Dear MM...

[Virgil Showlion]

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VirgilBot TP v0.02 Started Thread Port on 12/28/2010

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[Virgil Showlion]

SantaSpydah
Message #1 - 08/05/10 07:05 PM



I was referred to you by WVUgurl. Does 3 s from SBS equal 3 s from MU? I received 3s from SBS this morning and I was wondering if they were of equal weight. Please advise.

 

Spydah from Webbington

Anyone else have any questions for MM, feel free to ask.

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beerwench over 29000 bits of drivel posted
Message #2 - 08/05/10 07:11 PM



(I think she left for lunch Spydah)

Dear MM,

I think I'm in love with one of my cyberfriends. She is constantly drunk on wine, has the mouth of a trucker and can cut a man down in 10 paces. Can't you see why I am so infatuated?!? So, what should I do about it?

Signed,

Drunky

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Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #3 - 08/05/10 07:20 PM

I think I'm in love with one of my cyberfriends. She is constantly drunk on wine, has the mouth of a trucker and can cut a man down in 10 paces. Can't you see why I am so infatuated?!? So, what should I do about it?

  DT's in love with bis...or is it swamp...or maybe MM....or maybe.....

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beerwench over 29000 bits of drivel posted
Message #4 - 08/05/10 07:21 PM

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Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #5 - 08/05/10 07:23 PM



Dear MM,

 

I'm at a loss on how to deal with my bf...he tells one of his cyberfriends how she pretty she is but he never says that to me.  I've told him how upset it makes me, but he tells me I'm crazy....well, lots of people tell me I'm crazy, but that's not the point....

 

How should I handle this?

 

Signed,

 

Gellous McCrazyton

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SlowbutSure
Message #6 - 08/05/10 07:23 PM



Dear MM,

I'm in love with someone.     Unfortunately, this person (let's call her Dee) is in love with a wino.  What should I do?  HELP!

Signed,

Infatuated with

[Virgil Showlion]

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #7 - 08/05/10 07:26 PM



MM

 

I have a hot date on Friday night.  He wants to take me out for Mexican.  How will this effect my Saturday morning constition? 

 

Thanks

 

Gassy McFiberton

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SlowbutSure
Message #8 - 08/05/10 07:27 PM



OMG Ti... I mean Gellous!  LMAO!

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Sparrows sleeping thru the holidays
Message #9 - 08/05/10 07:28 PM

Dear MM,

A certain poster promised me a lovely dinner of cheeseburgers at the IHOP mansion, but he must be out for an extra leisurely constitution today because I've not seen him.

How do I heal this ?

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beerwench over 29000 bits of drivel posted
Message #10 - 08/05/10 07:28 PM

Gassy McFiberton

<---- howling with laughter

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Bluerobin
Message #11 - 08/05/10 07:29 PM



Dear MM,

A fellow poster recently moved and is much closer to me.  I keep having nightmares of meeting this mid aged lady with a haystack on her head.  How can I get rid of this fear? 

Sleeps Poorly?

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Angel 33
Message #12 - 08/05/10 07:31 PM



Dear MM,

 

I have a friend who may or may not have killed a hooker.  She is texting me asking me to asking me if SHE DID have a dead hooker if I would fly to Philly and help her dispose of the body.  She is offering me food and wine if I were to help.  What should I do?

[Virgil Showlion]

Under the Bistletoe
Message #13 - 08/05/10 07:34 PM



Dear MM,

 

I find myself plagued by images of headless people, dead puppies, and Mexican constitutions.  I'm unable to sleep.  How much alcohol will I need to consume to eliminate these visions from my brain?

 

Eagerly awaiting your response.

 

Yours Truly,

Skeeved out in Saskatchewan

 

 

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LB is on the Nice List
Message #14 - 08/05/10 07:35 PM



Dear MM,

If a poster calls one Filthy and Nasty, does it make it true???

 

Cyber-ho

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SlowbutSure
Message #15 - 08/05/10 07:35 PM



Dear MM,

I've been told to stop giggling and laughing at work and to be quiet.  All I'm doing is sitting in front of my computer monitor.   Is it because I'm "loosing" weight that this man is so uptight?

G. U. Ffaw

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Under the Bistletoe
Message #16 - 08/05/10 07:39 PM



Dear MM,

 

I sent all my friends a message asking if they would help me get rid of a dead hooker.  None of them answered.  So my question is....what do I do with the hooker?

 

Signed,

ANONYMOUS

 

 

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Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #17 - 08/05/10 07:39 PM

 but he must be out for an extra leisurely constitution today because I've not seen him

Dear MM,

 

Sounds like one of our fellow EE'rs is facing some constipation during his constitution....should I mail him some prunes???

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Angel 33
Message #18 - 08/05/10 07:39 PM



Dear MM,

I have a seriously creepy dude hiding in my trees and trying to peak in my windows everytime I vacuum.  I have no clue why.  Do you think he wants to borrow my Dyson?  Should I shoot him with my Red Ryder BB gun?  Please advise.

 

Sincerely,

Naked in Suburbia.

[Virgil Showlion]

Omni_Nog
Message #19 - 08/05/10 07:40 PM



Dear MM,

 

     There is a mod out there (I won't mention her name but it rhymes with vaderdoomer) who scares me and turns me on at the same time.  I am not sure if it is because she has the power to discipline me or because of her sordid past with bikers.  I am smitten.  I know she feels the same way because of the pet name she has given me (Mr. Furley).  Please advise.

 

 

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LB is on the Nice List
Message #20 - 08/05/10 07:42 PM



Dear MM

 

I don't understand why today so many threads had to go poof. Help us behave so we can all play and slack again another day....

 

Trying to behave but it ain't easy

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Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #21 - 08/05/10 07:44 PM



Dear MM,

 

I just opened Frank the Impaler's thread and now I have crabs....how should I handle this??

 

 

Signed,

 

Itchy in Indiana

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genuine ga peach
Message #22 - 08/05/10 07:45 PM

Should I shoot him with my Red Ryder BB gun?

NO!  You'll shoot your eye out.

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Under the Bistletoe
Message #23 - 08/05/10 07:47 PM

I just opened Frank the Impaler's thread and now I have crabs....how should I handle this??

Get some mustard sauce?

 

oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh?hhhhhhh.  You mean the other kind.  eeeeeeuuuuuuuwwww! 

 

I'd advise against opening anything form anyone called "The Impaler" in the future.  You ho.

 

 

Sincerely,

Bis.....subbing for MM just this once.

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Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #24 - 08/05/10 07:48 PM

Bis.....subbing for MM just this once.

I'm sure SF won't mind

[Virgil Showlion]

Omni_Nog
Message #25 - 08/05/10 07:48 PM

trying to peak in my windows everytime I vacuum

Don't forget to get the dust bunnies all the way under your couch!  Uh .... I mean ... who would do that?

If a poster calls one Filthy and Nasty, does it make it true???

God, I hope so!

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Under the Bistletoe
Message #26 - 08/05/10 07:52 PM

I'm sure SF won't mind

LOL.  Oh, that reminds me....

 

Dear MM,

 

I have a friend who is one dirty bird.  I mean everything gets turned into sex in her brain.  Everything!  So my question is......how do I make sure to cultivate this friendship into eternity?

 

Lustfully in Louisville

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SlowbutSure
Message #27 - 08/05/10 07:52 PM



Dear MM,

I found a gorgeous, spacious place where lots of my friends can congregate.  IT'S PERFECT!  But, I've been told that I couldn't touch the alcohol that is stacked 5 crates high.  What would you do?  Shouldn't I just drink it and risk being tossed out on my bum by the owner of the place? 

 

Sincerely,

Ho <hic> bo Living in a Five-Head Hotel

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Omni_Nog
Message #28 - 08/05/10 07:55 PM

I mean everything gets turned into sex in her brain.

WHO IS IT?!!!

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973beachbum
Message #29 - 08/05/10 07:56 PM

 Shouldn't I just drink it and risk being tossed out on my bum by the owner of the place? 

Not if you are going to get tossed on top of me!  I do have standards you know. 

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LB is on the Nice List
Message #30 - 08/05/10 07:56 PM



God, I hope so!

 

Well, Omni - I am neither of those things, maybe in your dreams sunshine. You are lucky I'm in a good mood today. So I can take you name calling it's just going to take lots of beer when I get home to get over this

[Virgil Showlion]

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #31 - 08/05/10 07:59 PM



OMG!!!! I am laughing so hard I have tears running down my face!!!!!  Okay.. one at a time.. I'll see what I can do...

 

Spydah from Webbington asks:

 

I was referred to you by WVU. Does 3 s from SBS equal 3 s from MU? I received 3s from SBS this morning and I was wondering if they were of equal weight. Please advise.

Um, no... 3 's from SBS is equal to a  and a .  She is flirting with you so you should definitely ask her on a date, order her a roofie-colada and take it from there.  

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #32 - 08/05/10 08:00 PM



Drunky from Beersville asks:

 

I think I'm in love with one of my cyberfriends. She is constantly drunk on wine, has the mouth of a trucker and can cut a man down in 10 paces. Can't you see why I am so infatuated?!? So, what should I do about it?

Signed,

Drunky

Answer:  I get off work at 5pm.  See you then. 

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FL cheesehead
Message #33 - 08/05/10 08:01 PM

Dear MM,

I am unsure how to deal with my recent ho' status. Does this mean I have to wear stilettos?  Please advise.

Wobbling on the Corner

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Sparrows sleeping thru the holidays
Message #34 - 08/05/10 08:01 PM

Dear MM,

My boyfriend/kidnapper takes me sailing everyday, even though I get seasick.....every time he comes near me. How can i get him to just leave me AND the tire pump home?


Sincerely,

Fatty Patty

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SlowbutSure
Message #35 - 08/05/10 08:02 PM

Um, no... 3 's from SBS is equal to a  and a .  She is flirting with you

MM gets me, she totally gets me.  <swoon>

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #36 - 08/05/10 08:03 PM



Gellous from Isanityland writes:

 

I'm at a loss on how to deal with my bf...he tells one of his cyberfriends how she pretty she is but he never says that to me.  I've told him how upset it makes me, but he tells me I'm crazy....well, lots of people tell me I'm crazy, but that's not the point....

How should I handle this?

Signed,

Gellous McCrazyton

Take your meds and start dating a guy who is fatter and uglier than you.  Rule #1 of dating is to always date down, then they'll be grateful they have you. 

[Virgil Showlion]

Bluerobin
Message #37 - 08/05/10 08:03 PM



Dear MM,

     I wanna buy a ballerina / biker bar.  Now, the owner has decided he was just kidding.  What should I do?

 

Thumper

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Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #38 - 08/05/10 08:03 PM

Take your meds and start dating a guy who is fatter and uglier than you.  Rule #1 of dating is to always date down, then they'll be grateful they have you.

Folks, that right there is Nobel Peace Prize worthy

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genuine ga peach
Message #39 - 08/05/10 08:04 PM



Dear MM,

 

I know this person.  Let's say she lives in CO.  I had my suspicions she could not be trusted, so she's been under surveillance.

 

Last night's surveillance video showed her having a wild time with what appeared to be a knuckle dragging neanderthal!    As she was leaving his bed, she threw a peach pit at him.

 

Girls Gone Bad has already called wanting the video.  Should I sell it to them?  And what percentage do you tip a private investigator who has gone above & beyond?

 

signed -

  I never bought that innocent crap for a minute!

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Under the Bistletoe
Message #40 - 08/05/10 08:04 PM

I am unsure how to deal with my recent ho' status.

hahahahahahahahahaha.  Recent.  *snort*  hahahahahahahahahaha?haha

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #41 - 08/05/10 08:05 PM



Infatuated from Delusional City writes:

 

I'm in love with someone.     Unfortunately, this person (let's call her Dee) is in love with a wino.  What should I do?  HELP!

Signed,

Infatuated with

Move on.  She's with me. 

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #42 - 08/05/10 08:09 PM



Gassy from Stinkon writes:

 

I have a hot date on Friday night.  He wants to take me out for Mexican.  How will this effect my Saturday morning constition? 

Thanks

Gassy McFiberton

Make sure no one else is around and schedule a plumber to come out in the early afternoon and everything should be okay. 

 

ETA: you may want to do about 5 minutes of stretching beforehand.  You know, to avoid injury.

[Virgil Showlion]

SlowbutSure
Message #43 - 08/05/10 08:11 PM



Dear MM,

When someone says that she knows you, does she mean in the biblical sense?  If so, how come I have no memory of this?  And, more importantly, how do I get it to happen again?

Sincerely,

Crazy about Fruit. 

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #44 - 08/05/10 08:12 PM



Sparrow from Paradise writes:

 

A certain poster promised me a lovely dinner of cheeseburgers at the IHOP mansion, but he must be out for an extra leisurely constitution today because I've not seen him.

How do I heal this ?

If he does not come back from his constitution within a reasonable time frame, he will probably be spending the evening in the ER.  I'd make other dinner plans. 

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #45 - 08/05/10 08:13 PM



Sleeps Poorly in Insomniac asks:

 

A fellow poster recently moved and is much closer to me.  I keep having nightmares of meeting this mid aged lady with a haystack on her head.  How can I get rid of this fear? 

Sleeps Poorly?

Carry kerosene and matches with you at all times.

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Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #46 - 08/05/10 08:15 PM

Carry kerosene and matches with you at all times

Dear MM,

 

Was this advice for me, the stalker, or Blue...just want to be clear...

 

Pursilla the Stalking Pyromaniac

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FL cheesehead
Message #47 - 08/05/10 08:15 PM

Is the kerosene really necessary with hay? Wouldn't a slow burn be more entertaining than a flash burn?


Just sayin'

ETA:  You really don't want things to be over too quickly, do you?

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SlowbutSure
Message #48 - 08/05/10 08:18 PM



  How dare you diss the MM.   RESPECT THE MM!

[Virgil Showlion]

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #49 - 08/05/10 08:18 PM



Angel from Accessorytomurdertow?n writes:

 

I have a friend who may or may not have killed a hooker.  She is texting me asking me to asking me if SHE DID have a dead hooker if I would fly to Philly and help her dispose of the body.  She is offering me food and wine if I were to help.  What should I do?

Ummm... she's serving wine.  Why aren't you already on your way?

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Bluerobin
Message #50 - 08/05/10 08:18 PM



Dear MM,

The other day, I thought my worst nightmares had come to life.  This tall woman, wearing heels got outta an SUV.  Kinda in shape, with a big butt.  As I purused the scenery, I was sure it was the poster.  Alas, no haystack.  Whew.  I am kinda old and may not be able to run after her with the Kerosene.  It is ok to taser or shoot her first, to slow her down?

Signed,

I just gotta get some sleep.

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #51 - 08/05/10 08:22 PM



Skeeved out in Saskatchewan writes:

 

I find myself plagued by images of headless people, dead puppies, and Mexican constitutions.  I'm unable to sleep.  How much alcohol will I need to consume to eliminate these visions from my brain?

Eagerly awaiting your response.

Yours Truly,

Skeeved out in Saskatchewan

You need to drink enough alcohol today so you can pass out, but not so much that you don't leave yourself enough to do the same every day for the next 10 years or so. 

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #52 - 08/05/10 08:23 PM



Cyber-ho from Skankytown asks:

 

If a poster calls one Filthy and Nasty, does it make it true???

Cyber-ho

Only if you are doing it right.

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #53 - 08/05/10 08:24 PM



G. U. Ffaw from the Island of Nod writes:

 

I've been told to stop giggling and laughing at work and to be quiet.  All I'm doing is sitting in front of my computer monitor.   Is it because I'm "loosing" weight that this man is so uptight?

G. U. Ffaw

It has nothing to do with you "loosing" weight.  You work with a bunch of engineers.  They have no sense of humor.  You need to make a career change.

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #54 - 08/05/10 08:26 PM



ANONYMOUS from Scarytown writes:

 

I sent all my friends a message asking if they would help me get rid of a dead hooker.  None of them answered.  So my question is....what do I do with the hooker?

Signed,

ANONYMOUS

Find a freezer large enough to hold the body until you can dispose of it. I think Kent may have some suggestions for you.  Oh, and quit texting me!

[Virgil Showlion]

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #55 - 08/05/10 08:26 PM

You need to make a career change.

That is really bad advice...you need to keep laughing hysterically at work, get fired and let the government support you.  Sheesh, what kind of crackjack advice is MM giving??

 

Signed,

 

Obamalover

 

 

 

<Tina runs before her liberal friends start whipping crocs at her>

 

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #56 - 08/05/10 08:27 PM

Sounds like one of our fellow EE'rs is facing some constipation during his constitution....should I mail him some prunes???

Extra spicey food usually does the trick!

---

Swamp.
Message #57 - 08/05/10 08:28 PM

Extra spicey food usually does the trick!

add some draft beer and you're golden!

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #58 - 08/05/10 08:30 PM



Naked in Suburbia writes:

 

I have a seriously creepy dude hiding in my trees and trying to peak in my windows everytime I vacuum.  I have no clue why.  Do you think he wants to borrow my Dyson?  Should I shoot him with my Red Ryder BB gun?  Please advise.

Sincerely,

Naked in Suburbia.

Invite him inside. He will cease being the creepy dude in the trees. 

---

meghn is planning her exit speech
Message #59 - 08/05/10 08:30 PM

I have a friend who may or may not have killed a hooker.  She is texting me asking me to asking me if SHE DID have a dead hooker if I would fly to Philly and help her dispose of the body.  She is offering me food and wine if I were to help.  What should I do?

Get your ass to Philly is what you do!

---

FunSizeChoclate
Message #60 - 08/05/10 08:30 PM



Dear MM,

 

None of my friends will answer my texts anymore and I can't afford a new chest freezer.  What should I do with all this extra, um.......meat I have to put in it?

 

 

signed,

 

Nunya Beeswax

[Virgil Showlion]

Under the Bistletoe
Message #61 - 08/05/10 08:31 PM



Dear MM,

 

I find myself really missing a poster by the name of Sam Jones.  Do you think if I just slapped myself in the face and yelled "stupid old whore" I would get the same warm, fuzzy feeling I had when he was around?

 

Sincerely,

 

Lonely Masochist

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Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #62 - 08/05/10 08:32 PM



  Mr. Furley from the Reagle Beagle writes:

 

  There is a mod out there (I won't mention her name but it rhymes with vaderdoomer) who scares me and turns me on at the same time.  I am not sure if it is because she has the power to discipline me or because of her sordid past with bikers.  I am smitten.  I know she feels the same way because of the pet name she has given me (Mr. Furley).  Please advise.

Every time you post, use superfluous "u"s at inappropriate times.  She won't be able to resist.  Oh, and always end your sentences with "eh?". 

---

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #63 - 08/05/10 08:32 PM

None of my friends will answer my texts anymore and I can't afford a new chest freezer.  What should I do with all this extra, um.......meat I have to put in it?

MM's a little busy so let me take this one:

 

Dear Nunya in Serial Killer Alley:

 

The solution seems quite obvious to me.  Cut up the meat and take it to the food bank.  Who says we can't benefit from the poor?

---

Swamp.
Message #64 - 08/05/10 08:32 PM

I find myself really missing a poster by the name of Sam Jones.  Do you think if I just slapped myself in the face and yelled "stupid old whore" I would get the same warm, fuzzy feeling I had when he was around?

I think you need to invade the sacred golden temple to get that same warm fuzzy feeling.

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #65 - 08/05/10 08:33 PM



Delusional in Crazyville asks:

 

I don't understand why today so many threads had to go poof. Help us behave so we can all play and slack again another day....

Trying to behave but it ain't easy

You're asking me how to behave? It's like you don't even know me...

---

Swamp.
Message #66 - 08/05/10 08:33 PM

None of my friends will answer my texts anymore

I did text you back!

 

 

 

 

[Virgil Showlion]

SlowbutSure
Message #67 - 08/05/10 08:34 PM

you need to keep laughing hysterically at work, get fired and let the government support you. 

Is that why you are "working" at home today?  

---

FunSizeChoclate
Message #68 - 08/05/10 08:34 PM

I think you need to invade the sacred golden temple to get that same warm fuzzy feeling.

I was thinking she could hang out at any of our other lovely establishments such as P&M or MT.  Or maybe argue with doow about how wonderful Toyota is.

---

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #69 - 08/05/10 08:35 PM

Is that why you are "working" at home today

I think you're using the word "working" pretty loosely

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #70 - 08/05/10 08:35 PM

I'd advise against opening anything form anyone called "The Impaler" in the future.  You ho.

Sincerely,

Bis.....subbing for MM just this once.

Well done! Thanks!

---

Swamp.
Message #71 - 08/05/10 08:35 PM

I think you're using the word "working" pretty loosely

loose like your constitutions?

---

meghn is planning her exit speech
Message #72 - 08/05/10 08:35 PM



Dear MM,

I have a terrible dilemma: I keep breaking men! I don't know what's happening! One minute we're at the bar having drinks, but when I go to touch him he breaks in half. What am I doing wrong?!

 

Signed,

Brute Force?

[Virgil Showlion]

Swamp.
Message #73 - 08/05/10 08:36 PM

I keep breaking men! I don't know what's happening! One minute we're at the bar having drinks, but when I go to touch him he breaks in half. What am I doing wrong?!

absolutely nothing.

---

FunSizeChoclate
Message #74 - 08/05/10 08:36 PM

The solution seems quite obvious to me.  Cut up the meat and take it to the food bank.  Who says we can't benefit from the poor?

  I'll make barbeque and have a benefit!

 

I did text you back!

Asking me if I have room in my freezer isn't the same as making room in your for my extra meat.

 

And you were the only one who thought of me, so thank you.

---

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #75 - 08/05/10 08:36 PM

loose like your constitutions

Dear MM,

 

Should I cut back on the prunes???

---

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #76 - 08/05/10 08:37 PM

I'll make barbeque and have a benefit!

If by "benefit" you me drinking fund, I say EXCELLENT!

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #77 - 08/05/10 08:38 PM



Lustfully in Louisville writes:

 

I have a friend who is one dirty bird.  I mean everything gets turned into sex in her brain.  Everything!  So my question is......how do I make sure to cultivate this friendship into eternity?

Lustfully in Louisville

Does she go by the name "Drunky"?  I hear if you keep her supplied with beer, she will be your friend for life!  

---

FunSizeChoclate
Message #78 - 08/05/10 08:40 PM

If by "benefit" you mean drinking fund, I say EXCELLENT!

Well, DUH!  Have you forgotten so much about me so soon???

[Virgil Showlion]

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #79 - 08/05/10 08:40 PM



Hicbo from Cranium 5 asks:

 

I found a gorgeous, spacious place where lots of my friends can congregate.  IT'S PERFECT!  But, I've been told that I couldn't touch the alcohol that is stacked 5 crates high.  What would you do?  Shouldn't I just drink it and risk being tossed out on my bum by the owner of the place? 

Sincerely,

Ho <hic> bo Living in a Five-Head Hotel

I would respect the owner's wishes and not TOUCH the alcohol... and stop shouting. 

---

Under the Bistletoe
Message #80 - 08/05/10 08:41 PM

I keep breaking men! I don't know what's happening! One minute we're at the bar having drinks, but when I go to touch him he breaks in half. What am I doing wrong?!

Ease up on the spinach there, Popeye.  And stop dating dainty dudes.

 

 

---

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #81 - 08/05/10 08:42 PM

And stop dating dainty dudes.

  Loop is going to kick her arse

 

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #82 - 08/05/10 08:43 PM



Wobbling in Hookerton asks:

 

I am unsure how to deal with my recent ho' status. Does this mean I have to wear stilettos?  Please advise.

Wobbling on the Corner

Yes, you must wear the stilettos but take the EE Short Bus to make your rounds.  Or perhaps Blue can give you a piggy back ride.

---

beerwench over 29000 bits of drivel posted
Message #83 - 08/05/10 08:44 PM



Dear MM,

 

I have to walk away from my computer. Try not to be too funny/witty/sarcastic until I get back.

Huggles!

Drunky

---

FunSizeChoclate
Message #84 - 08/05/10 08:45 PM



Dear MM,

 

 

I once saw this picture of a guy in a Santa teddy and I can't get it out of my mind.  How do I stop getting nauseated (for you Meg) when I think of Christmas?  The kids will be so disappointed if I have to cancel it.

 

Sincerly,

 

Burned Retinas

[Virgil Showlion]

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #85 - 08/05/10 08:45 PM



Fatty Patty from the City of Hotair asks"

 

My boyfriend/kidnapper takes me sailing everyday, even though I get seasick.....every time he comes near me. How can i get him to just leave me AND the tire pump home?

Sincerely,

Fatty Patty

During the salad course, take your fork and poke a tiny hole at the end of your big toe on your right foot.  

---

Angel 33
Message #86 - 08/05/10 08:48 PM



Dear MM,

I have a friend that keeps sending me pictures of himself in various "sexy" poses, and teddies.  He also sends pictures of him with his manequins.  I have had to seak therapy because I just can't get the images out of my head.  Should he be responsible for my therapy bills or should I send them to his wife since I think she is the one actually behind the camera?

Please advise.

 

Too Many voices in MI

 

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #87 - 08/05/10 08:49 PM



Thumper from Meadow asks:

 

 

I wanna buy a ballerina / biker bar.  Now, the owner has decided he was just kidding.  What should I do?

Thumper

Ask ANONYMOUS what type of freezer they just purchased.

---

Angel 33
Message #88 - 08/05/10 08:50 PM



Dear MM,

I think Chocolate Lover has moved into my head.  How long does it take to evict a drunk crazy person?

 

Sincerely,

It is getting crowded in MI.

---

FL cheesehead
Message #89 - 08/05/10 08:50 PM

  Or perhaps Blue can give you a piggy back ride.

Yeah...I think a piggyback ride might be good if my feet hurt too much...is it okay if my um...er...um...gee...am I too delicate for this now-found status?

Yes, you must wear the stilettos but take the EE Short Bus to make your rounds.

Presumably I should not have Dani teach me how to wobble in stilettos? 

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #90 - 08/05/10 08:52 PM



I never bought that crap in No_BS asks:

 

I know this person.  Let's say she lives in CO.  I had my suspicions she could not be trusted, so she's been under surveillance.

Last night's surveillance video showed her having a wild time with what appeared to be a knuckle dragging neanderthal!    As she was leaving his bed, she threw a peach pit at him.

Girls Gone Bad has already called wanting the video.  Should I sell it to them?  And what percentage do you tip a private investigator who has gone above & beyond?

signed -

  I never bought that innocent crap for a minute!

Send me the video.

[Virgil Showlion]

FunSizeChoclate
Message #91 - 08/05/10 08:52 PM



Dear MM,

 

Why is Angel complaining that I'm in her head when I posted it first? Clearly she's in mine, not the other way around.  Would you please advice her on proper head living etiquette?

 

And why is Cheesy being picky about who teaches her to walk in stilettos?

 

Sincerely,

 

WTE is wrong with people

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #92 - 08/05/10 08:53 PM



Crazy about Fruit in Rainbow City asks:

 

When someone says that she knows you, does she mean in the biblical sense?  If so, how come I have no memory of this?  And, more importantly, how do I get it to happen again?

Sincerely,

Crazy about Fruit

Unisom-tini's usually do the trick.

---

SlowbutSure
Message #93 - 08/05/10 08:54 PM



Dear MM,

If I have to finish reviewing a report, write another report and get ready for a last-minute (as of 5 minutes ago) trip out of town next week by the end of the day, how much more of my day should be spent on EE?

Sincerely,

Setting Priorities.

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #94 - 08/05/10 08:55 PM



Gotta get some sleep asks:

 

The other day, I thought my worst nightmares had come to life.  This tall woman, wearing heels got outta an SUV.  Kinda in shape, with a big butt.  As I purused the scenery, I was sure it was the poster.  Alas, no haystack.  Whew.  I am kinda old and may not be able to run after her with the Kerosene.  It is ok to taser or shoot her first, to slow her down?

Signed,

I just gotta get some sleep.

I would recommend the taser and something shiny to distract her.

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #95 - 08/05/10 08:57 PM



Pursilla asks:

 

Was this advice for me, the stalker, or Blue...just want to be clear...

Pursilla the Stalking Pyromaniac

Whoever can get to the kerosene first... I would maybe wear some ballerina shoes to distract him a bit.

---

FL cheesehead
Message #96 - 08/05/10 08:58 PM

how much more of my day should be spent on EE?

Setting Priorities.

If MM doesn't mind, I'll answer this one.  Change your name.  Setting Priorities is way too ambitious for EE. 

[Virgil Showlion]

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #97 - 08/05/10 09:02 PM

None of my friends will answer my texts anymore and I can't afford a new chest freezer.  What should I do with all this extra, um.......meat I have to put in it?

signed,

Nunya Beeswax

Nunya, Tina actually gave you the same advice I would have given.  I also like the barbecue idea.  But if the "meat" is also the "friends" you are trying to text, I could see why you may not be getting any responses. 

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #98 - 08/05/10 09:06 PM



Lonely Masochist asks:

 

I find myself really missing a poster by the name of Sam Jones.  Do you think if I just slapped myself in the face and yelled "stupid old whore" I would get the same warm, fuzzy feeling I had when he was around?

Sincerely,

Lonely Masochist

That's a start.  And after yelling "stupid old whore" you need to take off all of your clothes and make your man a sammich!!!  And refer to yourself in the third person.  That ought to do the trick.

---

FL cheesehead
Message #99 - 08/05/10 09:07 PM

Dear MM,

If I don't have a freezer, is it okay to feed the gator in the back yard? 

Signed,

Waste Not Want Not

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #100 - 08/05/10 09:08 PM

I have a terrible dilemma: I keep breaking men! I don't know what's happening! One minute we're at the bar having drinks, but when I go to touch him he breaks in half. What am I doing wrong?!

Signed,

Brute Force?

Dear Brute Force, stop dating men that are made out of pretzels. 

---

FunSizeChoclate
Message #101 - 08/05/10 09:08 PM

But if the "meat" is also the "friends" you are trying to text, I could see why you may not be getting any responses. 

Why would I get rid of the people I'm counting on to help me dispose of dead hooker, I mean, "meat"?  How stupid do you think I am?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(think carefully before answering, I have a large freezer)

---

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #102 - 08/05/10 09:09 PM

Tears are literally rolling down my face right now......

[Virgil Showlion]

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #103 - 08/05/10 09:10 PM



Burned Retinas asks:

 

I once saw this picture of a guy in a Santa teddy and I can't get it out of my mind.  How do I stop getting nauseated (for you Meg) when I think of Christmas?  The kids will be so disappointed if I have to cancel it.

Sincerly,

Burned Retinas

Stick an ice pick in your ear for about 3 minutes.  You'll forget about the mental image for at least 10 seconds. 

---

FunSizeChoclate
Message #104 - 08/05/10 09:11 PM

Stick an ice pick in your ear for about 3 minutes.  You'll forget about the mental image for at least 10 seconds. 

I tried that with the "bug infestataion" picture the same guy posted, it didn't work.  <<shudder>>

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #105 - 08/05/10 09:13 PM



Too Many voices in MI asks:

 

I have a friend that keeps sending me pictures of himself in various "sexy" poses, and teddies.  He also sends pictures of him with his manequins.  I have had to seak therapy because I just can't get the images out of my head.  Should he be responsible for my therapy bills or should I send them to his wife since I think she is the one actually behind the camera?

Please advise.

Too Many voices in MI

Don't be silly... you need to send the therapy bills to the dressforms.  They're the only ones responsible enough to pay their bills.

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #106 - 08/05/10 09:13 PM

I tried that with the "bug infestataion" picture the same guy posted, it didn't work.  <<shudder>

Try the other ear... duh!   

---

FunSizeChoclate
Message #107 - 08/05/10 09:16 PM

Try the other ear... duh!   

I kinda lost a bit of motor control on that side when I did the ice pick thing the 1st time.

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #108 - 08/05/10 09:21 PM

I kinda lost a bit of motor control on that side when I did the ice pick thing the 1st time.

Pfft... who needs motor control?  Stop being such a big crybaby...

[Virgil Showlion]

FL cheesehead
Message #109 - 08/05/10 09:22 PM

And why is Cheesy being picky about who teaches her to walk in stilettos?

Apparently there was some poster or another here who could hardly walk down the street barefoot without spraining an ankle, much less wear heels!

---

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #110 - 08/05/10 09:24 PM

who needs motor control?

I dont know about motor control, but I need bladder control on this thread!

---

FunSizeChoclate
Message #111 - 08/05/10 09:25 PM

Apparently there was some poster or another here who could hardly walk down the street barefoot without spraining an ankle, much less wear heels!

Did you get her drunk and give her stiettos?

 

Pfft... who needs motor control?  Stop being such a big crybaby...

But, I can't get it up far enough!

 

 

Oh did I mention it also screwed me up so much that I thought the parachute pants and argyle socks were hot?

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #112 - 08/05/10 09:30 PM

I dont know about motor control, but I need bladder control on this thread!

And constitution control? 

---

FL cheesehead
Message #113 - 08/05/10 09:30 PM

But, I can't get it up far enough!

That's what HE said!

---

FL cheesehead
Message #114 - 08/05/10 09:31 PM

I thought the parachute pants and argyle socks were hot?

Does this mean I should change DH's wardrobe?

[Virgil Showlion]

SlowbutSure
Message #115 - 08/05/10 09:40 PM

I can't get it up far enough!

That's what HE said.

 

Dear MM:

If I hadn't read something someone wrote ten minutes before me, am I still funny? 

 

---

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #116 - 08/05/10 10:23 PM



Dear MM,

 

I have a broyfriend and none of my friends can accept my relationship with him.  What should I do?

 

Signed,

 

I Love Bubba

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #117 - 08/05/10 10:26 PM

Dear MM:

If I hadn't read something someone wrote ten minutes before me, am I still funny? 

As long as you keep your hands off my wine, I will always laugh at your jokes.

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #118 - 08/05/10 10:27 PM

Dear MM,

I have a broyfriend and none of my friends can accept my relationship with him.  What should I do?

Signed,

I Love Bubba

Dear I Love Bubba, move to either Arkansas or West Virginia.  They won't judge you.

---

Sparrows sleeping thru the holidays
Message #119 - 08/05/10 10:27 PM

I have a broyfriend

Isn't that illegal in MOST states?

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #120 - 08/05/10 10:31 PM

Isn't that illegal in MOST states?

Hence my recommendations... I think parts of Florida are okay too... but way up north in the panhandle...

[Virgil Showlion]

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #121 - 08/05/10 10:35 PM



Dear MM,

 

After your thoughtful advice, Bubba and I decided to get hitched....What do you think of "If Lovin' You is Wrong, I don't Wanna Be Right" as our wedding song?

 

Signed,

 

Bubbas Future Wife

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #122 - 08/05/10 10:45 PM



Bubbas Future Wife asks:

 

After your thoughtful advice, Bubba and I decided to get hitched....What do you think of "If Lovin' You is Wrong, I don't Wanna Be Right" as our wedding song?

Signed,

Bubbas Future Wife

I actually think the song from an obscure brown jug hillbilly band entitled, "If loving you is illegal in 48 states, then I'd rather be a felon than your brother" would be better suited for such an occassion. 

---

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #123 - 08/05/10 10:57 PM

actually think the song from an obscure brown jug hillbilly band entitled, "If loving you is illegal in 48 states, then I'd rather be a felon than your brother" would be better suited for such an occassion.

<margarita all over the monitor>  Seriously laughing out loud again! 

---

SlowbutSure
Message #124 - 08/05/10 10:58 PM



Dear MM,

I fear I may be channeling a poster every time I see the word loose instead of lose.   I'm beating the computer and starting to have nightmares. Is there a cure for this ailment?  (Note, drinking unfortunately is not the answer, it is forbidden in my current accommodations. )

Sincerely,

Two spaces at the end of each sentence

---

SlowbutSure
Message #125 - 08/05/10 10:58 PM

<margarita all over the monitor>

That's what Omni wants to say. 

---

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #126 - 08/05/10 11:00 PM

drinking unfortunately is not the answer

I'm not following......

[Virgil Showlion]

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #127 - 08/05/10 11:01 PM

I fear I may be channeling a poster every time I see the word loose instead of lose.   I'm beating the computer and starting to have nightmares. Is there a cure for this ailment?  (Note, drinking unfortunately is not the answer, it is forbidden in my current accommodations. )

Sincerely,

Two spaces at the end of each sentence

Dear Two Spaces, try the ice pick in the ear that I suggested to Burned Retinas above...

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #128 - 08/05/10 11:02 PM

That's what Omni wants to say. 

---

SlowbutSure
Message #129 - 08/05/10 11:02 PM



Dear MM,

A friend of mine is getting married.  Although I'm really happy that she's in love, I don't approve of her fiance.  So, should I bring KFC to the reception or splurge on Popeyes? 

Sincerely,

Betty Jo Lo Sue's BFF

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #130 - 08/05/10 11:04 PM

A friend of mine is getting married.  Although I'm really happy that she's in love, I don't approve of her fiance.  So, should I bring KFC to the reception or splurge on Popeyes? 

Sincerely,

Betty Jo Lo Sue's BFF

Dear BJ.. that's a toughie... maybe just bring some bbq'd roadkill - hillbillies don't have a very well developed palate anyways. 

---

H0RATIO
Message #131 - 08/05/10 11:08 PM

Anyone else have any questions for MM, feel free to ask.

I have a complaint about MM.  Are they okay here?  After reading about her "taco night"  in that one gross thread,  I now think of her as just a drunk, corporate type.   So sad.

---

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #132 - 08/05/10 11:08 PM

If loving you is illegal in 48 states, then I'd rather be a felon than your brother" would be better suited for such an occassion.

Dear MM,

 

I don't think the band can count to 48...can we just say "illegal in most states"?

 

Bubba's sister/fiance

[Virgil Showlion]

Saint Tequila Drinks a Lot
Message #133 - 08/05/10 11:09 PM

I now think of her as just a drunk, corporate type.

So you get her...you really get her

 

 

but you're still buying us drinks, right???

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #134 - 08/05/10 11:10 PM

I have a complaint about MM.  Are they okay here?  After reading about her "taco night"  in that one gross thread,  I now think of her as just a drunk, corporate type.   So sad.

Awwwwwwwww.. Horatio...........   

 

 would it help if I told you I was only joking?

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #135 - 08/05/10 11:11 PM

I don't think the band can count to 48...can we just say "illegal in most states"?

LOL!!! Sure... that will work too...

---

meghn is planning her exit speech
Message #136 - 08/05/10 11:12 PM

If loving you is illegal in 48 states, then I'd rather be a felon than your brother" would be better suited for such an occassion.

Dear MM,

I don't think the band can count to 48...can we just say "illegal in most states"?

 Bubba's sister/fiance

You could always switch to "Loving you is easy because mom and dad had us share the same room."

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #137 - 08/05/10 11:15 PM

You could always switch to "Loving you is easy because mom and dad had us share the same room."

<<Water all over the monitor!!!>>  LMAO!!!!!

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #138 - 08/05/10 11:17 PM

You could always switch to "Loving you is easy because mom and dad had us share the same room."

Or "I can't get you off of my mind, because we're conjoined at the head but I still want to marry you"

[Virgil Showlion]

Spydah1
Message #139 - 08/05/10 11:20 PM



Dear MM,

A friend texted me while I was on the road. Should I reply while I'm still on the road or should I wait until I finish my beer?

Sincerely,

Richard Woodcock

---

FL cheesehead
Message #140 - 08/05/10 11:23 PM

Dear MM:

If I hadn't read something someone wrote ten minutes before me, am I still funny? 

As long as you keep your hands off my wine, I will always laugh at your jokes. 

That's alright SbS, we know you are slow on the uptake and we make allowances for you! ( might have something to do with that engineering degree)  

---

FL cheesehead
Message #141 - 08/05/10 11:25 PM

So, should I bring KFC to the reception or splurge on Popeyes? 

You probably should ask 97 this one, she seems to be the expert!

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #142 - 08/05/10 11:25 PM

Dear MM,

A friend texted me while I was on the road. Should I answer while I'm still on the road or should I wait until I finish my beer?

Sincerely,

Richard Woodcock

Dear Dick... you have two hands right?  Use one for holding your beer, the other for texting.  Anything else that would require your hands, you would need to pull over for... any other questions? 

---

Spydah1
Message #143 - 08/05/10 11:33 PM

any other questions?

Yes. A friend my mine told me a secret because he trusts me alot. He said his temple is no longer sacred. I am having trouble keeping this to myself. What the E should I do???

 

Sincerely,

Richard Woodcock

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #144 - 08/05/10 11:36 PM

Yes. A friend my mine told me a secret because he trusts me alot. He said his temple is no longer sacred. I am having trouble keeping this to myself. What the E should I do???

Sincerely,

Richard Woodcock

Keeping a friend's confidence is very stressful on you.  You should share the news with us.  It will make you feel better. 

[Virgil Showlion]

Swamp.
Message #145 - 08/05/10 11:40 PM

Keeping a friend's confidence is very stressful on you.  You should share the news with us. 

I think he should post pictures too.  You know, as a therapeutic tool.

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #146 - 08/05/10 11:59 PM

I think he should post pictures too.  You know, as a therapeutic tool.

Good idea! 

---

SlowbutSure
Message #147 - 08/06/10 12:11 AM



Dear MM,

I found a fabulous emerald green teddy.  How hot would it be if I... I mean my wife dresses up for St. Patrick's Day?

Sincerely,

Sexy in Cali

---

Swamp.
Message #148 - 08/06/10 12:13 AM

I found a fabulous emerald green teddy.  How hot would it be if I... I mean my wife dresses up for St. Patrick's Day?

Coupled with chunky black wedges with a gold buckle, you'd look divine.

---

--apple
Message #149 - 08/06/10 01:45 AM



Dear MM,

  Reading this thread I've lost a few pounds (so I'll have to buy new clothes) and have shorted out my laptop from getting coke all over the monitor.  Who should I sue to pay for this financial inconvenience?

 

Signed,

  Notmy Fault

---

laterbloomer
Message #150 - 08/06/10 02:14 AM



This thread qualifies as brilliant. Good work folks!

[Virgil Showlion]

Spydah1
Message #151 - 08/06/10 02:29 AM

This thread qualifies as brilliant. Good work folks!

She loves me, she really loves me!

 

---

FL cheesehead
Message #153 - 08/06/10 09:47 AM

This thread qualifies as brilliant. Good work folks!

Spydah dropped one of the best threads in a long time!

---

beerwench over 29000 bits of drivel posted
Message #154 - 08/06/10 12:21 PM

My neighbor is about 5-6 years older than me and from Buffalo, NY.

Was I used?

If her last name is "Beerwench" then odds are good it's a YES!

---

wvugurl26
Message #155 - 08/06/10 12:23 PM



Dear Confused in Connecticut:

 

I thought you liked being used and abused?

---

beerwench over 29000 bits of drivel posted
Message #156 - 08/06/10 12:28 PM



I feel a Ceremony coming on.....

AHEM.......for her deftness at making all of us ROTFLSHIPALOT, I dub MM Guild Jester!! Tina deserves it too, so I guess we'll have two Jesters. Seems kinda appropriate for this place.

To Tina, I dub thee Guild Jester as well!

[Virgil Showlion]

SlowbutSure
Message #157 - 08/06/10 01:30 PM



 Someone's a little confused and thinks MM reads MB , but what the heck... 

 

Dear MM,

 

After your thoughtful advice, Bubba and I decided to get hitched....What do you think of "If Lovin' You is Wrong, I don't Wanna Be Right" as our wedding song?

If no one minds, I'd like to take a shot at answering one of these.

 

That song would be OK.  I guess it  beats "Having My Baby".

 

Signed;

Advice from Afar on the Web.

---

Spydah1
Message #159 - 08/06/10 01:32 PM



I MM awake yet?

Can we focus on my neighbor's bush?

---

genuine ga peach
Message #160 - 08/06/10 01:34 PM



Dear Spydah:

 



 

please do NOT return them. 

---

wvugurl26
Message #162 - 08/06/10 01:36 PM

please do NOT return them. 

<<water on monitor>>

---

beerwench over 29000 bits of drivel posted
Message #163 - 08/06/10 01:36 PM



LOL peach!

 

What I want to know is what does her hailing from Buffalo have to do with it? Hmmmmm??

---

genuine ga peach
Message #164 - 08/06/10 01:44 PM



Dear Bushy in Buffalo:

don't take things so personally.  I'm sure it was just a coincidence.

 

enjoy a day at the spa on me.  And don't worry if they mention something about Brazil.  It's a special treatmet that you'll LOVE. 

 

[Virgil Showlion]

Angel 33
Message #165 - 08/06/10 02:30 PM



Dear MM,

I think my winter shoes and boots are planning to kill me.  I just got attacked by a mean pair of knee high black heeled boots.  The whole top of my foot is bruised.  My questions are do you think they are trying to kill me?  Should I buy stock in tinfoil? Also, who should I sue for my pain and suffering?

 

Thanks,

Limping in Michigan.

---

SlowbutSure
Message #166 - 08/06/10 02:36 PM



I'll take this one for MM.

 

Dear Limping in Michigan,

WTH?  It's August.  Why are you thinking about winter already?  If you really want to wear winter boots, try these...



Signed,

Crocs aren't just for throwing anymore

---

Angel 33
Message #167 - 08/06/10 02:52 PM



Dear Crazy Stalker Lady aka SBS,

I wasn't trying to WEAR my winter shoes.  I was looking for something in my storage room when they attacked.  I still think they are trying to kill me.

Signed,

Frozen Peas makes a great icepack.

---

SlowbutSure
Message #168 - 08/06/10 02:58 PM



LOL!

 

Dear Yoga Pants,

From what I've heard, it may be a better idea if you store the Ben & Jerry's in the fridge and eat the peas. 

Just sayin'.

Signed,

ITBIC 

[Virgil Showlion]

Angel 33
Message #169 - 08/06/10 03:03 PM



Dear MM,

I MAY have a dead hooker on my hands....or I may have killed a crazy message board lady for insinuating that I was fat.  Is this a situation where I can use the phrase tomato/tomahto/bloody mary.  Also, should I start texting my friends to help dispose of the body or should I just bbq it and throw a neighborhood block party?

 

Sincerely,

Yoga Pants rule.

---

genuine ga peach
Message #170 - 08/06/10 03:08 PM



Dear Yoga Pants,

FIRE UP THE GRILL!!!  I hear there may be a freshly slaughtered pig to add to your neighborhood feast.

 

And remember...the secret's in the sauce 

 

 

---

SlowbutSure
Message #171 - 08/06/10 03:49 PM



Dear Saucy -

Please don't tease Yoga Pants with extra calories.  You know she can't control herself. 

 

 

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #172 - 08/06/10 04:07 PM



LOL!!! You guys got a head start on me again! no fair that I am 3 hours behind most of you...

 

<<MM guzzles coffee and goes back to finish reading>>

---

Bluerobin
Message #173 - 08/06/10 04:11 PM



MM, the coffee grounds in my cup this morning looked like that haystack hair lady.  Am I paranoid?

signed,

Used all the Kero.

---

Gift Wrapped Margarita
Message #174 - 08/06/10 04:18 PM

My neighbor is about 5-6 years older than me and from Buffalo, NY. Keep this in mind. She normally calls me when she needs me to do something physical for her, and not the type of physical activity that I like. For example, today she said she needed help planting a bush and something about putting my green thumb to good use. She did provide incentive, she said she would give me a beer. Yeap, she came through alright.

 

So my question is, was this a fair trade? I mean I got to plant her bush and I got a beer out of it. Was I cheap labor? Was I used? Part of me likes it, but I do feel a little dirty. My hands feel dirty.

The reason I ask is because she agreed to come over and check out my curtain rod. I don't want her getting any ideas when she checks out my rod! I'm I obligated to offer her a beer now? Gosh, this is so complicated.

Sincerely,

Confused in Connecticut

Dear Confused, A beer in the hand is worth two in the bush.  Yes you were used. 

 

As far as your curtain rod goes, spare the rod and spoil the neighbor.  Give her a glass of champagne instead of a beer.. or your rod.