Slowly Going Back Into Debt (Update/Trigger Warning #420)

[Shooby]

I am sorry but i cant understand holding on to a $500k home. I mean i know u have your reasons and maybe u cant move right now. But if you really want out of debt for the long haul you need to challenge your thinking.
Also, is your DH working or can he do odd jobs for cash?

[muttleynfelix]

Mar 29, 2017 6:01:04 GMT -5 Shooby said:

I am sorry but i cant understand holding on to a $500k home. I mean i know u have your reasons and maybe u cant move right now. But if you really want out of debt for the long haul you need to challenge your thinking.
Also, is your DH working or can he do odd jobs for cash?

She has already stated they can't move and her husband can't get a job until this is resolved. Once it is resolved, it is all on the table.

[muttleynfelix]

Sorry Shanen. Hope things turn your way soon.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Mar 29, 2017 9:23:57 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Mar 29, 2017 6:01:04 GMT -5 Shooby said:

I am sorry but i cant understand holding on to a $500k home. I mean i know u have your reasons and maybe u cant move right now. But if you really want out of debt for the long haul you need to challenge your thinking.
Also, is your DH working or can he do odd jobs for cash?

She has already stated they can't move and her husband can't get a job until this is resolved. Once it is resolved, it is all on the table.

I was going to also suggest looking for another bank to refi with.  

[shanendoah]

So, we are still going through with the refi, just on the 5/5 ARM instead of the 5/1.

Apparently, because we got the HELOC less than a year ago, our refi is considered a cash out. They can't do cash outs on the 5/1 over 75%. But they can on the 5/5. We're still saving a full 3/4% on the interest rate. Running the numbers, it should take about 2 years of staying in this house to break even.

It might even close in the next couple of days, as they have everything they need from us.


Shooby - I know a $500k home seems expensive, but for perspective, as of July of 2016, the median cost of a home in Seattle is $666,500. So I am not in an extravagant home. I am in a solidly middle of the road house, in a good school district. I also have a very short (for the Seattle area) commute that I can do on public transportation (and my bus pass is paid for via payroll deduction), saving us money on gas and car maintenance. 

Now, will we stay in this house another 2 years? I don't know. If we stay in it 2 years, we'll almost certainly be staying in it 5 years. But the decision to stay in this house or not, once things are more resolved with our legal situation will be an emotional decision. Finances won't really play into it.


EDITED TO ADD: And here's an article about the housing shortage in the Seattle area. We're at 1.1 months of inventory.

[seriousthistime]

shanendoah , can you ask the appraiser for a review or get a second appraisal?  If you know of places in your neighborhood that have sold within the past year that would help your argument, maybe the appraiser has overlooked something that would help you. 

ETA:  Obviously I did not read to the end of the posts.  I'm glad you can refi with this appraisal and the 5/5 ARM.  

[seriousthistime]

Mar 29, 2017 6:01:04 GMT -5 Shooby said:

I am sorry but i cant understand holding on to a $500k home. I mean i know u have your reasons and maybe u cant move right now. But if you really want out of debt for the long haul you need to challenge your thinking.
Also, is your DH working or can he do odd jobs for cash?

What's the median price of houses in your area, Shooby?  I'd be interested to know. 

[teachermom]

shanendoah In support of Shanendoah and the housing market there.....I lived there for 4 years as a new teacher with 3 young boys....it was a huge struggle. I rented a VERY small 3 bedroom, 1 bath home for over $1600 a month and barely got by. The market is very high for an average middle of the road home....$500,000 is on the low range.

Teachermom

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I paid $65k for my house.   Does that mean I get a trophy?

[steph08]

Mar 29, 2017 11:20:22 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Mar 29, 2017 6:01:04 GMT -5 Shooby said:

I am sorry but i cant understand holding on to a $500k home. I mean i know u have your reasons and maybe u cant move right now. But if you really want out of debt for the long haul you need to challenge your thinking.
Also, is your DH working or can he do odd jobs for cash?

What's the median price of houses in your area, Shooby ?  I'd be interested to know. 

I'd say $100k-$150k for a decent house. 

We're not quite in the same area, but not terribly far apart. 

We used to live in a 2 bed/1 bath, .2 acres, cost us $30k. 

Now we live in a 3 bed/2 bath, 1 acre, cost us $160k. 

[shanendoah]

NomoreDramaQ1015 - You have no idea how tempting it is sometimes, the thought of moving to somewhere with a significantly lower cost of living. Sure I'd make less money, but if I could buy a house outright with the proceeds from selling the current house, it would still be a major win. And living near you, or muttleynfelix, or sheilaincali, seems like it would be an extra bonus. Of course, then I'd need to deal with real winters again, and I am pretty happy not dealing with real winter. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

You'd also have to be a potato farmer, don't forget that.

[muttleynfelix]

Mar 29, 2017 13:01:52 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

NomoreDramaQ1015 - You have no idea how tempting it is sometimes, the thought of moving to somewhere with a significantly lower cost of living. Sure I'd make less money, but if I could buy a house outright with the proceeds from selling the current house, it would still be a major win. And living near you, or muttleynfelix, or sheilaincali, seems like it would be an extra bonus. Of course, then I'd need to deal with real winters again, and I am pretty happy not dealing with real winter. 

Amazing schools, amazing parks, 35 min from University of Iowa. My house 3bed, 2.5 bath, 2000 Sq ft, .33 AC yard for $192K.

[imawino]

Mar 29, 2017 13:01:52 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

NomoreDramaQ1015 - You have no idea how tempting it is sometimes, the thought of moving to somewhere with a significantly lower cost of living. Sure I'd make less money, but if I could buy a house outright with the proceeds from selling the current house, it would still be a major win. And living near you, or muttleynfelix , or sheilaincali , seems like it would be an extra bonus. Of course, then I'd need to deal with real winters again, and I am pretty happy not dealing with real winter. 

Real winters are the worst!! 

[Shooby]

Perhaps she should. Its up to her.

[imawino]

Mar 29, 2017 15:15:19 GMT -5 Shooby said:

When life changes, you make changes. So i give people the same advice i give myself or my kids. I dont pretend. She may do whatever she wants. Or she can look at ALL the options. Even the ones some of u dont like.

She has looked at her options, and then she has explained the decisions here. the explanations were in simple English and made sense. I ask again, is it that you could not be bothered to read it because it was more fun to just hurl judgmental comments that do not remotely fit the situation that she's in?   Or you could not understand the words she used in her explanation?

[Shooby]

The numbers are the numbers.

[swasat]

Mar 29, 2017 15:21:37 GMT -5 imawino said:

Mar 29, 2017 15:15:19 GMT -5 Shooby said:

When life changes, you make changes. So i give people the same advice i give myself or my kids. I dont pretend. She may do whatever she wants. Or she can look at ALL the options. Even the ones some of u dont like.

She has looked at her options, and then she has explained the decisions here. the explanations were in simple English and made sense. I ask again, is it that you could not be bothered to read it because it was more fun to just hurl judgmental comments that do not remotely fit the situation that she's in?   Or you could not understand the words she used in her explanation?

I see how it goes with her....

Hurl judgmental comments on one thread. When pounce on you, move on to another thread. So on from the 500K/year income ...on to this....till a next thread is found where there is opportunity for attack 

[imawino]

Mar 29, 2017 15:22:26 GMT -5 Shooby said:

The numbers are the numbers.

and a bagel is a bagel.

good lord.   why does anyone bother?  I'm pretty sure my annual pap smear is exponentially more pleasant than conversing with this particular brick wall. 

[Shooby]

I am offering up what i would do or what i would advjse my kids. The last thing i would be doing is borrowing more money. Just my opinion.

[chiver78]

okay, I'm going to remove the posts that are focused on one specific poster and her comprehension skills as they have nothing to do with the topic at hand. 

please try to remember to discuss the topic and not other posters, as tempting as that may be sometimes. 

-chiver mod

[Pants]

Mar 29, 2017 15:25:50 GMT -5 imawino said:

Mar 29, 2017 15:22:26 GMT -5 Shooby said:

The numbers are the numbers.

and a bagel is a bagel.

good lord.   why does anyone bother?  I'm pretty sure my annual pap smear is exponentially more pleasant than conversing with this particular brick wall. 

You just made me spit la croix on my work laptop. 

I'm unsure if I've ever said this, but I love you.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Mar 29, 2017 15:36:13 GMT -5 Pants said:

Mar 29, 2017 15:25:50 GMT -5 imawino said:

and a bagel is a bagel.

good lord.   why does anyone bother?  I'm pretty sure my annual pap smear is exponentially more pleasant than conversing with this particular brick wall. 

You just made me spit la croix on my work laptop. 

I'm unsure if I've ever said this, but I love you.

Back off, I've already given her my vagina hat.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Mar 29, 2017 15:22:26 GMT -5 Shooby said:

The numbers are the numbers.

And the legal situation is the legal situation.   Which if she does all that you suggest could get much messier and in turn, much more expensive.   If a legal expert tells me to keep my butt in my house and to not have my husband work I'm going to listen.   Otherwise why on earth would I be paying them to give me legal counsel?

[shanendoah]

I want to thank everyone who is "defending" me. Your support and compassion mean a lot to me. I am very blessed with the friendships I have both in person and in the computer.
It is because of these friendships that I decided to post about this situation here, even though there are necessary limits to what I can talk about. I understood the risk that some people would not understand or might be frustrated at the lack of information. I accepted the possibility that it might seem like I was giving excuses, and maybe even be entering the realm of "troll".
However, the "reward" of being able to talk about our financial situation, even in a limited fashion, with someone other than my husband was something I judged worth it. Having a place where I can be open about the numbers, if not the full circumstances, has helped reduce my stress at home and with my family. And that's a really big deal right now.

While Shooby comments have not been the most compassionate, they also haven't been deliberately mean or cruel. If she were upsetting me, I would have no problems blocking her. 
And she is right, the numbers are the numbers, and C and I had a long conversation last night about whether or not to go through with the refi. Because if we were to sell the house this summer, obviously this would not be the smartest financial decision. We decided there was at least a 50% chance of us staying in this house over the next 2 years, and therefore it was worth it. But we had the talk.

Given our current situation, financial decisions are also emotional decisions. They are based on a combination of hope and despair. And it's hard for people "in the computer" to always fully understand the emotional situations even when they can be shared, let alone when they can't.

But again, thank you to all of my defenders. <3

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

It sounded trite at the time but people were right when they told me at least we started from a good place.  Which would not be possible if we were not smart to begin with.   Unfortunately not all of us can be so perfect that short of a zombie apocalypse nothing will derail our finances.

I beat myself up a lot about our finances.  DH pointed out that instead of shaming myself for getting into the hole I need to recognize how valuable it is that I can get out of it.   That's more than a lot of people are capable of.  

[shanendoah]

NomoreDramaQ1015 - I am with you there. I shudder to think of what our financial situation would be like now if we hadn't had substantial savings, if we'd had debt payments other than the house when this started. So we started in a good place. And while I did try and bury my head in the sand financially for 6 months or so, we do know how to see our way out of this.
And the truth is, we will still likely end this legal scenario with less debt than a lot of Americans have, even if it's a lot more than we would like to have.

[suesinfl]

Shane, you are doing what you and C need to do for your family, it's better than living in lala land. Thank you for sharing what you can, as it can be a lesson for others. You are a very strong woman and I admire you for your strength and tenacity. Best of luck to your family. 

[Opti]

Mar 29, 2017 13:11:37 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

You'd also have to be a potato farmer, don't forget that.

Dammint! That's what I'm doing wrong. I forgot I am supposed to be potato farming where I live instead of planting the occasional flower.

[zibazinski]

There are places in this country where houses cost less than 500k and no nasty winters in case you ever decide to move to a lcola.