naughtybear
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Post by naughtybear on Oct 24, 2016 10:02:40 GMT -5
What's the best way to approach getting a schedule. He is causing my daughter her stress with his bullshit. I now see why moms decide to cut them off.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Oct 24, 2016 10:03:35 GMT -5
What does the court order or separation agreement say?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Oct 24, 2016 10:06:19 GMT -5
Moms, most generally, can't "cut them off" nor should they be able to. In some extreme cases maybe. The best way to approach it, in my opinion, is to forget about old hurts and injustices, be the adults and think of the kids first. If that doesn't work, perhaps a judge can set the schedule. It's been my experience that the parents should at least attempt to work it out themselves and rarely is anybody happy if the court has to do it - including the court. Judges tend to get a bit annoyed that adults can't work through something like this.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2016 10:08:08 GMT -5
If the parents can't come to an agreement between them, they go to court and have a parenting plan written up. You can't just "cut them off" unless it's a case where the child is going to be harmed and parental rights are terminated by the court.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 24, 2016 10:09:31 GMT -5
Go to court if you haven't already and get a schedule in writing. And stick to it.
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naughtybear
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Post by naughtybear on Oct 24, 2016 10:11:17 GMT -5
They weren't married. Can you ask the court to set a visitation schedule?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 24, 2016 10:18:08 GMT -5
They weren't married. Can you ask the court to set a visitation schedule? I assume the courts would address custody in tandem with child support...Is your DD getting court ordered child support?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2016 10:22:46 GMT -5
They weren't married. Can you ask the court to set a visitation schedule? I assume the courts would address custody in tandem with child support...Is your DD getting court ordered child support? Actually, in our state they have to be handled completely separately and the judge handling parenting time knows nothing about whether or not a parent is way in arrears in support. The thought being that financial matters should not influence parenting time decisions, and the child support magistrate doesn't want to hear about how so and so isn't letting you see the child so you shouldn't have to pay...
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naughtybear
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Post by naughtybear on Oct 24, 2016 10:26:22 GMT -5
I have no idea about this never having to deal with it myself. I am not aware of what the courts can and cannot do. She has put off petitioning for child support through the system because she believed that he would then stop what he is voluntarily paying. Now she has more money coming in she is going to do that. He gives her 100.00 a week.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2016 10:28:33 GMT -5
What is he asking for in regards to parenting time? Is it reasonable? It's easier to just deal with it outside of the courts.
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naughtybear
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Post by naughtybear on Oct 24, 2016 10:34:24 GMT -5
He's not reasonable, he has a schedule (actually he gets his schedule for the whole yr at once) he works in a warehouse so it's kind of like 5 days on, 2 days, 6 days on etc. But none the less he does have a schedule. So he's calling today to pick her up, no he can't do that. He has a schedule and he needs to come up with the days he will have her. It's not rocket science. He's not doing that, he's waiting until the last minute disrupting plans that she has made in advance.
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naughtybear
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Post by naughtybear on Oct 24, 2016 10:36:31 GMT -5
He said he would have her friday and saturday well now he's going to a concert and helping someone move. She is moving this weekend too, has the uhaul and friends. She would have planned it another day had she known he would bail.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 24, 2016 10:37:55 GMT -5
If the parents can't come to an agreement between them, they go to court and have a parenting plan written up. You can't just "cut them off" unless it's a case where the child is going to be harmed and parental rights are terminated by the court.
And you had best come up with a schedule you can both live with because the court may come up with a schedule neither one likes.
Both parents have an equal right to see the child. If he opts to bail, that's his choice.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2016 10:40:33 GMT -5
I don't have any kind of schedule with first ex and it works fine, but we both work the same shift, so it's mainly swapping weekends. Sometimes he'll have him two or three in a row, sometimes I will depending on what we have going on and it works for us.
In your daughter's case I would insist on a written schedule. They don't have to do a year out, but a month or two at least. Requesting the day of is not reasonable and very disruptive.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Oct 24, 2016 10:52:04 GMT -5
My niece's ex gets their daughter Wednesdays and every other weekend and half the holidays. He is way behind in support and she is suing him as well as trying to stop his 13 bankruptcy writing to the courts and attorneys saying he is behind and asking interest on the arrears. He has vacationed in Hawaii and Europe while not supporting his disabled daughter. He still get visitation even while being a jerk doing things like having her picked up and making the person knock on the door and ask for her even when he knows they are in the driveway and hate him don't want to see him or speak to him. Girl is 17 he could just tell her to go to grandpa or mom. He will get visitation of his daughter even when she is over 18 because she is special needs and doesn't know it stops at 18 and she loves her daddy. We can all hate him but we won't tell her he is awful, he is her dad.
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naughtybear
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Post by naughtybear on Oct 24, 2016 10:57:44 GMT -5
I never said or insinuated she would cut him off I said I now know why it happens.
Both their schedules are abnormal at the moment. She has things covered even if the courts decide it's not going to impact her. It will him because he is a big baby.
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justme
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Post by justme on Oct 24, 2016 11:00:42 GMT -5
If both of them have a not set schedule they're going to have to learn to figure it out or the court will give them a set schedule they'll have to figure around.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 24, 2016 11:10:31 GMT -5
They weren't married. Can you ask the court to set a visitation schedule? Yes. They don't need to have been married to request a parenting plan in writing. They will address custody, visitation, and child support all in one document. Be sure that the state keeps track of the child support. I had an option to either have them track it or not. I didn't because I was sure he'd pay it. I was very wrong and it was a mess trying to get the back support paid to me. That was in 2004, so maybe there is no option anymore. But I would definitely ask about it.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 24, 2016 11:15:47 GMT -5
I have no idea about this never having to deal with it myself. I am not aware of what the courts can and cannot do. She has put off petitioning for child support through the system because she believed that he would then stop what he is voluntarily paying. Now she has more money coming in she is going to do that. He gives her 100.00 a week. Sounds like she made a trade off for more money rather than go thru the courts system to get visitation, etc in writing. Now that she has more money coming in she wants to change the game.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2016 12:48:33 GMT -5
If both of them have a not set schedule they're going to have to learn to figure it out or the court will give them a set schedule they'll have to figure around. Unless they come up with something on their own that the court just gives it's ok stamp to and makes it an order, it's probably going to end up being something neither one of them like. The judge is not going to take the time to go through a 5 day on, 2 off, 6 on schedule for the entire year and figure out when he gets visitation. It's going to be one of the standard rotations and if you happen to be working that day, too bad.
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naughtybear
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Post by naughtybear on Oct 24, 2016 13:20:57 GMT -5
They split up in Feb, a few on here say to try to work it out between them SHE TRIED nonameperson, so no she didn't take more money to go around the court system. She tried, it's not working. He is not being reasonable. He's the one that would be screwed with the court saying when, she has bebe in daycare,she won't be affected by that.
She would get more.
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naughtybear
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Post by naughtybear on Oct 24, 2016 13:24:12 GMT -5
It would actually be better for him to be reasonable because he has to be at work at 530, but he only wants her when its convenient, well parenting isnt convenient.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Oct 24, 2016 13:30:02 GMT -5
You keep mentioning that he isn't being reasonable but the fact is you're hearing one side of the story from your daughter so your opinion is skewed. Regardless maybe she gets more money through the courts but as others pointed out they're also likely to get a standard split agreement something like alternating weekends and dad gets the baby 1-2 nights each week. If they can't work something out they can be miserable dealing with each other or they can go through the courts so someone else can make the adult decision for them then they can be miserable because it won't favor either of them.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 24, 2016 13:30:29 GMT -5
Your daughter should probably spend some time considering what she'd like most to see in co-parenting arrangement.
1. If she's willing to do a rotating pattern so he can have her on his days off vs. 3 days this week; 4 days next week; vs. whatever she dreams up. 2. Does she want to have and receive what I think of as "first refusal rights" where if he's going to a concert or working OT or whatever, you DD gets first crack at the time or can he use a grandparent, SO, or other person as a babysitter. 3. Who gets what holidays? 4. Who gets the tax return? Not sure what else is missing here.
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naughtybear
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Post by naughtybear on Oct 24, 2016 13:33:23 GMT -5
He is being unreasonable, I've seen the texts, I have heard the phone calls. I have bebe more than he does.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 24, 2016 13:38:03 GMT -5
Your daughter should probably spend some time considering what she'd like most to see in co-parenting arrangement. 1. If she's willing to do a rotating pattern so he can have her on his days off vs. 3 days this week; 4 days next week; vs. whatever she dreams up. 2. Does she want to have and receive what I think of as "first refusal rights" where if he's going to a concert or working OT or whatever, you DD gets first crack at the time or can he use a grandparent, SO, or other person as a babysitter. 3. Who gets what holidays? 4. Who gets the tax return? Not sure what else is missing here. Also maybe put in there that if he is an hour or more late for pickup without a written agreement between the two, that he forfeits that visitation and has to wait for the next one.
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naughtybear
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Post by naughtybear on Oct 24, 2016 13:39:03 GMT -5
There is absolutely nothing that the court could say that could be unfavorable in the least too her
1. She pays for daycare. So take that into the equation she gets 50.00 a week. Not a huge money payoff like nonameperson says.
2. She is the primary caregiver so she expects to have bebe and do all the parenting stuff. He doesnt, he would probably flip.
3. He isn't shy about who hears him be a total asshole. He has been stunted in emotional growth and how to dealwith anger.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2016 13:49:09 GMT -5
There is absolutely nothing that the court could say that could be unfavorable in the least too her I guess this is confusing me a bit. If she's cool with any visitation schedule why are they having issues? I'm assuming it's just the lack of any kind of schedule at all? No court is going to say it's ok to call the day before (or day of) and say you want the child that day, so she's fine telling him to go to hell if he does that. How about they do every other "weekend" based on whenever his weekends are?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Oct 24, 2016 13:51:00 GMT -5
They weren't married. Can you ask the court to set a visitation schedule? Yes. My cousin and his ex-fiancé have a daughter. They have court-ordered visitation rights that state the days she is with each and the times of drop-off and pick-up.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Oct 24, 2016 13:56:16 GMT -5
He's not reasonable, he has a schedule (actually he gets his schedule for the whole yr at once) he works in a warehouse so it's kind of like 5 days on, 2 days, 6 days on etc. But none the less he does have a schedule. So he's calling today to pick her up, no he can't do that. He has a schedule and he needs to come up with the days he will have her. It's not rocket science. He's not doing that, he's waiting until the last minute disrupting plans that she has made in advance. I think your daughter can give a little, too. It very rarely happens but there have been a few times when the ex would call me because something popped up that he wanted to take the kids too. I have no problem with him wanting to do something with the kids. He is an ass and usually tries to get OUT of taking them so when he actually WANTS to do something with them I'm all for it.
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