Battling Depression

[debthaven]

finnime I'm so sorry you're struggling. My child staying in a hotel would upset me too.

I definitely second asking him, he may well have been trying to spare you the effort.

Other suggestion: IF he's staying in a hotel because it's more convient for him/easier to see his friends, maybe suggest that he stays with you for one or two nights, and in a hotel for one or two nights.

[buystoys]

Well, I've been struggling quite a bit the past couple of weeks.  It's not getting any better.  Even though I know what is causing my depression and anxiety, I can't seem to let it go.  I see my therapist next week, so I think I'm going to see if I can go back to every other week for a while. 

I'm just so tired!  I know it's the depression bringing this on, but I can't get enough sleep.  It's hard to do anything around the house because my back hurts so much.  I'm trying to keep up with my routine of going to the gym, but I also have PT right now.  So I'm in week two of something going on every day of the week.  That exhausts me. 

I'm back on the Trazadone to help me get to sleep and stay asleep.  That's giving me vivid dreams.  Some of them are so real I have to ask DH if it was a dream or reality that something happened. 

I know this will pass, but I can't find my little optimistic button right now.  It's been quite a while since I've been this down.  I feel like crying all the time again.

[finnime]

I'm sorry you're caught in the whirlpool, buystoys.

One of the damnable things about depression is knowing the symptoms are caused by depression doesn't actually relieve them. Is there anything you can do just because you enjoy it? Or is nothing enjoyable right now? 

I'm glad you are getting treatment. Every other week for your therapist sounds like a good plan. Best to you in these hard days.

[buystoys]

finnime, there's just nothing I enjoy right now other than reading or watching TV.  I can get out of my head then.  Unfortunately, I can't just sit around all day and read or watch TV.  I have appointments and things I have to do, such as laundry.  DH helps me with those tasks, but I feel like I'm taking advantage of him by not doing more.  That's adding to the depression.

[finnime]

I struggle with that, too -- allowing DH to pick up some or all of the load for some work without me feeling even more useless. I even wrote down sentences to read to get to more solid ground: Michael also likes to help support me. This feeling will not last. When I'm better, then I'll pick the load back up.

[TheOtherMe]

Let your DH help you as much as he can during times like this buystoys    

I live alone and thinks just pile up when I get in a total funk.  One of the reasons my cleaning lady is a necessity of my life.  At least the house is not a disaster.

[azucena]

Feeling overwhelmed and on the verge of a panic attack. A massive cold has knocked me out this week and work is piling up when I was already behind. Praying I can just power through.

[buystoys]

Prayers for you azucena!  Hopefully work isn't as bad as you think it will be.

[azucena]

Made it through work. Kinda feel like I have the man flu, you know, the kind where you're miserable so you complain a lot.

Meds kept the panic attack at bay.

Behind on lots of projects but have decided I'm not going to work extra hard when I'm sick. Some will just have to wait.

[TheOtherMe]

I also learned that I made more mistakes when I was sick @acuzena   That was one of my own criteria for when it was time to stay home

[finnime]

Back from Maine. It was a good trip, and ended with an overnight in New York where I saw Hamilton with friends. Sometimes you need a hard reset, and that was it. I feel better able to contend with what comes here at home. Fortunately Fall has started. Unfortunately, we're still in 90 degree heat combined with a drought. Ah, well. Maine is still with me.

azucena I have noticed viruses often have a depressive effect on me. It's another symptom in the sensitive. Hope you're completely cured now.

[buystoys]

So happy that you got your reset finnime! 

Fall here is the same:  hot and drought.  I'd love some rain!

[Works4me]

I've also noticed that Benadryl have a depressive effect on me. I've been sitting here, feeling crummy and wondering why. Then I remembered I took Benadryl this afternoon for a nagging sinus headache - big bag of duh for me! Sometimes it's a choice of the lesser of the evils ...or is it the lesser of the wevils? lol

[azucena]

I am better. Usually it's not being sick that gets me, it's the trying to work from home to stay on top of things, not getting enough rest, and actually taking a day or two off to recuperate and then work spinning out of control which leaves me overwhelmed that can be a trigger and breaking point. I'm consciously trying to preempt that this year though.

[finnime]

I've been doing better and better now that the weather's finally changing. Franklin the Dog is more charged up, too. The only real hit I'm sustaining is repeated memories of the years my DH's health was so destroyed. He had a major operation (foot) that got infected, which led him to a form of sepsis and months and months of IV antibiotics followed by about 10 operations to close the wound in his foot. It added up to more than two years. At several points it wasn't clear that he'd be able to keep his foot; amputation below the knee was on the table. Now he has trouble walking far mainly due to balance issues, plus his hips become painful. But - he can walk! On his own!

I have stored in the basement his wheelchair. I want to give it away but have the ridiculous fear that if I do, he'll need it again. Depression = irrationality.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

You could look at it as keeping it for old age too.   Wheelchairs aren't freaking cheap.   He may not need it because he cannot walk but it's possible one of you might need it later as you age.   We took my grandmother to the craft fair and ended up having to rent a wheelchair because she can't get around like she used to.  Wish she hadn't dumped grandpa's chair as soon as he was gone.

[TheOtherMe]

Unlike finnime my hardest time of the year is winter.  The short, darker days do not work well with my brain chemistry.  

I know the more I isolate myself, the harder it is.  I also know I will isolate myself.

I also know that due to the shortage of mental health professionals here, I can't get therapy any more often than once a month.  

[finnime]

That's a real hardship, TheOtherMe, not having enough providers.

[busymom]

While I do like the Fall colors, I hate that the days are getting shorter.  I was complaining to DH last night, as we were driving DS home from an activity, that it's 7 pm and already dark outside.  I've just gotta remind myself that it's 2 months to the shortest day of the year (Dec. 21st), then the days will start getting longer again.  We've moved to an area where sunrise is later (I know it sounds odd) from where we'd been previously.  We don't see "real" sunshine until close to 8 am.  I need lots of daylight to feel my best.

[buystoys]

I've been struggling more the past couple of weeks.  My mom was just diagnosed with small cell carcinoma.  We've had a rocky relationship (to say the least!) the past couple of years.  I can't find it in myself to not let things go now.  I cringe because I know that she won't change and I will, at some point, be subjected to the same problematic behaviors.  *sigh*  I still feel obligated to do my best by her through this issue.  She has a fairly small potential for reaching five more years of life. 

The cooler weather is good.  It makes my hips and back hurt, but it's so much more comfortable to get out and do things.  I'm away from home for a few hours every day, so I'm enjoying the fall environment.  We don't normally get much fall here in Texas.

[TheOtherMe]

finnime  DN3 had to get on a waiting list to see a provider for his PTSD that is a result of being physically attacked by his students in two separate incidents last school year.  He was seeing someone, but he is a teacher and the private school closed.  For the summer months, he had no insurance and he couldn't get on the waiting list until he had insurance.  

buystoys  I'm sorry about your mom.  

[finnime]

Glad the season change is working for you, buystoys. Sorry you need to deal with a difficult mother under the circumstances. Adulting is hard no matter how adult you become.

[finnime]

Oct 17, 2019 6:49:04 GMT -5 busymom said:

While I do like the Fall colors, I hate that the days are getting shorter.  I was complaining to DH last night, as we were driving DS home from an activity, that it's 7 pm and already dark outside.  I've just gotta remind myself that it's 2 months to the shortest day of the year (Dec. 21st), then the days will start getting longer again.  We've moved to an area where sunrise is later (I know it sounds odd) from where we'd been previously.  We don't see "real" sunshine until close to 8 am.  I need lots of daylight to feel my best.

My DS bought a clock with an alarm that throws an increasingly bright sun-like light in the room. It's a good way for him to awaken and also feeds the need for more sun. Maybe look into something like it?

[azucena]

Feeling an impending sense of doom as the days grow darker as winter really affects me. Just sent a note to my therapist whom I haven't seen in a year to set up appts 2x/month Nov thru Feb. Figuring the more proactive I can be the better.

I would love to try one of those light alarm clocks but I get up at 5 and DH doesn't have to get up until 630 so not sure how that would work.

I did get one of those light therapy lights last year but didn't get into a routine for using it.  Since I'm at work at 6 that would be the ideal place, but I'm not sure I want everyone to see it.

Been getting outside as much as possible while the weather is tolerable.  Need to figure out an exercise routine because I know that would help my mental health.

I scheduled us for a weekend away in Nov, Dec will likely be too busy.  Planning to get to the beach for a long weekend in Jan with BFF.  Looking into Feb weekend away somewhere with an indoor waterpark.  Having these items to look fwd to on the calendar is key.  March we have spring break week booked at the beach.

Work continues to be super busy and stressful.  My new boss is an asshat which isn't helping things.

[ilovedolphins]

Sundays are usually a bad depression/anxiety day for me.  I don't know why but I think of my son a lot who lives in Florida and wish we were closer.  I usually have to just work non stop to keep my mind off it.  Sometimes it helps...sometimes not.

[finnime]

I'm sorry, ilovedolphins. Sundays are a family type day - maybe that's why you're thinking of your son. Can you make an agreement with him to call him on Sundays? Sometimes just touching base with my DS helps me when I'm missing having him close by. And that's more often than I like to admit.

[buystoys]

ilovedolphins

[ilovedolphins]

Oct 27, 2019 18:41:33 GMT -5 buystoys said:

ilovedolphins

Thanks.

[ilovedolphins]

Oct 27, 2019 15:36:29 GMT -5 finnime said:

I'm sorry, ilovedolphins . Sundays are a family type day - maybe that's why you're thinking of your son. Can you make an agreement with him to call him on Sundays? Sometimes just touching base with my DS helps me when I'm missing having him close by. And that's more often than I like to admit.

He doesn't like to talk on the phone or skype so I usually text him at least on Sundays.

[buystoys]

Well, I had my disability hearing on Thursday.  I stopped taking my meds on Tuesday because I wanted to be clear headed during the hearing.  What a mistake!  My anxiety blew through the roof and it was all I could do to make coherent answers to the questions.  I won't know for another four to six weeks whether or not the judge determined my date of disability was earlier than SS already decided.  I hope they go for the 1/1/16 date my attorney requested as that means I would get Medicare immediately. 

I won't stop my meds again.  At least that was a lesson learned.