Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:11:58 GMT -5
Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #175 - 08/06/10 04:20 PMDear MM, I found a fabulous emerald green teddy. How hot would it be if I... I mean my wife dresses up for St. Patrick's Day? Sincerely, Sexy in Cali Dear Sexy in Cali, put the green teddy on one of your dressforms in the garage. And tell Loop I said "Hi". Rossty the Fro ManMessage #176 - 08/06/10 04:21 PMDear Confused, A beer in the hand is worth two in the bush. Dear MM, How to you fit two in there? signed, Impressed Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #177 - 08/06/10 04:21 PMAHEM.......for her deftness at making all of us ROTFLSHIPALOT, I dub MM Guild Jester!! Tina deserves it too, so I guess we'll have two Jesters. Seems kinda appropriate for this place. LOL!!! I feel so honored! But surely you jest... genuine ga peachMessage #178 - 08/06/10 04:24 PMsince MB can't post here, I'll say it for him....don't call me Shirley! Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #179 - 08/06/10 04:38 PMI think my winter shoes and boots are planning to kill me. I just got attacked by a mean pair of knee high black heeled boots. The whole top of my foot is bruised. My questions are do you think they are trying to kill me? Should I buy stock in tinfoil? Also, who should I sue for my pain and suffering? Thanks, Limping in Michigan. Dear Limping, boots are an odd breed with a mean streak, which is why I don't own any. If you must keep them, I would crate them when you aren't wearing them. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #180 - 08/06/10 04:39 PMDear MM, How to you fit two in there? signed, Impressed Dear Impressed, I cannot reveal my secrets.
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Virgil Showlion
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Moderator
[b]leones potest resistere[/b]
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:19:33 GMT -5
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:12:34 GMT -5
Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #181 - 08/06/10 04:40 PMI MAY have a dead hooker on my hands....or I may have killed a crazy message board lady for insinuating that I was fat. Is this a situation where I can use the phrase tomato/tomahto/bloody mary. Also, should I start texting my friends to help dispose of the body or should I just bbq it and throw a neighborhood block party? Sincerely, Yoga Pants rule Dear Yoga Pants, It is summer time, aka Barbecue season. Enjoy. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #182 - 08/06/10 04:42 PMMM, the coffee grounds in my cup this morning looked like that haystack hair lady. Am I paranoid? signed, Used all the Kero. Dear Used all the Kero, use a coffee filter next time. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #183 - 08/06/10 04:43 PMsince MB can't post here, I'll say it for him....don't call me Shirley! LOL!!! Awww... say hi to MB for me and tell him I miss him. Omni_NogMessage #184 - 08/06/10 04:52 PMDear MM, Are extra-large yoga pants included with the purchase of a Dyson or are they sold separately? Hooversux Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #185 - 08/06/10 04:52 PMReading this thread I've lost a few pounds (so I'll have to buy new clothes) and have shorted out my laptop from getting coke all over the monitor. Who should I sue to pay for this financial inconvenience? Signed, Notmy Fault Dear Notmy Fault, you should sue Bill Gates. SlowbutSureMessage #186 - 08/06/10 04:53 PMAwww... say hi to MB for me and tell him I miss him. He's eavesdropping, so tell him yourself!
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Virgil Showlion
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Moderator
[b]leones potest resistere[/b]
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:19:33 GMT -5
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:12:55 GMT -5
Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #187 - 08/06/10 04:54 PMAre extra-large yoga pants included with the purchase of a Dyson or are they sold separately? Hooversux Dear Hooversux, if you want to dress something up, might I recommend a dressform instead of a vacuum. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #188 - 08/06/10 04:55 PMHe's eavesdropping, so tell him yourself! Hi MB!!! I miss you over here!!! genuine ga peachMessage #189 - 08/06/10 05:10 PMI miss you over here!!! ditto genuine ga peachMessage #190 - 08/06/10 05:34 PMMB in NY writes: Dear MM; I have a big problem. I am stuck in the Twilight Zone of the Internet. I'm neither here nor there; just kind of floating in an endless void of blocked web sites. I do have friends who have tried to help during this time at another forum, and they have been just great, but it's just not the same. My only contact with my former web home is through limited lurking at times. My question is this; does this make me an on-line Peeping Tom? Thanks for your help. (signed) Missing in action. PS; By any chance, do you know what time that naked lady plans to clean her windows? Thanks. Spydah1Message #191 - 08/06/10 05:36 PM replied silly Furthermore if you keep your rod in your pants, she will only be focusing on the curtain rod. Offer her a beer, its only polite to offer guests refreshments. And since she is older than you perhaps she could be your cougar/sugar momma. Thank you wvu, as always, you are golden. Dear Confused, A beer in the hand is worth two in the bush. Yes you were used. As far as your curtain rod goes, spare the rod and spoil the neighbor. Give her a glass of champagne instead of a beer.. or your rod. Why Thank you MM. This is great advise. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #192 - 08/06/10 05:37 PMI have a big problem. I am stuck in the Twilight Zone of the Internet. I'm neither here nor there; just kind of floating in an endless void of blocked web sites. I do have friends who have tried to help during this time at another forum, and they have been just great, but it's just not the same. My only contact with my former web home is through limited lurking at times. My question is this; does this make me an on-line Peeping Tom? Thanks for your help. (signed) Missing in action. PS; By any chance, do you know what time that naked lady plans to clean her windows? Thanks. Dear MIA, Yes, this does make you an on-line peeping Tom but in a totally non-creepy and perfectly understandable way. And I usually clean my windows around 6:30am.
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Virgil Showlion
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[b]leones potest resistere[/b]
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:13:31 GMT -5
Omni_NogMessage #193 - 08/06/10 05:39 PMdo you know what time that naked lady plans to clean her windows? 2:15 Uh ... I mean .... Uh, I don't know who you are talking about or how large her patootie may or may not be. wvugurl26Message #194 - 08/06/10 05:40 PMUh, I don't know who you are talking about or how large her patootie may or may not be. And you would never encourage her to say bend all the way over to get the dust bunnies Spydah1Message #195 - 08/06/10 05:43 PM2:15 Dear MM, What kind of binoculars do you recomment for nature watching? Signed, The guy behind the other bush Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #196 - 08/06/10 05:46 PMWhat kind of binoculars do you recomment for nature watching? Signed, The guy behind the other bush Spydah1Message #197 - 08/06/10 05:46 PMDear MM, I posted a picture in page 24 of the "Emoticon+ Pic Emporium" thread. It was not received well even though it was related to the same theme as every else was posting. Should I try again or should I encourage others to do the same? Signed, Mr. POtatoh Head/Mr. PoTAtoh Head wvugurl26Message #198 - 08/06/10 05:49 PMDear Spydah, I don't think it was of the same theme and if you are going to post band pictures you could at least pick a halfway decent band. Signed, Always Right
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:13:52 GMT -5
SlowbutSureMessage #199 - 08/06/10 05:50 PMDear Pot Head, I don't know about MM, but I would recommend leaving it alone and drinking more! Spydah1Message #200 - 08/06/10 05:58 PMAlways Right Dear Always Right, The theme was Incubus, therefore I provided a picture of Incubus. Signed, I love it when you use and abuse me wvugurl26Message #201 - 08/06/10 06:01 PMDear I love it when you use and abuse me, I didn't see the previous pictures as being in the them incubus. Especially the solar system. And even if that was the theme, the style of your picture did not go with the style of the previous pictures. Signed, Always Right PS As always this is too easy. Spydah1Message #202 - 08/06/10 06:02 PMDear MM, My friend Tina forgot to wish our President a happy birthday earlier this week. It could be her alzheimer's acting up. Is it okay for her to wish him a belated b-day? Or should she sing "Happy Birthday Mr. President" to him? What do you recommend? Signed, Left-wing Liberal Cool J Swamp.Message #203 - 08/06/10 06:24 PMDear MM, I am sitting at the car dealership waiting for them to fix my vehicle, AGAIN. And, they didn't have a part they ordered over a week ago, so I'll have to come back. Should I toss a molotov cocktail in the garage? Signed Passing Time Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #204 - 08/06/10 06:25 PMMy friend Tina forgot to wish our President a happy birthday earlier this week. It could be her alzheimer's acting up. Is it okay for her to wish him a belated b-day? Or should she sing "Happy Birthday Mr. President" to him? What do you recommend? Signed, Left-wing Liberal Cool J Dear Wing-nut... I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for Tina to sing for the President.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:14:28 GMT -5
FunSizeChoclateMessage #205 - 08/06/10 06:25 PMDear MM, I had a really crappy salad for lunch. I'm trying to eat healthy. Do Funyuns count as a vegetable? Thanks, Deep Fried Fan Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #206 - 08/06/10 06:26 PMI am sitting at the car dealership waiting for them to fix my vehicle, AGAIN. And, they didn't have a part they ordered over a week ago, so I'll have to come back. Should I toss a molotov cocktail in the garage? Signed Passing Time Dear Passing Time, Yes, the molotov cocktail is a good idea. Then make an alcoholic cocktail for yourself and enjoy a well-deserved drink. ETA: The molotov cocktail will also eliminate the need for a freezer. Win-Win Dr. PigMessage #207 - 08/06/10 06:28 PMDear MM, I set up a date with a 19 year old over zoosk. I used pictures of myself when I was 20 for the account. I do look rather young for my age but don't think I can pass off for 20 anymore. Should I tell her I have an disease that speeds up aging? I could garner sympathy. She's really hot and I want to impress her, what do 19 year olds do for fun these day? -Horatio Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #208 - 08/06/10 06:28 PMI had a really crappy salad for lunch. I'm trying to eat healthy. Do Funyuns count as a vegetable? Thanks, Deep Fried Fan Dear Deep Fried, yes, Funyuns count as vegetables... they taste like and rhyme with onions, don't they? In a pinch, french fries and ketchup are also vegetables. FunSizeChoclateMessage #209 - 08/06/10 06:31 PMDear Deep Fried, yes, Funyuns count as vegetables... they taste like and rhyme with onions, don't they? In a pinch, french fries and ketchup are also vegetables. Great! Sooo......cheddar and sour cream chips would count as a dairy serving as well as a veggie? Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #210 - 08/06/10 06:32 PMI set up a date with a 19 year old over zoosk. I used pictures of myself when I was 20 for the account. I do look rather young for my age but don't think I can pass off for 20 anymore. Should I tell her I have an disease that speeds up aging? I could garner sympathy. She's really hot and I want to impress her, what do 19 year olds do for fun these day? -Horatio Dear Horatio, first pre-program a reliable bail bondsman's number on your phone and make sure you have a good amount of cash on hand. As far as what year olds like to do for fun, I hear they like to go horseback riding in the nude so you should pick her up for your date while riding the horse. And now you understand where the first part of my advice is coming from.
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Virgil Showlion
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[b]leones potest resistere[/b]
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:14:49 GMT -5
BluerobinMessage #211 - 08/06/10 06:32 PMDear MM, I secretly took another nick and behaved badly so the mods would ban my old nick. Should I come out of hiding and let the EEers know my new nick, or just pretend I am new? Signed, Curious SJ. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #212 - 08/06/10 06:32 PMGreat! Sooo......cheddar and sour cream chips would count as a dairy serving as well as a veggie? Well done Grasshopper! I'm so proud! FunSizeChoclateMessage #213 - 08/06/10 06:34 PMWell done Grasshopper! I'm so proud! Awww, shucks, I learned from the best. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #214 - 08/06/10 06:34 PMI secretly took another nick and behaved poorly badly so the mods would ban my old nick. Should I come out of hiding and let the EEers know my new nick, or just pretend I am new? Signed, Curious SJ. Dear Curious, You need to reveal yourself. You really make all the ladies swoon with your no nonsense approach and you have been missed around here. People have also been separating the "a" and "lot" since you've been gone. MuscleUp.Message #215 - 08/06/10 06:36 PMDear MM I'm having trouble getting a girl. I'm thinking many women think they aren't good enough for me because, being the MuscleUp with my dynamic personality, charm, and pleasant wit is out of reach for most women. I;m thinking there should be a few girls that would be sufficient for the MuscleUp ( I'll learn to lower my standards). Will you help before I go work out? Should I look less at myself in the mirror? The MuscleUp!!! ( I know this situation might be way beyond your capabilities) Swamp.Message #216 - 08/06/10 06:37 PMI wouldn't hold your breath waiting for Tina to sing for the President Would "Ding dong the Witch is dead" count?
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Virgil Showlion
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[b]leones potest resistere[/b]
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:15:25 GMT -5
wvugurl26Message #217 - 08/06/10 06:39 PMDear MM, Wine counts as fruit right? SlowbutSureMessage #218 - 08/06/10 06:40 PMYou really make all the ladies swoon with your no nonsense approach and you have been missed around here Dear MM, Please tell me what you are currently drinking. I MUST have some of that happy juice. Sincerely, Depressed due to work Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #219 - 08/06/10 06:40 PMI'm having trouble getting a girl. I'm thinking many women think they aren't good enough for me because, being the MuscleUp with my dynamic personality, charm, and pleasant wit is out of reach for most women. I;m thinking there should be a few girls that would be sufficient for the MuscleUp ( I'll learn to lower my standards). Will you help before I go work out? Should I look less at myself in the mirror? The MuscleUp!!! ( I know this situation might be way beyond your capabilities) My advice originally would have been to seek out someone inflatable, but we had Fatty Patty write in yesterday who was skeeved out by here alleged boyfriend that kept taking her sailing and trying to inflate her. I'll need more time to think about this and will have to get back to you. MuscleUp.Message #220 - 08/06/10 06:42 PM I'll need more time to think about this and will have to get back to you. I knew this dilemma was beyond your capability. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #221 - 08/06/10 06:42 PMWould "Ding dong the Witch is dead" count? LMAO!!!! That may be an option!!!! Wine counts as fruit right? Yes, and 5-6 servings daily is recommended by the FDA. Please tell me what you are currently drinking. I MUST have some of that happy juice. I'm just getting my daily allowance of fruit! SlowbutSureMessage #222 - 08/06/10 06:42 PMI knew this dilemma was beyond your capability. MM is just human, she can't work miracles.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:15:46 GMT -5
Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #223 - 08/06/10 06:43 PMI knew this dilemma was beyond your capability. Finding a woman who will willingly go out with you is beyond anyone's capability. Have you ever considered hitting for the other team? SlowbutSureMessage #224 - 08/06/10 06:44 PMDear MM, I would love some wine, but my DH isn't home and my socks keep disappearing from the dryer. What is a girl to do? wvugurl26Message #225 - 08/06/10 06:45 PMMM is just human, she can't work miracles. Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep from busting out laughing in a quiet office? Have you ever considered hitting for the other team? Hilarious! MuscleUp.Message #226 - 08/06/10 06:46 PMDear MM I'm having difficulty with a person. She is known as, "The Witch of EE" She thinks that she is equal to the MuscleUp and always tries to aggravate me. How do I handle her? Is there something I could do that would make her more subservient? The moderators are always on her side and reprimand the MuscleUp. SlowbutSureMessage #227 - 08/06/10 06:46 PMDo you have any idea how hard it is That's what he said. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #228 - 08/06/10 06:47 PMI would love some wine, but my DH isn't home and my socks keep disappearing from the dryer. What is a girl to do? Drink the wine, lock the doors, and wear shoes that don't require socks.
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Virgil Showlion
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[b]leones potest resistere[/b]
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:19:33 GMT -5
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:16:22 GMT -5
SlowbutSureMessage #229 - 08/06/10 06:48 PMDear MM, Why oh why do people ask your advice and not listen? Then, chastise you for said advice? Also, please tell me how to grow up to be just like you. I'm awed by your intelligence and down-to-earth advice. Sincerely, Wanna-Be Witchy Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #230 - 08/06/10 06:48 PMI'm having difficulty with a person. She is known as, "The Witch of EE" She thinks that she is equal to the MuscleUp and always tries to aggravate me. How do I handle her? Is there something I could do that would make her more subservient? The moderators are always on her side and reprimand the MuscleUp. You're male right? And she's female? You will always lose. Accept it and your life will be much more pleasant. wvugurl26Message #231 - 08/06/10 06:49 PMYou will always lose. Accept it and your life will be much more pleasant. Ask Spydah how much more pleasant his life is since he's accepted this fact Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #232 - 08/06/10 06:50 PMWhy oh why do people ask your advice and not listen? Then, chastise you for said advice? Also, please tell me how to grow up to be just like you. I'm awed by your intelligence and down-to-earth advice. Sincerely, Wanna-Be Witchy LMAO Wanna-Be... when you say grow up to be just like me... are you implying I'm old again? Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #233 - 08/06/10 06:50 PMAsk Spydah how much more pleasant his life is since he's accepted this fact LOL!!! Oh Spydah... MuscleUp.Message #234 - 08/06/10 06:50 PMYou're male right? And she's female? You will always lose NOT A GOOD ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Virgil Showlion
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[b]leones potest resistere[/b]
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:19:33 GMT -5
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:16:43 GMT -5
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:17:20 GMT -5
wvugurl26Message #241 - 08/06/10 06:53 PMWell done MM, 6 angry faces. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #242 - 08/06/10 06:53 PMMM got 6 from MU. Practice makes perfect! SlowbutSureMessage #243 - 08/06/10 06:54 PM Both Angel AND MM want me! FunSizeChoclateMessage #244 - 08/06/10 06:55 PMDear MM, I keep getting texts from my friends asking how much freezer space I have. What's up with that? I'm a little scared. Sincerely, STOP TEXTING ME!!! Spydah1Message #245 - 08/06/10 06:56 PMBoth Angel AND MM want me! .....and Spydah! SlowbutSureMessage #246 - 08/06/10 06:56 PMMM got 6 from MU. <<water over monitor>> Nope, I won't tell you where my mind went.
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Virgil Showlion
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[b]leones potest resistere[/b]
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:19:33 GMT -5
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:17:40 GMT -5
FunSizeChoclateMessage #247 - 08/06/10 06:58 PMNope, I won't tell you where my mind went. sextuplets? SlowbutSureMessage #248 - 08/06/10 07:00 PMsextuplets? I was thinking about 9 months before that, but that answer works too! Spydah1Message #249 - 08/06/10 07:04 PMAsk Spydah how much more pleasant his life is since he's accepted this fact The difference is night and day my friend. Dear MM, If wvugurl and I were to meet in RL, would it be good to play "Never Gonna Get It" by En Vogue so I won't have lots of pressure on me to perform? Signed, Hog Tied and Gift Wrapped in Denial FunSizeChoclateMessage #250 - 08/06/10 07:05 PMI was thinking about 9 months before that, but that answer works too! I actually went there 1st too, but sextuplets is meaner. wvugurl26Message #251 - 08/06/10 07:08 PMDear Hog Tied and Gift Wrapped in Denial, I don't think a song is going to help your performance issues. Signed, Always Right Spydah1Message #252 - 08/06/10 07:11 PMI don't think a song is going to help your performance issues. Not even "Get on up" by KC and JoJo??? ETA: Otherwise know as half of the group called Jodeci
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:18:17 GMT -5
MuscleUp.Message #253 - 08/06/10 07:17 PMDear MM There is another poster that aggravates the MuscleUp ( I will diguise her name, pmaws, to protect the guilty ). Pmaws is another poster that thinks of herself as being equal to the MuscleUp and probably suffers from delusions. Will you talk to pmaws (hidden name) and tell her that just because she wears pants and is in a male dominated field, that alone does not make her a man. Thank You. MuscleUp, full of love and good tidings. FunSizeChoclateMessage #254 - 08/06/10 07:23 PMDear MM, Can you explain to me why phrases like "balls to the wall" and "balls out" mean going all out as hard as you can? that sounds kind of painful and more like it'd slow you down? Signed, Very confused metal head Swamp.Message #255 - 08/06/10 07:33 PMPmaws is another poster that thinks of herself as being equal to the MuscleUp and probably suffers from delusions. Dear MM, How do I get Mudsie to realize I'm not equal to him, I'm better? Never mind, it's not worth arguing with him. Carry on. Will you pass me that wine bottle. Thanks a bunch. Signed, Pmaws Omni_NogMessage #256 - 08/06/10 07:45 PMDear MM, I have an enormous fire truck that I would love to share with the "ladies" of EE. I think each of them would enjoy operating the hose and/or sliding down the pole. How can I convey such a message without causing one of the ladies (let's call her WrongSpam) to knock the ba-jeezes out of me with her enormous smite stick? Big and Red Dark bah HumbugMessage #257 - 08/06/10 07:53 PMDear MM, I think I've made a mistake at work and would like to make amends. I like to play a game I call elevator gift. When I'm alone on the elevator and the door opens to get off if nobody is around I'll pass gas before exiting the elevator. I know it's juvenile, but I think it's funny. Anyway, a few days ago I overheard somebody on one of the floors above me complaining about the constant bad smell in the freight elevators. I admit that I laughed at first, but now I feel bad. I'm having trouble finding a Hallmark card for this particular occasion, and sending flowers to another dude seems a little fruity. How should I come clean? Signed, Flatulent Fred in Fayetteville P.S. Is this normal? Several people in my life have told me I need to sit down with somebody, and I'm starting to wonder if they're right. MB-NYMessage #258 - 08/06/10 07:55 PMYou're male right? And she's female? You will always lose. Accept it and your life will be much more pleasant. Dear MM; how much money do you think I could have saved if I had consulted you instead of my divorce lawyer all those years ago? Also, I need to ask another question for a friend. Isn't a White Russian a serving of dairy? Ivan the Unattached
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:18:38 GMT -5
wvugurl26Message #259 - 08/06/10 07:58 PMDear omni, I think the ladies of EE are well aware of your um particular gift and willingness to share it with us. Signed, So Hot I'll Break You FunSizeChoclateMessage #260 - 08/06/10 08:02 PMIsn't a White Russian a serving of dairy? <<swoon>> <<CL tackles MB and gives him lots of big welcome back hugs and kisses>> MB-NYMessage #261 - 08/06/10 08:11 PMThanks CL, but I have to admit this visit is a one-time only deal. I just had to get into this thread somehow, and I'm surprised it worked. I'm actually still blocked from here. Sorry. FunSizeChoclateMessage #262 - 08/06/10 08:15 PMAny visit is better than no visit MB. It's not like I come here often either. (except this week) Saint Tequila Drinks a LotMessage #263 - 08/06/10 08:24 PMI wouldn't hold your breath waiting for Tina to sing for the President Dear MM, Don't be so hasty with your words. Tina's been practicing for quite awhile. I've been practicing Ugly Kid Joe just for this occassion...everyone sing with me:: and I, get sick when I'm around, I, can't stand to be around, I, hate everything about you! everything about you, everything about you, everything about you! FunSizeChoclateMessage #264 - 08/06/10 08:33 PMAwww, Tina, you did that so well!
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Virgil Showlion
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Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:19:33 GMT -5
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:19:14 GMT -5
Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #265 - 08/06/10 08:40 PMI'm firing my secretary... I told her to hold my mail until I got back from lunch!!! I have a lot of catching up to do. I have to give a shout out to MB though for stopping by... YAY!!!! <<MM jumps up and down clapping her hands>> Thank you! So good to see you!!!! IHearYou2Message #266 - 08/06/10 08:42 PMDamn this thing has gotten out of control I think MM needs a ghost writer as a stand in, on second thought no one really wants an answer. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #267 - 08/06/10 08:46 PMThere is another poster that aggravates the MuscleUp ( I will diguise her name, pmaws, to protect the guilty ). Pmaws is another poster that thinks of herself as being equal to the MuscleUp and probably suffers from delusions. Will you talk to pmaws (hidden name) and tell her that just because she wears pants and is in a male dominated field, that alone does not make her a man. Thank You. MuscleUp, full of love and good tidings. She's female, which again, trumps your male. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #268 - 08/06/10 08:47 PMHow do I get Mudsie to realize I'm not equal to him, I'm better? Never mind, it's not worth arguing with him. Carry on. Will you pass me that wine bottle. Thanks a bunch. Signed, Pmaws <<MM passes wine bottle>> Here you go. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #269 - 08/06/10 08:48 PM I have an enormous fire truck that I would love to share with the "ladies" of EE. I think each of them would enjoy operating the hose and/or sliding down the pole. How can I convey such a message without causing one of the ladies (let's call her WrongSpam) to knock the ba-jeezes out of me with her enormous smite stick? Big and Red LMAO!!!! <<Water all over the monitor>> I'll need to get back to you on this one... Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #270 - 08/06/10 08:51 PMI think I've made a mistake at work and would like to make amends. I like to play a game I call elevator gift. When I'm alone on the elevator and the door opens to get off if nobody is around I'll pass gas before exiting the elevator. I know it's juvenile, but I think it's funny. Anyway, a few days ago I overheard somebody on one of the floors above me complaining about the constant bad smell in the freight elevators. I admit that I laughed at first, but now I feel bad. I'm having trouble finding a Hallmark card for this particular occasion, and sending flowers to another dude seems a little fruity. How should I come clean?
Signed, Flatulent Fred in Fayetteville
P.S. Is this normal? Several people in my life have told me I need to sit down with somebody, and I'm starting to wonder if they're right.
Flatulent Fred, If I get on the elevator after you have been on it one more time I'm going to leave a flaming bag of poo on your keyboard!
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:19:35 GMT -5
Dark bah HumbugMessage #271 - 08/06/10 08:56 PMIf I get on the elevator after you have been on it one more time I'm going to leave a flaming bag of poo on your keyboard! So uh... a nice anonymous hallmark card is or isn't a sufficient apology? FunSizeChoclateMessage #272 - 08/06/10 08:59 PMDear MM, MB said to let everyone know that they caught him and walled him back up in the basement. Please visit during normal visiting hours. signed, the messenger SlowbutSureMessage #273 - 08/06/10 09:08 PMI'm firing my secretary... I told her to hold my mail until I got back from lunch!!! I have a lot of catching up to do. If you need someone else, I betcha swamp would graciously let you have someone from her office. FunSizeChoclateMessage #274 - 08/06/10 09:08 PMdear MM, How come you didn't answer my question about balls? Was it something I said? I've sent a case of your favorite Bicyclette wine to you, please accept my apologies. NOW ANSWER MY QUESTION DANGIT!!! signed, Stil Confused Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #275 - 08/06/10 09:14 PMSo uh... a nice anonymous hallmark card is or isn't a sufficient apology?
If you can find a card that says, "I am truly sorry for the vicious assault on your sense of smell. Please accept this $1,000 cash as a token of my sorry... ummm.. ness.... " then you may have a chance. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #276 - 08/06/10 09:17 PM Can you explain to me why phrases like "balls to the wall" and "balls out" mean going all out as hard as you can? that sounds kind of painful and more like it'd slow you down? Signed, Very confused metal head Dear Confused, These phrases are used, because if one's balls were actually to the wall, it would be quite painful and they would like to complete whatever task they are doing as quickly as possible in order to end the pain.
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:20:11 GMT -5
meghn is planning her exit speechMessage #277 - 08/06/10 09:21 PMDear MM, Aren't you supposed to break horses and not men? And what are you trying to break? Their penis? I just don't think that's very nice. Signed, Confused Dark bah HumbugMessage #278 - 08/06/10 09:24 PMLetter to the Editor, I recently took the advice of one of your advice columnists; MM. She had answered a letter about a colloquial phrase "balls to the wall". She indicated in her response that putting ones balls against a wall was a way of making oneself work faster. I found that not only did it slow my work down, but my coworkers are considering filing charges, and there's a very real and dangerous risk of zipper catch. The cool sensation was mildly pleasant, but on the whole I feel this was a horrible way to increase efficiency in the office. I suggest you publish a correction before others take similar action in their workplaces. Signed, Torn and Disappointed in CA FunSizeChoclateMessage #279 - 08/06/10 09:24 PMDear Confused, These phrases are used, because if one's balls were actually to the wall, it would be quite painful and they would like to complete whatever task they are doing as quickly as possible in order to end the pain. Still makes no sense, why put the balls in danger to start with. I'll just have to refer to your men are inferior rule and move on. Pass the wine. FunSizeChoclateMessage #280 - 08/06/10 09:28 PMLetter to the Editor,
I recently took the advice of one of your advice columnists; MM. She had answered a letter about a colloquial phrase "balls to the wall". She indicated in her response that putting ones balls against a wall was a way of making oneself work faster. I found that not only did it slow my work down, but my coworkers are considering filing charges, and there's a very real and dangerous risk of zipper catch. The cool sensation was mildly pleasant, but on the whole I feel this was a horrible way to increase efficiency in the office. I suggest you publish a correction before others take similar action in their workplaces.
Signed, Torn and Disappointed in CA
Gotta give this one a POTD Thanks for trying to figure it out for me Torn. Dark bah HumbugMessage #281 - 08/06/10 09:37 PMThanks for trying to figure it out for me Torn. Glad I could help, but seriously, a zipper can do a surprising amount of damage to sensitive areas so be careful. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #282 - 08/06/10 10:15 PMAren't you supposed to break horses and not men? And what are you trying to break? Their penis? I just don't think that's very nice.
Signed, Confused
Dear Confused, A broken penis is a sad penis. And apparently balls placed on walls is dangerous and painful, but we'll have to defer that one to Torn and Disappointed in California.
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:20:32 GMT -5
Angel 33Message #283 - 08/06/10 10:18 PMDear MM, Does it mean I am old and not "hawt" if I have zero desire to break a man? Sincerley, Perfect size patootie in Michigan. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #284 - 08/06/10 10:19 PMLetter from the Editor: It has been brought to our attention that our popular "Ask Dear MM" section has been receiving a record number of letters this week. We are thrilled that our very own MM has brought so many answers to so many people. However, some of the advice that has been given does not reflect the advice and opinions of the management. And for those of you who aren't aware, MM is always really drunk, so if you do follow her advice you are crazy and do so at your own risk. Yours Truly, Wine & Spirits Magazine Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #285 - 08/06/10 10:21 PMDoes it mean I am old and not "hawt" if I have zero desire to break a man? Sincerley, Perfect size patootie in Michigan. Dear Perfect, it simply means you are smart enough to know that a broken man needs to be disposed of and that can bring a lot of unwanted attention from law enforcement officials and if you don't have any good friends with big freezers you are screwed. SlowbutSureMessage #286 - 08/06/10 10:42 PMIt has been brought to our attention that our popular "Ask Dear MM" section has been receiving a record number of letters this week. We are thrilled that our very own MM has brought so many answers to so many people. However, some of the advice that has been given does not reflect the advice and opinions of the management. And for those of you who aren't aware, MM is always really drunk, so if you do follow her advice you are crazy and do so at your own risk. LOL! POTD And since nobody has said this yet... this thread is TOTY and receives the Walla! Now where is Spydah? I have at least three to give him. MuscleUp.Message #287 - 08/06/10 10:44 PMDear MM I jsut got back from lifting weights. There were girls in the other section doing this funny, hair toss thing. Will you explain and why I can't perform the same swish of my head. Is the girl hair toss something only girls can do? I never see a man doing even though we don't have hair quite that long. Is it hard wired into a girls behavior at birth to perform this trick? MuscleUp, Angel 33Message #288 - 08/06/10 10:44 PMI would prefer to be given
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:21:08 GMT -5
Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #289 - 08/06/10 10:46 PMLOL SbS!!! This thread has been a lot of fun. Kudos to Spyday who started it and everyone who played. Now I need a big ole glass of wine!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?hhhh!!!!!!!!!!! FL cheeseheadMessage #290 - 08/06/10 10:46 PM I have at least three to give him. Awww...SbS wants to flirt again! Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #291 - 08/06/10 10:48 PMI jsut got back from lifting weights. There were girls in the other section doing this funny, hair toss thing. Will you explain and why I can't perform the same swish of my head. Is the girl hair toss something only girls can do? I never see a man doing even though we don't have hair quite that long. Is it hard wired into a girls behavior at birth to perform this trick? MuscleUp Dear MuscleUp, the classic girl hair toss is the universal signal to alert other women to a creepy, unsavory individual in close proximity. If you have witnessed this first hand, I would leave the area immediately before the police show up and arrest you. SlowbutSureMessage #292 - 08/06/10 10:50 PMMM, I've very disappointed in you... You don't need to Cheesy-size your wine glasses. MuscleUp.Message #293 - 08/06/10 10:50 PM,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and I thought they were pointing at my muscles. Dark bah HumbugMessage #294 - 08/06/10 10:53 PMLetter to the Editor (follow up), I found your recent letter to us readers in very poor taste. I had no way of knowing that a fine publication like Wine and Spirits Magazine would allow a drunk to write their advice column. Although in hindsight, I guess it wasn't too big a stretch. Regardless, I suffered real physical and emotional pain from following the advice of your columnist, and I can't help but feel that your reaction was to call me stupid on top of it. I don't find this behavior amusing, and if I was paying for a subscription to your magazine I would cancel it. I will however keep reading the Ask MM section, because she sounds hot and now that I know she's a drunk there's always the possibility of being her drunken mistake. I'm still upset by your reaction though, just so we're clear. Signed, Torn Disappointed, and now Hurt (like emotionally, I was already physically hurt from the zipper thing) in CA
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:21:29 GMT -5
Angel 33Message #295 - 08/06/10 10:55 PMDear MM, A "friend" thinks she MAY have accidentally sent some self "portraits" to the wrong person via text. Is there anyway to UNSEND these portraits? If not, how do I...I mean my "friend" deny it was her in the portraits? Blushing in Michigan. P.s. Meghan in Philly, please delete any text from me before reading. Kthanks. SlowbutSureMessage #296 - 08/06/10 11:12 PMDear MM, It's after 5:00 p.m. on a Friday evening and I have at least another hour of work to do before I can go home. My question is should I stop off at a bar before catching the bus and potentially miss my bus or should I be frugal and go home to drink the bottle of wine and two bottles of mead that are in my fridge. Either way, the fridge has to be emptied sometime this weekend for a possible addition of... ummm meat. BTW, I've already consumed some beverages, so it's not like I'm delaying gratification or anything. Angel 33Message #297 - 08/06/10 11:16 PMDear MM, It is my son's birthday today and he didn't get me a single present!!! Don't you think this is incredibly rude and totally disrespects the fact that I was in labor with him for 79 extremely painful minutes? I tried to explain to him that he should be getting ME presents not the other way around. He isn't buying it. What is a mother to do with such a disrespectful child? Sincerely, No more kiddos for me. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #298 - 08/06/10 11:17 PM,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and I thought they were pointing at my muscles Awww... yeah... sorry to break the news to you. SlowbutSureMessage #299 - 08/06/10 11:17 PMDear MM, I sent a picture of me in a teddy to some friends as a joke. Had a whole email about check out this hot thing in a teddy with a link that would take them to the picture. Thought it would be funny right. I got an email back from somebody that one of my friends forwarded it too, asking if he could publish it to his website. I checked out his website, and as far as I can tell, it's a site entirely devoted to pictures of really skinny guys in drag. Super bizarre. Anyway, I figure I'm a model now since I've more than likely been published. How sweet is that? That has to mean I'm hot now right? I mean, only hot people become models. Signed, Totally Delusional, but Too Hot to Care Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #300 - 08/06/10 11:27 PMI found your recent letter to us readers in very poor taste. I had no way of knowing that a fine publication like Wine and Spirits Magazine would allow a drunk to write their advice column. Although in hindsight, I guess it wasn't too big a stretch. Regardless, I suffered real physical and emotional pain from following the advice of your columnist, and I can't help but feel that your reaction was to call me stupid on top of it. I don't find this behavior amusing, and if I was paying for a subscription to your magazine I would cancel it. I will however keep reading the Ask MM section, because she sounds hot and now that I know she's a drunk there's always the possibility of being her drunken mistake. I'm still upset by your reaction though, just so we're clear.
Signed, Torn Disappointed, and now Hurt (like emotionally, I was already physically hurt from the zipper thing) in CA
Another Letter from the Editor to Torn, Disappointed, and now Hurt and Kinda Dense in CA: Again, the opinions and advice expressed in responses from our Dear MM section does not reflect those of the management. We cannot be held responsible for any injury, physical or otherwise, as a result of following the advice of our resident wino. If you would like to be her drunken mistake, just be forewarned, she does everything drunk and therefore makes a lot of mistakes. As long as you are aware you will not be her first nor her last, then you may proceed. Good luck. And don't let her operate a vehicle or any other heavy machinery.
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:22:05 GMT -5
Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #301 - 08/06/10 11:29 PMA "friend" thinks she MAY have accidentally sent some self "portraits" to the wrong person via text. Is there anyway to UNSEND these portraits? If not, how do I...I mean my "friend" deny it was her in the portraits? Blushing in Michigan. P.s. Meghan in Philly, please delete any text from me before reading. Kthanks. Dear Blushing, My name is not Meghan in Philly, but thank you for the texts. I was worried about funding by children's college education. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #302 - 08/06/10 11:30 PMIt's after 5:00 p.m. on a Friday evening and I have at least another hour of work to do before I can go home. My question is should I stop off at a bar before catching the bus and potentially miss my bus or should I be frugal and go home to drink the bottle of wine and two bottles of mead that are in my fridge. Either way, the fridge has to be emptied sometime this weekend for a possible addition of... ummm meat. BTW, I've already consumed some beverages, so it's not like I'm delaying gratification or anything. Drink now and drink later. It's not rocket science. (And she claims to be an engineer ) Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #303 - 08/06/10 11:32 PMIt is my son's birthday today and he didn't get me a single present!!! Don't you think this is incredibly rude and totally disrespects the fact that I was in labor with him for 79 extremely painful minutes? I tried to explain to him that he should be getting ME presents not the other way around. He isn't buying it. What is a mother to do with such a disrespectful child? Sincerely, No more kiddos for me. Dear No More Kiddos, all children are ungrateful little heathens. Send him to the basement until he is ready to comply. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #304 - 08/06/10 11:32 PMAnd I'm outta here peeps! Have a great weekend! Cheers! Angel 33Message #305 - 08/06/10 11:34 PMHOW am I going to survive the weekend with out Miss M? I won't know what to do without asking her advice first!!!!!! I am skeeered! Saint Tequila Drinks a LotMessage #306 - 08/07/10 12:03 AMOMG, ROFLMAO!! You guys are hysterical...and warped
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:22:26 GMT -5
SlowbutSureMessage #307 - 08/07/10 12:32 AM Says someone who sang Happy Birthday Mr. President to Obama. (If it's on the internet, it must be true!) meghn is planning her exit speechMessage #308 - 08/07/10 01:27 AMP.s. Meghan in Philly, please delete any text from me before reading. Kthanks. Dear Angel... I mean, Blushing in Michigan, What a crock! I didn't get a single nudie text! Signed, Exasperated in PA Omni_NogMessage #309 - 08/07/10 01:46 AMI didn't get a single nudie text!
I will take care of that ASAP! Finally, somebody wants the nudie texts I send them. Angel 33Message #310 - 08/07/10 02:14 AMDear Angel... I mean, Blushing in Michigan, What a crock! I didn't get a single nudie text!
OH CRAP. What am I...I mean what is my "friend" going to do? WTH got the text? TheCropChickMessage #311 - 08/07/10 02:24 AM Spydah1Message #312 - 08/09/10 12:16 PMAnd since nobody has said this yet... this thread is TOTY and receives the Walla! Wow, I am deeply honored! (pulls out prepared speech from pocket) I know we are still in August but this award means alot to me. I would like to thank wvugurl for giving me the spark that I needed back in January and this month. She is smart, funny and that little booty of hers can cause more damage than a runaway train could. I would like to thank MM for being the right person for this job. Her advise and her sense of humor MADE this thread possible. I would like to thank all my friends. I won't name any because I might miss one, but you know who you are. Now where is Spydah? I have at least three to give him. I'm right here darling. LOL SbS!!! This thread has been a lot of fun. Kudos to Spydah who started it and everyone who played. Yes, ladies I'm still single. Hard to believe, right?
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:23:02 GMT -5
Omni_NogMessage #313 - 08/09/10 12:25 PMWTH got the text? Angel/Blushing, thanks for the text. I am viewing it right now ... nekkid. thank wvugurl for giving me the spark I heard she gives good spark. BluerobinMessage #314 - 08/09/10 12:37 PM I didn't get a single nudie text meghn, Blushing was kind enough to give me your number. Prepare to go blind! Angel 33Message #315 - 08/09/10 12:39 PMPoor sweet Megan will never be the same. meghn is planning her exit speechMessage #316 - 08/09/10 01:36 PMFor once I'm glad I left my phone at home! BluerobinMessage #317 - 08/09/10 06:37 PMDear MM, I am about to be a star. Is it mandatory to wear my sunglasses at night? I just have a heck of a time seeing through the sunglasses when it is dark. Should I just toss caution to the wind and go for it? Signed, Future Star. NancyinFLMessage #318 - 08/09/10 06:58 PMDear MM, There is a certain long-running thread that has caused me to snort, guffaw, giggle, and spit Coke/pop/Pepsi/soda and other beverages on the keyboard and monitor. While reading this thread, I have ruined so many computers that they are now stacked around my desk and I can no longer move around my office. This situation makes me look like a hoarder, which of course I am not. What can I do to convince others that the accumulation around my desk is not my fault, and that I am not mentally ill? Signed, Up to My Patootie in Parts
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:23:23 GMT -5
genuine ga peachMessage #319 - 08/09/10 07:30 PMDear MM, I post regularly on a moderated public message board, but that's not a problem (really. I can quit any time. I just don't want to.) I found out over the weekend that one of the moderators is concerned with having enough trunk space...so she changed vehicles. The same message board has had lots of talk about freezer space and body disposal methods. How can I stay on the good side of this moderator? Or how much weight would I need to gain to be too big to be easily disposable? signed hoping to be a Permanent Peach MuscleUp.Message #320 - 08/09/10 07:35 PMI think Margarita is on strike! She probably read in Men's Health that giving too much information is uncharacteristic for a woman. We won't miss her misguided attempts at advice. NancyinFLMessage #321 - 08/09/10 07:46 PMWe won't miss her misguided attempts at advice. Her attempts are well-guided. It's the response of certain posters that is misguided, misconstrued, and, um....misogyinistic. I need a rest. Or some chocolate. That's too many $5 words in a single sentence. genuine ga peachMessage #322 - 08/09/10 07:49 PMWe would miss her marvelous, insightful and entertaining advice. corrected MuscleUp.Message #323 - 08/09/10 07:54 PMTell me the great advice worth remembering that she stated. Her comments were from a feminist viewpoint (which is wholly biased) and did not capture a healthy, rationale approach to thoughtful morality. MuscleUp.Message #324 - 08/09/10 07:56 PMSorry Margarita. Stick to your shoe and wine advice. Maybe you should give advice on these purely womans issues.
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:23:59 GMT -5
Dark bah HumbugMessage #325 - 08/09/10 07:57 PMdid not capture a healthy, rationale approach to thoughtful morality. LOL! Man oh man are you on the wrong message board! NancyinFLMessage #326 - 08/09/10 07:58 PMdid not capture a healthy, rationale approach to thoughtful morality. MUD, MUD, MUD....did you look at the name of the board you were on before typing that? This is EE. Land of the free and home of the unhealthy and irrational and immoral, not necessarily in that order. NancyinFLMessage #327 - 08/09/10 07:58 PMDark, get outta my brain matter, man!!!!!! MuscleUp.Message #328 - 08/09/10 07:59 PMYOU WANT THE TRUTH? ? YOU ASK THE MUSCLEUP!!!!!! I"M HERE FOR YOU. Angel 33Message #329 - 08/09/10 08:01 PMDear MM, I am married to the most amazing man in the world. Unfortunately due to his job we can't be together. I have resorted to actually cleaning my house to pass time and not think about it. I am also starting to run out of wine. Please advise me what I should do. Thanks, Tipsy in Michigan. MuscleUp.Message #330 - 08/09/10 08:03 PMJust go buy another pair of shoes. That will make you feel better. Plus, pop one of those little pills that help you make it through the day. Love, Honor and Obey your husband.
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:24:20 GMT -5
Dark bah HumbugMessage #331 - 08/09/10 08:04 PMYOU WANT THE TRUTH?? YOU ASK THE MUSCLEUP!!!!!! Why not. So, I'm having this dating issue. I'm an incredibly good looking guy, and I'm in great shape. I make a decent amount of money. I should be a catch, but for some reason women are intimidated by me. I don't get many that agree to a date, and the ones that do tend to ditch me at the restaurant before dinner is over. I've switched tactics and started inviting them to go sailing with me instead, but very few of them take me up on it. See, I even have my own boat. What's wrong with these ladies? I think they're scared of what they might do all alone with my awesome presence on a boat. How am I ever going to find somebody to clean my house, cook my meals, and raise my children? Please help. Signed, Lonely Internet Guy genuine ga peachMessage #332 - 08/09/10 08:04 PMDear MM, why do old men get so gripey when they are celibate? signed Fatty Patty Angel 33Message #333 - 08/09/10 08:05 PMI already love and honor my husband. Ok, I will send him a text telling him you gave me permission to go shoe shopping. NancyinFLMessage #334 - 08/09/10 08:06 PMYOU WANT THE TRUTH?? YOU ASK THE MUSCLEUP!!!!!! Those sentences are mutually exclusive, sweetie. And oxymorons. I"M HERE FOR YOU. Thanks for the warning and the head start. UmmboutthatMessage #335 - 08/09/10 08:07 PMDear MM, I work at a very huge campus with several parking lots. one of the buildings close to my building closed leaving the parking lot almost empty. I started parking there and my car is very noticeable, BUT people would have to drive past the parking lot to see it parked there. So 4 months of parking there all by my self until my car was discovered, now people in my department park there, including some managers and my boss. But they are not consistent like I am. They still normally park in their usual area. BUT parking next to me is increasing. Question is should I try to keep them from parking in this section next to me? copy cats are a form of flattery - right? NancyinFLMessage #336 - 08/09/10 08:19 PMDear MM, While in the grocery store this weekend, I was in line behind a woman with perfectly manicured fingernails, perfect hair, a Coach bag, True Religion jeans and an iPhone. She was buying a basket full of crap: chips, candy, soda, crab legs. When it was time for her to pay, she whipped out an EBT card, swiped it, had her groceries bagged and brought out to her spankin' new Escalade. Her five kids, all wearing Gap and Urban Outfitters, were in the car, playing video games and watching movies on their portable DVD players. Should I have slapped the crap out of her while she was in line at the checkout, or decked her outside in front of her kids, to make an example out of her lazy, gubmint money-stealin', welfare-workin' ways? Signed, A p.o'ed. YM-er
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:24:56 GMT -5
Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #337 - 08/09/10 08:35 PM I am about to be a star. Is it mandatory to wear my sunglasses at night? I just have a heck of a time seeing through the sunglasses when it is dark. Should I just toss caution to the wind and go for it? Signed, Future Star Future Star, yes, you must wear sunglasses at night. Just strap a flashlight to your forehead so you can see. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #338 - 08/09/10 08:38 PMThere is a certain long-running thread that has caused me to snort, guffaw, giggle, and spit Coke/pop/Pepsi/soda and other beverages on the keyboard and monitor. While reading this thread, I have ruined so many computers that they are now stacked around my desk and I can no longer move around my office. This situation makes me look like a hoarder, which of course I am not. What can I do to convince others that the accumulation around my desk is not my fault, and that I am not mentally ill? Signed, Up to My Patootie in Parts Dear Up My Patootie... accept responsbility for the junk you have accumulated. However, fix everything up to look only gently used and sell it on Craigslist. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #339 - 08/09/10 08:39 PMDear MM, I post regularly on a moderated public message board, but that's not a problem (really. I can quit any time. I just don't want to.) I found out over the weekend that one of the moderators is concerned with having enough trunk space...so she changed vehicles. The same message board has had lots of talk about freezer space and body disposal methods. How can I stay on the good side of this moderator? Or how much weight would I need to gain to be too big to be easily disposable? signed hoping to be a Permanent Peach Dear hoping, It's been nice knowing you. I will miss you when you are.... ummm... missing. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #340 - 08/09/10 08:39 PMI think Margarita is on strike! Lunch/Strike Tomato/Tomahto/Bloody Mary genuine ga peachMessage #341 - 08/09/10 08:39 PM did MM advise Blue to wear a strap-on? That can't be right. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #342 - 08/09/10 08:41 PMDear MM, I am married to the most amazing man in the world. Unfortunately due to his job we can't be together. I have resorted to actually cleaning my house to pass time and not think about it. I am also starting to run out of wine. Please advise me what I should do. Thanks, Tipsy in Michigan. Dear Tipsy, things are worse than I could have imagined. Cleaning your own house? There is absolutely no excuse for such awful behavior! Quick! Hire a cleaning crew! And buy more wine.
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Virgil Showlion
Distinguished Associate
Moderator
[b]leones potest resistere[/b]
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:19:33 GMT -5
Posts: 27,448
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:25:17 GMT -5
Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #343 - 08/09/10 08:43 PMDear MM, why do old men get so gripey when they are celibate? signed Fatty Patty Fatty Patty, apparently the salad course is much more important to them than we realized. genuine ga peachMessage #344 - 08/09/10 08:43 PMI will miss you when you are.... ummm... missing. wait! Sammy did say I'd never know. SJ said I was buddies with all the mods, so everything will be just fine. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #345 - 08/09/10 08:44 PMDear MM, While in the grocery store this weekend, I was in line behind a woman with perfectly manicured fingernails, perfect hair, a Coach bag, True Religion jeans and an iPhone. She was buying a basket full of crap: chips, candy, soda, crab legs. When it was time for her to pay, she whipped out an EBT card, swiped it, had her groceries bagged and brought out to her spankin' new Escalade. Her five kids, all wearing Gap and Urban Outfitters, were in the car, playing video games and watching movies on their portable DVD players. Should I have slapped the crap out of her while she was in line at the checkout, or decked her outside in front of her kids, to make an example out of her lazy, gubmint money-stealin', welfare-workin' ways? Signed, A p.o'ed. YM-er Dear p.o.'ed, I do appreciate the self-restraint you showed over the weekend. I had just gotten my hair done. So, as a favor to you, I will not shop there anymore. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #346 - 08/09/10 08:46 PMDear MM, I work at a very huge campus with several parking lots. one of the buildings close to my building closed leaving the parking lot almost empty. I started parking there and my car is very noticeable, BUT people would have to drive past the parking lot to see it parked there. So 4 months of parking there all by my self until my car was discovered, now people in my department park there, including some managers and my boss. But they are not consistent like I am. They still normally park in their usual area. BUT parking next to me is increasing. Question is should I try to keep them from parking in this section next to me? copy cats are a form of flattery - right? Answer: You should key their cars and slash their tires if they park next to you. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #347 - 08/09/10 08:46 PMdid MM advise Blue to wear a strap-on? That can't be right. BluerobinMessage #348 - 08/09/10 09:06 PMDear MM, I tried strapping a flashlight to my head. The extra large rubberband is too tight. Do you think if I just hang on to the Robin Girls, in their tight, shiny blue dresses, that would be ok? They claim they can guide me. Signed, Future Star PS, would you bleach your hair blond, get a tight blue dress, wear stilettos and be a Robin girl?
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Virgil Showlion
Distinguished Associate
Moderator
[b]leones potest resistere[/b]
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:19:33 GMT -5
Posts: 27,448
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 30, 2010 9:25:53 GMT -5
NancyinFLMessage #349 - 08/09/10 09:06 PMdid MM advise Blue to wear a strap-on? That can't be right Another thread that I read wrong. I thought it said Blue was supposed to wear a Clapper. You know...Clap On!...Clap Off! I think I need a vacation. Or about 1,000 more pages of this thread. . For MM. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #350 - 08/09/10 09:10 PMDear MM, I tried strapping a flashlight to my head. The extra large rubberband is too tight. Do you think if I just hang on to the Robin Girls, in their tight, shiny blue dresses, that would be ok? They claim they can guide me. Signed, Future Star PS, would you bleach your hair blond, get a tight blue dress, wear stilettos and be a Robin girl? Dear Future Star, I am flattered that you would want me to be a Robin girl. Sure... I'll do that for you! I've always wondered how I'd look as a blonde. Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #351 - 08/09/10 09:11 PMOr about 1,000 more pages of this thread LOL Nancy.. there is no way I could keep up! NancyinFLMessage #352 - 08/09/10 09:22 PMThis thread is a top contender for TOTY. There are a few others that are contenders out of sheer insanity (the wedding dress thread, doow, and the Teri thread, if Teri's went into this year; I cannot recall). Dark bah HumbugMessage #353 - 08/09/10 10:05 PMDear MM, Why didn't the MuscleUp help me with the dating situation I outlined in my previous letter? You know what, never mind. He had his chance. Can you help me? I don't want to die alone. Signed, Lonely Internet Guy Gift Wrapped MargaritaMessage #354 - 08/09/10 10:17 PMDear MM,
Why didn't the MuscleUp help me with the dating situation I outlined in my previous letter? You know what, never mind. He had his chance. Can you help me? I don't want to die alone.
Signed, Lonely Internet Guy
Lonely Internet Guy, MU was unable to help you with your dating situation because he's never been on a date. Sadly he has rarely ever left the confines of his mother's basement. As for your problem you outlined above: I've switched tactics and started inviting them to go sailing with me instead, but very few of them take me up on it. See, I even have my own boat. What's wrong with these ladies? It's not the invitation to go sailing that is the problem. It's the bags of cement mix, duct tape and plastic tarps that you keep in the back seat of your car that is the issue. Oh and introducing them to your "closest friends" is fine as long as these "friends" do not live in your garage.
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