Battling Depression

[buystoys]

Sept 20, 2018 16:06:39 GMT -5 finnime said:

I'm glad it helps, TheOtherMe . My SAD is inverted: I typically slide in late spring and summer.

I don't know why but I've been particularly antsy the past couple of days. It's a very uncomfortable feeling.

When I start to feel antsy, that's when I know I'm starting into some days of extra anxiety. 

The new script is helping as I don't get to such a high of activity.  I'm just blah from all the drugs.  I don't have high highs, but I also don't have the super low lows right now.  I think I'm better off, but I won't know until we start scaling back drugs.

[azucena]

Sept 20, 2018 18:18:21 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I think the lamp keeps me from spiraling.  It was well worth the cost.

I would be interested in a link to the lamp that you like. I definitely have SAD too.

[finnime]

Sept 21, 2018 18:49:06 GMT -5 buystoys said:

Sept 20, 2018 16:06:39 GMT -5 finnime said:

I'm glad it helps, TheOtherMe . My SAD is inverted: I typically slide in late spring and summer.

I don't know why but I've been particularly antsy the past couple of days. It's a very uncomfortable feeling.

When I start to feel antsy, that's when I know I'm starting into some days of extra anxiety. 

The new script is helping as I don't get to such a high of activity.  I'm just blah from all the drugs.  I don't have high highs, but I also don't have the super low lows right now.  I think I'm better off, but I won't know until we start scaling back drugs.

Getting to a steady state always a long, delicate process for me, and then something changes and I need a shift of some kind in meds. The blah really sucks, doesn't it? No joy, no delicious feeling of alive, just blank. But that is better than doomed. 

[TheOtherMe]

Sept 21, 2018 19:14:02 GMT -5 azucena said:

Sept 20, 2018 18:18:21 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I think the lamp keeps me from spiraling.  It was well worth the cost.

I would be interested in a link to the lamp that you like. I definitely have SAD too.

I bought it on Amazon.  It's one with the large light.  Mine has two settings.  I use it for 30 minutes twice a day.

I don't see the one I have when I look quickly on Amazon.  This is the probably the 4th season I will be using it.

[finnime]

Feeling really sad. DD32's marriage is ending. I spent a few hours with her earlier today and she sobbed, raged and then caught herself and was able to discuss goals for the immediate and longer-term future. She's been married for 7 years. It is a sad time. It brings back some of what I went through during my divorce of course, and I feel so badly for DD. It's a long, hard climb back up.

[TheOtherMe]

Sept 22, 2018 19:19:35 GMT -5 finnime said:

Feeling really sad. DD32's marriage is ending. I spent a few hours with her earlier today and she sobbed, raged and then caught herself and was able to discuss goals for the immediate and longer-term future. She's been married for 7 years. It is a sad time. It brings back some of what I went through during my divorce of course, and I feel so badly for DD. It's a long, hard climb back up.

 to both of you.

[zibazinski]

How awful and how hard for you both. It’s really like a death as it’s the end of something that was supposed to be forever. It’s okay to mourn the end of a life that you thought you had

[debthaven]

I'm so sorry to hear that finnime. Many hugs to you and your DD.

[buystoys]

Hugs to both of you finnime.

[Opti]

Sept 22, 2018 19:19:35 GMT -5 finnime said:

Feeling really sad. DD32's marriage is ending. I spent a few hours with her earlier today and she sobbed, raged and then caught herself and was able to discuss goals for the immediate and longer-term future. She's been married for 7 years. It is a sad time. It brings back some of what I went through during my divorce of course, and I feel so badly for DD. It's a long, hard climb back up.

That's roughly the time frame in which my first marriage ended. It was overall a good thing for me, but financially I was badly off as I didn't have a good job at the time. Its a tough thing. I'm still healing from it and still wanting a better husband for me than #1. Hopefully you can help her process it quicker, than she might otherwise.

[Jaguar]

I'm so sorry finnime, I wish you and your DD lots of healing.

[buystoys]

We've had a couple of rainy, dreary days.  I'm just SO tired all day long, even right after I've slept all night.  I want to blame it on the weather or on hurting so much, but I just don't know if that's the problem.  Or if there even is a problem.  Maybe this is just my new cycle.  A few days of not so bad blah, then a few days of low, dragging my feet, blah.  It's frustrating because I have so much to do.  If I feel physically capable, I'm not mentally/emotionally capable.  If I'm mentally capable, I'm not physically capable.  It just feels like my body is running on separate settings that won't synchronize.

[Jaguar]

to you buystoys

[finnime]

That's a miserable cycle, buystoys. I'm sorry. It sounds like the physical pain and related exhaustion is depressing, which can incur its own pain and exhaustion. I hope it ends soon.

[finnime]

Went to nephew's wedding this weekend. It was wonderful, a joyous time ensconced with family, every detail taken care of by others. So freeing to just feel - good!

Back home now I'm trying to hold onto that feeling. DD needs support as she wades into separation and almost certainly divorce. My beloved great-aunt died two days ago, peacefully at home. I'll miss her. But these at least are sorrows that have a cause, not the abyss I've so recently been in.

Hard to trust feelings. I recognize I'm still very limited in my achievable goals, but that's okay for now. I get up, drink coffee, take meds, walk the dog. Then try for one more involved task: write some, or work on the yard, or repair something. Help DD in some way. Make dinner. And that's okay for now.

[azucena]

So between anti-depression and anxiety meds, added work stress since my work promotion, and closing in on my 40th bday in a few months, I've gained around 10-15 lbs in the last few months.  Not sure of the exact number since I don't own a scale.  So frickin' tired of not having pants that fit for work.  This morning a pair that I fit into last week won't button anymore   I did buy 3 new (bigger) pairs last week, but 2 of them aren't the right material for second wears.

I see my psychiatrist in a couple weeks and a few months ago when I had begun to gain weight she mentioned there are meds to counteract that.  Not sure I want to keep layering on drugs.

My boss recently mentioned that every time she's had a major promotion, she's put on 10-15 lbs and then they never go away.  She's overweight but not obese, and I can totally picture the weight gains for her and she's right.  I think it's a combination of stress hormones, stress eating, and just plain not enough hours in the day to prepare healthy food (takeout is easier), and never time to exercise.

I forgot that I was supposed to follow up on my physical from a few months ago and repeat a blood test because the dr was tracking some thyroid results.  That's probably not helping.  She also mentioned cholesterol meds, but I've heard too many side effects stories to want to go there yet.

Winter coming won't help any of this.  UGH!

[finnime]

Weight is often an issue with depression. Appetite change is one of the symptoms, plus as you said many meds mess up your weight. It's tough. At one point I just gave in and decided to not be concerned with my size, but just bought clothes to fit the larger me. Now I don't have the same trouble - post-menopause seems to have helped. I would rather be heavy and not depressed than thin and depressed.

[debthaven]

I'm so sorry about your great aunt finnime . It's hard to see the older generation go.

azucena FWIW, after having been overweight and even slightly obese for years, I've just lost nearly 30 lbs on a keto diet. I'm a LOT older than you so don't lose hope! If ever you're interested, don't hesitate to reach out.

ETA: I'm still 10 lbs overweight, but now I'm much closer to normal weight than to obese.

[azucena]

I've followed the keto discussion and have been intrigued.

I am 5 foot 3 and usually weigh around 130 and am probably creeping up on 150. Was reading more about hypothyroidism over lunch and I definitely have a lot of those symptoms. Need to get back to the dr about that but it seems like one more to do.

Definitely need to cut out the totally mindless eating throughout the day and especially into the evening hours. I've never been an over eater but I seem to be now.

Going to get in a walk if Dd6 will cooperate after school.

[debthaven]

azucena I'm 5 foot 2 and I was at 175 at my heaviest. I'm at 147 now. So you're a bit overweight now, but not at all obese.

I don't know anything about thyroid disorders but you have so much on your plate, please take the time to do it, even if it is indeed "one more thing to do". If there is a thyroid issue, you need to take care of it. And if there isn't, won't you be relieved?!

If you look into keto and have any questions, please don't hesitate to either post on the thread or PM me.

Also, to me, keto is a way to lose weight. A lot of keto-ers talk about "enhanced mental clarity", "boundless energy" ... it's like a cult. I am definitely NOT one of those people LOL. To me it's a great way to lose weight, not a long-term lifestyle. But it has taught me a LOT, so I'm confident that I won't pile all the pounds back on when I switch from keto to low carb in a few weeks.

ETA: edited to add "a bit"

[finnime]

Hypothyroidism is also associated with depression. There was a politician years ago who was completely misdiagnosed and treated for major depression - in those days, hospitalization - until he finally was correctly identified as having hypothyroidism. All his symptoms cleared up. Unfortanately his career was already shot.

[azucena]

Yes, I read that too.  Along with constantly being cold, fatigue and several other things that perfectly describe me.

Fin - sorry to read about your daughter.  Marriage is hard work, but it really only works if both are working on it.  I'm glad you're able to be a shoulder for her to lean on.

[Lizard Queen]

I often have the symptoms of hypothyroidism, but never actually had it when tested for it.

I'm thinking of studying Buddhism again.  It has always appealed to me, and it seems that it works on all the areas I've been struggling with lately.  I do have a tough time wrapping my head around some of the writings, so we'll see.  I need something like, Buddhism for Dummies, until I can get my concentration abilities back.

[finnime]

DD32 was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was in her teens. She's resisted the diagnosis and I'm afraid will have a very difficult life until she acknowledges her troubles. It's very rough.

[Jaguar]

Oct 5, 2018 11:22:38 GMT -5 finnime said:

DD32 was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was in her teens. She's resisted the diagnosis and I'm afraid will have a very difficult life until she acknowledges her troubles. It's very rough.

So very sorry. <<< HUGS >>>

[debthaven]

Hugs to you and your DD finnime

[azucena]

Oct 5, 2018 8:35:03 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I often have the symptoms of hypothyroidism, but never actually had it when tested for it.

I'm thinking of studying Buddhism again.  It has always appealed to me, and it seems that it works on all the areas I've been struggling with lately.  I do have a tough time wrapping my head around some of the writings, so we'll see.  I need something like, Buddhism for Dummies, until I can get my concentration abilities back.

The new primary doc that I saw this spring said it's particularly difficult to diagnose thyroid problems in women because they are so intertwined with hormones.  She said she wished she could submit a blood test at least once/week for an entire cycle.  Made total sense to me, but of course insurance probably won't approve that.


Fin - I have a brother who is 27 and bipolar.  He recently switched server jobs and doesn't seem bothered by not having health insurance at the new one.  He also recently moved out of our mother's house, so we are all anticipating a crash soon.  And, it was working well for each of them to live together, lest anyone feel the need to jump on that comment.

[Lizard Queen]

Oct 5, 2018 12:48:10 GMT -5 azucena said:

Oct 5, 2018 8:35:03 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I often have the symptoms of hypothyroidism, but never actually had it when tested for it.

I'm thinking of studying Buddhism again.  It has always appealed to me, and it seems that it works on all the areas I've been struggling with lately.  I do have a tough time wrapping my head around some of the writings, so we'll see.  I need something like, Buddhism for Dummies, until I can get my concentration abilities back.

The new primary doc that I saw this spring said it's particularly difficult to diagnose thyroid problems in women because they are so intertwined with hormones.  She said she wished she could submit a blood test at least once/week for an entire cycle.  Made total sense to me, but of course insurance probably won't approve that.

Hmm, that would have been nice to know from my doctor.    I'm used to having my concerns ignored, though.

[Chocolate Lover]

Oct 5, 2018 14:37:04 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Oct 5, 2018 12:48:10 GMT -5 azucena said:

The new primary doc that I saw this spring said it's particularly difficult to diagnose thyroid problems in women because they are so intertwined with hormones.  She said she wished she could submit a blood test at least once/week for an entire cycle.  Made total sense to me, but of course insurance probably won't approve that.

Hmm, that would have been nice to know from my doctor.    I'm used to having my concerns ignored, though.

Some labs use a number for "normal" that's a bit too high also. I found the Thyroid for Dummies book helpful on actual normals. (I think it was just Thyroid, not hypothyroid in the title) I forget the name of the test (something like TSH maybe?) but my doctor's lab calls all the way up to 5 normal when it's really closer to 2. My doctor was aware of that though so she didn't argue when I brought that up.

I don't know if this is helpful info at all, but thought I'd mention it. 

[buystoys]

Bipolar and not taking meds seems to be a tough one.  People insist they are fine, even when they hit a massive low.  I know several people who are bipolar and they are the worst about staying on their medications.  I always worry about them when they go off because I know there's an inevitable crash in the works.

Hugs to you finnime, azucena and Lizard Queen.  Thanks for the info Chocolate Lover.  I'll have to look at my last test results.