Parents who are financial unstable...and downsizing them...

[emma1420]

Apr 16, 2017 21:14:35 GMT -5 busymom said:

Glad to hear the house is on the market, & at a good price.  


I know you can't control your Mom, but strongly encourage her to allow ALL showing requests.  The longer the house is on the market, the lower the selling price goes.  Good luck!

Trust me.  I'm trying.  But, I can't make her accept showing requests.  I suspect if she hasn't gotten an offer in a few weeks, it will be easier to get her to comply.  Of course we will have missed the first couple of weeks, but that won't be able to be helped.

[zibazinski]

Unless she really doesn't want to sell so is sabotaging the efforts. Too bad she can't stay with a family member or a friend until the house sells.

[emma1420]

And an offer!  The realtor is recommending that she turn it down, as it's a low-ball offer (even for the condition of the house), but it's an offer.  But, I did just have a conversation with her that if she wants a higher offer she has to start accepting all showing requests.   So I think at least for the next few days this low-ball offer has motivated her enough to get with the program.

Keep your fingers crossed it stays that way.

Zib -- and I wish that she could stay elsewhere. But, as no one can stand her that isn't likely.  

[zibazinski]

How sad. 

[emma1420]

And I thought I'd provide an update.  It's mostly a non-update.

No more offers.  House is still on the market.  My mother refused to have an open house this past weekend, because she didn't want to leave her house.  She's also stopped speaking to me, because I won't let her move in with me while her house is on the market.

So you know, good times!

[zibazinski]

Apr 24, 2017 16:42:52 GMT -5 emma1420 said:

And I thought I'd provide an update.  It's mostly a non-update.

No more offers.  House is still on the market.  My mother refused to have an open house this past weekend, because she didn't want to leave her house.  She's also stopped speaking to me, because I won't let her move in with me while her house is on the market.

So you know, good times!

Hugs. It might be worth it, honestly. She's not going to cooperate with the selling process otherwise.

[emma1420]

Apr 24, 2017 16:54:45 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Apr 24, 2017 16:42:52 GMT -5 emma1420 said:

And I thought I'd provide an update.  It's mostly a non-update.

No more offers.  House is still on the market.  My mother refused to have an open house this past weekend, because she didn't want to leave her house.  She's also stopped speaking to me, because I won't let her move in with me while her house is on the market.

So you know, good times!

Hugs. It might be worth it, honestly. She's not going to cooperate with the selling process otherwise.

Nothing is worth that. The longer this goes on the more i feel like if she ends up homeless I won't care.

[dee27]

You did your part, and if your mom will not cooperate with the RE agent, I would sit back and let her deal with a forced sale at a later date. Karma will not be kind to a woman who has alienated most of her family and friends. I am sorry that she lacks the perspective to appreciate your efforts.

[giramomma]

Apr 24, 2017 16:42:52 GMT -5 emma1420 said:

 She's also stopped speaking to me, because I won't let her move in with me while her house is on the market.

I'm sorry. I have a mom like that, too.

[debthaven]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this Emma. You've done a GREAT deal for her.

I'm surprised about something though ... could they not have held the open house with her there? Did your mom refuse the open house, or did the agents refuse to do it unless she left?

Sorry if this is a stupid question ...

[zibazinski]

Maybe you need to have a "come to Jesus talk with your mother."

[Peace77]

Can you buy your Mom a ticket to the movies?
Have the open house while she's gone.

[ginpin]

I don't have anything to offer, other than virtual hugs. I feel for you.

Reading this thread hurts my soul, because it reminds me of the difficulty when my own mom was destitute. 

We became estranged, and she died a few years later. I still feel guilty because I probably should have done things different. Too late now.

[zibazinski]

Apr 25, 2017 17:26:02 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Can you buy your Mom a ticket to the movies?
Have the open house while she's gone.

Take her to the movies and lunch or dinner. If she has the house taken from her, you'll have to support her that much sooner.

[emma1420]

Apr 25, 2017 14:05:47 GMT -5 debthaven said:

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this Emma. You've done a GREAT deal for her.

I'm surprised about something though ... could they not have held the open house with her there? Did your mom refuse the open house, or did the agents refuse to do it unless she left?

Sorry if this is a stupid question ...

Her argument is that she needs a place to lay down if she's out of the house for more than two hours.  It would do more harm than good to have an open house with her bedroom blocked off because she's in bed.  I should have probably offered to paid for a hotel room for her.  But, I'm mentally exhausted.  I've done enough. She's on her own now.

[mamasita99]

Apr 25, 2017 22:36:42 GMT -5 emma1420 said:

Apr 25, 2017 14:05:47 GMT -5 debthaven said:

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this Emma. You've done a GREAT deal for her.

I'm surprised about something though ... could they not have held the open house with her there? Did your mom refuse the open house, or did the agents refuse to do it unless she left?

Sorry if this is a stupid question ...

Her argument is that she needs a place to lay down if she's out of the house for more than two hours.  It would do more harm than good to have an open house with her bedroom blocked off because she's in bed.  I should have probably offered to paid for a hotel room for her.  But, I'm mentally exhausted.  I've done enough. She's on her own now.

Ugh, I'm mentally exhausted with that argument. She can recline in a fancy movie theatre for 2 hours, many have deluxe seating now. I would walk away from her circus, myself, until she's ready to at least be cooperative of your help. If it's not one thing it's another.

[azucena]

Emma it sounds like you're dealing with an unhealthy person in the most healthy way possible for your own sanity. I have a MIL and SIL like your mom. They are constantly on the verge of losing everything but seem to thrive in the drama of it all.

[zibazinski]

I'm so sorry. How far away does she live from you again? Maybe she could spend the night? Honestly, I'd have her for the weekend, hire a cleaner while she's there, and let the realtor hold an open house and showings or maybe two open houses. Or get her a hotel room even for the weekend. I get that she's her own worst enemy but in your interest, her getting that house sold for decent money helps you out in the end.

[zibazinski]

Apr 26, 2017 4:43:35 GMT -5 mamasita99 said:

Apr 25, 2017 22:36:42 GMT -5 emma1420 said:

Her argument is that she needs a place to lay down if she's out of the house for more than two hours.  It would do more harm than good to have an open house with her bedroom blocked off because she's in bed.  I should have probably offered to paid for a hotel room for her.  But, I'm mentally exhausted.  I've done enough. She's on her own now.

Ugh, I'm mentally exhausted with that argument. She can recline in a fancy movie theatre for 2 hours, many have deluxe seating now. I would walk away from her circus, myself, until she's ready to at least be cooperative of your help. If it's not one thing it's another.

Malls have a lot of seats too

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Out of curiousity why can't the house be shown with her in the bedroom?  Is she wailing and creating a spooky Jane Eyre like atmosphere?  Does she get up and throw things at people who walk thru the hall to see the house?

If the market is hot then I would think you could find buyers who would be fine without seeing one room of the house before purchase if the truth is spun to say the owner is "bed ridden" and therefore can't leave the room.

I get your mom is being difficult but I doubt she' the first homeowner that has ever been a PITA.  I am curious why the realtor doesn't seem to be able to figure out a work around.

[raeoflyte]

Apr 26, 2017 8:41:48 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Out of curiousity why can't the house be shown with her in the bedroom?  Is she wailing and creating a spooky Jane Eyre like atmosphere?  Does she get up and throw things at people who walk thru the hall to see the house?

If the market is hot then I would think you could find buyers who would be fine without seeing one room of the house before purchase if the truth is spun to say the owner is "bed ridden" and therefore can't leave the room.

I get your mom is being difficult but I doubt she' the first homeowner that has ever been a PITA.  I am curious why the realtor doesn't seem to be able to figure out a work around.

The work around is no open house.  Very few homes get sold on an open house honestly, and the owner still in the home (even pets still in the home) is going to make the situation even more unlikely.  It's mostly nosy neighbors that come in, and a way for the agent to snag more clients.  

Sometimes it takes some time for offers to come in, but if you're not getting showings my opinion is that means you're overpriced.  Better to lower the price sooner rather than later and try to generate activity.  

Emma--best of luck in everything.   

[Bonny]

Apr 26, 2017 9:46:46 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Apr 26, 2017 8:41:48 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Out of curiousity why can't the house be shown with her in the bedroom?  Is she wailing and creating a spooky Jane Eyre like atmosphere?  Does she get up and throw things at people who walk thru the hall to see the house?

If the market is hot then I would think you could find buyers who would be fine without seeing one room of the house before purchase if the truth is spun to say the owner is "bed ridden" and therefore can't leave the room.

I get your mom is being difficult but I doubt she' the first homeowner that has ever been a PITA.  I am curious why the realtor doesn't seem to be able to figure out a work around.

The work around is no open house.  Very few homes get sold on an open house honestly, and the owner still in the home (even pets still in the home) is going to make the situation even more unlikely.  It's mostly nosy neighbors that come in, and a way for the agent to snag more clients.  

Sometimes it takes some time for offers to come in, but if you're not getting showings my opinion is that means you're overpriced.  Better to lower the price sooner rather than later and try to generate activity.  

Emma--best of luck in everything.   

Actually, I've both sold houses at open houses and when I think about it we bought this house at a broker open house.

Open houses are an important marketing tool. While I have no stats to back me up those "nosy neighbors" are part of the marketing process. They'll let their friends and family know about a house in the neighborhood for sale and voila! Another customer.

emma, since your mom got an offer within the first few days of putting it on the market, that indicates to me that she's likely within the price range. If there's no relative or friend who will put her up, is there a long term furnished apartment complex in town where she can stay for two weeks or so? Or an inexpensive AirBnB type set up?

I feel for you. Dealing with my stubborn MIL and her issues are exhausting. And I know if something happens to my father's g/f he will likely be behaving like your mom.

[zibazinski]

She got a lowball offer not a reasonable one.

[zibazinski]

Apr 26, 2017 10:04:26 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Apr 26, 2017 9:46:46 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

The work around is no open house.  Very few homes get sold on an open house honestly, and the owner still in the home (even pets still in the home) is going to make the situation even more unlikely.  It's mostly nosy neighbors that come in, and a way for the agent to snag more clients.  

Sometimes it takes some time for offers to come in, but if you're not getting showings my opinion is that means you're overpriced.  Better to lower the price sooner rather than later and try to generate activity.  

Emma--best of luck in everything.   

Actually, I've both sold houses at open houses and when I think about it we bought this house at a broker open house.

Open houses are an important marketing tool. While I have no stats to back me up those "nosy neighbors" are part of the marketing process. They'll let their friends and family know about a house in the neighborhood for sale and voila! Another customer.

emma, since your mom got an offer within the first few days of putting it on the market, that indicates to me that she's likely within the price range. If there's no relative or friend who will put her up, is there a long term furnished apartment complex in town where she can stay for two weeks or so? Or an inexpensive AirBnB type set up?

I feel for you. Dealing with my stubborn MIL and her issues are exhausting. And I know if something happens to my father's g/f he will likely be behaving like your mom.

A friend of my Aunt had a live in boyfriend of many years. She died without making any provisions for him to stay in the house until he died or needed more care, her children inherited and booted him out. I thought that was an awful way to be treated and it made me wonder if he knew he was going to get booted out.

[azucena]

Even if she gets a full price offer, is she going to sign it?

[emma1420]

Apr 26, 2017 12:46:26 GMT -5 azucena said:

Even if she gets a full price offer, is she going to sign it?

Yes, she knows she has to move.  And that if she doesn't sign that she'll lose her house and be homeless.  

i think part of the problem is that the realtor priced her house about 20k more than they initially thought they would price it.  So I think she I like many home owners, once she believed she would walk away with more money she's not willing to accept much less.

And while it's a sellers market, things that are overpriced and not in good conditions aren't flying off the shelves.

But, I'm done.  She's not staying in my house.  I'm not paying for her to stay in a long-term hotel.  There are consequences for her choices.  I've done all I'm willing to do to help her.  If she wants to limit her choices or destroy them, that is on her.  She's an adult. 

[zibazinski]

Apr 26, 2017 22:31:01 GMT -5 emma1420 said:

Apr 26, 2017 12:46:26 GMT -5 azucena said:

Even if she gets a full price offer, is she going to sign it?

Yes, she knows she has to move.  And that if she doesn't sign that she'll lose her house and be homeless.  

i think part of the problem is that the realtor priced her house about 20k more than they initially thought they would price it.  So I think she I like many home owners, once she believed she would walk away with more money she's not willing to accept much less.

And while it's a sellers market, things that are overpriced and not in good conditions aren't flying off the shelves.

But, I'm done.  She's not staying in my house.  I'm not paying for her to stay in a long-term hotel.  There are consequences for her choices.  I've done all I'm willing to do to help her.  If she wants to limit her choices or destroy them, that is on her.  She's an adult. 

Yes, except she is an adult that you will be expected to support you've said. Therefore since you're not willing to upset your other relatives by walking away, it behooves you to help her get a good price. Even if it means getting her out of the house. Talk to that realtor too. It's a sellers market here but even the overpriced pieces of junk stay on the market too long. Some the realtor I was working with are still on the market. If it's over a month in a sellers market, there's a serious issue. Most houses here, even crap ones, go in a few days with multiple offers.

[Bonny]

Apr 26, 2017 10:46:00 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Apr 26, 2017 10:04:26 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Actually, I've both sold houses at open houses and when I think about it we bought this house at a broker open house.

Open houses are an important marketing tool. While I have no stats to back me up those "nosy neighbors" are part of the marketing process. They'll let their friends and family know about a house in the neighborhood for sale and voila! Another customer.

emma, since your mom got an offer within the first few days of putting it on the market, that indicates to me that she's likely within the price range. If there's no relative or friend who will put her up, is there a long term furnished apartment complex in town where she can stay for two weeks or so? Or an inexpensive AirBnB type set up?

I feel for you. Dealing with my stubborn MIL and her issues are exhausting. And I know if something happens to my father's g/f he will likely be behaving like your mom.

A friend of my Aunt had a live in boyfriend of many years. She died without making any provisions for him to stay in the house until he died or needed more care, her children inherited and booted him out. I thought that was an awful way to be treated and it made me wonder if he knew he was going to get booted out.

It's so hard to know what goes on in that kind of situation. If he's not paying rent to keep the place going I can certainly understand the children needing to move on.

FWIW, DH and I were the evil people who "kicked out" DFIL's 3rd wife. In addition to their jointly owned condo (which he paid for by taking a substantial principle payment against the corpus of the Trust that was supposed to pass to DH) DFIL gave 3rd wife a life estate in his cabin which DH inherited. The problem was that the cabin had a mortgage (borrowed from the same Trust). 3rd wife said she couldn't afford to pay it. We effectively did a deed in lieu of foreclosure and quitclaimed her interest in the cabin. But she went around town and told everyone that we kicked her out of "her" house.

My dad and his g/f went to an estate lawyer and set up a Trust with Dad having a life estate in the house. He's no longer on the title but was in order to qualify for a reverse mortgage. He also is entitled to 1/4 of the proceeds should the house be sold. They did things this way to keep his Medicaid eligibility.

The reality is that he really can't stay there if something happens to her. But it won't be easy getting him out. He's a borderline hoarder. Always has been but at least his worthless crap is limited to one bedroom and 2 garage stalls. I've already told him that if he loves me he needs to get that stuff out of there because it's not fair that both Mom and he are sticking me with a mess. I will be very surprised if he actually follows through.

[zibazinski]

He did pay for a lot of things plus took care of her yard and dog while she traveled for work. I don't know if he paid rent or not though. I was just shocked that she didn't have him stay there until he died.

[suesinfl]

Apr 26, 2017 22:31:01 GMT -5 emma1420 said:

Apr 26, 2017 12:46:26 GMT -5 azucena said:

Even if she gets a full price offer, is she going to sign it?

Yes, she knows she has to move.  And that if she doesn't sign that she'll lose her house and be homeless.  

i think part of the problem is that the realtor priced her house about 20k more than they initially thought they would price it.  So I think she I like many home owners, once she believed she would walk away with more money she's not willing to accept much less.

And while it's a sellers market, things that are overpriced and not in good conditions aren't flying off the shelves.

But, I'm done.  She's not staying in my house.  I'm not paying for her to stay in a long-term hotel.  There are consequences for her choices.  I've done all I'm willing to do to help her.  If she wants to limit her choices or destroy them, that is on her.  She's an adult. 

Emma, so many hugs to you. I've been in a similar situation except it was with both parents. It's a hard row to hoe, but you do what you need to do for your own sanity and for your DH and kids. It's hard to just walk away, but you do what you need to do and you don't look back.