Battling Depression

[TheOtherMe]

The sun is shining today.  That always improves my mood.

[buystoys]

It's gray and dreary here today.  I think we're supposed to get rain this afternoon.

I'm still doing OK.  I really think this last epidural helped.  I ache instead of hurt, if that makes sense.  It's a relief anyway.

[finnime]

Trying to get some traction here. I've felt like a potato the past few days, since returning from seeing my family over the holidays. It's really hard to just get out of bed.

On the SSA front, the government shutdown includes the SS benefits determination function. So it may be a while yet before I even know. A lot of my neighbors have been furloughed, and others are working without pay. Grim way to start a new year.

I'm going back to my lists for basic functioning. Today I've: taken meds, drank coffee. Next to walk dog. Then we'll see.

[buystoys]

Even if seeing your family is a good thing, it's still exhausting to be around so many more personalities.  Include the travel and it can easily start to be overwhelming.  Let your body rest up from the activity. 

I'm sorry about the SSDI delay.  I know you've been waiting for an answer for so long now.  I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you.

[finnime]

Recovering from a virus. I've noticed that most viruses bring me down mentally, too. It's hard to let myself off the hook for not doing whatever I had planned, and there is some depressant quality to illness as well. I've read it affects people post-surgery, too; I've seen that with DH. Of course depression has its own physical symptoms as well. Round and round we go.

[Peace77]

Dec 15, 2018 13:06:13 GMT -5 buystoys said:

Peace77 , I'm sorry that meds make you ill.  What do you do to treat your depression?  Are you on a regimen of supplements for it?

Big hugs out to you as well today!

I’m not on any regimen.   Sometimes I take a handful of Vitamin D, if I think about it.

First time, DH saw me do that, he thought it was a suicide attempt.  I had to convince him that it was ok.

[finnime]

Interesting article


Mediterranean diet fights depression

[Lizard Queen]

I wasn't able to read it, but I definitely notice a difference with what I eat. The people I work with probably think I'm a health nut, but I really just want to feel decent. I love donuts and Coke just as much as the next person. I just hate it's effect on me afterward.

[finnime]

I am so tired.

Tired of all the medications,
of the (at least) weekly appointments,
of trying to eat just right,
of getting the correct exercise in the right amounts,
of not going there when my thoughts lead down a rabbit hole,
of disrupted sleep,
of tangled thinking,
of forgetting everything large and small,
of living this life and feeling this way.

I am a bit better than I'd been in recent past, but I'm not good. I remember feeling good, and want that back. Just to take real pleasure in something would be a gift.

I'm signing up to take a one-day class in Mental Health First Aid. It's offered gratis at a mental health hospital not too far from here. First aid could help a lot of people, I think. I wish it were enough for me.

[azucena]

Jan 29, 2019 11:05:33 GMT -5 finnime said:

I am so tired.

Tired of all the medications,
of the (at least) weekly appointments,
of trying to eat just right,
of getting the correct exercise in the right amounts,
of not going there when my thoughts lead down a rabbit hole,
of disrupted sleep,
of tangled thinking,
of forgetting everything large and small,
of living this life and feeling this way.

I am a bit better than I'd been in recent past, but I'm not good. I remember feeling good, and want that back. Just to take real pleasure in something would be a gift.

I'm signing up to take a one-day class in Mental Health First Aid. It's offered gratis at a mental health hospital not too far from here. First aid could help a lot of people, I think. I wish it were enough for me.

The class sounds interesting - pls share what you learn.

I am trying to be more mindful of self care.  I bought a hyacinth bulb at Aldi a week ago for $4 - usually I'm too cheap to pay even that for something 'frivalous'.  Watching the bulb sprout and then bloom in my office has provided way more than $4 in joy.  It's a distinct reminder that winter will end.

[TheOtherMe]

Jan 29, 2019 11:05:33 GMT -5 finnime said:

I am so tired.

Tired of all the medications,
of the (at least) weekly appointments,
of trying to eat just right,
of getting the correct exercise in the right amounts,
of not going there when my thoughts lead down a rabbit hole,
of disrupted sleep,
of tangled thinking,
of forgetting everything large and small,
of living this life and feeling this way.

I am a bit better than I'd been in recent past, but I'm not good. I remember feeling good, and want that back. Just to take real pleasure in something would be a gift.

I'm signing up to take a one-day class in Mental Health First Aid. It's offered gratis at a mental health hospital not too far from here. First aid could help a lot of people, I think. I wish it were enough for me.

[TheOtherMe]

finnime  I'm tired of all the things you listed, too.  

However, I am in a much better place than I was last winter.  That was when I got the crazy idea to cold turkey stop one of my meds.  It was not a good idea.

[finnime]

I understand the impulse, TheOtherMe, but agree it's not a good idea at all. Psychotropics are too delicately powerful to make changes w/o professional guidance.

But I am so tired of all the meds.

[buystoys]

I'm right there with you finnime when it comes to the meds.  The rheumatologist added one, so I'm working with my pharmacology practitioner to wean off of one of the psychotropics I'm on.  The rheumatologist added Cymbalta, so I should be able to get back down to the number I was originally on, which is 10. 

Big hugs to you and hang in there! 

[finnime]

Changes in meds seem to be helping. Plus I've successfully lowered my standards!

Had an appointment last week with a doctor Social Security contracts with to evaluate my arthritis. My application for disability benefits has been held up in audit, then no work was done during the government shutdown (only SS disability benefits determination affected.) So this should be it. I find it interesting that they find it necessary to also qualify on physical ailments. I would have thought my depression would be enough, but apparently not. We'll see what happens next.

Hope everyone is chugging along, finding strength and beauty in your life.

[CCL]

Good luck and hoping all goes well for you with a positive outcome.

[buystoys]

Crossing my fingers for you finnime!

[finnime]

This offers some helpful information for family members and friends:


How to Help Someone Who Is Depressed



In other news, Social Security called me twice at the end of last week to ask about my last job's responsibilities and functional requirements. For good or ill, this may be nearing an end.

[TheOtherMe]

I hope you get good news from Social Security.

[buystoys]

Feb 25, 2019 16:24:48 GMT -5 finnime said:

This offers some helpful information for family members and friends:


How to Help Someone Who Is Depressed



In other news, Social Security called me twice at the end of last week to ask about my last job's responsibilities and functional requirements. For good or ill, this may be nearing an end.

I would take this as good news!  I got the same call and within a few weeks had my first disability check.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

[azucena]

I haven't been sleeping well the past few weeks - seems my deepest sleep starts around 4 am when I'm supposed to get up for work at 5, so I've been late a lot of mornings which is okay for a while but definitely not long term.  I can see how much sleep plays into my depression as I feel myself slipping a bit.  I need to make sure I'm turning out the lights consistently at 930 because that's the only part I can control.  Any time the weather is warm enough, I need to get outside.  Going to Destin in 3 weeks so I'm focusing on that too.

[finnime]

azucena, is it possible the change in day length is disturbing your sleep? We're getting noticeably longer days now. And sleep is critical, I agree. I wish I could effectively do the self-relaxation technique where you tell yourself one by one each body part is relaxing. I think you're supposed to start with toes.

Glad you are going to Destin. That should really help if the season is part of your challenge.

[azucena]

I think it's more the dragging out of winter.  I thought making it past Jan would help and it did but it's still been terribly cold here.  More physical exercise would help my sleep as would fresh air.  DH and I aren't getting along so well right now, so we've resorted to watching even more shows after the girls are in bed.  That's not as relaxing for me as reading, but if I read I tend to stay up too late.

[TheOtherMe]

All of the horrible weather we have had is not helping my depression.  I look outdoors and wonder what happens when all of this snow melts.  That's after wondering if it will ever stop snowing.

[NastyWoman]

Feb 26, 2019 15:27:56 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

All of the horrible weather we have had is not helping my depression.  I look outdoors and wonder what happens when all of this snow melts.  That's after wondering if it will ever stop snowing.

First snowdrops and crocusses will raise their little heads, followed by tulips and other flowers (can you tell I am Dutch). Then the birds and the butterflies return. I know it will not cure anyone's depression but the world will look friendlier and more colorful

[finnime]

Sorry this winter has been so extreme, TheOtherMe and azucena. Anyone with any sensitivity to winter cold and dark would crater. NastyWoman is quite right, this too shall pass. But in the meantime...

I don't know if you remember but there used to be something called primal scream therapy. I imagine it wouldn't help depressives, though, because they couldn't get up the energy for it!

[TheOtherMe]

I really have no energy right now.  

I do wish I had tulips and crocuses coming up in my yard.  I am going in to the city tomorrow and I think I will hunt down some spring flowers for me.

[NastyWoman]

Feb 26, 2019 18:39:19 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I really have no energy right now.  

I do wish I had tulips and crocuses coming up in my yard.  I am going in to the city tomorrow and I think I will hunt down some spring flowers for me.

[Peace77]

Feb 26, 2019 8:30:08 GMT -5 azucena said:

I haven't been sleeping well the past few weeks - seems my deepest sleep starts around 4 am when I'm supposed to get up for work at 5, so I've been late a lot of mornings which is okay for a while but definitely not long term.  I can see how much sleep plays into my depression as I feel myself slipping a bit.  I need to make sure I'm turning out the lights consistently at 930 because that's the only part I can control.  Any time the weather is warm enough, I need to get outside.  Going to Destin in 3 weeks so I'm focusing on that too.

I'm about an hour from Destin.  The evening and night temps are still cool.  Afternoons are high 60's and low 70's

[buystoys]

Feb 26, 2019 18:39:19 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I really have no energy right now.  

I do wish I had tulips and crocuses coming up in my yard.  I am going in to the city tomorrow and I think I will hunt down some spring flowers for me.

DH found a hyacinth bulb in water in a cute little glass jar at Aldi.  I keep it on my window sill in front of the sink.  It hasn't flowered out yet, but it looks like it will soon.  Maybe something like that would help you feel more spring like?