NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 15, 2021 8:36:04 GMT -5
I'd be fine with a roommate. We had a shut in lady in the neighborhood when I was little.
Dead for 3 days in the summer. Mailman called 911.
At least with a roommate they can poke me to see if I'm still breathing and with two of us it hopefully ups the nurse check ins.
I don't want to go like her either.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Jun 15, 2021 9:07:36 GMT -5
The emergency buttons can be great. Just keep in mind they may not be wiling/able to activate them. My mom would not activate hers since she knew it would entail a trip to the hospital. This was a few years ago. I think technology has improved since then and falls can automatically be detected now.
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buystoys
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Post by buystoys on Jun 15, 2021 10:05:36 GMT -5
Mom fell last week and couldn't reach her button because her arms were under her and the button was not. She finally got one arm free and was able to call for help. I don't know how long it took her, but she claimed it was a while.
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stillmovingforward
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Post by stillmovingforward on Jun 15, 2021 10:10:24 GMT -5
The emergency buttons can be great. Just keep in mind they may not be wiling/able to activate them. My mom would not activate hers since she knew it would entail a trip to the hospital. This was a few years ago. I think technology has improved since then and falls can automatically be detected now. Doesn't SouthernSusana have a watch that detects falls and will call 911 after a certain amount of time?
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 15, 2021 10:26:30 GMT -5
My Apple watch detects falls and will call 911. I tripped last summer while trimming my lilac tree. I didn't fall, but it said Fall Detected Do you need help? I said no and that was the end of it.
No buttons to push.
I'm thinking if I had said yes to the question or not answered, 911 would have been called.
I have my 911 profile filled out with the county, so my next of kin is registered there.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 15, 2021 10:29:10 GMT -5
Agreed. But, Drama's dad is not powerless in the situation. But we can't let GU languish in the hospital with half an eyeball either or leave grandma with him now. The hospital is not going to allow Great Uncle to languish in the hospital. Once Medicare or Medicaid will no longer pay, they will place him in a safe place. It may be a nursing home.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2021 10:29:56 GMT -5
Oh, my. I'm 80. I've given up the car so no worries there. If I get daffy, DD will probably get me a button to call for help. I'm right across the back hall, but they spend their time at the front of the house or upstairs.
Old people used to say "I don't want to be a burden." I haven't heard that lately. Doesn't anybody say it anymore or do old people not give a crap if they're burdens?
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stillmovingforward
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Post by stillmovingforward on Jun 15, 2021 10:38:51 GMT -5
Oh, my. I'm 80. I've given up the car so no worries there. If I get daffy, DD will probably get me a button to call for help. I'm right across the back hall, but they spend their time at the front of the house or upstairs. Old people used to say "I don't want to be a burden." I haven't heard that lately. Doesn't anybody say it anymore or do old people not give a crap if they're burdens? Our 'gramma' says that all the time! DSIL had to force her to go to ER once because she didn't think she was sick enough to 'bother you guys at the hospital'. He drove her and stayed with her as he's friends with the ER doc on shift that night. But she's all the time wanting to be useful instead of having things done for her. She and Missrigby would get along fabulously! Except she still drives. Not very far but she does.
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stillmovingforward
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Post by stillmovingforward on Jun 15, 2021 10:40:12 GMT -5
I might get her a watch with fall detection when everyone goes back to work away from the house. That worries me the most.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jun 15, 2021 11:02:20 GMT -5
Fall detection can be critical.
A friend's mother at 75 fell while K. was at work. M. lay on the floor for 7 hours, unable to get up. She'd broken her leg tripping over the carpet where it joined the tile floor. During the time she was down her body started a process that caused long-term muscle damage as her system began shutting down.
She never fully recovered from that fall.
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stillmovingforward
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Post by stillmovingforward on Jun 15, 2021 11:39:22 GMT -5
I liked you post for the warning to others. Gramma doesn't realize the damage that laying and waiting for us can do. She's getting a watch next month. It's a gift for me, not from me.
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Jun 15, 2021 11:49:49 GMT -5
Just to reiterate, make sure she will use it! My mother had one of those buttons. Stupid woman refused to wear it. She's gone now. I was in the process of looking for something for DH, fall detection, but it wouldn't have worked for how he died. He didn't fall, damn it.
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stillmovingforward
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Post by stillmovingforward on Jun 15, 2021 12:00:33 GMT -5
I remodeled the bathroom and put in a low threshold shower with a seat. She loves it!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2021 12:53:53 GMT -5
I don't want a walk-in tub; I'd be happy with those grip thingies in my shower. It's small so that I can brace myself against a wall if needed, I'd just feel better if there were grips or handles or whatever they're called. A seat would have been nice, too. Sure wish I'd thought of it when it was being built. Duh. How come I had the presence of mind to make sure the doors in The Hovel were wide enough to accommodate a walker or wheelchair but didn't think about handles and a seat in the shower?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2021 13:01:35 GMT -5
I don't want a walk-in tub; I'd be happy with those grip thingies in my shower. It's small so that I can brace myself against a wall if needed, I'd just feel better if there were grips or handles or whatever they're called. A seat would have been nice, too. Sure wish I'd thought of it when it was being built. Duh. How come I had the presence of mind to make sure the doors in The Hovel were wide enough to accommodate a walker or wheelchair but didn't think about handles and a seat in the shower? They make suction-cup grip thingies that stick on pretty darn well- I got them for DH when he started having balance issues.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2021 13:20:37 GMT -5
I don't want a walk-in tub; I'd be happy with those grip thingies in my shower. It's small so that I can brace myself against a wall if needed, I'd just feel better if there were grips or handles or whatever they're called. A seat would have been nice, too. Sure wish I'd thought of it when it was being built. Duh. How come I had the presence of mind to make sure the doors in The Hovel were wide enough to accommodate a walker or wheelchair but didn't think about handles and a seat in the shower? They make suction-cup grip thingies that stick on pretty darn well- I got them for DH when he started having balance issues. Really! Who knew? Thanx a heap for the info. When I go to the garden center tomorrow, I'm gonna go into the store, too, and look for them Yay.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Jun 15, 2021 14:00:13 GMT -5
I liked you post for the warning to others. Gramma doesn't realize the damage that laying and waiting for us can do. She's getting a watch next month. It's a gift for me, not from me. I think the fall detection would be ideal. Of course, they could still take the watch off, but hopefully they won't. I can't remember if they need a phone nearby to connect to Internet.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Jun 15, 2021 14:01:40 GMT -5
I don't want a walk-in tub; I'd be happy with those grip thingies in my shower. It's small so that I can brace myself against a wall if needed, I'd just feel better if there were grips or handles or whatever they're called. A seat would have been nice, too. Sure wish I'd thought of it when it was being built. Duh. How come I had the presence of mind to make sure the doors in The Hovel were wide enough to accommodate a walker or wheelchair but didn't think about handles and a seat in the shower? They could be added. Gotta keep you safe.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Jun 15, 2021 14:03:15 GMT -5
I don't want a walk-in tub; I'd be happy with those grip thingies in my shower. It's small so that I can brace myself against a wall if needed, I'd just feel better if there were grips or handles or whatever they're called. A seat would have been nice, too. Sure wish I'd thought of it when it was being built. Duh. How come I had the presence of mind to make sure the doors in The Hovel were wide enough to accommodate a walker or wheelchair but didn't think about handles and a seat in the shower? They make suction-cup grip thingies that stick on pretty darn well- I got them for DH when he started having balance issues. My friend had one of those. She liked it. I'd probably want 2, just in case.
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Jun 15, 2021 14:23:51 GMT -5
For the suction cup grab bars, you have to be careful how much weight you put on it. We have a walk-in shower with a hand-held shower head, a seat and grab bars all over the place. My bathroom is grab bar villa. If you have a tub, they have safety bars for that. Just be careful you don't get drunk and fall on it. Stomach hurts like a mofo for days!!! Too bad I already donated about 95% of DH's equipment. I could have mailed it to you.
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jerseygirl
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Post by jerseygirl on Jun 15, 2021 18:15:22 GMT -5
MissR you can buy shower chairs or if you don’t like the ‘medical look’ buy a pretty teak bench for the shower
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 16, 2021 18:29:32 GMT -5
So they saved one eye. He'll be blind in the other eye. Hospital is making him do rehab to determine if he can go home or not.
Meanwhile my grandma is a mess. Claims she can't feed herself so my dad has been driving every night at 10 pm to bring her pizza. Apparently GU does not own a microwave so me and mom doing anything requiring heat is out.
According to dad she's getting confused about grandpa being gone. He's not sure if she's flipping GU and grandpa or if she genuinely can't remember he's dead.
So he's taking her to get evaluated again so we can hopefully settle this and get her in somewhere. Mom said it's been a rough few days.
GU according to the doctor at the moment thinks he could still live at his house. Mom told dad don't worry about him focus on grandma we can do something about her.
What a mess. Please universe let me die of a heart attack
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jun 16, 2021 18:37:06 GMT -5
I liked you post for the warning to others. Gramma doesn't realize the damage that laying and waiting for us can do. She's getting a watch next month. It's a gift for me, not from me. I think the fall detection would be ideal. Of course, they could still take the watch off, but hopefully they won't. I can't remember if they need a phone nearby to connect to Internet. Blonde Granny has one of those watches I believe so maybe she can answer that question
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2021 19:35:23 GMT -5
I liked you post for the warning to others. Gramma doesn't realize the damage that laying and waiting for us can do. She's getting a watch next month. It's a gift for me, not from me. I think the fall detection would be ideal. Of course, they could still take the watch off, but hopefully they won't. I can't remember if they need a phone nearby to connect to Internet. Well, they’ll have to take it off to charge it. Hopefully at night when they’re safely in bed. And hopefully they’ll put it back on first thing when they wake up. Only the newer Apple watches have the fall detection, so something to be aware of. I bought mine last year and it does have it. I *think* you can add the watch to your data plan, so it will do everything whether or not your phone is nearby. Inside a house that has wifi, I believe it uses the wifi regardless of where the phone is. I know mine works when my phone is at one end of the house and I’m far enough from it that my blue tooth doesn’t work. But I’ll still get calls and messages on my watch. I got mine for riding my bicycle, in case I was out alone and got seriously injured somehow. I think it’s set to alert Mister and call 911. Not that I’ve actually been riding my bicycle since I got it.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2021 19:48:10 GMT -5
Want to say early 80s? Late 70s? People in my dad's family have lived to 102 so we could be dealing with this for awhile. Both of them have played stupid games and won stupid prizes at this point. We always knew grandma would need help but they've both turned into the grandparents from Willy Wonka. Only grandma ain't getting up and dancing like Grandpa Joe, she's ending up like he would have in real life. There is zero reason for us to be in this situation. Especially my GU. My dad should be under no obligation to be providing the level of assistance he is. Same with grandma. If she is as financially savvy as she always bragged about where is the money for her care now? My in laws are the same age group and while they do have elderly related issues they still live in their house just fine, go to church and have great relationships with all their grandchildren and great grandchildren. A lot of this is their own doing which infuriates me . I.told DH we will not do this to our kids. I did not have them with the expectation they become my nurse maids once I decided I'm just done caring for myself. If they have to because I can't that's one thing. This situation IMO is emotional abuse. I’ve said the same. And I’m even more adamant about it after what I’ve been going through with my Mom. Unfortunately for me, for years, I’ve had the feeling that I was a big part of my Mom’s retirement plans. I recall mentioning it several years ago on the boards here, that I thought my Mom expected that I will take care of her at some point, including financially. If she would have let me do things on my own instead of manipulating me, demanding things from me and trying to bully me, I probably would be more generous, patient and cooperative. Because I really am a generous person by nature, but I don’t do well with situations where people try to manipulate and/or use me, and I don’t do well with people trying to MAKE me do anything.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jun 16, 2021 20:00:27 GMT -5
I’ve said the same. And I’m even more adamant about it after what I’ve been going through with my Mom. Unfortunately for me, for years, I’ve had the feeling that I was a big part of my Mom’s retirement plans. I recall mentioning it several years ago on the boards here, that I thought my Mom expected that I will take care of her at some point, including financially. If she would have let me do things on my own instead of manipulating me, demanding things from me and trying to bully me, I probably would be more generous, patient and cooperative. Because I really am a generous person by nature, but I don’t do well with situations where people try to manipulate and/or use me, and I don’t do well with people trying to MAKE me do anything. Shit. I gave my mom the first warning almost 30 years ago...that I couldn't promise that I'd be able to quit my job and take care of her and dad. In fact, I asked her "what happens if I end up being the one making all the money and my spouse is the SAHP?"
It was somewhere before the end of high school, but before I started college. Her solution was to give me the silent treatment then. When I've needed to be clear, I've been rather clear about setting expectations. I can't control what other folks choose to do with it. If they screw up, and choose to ignore me, it's on them, not me.
My only issue is my mother's behaviors trigger me with DH. I need to get back into regular therapy to fix that. He's worked hard enough that I shouldn't be throwing the past up at him in my rants.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2021 20:06:50 GMT -5
giramomma you are absolutely correct about not being responsible for what other people do with the information after you’ve been very clear with them. I hope you do figure out (with the help of therapy if needed) how to separate your mother’s behaviors and triggers from the issues you’ve had with your DH in the past. All the best to you!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 16, 2021 20:34:07 GMT -5
Speaking of triggers while DH still disagrees with my dad he said after all this, he is getting why my dad lost his marbles that day.
It's a lot on top of trying to run a business and that drama. And my brother/nephew drama.
I am not sure how my dad hasn't had a stroke. I guess emotional trauma is good for something.🤷♀️
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2021 21:23:51 GMT -5
Speaking of triggers while DH still disagrees with my dad he said after all this, he is getting why my dad lost his marbles that day. It's a lot on top of trying to run a business and that drama. And my brother/nephew drama. I am not sure how my dad hasn't had a stroke. I guess emotional trauma is good for something.🤷♀️ If it’s not a bad idea for you (I’m not sure where you all are after the last big blow-up), please remind your Dad that he has to take care of himself too. If he tries to brush that off, I don’t think it would be out of line to also remind him that his wife, your Mom, needs for him to take care of himself. Maybe a bit of a guilt trip, but it’s also true.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 16, 2021 21:49:23 GMT -5
My mom is trying. I guess my GU has his house wired to where my dad is shocked it hasn't burst into flames and took out the neighborhood.
She told him he can't do anything about that and it's not his job. Right now he needs to deal with his mom. GU made his choices it's not our job to save him from himself.
Which I 100% agree. He never had a wife or kids he should have prepared for this. It shouldn't be on my dad to this level.
Whether my dad agrees IDK. I told him we can help be it checking on her or if for whatever reason he'd need to step away from the restuarant. I can run it with my brother's help. He can be an idiot but sometimes he can pull it together well.
My mom and I have also been trying to remind him he has his own life to lead. Grandkids are a far more effective guilt trip. I don't want him dedicating himself to two manipulative old farts to the point where he turns around and the kids are grown and now we have to take care of him. That's not right.
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