Battling Depression

[Pink Cashmere]

Aug 15, 2024 23:06:51 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Prestiq is an SNRI so it works on both anxiety and depression.

The only side effects I've had is some minor weight gain and I get itchy from serotonin.

It doesn't always bother me. If it does taking an antihistamine does the trick.

It will knock your ass OUT so take it before bed don't take it in the daytime.

The half life is only 12 hours so make sure you take it on schedule because you'll start to withdraw pretty fast.

I find it a good motivator not to miss a dose because I feel like hot garbage if I forget.

Take it with food. I get queasy if I take it on an empty stomach.



I was always reluctant to take one too. I still have my moments but DH commented today he knows it's working because of how I was before. It's a marked difference.

The stupid pharmacy still hasn’t filled my prescription, even though she sent it over before 2pm yesterday. They said they had to order it.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with it.

You say the exact opposite of what she said. She told me to take it in the morning because it might make my inso,Nia issues worse if I take it at night. I really don’t need anything else causing more sleep issues.

A lot of meds that knock people out, have little or no effect on me like that though. Benadryl doesn’t make me sleepy and muscle relaxants like Flexeril don’t bother me even though I know a lot of people who say it knocks them on their ass. I guess I’ll just have to figure out what’s best for me, taking it in the morning or at night.

Do you mind sharing what differences your DH sees, that mean it is working?

[Opti]

Aug 16, 2024 15:09:03 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Aug 15, 2024 23:06:51 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Prestiq is an SNRI so it works on both anxiety and depression.

The only side effects I've had is some minor weight gain and I get itchy from serotonin.

It doesn't always bother me. If it does taking an antihistamine does the trick.

It will knock your ass OUT so take it before bed don't take it in the daytime.

The half life is only 12 hours so make sure you take it on schedule because you'll start to withdraw pretty fast.

I find it a good motivator not to miss a dose because I feel like hot garbage if I forget.

Take it with food. I get queasy if I take it on an empty stomach.



I was always reluctant to take one too. I still have my moments but DH commented today he knows it's working because of how I was before. It's a marked difference.

The stupid pharmacy still hasn’t filled my prescription, even though she sent it over before 2pm yesterday. They said they had to order it.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with it.

You say the exact opposite of what she said. She told me to take it in the morning because it might make my inso,Nia issues worse if I take it at night. I really don’t need anything else causing more sleep issues.

A lot of meds that knock people out, have little or no effect on me like that though. Benadryl doesn’t make me sleepy and muscle relaxants like Flexeril don’t bother me even though I know a lot of people who say it knocks them on their ass. I guess I’ll just have to figure out what’s best for me, taking it in the morning or at night.

Do you mind sharing what differences your DH sees, that mean it is working?

This can happen if its not something they stock regularly or no longer is a med of choice. This happened to me frequently back when I had the Shingles in my eye stuff. My general doc went with something that was older and lower side effects, but not used much. My eye doc moved me to something else when stock of the first med basically disappeared from my area of NJ. 

Go with what your doc said on the insomnia. Sometimes your personal health history guides to a less standard way to take a med.
Pink, does taking a bath relax you? I sometimes take a bath with a few drops of lavender essential oil or lavender bath salts. I need to remember to avoid anything "mermaid" as that is designed to wind you up and wake you up. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Prestiq isn't one of the more commonly prescribed ones Walmart had to order mine too.

It knocks me out. I tried taking it during the day. I got manic about two hours in then passed out. I'm talking total lights out.

I fortunately was home so I flopped onto the bed and didn't wake up till 5:00.

So glad I wasn't driving. And valuable lesson learned.

I am a lot less cranky and as I've told DH I'm not dead inside going through the motions anymore. He can tell I am "there" again.

It doesn't stop my anxiety and depression buy it's made the voice that knows what is happening louder. That gives me the ability to pull myself out of it.

I don't death spiral anymore..for the most part.

[azucena]

Pink - I take prestiq in the morning with food and no issues. Doesn't make me sleepy and usually I'm a lightweight.

Propranolol means I have no more panic attacks. Your stomach/gut issues do sound like anxiety. Took me a while to claim mine too as I was more caught up in fixing the depression.

I've also been one who didn't want meds or maybe only short term. I'm a full convert now that my chemistry needs help for the rest of my life.

It's become clear that I need to focus on self care. I keep making plans with friends and then they cancel with mostly good reasons but still frustrating.

[Pink Cashmere]

Aug 16, 2024 18:34:16 GMT -5 azucena said:

Pink - I take prestiq in the morning with food and no issues. Doesn't make me sleepy and usually I'm a lightweight.

Propranolol means I have no more panic attacks. Your stomach/gut issues do sound like anxiety. Took me a while to claim mine too as I was more caught up in fixing the depression.

I've also been one who didn't want meds or maybe only short term. I'm a full convert now that my chemistry needs help for the rest of my life.

It's become clear that I need to focus on self care. I keep making plans with friends and then they cancel with mostly good reasons but still frustrating.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with both meds.

I don’t mean to minimize anyone else’s struggles with depression, but the times I have struggled with it, have been times when shit has piled on top of shit, and I tried to just keep going, to try to make things right and fulfill my responsibilities, while ignoring how the shit was making me feel.

So I really think that I go sideways when I refuse to tend to myself, while trying to do what I can to make things work for the people I love and try to “fix” their lives, regardless of the toll it takes on me. Imo, I go sideways not so much because my brain chemistry is just out of whack period, I think my brain chemistry gets out of whack when I go too far and too long with trying to tend to and worrying about other people, at my own expense. 

The slide to me being “crazy” and having stomach issues, very clearly started in 2018, when my Mom came to live with me and started driving me crazy. In 2019, I moved into a new (to us) house with Mister. That is when the real wars started with his daughters. Then 2020 really freaked me out with being an essential employee during the pandemic, when sometimes at work, there wasn’t even soap in the bathrooms to wash our hands. And people I knew or knew of, plus coworkers, were dying from COVID. 

Mister and his daughters didn’t take COVID as seriously as I did, so there were at home. I was the bad guy because I didn’t want random people in my home for sleepovers during the time scientists were trying to figure out WTF was going on with this new virus and how it was spread…. Before vaccines were even available. 

Then in 2022, I started having issues with my stomach, and late that summer, Mister’s Mom was admitted to the hospital. In December of 2022, she started refusing a feeding tube, her husband was admitted for chronic heart failure and a blood clot in his lungs, and Mister brought him to our house after he was released from the hospital. By then, I was having severe issues with my stomach, every day.

Then Mister’s Mom died in the hospital in February, and his Dad’s mental and physical health deteriorated rapidly, to the point that he couldn’t even take care of himself, and we were trying to figure out how to help him, since we both worked full time jobs. Whenever Mister brought him to our house to try to tend to him and take care of him, his Dad was an asshole more often than not, so him being at our home was very chaotic and stressful. 

I was still trying to sort out my stomach issues while all of that was going on. 

Then Mister’s Dad died in September of last year. Both of his parents gone, in less than 7 months.That is a lot by itself, because it wasn’t like they were strangers to me, even though my biggest concern was for Mister. But during all of that, I was still having issues with my stomach, there was still stuff going on with his daughters that made my home feel like a war zone more often than not, and there was still even more things on my mind that I’ve never talked about here. 

I give myself grace for being overwhelmed by all of that. But I also understand that I need to put myself back together once again, and get back to thriving vs just surviving. Nobody can do that for me, I have to do it for myself. I’ve had to do it before, and I believe in myself enough to believe I can do it again, but I am older now, and it’s just hard.

[finnime]

You've been through some very hard stuff, Pink Cashmere . And being older does mean it takes greater strength and time to make it back to solid ground. Hugs to you.   I wish I could do more.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My doctor and therapist said A LOT of people had to start anxiety and depression medication during and after COVID.

Human brains aren't designed to operate under that level of existential stress fir years on end.

It can rewire your brain.

Then add on everything else you've been through.

I didn't really "need" medication till last year. Too much happened in a short period of time and I had nothing left to lift myself out of the hole I was in.

We take Tylenol when we have a back ache.

So why does it feel wrong to take an antidepressant to make my brain stop hurting?

[daisylu]

Aug 16, 2024 15:09:03 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Aug 15, 2024 23:06:51 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Prestiq is an SNRI so it works on both anxiety and depression.

The only side effects I've had is some minor weight gain and I get itchy from serotonin.

It doesn't always bother me. If it does taking an antihistamine does the trick.

It will knock your ass OUT so take it before bed don't take it in the daytime.

The half life is only 12 hours so make sure you take it on schedule because you'll start to withdraw pretty fast.

I find it a good motivator not to miss a dose because I feel like hot garbage if I forget.

Take it with food. I get queasy if I take it on an empty stomach.



I was always reluctant to take one too. I still have my moments but DH commented today he knows it's working because of how I was before. It's a marked difference.

The stupid pharmacy still hasn’t filled my prescription, even though she sent it over before 2pm yesterday. They said they had to order it.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with it.

You say the exact opposite of what she said. She told me to take it in the morning because it might make my inso,Nia issues worse if I take it at night. I really don’t need anything else causing more sleep issues.

A lot of meds that knock people out, have little or no effect on me like that though. Benadryl doesn’t make me sleepy and muscle relaxants like Flexeril don’t bother me even though I know a lot of people who say it knocks them on their ass. I guess I’ll just have to figure out what’s best for me, taking it in the morning or at night.

Do you mind sharing what differences your DH sees, that mean it is working?

My DS has ADHD, which some people do not realize is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Meds that make normal people sleepy have no effect on him. Benadryl, melatonin - nothing. I did once find a "warm milk" supplement at a natural store that he liked, but pretty sure it was a placebo effect situation.  Neither does caffeine. I rarely let him have caffeine, but when he did zero effect. As an adult he never drinks anything with caffeine. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My vacation put me in a better mood we'll see how long that lasts.   It's wobbling a little bit I really thought I would have an offer by now.  I know I should let it go like dating but it it is hard I haven't even heard if I got rejected.  I'd at least like closure.  Plus there just isn't a lot for me out there job wise so it's not like I can just move on to the next job description.  It can be awhile till another one pops up.  I'd like to have been gone yesterday from this job.

I'm not sure what to do about DH.  I get that he has lost both parents and losing his dad is hitting him the same way it hit me with my mother.  I know that it is a lot to take in in only two years.

But we need to continue to function.  My dad ended up stepping in for us while we were on vacation and putting the gutter back on the side of the house and getting DH's tire for the truck.  Otherwise I have no idea when that would get done. 

I certainly appreciate the help but I also got rode pretty hard about my dad taking care of it for us.  DH has been letting a lot go and I haven't had the mental energy to deal with myself.

Any time I try to do so DH has a fit and it makes him MORE depressed because now it's "proof" that he can't be a man and do the stuff that needs to be done.  So I give up because I am not going to deal with his melodrama.

I have enough stuff on my own plate.  I am exhausted from always having to be the responsible one.

I'm sorry his parents enabled him and that with both of them now gone he doesn't have anyone to lean on.  SIL and I refuse to become his surrogate mommy we expect him to do things himself.  We only help as far as we can.  As I've told him umpteen times legally I CAN'T help him with the estate he has to get off his ass and do it himself.  Once SIL has signed off as executor she can't help either.  That is money sitting around doing nothing because he feels he just can't deal with his dad's death.  Too bad buttercup the estate has to be dealt with.  You can't expect your sister to sit in limbo forever.

He should have grown up long before he reached 51 years of age.  I can't do anything about the fact that he refused to do so.

Now I will fully admit I compartmentalized too far in regards to my mother but at the same time I have people who depend on me.  I have to be able to perform my job, parent and keep our world spinning.

DH falls off the deep end.  I have been pushing him to do therapy but I can only lead him to the water.  I can't make him drink though I do have a really strong desire to drown him some days.

I am trying to be understanding and supportive but we're reaching a bottleneck.  I know it's only been about four months since his dad died and everyone grieves their own way.  But shit HAS to get done.

[Opti]

Are there any men's grief groups DH could attend or men's group of some sort in general he could go to in your area? He needs to find his own way but perhaps he could find contemporaries to lean on or at least get advice from. I agree DQ, it should not be you and SIL.

[finnime]

It does sound like your DH needs some help, NomoreDramaQ1015. Life insistently moves on no matter what you've gone through and he needs some tactics to deal. I wish you the best in getting him to accept professional guidance.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

He has tactics they are just incredibly unhealthy ones which also have caused issues.  Gwen has absolutely no problems voicing her opinion on that particular topic. 

What impresses me is she bypassed the enabling stage entirely and went straight to calling him out.  She understands it is not entirely within his control there is a lot of mental stuff that goes with it but that doesn't mean she needs to baby him.

I am incredibly proud of how well she is able to set boundaries and stick to them, especially as a 14 year old.  I wish I had half of her gumption.

He needs healthy coping techniques. I've also discussed that perhaps it is time to revisit his anti-depressant.  He's been on Prozac a long time that may not be working for him anymore especially as he has gone through various rounds of relapse since he started taking it.  They upped the dose but it doesn't seem to be doing much for him.

And you are right life does keep moving forward.  My therapist asked me about that when I was getting down on myself about my job.  She said what makes you think you aren't capable?  She said I have handled more shit in the past two years than a lot of people handle in their lifetimes and I am still standing.  

I've tried to tell DH the same.  Yeah he is a mess but instead of focusing on the mess he needs to recognize he is also still standing.  Our marriage is still intact.  Those two things are HUGE accomplishments given what we've had thrown at us.  

[NastyWoman]

Aug 20, 2024 9:29:30 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

He has tactics they are just incredibly unhealthy ones which also have caused issues.  Gwen has absolutely no problems voicing her opinion on that particular topic. 

What impresses me is she bypassed the enabling stage entirely and went straight to calling him out.  She understands it is not entirely within his control there is a lot of mental stuff that goes with it but that doesn't mean she needs to baby him.

I am incredibly proud of how well she is able to set boundaries and stick to them, especially as a 14 year old.  I wish I had half of her gumption.

He needs healthy coping techniques. I've also discussed that perhaps it is time to revisit his anti-depressant.  He's been on Prozac a long time that may not be working for him anymore especially as he has gone through various rounds of relapse since he started taking it.  They upped the dose but it doesn't seem to be doing much for him.

And you are right life does keep moving forward.  My therapist asked me about that when I was getting down on myself about my job.  She said what makes you think you aren't capable?  She said I have handled more shit in the past two years than a lot of people handle in their lifetimes and I am still standing.  

I've tried to tell DH the same.  Yeah he is a mess but instead of focusing on the mess he needs to recognize he is also still standing.  Our marriage is still intact.  Those two things are HUGE accomplishments given what we've had thrown at us.  

Credit where credit is due. Who do you think Gwen got these skills from? You may not have had them, or needed them for that matter, at age 14 , but you sure as heck have shown her a way better approach. So while you are rightfully proud of Gwen, go look in a mirror and tell yourself "well done mom"

[Pink Cashmere]

I did not get much sleep at all last night. I remember when Mister and I first went to bed, telling him “my head is trying to hurt”. Before I could go to sleep my head started hurting so bad, I thought many times about waking Mister up and asking him to take me to the ER. It was hurting so bad that I wondered if something was seriously wrong. There was no way I could sleep with my head hurting like that. After a few hours, it subsided some and I dozed off, off and on, but I was still mostly awake all night and until I finally got out of bed around 10:30am. It was still hurting then, just not as bad. 

I have a lot of aches and pains all over my body, but I don’t really have issues with headaches. I might have an occasional slight headache when my sinuses are acting a fool, but nothing like I experienced last night. It was so bad that I was praying, please God don’t let me die tonight. Which means I really probably should have woke Mister up and went to the ER for real. 

So of course I wondered if it was the Pristique. That’s the only thing I’ve done different. I remember stopping an antidepressant before because it was causing headaches, but I can’t remember which one it was and I don’t recall ever having a headache that painful in my life. If I have a headache like that again tonight, I’m not taking it anymore and I’m calling the Doctor to tell her that. If I’d had to go to work today, I wouldn’t have made it. I had to force myself to get up when I finally did, because I had things I needed to do to prepare for my work week. My head did finally stop hurting about an hour after I got out of bed, but last night was beyond terrible. I can’t do that, once was more than enough.

[wvugurl26]

He definitely has to handle the estate and in a timely manner. Everything I did for my grandma's estate had timelines attached to it. The whole process sucks but it has to be done.

My uncle paid off my aunt's bills after her death. He sold the house they had jointly owned. He did not however, do a damn bit of the legal estate paperwork. He and his son (as the presumed heir) got sued by someone looking to file a claim against the estate and then the county summoned them to court to answer for the untimely estate. By then my uncle had moved to live near my cousin so 2 hours one way from the court. My cousin had to take a day's vacation to appear in court and hire a lawyer to straighten out the whole mess.

My aunt passed 11 months prior to my grandma. I had grandma's estate closed before my aunt's was and it took me a year after grandma's death to complete it all.

I'm sure the grief and pain in losing your parents is a horrible thing. Losing my grandma sucked but I can tell myself she was 92 and I was very blessed to have had her in my life for that long and that she was in good shape mentally and physically until the last two months.

Unfortunately being a grown up sucks at times. There are balls you can't drop and you have to suck it up and deal. There's nothing wrong with accepting help for things people can help with.

[finnime]

Oh, I hope your head (and other pains) doesn't cause you any more trouble, Pink Cashmere. That sounds really awful. I do get headaches but not triggered by medications.

[Opti]

Aug 20, 2024 19:22:22 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I did not get much sleep at all last night. I remember when Mister and I first went to bed, telling him “my head is trying to hurt”. Before I could go to sleep my head started hurting so bad, I thought many times about waking Mister up and asking him to take me to the ER. It was hurting so bad that I wondered if something was seriously wrong. There was no way I could sleep with my head hurting like that. After a few hours, it subsided some and I dozed off, off and on, but I was still mostly awake all night and until I finally got out of bed around 10:30am. It was still hurting then, just not as bad. 

I have a lot of aches and pains all over my body, but I don’t really have issues with headaches. I might have an occasional slight headache when my sinuses are acting a fool, but nothing like I experienced last night. It was so bad that I was praying, please God don’t let me die tonight. Which means I really probably should have woke Mister up and went to the ER for real. 

So of course I wondered if it was the Pristique. That’s the only thing I’ve done different. I remember stopping an antidepressant before because it was causing headaches, but I can’t remember which one it was and I don’t recall ever having a headache that painful in my life. If I have a headache like that again tonight, I’m not taking it anymore and I’m calling the Doctor to tell her that. If I’d had to go to work today, I wouldn’t have made it. I had to force myself to get up when I finally did, because I had things I needed to do to prepare for my work week. My head did finally stop hurting about an hour after I got out of bed, but last night was beyond terrible. I can’t do that, once was more than enough.

Sometimes meds do not work with your particular body chemistry. That's OK, its good you stopped and will let it leave your system so you can feel better. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 20, 2024 21:41:52 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

He definitely has to handle the estate and in a timely manner. Everything I did for my grandma's estate had timelines attached to it. The whole process sucks but it has to be done.

My uncle paid off my aunt's bills after her death. He sold the house they had jointly owned. He did not however, do a damn bit of the legal estate paperwork. He and his son (as the presumed heir) got sued by someone looking to file a claim against the estate and then the county summoned them to court to answer for the untimely estate. By then my uncle had moved to live near my cousin so 2 hours one way from the court. My cousin had to take a day's vacation to appear in court and hire a lawyer to straighten out the whole mess.

My aunt passed 11 months prior to my grandma. I had grandma's estate closed before my aunt's was and it took me a year after grandma's death to complete it all.

I'm sure the grief and pain in losing your parents is a horrible thing. Losing my grandma sucked but I can tell myself she was 92 and I was very blessed to have had her in my life for that long and that she was in good shape mentally and physically until the last two months.

Unfortunately being a grown up sucks at times. There are balls you can't drop and you have to suck it up and deal. There's nothing wrong with accepting help for things people can help with.

That's what I feel like.  It was fair my dad gave me a bit of a lecture because he's right DH is dragging his feet and it is costing us time/money and may create further problems down the road.  I have no problems with him stepping into help.

I forgot what it is was DH was insisting he could do by himself but likely couldn't.  My dad texted me asking if DH need help. I told him just show up and start helping because DH is in a mindset that asking for help is questioning his manhood for some reason.  Don't tell him I told you.

DH figured out we had to have talked to each other.

To us that is what family does we step up for each other.   Sometimes it can be embarrassing but you don't know what you don't know.  I admitted to my dad I know very little about house maintenance so no it never occurred to me the gutters in the back were a problem.  Totally makes sense once he pointed it out.  Now I have the information so there is no excuse next time.

And I've tried to point out to DH there are a bazillion YouTube videos nowadays.  That's how I figured out where his keyfob goes in the Nissan if the battery ran out on it.  I just youtubed "Where to insert key in 2012 Nissan" and there it was.

Trying to get him over the hump of his learned helplessness has been a struggle both for him and for me.  He is trying he just needs to push harder.

He did finally come to me yesterday about FIL's annuity and asked me what we should do with it.  He said I am right he can't make his sister deal with all of this for him that isn't fair.  I told her that if he did that I consider it more than fair she charge him on behalf of the estate.  She doesn't want to baby him which is fair.  I still think she should charge for what she has done for her brothers though.

She'll get paid out of the estate regardless but it's a set amount and not nearly what I consider she should be getting for all the work she's done.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I would say the first two weeks on Prestiq were the worst and that is also why I took it at night.  Since it made me sleepy I slept through the worst of the side effects.  Then I balanced out.

Doesn't mean you should keep taking it if you are miserable.  But if you are interested in medication I'd at least give it a week if you can handle it.  Tylenol did pretty good at reliving the headache.

I got extreme vertigo on Wellbutrin to the point where I couldn't stand up so that was a HELL NO because it was a massive safety issue.

[Opti]

If she was ready to call ER, she needs something else. MO. I tried to tough out a 7 day course of the antibiotic Biaxin. Should have dropped it after day 1. All taking it longer did was dig a deeper depression hole it took longer to get out of.
Wish I had listened to my coworkers on day two. Day 1 I knew it was all shades of wrong for me.

[finnime]

How is your head now, Pink Cashmere? Are the headaches subsiding? I really hope so. I've had migraines where I've thought it would be better to just surgically remove the head half that was so violently painful. It sounds like yours was similar.

[finnime]

The sun's rays are getting longer and the air has a touch of real cool in it now as we begin entry into my happy time of year. Soon I can cut back down on one of my meds that keeps a lid on depression. It also helps with the squirming restlessness I can experience in the summer. I wonder if my (Finnish) ancestry and genetic makeup predisposes me to have trouble in the summer. I can tell it's much better also since we moved north. Maryland was tough for me, taking so much energy to work through cloudy thinking and fighting the pull down into depression, that black dog. I do much better at this latitude.

[azucena]

It's always fascinating to me that your seasonal reaction is opposite mine.

I'm struggling but haven't wanted to admit it. It's def noticeable because I'm doing the bare minimum (and less) at work and with house stuff. Procrastinating all manner of things.

Some boys were picking on DD12 in science yesterday so she tried to stand up for herself. Then, she used the counseling app to get an appt and problem solved with the counselor who will also give the science teacher a heads up. Hard for DD not to think that this isn't a repeat of last year, but she had therapy last night so was able to talk thru it some more. Therapist narrowed in on what DD can control and also caught that DD gets really hung up on what's fair. Therapist asked if DD thought things were always fair between her and DD16. Talk about a hot button issue. DD lost it, curled up in a ball and begged to leave so we ended there. I got the silent treatment all the way home and for the rest of the night. After she went to bed, I slipped in and just hugged on her without saying anything. She tried to apologize and I said forget it and let's just enjoy the snuggles.

Really at my wit's end with DH too. He's so oblivious these days that it's up to me to enforce all the rules which makes me the bad guy and both girls know it and then take it out 100% on me. Plus I can't push past my paralysis to keep up with our house and life when he continues to slack off. No easy answers there and I'd rather not be preached at from folks here bc intellectually I can see how lopsided my life is but feel stuck bc I'm carrying and prioritizing the girls' emotions over mine so status quo still feels like the slightly preferred choice. Even crazier when I attempt to reset things with DH, his first comeback is always you don't need me anyway, so why keep me around. Dysfunctional much.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

azucena. 

I've so BTDT and got the T shirt.

Now that I'm back in therapy I am working on trying to get my shit back together.  It's really slow going.  I was telling DH I have spent so much time caring about/for other people and being responsible and so focused on being "good" that I often don't know who I am.  It really got lost in the last two years.

[lurkyloo]

I am so sorry to hear, azucena.  That sounds really hard to take, being the glue that keeps everything together and also the punching bag 

[lurkyloo]

My anxiety is at an all time non-seasonal high.  Can’t settle down enough to work very well without a crisis, which work has obliged me by providing    The buspirone doesn’t seem to be actively triggering migraines but it’s not doing much for anxiety either as far as I can tell.

DS’ sped case manager called earlier but it was right as I had logged into a meeting and she said it wasn’t emergent.  Now I’m waiting for her to call back and imagining all the worst case scenarios my brain can come up with which are legion 

[finnime]

I hope it's just something inconsequential, like a change next semester in his schedule for PE or whatever, lurkyloo.

[finnime]

And azucena, I got tired of XH and even current DH being supportive a bit when things get heated in life, then needy for attention themselves without a pause. Can't they wait for the current crises to resolve? Don't they see? 

[azucena]

In a better update, one of the Pastors from our new church sent through a particularly well worded monthly newsletter article about an upcoming 9 week sermon series on fruits of the spirit and tying it loosely into the election cycle.

Here's just a snippet:
"The fruit of our toxic culture is fear-based hatred.

The fruit of the Jesus-way is compassion, mercy, and love.

The fruit of today’s culture is blame and self-preservation.

The fruit of the kingdom of heaven is confession, forgiveness, and selflessness.

The fruit of the world is bitterness and slander.

The fruit of the kingdom of God is joy, gentleness, and kindness."

Yaasssss to all of that for me! Losing my church connection has been heartbreaking in so many ways, but so much continues to feel right about the new one we've found. Another Pastor's sermon this past week was about finding your purpose and she mentioned she feels strongly pulled into helping people who have been hurt by the church. There's a new conversational Spanish speaking Bible study starting up in two weeks that DD16 is eager to try out. She's been searching for a place to practice what she's learning.

[TheOtherMe]

azucena 


You know I get on my sister, but I know that the closure of their church (now probably 7 years ago) is still a very sore spot for my sister and BIL and many other parishoners.  They have not found a new church home where they feel welcome.  Part of it is that they had all belonged to this church from the time it met in a house turned in to a chuch just down the street from my parents' house in the town where my parents were in assisted living.  

Then a pastor was sent to close the 3 small churches and combine it into one larger church.  She fudged the numbers as in reporting the attendance figures as much higher than they were.  So the Synod built the new chuch.  It never ever drew the numbers that particular pastor sent in.  Without that kind of attendance, it was never able to make enough money to pay it's bills.  

It is sad that so many of those people have not yet found a church where they feel comfortable.  These were the regulars and the ones who contributed big dollars over the years.  They felt totally betrayed.