I'm beginning to hate my family

[andi9899]

Dec 6, 2016 10:00:07 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I guess I don't get how having a friend over ruins Christmas either? 

Me neither. But my family takes all kinds. We will unofficially adopt just about anyone. We often get unannounced extras at family functions. No problem, there's plenty of food and drink to go around. Any of you guys could come with me to a family thing and no one would think twice about it.

[Deleted]

Dec 6, 2016 10:02:50 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

I don't know... I can't fault anyone for not being super exited to have a stranger staying with them for Christmas.   

I guess I look at it from the strangers side.  They're choosing to spend time with my family at Christmas.  Either they have nowhere else to go or they're really good "friends" with my child.  Either way my door is open.  Our Christmas is kind of a free for all crazyness anyhow, so the more the merrier.  I can see where it would be more uncomfortable in a smaller more intimate environment.

This year is going to be even more nuts than normal with the Packers and Vikings playing on Christmas Eve.  Lots of weirdos in green and gold will be showing up at my house.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 6, 2016 10:17:33 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Dec 6, 2016 10:06:46 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

But isn't this the time to put your discomfort aside more than any other time?

For me personally,   I love Christmas Eve.  It is the best day of the year.   The thing I love most about it is spending the evening very low key with immediate family (first with my parents and sister and now with just my husband).   I have offered to MrSroo to invite any orphans that he may know about to spend Christmas Eve with us and I mean it when I say invite them because I don't want anyone who wants to spend the day with others to be alone.   I would open my house up and my share my favorite day willingly.   But, I'm not sure how happy I would be deep down,  especially if it were with someone I didn't know.  

Does that make me a bad person? I hope not. I'd like to think I'm entitled to feelings of disappointment for my favorite day being changed. Does that make me selfish?  Maybe a little.         

But would it ruin the day for you, or make you appreciate more the blessings of family that you have, and others don't?

[haapai]

Dec 6, 2016 9:47:00 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

The only one I remember quite well, was the one where he was leading the group of boys on a cattle drive.   The Cowboys or something.  I can remember everything about that day on my grandparents farm sitting in the rocking chair and watching it with my Grandpa while Grandma baked.  It's weird because it was probably over 40 years ago.  I might have to watch that again some day. 

I read the book, or at least the book that was released to a subscription audience after the movie was released.  The name escapes me, except that I'm pretty sure that it began with "The..." and didn't go on much from there.

[haapai]

Oh nuts!  The movie was called "The Cowboys".  Or so I have been lead to believe, I've never seen the flick, just read something by the same title. 

In my defense, this struck me as kinda lame when I was 12.  I read the book/whatever because there was absolutely nothing else to read but I've never felt the need to find the movie and watch it. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Dec 6, 2016 10:31:05 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Dec 6, 2016 10:25:18 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

But would it ruin the day for you, or make you appreciate more the blessings of family that you have, and others don't?

Probably both (but I wouldn't say ruin... can't think of the word I would use).   With a little guilt thrown in for good measure. 

Look,  I'm not a perfect person (never claimed to be).  I try to think of others, I make an effort to do the right thing, I want to be a good person.   But I can't deny that the same time as all of that I would probably feel some disappointment. 

we, ok i, run an.open house on Christmas Eve. Right now, it's extended family, who may or may not come. I don't care if they do or don't come. I do this to get around my Mil's need to see her grandchildren open they presents and my need for Santa to come on Christmas Eve.

As the kids get older, I figure I'll add friends. Although dd signed up for the Christmas play this year, which means Mass at 5pm to see her. And I'm in the handbell choir so I need to be at church at 1130pm for Midnight Mass and back again for 10am Mass. So I don't have time or energy to worry about who's coming. Come if you want, hang out until Mass if you want. If you don't, no harm no foul.

[chen35]

Dec 6, 2016 10:31:05 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Dec 6, 2016 10:25:18 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

But would it ruin the day for you, or make you appreciate more the blessings of family that you have, and others don't?

Probably both (but I wouldn't say ruin... can't think of the word I would use).   With a little guilt thrown in for good measure. 

Look,  I'm not a perfect person (never claimed to be).  I try to think of others, I make an effort to do the right thing, I want to be a good person.   But I can't deny that the same time as all of that I would probably feel some disappointment. 

This is kind of how I feel. I don't like making small talk with people I don't know on a good day, let alone a day I was excited to spend with my family. I would feel guilty about feeling that way though, and it would probably turn out fine. 

DH would love to have friends come. So hopefully his cheery attitude would make up for mine

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Dec 6, 2016 9:53:04 GMT -5 dannylion said:

What happens if you ignore the theme and just do what you want and get something you think the person would like or consider useful without worrying about whether it fits a theme that doesn't have any meaning for you? 

I'll bet there are other family members who find the themes constricting and annoying but are not brave enough to just ignore them and do what would make them happier.

Be the first.  Forget the theme.  Give a gift that has meaning for you and the recipient. 

Maybe next year you could suggest that people choose their own themes. 

Isn't Christmas already a theme in itself?

And a sufficient theme at that, I might add.

[dannylion]

I don't have any family.

I am grateful for the people who continue to be willing to make room for me in their family celebrations.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 6, 2016 11:23:26 GMT -5 dannylion said:

I don't have any family.

I am grateful for the people who continue to be willing to make room for me in their family celebrations.

The older I get, the more I appreciate it and worry about those who have none.  

We have 2 neighbors who are a widow/widower (yeah, I'm still kind of wondering if they'll hook up), where if TD and I were in town, we'd be inviting them over.

[swamp]

Dec 6, 2016 10:19:31 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Dec 6, 2016 10:00:07 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I guess I don't get how having a friend over ruins Christmas either? 

Me neither. But my family takes all kinds. We will unofficially adopt just about anyone. We often get unannounced extras at family functions. No problem, there's plenty of food and drink to go around. Any of you guys could come with me to a family thing and no one would think twice about it.

I'm in. You guys sound like fun.

[Deleted]

Dec 6, 2016 11:10:04 GMT -5 chen35 said:

Dec 6, 2016 10:31:05 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Probably both (but I wouldn't say ruin... can't think of the word I would use).   With a little guilt thrown in for good measure. 

Look,  I'm not a perfect person (never claimed to be).  I try to think of others, I make an effort to do the right thing, I want to be a good person.   But I can't deny that the same time as all of that I would probably feel some disappointment. 

This is kind of how I feel. I don't like making small talk with people I don't know on a good day, let alone a day I was excited to spend with my family. I would feel guilty about feeling that way though, and it would probably turn out fine. 

DH would love to have friends come. So hopefully his cheery attitude would make up for mine

I don't either, it takes me forever to warm up to someone.  But our family gatherings are so large and full of extroverts that love talking to anyone and everyone that it's easy to get to know a newbie without the uncomfortable part. 

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Dec 6, 2016 9:40:21 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I can honestly say that I've never seen a John Wayne movie.

the quiet man is the best. St. patrick's day, big pot of boiled cabage, carrot and potatoes, and I'm set. to celebrate my irish heritage

it is funny, endearing, heart warming. A lot of good supporting roles by good character actors. 

it's not a western, though...

[andi9899]

Dec 6, 2016 11:27:05 GMT -5 swamp said:

Dec 6, 2016 10:19:31 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Me neither. But my family takes all kinds. We will unofficially adopt just about anyone. We often get unannounced extras at family functions. No problem, there's plenty of food and drink to go around. Any of you guys could come with me to a family thing and no one would think twice about it.

I'm in. You guys sound like fun.

Let's do it! But to warn you, we drink a lot. Conversations turn inappropriate fast and you may come out with a new nickname. My uncle asked what someone's name was that my cousin brought and I said "hell if I know". The rest of the day that was her name. When she left she got a whole herd of drunk Mexicans shouting "Bye, hell if I know!"

[swamp]

Dec 6, 2016 11:35:03 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Dec 6, 2016 11:27:05 GMT -5 swamp said:

I'm in. You guys sound like fun.

Let's do it! But to warn you, we drink a lot. Conversations turn inappropriate fast and you may come out with a new nickname. My uncle asked what someone's name was that my cousin brought and I said "hell if I know". The rest of the day that was her name. When she left she got a whole herd of drunk Mexicans shouting "Bye, hell if I know!"

you guys sound like a darker version of my family.

With better food.

[Tiny]

Dec 5, 2016 19:52:55 GMT -5 engineerdoe said:

No need to watch it:


en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Outlaw_Josey_Wales

It is set in the civil war and he treks out west after he was supposed to surrender but didn't.  REI takes care of the treking and maybe a nice light-weight camp stove to take on the trail.

But, a young Clint Eastwood is mighty easy on the eyes....

[dannylion]

Dec 6, 2016 11:29:22 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Dec 6, 2016 11:23:26 GMT -5 dannylion said:

I don't have any family.

I am grateful for the people who continue to be willing to make room for me in their family celebrations.

I kind of feel like this was directed at me.   If that's the case then I'll respond.   I too am grateful for people who open up their homes and hearts to me.   I likewise do the same.    But I am also grateful for the time and memories I am able to create for my family which will, I'm sure, be a great source of comfort for me when or if I find myself without them. 

I think I'm done in this thread for now. 

Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.  My remark wasn't directed at anyone.  The topic just reminded me of how grateful I am to have generous people in my life. It was just me expressing gratitude, not directed at anyone else.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Dec 6, 2016 11:41:47 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Dec 5, 2016 19:52:55 GMT -5 engineerdoe said:

No need to watch it:


en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Outlaw_Josey_Wales

It is set in the civil war and he treks out west after he was supposed to surrender but didn't.  REI takes care of the treking and maybe a nice light-weight camp stove to take on the trail.

But, a young Clint Eastwood is mighty easy on the eyes....

not covered in grunge and hair he's not.

[Tiny]

ooo ooo ooo! ::waving hand frantically in the air!:: I know why an unexpected guest at the holidays ruins it!!! It's because it messes with tradition!!! and if the holidays are 100% tied to traditions and kept to the same old same old  it's just not the holidays.

I know this because a few years ago I didn't make a bowl of mashed rutabaga - which NO ONE EVER EATS or even touches.    I 'ruined' Christmas... because suddenly everyone wanted to know where the bowl of rutabaga was. When I said I didn't make any,  it got all really solemn and sad at the table.  Everyone looked uncomfortable - there was NO mashed rutabaga. Christmas was a bust - for everyone.  Dinner continued in silence.  It wasn't until after dinner that there was some return of the Holiday cheer... it didn't last long.  Everyone quickly left after opening presents - apparently unsatisfied because there was no mashed rutabaga.    

The year after that, I made the mashed rutabaga - and instead of throwing the untouched mush away after dinner - I froze it.  And pulled it out the next year and 're-served' it.   No one noticed.  No one ate it.   It was there in all it's glory making Christmas Christmas.     I did stick it back in the freezer after that dinner.   I should check to see if it's still knocking around my freezer or if I'll have to make a new batch to serve again this year....

But, that is why any upset to Tradition RUINS Christmas.   Some one no one knows is just going to make everyone uncomfortable.  No one will know what to talk about.  Someone will, of course, ask uncomfortable questions of the guest.  The host/hostest will have to worry about the food, the table settings, the gifts, the decorations, where the extra person will sit, sleep (if they are a house guest)...etc...   

[Wisconsin Beth]

Hugs sroo.

[andi9899]

Dec 6, 2016 11:57:13 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Dec 6, 2016 11:44:26 GMT -5 dannylion said:

Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.  My remark wasn't directed at anyone.  The topic just reminded me of how grateful I am to have generous people in my life. It was just me expressing gratitude, not directed at anyone else.

Thanks,  sorry that I took your comment out of context.   I've been feeling a bit misunderstood and beat up in this thread (actually I've been feeling the same way about life the the last couple of weeks).     Hopefully we all find a place in other's hearts for Christmas...    

Wanna hang with the andi family? We'll get you drunk and well fed.

[justme]

The answer is gaslight to the extreme. Pick whatever you want and then gaslight the hell out of the family.

How can you not get it?
It references that great scene.
Come on, you know the scene.
Have you not watched the movie? The scene!
I thought you guys watched the movie!
Well I can't tell you about the scene, I don't want to spoil it so you need to go watch the movie.

Only hiccup is if the host has the movie. In the case you either sneak out while they're watching or keep it up with the come on, it's so obvious how are you not getting it.

[Lizard Queen]

I'm an introvert, so strangers/acquaintances cause me stress.  So does some of my family, so having a night to celebrate with just my immediate family sounds awesome.  I won't get that, but I'll get Christmas morning, at least.

As far as the OP is concerned, if you're just now starting to hate your family, you're doing awesome! 

[justme]

Dec 6, 2016 12:26:24 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Dec 6, 2016 12:22:27 GMT -5 justme said:

The answer is gaslight to the extreme. Pick whatever you want and then gaslight the hell out of the family.

How can you not get it?
It references that great scene.
Come on, you know the scene.
Have you not watched the movie? The scene!
I thought you guys watched the movie!
Well I can't tell you about the scene, I don't want to spoil it so you need to go watch the movie.

Only hiccup is if the host has the movie. In the case you either sneak out while they're watching or keep it up with the come on, it's so obvious how are you not getting it.

If she's going to do that then she needs to give a totally random present that doesn't relate to the movie at all,  like pink bunny slippers.     That will really have the family scratching their heads thinking "How did I miss that the last time I watched the movie?"

Well yea, pick whatever you want. Don't even have to watch the movie.

[Deleted]

At least you weren't given the theme of "Deliverance."  

[raeoflyte]

Dec 6, 2016 11:59:23 GMT -5 Tiny said:

ooo ooo ooo! ::waving hand frantically in the air!:: I know why an unexpected guest at the holidays ruins it!!! It's because it messes with tradition!!! and if the holidays are 100% tied to traditions and kept to the same old same old  it's just not the holidays.

I know this because a few years ago I didn't make a bowl of mashed rutabaga - which NO ONE EVER EATS or even touches.    I 'ruined' Christmas... because suddenly everyone wanted to know where the bowl of rutabaga was. When I said I didn't make any,  it got all really solemn and sad at the table.  Everyone looked uncomfortable - there was NO mashed rutabaga. Christmas was a bust - for everyone.  Dinner continued in silence.  It wasn't until after dinner that there was some return of the Holiday cheer... it didn't last long.  Everyone quickly left after opening presents - apparently unsatisfied because there was no mashed rutabaga.    

The year after that, I made the mashed rutabaga - and instead of throwing the untouched mush away after dinner - I froze it.  And pulled it out the next year and 're-served' it.   No one noticed.  No one ate it.   It was there in all it's glory making Christmas Christmas.     I did stick it back in the freezer after that dinner.   I should check to see if it's still knocking around my freezer or if I'll have to make a new batch to serve again this year....

But, that is why any upset to Tradition RUINS Christmas.   Some one no one knows is just going to make everyone uncomfortable.  No one will know what to talk about.  Someone will, of course, ask uncomfortable questions of the guest.  The host/hostest will have to worry about the food, the table settings, the gifts, the decorations, where the extra person will sit, sleep (if they are a house guest)...etc...   

You should absolutely keep re-serving the same mashed rutabaga.  After 3-5 years I'd include that little tidbit in everyone's christmas card.  

[mollyanna58]

Dec 6, 2016 11:59:23 GMT -5 Tiny said:

ooo ooo ooo! ::waving hand frantically in the air!:: I know why an unexpected guest at the holidays ruins it!!! It's because it messes with tradition!!! and if the holidays are 100% tied to traditions and kept to the same old same old  it's just not the holidays.

I know this because a few years ago I didn't make a bowl of mashed rutabaga - which NO ONE EVER EATS or even touches.    I 'ruined' Christmas... because suddenly everyone wanted to know where the bowl of rutabaga was. When I said I didn't make any,  it got all really solemn and sad at the table.  Everyone looked uncomfortable - there was NO mashed rutabaga. Christmas was a bust - for everyone.  Dinner continued in silence.  It wasn't until after dinner that there was some return of the Holiday cheer... it didn't last long.  Everyone quickly left after opening presents - apparently unsatisfied because there was no mashed rutabaga.    

The year after that, I made the mashed rutabaga - and instead of throwing the untouched mush away after dinner - I froze it.  And pulled it out the next year and 're-served' it.   No one noticed.  No one ate it.   It was there in all it's glory making Christmas Christmas.     I did stick it back in the freezer after that dinner.   I should check to see if it's still knocking around my freezer or if I'll have to make a new batch to serve again this year....

   

This made me laugh out loud - what a fabulous solution.

May I suggest some sort of design in the mash?  Maybe a Christmas tree design or tic-tac-toe board, that you add a little to each year?  You'd have to freeze the mush in the same serving container so as not to disturb the artwork, but, hey, it'll just be the traditional rutabaga serving bowl.

[wyouser]

How about lining up tickets for one of those "Missouri Boat Rides" featured in the movie?

[naughtybear]

Unfreeze it, put a little plastic toy or something in it and see if they notice.

[Lizard Queen]

Dec 6, 2016 13:12:23 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Dec 6, 2016 11:59:23 GMT -5 Tiny said:

ooo ooo ooo! ::waving hand frantically in the air!:: I know why an unexpected guest at the holidays ruins it!!! It's because it messes with tradition!!! and if the holidays are 100% tied to traditions and kept to the same old same old  it's just not the holidays.

I know this because a few years ago I didn't make a bowl of mashed rutabaga - which NO ONE EVER EATS or even touches.    I 'ruined' Christmas... because suddenly everyone wanted to know where the bowl of rutabaga was. When I said I didn't make any,  it got all really solemn and sad at the table.  Everyone looked uncomfortable - there was NO mashed rutabaga. Christmas was a bust - for everyone.  Dinner continued in silence.  It wasn't until after dinner that there was some return of the Holiday cheer... it didn't last long.  Everyone quickly left after opening presents - apparently unsatisfied because there was no mashed rutabaga.    

The year after that, I made the mashed rutabaga - and instead of throwing the untouched mush away after dinner - I froze it.  And pulled it out the next year and 're-served' it.   No one noticed.  No one ate it.   It was there in all it's glory making Christmas Christmas.     I did stick it back in the freezer after that dinner.   I should check to see if it's still knocking around my freezer or if I'll have to make a new batch to serve again this year....

   

This made me laugh out loud - what a fabulous solution.

May I suggest some sort of design in the mash?  Maybe a Christmas tree design or tic-tac-toe board, that you add a little to each year?  You'd have to freeze the mush in the same serving container so as not to disturb the artwork, but, hey, it'll just be the traditional rutabaga serving bowl.

How about writing the year it was made in mash?