Ava
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Post by Ava on Sept 17, 2019 19:55:26 GMT -5
I don't think she'll qualify for Medicaid based on assets and income. Doesn't look that this state would let her qualify based on age only.
The only way would be to get her catastrophic insurance. Despite her good health, it can become a problem if she deteriorates quickly for any given reason.
Mmh, I don't think we can afford to make her a green card holder.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Sept 22, 2019 13:19:39 GMT -5
I don't think she'll qualify for Medicaid based on assets and income. Doesn't look that this state would let her qualify based on age only. The only way would be to get her catastrophic insurance. Despite her good health, it can become a problem if she deteriorates quickly for any given reason. Mmh, I don't think we can afford to make her a green card holder. Your mom needs to be careful not to push her visa....especially since she is from a South American country. One of my coworker’s was from Columbia, currently a US citizen, as is his wife. When their kids were born, one of their moms (don’t remember which) came to stay with them and take care of their grandson as long as her visa allowed. After her second or third (legal) visit, despite the fact that there was no intent to immigrate to the US, they no longer allowed her into the country. I do not know if things have changed since I left, but for about 4 years before I left, my coworker had to fly his sons to Columbia, drop them off and return to pick them up so that they could get some time together with their grandmother.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Sept 23, 2019 21:39:39 GMT -5
I know DIL had a green card and after year 10 they said if she left where she was to go visit and get stamped her card to come back in she could not. That is when she had to scramble and go live with her sister for a year and become a citizen or she was no longer allowed in and out, she was married to an American. I still don't quite understand what happened. I think it was to do with the fact they lived in S Korea and she had never actually lived in the US but not sure.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Sept 24, 2019 14:15:26 GMT -5
I know DIL had a green card and after year 10 they said if she left where she was to go visit and get stamped her card to come back in she could not. That is when she had to scramble and go live with her sister for a year and become a citizen or she was no longer allowed in and out, she was married to an American. I still don't quite understand what happened. I think it was to do with the fact they lived in S Korea and she had never actually lived in the US but not sure. The fact that she never had lived in the US may be the deciding factor: I have had a GC for 22 years now and I have never heard of this
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Sept 24, 2019 14:23:23 GMT -5
I worked with a woman from the UK when I lived in Boulder who had been in the US with a green card for over 25 years. She said she had not been back to the UK since she received her green card.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Sept 24, 2019 14:42:51 GMT -5
I worked with a woman from the UK when I lived in Boulder who had been in the US with a green card for over 25 years. She said she had not been back to the UK since she received her green card. You all know that I am not one to just stay put. With my family living all over the place I have to travel to visit and I do (several times a year)
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Sept 24, 2019 15:29:42 GMT -5
Yes I know you travel. When I knew this woman, she wasn't making enough money to get to the UK. I know a relative died but she was a clerk at a women's clothing boutique, making $9 plus commission. She lived in an efficiency apartment and was not making payments on her student loans.
Her sons had been raised in the US and lived in Colorado. I did believe her when she said she had not returned to the UK, but only because she had no money.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Sept 24, 2019 16:45:27 GMT -5
Yes I know you travel. When I knew this woman, she wasn't making enough money to get to the UK. I know a relative died but she was a clerk at a women's clothing boutique, making $9 plus commission. She lived in an efficiency apartment and was not making payments on her student loans. Her sons had been raised in the US and lived in Colorado. I did believe her when she said she had not returned to the UK, but only because she had no money. I know quite a few people in that position and it breaks my heart. I live a rather frugal life for most of the year, but by doing so I am in the enviable position that I can travel without having to worry. I have said it many times before, my life has not been perfect by a long shot but I have been very lucky in many ways. being able to find a good paying job later in life so I could start over after my divorce has been one of those lucky breaks
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Sept 24, 2019 17:20:49 GMT -5
I lost track of her after I left Boulder. The boutique went broke and closed so she lost that job. That was back during the recession of 2008 (?) I know she was having problems finding a job with full time hours.
I'm guessing by now she could not afford even a studio apartment in Boulder because I can't afford one.
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Sept 25, 2019 4:49:07 GMT -5
I don't think she'll qualify for Medicaid based on assets and income. Doesn't look that this state would let her qualify based on age only. The only way would be to get her catastrophic insurance. Despite her good health, it can become a problem if she deteriorates quickly for any given reason. Mmh, I don't think we can afford to make her a green card holder. Your mom needs to be careful not to push her visa....especially since she is from a South American country. One of my coworker’s was from Columbia, currently a US citizen, as is his wife. When their kids were born, one of their moms (don’t remember which) came to stay with them and take care of their grandson as long as her visa allowed. After her second or third (legal) visit, despite the fact that there was no intent to immigrate to the US, they no longer allowed her into the country. I do not know if things have changed since I left, but for about 4 years before I left, my coworker had to fly his sons to Columbia, drop them off and return to pick them up so that they could get some time together with their grandmother. I don't think she'll have a problem. She's been coming every year since 2008. Her visa is for up to 6 months and she never stays more than 3 or 4 months. One time Immigration asked her what was the motive or her visit and she told them she was visiting her daughter. No more questions. She's also 76 and has a good pension and a high rise condo back home. Even if she gets denied entry, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I would miss her but I travel every year.
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Sept 25, 2019 4:52:52 GMT -5
Yes I know you travel. When I knew this woman, she wasn't making enough money to get to the UK. I know a relative died but she was a clerk at a women's clothing boutique, making $9 plus commission. She lived in an efficiency apartment and was not making payments on her student loans. Her sons had been raised in the US and lived in Colorado. I did believe her when she said she had not returned to the UK, but only because she had no money. I know quite a few people in that position and it breaks my heart. I live a rather frugal life for most of the year, but by doing so I am in the enviable position that I can travel without having to worry. I have said it many times before, my life has not been perfect by a long shot but I have been very lucky in many ways. being able to find a good paying job later in life so I could start over after my divorce has been one of those lucky breaks I know people who haven't been able to travel back home for years, and once they do it, they are disappointed because it's been so long, friends and family have moved on, things have changed, businesses they frequented have closed, etc. and they feel foreign in their own land. I also know people who only travel when someone dies so they can go to the funeral. I don't understand that mindset. I rather go for the holidays and summer, like I do, and spend time with them when they are alive. I don't care about being at their funeral. I am also someone who lives rather frugally but my trip back home once a year is my one splurge, and even a necessity for me. I wouldn't be able to function if I couldn't fly back home and be there with my loved ones for a few weeks every year. I also save all my PTO to use for this travel.
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Sept 25, 2019 4:55:17 GMT -5
I have been looking at the form to bring in an immigrant parent. I want to read it in detail before making a decision, but it doesn't look like mom is a good candidate for this.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Sept 25, 2019 10:16:10 GMT -5
Your mom needs to be careful not to push her visa....especially since she is from a South American country. One of my coworker’s was from Columbia, currently a US citizen, as is his wife. When their kids were born, one of their moms (don’t remember which) came to stay with them and take care of their grandson as long as her visa allowed. After her second or third (legal) visit, despite the fact that there was no intent to immigrate to the US, they no longer allowed her into the country. I do not know if things have changed since I left, but for about 4 years before I left, my coworker had to fly his sons to Columbia, drop them off and return to pick them up so that they could get some time together with their grandmother. I don't think she'll have a problem. She's been coming every year since 2008. Her visa is for up to 6 months and she never stays more than 3 or 4 months. One time Immigration asked her what was the motive or her visit and she told them she was visiting her daughter. No more questions. She's also 76 and has a good pension and a high rise condo back home. Even if she gets denied entry, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I would miss her but I travel every year. Your mom’s financial state is not different from my friend’s parents. It isn’t a function of their resources (parents are very wealthy), but likely the frequency/amount of time/home country that they are from.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Sept 25, 2019 11:11:10 GMT -5
A friend of mine found out this situation the hard way. They invited a friend to come visit them in the US. She is from Peru.
She owns a house in Peru and is the sole financial provider for her family of several sisters and her mother.
She applied for a visa to visit my friend in the US. Visa was denied by the US and she was told to apply again in two years.
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Sept 28, 2019 8:30:27 GMT -5
I have a coworker who's originally from another country. His sister was denied a visitor's visa for the second time yesterday. They told her the same, to apply in two years. He was so unhappy she couldn't come to visit.
But even getting a visa does not guarantee they would actually let you enter the country. When you obtain the visa they tell you Immigration can deny you entry at the airport. That is worse, I think. Imagine buying a ticket, making plans, traveling here, and then not able to enter.
I don't think my mom would be denied entry. There are several parents of people I know here who come every summer. Nobody has ever been denied. We are from a small, very peaceful country. Worst case scenario, she's not allowed to come anymore. I am not that far from retirement and I visit every year for the holidays, and we have wasap.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Sept 29, 2019 20:59:40 GMT -5
I think trump just cut back on people coming to the US, not positive.
Here is an example, we are paying $3000 a month for MIL in assisted living. It's all patient pay. Now we are paying $360 a day for sitters to take care of her for 1 to 2 weeks. So $2500 a week. Now the dementia unit we are looking at is over $6000 a month and these rates are cheaper as we are in a rural area. For her Medicaid will kick in, but we have to give the state any money she has over $2000. It could eat a family up financially in short order.
I did not know you could get Medicaid in any state without being a citizen, you mean that is possible? The elder care costs in this country are astronomical.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 30, 2019 8:30:58 GMT -5
My sister's FIL has been moved to palliative/hospice care. He's just out of surgery for clearing a blocked bowel and they found more blockages. He's decided he's done with surgeries so it's just a matter of time now. My sister is the only DIL and their girls are the only grandkids so we're trying to be supportive for them.
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snapdragon
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Post by snapdragon on Oct 1, 2019 11:11:54 GMT -5
Sorry to hear about that Beth. Hospice was really helpful for my Mom before she went to the medical area of the local retirement place where she had been a rehab patient after she broke her hip.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 2, 2019 19:20:17 GMT -5
Dad can no longer change his hearing aid batteries. He has managed to break another hearing aid.
Sister is going to change the hearing aid batteries on a schedule. The audiologist had suggested a schedule during the last visit.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 3, 2019 13:56:23 GMT -5
Dad can no longer change his hearing aid batteries. He has managed to break another hearing aid. Sister is going to change the hearing aid batteries on a schedule. The audiologist had suggested a schedule during the last visit.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 3, 2019 16:13:36 GMT -5
Sister took the hearing aid in and the audiologist was able to fix it. She's going to be "mom" when it comes to the hearing aids. Mom wouldn't let dad take care of his hearing aids because he treated them so roughly. Now he doesn't know how to put the batteries in.
Poor guy was totally confused today. A bridge is being repaired so we had to take a totally different route to the grocery store. He kept asking "where are you taking me". With only one hearing aid working, he couldn't hear me.
We called his former employer to set up an appointment to get a different Part D insurance company. I'm a bit surprised but sister said tell them I am her because she is the POA and he CAN NOT hear them or comprehend the questions. So that's what I will be doing.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Oct 5, 2019 18:00:47 GMT -5
I am trying to get everything together for MIL to qualify for Medicaid. I think I have it all but the documentation for a little $50 a month pension. Going to have to pull the old tax returns, haven't filed in a few years since neither SS nor VA is taxable. I can see that holding us up. I freaked today, could not find her drivers license, we needed the photo ID. It's expired, hope we can use it. I don't remember ever seeing her birth certificate. Have her SS cards, insurance cards, new medicare card. Thankfully before we had to do all this she was sensible enough to help do all this.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Oct 27, 2019 19:41:15 GMT -5
We're currently staying with my MIL at my BIL house. (BIL and SIL have gone to visit new grand baby) She has been living with him since her fall. She was out visiting and fell down the garage steps. Fortunately did not rebreak her hip, but did break a bone. She has responded well to treatment and therapy and is now been cleared for independent living. We originally thought she would be moving to our city, but now looks like she will stay where BIL is. I went to visit the place she is moving into. It's brand new and beautiful!! 3 restaurants, indoor pool, extensive fitness room, super nice bar, yoga studio, beauty salon, and a movie theater with recliners. I think it's about $4000 a month for a one bedroom apartment and that includes a certain $ amount toward the food places. Even tho it has a full kitchen and laundry facilities.
I just hope she stays well enough to not need to be moved to assisted living for a few years.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 28, 2019 11:30:30 GMT -5
The independent living facility where mom and dad moved had a buy-in, 85% of which will be returned when dad moves out. They pay monthly rent to cover things like utilities, etc. The buy-in wasn't cheap but it keeps the rent down.
Dad didn't understand how this worked when they moved in. Mom understood completely how it worked. It became very apparent to me at that time that mom had handled the check book. I thought that had been the case and it was.
Now dad writes checks. I get the duplicate and a the bill. I also have online access to the bank account since the account is in joint tenancy with dad, my sister and me.
I did find an unpaid bill where he puts the paid bills for me to take. He swore he paid it, but there were no missing check numbers and there was no indication on the bill he had paid it. Mom trained him to write the date and check number. He is very good about doing that.
When I was a rep payee, I saw the difference in "rent" for independent living with and without buy-ins. Dad would never have agreed to the rent for an independent living facility without a buy in.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Oct 30, 2019 21:29:13 GMT -5
Hubs asked MIL how she was getting along with her room mate. She said what room mate? Oh my, that is sad. She told him her sister was mad at her again and hubs explained her sister isn't there but another facility. He has so much patience with her.
Its supposed to be in the 20's tomorrow night, finally getting cold.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Nov 30, 2019 19:40:16 GMT -5
I thought I would post an update.
I've been mostly radio silent as I've been dealing with my dad's latest crisis. He fell and broke his hip about 6 weeks ago. He went into skilled nursing and told his girlfriend not to tell me. He apparently fell again while in skilled nursing but just banged up his face.
About ten days into his 17 day stay the girlfriend does a voluntary evacuation as a fire broke out near their house. When she returns back to the house she sends me an e-mail that she thinks it's time for me to take over his care. Of course it arrives when we are having the great Bay Area Blackout and I don't receive it until Monday afternoon. When I contact her she says she sent it when she was stressed out and didn't mean it. I ask her if she's sure. She says she doesn't know. I ask her if she wants to sleep on it and give me a call around 9am the next day. She calls me at 8:30 to say she's sure.
I make the calls to the Assisted Living Facility (ALF) that I liked at the beginning of the year. They do have space and the Director of Nursing interviews him and does an assessment at the skilled facility. They say they can take him and with his level of care it will cost approximately $3,800 plus an additional $200 for incontinence care. I drive down to So Cal and skilled nursing discharges him on Nov 7th. While we have an appt. no one greets us and we are left to do his set up alone. After lunch someone from the nurse's station finally greets us about two hours after our arrival. Eventually the Director of Nursing arrives and I think things are going to be o.k. I go out with the girlfriend that evening and spend the night at their house. The next morning I return to the ALF. On the way there I pick up signature cards from his bank so we can add me to his bank account and I can start handling his bills and other paperwork. We agree I will be transferring $1,100/mth to myself, the same as he has been paying room and board to his girlfriend. I return home on the 9th and that's when things start falling apart again.
I receive a call from the ALF that my dad is in the hospital. Apparently no one has been tending to the suppurating tumor wound which needs to be cleaned and dressed every couple of days. The bandage hasn't been changed since the 5th, has gotten infected, smells bad and has a lot of discharge. It's at that point I'm told that the ALF's license doesn't allow them to treat that kind of wound. Then it's a mad scramble to try to locate a way to get him to the wound clinic which is all of a mile from the ALF. While the ALF does have a shuttle bus, it only operates certain days and hours and it's only curb to curb service. Unfortunately with Dad being a fall risk and who becomes confused even when going to the same doctor's office he's been going to every month for the last month, he must be accompanied by a caregiver. The third party caregiver contact they refer to me tells me there's a four hour minimum for their services. I do the math and it winds up being about $135 per trip and at 3x per week that adds up to over $1,500/mth in addition to the nearly $4,000 I'm paying the facility!
I speak to my brother about coming down 1x week to assist with the wound care. After whining and complaining he finally agrees. Then I speak to the girlfriend about doing the wound care 2x week until we can figure something out. She's been doing it for the last several months rather than driving him to the clinic. She gets upset, tells me it my problem to deal with and stops just short of hanging up on me. I advise my brother and uncle about what's going on via e-mail and get radio silence. No offers to help or provide financial assistance even though my uncle said he would be willing to help.
I get an e-mail from the girlfriend a few hours later stating she didn't handle my request very well and offers to take Dad back home "where she'll take good care of him". Twice in her e-mail she mentions how that will save me lots of money. She also says the facility isn't taking care of him and all he does is lay in bed all day. I don't respond right away as I am absolutely livid that she is blaming me for a situation I didn't know about and that this move was all about how she could no longer take care of him.
When I respond the next day I advise her that they are competent adults and that I can't stop him from moving back. I do recommend that they talk to his primary physician during his follow visit on the 19th as to his opinion whether it's safe for him to be at home. I had already scheduled a telephone appt with him for the 21st and I was confident the doctor would tell me what he told them. I also said in my e-mail that it was a stressful situation for all of us that I was doing the best I could given the circumstances.. I also advised her that the offer to help pay for his care was off the table and that I wasn't going to run down again and pick up the pieces. Again I requested her help with the wound care while we worked things out.
Monday the 18th I realized that I was trying to work too hard to make things work with people who don't want my help. That afternoon I got a call from a social worker who said Dad was unhappy and wanted to go home. She had some resource information to give me including some info about a program whereby the county could assist financially with home caregiving resources. After talking with his doctor Thursday evening, I made the call to the girlfriend saying I thought we could have him do the initial move on Tuesday, the 26th and that my brother could finish the move out on Friday the 29th. I advised her that we could get some care, specifically bathing and other chores which could help reduce the fall risk. One issue was my "father's bathroom" is a tub/shower combo. Last year he tripped trying to get his leg over the tub, fell into the tub, gave himself a concussion and broke some ribs. Everyone seemed agreeable to the plan until Monday, the 25th. I called the girlfriend to advise that I had set up the move and an assessment appointment with the case worker for the caregiver. I had advised her that initially we would have to set up private pay until the county program kicked in and that there was a four hour minimum. I asked her to think about what other help she could use besides just the bathing. I suggested light house keeping, that the caregiver could keep Dad company while she takes a break, goes shopping or visits her daughter. She flips out, says she doesn't need help with housekeeping and that she doesn't need help at $135 a visit. I try to explain that the money would be coming out of another bank account I control but she hangs up on me. I write her an e-mail explaining about how the money I have been keeping for him (from his pension payout from three years ago) would be used and that it would take away from what he pays her. I also offer that we really are trying to help her and that we appreciate what she does for him.
I get a call a couple of hours later saying she'll only take him if there's no caregiver. Otherwise I've got to figure out what to do with him. I explain that she doesn't have to have a caregiver but she's free to change her mind. She agrees to take him "as long as he can spend his money however he wants". She did pick him up on Tuesday and my brother did clear out the rest of his things on Friday. Both my husband and I have commented that we think she can't afford to live in their house without his income.
Today I was paying bills and reviewing his account. I just noticed that his girlfriend wrote out a check (and he signed it) for room and board for $1,100 for the month of November dated October 31 and cashed on Nov 1. She knew full well he was going into the ALF by that point.
I've written an e-mail advising her of the checks I've written on Dad's behalf and asking if the check that was written to her was for room and board for November (even though it says November). We'll see how she responds. I bet I'm asked to be taken off the bank acct.
I will see him on December 9th and I'm going to ask him why he gave her money for November and at the same time agreed he would be paying $1,100 to me to be applied to ALF cost. I have the feeling that he didn't know he was going into the ALF when he wrote that check.
At some point I'll post about what I found out when I started going through and organizing his records. I knew my parents were financial trainwrecks but it's even more dysfunctional than I thought.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Nov 30, 2019 20:08:16 GMT -5
Oh my and I think we have problems trying to get MIL qualified for Medicaid. And they started dispensing her pills from a pharmacy owned by CVS with that on the letter head that her insurance will not pay. Only through CVS it says. So now we are down to about $1100, can't get VA stopped to get Medicaid started, and owe out of pocket about $700 for drugs. I told them to stop filling the drugs, let us do it and they will be paid for by CVS and we will hand carry them until she gets Medicaid. The facility said drop her insurance Medicaid will pick her up, so $900 coming out in December for the 1st quarter, hubs said drop it. I said no way, she gets in the hospital we could wrack up $100k in bills in short order we could be stuck with, that would wreck our finances. I am not stopping it.
I also understand where you are coming from on the "family" fight. I went through this with her sister and basically son insisting she stay down here and I was alone trying to deal with her, MIL, and DD while he and his wife went to Florida for the winter and left it on me. I so feel for your stress in all this. It is the hardest thing in the world to take care of this stuff. The elderly don't want to let go, I will probably be the same, the kids feel bad and try to do what the parents want. At some point you or someone will have to take control and do what needs to be done. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and hope you get it figured out. We are still dealing with MIL and she will likely outlive us for son to deal with.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Dec 1, 2019 7:58:11 GMT -5
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buystoys
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Post by buystoys on Dec 1, 2019 8:10:19 GMT -5
Bonny, prayers for you that this all turns out OK. I can't imagine how stressful this must be.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 1, 2019 8:10:34 GMT -5
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