Battling Depression

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I actually started crying while putting away grandma's glass.  Everywhere I freaking turned there was another piece.  I just wanted to get the house cleaned out so we could sell it and the nursing home would leave me alone.  Then I felt bad because it gave my grandma such joy so I started crying because now she can't enjoy all of it in the home because there isn't room for it all.

I resent my maternal grandmother for having a garage sale to everything before she moved without informing my mom first.  There are things that I am older I wish we still had so I could pass them down to my kids.  I was nine at the time so didn't exactly have much of a voice.

I get it was her right but there are things we have no idea where they ended up like her poodle skirt which I would have LOVED to have had.  I know Bob would have wanted my grandfather's gardening tools.

If I had been an adult at the time I would have made DH or my dad take down the chandelier in the dining room and had it installed in my kitchen or bedroom.  God I loved that thing.  As it stands I have only one prism from it.

[azucena]

Dd10 had one week off for her own spring break. We made all day playdates for 3 of those days while I worked from home. She easily got along with each of these 3 friends.

Then we went to punta cana for a week. She was anxious in the airport and on the way to the resort but those are pretty typical times to be anxious. I told her that anxiety was normal and to let us grownups be in charge of all the logistics besides rationing her airplane snacks from her backpack for the 4 hour flight.

Other than that, both weeks were anxiety free.

Yesterday school went okay. She finished about one third of her makeup work in 30 mins and she has all week to do it.

Today it's back to huge anxiety and begging to be home schooled. She just dumped all her running thoughts at me. Unfortunately I tried to logic thru them, fix it, ignore other dumb kid behavior, and be optimistic about some of it.

She told me 4 different stories that really don't even involve her. Someone said something and someone else overheard it and gossiped, etc.

She's overwhelmed by the rest of the makeup work even though logically it's two more hours over the course of this week at most.

There's an optional reading challenge and it's stressing her out. Okay, let's just let that go.

She found a Pokémon card in a library book that she thinks is worth money and wants to sell. She promised to bring it to school fo4 one of the boys that is constantly stressing her out and he's bringing $20 for it tomorrow. I said no to that and that she can blame it on me and now I've ruined her life.

Her weekly therapy is already scheduled for 5 today. Set her up with a snack in her room and walked away bc we were getting nowhere.

Between this and constant work crap, I'm over it and just got back from vacation sat.

[finnime]

Ugh, azucena. Breathe deeply. I'm glad your DD has here therapy session today when she clearly would benefit from it, and you, too. I suspect changes may always be challenging for your DD.

[azucena]

Oh was her therapy session insightful for my own life...therapist asked her describe her school day and what ran through her head. It's crazy the amount of people and activities that DD10 notices, catalogs, and empathizes with and how much extra stress and anxiety this causes. Plus how focused she is on the misbehaviors and injustices. Light bulb moment for me especially in how I'm dealing with work right now. I've become too much of a project manager, in part because we have lost key people in the last year. I care about doing my job so well that it really, really bothers me when other people drop the ball. I'm giving up too much brain space and work time to prompting folks to do their jobs. I'm also way too focused on how crappy my manager is and how his poor decisions trickle down. Therapist suggested mindfulness exercises for DD when she starts down her anxiety path; need to incorporate my own into my workday. Also need to just give fewer effs.

Therapist also helped us notice how little time DD10 allows for fun. Gosh, wonder where she gets that.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I do that too.  My therapist asked me what I do for myself and I had no answer, especially in the last year.   I decided based on the suggestion of the burn out book I was reading to do something with my hands so I had a physical tangible object as a result to feed my need to feel like I accomplished something/was productive with my time while taking care of myself.

I got back into upcycling and last weekend I tried my hand at making resin jewelry.  I want to try to make cameos.  I am also at some point going ot borrow my dad's printer to scan all the old photos I have I want to make a poster of them.  It is a shame for them to waste away in a box but I don't want to damage the originals either some of these are like late 1800 to early 1900 not exactly something I can go back and reprint.

I've really enjoyed getting back in touch with my creative side and doing something that has absolutely no relation to any of my responsibilities.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I also wanted to say I have been identified by my personal therapist and the career coach as having a very high learning drive and I also like to collect/organize.   So I'm also feeding those drives when I create.   I learned a new skill buying the kit.

There really isn't a "wrong" way to do the jewelry kit I bought and it would have been pretty hard to mess it up.   Even if whatever you made doesn't come out perfect whatever imperfections it has are unique to the piece and you can totally tell people yo did it on purpose. 

That might be something to try with your DD.  Worst case you are out $20.   Kits are great because they are self contained too so you don't end up with a ton of product leftover you likely won't use again.

[azucena]

Great insights, Drama. I think she and I both have high learning drives and collect/organize describe us as well.

She loves to tinker with things, and I was just remembering this morning how much fun she had with some model rockets a few years ago.

[Pink Cashmere]

My follow up appointment with my PCP was today, to see how the Zoloft she prescribes is working for me. I had to fill out questionnaires again, about anxiety and depression. Comparing them to the last time I saw her in February and answered the same questions, she said that my anxiety seems to be a lot better, but not my depression. 

I already knew my depression symptoms had not improved, because I still want to just lay in bed all day every day, to the point I don’t even want to take showers. The only reason I get out of bed, is to do it before Mister gets home from work, and I shower, because I don’t want him to think I’m just nasty and trifling.

He and I talked on the phone while I was getting ready to go to the doctor today, and he was talking about all the stuff that is stressing him out, and how he does need somebody to talk to to get it all out. I told him I understand he needs a professional to talk to, and encouraged him again to make that appointment again, but I’m supposed to be his best friend, who he can talk to about anything. He said, but what when I need to talk about something that has to do with you?!

So it turned out that I am a source of stress for him too, with all the shit I’ve been dealing with the last few months, and when I asked him to just say what was bothering him, he said he doesn’t want to be my retirement plan. It pierced my heart that that was even something constantly rambling around in him mind.

So I called him again on my way to the doctor and told him I am very, very sorry that I have added to the stress he’s already been dealing with. I told him that is most definitely not what I’m trying to do, and I will show him. He doesn’t have to keep stuff like to that himself, this is BOTH our relationship, and we need to deal with whatever issues one of us have and work together to work that out. And I love him, so I am open to do what I can to make our relationship a good, healthy place for him, and I expect him to do the same for me.

My Doctor today wants me to double the prescription she gave me at first.

I have some reservations about antidepressants, but I am going to trust her. For now.

[finnime]

I'm so glad you're giving the Zoloft a fair trial, Pink. One of the frustrating things about antidepressants is that it often takes some tinkering to get the right med(s) in the right doses set up. But once it works, it is SUCH a relief.

And I'm glad you and Mister are talking both to professionals and to each other. You deserve all the good.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

When you have anxiety and depression sometimes it is hard to get the right meds.   I read a lot of papers on it because I have the same problem.

Anxiety meds downregulate so your depression can have a tendency to go up.

Depression meds upregulate which means your anxiety goes up.

I got incredibly depressed on mirtazipine.   Wellbutrin made me so hyper I wanted to peel my skin off.

Prestiq seems to be the winner for me.

Ask her about the genetic test when you see her next.  Not all doctors offices offer it but many do.  You do have to "fail" at least two prescriptions before insurance will cover it so you wouldn't qualify yet but it's something to be aware of.   

If I had known that was an option I would have tried again years ago.  As it was I stayed away from them all together because I was scared shitless.  The main reason I gave Wellbutrin a try is because I knew now if I failed I could finally figure out why I am so whacky in regards to medication.

[Pink Cashmere]

Earlier this week, I ordered refills for the medicine I started taking last year for the acid reflux I’d never had before I started having stomach issues, and the medicine I take as needed for nerve pain when my arms and hands start acting up and keeping me up at night with pain and/or numbness. Both prescriptions were still showing as delayed on the pharmacy app, so I called today to ask why.

The acid reflux med, my insurance wants me to get it through mail order. Ok, fine. More importantly, the med for the nerve pain, the pharmacist wanted to speak to me about it before filling it. He said because it is actually an antidepressant, if I take it while I’m taking Zoloft, it can cause Serotonin Syndrome and he asked if my Doctor had talked to me about that. No, she didn’t. I explained that I only take it as needed and why, and asked it if could still cause that even though I don’t take it every day, he said it’s possible, and I should probably talk to my Doctor about it before continuing to take it.

So I called and left a message for my Doctor. She’d already left for the day, so I probably won’t hear back until Monday.

I will keep taking the Zoloft until I talk to her, but the other med has been awesome for dealing with my arms and hands. The pain has been so bad before, that I woke Mister up in the middle of the night, boo hoo crying and begging for him to please help me. He ended up making me go to the ER. He had to literally put my clothes on for me, because my fingers were stuck curled up, and I couldn’t straighten them to use my hand. He tried to straighten them, and I screamed in pain. So he got me dressed. The pain was excruciating, and I have a fairly high tolerance for pain. That was when I was first prescribed that particular medicine. Since then, the first warning sign has been when my hands start going numb and waking me up during the night. That tells me to start taking the medicine for a few days, to avoid the pain that’s likely to come soon. I have compressed nerves in my wrists and elbows, (diagnosed before the ER visit) and possibly a pinched nerve in my neck.

If there’s nothing else I can take for that, and I have to choose, I’d rather take that than the Zoloft. Even with my hands just going numb during the night and waking me up, I don’t need anything else that disrupts my sleep, on top of all the other sleep issues I have. AND, the pain can be almost unbearable when it happens. The night Mister insisted on taking me to the ER, if they had said they needed to cut my arm off with a dull, rusty saw, I would’ve said, DO IT! I am not exaggerating, that’s how bad it was.

I’ve already taken them together some nights, because I didn’t know it was a potential problem. But now I know, and with her increasing the dosage of the Zoloft, I assume it’s even more of a potential problem. I am out of the med for my arms and hands anyway, so I couldn’t take them both right now anyway, even if I wanted to.

I told the pharmacist I spoke to today, that I really, really appreciate him informing and talking to me about the risks. I know Doctors are human too and it’s not realistic to expect them to know everything about everything, so I am very grateful for pharmacists that know more about the drugs Doctors prescribe and how they can interact with each other.

[Pink Cashmere]

Mar 31, 2023 9:23:37 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

When you have anxiety and depression sometimes it is hard to get the right meds.   I read a lot of papers on it because I have the same problem.

Anxiety meds downregulate so your depression can have a tendency to go up.

Depression meds upregulate which means your anxiety goes up.

I got incredibly depressed on mirtazipine.   Wellbutrin made me so hyper I wanted to peel my skin off.

Prestiq seems to be the winner for me.

Ask her about the genetic test when you see her next.  Not all doctors offices offer it but many do.  You do have to "fail" at least two prescriptions before insurance will cover it so you wouldn't qualify yet but it's something to be aware of.   

If I had known that was an option I would have tried again years ago.  As it was I stayed away from them all together because I was scared shitless.  The main reason I gave Wellbutrin a try is because I knew now if I failed I could finally figure out why I am so whacky in regards to medication.

I am whacky in regards to meds too, but opposite of your problems. A lot of meds don’t work for me like they do other people. Back when Doctors were regularly prescribing opiods, I was given prescriptions for them because of my wonky shoulder, and when I had that tooth abscess that caused my jaw to swell so much I looked like a caricature of myself. Low and even medium dosages did absolutely nothing for me. No pain relief at all.

I was always hesitant to admit that to Doctors, and mostly didn’t, because that was during the time when it was being revealed that opioids can be addictive, despite what the pharmaceutical companies had originally said, and I didn’t want my healthcare providers thinking I was an addict trying to abuse the prescriptions. But that didn’t change the fact that it was true, I have a high tolerance for at least some meds, just like I have a high tolerance for alcohol. From the time I was old enough to drink, I’ve been able to outdrink men that are bigger than me and drink more alcohol more regularly (read, some men that were probably alcoholics) than I did. Even with Mister, he’s bigger than me, but if we drink the exact same thing until one of us gets a buzz, it’s always him that gets a buzz first.

I have been prescribed muscle relaxants before, including Flexeril, which a lot of people I know, says knocks them on their ass, and Mister won’t take it because he says it makes him depressed. For me, nothing. It doesn’t knock me out or whatever, and it doesn’t even help with what it’s prescribed for. I might as well just eat a piece of candy, instead of taking it, because the results will be the same.

So I do have issues with medications not working for me like they should, and how they work for most people. I don’t know if that includes antidepressants. I probably should’ve mentioned that to my Doctor, but I didn’t really think about it before today. I do still have some issues with being honest about that kind of thing, because when I had the abscessed tooth that made one side of my face swell up, and she couldn’t do much for me until the swelling went down, I did call my dentist and asked her to prescribe something else for the pain until the swelling went down enough for her to be able to “fix it”.  I tried to be clear that I wasn’t a drug seeker, and practically begged her to prescribe something different that might work better for me, I wasn’t trying to get something stronger than what she’d already prescribed and was asking for something different, and I got nowhere with that, she wouldn’t prescribe anything else for me. 

So yeah, I am reluctant to be totally honest with health care providers about how many meds work for me, because I don’t want to be labeled as a possible addict and drug seeker. 

[finnime]

Pink, since the meds for your neuropathy work well I would definitely impress on your doctor that it's important you continue with them. I don't know how often seratonin syndrome actually occurs. I've been on a cocktail of antidressants for many years now, but they are different from each other. Only one is an SSRI. Anyway, I'm certain out of all there is available something can be found that will help the unique you, and not cause problematic side effects.

I'm very sorry you've had such trouble. Hang in there.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Not all anti depressants are SSRIs.

I cannot take them myself they make me manic. They are also off limits for ny brother they make him suicidal.

I forgot what class Prestiq is.

DH experienced serotonin sickness. Unbeknownst to me he was abusing opioids again and was also on Prozac.

He had a seizure and passed out. He had to go to the ER.

One of the scariest days of my life and I will never forgive him for it.

Otherwise from my understanding it's rare with responsible use but then everyone processes medication differently.

So it's something I take 100% seriously. Tell your doctor you want to try a non SSRI because you're neuropathy treatment is more important. She should respect your concerns.

You'll have to wean off the Zoloft first you can't just switch for similar reasons.

Also be aware on most antidepressants allergy medication and cough syrup can jack with your BP. Again not usually a problem if you don't have heart issues but it's something to be aware of.

I tweaked pretty good on Sudafed the first time I took it while on Prestiq but I'm fine now.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Set an appointment with my therapist.  I got a lot of big emotions going on that were unexpected and landed in my lap late Sunday.   Saturday was awesome but Sunday really punched me in the gut.

Not only am I worried about my FIL but I was going through photos again that my mom took.  I found a notebook in the box that say "Cooking notes" so I opened it.  Yeah that's not what was in there.  Instead there was a list in my mom's handwriting of everything she felt was "wrong" with her.

I plan on burning it.  As it is right now it sits where the kids can't get to it.  Only DH and I know about it's existence and I intend to keep it that way.

Now I'm worried about how much of this type of stuff is floating around the house and one of us is going to stumble on it.  It's partly why I am not super keen on keeping a journal.   If I did I would try to make sure I burn it before I die because I don't want to leave my kids or husband with this stuff and I'm not around to explain context.   I keep my darker thoughts to myself, my therapist or on here.

It hurts because I recognize a lot of my own self negative talk in it.   I know my mom suffered from depression but I am slowly realizing that it was worse than I thought.  It puts some pieces into place when it comes to the puzzle that was their marriage, myself and Bob.

I hurt because I wish she had sought help for it.  Then I feel ashamed for taking so long to get myself help because I can recognize the impact those things have on my relationships now that I am on an anti-depressant myself.  I worry now more about Gwen and Abby too.

My tattoo is weighing on me as well.  I love it and cherish it but I told DH I guess moving from concept to reality was a bigger step than I realized.  Seeing it on my back was a bigger gut punch than I anticipated.  Especially because I did it to bridge the gap between myself, my mother and my grandmother.  I wish I had been a better person and said more of those things when they were alive but that's just not how my family operates.   All I can do is demonstrate my love now.  

[TheOtherMe]

I got rid of all of my journals.  I do not want another person reading those after I am gone.  

[azucena]

Wow, Drama, once again you have a lot going on. I think if I came across anything like that after someone passes, I'd just burn it without reading it. Easier said than done, of course.

Sorry to read about your FIL. My cousin is sending daily updates about her mom and dad's colliding health issues. It's only a matter of time before we have the same with my mom and my MIL.

I worry about my girls inheriting my depression too. It's evident that they already have the anxiety part. I try to flip the script though and use it to make me even more focused on taking care of myself and modeling good mental health care.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I don't plan on reading any other books I come across from here on out.   My dad beat himself up pretty bad reading my mom's poetry.   I get it was her outlet but a part of me resents her printing it.  She could have just as easily put it behind a password protected folder.  I *think* we found every copy of the one she wrote about Bob.  Dad and I agreed he should never read it.

I've tried to explain it to DH when he wants me to tell him "everything".  No you really don't because there are some things that once said out loud you cannot take them back and I know it's my depression/anxiety talking.  

It's why I was so happy when I found the graduation note my great grandmother wrote my dad.   There was really bad blood between them when she died.  I was 12 when she passed so I don't remember much only what I've been told since.  My dad said he knows a lot of it was the drugs they had her on but you can't take back some of those things.   So it was nice for him to read that and understand she didn't truly feel the things she said said to him.

Finding that book was the opposite for me.  I am really not sure how to process it.   I had no idea my mom's depression ran that deep.

And I worry about DH too.  He turned to alcohol when his mom died and IDK how he spins it he's become an alcoholic since.  I am dreading what is going to happen if we lose his dad so close together after his mother.

[finnime]

It's extraordinarily hard to see parents, especially mothers, as people with all their foibles. I think most people manage only with great difficulty, some of the time. My own mother, who I loved dearly, was an alcoholic from the time I was 12 until she died of cirrhosis. She fought mightily against depreesion in those years. She was also a wonderful, smart and capable person, a director of nursing and the mother of 5 born in 6 years start to finish. I don't know what she might have written had she kept a journal, but I bet it would have hurt some part of me to read it. One reason I write fiction is to put at a distance those feelings that would be too raw for someone I loved. Like my DD or DS, or DH.

You do have an awful lot going on, Drama, as azucena commented. I don't know how you keep the plates spinning. I am glad you're finding some medical help for the depression and anxiety you are challenged by.

[finnime]

After a lot of thinking and planning I told DD we will pay her rent for 3 more months then plan on moving her up here. She'll stay with us for a time, I hope not longer than 2 months or so, while we find an affordable apartment. It is much more reasonable--lower COL--here than in metro D.C. This plan is what we can afford.

She was distraught but not completely destroyed by the news. She feels so deeply ashamed and horrified at having been scammed when she knows better. She is too vulnerable without me closer at hand, I think.

THe plan is to move her in July, so she'll be out of her current very nice apartment by August 1. It has given her refuge in the aftermath of her divorce. I'm glad she had it, a place to heal. But the time has clearly come to move on. I wish this was a choice she was able to make without pressure but it is what it is.

Bipolar people often spend money they don't have; it's a real symptom along with other out of control behavior. DD is much much better than she was but I think this will always be a struggle for her. She just doesn't have that internal governor. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Apr 3, 2023 20:18:51 GMT -5 finnime said:

It's extraordinarily hard to see parents, especially mothers, as people with all their foibles. I think most people manage only with great difficulty, some of the time. My own mother, who I loved dearly, was an alcoholic from the time I was 12 until she died of cirrhosis. She fought mightily against depreesion in those years. She was also a wonderful, smart and capable person, a director of nursing and the mother of 5 born in 6 years start to finish. I don't know what she might have written had she kept a journal, but I bet it would have hurt some part of me to read it. One reason I write fiction is to put at a distance those feelings that would be too raw for someone I loved. Like my DD or DS, or DH.

You do have an awful lot going on, Drama, as azucena commented. I don't know how you keep the plates spinning. I am glad you're finding some medical help for the depression and anxiety you are challenged by.

I see a lot of me in what she wrote.   I wish she had been more open about it because perhaps that would have helped me. 

One of the things that has surprised me since she passed is my dad and I are a lot more open with each other about our mental health struggles lately.  I consider that a good thing because I've spent far too long holding it in as a source of shame and the belief that these things are best kept private.
 
I wish she had gotten help.   I get where she was coming from I inherited my whacky drug metabolism from her but I don't ever consider it too late.  Perhaps if I could have told her about the genetic test she could have found something too.

Gwen recently went on Prozac for anxiety.  We had a talk about it.  Her BFF is also on anxiety medication.  We all had a good laugh when she spent the night because at around 8 pm there were four alarms going off.  The only one not taking medication was Abby.   I joked that it's like we're on the set of Oprah "You get medication, you get medication, everyone gets medication!"

I hope I am doing a better job of encouraging the girls to speak up and showing them it's important to get help and that we will assist with that as we can.   She fought us at first but we told her that outburst she had a couple weeks ago was not normal pre-teen girl shit.   It concerned us enough that we wanted to get her screened and that is not a bad thing.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

And to toot my own horn I am getting really good at compartmentalizing though that may not be a 100% good thing.   I got the crystal clear message that I cannot let personal stuff bleed into work anymore so I discussed tools with the therapist to help me shunt the personal stuff aside for 8 hours a day.

I got the comment at my last meeting that I will get a good annual review but that I was "really close" to getting a bad one.  Ummm . ..awesome?  I am sorry I am human and that life finally got to a point where it actually broke me.  Like I swear I heard the "snap" like in Percy Jackson when Dionysus makes all the soldiers go crazy.

At any rate mission accomplished though it did apparently give me a glazed look all the day.  The coworker I regularly hang out with commented that I looked far away and asked if I was okay.

Nope but I am getting real good at pretending to a good normal corporate peon!

Like I need regular reminders I picked the worst time ever to switch jobs.

[finnime]

You're a very good and supportive mother, Drama.

[finnime]

And good for you on the compartmentalization, too. It's damn hard but essential.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Apr 4, 2023 8:52:14 GMT -5 finnime said:

And good for you on the compartmentalization, too. It's damn hard but essential.

It's exhausting.   I want to collapse into bed as soon as I get home.   

[azucena]

Drama - hopefully this will make you laugh. I had a msg to meet with head honcho boss on Friday with the note "nothing bad." Okay.  Yeah, meeting was about how I've been recognized as a high-achiever for a few years in a row so they signed me up for a two year internal grooming program. Pretty sure it meets at least monthly and will be fluffy, soft skill stuff that I have to force myself to care about. And, it will involve at least 3 trips, one might be international. Trying to spin that in my head as good but it's not working. I don't want extra in my life. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a good way to get out of it.

And, I get to complete a 10 page individual development plan to help them determine my career goals so they can fully support me. Career goal #1 - go back to flying under the radar so people leave me alone. #2 - stay in current role until retirement. Pretty sure neither of those are what they have in mind. Oh, and this plan is due by Friday at noon. Not busting my ass to fit that in when I have key work projects due this week that I'm way behind on. Partly bc of internal scuffling and partly bc my give an eff is broken right now so procrastination became a survival tool.

Am I 65 yet?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I CONSTANTLY get dinged for my "customer service" to the point where someone actually bitched about me "not smiling enough" in a survey they send out.  I am "the face of the lab" and the "most important person" yada yada.

Oh and I am always getting dinged because I need to make sure I keep my area super duper clean "like nobody was here" in case someone important visits like the Queen of England or whoever.

I work in a lab because I hate people.  I also have RBF and I am neurodivergent.  So it takes A LOT of energy for me to keep my customer service mask on at all times in case someone gets butt hurt that I didn't say "Hello!" and drags our approval ratings down.

Yet I can only get a 3 on my review and at most will get a 3% raise.   Yeah that totally motivates me.

[swamp]

Apr 4, 2023 12:28:50 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I CONSTANTLY get dinged for my "customer service" to the point where someone actually bitched about me "not smiling enough" in a survey they send out.  I am "the face of the lab" and the "most important person" yada yada.

Oh and I am always getting dinged because I need to make sure I keep my area super duper clean "like nobody was here" in case someone important visits like the Queen of England or whoever.

I work in a lab because I hate people.  I also have RBF and I am neurodivergent.  So it takes A LOT of energy for me to keep my customer service mask on at all times in case someone gets butt hurt that I didn't say "Hello!" and drags our approval ratings down.

Yet I can only get a 3 on my review and at most will get a 3% raise.   Yeah that totally motivates me.

Why can't employers realize that some of us just aren't smiley happy people.   I'm polite, kind, and helpful, but I'm pretty standoffish and not a warm fuzzy person.  

I probably chose appropriately in being a lawyer because sometimes it's OK to a brusque. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Apr 4, 2023 13:52:30 GMT -5 swamp said:

Apr 4, 2023 12:28:50 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I CONSTANTLY get dinged for my "customer service" to the point where someone actually bitched about me "not smiling enough" in a survey they send out.  I am "the face of the lab" and the "most important person" yada yada.

Oh and I am always getting dinged because I need to make sure I keep my area super duper clean "like nobody was here" in case someone important visits like the Queen of England or whoever.

I work in a lab because I hate people.  I also have RBF and I am neurodivergent.  So it takes A LOT of energy for me to keep my customer service mask on at all times in case someone gets butt hurt that I didn't say "Hello!" and drags our approval ratings down.

Yet I can only get a 3 on my review and at most will get a 3% raise.   Yeah that totally motivates me.

Why can't employers realize that some of us just aren't smiley happy people.   I'm polite, kind, and helpful, but I'm pretty standoffish and not a warm fuzzy person.  

I probably chose appropriately in being a lawyer because sometimes it's OK to a brusque. 

Right?  I was so tempted to point out that Target is getting desperate enough for workers that their wages are approaching what I make.  If I am going to be made to put on my customer service face I might as well go back to it.  It'd be a hell of an easier job than what I chose to go into for a living.

I was really confused.  I said I've never ignored people who have questions and I am happy to help.   No one single person that I deal with on the regular is displeased with me and I get along with everyone in the lab.

"Well some people feel intimidated walking in and not seeing a friendly face who greets them".

Well someone needs to pull the stick out of their ass and quit being a fucking snowflake then.


I work IN A LAB.   People who work in labs are more like Sheldon Cooper than Penny.   Maybe not all as extreme as Sheldon but overall the show is pretty accurate based on my 14 years in science.  I thought this was common knowledge. 

[wvugurl26]

I have gotten feedback that I'm too edgy or whatever. Well when I'm doing the work of three people something has to give.

I have total RBF too. I have never not addressed their issues. But I wasn't nice enough when I did it. I also note that this feedback came from two male directors who were new to working with me.

As long as you competently do your job, I don't care. I definitely struggle with niceties and all that especially via email. I'm some better on the phone and I'm fine at it with people I'm closer with in this organization but people I only deal with a few times a year? Nope.