Battling Depression

[debthaven]

finnime I don't know much about the process but that doesn't sound at all negative to me.

[Works4me]

I've battled depression since childhood and get so tired of it. Right now I am trying to figure out how to rebuild my life. Combined with lupus and a few other autoimmune diseases it is tough.

[finnime]

Works4me, it's a long-term process I've found. Making big changes is akin to turning around a battleship in a canal: 1000-point turn. With other health challenges it must be even tougher.

I've crossed the bridge into treatment-resistant depression. But I remember so acutely the joy I've felt before. I know it is possible. Rebuilding is daunting and a long-term goal, but it can be done.

Summoning energy must be hard for you. And depression is often so enervating. Do you have good support available to you? Can you access good treatment sources? I hope that you have these both.

[buystoys]

Works4me, please be kind to yourself.  We understand your struggle.  Sending you lots of hugs!

[busymom]

I am so sorry for the diagnosis, buystoys.  I do know of a good book on the topic, "FibroWHYalgia".  Hoping once you have the proper information on fighting the condition, you'll be feeling better.  

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 14, 2018 22:30:54 GMT -5 Works4me said:

I've battled depression since childhood and get so tired of it. Right now I am trying to figure out how to rebuild my life. Combined with lupus and a few other autoimmune diseases it is tough.

I am with you on battling depression since childhood.  

The battle wears on me.  Some days are better than others.  

Today the sun is shining and I can't wait to see my dad at lunch time.  Hoping it's a good day.

By evening, I could be at the other extreme.  This is with taking my meds as directed.  Seems to be the best medical science can do for me at the present time.

We are here and will listen.

[Peace77]

I too, have battled depression since childhood.  

Every medication makes me sick so I’m not taking any.   I envy you that can get help that way. 

[buystoys]

Thank you for the recommendation, busymom.  I've ordered it and should receive it early next week.

[buystoys]

Peace77, I'm sorry that meds make you ill.  What do you do to treat your depression?  Are you on a regimen of supplements for it?

Big hugs out to you as well today!

[TheOtherMe]

A classmate from grade school, junior high and high school committed suicide over the weekend.  He had been married three times.  The third marriage didn't last long.  She said that his demons were too much for her to handle.  

Now on our FB page for the class people are doing the "why couldn't he just pull himself together" and "he could have just snapped out of it".

No, he couldn't.  It's obvious from what his kids have said that he had battled for many, many years.

One classmate even surmised that she wondered when a cure for depression will be found.  

[finnime]

Ow, TheOtherMe. I'm sorry. Suicide is so beyond comprehension by so many, like depression itself.

[buystoys]

So sorry, TheOtherMe!  I wish more people could see inside depression's mind so they could have a clearer understanding.  Sending you lots of hugs.

[TheOtherMe]

Thank you finnime and buystoys   

They have no understanding at all of how it is to have depression.  None.

[azucena]

Sorry to hear this.

A dad at my kids' school committed suicide a couple of weeks ago.  This isn't a family that we know well, but I do know they were going through a divorce that wasn't finalized yet but were each already openly dating other people.  Why do people make complicated situations even more complicated?

He left behind kids who are 7, 8, and 9.  My kids know he passed but didn't know any of the details - I was dreading that conversation.

[buystoys]

Wow, azucena!  What a mess for those poor kids. 

I think people start new relationships before ending the old one because they don't want to be alone.  They equate alone with lonely, which is sad.

[finnime]

This season I'm running on a minor key, like the theme song to Charlie Brown's Christmas. I've decided the best approach is to have very low expectations, including of myself. We have a wreath on the door with a Santa tied to it in lieu of a bow, which I couldn't find. That's it. But we will be leaving Christmas Day for Manahattan to spend the day and night with DS, then go on to Massachusetts for a few days with family. I'll have Christmas Eve dinner with DD probably at a Japanese restaurant she likes. I remember Christmases past and decorating - just didn't know then that the last time like that would be the last time. I know the future will be different. I don't know how or when, but different for certain.

The news, with a 7-yo immigrant dying of shock from dehydration, is hard to take. I live in an area heavily populated with federal employees who await a possible/likely shutdown. I know I have mental health issues but this is insane.

[TheOtherMe]

The 3rd wife of my classmate isn't mentioned in his obituary.  I know it was a short marriage but I saw wedding photos.  She moved to be with him and then left after about a year.  Must have been messier than they let on.

[buystoys]

@finnime, I completely understand the lack of ambition to decorate.  I'm not decorating at all.  I talked to my therapist about this today and am accepting that this is just the "new" me.  I'm  giving myself grace for not putting things out and up.  Not having anything around won't make the holiday less enjoyable.  It's going to be just DH and I, but we enjoy spending the holidays like this.  We don't have any young kids in the family, so presents and such are not a real excitement.

Show yourself the same compassion you would show someone else suffering as you do/have.  You know you would be gentle with them and show them grace for what they cannot do.  Let yourself be the person you are considerate of.

[azucena]

Amazon just delivered a therapy light that my DH must have ordered since we shopped for the kids presents online and he said why have you looked at so many lights.  I was paralyzed with choosing the absolute best one.  He just hit click, done LOL.

I just booked a weekend in Clearwater with my bff in mid-Jan to celebrate my 40th bday.  Hotel on the beach with a balcony room.  The last time I went on a girlfriend trip was pre-kids 15 yrs ago.  Looking fwd to the trip should help with my mood as has finishing one overwhelming work project.  Hopefully 3 days of sun and being outside help me make it thru the rest of winter.

[busymom]

Well Kids, we've finally made it to the shortest day of the year.     I know my mood improves as the days gradually get longer.  Hoping you all feel better as we get more daylight.  

[finnime]

Yeah for the sunlight for you, azucena!

[buystoys]

I had a different type of epidural done on 12/26.  So far, I think I'm actually seeing some good results.  And I can't tell you just how much that is making it easier to not drop into that gloomy space!  I didn't realize just how much the physical pain was working on me.  Now I'm just worried it won't last very long and I need to stop picking at that.  Stay in the moment is the motto for today.

Hope everyone else enjoyed their holiday(s) without any blow back of depression.  Hugs to all!

[finnime]

That's great, buystoys! For as long as it lasts, and may it last very long.

The lull between Christmas and New Year's is always for me peaceful. And it is now, I'm visiting at my DSis's. Low expectations, low demands, just being. Hope you all have a time of ease and contentment.

[azucena]

I am feeling much more peaceful now that christmas is passed. Weird because I didn't specifically feel stressed by it and it was pretty low key.

[Lizard Queen]

Feeling pretty decent since I started temping a week and a half ago. It's a nice, low stress gig. So unlike what I remember my last job being.

[empress of self-improvement]

Tired. Had to get up early, yes, I call 1:15 in the afternoon early, to go to a memorial service for a family member. I thought it would be good to represent our branch of the family tree. I could have done without the "I remember when you were THIS tall" parts but it was nice re-meeting some of these people. Our family reunions seems to happen at funerals lately. It's depressing. And I need a nap. PITA woke me up at 10 banging around getting out of his recliner. Then he forgot his effing phone in the bedroom and it woke me up RIGHT AFTER I JUST FELL BACK TO SLEEP!!! I had to control myself from flinging that thing at his head. I'm so tired.

[finnime]

Ugh, empress of self-improvement. Few things are as bad as interrupted, desperately needed sleep. Hope you get a good 8 hours in.

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 28, 2018 20:35:22 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

Tired. Had to get up early, yes, I call 1:15 in the afternoon early, to go to a memorial service for a family member. I thought it would be good to represent our branch of the family tree. I could have done without the "I remember when you were THIS tall" parts but it was nice re-meeting some of these people. Our family reunions seems to happen at funerals lately. It's depressing. And I need a nap. PITA woke me up at 10 banging around getting out of his recliner. Then he forgot his effing phone in the bedroom and it woke me up RIGHT AFTER I JUST FELL BACK TO SLEEP!!! I had to control myself from flinging that thing at his head. I'm so tired.

Funerals are now where our family reunions happen, too.  

I hope you got some good sleep.

[buystoys]

Hugs to you empress of self-improvement.  I'm also hoping you got some good sleep.

[empress of self-improvement]

I DID! I DID GET SOME SLEEP! Not all in a row because of course, DH was banging around, but I kept my butt in bed until 2:30. Not completely refreshed but definitely better than yesterday. Do it again tomorrow and then I'm outta luck on Monday as I have a handyman coming at 9:30 AM to fix the side of my house. Joy.