TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Sept 6, 2022 16:05:16 GMT -5
That's what ours did swamp Once computers came to be, they even got online subscriptions to try to find people. At least they invited us and made that effort. I was in high school during the time of the race riots of the late 60's. We treated our Black classmates terribly and I so wish I could have a redo on that. Our student section had 4 corners. One for the seniors, juniors, sophomores and Blacks. How horrible and racist was that? The big riot that got our high school in the national news happened in the student center after the Black students dared to sit in the senior corner. Only the senior corner had any seating. What turned in to a riot started there and got really ugly. Some arrests were made. The student center was closed immediately and never reopened. We only had the cafeteria which wasn't big enough to handle everyone. When an addition was done, a new student center was built and it has no corners. The walls are curved. Don't know what happened to anyone except for the President of our Student Council. He was made to transfer to another high school but all charges were dropped. Somehow the yearbook committee still managed to get his photo in the yearbook and he has gone to every reunion. He was actually one of the few clique kids who would talk to me and treated me like I was a real person. Treated me the same way at the two class reunions I attended. The person who has kept track of all the addresses said that by the time of the 40th reunion, every Black student in our class had requested their name be removed from their list. She said it was our fault and I feel the same way. We were considered to be the most dangerous high school in the state in 1969 and the school is still considered to be the most dangerous high school in the state. School boundaries have changed so it's mostly Black and Hispanic students. White students are the minority. In the last 5 years, they have had schools from rich white suburbs refuse to play football on our field or basketball on our court because it's so dangerous. There was a shooting there last spring but it just happened to take place at the school. Some gang members were having a fight and two students who happened to be standing outside on their lunch hour got shot. One of them was so badly injured, she is still not back in school. The gang members were arrested and charged with attempted murder but that isn't considered a school shooting because it only involved 2 students.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Sept 6, 2022 20:55:17 GMT -5
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 12, 2022 8:39:25 GMT -5
Not sure if this fits here but I think you guys might understand what I am going through. So I had a massive panic attack yesterday at the store because I realized my entire carefully crafted narrative about being in control is a lie. I don't control anything. I keep thinking what is the point if I am not the master of my universe? I am at the mercy of so much stuff that is outside of me. I have considered going back on medication not so I can feel normal but so I don't feel anything. Then I can go back to being the little drone that everything needs me to be and not question life anymore. Everyone will be happy and not mad at my out of control behavior anymore. Drug myself into compliance pretty much. IDK if this is depression or this is my ADD out of control. I need routine and carefully crafted narratives/structure so I can function in the manner required to be a member of society. Well that's fallen apart with everything that has happened and it's started a rather alarmingly fast tumble into pondering what ELSE do I not have control over in my life? I am struggling to work through that coping method where you list what things you do have control over because I keep circling around to "yeah BUT . ." I really hate my life right now to the point where I want to burn it all down just to have five minutes of calm. This is on top of pondering how much of this is my mom dying and how much of it is the dawning of the fact that decades of microagressions have taught me I am not allowed to have emotions outside of the ones required to suit the situation and it's not that I am "out of control" it's I can't pretend anymore and I am finally experiencing emotions as men are allowed to experience them.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Sept 12, 2022 9:00:25 GMT -5
Not sure if this fits here but I think you guys might understand what I am going through. So I had a massive panic attack yesterday at the store because I realized my entire carefully crafted narrative about being in control is a lie. I don't control anything. I keep thinking what is the point if I am not the master of my universe? I am at the mercy of so much stuff that is outside of me. I have considered going back on medication not so I can feel normal but so I don't feel anything. Then I can go back to being the little drone that everything needs me to be and not question life anymore. Everyone will be happy and not mad at my out of control behavior anymore. Drug myself into compliance pretty much. IDK if this is depression or this is my ADD out of control. I need routine and carefully crafted narratives/structure so I can function in the manner required to be a member of society. Well that's fallen apart with everything that has happened and it's started a rather alarmingly fast tumble into pondering what ELSE do I not have control over in my life? I am struggling to work through that coping method where you list what things you do have control over because I keep circling around to "yeah BUT . ." I really hate my life right now to the point where I want to burn it all down just to have five minutes of calm. This is on top of pondering how much of this is my mom dying and how much of it is the dawning of the fact that decades of microagressions have taught me I am not allowed to have emotions outside of the ones required to suit the situation and it's not that I am "out of control" it's I can't pretend anymore and I am finally experiencing emotions as men are allowed to experience them. Are you turning 40? Recently turned 40? This is kind of a normal middle age reckoning mixed with your recent traumas, and probably some depression and ADD mixed in. I remember this stage well. I don't have the ADD, but I have everything else. I muddled through and now I have zero fucks left to give.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Sept 12, 2022 9:43:42 GMT -5
I would say, because it was true for me, that your mom dying was a catalyst for a lot of bruising realization to come to the fore. And what swamp said, that you getting into a new age cohort where you're not young adult any more, but fully adult. And adulting kind of sucks, a lot of it. You are coming into your own, not all about meeting others' expectations any more. It all adds up. Anxiety and depression are not uncommon with all the shit you're going through. I admire how you are grappling with it all, still on your feet, ready to fight on.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 12, 2022 10:02:28 GMT -5
I would say, because it was true for me, that your mom dying was a catalyst for a lot of bruising realization to come to the fore. And what swamp said, that you getting into a new age cohort where you're not young adult any more, but fully adult. And adulting kind of sucks, a lot of it. You are coming into your own, not all about meeting others' expectations any more. It all adds up. Anxiety and depression are not uncommon with all the shit you're going through. I admire how you are grappling with it all, still on your feet, ready to fight on. I told the therapist I would not be surprised if I am diagnosed with a brain tumor somewhere down the road. All the shit I am repressing so I can stay standing has to be going somewhere. I told DH that I can't hold it all in anymore. My mom dying was too much. I said it's like an Amazon "If you liked this" list of resentment/anger/trauma. So we saw your mom died here are some other things you might want to be pissed about for your consideration. And yes I will be 40 next year. I was already dealing with reconciling how I want the next phase of my life to be. Then I added up based on my grandfather and my mother I could potentially have only another 20 years on this year. Do I really want to spend it dealing with all the crap I have for the previous 20? Short of burning down the world I am trying to figure out how the fuck I settle for what I got again and it's not working.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Sept 12, 2022 10:09:30 GMT -5
I would say, because it was true for me, that your mom dying was a catalyst for a lot of bruising realization to come to the fore. And what swamp said, that you getting into a new age cohort where you're not young adult any more, but fully adult. And adulting kind of sucks, a lot of it. You are coming into your own, not all about meeting others' expectations any more. It all adds up. Anxiety and depression are not uncommon with all the shit you're going through. I admire how you are grappling with it all, still on your feet, ready to fight on. I told the therapist I would not be surprised if I am diagnosed with a brain tumor somewhere down the road. All the shit I am repressing so I can stay standing has to be going somewhere. I told DH that I can't hold it all in anymore. My mom dying was too much. I said it's like an Amazon "If you liked this" list of resentment/anger/trauma. So we saw your mom died here are some other things you might want to be pissed about for your consideration. And yes I will be 40 next year. I was already dealing with reconciling how I want the next phase of my life to be. Then I added up based on my grandfather and my mother I could potentially have only another 20 years on this year. Do I really want to spend it dealing with all the crap I have for the previous 20? Short of burning down the world I am trying to figure out how the fuck I settle for what I got again and it's not working. We are conditioned not to be angry, and then something happens were we really have a right to be angry and can't hold it in anymore (like your mom dying). And then you start realizing how much more you are angry about, and how you've bent to everyone in the world except what you want. And now you don't know what you want but you've got so many responsiblities that you can't just chuck everything once you figure out what you do want. You're figuring out how to reconcile what you really have to do with what you want. It's a struggle. I hear you. I got you.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 12, 2022 10:17:51 GMT -5
I told the therapist I would not be surprised if I am diagnosed with a brain tumor somewhere down the road. All the shit I am repressing so I can stay standing has to be going somewhere. I told DH that I can't hold it all in anymore. My mom dying was too much. I said it's like an Amazon "If you liked this" list of resentment/anger/trauma. So we saw your mom died here are some other things you might want to be pissed about for your consideration. And yes I will be 40 next year. I was already dealing with reconciling how I want the next phase of my life to be. Then I added up based on my grandfather and my mother I could potentially have only another 20 years on this year. Do I really want to spend it dealing with all the crap I have for the previous 20? Short of burning down the world I am trying to figure out how the fuck I settle for what I got again and it's not working. We are conditioned not to be angry, and then something happens were we really have a right to be angry and can't hold it in anymore (like your mom dying). And then you start realizing how much more you are angry about, and how you've bent to everyone in the world except what you want. And now you don't know what you want but you've got so many responsiblities that you can't just chuck everything once you figure out what you do want. You're figuring out how to reconcile what you really have to do with what you want. It's a struggle. I hear you. I got you.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Sept 12, 2022 10:20:44 GMT -5
That will be 5 cents, please.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Sept 12, 2022 10:32:31 GMT -5
Sadly, I think I gave up the idea of being "in control of my destiny" back in my 30's. There was too much hitting the fan at the time, and events were controlling my life, much more than I was. That "5 Year Plan" or "Ten Year Plan" stuff never worked out for me, because stupid stuff was always happening, whether it was parents, kids, job losses, whatever. For me, I'm kind of at the Mother Theresa mindset of "according to need". I take care of the urgent stuff, but screw everything else. I need time to recharge, too. And, if that makes me a bit selfish, so be it. Now, where is that chocolate I've been hiding from the kids...
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 12, 2022 11:20:33 GMT -5
Going through all this I revisit Grease and the 90s Disney Princesses because you see click bait after click bait about why they are such awful characters for "changing". All of them have songs early on in the story about how they are dissatisfied with the status quo and want change. But they don't know how to go against convention and expectations of them, which is exactly what we do to real live women. Then Danny, Aladdin, the Beast, Eric all come along to shake things up and make them question the status quo. Yeah that the narrative is driven by a guy showing up has it's thematic issues but are we actually mad about the "being saved by a price" or are we being told we are supposed to be mad about it because when the men appear the women defy convention, embrace their own destiny and do it by the means that happen to stroll into their lives? Because everyone seems to forget Danny changed for Sandy. And I think that is because he went from bad boy to a jock. OF COURSE he was going to change Sandy is a good girl and providing a good example for him to lead by. SHE changes by owning her own sexuality. Most of "You're the one that I want" is about her owning her sexuality and demanding what she is owed from Danny. Can't have a woman doing that! Ariel has a whole damn song about wanting to be in the human world but her daddy wants her to obey him. He wrecks all her treasures in a fit of rage. She didn't choose to get legs BECAUSE of Eric. The deal with Ursula was her ticket into the human world. Eric was a bonus. Then we find out the whole damn time Triton could have used his magic to give her legs to begin with! Belle was considered a freak by her village because she read and because she wasn't horny over Gaston. The beast very clearly upfront explains to her the deal for freeing her father. She accepts it, he doesn't "force" her into anything. He over time comes to respect her and recognize her for who she is. Did he "brainwash" her via Stolkhome Syndrome or did she finally find a place where she was accepted and took it? Jasmine doesn't want to be forced into marriage. Why does that mean she can't get married at all? Isn't her picking Aladdin and getting her father to conclude the law was bullshit achieving the same goal? There are problems in any story if you look hard enough. I fully admit Disney, especially early Disney movies, do have A LOT of problems that need addressed on why that isn't cool. But in regards to the princess part are we actually addressing the problem or are we being carefully fed a different message that we are eagerly parroting in the name of being feminists? Are we mad because Sandy changed or are we being told to be mad because Sandy changed from the ideal good girl into a sex charged Pink Lady? Are we supposed to be mad at Ariel and Jasmine because of Aladdin and Eric or are we supposed to be mad at them because they defied their fathers who represent the established patriarchy? Are we supposed to be mad at Belle over choosing the Beast or are we supposed to be mad at her because she doesn't politely demur to Gaston and his attentions and instead tosses him into the pig sty? And look what she made him do! He was going to lock up her father and start a riot! If only she had been properly grateful for his attention!
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Sept 12, 2022 13:40:58 GMT -5
"burn it all down just to have five minutes of calm" - I've felt this more often than I'd like when processing trauma.
Not that you should take medical advice from internet strangers, but one of the best things done for me was when my psych nurse put me on 10 mg of propanolol twice a day. Haven't had a panic attack since. It's a low dose of a heart med and my laywoman interpretation is that it doesn't allow the physical heart racing that precedes a panic attack. Before I started it, I was in that state of dreading the next panic attack so much that I caused it with my worrying about it.
Watch that the anger doesn't overshadow the sad if that makes sense. For me, it's always easier to feel mad than to let myself feel sad enough to cry.
I can't let myself get too deep into the what I can't control narrative. It's just way too overwhelming for me. I'm better focusing one day at a time.
Keep processing here if it helps. Like Swamp and Fin said, we got you.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Sept 13, 2022 7:10:54 GMT -5
A doubly damning issue with being a woman in our culture is not just that we are taught to never express anger, but that we are told we have no right to our anger. We are not allowed to feel what we feel. "Don't be angry" is a profoundly twisted message to get. Don't feel that way.
Being unable to control even those aspects of our lives that are within our control by rights is another crazy-making aspect of female life. Your body, but not your body.
Meditation helps me deal. Also, getting older. I'm just not as reactive as I was in earlier phases of life. Not sure if that's because I've gotten better at maintaining calm or if I genuinely am less volatile now that hormone surges are quieted. I do recognize that I'm not good at accepting my feelings. I'm extremely good at thinking; feeling, not so much. I married a man that is good with feelings, so that helps.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 13, 2022 8:43:33 GMT -5
A doubly damning issue with being a woman in our culture is not just that we are taught to never express anger, but that we are told we have no right to our anger. We are not allowed to feel what we feel. "Don't be angry" is a profoundly twisted message to get. Don't feel that way. Being unable to control even those aspects of our lives that are within our control by rights is another crazy-making aspect of female life. Your body, but not your body. Meditation helps me deal. Also, getting older. I'm just not as reactive as I was in earlier phases of life. Not sure if that's because I've gotten better at maintaining calm or if I genuinely am less volatile now that hormone surges are quieted. I do recognize that I'm not good at accepting my feelings. I'm extremely good at thinking; feeling, not so much. I married a man that is good with feelings, so that helps. I was talking to DH about this. Your whole life when you are a girl is about being taught to "act mature". You are reminded constantly boys are allowed to be the way they are because they don't mature as fast as you and you need to lead by example. It's a mark of pride for a girl to be an adult at a very early age. I have A LOT of reasons to be angry A LOT. I hate my entire life right now because I've spent it all doing what was best for others. And what did it get me? You guys know pretty much everything that has gone on and now it's all starting to catch up to me thanks to inflation. My entire life is falling apart and I have nobody to blame for it but my shitty life choices. I am SO TIRED of being responsible and mature and the mother whether it be to my kids, my husband or the lab. What is all that going to get me? I am going to die in the hospital having given every last bit of myself to other people just like my mom. She had dreams and ambitions but put all those away because she had me instead. And if one more person mentions self care I am going to punch them. That is a sham designed to get women to accept our lot in exchange for getting a bubble bath or a piece of chocolate. It makes me feel like a dog being trained. "ooh whose a good girl who gave up her dreams of getting a PhD to marry a man child addict who has managed to fuck up her finances to where she is going to turn 40 and she is still living paycheck to paycheck?" "Who is the good girl who tries to give her oldest what she wants only to have her tell her all the ways she sucks as a mother because she doesn't buy a cake pop at Target?" Here's your Snausage!
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anciana
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Post by anciana on Sept 13, 2022 8:56:37 GMT -5
A doubly damning issue with being a woman in our culture is not just that we are taught to never express anger, but that we are told we have no right to our anger. We are not allowed to feel what we feel. "Don't be angry" is a profoundly twisted message to get. Don't feel that way. Being unable to control even those aspects of our lives that are within our control by rights is another crazy-making aspect of female life. Your body, but not your body. Meditation helps me deal. Also, getting older. I'm just not as reactive as I was in earlier phases of life. Not sure if that's because I've gotten better at maintaining calm or if I genuinely am less volatile now that hormone surges are quieted. I do recognize that I'm not good at accepting my feelings. I'm extremely good at thinking; feeling, not so much. I married a man that is good with feelings, so that helps. I was talking to DH about this. Your whole life when you are a girl is about being taught to "act mature". You are reminded constantly boys are allowed to be the way they are because they don't mature as fast as you and you need to lead by example. It's a mark of pride for a girl to be an adult at a very early age. I have A LOT of reasons to be angry A LOT. I hate my entire life right now because I've spent it all doing what was best for others. And what did it get me? You guys know pretty much everything that has gone on and now it's all starting to catch up to me thanks to inflation. My entire life is falling apart and I have nobody to blame for it but my shitty life choices. I am SO TIRED of being responsible and mature and the mother whether it be to my kids, my husband or the lab. What is all that going to get me? I am going to die in the hospital having given every last bit of myself to other people just like my mom. She had dreams and ambitions but put all those away because she had me instead. And if one more person mentions self care I am going to punch them. That is a sham designed to get women to accept our lot in exchange for getting a bubble bath or a piece of chocolate. It makes me feel like a dog being trained. "ooh whose a good girl who gave up her financial stability by marrying an addict?" here's your Snausage! I hear you, Drama, and I am so sorry you are in so much pain. All of you are bringing up so many good points that resonate, I just don't know what to do about any of it
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Sept 13, 2022 13:27:56 GMT -5
Drama, I am sorry.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Sept 13, 2022 18:34:52 GMT -5
I wish I knew what to say that would help. I hear you and I see you.
I'm so sorry for your pain.
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on Sept 14, 2022 1:36:40 GMT -5
Drama, I hope you find peace and comfort soon.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Sept 14, 2022 17:59:07 GMT -5
Taking a time out by myself even though I'm really hungry for dinner. I got all of the leftoevers out to a chorus of 'that again' and just had to leave the room. I can't continue to be the only parent helping both girls cope with their anxiety particularly when my own anxiety is high right now with constant work drama and DHs PC gaming every single night.
Each girl bites my head off multiple times per evening and it's taking a toll even though they are getting better at saying sorry later without prompting. Both of them are stressed about too many things.
I went and played softball last night and even though I was so tired as I drove to an 830 gaming wondering why I agreed to play. I really enjoyed myself when I got there. Then, got home at 1130 after the doubleheader to find DH in bed asleep. Pretty hard not to take it personally that he hasn't come to bed before midnight in weeks.
Going to take DD14 to choir practice and pop over to get a pedicure. Will bring my book along to really zone out.
Going to suggest dd9 ask dad about minecraft building. She's obsessed and driving me crazy about wanting to watch YouTube builds, link up with friends, and generally be on the tablet way more than I'll allow. Meanwhile, I walk away and she can get him to say yes instantly. Going to use that to my advantage to see if they can't work together on it. He'll get something of a gaming fix and she'll at least have his attn.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Sept 14, 2022 19:23:55 GMT -5
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anciana
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Post by anciana on Sept 14, 2022 19:39:23 GMT -5
That’s really hurtful, azucena, especially night after night. Glad you were able to do something just for yourself and found fulfillment though. I would notice the same thing, seemed like such a hassle getting wherever I needed to go, but once there, I had good time and it lifted my spirits. Good idea about getting DD9 and DH to connect.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Sept 14, 2022 20:23:03 GMT -5
DQ, you've obviously thought about this a lot. I look at it very differently because I generally feel one man, one woman, or one anything cannot and should not represent an entire thing like the patriarchy. Plus, I don't generally care about supposed to be's unless I really need to like at a job or obeying traffic rules.
Disney tells stories. Some of them of them are based on very old stories like Ariel and the Little Mermaid, first published in 1837. Ariel and Jasmine are the heroines of their stories. It's a personal choice IMO as to what you choose to feel about their fathers and the young men in their path.
For Beauty in the Beast, I think it's even more simple. She's the heroine who rescues the Beast who also rescues her. Disney is clear in portraying Gaston as a self-involved entitled asshole. It is a slice of life to show that indeed the Gaston's of the world do prey on pretty women they feel are vulnerable and will do what they can to win including ruining family members of the object of their lust.
I think where the stories fall short is that they rarely portray that life might be as messy as coming of age or even worse. Like what you are dealing with and have been dealing with recently. We can't choose when or if the disasters in our personal lives happen any more than we got to choose when and how the pandemic came & happened.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Sept 14, 2022 20:35:02 GMT -5
A doubly damning issue with being a woman in our culture is not just that we are taught to never express anger, but that we are told we have no right to our anger. We are not allowed to feel what we feel. "Don't be angry" is a profoundly twisted message to get. Don't feel that way. Being unable to control even those aspects of our lives that are within our control by rights is another crazy-making aspect of female life. Your body, but not your body. Meditation helps me deal. Also, getting older. I'm just not as reactive as I was in earlier phases of life. Not sure if that's because I've gotten better at maintaining calm or if I genuinely am less volatile now that hormone surges are quieted. I do recognize that I'm not good at accepting my feelings. I'm extremely good at thinking; feeling, not so much. I married a man that is good with feelings, so that helps. We are entitled to our anger, but I agree society really does its best to repress female anger. Society tries to repress male sadness with the big boys don't cry shit. Its unhealthy and I think channels women to sadness because too much anger isn't allowed and men to anger and even rage because they aren't supposed to grieve things or be sad at least not for long. I hope for all of us to push the boundaries so we as a society can move to a saner expectation where both women and men are allowed and even encouraged to express anger and sadness in healthy ways.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Sept 15, 2022 4:42:54 GMT -5
Sorry your DH is being such a pill, azucena, just when you need him to step up. I hope you drawing a circle around your younger DD and him will draw him in. I'd be ticked off, too, if DH repeatedly ducked family for his own pursuits, be it gaming or sleep.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 15, 2022 8:02:05 GMT -5
Taking a time out by myself even though I'm really hungry for dinner. I got all of the leftoevers out to a chorus of 'that again' and just had to leave the room. I can't continue to be the only parent helping both girls cope with their anxiety particularly when my own anxiety is high right now with constant work drama and DHs PC gaming every single night. Each girl bites my head off multiple times per evening and it's taking a toll even though they are getting better at saying sorry later without prompting. Both of them are stressed about too many things. I went and played softball last night and even though I was so tired as I drove to an 830 gaming wondering why I agreed to play. I really enjoyed myself when I got there. Then, got home at 1130 after the doubleheader to find DH in bed asleep. Pretty hard not to take it personally that he hasn't come to bed before midnight in weeks. Going to take DD14 to choir practice and pop over to get a pedicure. Will bring my book along to really zone out. Going to suggest dd9 ask dad about minecraft building. She's obsessed and driving me crazy about wanting to watch YouTube builds, link up with friends, and generally be on the tablet way more than I'll allow. Meanwhile, I walk away and she can get him to say yes instantly. Going to use that to my advantage to see if they can't work together on it. He'll get something of a gaming fix and she'll at least have his attn. My pediatrician told me in regards to breastfeeding that sanity comes over principal. I think that can be applicable in a lot of ways. If you think that getting her to obsess over Minecraft with her dad instead of you leaving you some space then screen time is worth compromising over.
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anciana
Well-Known Member
Joined: Sept 20, 2011 11:34:57 GMT -5
Posts: 1,084
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Post by anciana on Sept 15, 2022 9:15:48 GMT -5
DQ, you've obviously thought about this a lot. I look at it very differently because I generally feel one man, one woman, or one anything cannot and should not represent an entire thing like the patriarchy. Plus, I don't generally care about supposed to be's unless I really need to like at a job or obeying traffic rules. Disney tells stories. Some of them of them are based on very old stories like Ariel and the Little Mermaid, first published in 1837. Ariel and Jasmine are the heroines of their stories. It's a personal choice IMO as to what you choose to feel about their fathers and the young men in their path. For Beauty in the Beast, I think it's even more simple. She's the heroine who rescues the Beast who also rescues her. Disney is clear in portraying Gaston as a self-involved entitled asshole. It is a slice of life to show that indeed the Gaston's of the world do prey on pretty women they feel are vulnerable and will do what they can to win including ruining family members of the object of their lust. I think where the stories fall short is that they rarely portray that life might be as messy as coming of age or even worse. Like what you are dealing with and have been dealing with recently. We can't choose when or if the disasters in our personal lives happen any more than we got to choose when and how the pandemic came & happened. NomoreDramaQ1015 has such an extraordinary insight and as painful as it was to read about what she sees behind those Disney stories, I marvel at her perceptiveness. I thought I was smart when I figured out the few layers in the Zootopia movie but I am sure she's seen several more. I kind of wish she would take a look at my life and tell me straight up what is behind all these feelings I have. Why the anger and fear and resentment, and what it really means
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finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
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Post by finnime on Sept 21, 2022 8:08:23 GMT -5
This is new:
US adults should get routine anxiety screening, panel says
By Lindsey Tanner | AP
September 20, 2022 at 11:18 a.m. EDT
An influential health guidelines group says U.S. doctors should regularly screen adults for anxiety. It’s the first time the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force has recommended anxiety screening in primary care for adults without symptoms. The report released Tuesday, Sept. 20, 2022 is open for public comment until Oct. 17.
U.S. doctors should regularly screen all adults under 65 for anxiety, an influential health guidelines group proposed Tuesday.
It’s the first time the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force has recommended anxiety screening in primary care for adults without symptoms. The proposal is open for public comment until Oct. 17, but the group usually affirms its draft guidance.
The recommendations are based on a review that began before the COVID-19 pandemic, evaluating studies showing potential benefits and risks from screening. Given reports of a surge in mental health problems linked with pandemic isolation and stress, the guidance is “very timely,” said Lori Pbert, a task force member and co-author. Pbert is a psychologist-researcher at the University of Massachusetts’ Chan Medical School.
The task force said evidence for benefits, including effective treatments, outweighs any risks, which include inaccurate screening results that could lead to unnecessary follow-up care.
Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health complaints, affecting about 40% of U.S. women at some point in their lives and more than 1 in 4 men, Pbert noted.
Black people, those living in poverty, people who have lost partners and those who have other mental health issues are among adults who face higher risks for developing anxiety, which can manifest as panic attacks, phobias or feeling always on edge. Also, about 1 in 10 pregnant and postpartum women experience anxiety.
Common screening tools include brief questionnaires about symptoms such as fears and worries that interfere with usual activities. These can easily be given in a primary care setting, the task force said, although it didn’t specify how often patients should be screened.
“The most important thing to recognize is that a screening test alone is not sufficient to diagnose anxiety,” Pbert said. The next step is a more thorough evaluation by a mental health professional, though Pbert acknowledged that finding mental health care can be difficult given shortages of specialists.
Megan Whalen, a 31-year-old marketing specialist who was diagnosed with anxiety in 2013, says regular doctors should screen for mental health issues as commonly as they do for physical problems.
“Health is health, whether the problem is visible or not,” said Whalen, of Hoboken, New Jersey.
She has gotten help from medicine and talk therapy, but her symptoms worsened during the pandemic and she temporarily moved back home.
“The pandemic made me afraid to leave home, my anxiety telling me anywhere outside of my childhood house was unsafe,” Whelan said. “I absolutely still struggle with feelings of dread and fear sometimes. It’s just a part of my life at this point, and I try to manage it as best as I can.”
The task force said there isn’t enough solid research in older adults to recommend for or against anxiety screening in those aged 65 and up.
The group continues to recommend depression screening for adults and children, but said there isn’t enough evidence to evaluate potential benefits and harms of suicide screening in adults who show no worrisome symptoms.
In April, the group issued similar draft guidance for children and teens, recommending anxiety screening but stating that more research is needed on potential benefits and harms of suicide screening kids with no obvious signs.
Guidelines from the task force often determine insurance coverage, but anxiety is already on the radar of many primary care doctors. In 2020, a group affiliated with the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommended routine primary care anxiety screening for women and girls starting at age 13.
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azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
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Post by azucena on Sept 21, 2022 10:55:13 GMT -5
Fin - that's 'good' news, thank you for sharing. Does anyone have a link to a good screening checklist? Or a resource that explains anxiety to someone who completely doesn't understand it. DH has no idea how it feels for the girls and me. He's about as carefree as anyone I know.
Meanwhile, DD10 screamed for an hour last night about showering...I needed to tag out but he couldn't take my place bc he couldn't understand that it was about showering. Showering was just the last straw to set her off and it's on us as adults to help her dig deeper to what's really bothering her.
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finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
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Post by finnime on Sept 21, 2022 12:02:26 GMT -5
azucena, I know the GAD-7 is commonly used as a screening tool to good effect. Real efficacy depends on how its followed up.
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finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,492
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Post by finnime on Oct 2, 2022 12:17:27 GMT -5
As of 2 months ago I have a treating psychiatrist to prescribe my particular cocktail of meds. It's working out well. This practice does all visits online, which really works for me. Another good thing arising out of Covid: telemedicine and it getting paid for at the same rate as in-office. It certainly is more convenient.
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