I think my boss made fun of me

[Deleted]

Specifically, my clothes. I may delete this but wanted to get other opinions. We were at a casual employee event and he asked me, in front of other employees, where in the world did I find shoes to match my handbag. Here's the thing: they didn't match at all. I didn't think anything of it until later. I've heard him in the past be critical of how other people dressed. He himself is very dapper and the people who report to him are also sharply dressed. Am I overreacting? Sorry for the wall of text.

[Tiny]

Yeah, he was making fun of you. It may not have been intended in a Evil way - but it still was a poor attempt at 'general humor' if that was the route he was going. And it certainly made for an awkward moment. The real question is how did you handle this comment at the time it happened?

[Chocolate Lover]

He sounds like some guy that used to work here, very concerned about his clothes and appearance and HE never made a comment on anyone's clothes. That was entirely inappropriate to do to a subordinate.

I'd have been real lucky to keep the "well, I'll dress like you when you pay me enough to" comment in my head instead of letting it loose.

[gs11rmb]

Yes, he was making fun of you and it was very unkind.

Do you think you need to improve how you dress in order to 'make it' with this company or was it just a one off?

[flamingo]

I don't feel like I have enough info to comment on whether he was making fun of you, though it's possible. How did you respond? I probably would have said something like "DSW. Don't you love them? If you tell me your size, I can get you a pair too!" if I really thought my boss was making fun of me.

BUT, I have a good relationship with my boss and she probably would have laughed. 

[Deleted]

In the moment, I thought he was being serious so I said thank you, didn't feel awkward. It wasn't until later when I was at home and thought more about it that I realized he was probably being a little jerky.

[Deleted]

Sept 9, 2016 10:31:59 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Yes, he was making fun of you and it was very unkind.

Do you think you need to improve how you dress in order to 'make it' with this company or was it just a one off?

[br

I'll admit I need to improve my wardrobe. I've never been fashionable. I don't think that hurt me at this company, but it certainly wouldn't hurt to get better.

[giramomma]

Are you dressed appropriately? If you do, I'd be upset

I work in a very male dominated environment. Actually, it's like Mad Men, minus the pointy bras, booze, and typewriters.

All my bosses are men. I dress appropriately at work. Not once have any of them commented about my dress.

Also, I don't do "fashionable." For the past few years, that would mean exposing too much of my chest..which I don't find to be appropriate. I do more classic, capsule type wardrobe.

[busymom]

I worked for a woman years ago who was a real a$$ when it came to criticizing her subordinates on whatever they wore, or how they were styling their hair. She was very insecure. I was SO glad when I got a new job, & could turn in my notice, as I got tired of her slinging arrows ALL THE TIME.

[Deleted]

I dress appropriately but maybe dowdy, not chic. I wear a lot of black slacks and knit sweaters, blouses. I want to do better but not sure how to start. I'm self-conscious about my clothes and his comments now make me feel embarrassed and a little sad.

[HoneyBBQ]

Sept 9, 2016 10:52:38 GMT -5 @augustbaby said:

I dress appropriately but maybe dowdy, not chic. I wear a lot of black slacks and knit sweaters, blouses. I want to do better but not sure how to start. I'm self-conscious about my clothes and his comments now make me feel embarrassed and a little sad.

He sounds like a prick. Why would he know anything about women's fashion? Ignore him.

[giramomma]

Sept 9, 2016 10:53:48 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Sept 9, 2016 10:52:38 GMT -5 @augustbaby said:

I dress appropriately but maybe dowdy, not chic. I wear a lot of black slacks and knit sweaters, blouses. I want to do better but not sure how to start. I'm self-conscious about my clothes and his comments now make me feel embarrassed and a little sad.

He sounds like a prick. Why would he know anything about women's fashion? Ignore him.

I agree that he's a prick. But, if YOU want to update yourself, I'd look at accessories...

What about your hair/makeup?

[happyhoix]

Once, my boss said when I wore a particular coat I looked like a homeless woman.

I already knew he was an ass. And it was a pretty blah coat.

Meh.

[Deleted]

Sept 9, 2016 10:53:48 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Sept 9, 2016 10:52:38 GMT -5 @augustbaby said:

I dress appropriately but maybe dowdy, not chic. I wear a lot of black slacks and knit sweaters, blouses. I want to do better but not sure how to start. I'm self-conscious about my clothes and his comments now make me feel embarrassed and a little sad.

He sounds like a prick. Why would he know anything about women's fashion? Ignore him.

I think he's used to being surrounded by nicely dressed women. The ones he nicest to are absolutely dressed to kill or maybe I'm projecting.

[Deleted]

Sept 9, 2016 10:57:05 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Sept 9, 2016 10:53:48 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

He sounds like a prick. Why would he know anything about women's fashion? Ignore him.

I agree that he's a prick. But, if YOU want to update yourself, I'd look at accessories...

What about your hair/makeup?

Makeup I'm good with. My hair is another story, thick, curly, unruly, but I do style it everyday. By the end of the day it's usually in a ponytail.

[Chocolate Lover]

So, I'm no fashionista myself, but do people really still match their shoes to their purse? :/

[milee]

Not enough info to know if he was making fun of you.  What do the handbag and shoes look like?  For example, if the handbag was something fun with a bold print, maybe your shoes didn't exactly match but were a reasonable accent and went with your clothes, so that's no biggie and he was maybe even giving a weird, guy compliment on the fun handbag.  

But you probably shouldn't listen to my fashion advice because I don't think the shoes and handbag need to match.     As long as they aren't actively clashing with one another, I think it's fine to have them be their own standalone or accent piece.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 9, 2016 10:58:33 GMT -5 @augustbaby said:

Sept 9, 2016 10:53:48 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

He sounds like a prick. Why would he know anything about women's fashion? Ignore him.

I think he's used to being surrounded by nicely dressed women. The ones he nicest to are absolutely dressed to kill or maybe I'm projecting.

He's wanting the women who work for him to be eye candy.  Does he get on any men in the office for not "dressing nice"?  

If it's just the women and you in particular then he's been an asshole.

If you are meeting the company dress code then ignore him.

If YOU want to change your style that's cool but don't do it  because you feel pressured to by your boss.   Ask a friend/family member you REALLY trust to give you their honest opinion about your attire.   Take THEIR advice, digest it and decide what you will take and what you can leave.

I like this blog myself.

insideoutstyleblog.com/

[milee]

Sept 9, 2016 11:08:34 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

So, I'm no fashionista myself, but do people really still match their shoes to their purse? :/

Looks like we were typing at the same time, but I wondered that, too.  Yeah, they shouldn't clash, but I thought it was kind of old fashioned to "match" shoes and handbag.

[Miss Tequila]

Sept 9, 2016 11:08:34 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

So, I'm no fashionista myself, but do people really still match their shoes to their purse? :/

I don't. I have a day-to-day purse that I carry everyday...and if some ass wanted to comment because it didn't match my shoes, well I wouldn't lose sleep over it.  But I also don't work in an industry where stuff like that matters.  I work for a manufacturer and I'm pretty sure that no one here would notice whether or not I'm fashionable or not.  And if they did and said something about it, I would just laugh it off because that kidn of stuff just doesn't matter to me. 

[whoisjohngalt]

Sept 9, 2016 11:08:34 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

So, I'm no fashionista myself, but do people really still match their shoes to their purse? :/

There was a woman at my son's gym class who was wearing a very nice dress.  The colors on her dress matched her bag, shoes AND nail polish on her nails and toenails.

I was *this* close to asking her if she changed all that daily.

[Miss Tequila]

Sept 9, 2016 11:12:54 GMT -5 milee said:

Sept 9, 2016 11:08:34 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

So, I'm no fashionista myself, but do people really still match their shoes to their purse? :/

Looks like we were typing at the same time, but I wondered that, too.  Yeah, they shouldn't clash, but I thought it was kind of old fashioned to "match" shoes and handbag.

Exactly...I mean, I wouldn't want to completely clash but I don't carry a loud, funky purse (just not my personality) so that wouldn't happen.

Being passive aggressive I would have probably said "only grandmas match their shoes to their pocketbook!" and laughed it off. But I also don't care so I'm probably not the best one to follow, either

[Miss Tequila]

Sept 9, 2016 11:14:52 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Sept 9, 2016 11:08:34 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

So, I'm no fashionista myself, but do people really still match their shoes to their purse? :/

There was a woman at my son's gym class who was wearing a very nice dress.  The colors on her dress matched her bag, shoes AND nail polish on her nails and toenails.

I was *this* close to asking her if she changed all that daily.

Good lord...who has time for that? When I get my toes done I pick a color that I like. It probably won't match everything I'm wearing over the next 3 weeks (pedicures last a long time on me) and I don't really care! I just like pretty toes

I have so much crap in my purse so I can't imagine switching purses daily...or even weekly...hell, even monthly!lol

[giramomma]

My purse and shoes match..But, that's because I go with black for both.

[Tiny]

Sept 9, 2016 10:58:33 GMT -5 @augustbaby said:

Sept 9, 2016 10:53:48 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

He sounds like a prick. Why would he know anything about women's fashion? Ignore him.

I think he's used to being surrounded by nicely dressed women. The ones he nicest to are absolutely dressed to kill or maybe I'm projecting.

He'd know about women's fashion because it's fraking EVERYWHERE.  I'm pretty sure most men know that there's a coordination connection between accessories and purses and shoes are accessories.    And I strongly suspect that most men who have spent time in the vicinity of any woman (their mother?) getting ready for some big event know that what they are wearing 'goes together' in some way. 

ADDED:  by go together I don't necessarily mean a blue handbag with blue shoes.  Maybe the 'didn't go together' was more obvious.  as in something that wouldn't go together might be a backpack and dressy shoes.  Or wearing a dress with a dressy handbag and non-sparkly Tom's shoes (or other comfortable walking shoes or gymshoes).    

Again, I wonder how the rest of the interactions went for the OP went before and after the comment...  it may have just been an alcohol fueled bad moment.   That doesn't mean the guy wasn't/isn't a jerk he just might not be a capital letter Jerk.

This just brings to mind the Legally Blonde exchange:

[Chocolate Lover]

Sept 9, 2016 11:14:52 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Sept 9, 2016 11:08:34 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

So, I'm no fashionista myself, but do people really still match their shoes to their purse? :/

There was a woman at my son's gym class who was wearing a very nice dress.  The colors on her dress matched her bag, shoes AND nail polish on her nails and toenails.

I was *this* close to asking her if she changed all that daily.

 Seriously, who has time and interest in that crap?!  I really wish you'd asked.

My sister gave me a purple purse for my birthday so I've carried it around for a few months. I'm positive there was some point it clashed with my clothes (not many since I love that color family anyway, but a couple of shirts wouldn't go) and it NEVER matched my shoes. No one has ever cared. Or if they did they kept it to themselves like they should. 

[Tiny]

Sept 9, 2016 11:29:52 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Sept 9, 2016 11:14:52 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

There was a woman at my son's gym class who was wearing a very nice dress.  The colors on her dress matched her bag, shoes AND nail polish on her nails and toenails.

I was *this* close to asking her if she changed all that daily.

 Seriously, who has time and interest in that crap?!  I really wish you'd asked.

My sister gave me a purple purse for my birthday so I've carried it around for a few months. I'm positive there was some point it clashed with my clothes (not many since I love that color family anyway, but a couple of shirts wouldn't go) and it NEVER matched my shoes. No one has ever cared. Or if they did they kept it to themselves like they should. 

I have a friend that is that coordinated.  She plans her weekly wardrobe ahead of time and coordinates her nail polish for the week  (fingers and toes) accordingly.  She may repaint her nails midweek in another color - to match her next set of outfits. This is why big walk in closets with fancy smacy storage solutions are so important in modern houses.  You need to be able to store your 100s of pieces of clothing and dozens of purses/shoes/accessories.

I had a female boss who NEVER wore the same outfit to the office.  She had a different outfit with appropriate accessories every day.   She had dozens of purses and pairs of shoes.

[Deleted]

It was a picnic so I wore a khaki skirt with our company t-shirt, Nike shoes. My purse was one of those small ones you wear across your chest to be hands free. It was a pretty loud print though but we were outside in the heat at a picnic.

I've tried going shopping with my sisters but what they like to see me in I don't like, so everyone gets frustrated.

@nomoredramaq1015 Thanks for the blog recommendation. I'll check it out.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

If my purse coordinates with my outfit. .. let alone matches. .. I got lucky.  I never intentionally set out to match/coordinate my purse with the rest of my attire.  It's too much work to move all the crap I have to carry around with me just so I can say it coordinates with the rest of me.   It's $25 to replace my badge, it ain't moving unless it absolutely has to!
 
My purse depends on what mood I am in and what my needs are at the time.   My purses reflect my personality not my outfits.   RIght now I am wearing purple and black but my purse is red/white/blue strips with brown fringe.

I bought it because I like it.  It has fringe, stripes and lace all of which I am currently obessesed with but have no desire to have any of them monopolize the rest of my wardrobe.  Purses are a great inexpensive way for me to have fun and indulge in trends without having to worry about storing clothes or getting rid of them once they are too dated.

[Chocolate Lover]

That is certainly an eye catcher of a purse DQ! I can't even envision it, my brain doesn't want to put it all together.

I just recently stopped the purple purse because it's heavy. It's a Dooney & Burke and those things weigh a ton empty. It weighs as much empty as the boring purse I switched back to does full of my crap. But it's pretty and purple and I'm sure I'll go back soon. Ish.