know that it's necessarily a negative reflection on their partner.

I think it's "Weeeeeeeee!!!  I'm having sex!!!! Weeeeeeee! Weeeeeee!"

Kind of like the Geico pig 

For real, my DH actually said this to me last time. I've also been known to laugh out loud at something he says/does. I never want to actually know what he's thinking in bed (sometimes I don't even want to know what he's thinking OUT of bed). My DH has the amazing ability to talk non-stop about the mundane. 

I'm sorry so many are struggling! 

[Sam_2.0]

Apr 23, 2019 14:49:21 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Apr 23, 2019 14:47:42 GMT -5 swamp said:

No, you don't want to know.     He doesnt' want to know what goes through your mind during sex either.

My mind often is like this:   Shit, did I turn the over off? Are there still clothes in teh dryer?  Oh, that's nice.  I need to up my game, I'm gonna do "x" to him.  Why is the dog pacing?   What should I have for dinner tomorrow night?   Did I do "y" at work?  shit, I dont' think i did.  Mental note to do that tomorrow first thing.    Yup, that feels good.  Mmmmmmm.    Crap, DD's band concert is tomorrow, does she have a dress?  Do I need to go to the store?  what store?  Dammit, why can't she wear normal sizes?   We're almost out of dog food and toilet paper, I need to go to walmart tomorrow.   Do we need milk too?    Mmmmm, remember x from HS, damn he was hot.   ((Insert favorite crush here)).   Is he still going?   Huh.  What's up with him.   Blah, blah, blah. 

Oh God Swamp.  I love you. 

ETA - Sam_2.0, I'm sorry about hijacking the thread. 

Ditto to Swamp

And Beth, hijack whenever you want

[Sam_2.0]

So, this may be weird, but part of getting my shit together has been taking care of myself. I'm turning into a girl afterall. I stopped biting my nails and now I get them done. I use better skin and hair products. I dress better. H hasn't been the only one to notice...

[Works4me]

There must be something in the water because I am about ready to give J his walking papers. I know I'm not happy and I doubt he is happy, so why prolong the torture?

The problems are, to quote Casablanca, the usual suspects: communucation, family, intimacy, money, motivation & procrastination, etc. The older I get, the more I'm inclined to believe that maybe men and women are not meant to live together.
LOL

[giramomma]

I'll be the odd duck.

I actually won't have sex with DH if neither one of us can be present. Meaning not thinking about bills, the kids, other people...

But, due to our history, that's my hard line in the sand. I won't just f*ck him anymore. It makes me feel cheap and used. Sex is so much better with emotional intimacy. And I will hold out if the intimacy is missing.

And, I actually don't fantasize about other people when I'm with him. (I also don't have a BOB, either, because I don't want to risk conditioning myself to only be responsive to toy, especially after having a partner that conditioned himself to his touch only...it makes for some bad feelings to work through).  It's even rare that I *notice* an attractive male. Which working on a college campus seems hard to believe. There was a cute ROTC undergrad I saw yesterday that I was like well, hello.. But, that's the first one I've noticed in a really long time. Maybe 6 months/

When I'm driving without the kids, walking to meetings, commuting on the bus, etc I'm prepping for my day, worrying about bills, thinking about clients, planning when I'm baking brownies, mentally running through homework...

Honestly, I think if DH and I won't make it, it's going to because I won't settle. I read here and then I'm like "I should shut up because I have the husband that drives the kids around, cooks, cleans, is a saver, will arrange for dates every once in a while. I mean even now with Miss M, he's taking more of the night wakings with her than I am....like way more."

But, that's not enough. I want that emotional intimacy, too.

I dunno. I probably set the bar to high. But, it is what it is. Either DH will rise up to it, or he won't.

[WholeLottaNothin]

Apr 23, 2019 21:45:46 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

So, this may be weird, but part of getting my shit together has been taking care of myself. I'm turning into a girl afterall. I stopped biting my nails and now I get them done. I use better skin and hair products. I dress better. H hasn't been the only one to notice...

 and.....

[shanendoah]

giramomma - I think you need to go back to the Dear Sugar link that Pants posted on page 51. Just because someone is a great person/great parent does not mean that you have to stay with them if they aren't a great partner for you. And the only person who gets to determine if they are a great partner for you is you. No one else's thoughts on this matter. What anyone else would do does not matter. If emotional intimacy is what you need to be happy in a relationship, and your relationship is missing that, then no matter what else is present in the person/relationship, you aren't going to be happy in the relationship. And that is enough reason to leave.
My parents genuinely like each other. They like each other's families. And there were times when I am certain my mother second guessed her decision to leave my father, but I honestly can't imagine either of them being happy now had they stayed together then. They work really well as co-parents and as friends. But after 16 years, they stopped working as a couple. And that's okay.

Again, I am not an advocate for anyone on this thread staying or leaving. I am an advocate for everyone on this thread to make the decision that is best for them individually, and to not let the idea of someone else "having it worse" make it seem like your feelings are not valid. And also to be the voice that says staying together for the kids can actually mess up the kids more than breaking apart for yourself.

You matter.
Your feelings matter.
Your situation is yours alone, and only you get to say what is right for you.
(This goes for everyone.)

[Pants]

Apr 23, 2019 21:45:46 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

So, this may be weird, but part of getting my shit together has been taking care of myself. I'm turning into a girl afterall. I stopped biting my nails and now I get them done. I use better skin and hair products. I dress better. H hasn't been the only one to notice...

1) You're a girl with or without getting your nails done. 
2) For me this was part of both aging and exiting the baby phase. I suddenly had all this free time (which I did not feel motivated to spend cleaning) and also I now had wrinkles! 
3) I also think there's a component of this increase in self-care that is linked to the way you are feeling about your marriage. For me, part of that was being like: I am not happy. I feel like I have been prioritizing others for a very long time. I am going to prioritize me. Does this make me feel better? Does this make me feel happier in my relationship? Or do the problems in my marriage exist outside my personal happiness as well? 

My bet is this happens to a lot of women during times of trouble in their marriage. 

[andi9899]

Apr 24, 2019 11:36:07 GMT -5 Pants said:

Apr 23, 2019 21:45:46 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

So, this may be weird, but part of getting my shit together has been taking care of myself. I'm turning into a girl afterall. I stopped biting my nails and now I get them done. I use better skin and hair products. I dress better. H hasn't been the only one to notice...

1) You're a girl with or without getting your nails done. 
2) For me this was part of both aging and exiting the baby phase. I suddenly had all this free time (which I did not feel motivated to spend cleaning) and also I now had wrinkles! 
3) I also think there's a component of this increase in self-care that is linked to the way you are feeling about your marriage. For me, part of that was being like: I am not happy. I feel like I have been prioritizing others for a very long time. I am going to prioritize me. Does this make me feel better? Does this make me feel happier in my relationship? Or do the problems in my marriage exist outside my personal happiness as well? 

My bet is this happens to a lot of women during times of trouble in their marriage. 

This is me. Not during a point in a marriage, but when my kids got older and were no longer as dependent on me as they once were. I always did hair and makeup, but they look better now. I also really got into fitness and self care where I wasn't before. I put the girls before myself for a lot of years. Now I'm doing things for me and I love it!

[swamp]

Apr 24, 2019 11:36:07 GMT -5 Pants said:

Apr 23, 2019 21:45:46 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

So, this may be weird, but part of getting my shit together has been taking care of myself. I'm turning into a girl afterall. I stopped biting my nails and now I get them done. I use better skin and hair products. I dress better. H hasn't been the only one to notice...

1) You're a girl with or without getting your nails done. 
2) For me this was part of both aging and exiting the baby phase. I suddenly had all this free time (which I did not feel motivated to spend cleaning) and also I now had wrinkles! 
3) I also think there's a component of this increase in self-care that is linked to the way you are feeling about your marriage. For me, part of that was being like: I am not happy. I feel like I have been prioritizing others for a very long time. I am going to prioritize me. Does this make me feel better? Does this make me feel happier in my relationship? Or do the problems in my marriage exist outside my personal happiness as well? 

My bet is this happens to a lot of women during times of trouble in their marriage. 

I lost about 40 pounds during a rough part of my marriage.  I looked fabulous and was getting some attention.    In a twisted way, I think it helped my marriage.    It reinforced that I was desirable to other men, and basically told DH, "either you start appreciating me, or there are other guys out there who will.  Your call."   He stepped up. 

[Pants]

Apr 24, 2019 13:54:32 GMT -5 swamp said:

Apr 24, 2019 11:36:07 GMT -5 Pants said:

1) You're a girl with or without getting your nails done. 
2) For me this was part of both aging and exiting the baby phase. I suddenly had all this free time (which I did not feel motivated to spend cleaning) and also I now had wrinkles! 
3) I also think there's a component of this increase in self-care that is linked to the way you are feeling about your marriage. For me, part of that was being like: I am not happy. I feel like I have been prioritizing others for a very long time. I am going to prioritize me. Does this make me feel better? Does this make me feel happier in my relationship? Or do the problems in my marriage exist outside my personal happiness as well? 

My bet is this happens to a lot of women during times of trouble in their marriage. 

I lost about 40 pounds during a rough part of my marriage.  I looked fabulous and was getting some attention.    In a twisted way, I think it helped my marriage.    It reinforced that I was desirable to other men, and basically told DH, "either you start appreciating me, or there are other guys out there who will.  Your call."   He stepped up. 

Yeah. I know there's a stereotype out there of "revenge bodies" and whatever, and for me at least none of it has been directly about attracting the attention of men. It's been about either 1) stress or 2) feeling an extreme need to prioritize myself and things that make me feel good - physically, mentally, emotionally - after a period of prioritizing others. However, I did get hit on a couple years ago by a dude on a business trip, and I was like, OH RIGHT, I REMEMBER THIS. THIS USED TO HAPPEN LIKE... A LOT? I'M STILL HUMAN? OTHER HUMANS MIGHT STILL TREAT ME LIKE AN ATTRACTIVE PERSON?! CRAZY!

So I also definitely understand why getting sexual attention from others after a period of feeling *whatever one felt* (asexual, taken advantage of, fat, depressed, like your body belongs to your children, like your husband treats you like a drive-thru, or literally whatever you felt like when you didn't feel your best) is also a boost. 

[Pants]

Apr 23, 2019 14:46:55 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Apr 23, 2019 14:41:26 GMT -5 swamp said:

If someone I didnt' know propositioned me, I'd totally be checking out their FB page.   I want to see what I'm attracting! 

I"m mostly ok with finding out he was propositioned and peeking at her FB page.  I mean, yeah, his privacy settings may need some work because she probably shouldn't have been able to get to his FB page in the first place.  But people find other people attractive.  That's biology and hormones and stuff.  And he's always felt awkward about being hit on. 

Is it helpful or not that I would 100% assume that she was a bot or a catfish? Like - 95% chance it's not a real human woman who wants to sleep with your husband, it's someone who is trying to get him to send his credit card number or get blackmail material. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Apr 24, 2019 14:25:28 GMT -5 Pants said:

Apr 23, 2019 14:46:55 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

I"m mostly ok with finding out he was propositioned and peeking at her FB page.  I mean, yeah, his privacy settings may need some work because she probably shouldn't have been able to get to his FB page in the first place.  But people find other people attractive.  That's biology and hormones and stuff.  And he's always felt awkward about being hit on. 

Is it helpful or not that I would 100% assume that she was a bot or a catfish? Like - 95% chance it's not a real human woman who wants to sleep with your husband, it's someone who is trying to get him to send his credit card number or get blackmail material. 

he met her in a 1 day Google Analytics class that his work wanted him to attend.  He thinks they're going to add playing with Google Analytics stuff to his workload. 

But I appreciate the effort Pants!

He's taking the kids to see Loren Ball, from ANW, at the ninja gym tonight.  So they'll be gone for a couple of hours and I'll have the house to myself.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself.  I'm slightly giddy at the thought, to be honest.  My handbell practice was cancelled for tonight too. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

I want to stay with him.  But I need to find my voice and talk with him about stuff like my needs.  And chores. 

An example - I found the ninja gym.  Looked up the cost, winced for a monthly fee for a family of 4.  Talked to him about it 2-3 months after that.  We went for a tour and signed up.  I started taking the kids to the Kid Ninja class, because it's at 430 and he's not home in time.  We started going to the adult classes w/ the kids.  After a few months, the classes got fuller and it was indicated by the owners that the kids needed to stop coming.  Ok, we'd been open with them that we'd make other arrangements if the kids' presence was bothering anyone.  We decided DH would take the Tuesday class and I'd take the Thursday class.  K continued to come and would do a routine in a corner, where she was out of the way.  Then made friends with another girl who was hanging out in the women's locker area and they play together.  But DH wants to go to the Thursday night classes as well as the Tuesday nights.  C doesn't want to be there.  So I feel like I've lost both adult class nights because of this.  And DH is talking about adding a 3rd class/workout time on weekends.  There's no bloody time that works without me making another sacrifice.  Or the kids making one as we're hitting the kid sports on weekends stage with a vengeance.  The gym has limited hours on Sat. and no hours on Sunday.  Yes, I'm at the gym for 2, one hour sessions of kid ninja a week but they're using the equipment and the space.  Plus there are other parents hanging out and I don't really want them watching my fat self exercise (It's different during the adult classes.)  I've started doing walking laps around the building during this time, but I need the structure of a class.  So I need to talk to DH about this.  I'm getting the class tonight because he's too sore from the stuff they did last night.  They all had fun, it sounds like.  And I sat on the couch and watched TV without any interruptions while they were gone.  It was so peaceful. 

[andi9899]

If the price is steep for all of you, would it make enough difference price wise to take you off the membership that you could buy your own cheaper gym membership elsewhere? That way you get adult interaction away from him and the kids? That way you could make your own friends at your own gym. You could have classes and work on fitness at the same time. Maybe it's "family pricing" and doesn't work like that, but just thought I'd throw that in there.

[Wisconsin Beth]

The problem is kid care.  Mine are 9 and almost 11 and not ready to be left alone at home.  And they hated going to the kid care at my previous gym.  Monday nights are kid ninja from 430-530.  Tuesdays are adult class from 6-7.  C has soccer practice from 6-7 as well.  Wed. I have bell practice from 430-6ish.  Thurs. is kid ninja from 430-530 and adult class from 6-7.  This weekend we've got a wedding to go to.  Next weekend is soccer and K's 11th bday.  She wants to make treats for school and a fancy cake for her party so we need to get baking time in there.  And I'm in church on Sundays from 9-1130 as we have handbell and voice choir practice before Mass.  Then there's grocery shopping, laundry and cleaning that need to happen too. 

We've managed to get the cost down somewhat by paying for 6 months at a time.  I think we're at $135 a month, down from $185 a month this way. 

[andi9899]

That's a lot to try and grasp in a post. When you go to the gym, is one staying with them there while the other takes the class? Or are the kids spectators in the adult class?

If not gym time, maybe try and find your own time for yourself. Even if it's just an hour or two once a week or two.

[Wisconsin Beth]

The kids are spectators.  K doesn't mind it.  C does. 

[Deleted]

How long are the classes?  At 9 and 11 it might be a good time to start trying leaving them alone while mom and dad go to class. 

[justme]

Apr 25, 2019 9:01:26 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

That's a lot to try and grasp in a post. When you go to the gym, is one staying with them there while the other takes the class? Or are the kids spectators in the adult class?

If not gym time, maybe try and find your own time for yourself. Even if it's just an hour or two once a week or two.

It sounds like the were - one took the Tues class and one took the Thurs class until her DH decided he wanted to take both Tues & Thurs leaving her with the kids 2 nights and no class to take. And now he wants to take a third class which would leave her with the kids 3 times a week.

I know I'm not married, but that's BS and Beth should tell him it goes back to what you originally agreed - he takes one class and she take the other. It sounds like she didn't really fight him on it - but he shouldn't have asked in the first place unless she were just not going to the classes at all. 

[raeoflyte]

Dh and I have similar set ups for dojo time.  Just to confirm--Has the gym said it's an issue for the kids to be there during adult classes?  If it hasn't I would go that route.  You spend a lot of time at their activities, they can spend an hour reading (or if you're okay with screen time on a tablet with headphones) while you do your class.  

Your dh still can't take over all the gym time and I'd absolutely address that with him, and no reason to be overly nice about it.  This was your thing, you included him, and you'd like to keep it a family thing but not at your expense.  I'd make him get his own membership before you find another gym.  

[swamp]

Before the kids were old enough to leave home alone, I dragged them to all sorts of exercise classes.    They would get a bag of goldfish, a bottle of water, and unlimted ipad or gaming time.   

[Wisconsin Beth]

Apr 25, 2019 9:57:16 GMT -5 justme said:

Apr 25, 2019 9:01:26 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

That's a lot to try and grasp in a post. When you go to the gym, is one staying with them there while the other takes the class? Or are the kids spectators in the adult class?

If not gym time, maybe try and find your own time for yourself. Even if it's just an hour or two once a week or two.

It sounds like the were - one took the Tues class and one took the Thurs class until her DH decided he wanted to take both Tues & Thurs leaving her with the kids 2 nights and no class to take. And now he wants to take a third class which would leave her with the kids 3 times a week.

I know I'm not married, but that's BS and Beth should tell him it goes back to what you originally agreed - he takes one class and she take the other. It sounds like she didn't really fight him on it - but he shouldn't have asked in the first place unless she were just not going to the classes at all. 

Mostly this. 

Last fall I did something to a tendon and it was painful to do the class, so part of this is I wasn't going because it hurt too much.  Now I'm trying to claw it back. 

It's interesting to go to classes with dh and both kids - he's completely focused on the exercises whereas a solid third of my attention is on the kids.  Even with his kindle, snack, etc. C doesn't want to be there during the adult classes.  Once in a while it's ok.  And if he can participate, it's sort of ok but he's not good at being aware of other people, their needs and their spaces.

Neither kid is ready to be home alone yet.  And neither of them are ready for K to be left in charge as she's the older. 

[raeoflyte]

Apr 25, 2019 8:32:14 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

I want to stay with him.  But I need to find my voice and talk with him about stuff like my needs.  And chores. 

An example - I found the ninja gym.  Looked up the cost, winced for a monthly fee for a family of 4.  Talked to him about it 2-3 months after that.  We went for a tour and signed up.  I started taking the kids to the Kid Ninja class, because it's at 430 and he's not home in time.  We started going to the adult classes w/ the kids.  After a few months, the classes got fuller and it was indicated by the owners that the kids needed to stop coming.  Ok, we'd been open with them that we'd make other arrangements if the kids' presence was bothering anyone.  We decided DH would take the Tuesday class and I'd take the Thursday class.  K continued to come and would do a routine in a corner, where she was out of the way.  Then made friends with another girl who was hanging out in the women's locker area and they play together.  But DH wants to go to the Thursday night classes as well as the Tuesday nights.  C doesn't want to be there.  So I feel like I've lost both adult class nights because of this.  And DH is talking about adding a 3rd class/workout time on weekends.  There's no bloody time that works without me making another sacrifice.  Or the kids making one as we're hitting the kid sports on weekends stage with a vengeance.  The gym has limited hours on Sat. and no hours on Sunday.  Yes, I'm at the gym for 2, one hour sessions of kid ninja a week but they're using the equipment and the space.  Plus there are other parents hanging out and I don't really want them watching my fat self exercise (It's different during the adult classes.)  I've started doing walking laps around the building during this time, but I need the structure of a class.  So I need to talk to DH about this.  I'm getting the class tonight because he's too sore from the stuff they did last night.  They all had fun, it sounds like.  And I sat on the couch and watched TV without any interruptions while they were gone.  It was so peaceful. 

Reread, and it is a gym thing which doesn't at all diminish asshole, or at least incredible selfish and inconsiderate husband thing.  But maybe push back on the gym a bit.  They have kid and adult classes.  What do they expect families to do and how long do they want people to keep their memberships?  They have limited times available.  Were the kids creating issues?  If not, they need to figure it out.  Dd is bff with her sensei and loves to hang out at the dojo.  She sits in her office and colors, or helps her clean.  We're paying a lot more for our monthly membership than you are, but they have created clients for life and we just love to pay them more.  Sweatshirts? Summer camps?  Birthday parties?  Heck yeah. 

Oh, better yet...tell dh if he wants to keep coming to 2 or 3 classes a week he needs to push back on the gym.  

[bean29]

Can your parents watch the kids while you work out? You would not believe how much my in-laws did for us when the kids were younger...now my kids are grown and they have decided their favorite grandchildren are my fur babies. We get daily doggie daycare + some weekends. We either do maintenance on the house, or DH gives his Mom cash to buy groceries for the holidays. DH has probably bought every car they drove for the last 20 years and we pay their cell phone bill. Both sides seem pretty happy with our deal.

[raeoflyte]

Apr 25, 2019 10:25:01 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Apr 25, 2019 9:57:16 GMT -5 justme said:

It sounds like the were - one took the Tues class and one took the Thurs class until her DH decided he wanted to take both Tues & Thurs leaving her with the kids 2 nights and no class to take. And now he wants to take a third class which would leave her with the kids 3 times a week.

I know I'm not married, but that's BS and Beth should tell him it goes back to what you originally agreed - he takes one class and she take the other. It sounds like she didn't really fight him on it - but he shouldn't have asked in the first place unless she were just not going to the classes at all. 

Mostly this. 

Last fall I did something to a tendon and it was painful to do the class, so part of this is I wasn't going because it hurt too much.  Now I'm trying to claw it back. 

It's interesting to go to classes with dh and both kids - he's completely focused on the exercises whereas a solid third of my attention is on the kids.  Even with his kindle, snack, etc. C doesn't want to be there during the adult classes.  Once in a while it's ok.  And if he can participate, it's sort of ok but he's not good at being aware of other people, their needs and their spaces.

Neither kid is ready to be home alone yet.  And neither of them are ready for K to be left in charge as she's the older. 

hmmm....then straight up tell him you were okay with him going more when injured, but you need more time now.  It sucks that he can't realize he needs to check in.  

[Wisconsin Beth]

It's a space issue Rae.  When they get 10+ adults at the adult class, we're bumping into each other while we do circuit training. 

When we started, the classes were for 13yo + and had 5-7 people, counting Dh and me.  So there was room for the kids to play on the equipment, although they weren't good at staying out of the way of the adults.  I was open with the owners that we knew bringing them was potentially problematic due to ages.  The classes are still 13yo+ but we've got 10-15 people per class.  And some of them compete in events, so their serious about their training. 

The gym is fine with the kids watching or doing something in a corner where there's no equipment during the adult classes.  C doesn't want to do that, even with snacks and his kindle. 

The gym has another year or so lease on this space.  I love it because it's close to home - we're 10 minutes one way.  A lot of people are 30+ minutes.  The owners are talking about a second location with more space or just moving to a bigger space when the lease ends.