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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2019 12:24:58 GMT -5
WTF on the carseats having to match?
But a spouse spending 30K on a car with 100K miles would have me in a rampage (maybe why I'm not married!)
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 23, 2019 12:26:19 GMT -5
Damn, I suck as a parent. The car seats never matched anything.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 23, 2019 12:27:30 GMT -5
WTF on the carseats having to match?
But a spouse spending 30K on a car with 100K miles would have me in a rampage (maybe why I'm not married!)
I am married. It would totally send me on a rampage. But then, DH bought a new truck one time for no reason other than he wanted a new truck. Granted, he only paid $10k after trade in, but there was no reason for it. I was not amused, but it's his money too. |
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Apr 23, 2019 12:52:48 GMT -5
Wow. I get you guys have separate finances and stuff, but. Wow. What a dick move.
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Value Buy
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Post by Value Buy on Apr 23, 2019 12:56:48 GMT -5
WTF on the carseats having to match?
But a spouse spending 30K on a car with 100K miles would have me in a rampage (maybe why I'm not married!)
I am married. It would totally send me on a rampage. But then, DH bought a new truck one time for no reason other than he wanted a new truck. Granted, he only paid $10k after trade in, but there was no reason for it. I was not amused, but it's his money too. While we were still both working my wife went out and bought a new Honda CR-V with five yr zero or 1% financing, cannot remember which. When she came home with it, she then told me the Buick Rendevous (six yrs old) was going to our grand daughter at no cost, and not to say a word to her about it. I didn't. I loved that Buick......... Am I a whuss?  our incomes were about equal at the time.... |
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 23, 2019 13:19:10 GMT -5
I wasn't familiar with the car so I looked it up. Holy crap! I really hope it's used because the 2016 base model costs twice what my Nissan does. Why doesn't he save $15-20K and get a Nissan Murano. It's basically the same thing. He got a 2015 and it still cost $30k. It has 100,000 miles on it. I think it was a dumb choice but whatever... He thinks since he works with guys in finance that he needs a car like that. Glad I got my car that gets 29mpg because his will be terrible on gas. Somebody got hosed. You can buy something else brand spanking new for that. In other news I don't feel bad about my car loan anymore.  |
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justme
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Post by justme on Apr 23, 2019 13:27:13 GMT -5
He got a 2015 and it still cost $30k. It has 100,000 miles on it. I think it was a dumb choice but whatever... He thinks since he works with guys in finance that he needs a car like that. Glad I got my car that gets 29mpg because his will be terrible on gas. Somebody got hosed. You can buy something else brand spanking new for that. In other news I don't feel bad about my car loan anymore. A brand new Hyundai SanteFe XL that seats 7 costs $30k. Probably has more tech than a 4 year old luxury car too. |
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 23, 2019 13:29:45 GMT -5
Somebody got hosed. You can buy something else brand spanking new for that. In other news I don't feel bad about my car loan anymore. A brand new Hyundai SanteFe XL that seats 7 costs $30k. Probably has more tech than a 4 year old luxury car too. But that's not a luxury car. If Sam's DH is anything like my DH the dealer saw him coming from a mile away. |
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 23, 2019 13:31:01 GMT -5
Damn, I suck as a parent. The car seats never matched anything. I'm not even sure what the original color of our car seats is. I am pretty sure they weren't Goldfish army patterned.  |
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justme
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Post by justme on Apr 23, 2019 13:35:05 GMT -5
A brand new Hyundai SanteFe XL that seats 7 costs $30k. Probably has more tech than a 4 year old luxury car too. But that's not a luxury car. If Sam's DH is anything like my DH the dealer saw him coming from a mile away. It is when you buy the Limited Ultimate version!  But that's $36k. The $30k one has heated second row seats though - he could have kept those matching car seats nice and warm  |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 23, 2019 13:45:17 GMT -5
Damn, I suck as a parent. The car seats never matched anything. I'm not even sure what the original color of our car seats is. I am pretty sure they weren't Goldfish army patterned. The car seats we had after the "baby in a bucket" seats were brown. I only remember because I hate brown. Then the booster seats. DS's was zebra striped, and DD's was hot pink. |
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 23, 2019 13:46:35 GMT -5
There's a 2017 Nissan Murano here in town that is loaded with 28K miles for $30K. He does know that Nissan makes Infiniti, right?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 23, 2019 13:49:43 GMT -5
Damn, I suck as a parent. The car seats never matched anything. I'm not even sure what the original color of our car seats is. I am pretty sure they weren't Goldfish army patterned. Since Sam is the one who always has the kids, his car seats probably won't get much use, so you'll definitely be able to tell what color they are. |
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Apr 23, 2019 14:03:52 GMT -5
How's everyone doing?
DH spilled some stuff over the weekend and I'm processing.
He was propositioned over FB by a woman he'd met on Thursday at a class. He's feeling all sorts of feels about that and basically doesn't like it.
He's stressed, sore and feels like he (and us, in general) are in a rut and he'd like to get out of it somehow. Some of it is physical and some of it is emotional/mental, it seems.
I'm stressed and sore. And not wanting to do my own emotional work, much less his.
Yikes. That sounds like a lot for you to have to deal with, on top of your own ambivalence you mentioned. What did he mean when he said he didn't like it - didn't like that someone would proposition him? Didn't like that he was interested? Didn't like that he wasn't sure how you would feel about it?
Why do you think he told you - was he hoping you would say okay, or maybe hoping to hear you say no way, you're all mine?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 23, 2019 14:11:52 GMT -5
I'm not even sure what the original color of our car seats is. I am pretty sure they weren't Goldfish army patterned. The car seats we had after the "baby in a bucket" seats were brown. I only remember because I hate brown. Then the booster seats. DS's was zebra striped, and DD's was hot pink. That sounds about right. I took my kids to Target and let them pick out the color they wanted for their boosters, based on the options available. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2019 14:17:30 GMT -5
Carrot's car seat was cow print. I loved that car seat...it matched everything.  |
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 23, 2019 14:24:12 GMT -5
How's everyone doing?
DH spilled some stuff over the weekend and I'm processing.
He was propositioned over FB by a woman he'd met on Thursday at a class. He's feeling all sorts of feels about that and basically doesn't like it.
He's stressed, sore and feels like he (and us, in general) are in a rut and he'd like to get out of it somehow. Some of it is physical and some of it is emotional/mental, it seems.
I'm stressed and sore. And not wanting to do my own emotional work, much less his.
Yikes. That sounds like a lot for you to have to deal with, on top of your own ambivalence you mentioned. What did he mean when he said he didn't like it - didn't like that someone would proposition him? Didn't like that he was interested? Didn't like that he wasn't sure how you would feel about it?
Why do you think he told you - was he hoping you would say okay, or maybe hoping to hear you say no way, you're all mine?
He said he told me because he felt guilty (after she messaged him, he peeked at her FB page) and he didn't like feeling guilty and didn't really think he should be feeling guilty for being propositioned and/or peeking at her FB page. And telling me apparently makes him not feel guilty anymore. And then he moved into the stuff about being in a rut and all. I keep my mouth shut and let him talk, instead of rushing into reassure or to fill a silence. And since I wasn't saying anything, he kept on talking. And now we're back into not talking about it. And I feel shitty about myself and our relationship and don't know what to do about it. And he's clueless, or at least if feels that way to me.
The tech/geek part of me is going "hey, maybe you need to tighten up those privacy settings on FB" Also "hey, welcome to the world of women" because I bet damn near every one of us has been propositioned at least once in our lives, be it in person or online.
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chapeau
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Post by chapeau on Apr 23, 2019 14:26:31 GMT -5
Carrot's car seat was cow print. I loved that car seat...it matched everything. DD had that one, too. It was perfect! And DH wants to switch me cars on a permanent basis. Which means he wants to switch kid seats too. He doesn’t want to drive around with a hot pink seat in his car... |
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Apr 23, 2019 14:38:56 GMT -5
Yikes. That sounds like a lot for you to have to deal with, on top of your own ambivalence you mentioned. What did he mean when he said he didn't like it - didn't like that someone would proposition him? Didn't like that he was interested? Didn't like that he wasn't sure how you would feel about it?
Why do you think he told you - was he hoping you would say okay, or maybe hoping to hear you say no way, you're all mine?
He said he told me because he felt guilty (after she messaged him, he peeked at her FB page) and he didn't like feeling guilty and didn't really think he should be feeling guilty for being propositioned and/or peeking at her FB page. And telling me apparently makes him not feel guilty anymore. And then he moved into the stuff about being in a rut and all. I keep my mouth shut and let him talk, instead of rushing into reassure or to fill a silence. And since I wasn't saying anything, he kept on talking. And now we're back into not talking about it. And I feel shitty about myself and our relationship and don't know what to do about it. And he's clueless, or at least if feels that way to me.
The tech/geek part of me is going "hey, maybe you need to tighten up those privacy settings on FB" Also "hey, welcome to the world of women" because I bet damn near every one of us has been propositioned at least once in our lives, be it in person or online.
Why do you feel shitty about yourself? You seem pretty cool! And do you feel shitty about your relationship because you feel shitty about yourself, or because of something else entirely?
So in general I'd say no one needs to feel guilty about being propositioned, unless they know they did something to make the other person think it was welcome and wanted when it was not or should not have been. And checking our the fb page of someone who propositioned you is normal and harmless enough. I'd certainly be curious. But, peeking at the fb page is different than lingering hungrily over every photo and comment!
How did you feel about him getting propositioned?
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 23, 2019 14:41:11 GMT -5
He got a 2015 and it still cost $30k. It has 100,000 miles on it. I think it was a dumb choice but whatever... He thinks since he works with guys in finance that he needs a car like that. Glad I got my car that gets 29mpg because his will be terrible on gas. Somebody got hosed. You can buy something else brand spanking new for that. In other news I don't feel bad about my car loan anymore. No kidding. I feel so much better about my car purchase. And I cried after I bought the car and told DH I screwed up and it was a bad financial choice. |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 23, 2019 14:41:26 GMT -5
If someone I didnt' know propositioned me, I'd totally be checking out their FB page. I want to see what I'm attracting!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 23, 2019 14:42:40 GMT -5
Shitty = fat, unattractive and left wondering was he thinking of other women when having sex with me? And do I really want to know if he was?
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Apr 23, 2019 14:43:25 GMT -5
Wow, Beth. That's got to be difficult. Glad you both are able to talk about it though.
H and I are going to San Diego for a little get away. I'm more excited for the beach than the company. We've been back to neutral for awhile. When my friend passed last week, he did step up and take care of things when I just couldn't mentally handle it. But he also stopped at the car dealership on the way home from the funeral so he could get his car. Infinity QX80. Seriously. Then we had to go buy new carseats for the kids because the ones we had didn't match his interior. I'm just....over it. He makes money now and can afford the payments so I just don't care. but it was pretty low to go spend 5 hours at the dealership when I was barely functioning mentally or physically.
So I know everyone is now focused on car seats and mileage, but I want to ask.....do you want to work it out with your DH or not?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 23, 2019 14:46:55 GMT -5
If someone I didnt' know propositioned me, I'd totally be checking out their FB page. I want to see what I'm attracting! I"m mostly ok with finding out he was propositioned and peeking at her FB page. I mean, yeah, his privacy settings may need some work because she probably shouldn't have been able to get to his FB page in the first place. But people find other people attractive. That's biology and hormones and stuff. And he's always felt awkward about being hit on. |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 23, 2019 14:47:42 GMT -5
Shitty = fat, unattractive and left wondering was he thinking of other women when having sex with me? And do I really want to know if he was? No, you don't want to know. He doesnt' want to know what goes through your mind during sex either. My mind often is like this: Shit, did I turn the over off? Are there still clothes in teh dryer? Oh, that's nice. I need to up my game, I'm gonna do "x" to him. Why is the dog pacing? What should I have for dinner tomorrow night? Did I do "y" at work? shit, I dont' think i did. Mental note to do that tomorrow first thing. Yup, that feels good. Mmmmmmm. Crap, DD's band concert is tomorrow, does she have a dress? Do I need to go to the store? what store? Dammit, why can't she wear normal sizes? We're almost out of dog food and toilet paper, I need to go to walmart tomorrow. Do we need milk too? Mmmmm, remember x from HS, damn he was hot. ((Insert favorite crush here)). Is he still going? Huh. What's up with him. Blah, blah, blah. |
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 23, 2019 14:49:21 GMT -5
Shitty = fat, unattractive and left wondering was he thinking of other women when having sex with me? And do I really want to know if he was? No, you don't want to know. He doesnt' want to know what goes through your mind during sex either. My mind often is like this: Shit, did I turn the over off? Are there still clothes in teh dryer? Oh, that's nice. I need to up my game, I'm gonna do "x" to him. Why is the dog pacing? What should I have for dinner tomorrow night? Did I do "y" at work? shit, I dont' think i did. Mental note to do that tomorrow first thing. Yup, that feels good. Mmmmmmm. Crap, DD's band concert is tomorrow, does she have a dress? Do I need to go to the store? what store? Dammit, why can't she wear normal sizes? We're almost out of dog food and toilet paper, I need to go to walmart tomorrow. Do we need milk too? Mmmmm, remember x from HS, damn he was hot. ((Insert favorite crush here)). Is he still going? Huh. What's up with him. Blah, blah, blah. Oh God Swamp. I love you.
ETA - Sam_2.0, I'm sorry about hijacking the thread. |
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Apr 23, 2019 14:51:00 GMT -5
Shitty = fat, unattractive and left wondering was he thinking of other women when having sex with me? And do I really want to know if he was? I'm sorry you are feeling fat and unattractive!! I've definitely been feeling that way myself lately and it kind of infects and ruins everything.
As for what your dh (or men in general) think about during sex, I have absolutely no idea. Even if they do think about someone else from time to time I don't know that it's necessarily a negative reflection on their partner.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 23, 2019 14:54:32 GMT -5
No, you don't want to know. He doesnt' want to know what goes through your mind during sex either.  We don't talk about what goes on in our heads. As long as we are only physically sleeping with each other that's enough. I know I think of other men from time to time, I'm sure he has fantasies about other women. We're human beings after all and I would be surprised if there is a person on earth who only ever THINKS of one person while having sex.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 23, 2019 14:54:34 GMT -5
Shitty = fat, unattractive and left wondering was he thinking of other women when having sex with me? And do I really want to know if he was? I'm sorry you are feeling fat and unattractive!! I've definitely been feeling that way myself lately and it kind of infects and ruins everything.
As for what your dh (or men in general) think about during sex, I have absolutely no idea. Even if they do think about someone else from time to time I don't know that it's necessarily a negative reflection on their partner.
I think it's "Weeeeeeeee!!! I'm having sex!!!! Weeeeeeee! Weeeeeee!" Kind of like the Geico pig |
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 23, 2019 14:55:57 GMT -5
I'm sorry you are feeling fat and unattractive!! I've definitely been feeling that way myself lately and it kind of infects and ruins everything.
As for what your dh (or men in general) think about during sex, I have absolutely no idea. Even if they do think about someone else from time to time I don't know that it's necessarily a negative reflection on their partner.
I think it's "Weeeeeeeee!!! I'm having sex!!!! Weeeeeeee! Weeeeeee!" Kind of like the Geico pig Thanks a lot now DH is going to wonder why the hell I am laughing so hard next time we have Thai food. |
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