Battling Depression

[azucena]

They can definitely go by the date of your disability.  My husband received back payment but nothing for the waiting period.  His problem was that we had just graduated from college so his working period consisted of high school and college part time jobs which for him were more hours than most, but still not like what he would have had with a few years of post-college work under his belt.

Fin - higher benefit is excellent news!

[TheOtherMe]

Mar 15, 2019 7:22:38 GMT -5 finnime said:

As I understand it they can pay up to one year before your date of application. There is always a 5 month waiting period, so if your disability begin date is 17 or more months before your application date you can get one year back pay. We'll see what happens next.

I just checked; it still says Approved! And now gives a benefit amount per month, which is higher than I'd thought it would be.

Fantastic news!  It's going to keep saying Approved!   

[seriousthistime]

That's great news, finnime!

[finnime]

This is weird. Last week SSA deposited 3 months of pay into my account, but I've not yet received an official snail mail benefit notification. I don't know what they're using for date of disability unless it's my date for requesting reconsideration - but that makes no sense, to me at least.

But I am getting benefits. That's the first battle.

Spring has sprung here, daffodils in full bloom along with crocuses, hellebores and beginning hyacinths. Short winter for Maryland.

[Peace77]

Mar 21, 2019 11:23:49 GMT -5 finnime said:

This is weird. Last week SSA deposited 3 months of pay into my account, but I've not yet received an official snail mail benefit notification. I don't know what they're using for date of disability unless it's my date for requesting reconsideration - but that makes no sense, to me at least.

But I am getting benefits. That's the first battle.

Spring has sprung here, daffodils in full bloom along with crocuses, hellebores and beginning hyacinths. Short winter for Maryland.

That reminds me of what SSA did to me—. Sent a check with no explanation.   I was afraid to cash the check at first.   It was fine —paperwork arrived later.

[buystoys]

Mar 21, 2019 11:23:49 GMT -5 finnime said:

This is weird. Last week SSA deposited 3 months of pay into my account, but I've not yet received an official snail mail benefit notification. I don't know what they're using for date of disability unless it's my date for requesting reconsideration - but that makes no sense, to me at least.

But I am getting benefits. That's the first battle.

Spring has sprung here, daffodils in full bloom along with crocuses, hellebores and beginning hyacinths. Short winter for Maryland.

If you received three months of payment, then your date of disability is eight months ago.  There's a five month waiting period.  Is your date of requesting reconsideration eight months ago?  I don't remember even though I know it's somewhere in this thread.

I'm happy you're finally getting something, though!

[finnime]

I got the official notice yesterday. For no reason I can think of they chose June as the original date of disability. Reconsideration was filed in August. It makes no sense to me, but mysteries rule the universe. I think I'll call when I'm up for it and ask. The scary thing about asking for a review is that it is officially an appeal, and they could decide everything needs to be reconsidered.

[debthaven]

I think you need to NOT worry about that happening, and just (finally) try to relax about it.

Other question (actually a bunch of them)

Since your baking talents are obviously GREATLY in demand, is there something you can do with that? If you had an order, and you weren't up to it, could someone else do it (with your instructions)? Or, could you do that and refuse orders sometimes? Or does that make you happy and you don't refuse orders? (for now, I understand that that could change if you were suddenly swamped with orders)

Can your DH help and/or deliver?

There is a Thai woman in my suburb who does AMAZING food. She has catered for us several times in the past (but not recently. She raised her prices, we could no longer afford her, and we lost the habit. I don't know if she still does it or not.)

Her DH was her delivery man.

She kept the family afloat for years with her catering/cooking classes after her DH lost his job.

Just some thoughts. It seems like baking always makes you happy. 

[finnime]

Interesting thought, debthaven. Orders for baking have been on a fairly steady rise. You're right; it does make me happy. It gives me an outlet that I need and also earns a few spare $$, which is always a good thing. I've heard from several clients I don't charge enough! Since it is just me baking it is self-limiting. DH drives when I deliver, and he cleans up when I'm done, too. So it works.

I've also been writing when I'm able. That may in time go somewhere. For right now, though, it's just a big relief to not be holding my breath. Security is a wonderful state.

[TheOtherMe]

When this thread first started, someone mentioned The Bloggess blog.  

She had a post where she asked for people to do nice things for each other.  

I am in total shock this morning.  Yesterday I received a box.  Inside of it is a handmade quilt that is absolutely beautiful.  It's in spring colors.  Thankfully, the woman put an email address so I can thank her for making my dad.

From the looks of it, she sells quilts to help with her introversion and her depression.  

[buystoys]

What a nice thing to do!  I'm so happy for you TheOtherMe!

[TheOtherMe]

I can't believe that someone would randomly pick me and send a quilt.  I am so happy I was the chosen one.

[finnime]

What a wonderful surprise, TheOtherMe! I'm glad for you.

[NastyWoman]

Apr 2, 2019 8:38:17 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I can't believe that someone would randomly pick me and send a quilt.  I am so happy I was the chosen one.

[Chocolate Lover]

I'm so glad you got a nice surprise TOM!

The Blogess has a book thing too, you make a wish list on Amazon with a book or 2 you want on it and others can send it to you if they want. Or you send someone a book from their list. I haven't seen her do it in a while but I could have missed it. One day, I'll participate.

[TheOtherMe]

The quilt

[finnime]

It's beautiful, TheOtherMe.

[TheOtherMe]

The photo is sideways.  The right side is actually the top.  I put it over the stairwell for the photo.  

[CCL]

I love the ice cream cones!

[Peace77]

What a nice surprise !

[buystoys]

Beautiful!

[finnime]

We've been thrust into full summer weather all at once, and I'm anxious. I'm leery of another deep depressive bout swallowing me up. This last one ran so deep and for so long, I still am in the shadow of it. And late spring is always hard - the sun gets overwhelming and the world gets frenetic.

[buystoys]

Hugs finnime.  Try to spend some quiet time out in the sun.  It's good for you!

[azucena]

A friend is having some ptsd induced depression. I reached out via text because I didn't think she knew I've been there. She's basically bed bound and not functioning right now - my heart hurts for her.

[Sam_2.0]

I'm just jumping in, hope that's ok. Seemed like the best place.

My good friend's husband committed suicide last night. She's obviously devastated. They have 3 small children. Their daughter passed away shortly before Aubree did. That's how we initially connected, in a grief group. I knew she was struggling with suicidal thoughts and they were having relationship problems. I didnt know his struggles because I wasnt as close with him.

But as someone who deals with suicidal thoughts often, this is my biggest fear. That one day my sick brain will override my rational brain. That for a split second I will do something that ruins it all. It's only dumb luck that I've not been successful in my attempts so far. When it happens, it's not rational. I honestly have no control. It's like watching myself being taken over by something else and I cant stop it, even if I'm aware of what is happening.

I feel like i live with a ticking time bomb inside me.

[CCL]

 to everyone.

[azucena]

Sam - I hope you've brought up those thoughts with your therapist and others you trust. They can help you develop a plan of how to counter attack those feelings. I'm so sorry that you have to fight so hard. Pm me any time if you need a listening ear.

[Sam_2.0]

One of my best friends came by last night but I was in bed. She left this in my front door. A beautiful silver bracelet with an awesome inscription ♡

I didn't realize that was so hard to read. It says "Keep Fucking Going" inside it

[finnime]

I understand, Sam_2.0. I'm so sorry about your friend's loss.

Suicide is a draw for me, too. I've been able to stay ahead of it this past year by telling myself I can always do it later. That I don't need to do anything right now. And in the time I buy myself I remind myself of my family. They would bear impossible pain.

Please talk with your therapist about your feelings. As azucena said, she can help.

I'll be thinking of you. Take care.

[finnime]

I just read that April and May have the highest suicide rates in the calendar year. The lowest rate is November - January. There is a theory that those who are in the mire are pulled over the edge by the contrast between their feelings and the world they see, coming alive with new energy.

Suicide bites.