NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,108
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 9, 2016 11:51:17 GMT -5
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Sept 9, 2016 11:52:29 GMT -5
<<Snort!>> I can't go there right now, seems it's a web filter violation.
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Sept 9, 2016 11:54:52 GMT -5
It was a picnic so I wore a khaki skirt with our company t-shirt, Nike shoes. My purse was one of those small ones you wear across your chest to be hands free. It was a pretty loud print though but we were outside in the heat at a picnic. I've tried going shopping with my sisters but what they like to see me in I don't like, so everyone gets frustrated. @nomoredramaq1015 Thanks for the blog recommendation. I'll check it out. Yeah he was definitely insulting you.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Sept 9, 2016 11:57:04 GMT -5
It was a picnic so I wore a khaki skirt with our company t-shirt, Nike shoes. My purse was one of those small ones you wear across your chest to be hands free. It was a pretty loud print though but we were outside in the heat at a picnic. I Without knowing him or seeing how it went down, I think it's very possible he was just making a (bad) joke. Sneakers are completely appropriate for a hot, outside picnic but they're not something anyone sees often at the office, so he was making a lame attempt at humor... because nobody sane matches their handbag to sneakers. Really.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Sept 9, 2016 11:59:02 GMT -5
I found it! That's much better than I was thinking. I thought the fringe would be everywhere. I don't do that much fringe.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,108
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 9, 2016 12:00:10 GMT -5
I love fringe but being petite it's not something I can wear a lot of. Since I don't carry my purse with me all day I can rock as much as I want. Plus I get distracted and play with it all day long when I should be working. It's like wearing a stress ball.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 9, 2016 12:08:31 GMT -5
Here's my daily purse: It's a loud-print crossbody too. It only really matches a pair of sandals I own, but it coordinates with a lot of clothes I wear. Believe it or not, I've gotten a ton of random compliments on it.
|
|
Happy prose
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 12:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 3,230
|
Post by Happy prose on Sept 9, 2016 13:07:48 GMT -5
Very unprofessional of him. Your boss is a douche. Ignore him and collect your pay check.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Sept 9, 2016 13:12:33 GMT -5
Here's my daily purse: It's a loud-print crossbody too. It only really matches a pair of sandals I own, but it coordinates with a lot of clothes I wear. Believe it or not, I've gotten a ton of random compliments on it. That kind of matches my glasses. They're Vera Wang, and the arms have a flowery pattern on them. They were the only ones I could stand in the whole place last time I got glasses.
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Sept 9, 2016 13:21:46 GMT -5
So my questions - what are your workplace style norms, what is your style, how far apart are the two, and is this impacting the way you are perceived? And, most importantly, how much do you care?
I generally think of what I wear to work - makeup, clothes, purse - as a costume. I put on this costume to play this role (manager at company x.) If I were to go to a different company, I might wear a different costume to play that role. But this is the role I have now, and to succeed at it, I have to wear my current costume. If I didn't care about being promoted, was happy where I was, etc., I would care less about keeping up my costume.
It sounds like your company style norms are more formal than your personal style norms. If you generally describe yourself as dressing "dowdy" that's going to be true most places. So, does this effect how you are perceived? Probably if your boss is being shitty about it. Is it just your boss or the company as a whole that is more formal? Because if it's just your boss the impact is more contained.
So - how much do you care? Enough to change your work style to fit the accepted costume? Enough to find a job where you don't work for someone who cares about that stuff? Or not enough to do those things?
There aren't right answers here, just providing what I hope is food for thought. Good luck!
|
|
lexxy703
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 26, 2011 13:52:17 GMT -5
Posts: 13,771
|
Post by lexxy703 on Sept 9, 2016 13:25:23 GMT -5
My purse & my shoes match! Brown leather sandals & purse. It wasn't on purpose to match. I'm just boring & like brown leather.
|
|
dannylion
Junior Associate
Gravity is a harsh mistress
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 12:17:52 GMT -5
Posts: 5,213
Location: Miles over the madness horizon and accelerating
|
Post by dannylion on Sept 9, 2016 13:30:05 GMT -5
Very unprofessional of him. Your boss is a douche. Ignore him and collect your pay check.
What a jerk. Who cares if your bag matches your shoes? It's not an indicator of character or competence or worth of any kind.
Actually, your response was perfect. It was polite and respectful and made it clear that his insult had missed its mark. The only way to make you see that he meant it as an insult would have been to explain to you that it was intended as an insult, which even he could probably see would have made him look like even more of a jackass. Well done!
Sometimes my bag matches my shoes, usually it does not. I have lots of purple bags, not very many pairs of purple shoes. People are free to make whatever they want of that and to offer whatever snarky comments they deem appropriate. I am also free to respond in a way I deem appropriate. I am an old retired person with a mean streak and an extensive vocabulary. Go ahead; make my day. But that's not always possible when the douchecanoe is one's boss.
In a situation where the target is unable to respond to the jerk without incurring undesirable consequences, a smile and "Thank you" uttered with whatever inflection seems appropriate at the time is likely always the best response.
|
|
snapdragon
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:56:55 GMT -5
Posts: 2,974
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"e1f6f8"}
Mini-Profile Name Color: cd78d4
|
Post by snapdragon on Sept 9, 2016 13:40:51 GMT -5
@augustbaby - If you want to change some of your clothing and can't trust family or friends than I suggest that you get a personal shopper at Nordstrom's or Macy's. If you are up front and let them know you are looking to go more classic or whatever with your work look and can take suggestions they are a really helpful.
Also you can tell them the dollar amount that you are willing to spend and that helps also.
|
|
lexxy703
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 26, 2011 13:52:17 GMT -5
Posts: 13,771
|
Post by lexxy703 on Sept 9, 2016 13:41:23 GMT -5
This made me think of Fried Green Tomatoes when she said she was older & better insured.
|
|
WholeLottaNothin
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 15:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 1,721
|
Post by WholeLottaNothin on Sept 9, 2016 13:41:33 GMT -5
It was an unkind remark, and you are right to take it that way.
That being said, if you are interested in changing up your wardrobe/style, are there any women at work whose style you admire? Anyone that has a a similar body type that you could look to as inspiration, so to speak, when you next go shopping? You yourself described it as "dowdy". Even a few new accessories, or a couple shirts could be a start. I'm not saying there was anything wrong with the way you were dressed, especially given the circumstances. However, if you would like to move up at some point, it may be something to consider.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,108
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 9, 2016 13:51:13 GMT -5
It'd be a good idea to get a solid definition of what it is about your appearance you think is "dowdy". "Dowdy" means something different to everyone. When I think of dowdy I think of the dreaded mom jeans. .. and cat sweaters. Just because your boss feels the other women in the office "look nice" it doesn't mean that whatever they are wearing will do the same for you or that you would be comfortable wearing it. His tastes are not your tastes. Unless you are working in the fashion industry as long as you don't look like a doofus and are conforming to the dress code what he thinks "looks nice" on women doesn't matter. Is it a casual office, business causal, suits? It's really hard to tell without pictures if your wardrobe may be holding you behind at work. Has anyone else but your boss said anything? What do the people above him wear? What does he wear?
|
|
NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,888
|
Post by NastyWoman on Sept 9, 2016 13:52:58 GMT -5
In the moment, I thought he was being serious so I said thank you, didn't feel awkward. It wasn't until later when I was at home and thought more about it that I realized he was probably being a little jerky. Good thing you didn't realize what he was doing or you might not have been able to carry this off, but I think you gave the perfect answer! Now is home and he can wonder what you meant exactly. Never let jerks see you blink
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
|
Post by swamp on Sept 9, 2016 13:59:41 GMT -5
I have a bright blue Dooney & Burke purse, a dark red briefcase, and my shoes can range from black to hot pink to leopard print, to lime green. Fuck you if you don't like them together.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,108
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 9, 2016 14:01:29 GMT -5
I don't recall leopard print or hot pink being an approved color for shoes when PBP posted the picture of how to dress professionally as a woman. I have hot pink sequin zebra stripe pumps. .. that I wear to work.
|
|
bean29
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
Posts: 10,213
|
Post by bean29 on Sept 9, 2016 14:05:18 GMT -5
I dress pretty well, and if someone said something like that to me, I would chalk it up to:
1) someone in their life is obsessive compulsive about this shit and they were just venting
or)
2) they were trying to be funny in a sarcastic way.
as I said I dress well, but My shoes and purse usually don't match. I don't care what a co-worker thinks. If I change it will most likely be my DD's influence or less likely my DH's.
I have a Michael Kors purse that I mostly carry around now. If someone wants to make an issue of my shoes not matching, I can't summon up the energy to care. I also have a smaller Michael Kors cross body, and a Coach mid size bag and several others. I find it takes some energy to move everything back and forth, so I only do it if I want a smaller purse/bigger purse for some occasion. After all, I didn't buy them at a warehouse store, no need for me to be embarrassed about carring them around. And hey, my MIL has influenced me greatly on this stuff, at a picnic you don't take your best stuff. You might set it down and someone else might walk off with it.
LOL on the shoes. We took a large extended family picture and I was obsessing about my shoes matching my outfit. DD told me in her opinion my shoes should contrast not match. My niece who is a few years older said she agreed with DD, so I would think it could depend on the generation.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 9, 2016 14:06:27 GMT -5
It'd be a good idea to get a solid definition of what it is about your appearance you think is "dowdy". "Dowdy" means something different to everyone. When I think of dowdy I think of the dreaded mom jeans. .. and cat sweaters. Just because your boss feels the other women in the office "look nice" it doesn't mean that whatever they are wearing will do the same for you or that you would be comfortable wearing it. His tastes are not your tastes. Unless you are working in the fashion industry as long as you don't look like a doofus and are conforming to the dress code what he thinks "looks nice" on women doesn't matter. Is it a casual office, business causal, suits? It's really hard to tell without pictures if your wardrobe may be holding you behind at work. Has anyone else but your boss said anything? What do the people above him wear? What does he wear? Hey...that's my outfit today!
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 9, 2016 14:08:57 GMT -5
I dress pretty well, and if someone said something like that to me, I would chalk it up to:
1) someone in their life is obsessive compulsive about this shit and they were just venting
or)
2) they were trying to be funny in a sarcastic way.
as I said I dress well, but My shoes and purse usually don't match. I don't care what a co-worker thinks. If I change it will most likely be my DD's influence or less likely my DH's.
I have a Michael Kors purse that I mostly carry around now. If someone wants to make an issue of my shoes not matching, I can't summon up the energy to care. I also have a smaller Michael Kors cross body, and a Coach mid size bag and several others. I find it takes some energy to move everything back and forth, so I only do it if I want a smaller purse/bigger purse for some occasion. After all, I didn't buy them at a warehouse store, no need for me to be embarrassed about carring them around. And hey, my MIL has influenced me greatly on this stuff, at a picnic you don't take your best stuff. You might set it down and someone else might walk off with it.
LOL on the shoes. We took a large extended family picture and I was obsessing about my shoes matching my outfit. DD told me in her opinion my shoes should contrast not match. My niece who is a few years older said she agreed with DD, so I would think it could depend on the generation. MK is my daily purse, too. Not because I care about brands but because it was a gift so I use it.
I think your DD and niece are right. They should "go" but not match. But I honestly can't say I give my purse much thought when I go to work. But I also don't have a colorful purse so I don't need to worry about it absolutely clashing.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,108
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 9, 2016 14:09:26 GMT -5
The consenus in the fashion world is shoes don't need to match your outfit. Coordinate your shoes or contrast them with your outfit/accessories. The days of your belt, shoes and purse having to match are LONG gone.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,108
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 9, 2016 14:10:01 GMT -5
It'd be a good idea to get a solid definition of what it is about your appearance you think is "dowdy". "Dowdy" means something different to everyone. When I think of dowdy I think of the dreaded mom jeans. .. and cat sweaters. Just because your boss feels the other women in the office "look nice" it doesn't mean that whatever they are wearing will do the same for you or that you would be comfortable wearing it. His tastes are not your tastes. Unless you are working in the fashion industry as long as you don't look like a doofus and are conforming to the dress code what he thinks "looks nice" on women doesn't matter. Is it a casual office, business causal, suits? It's really hard to tell without pictures if your wardrobe may be holding you behind at work. Has anyone else but your boss said anything? What do the people above him wear? What does he wear? Hey...that's my outfit today! Oh but it looks great on you!
|
|
bean29
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
Posts: 10,213
|
Post by bean29 on Sept 9, 2016 14:14:33 GMT -5
LOL I almost bought another purse when I looked at your link. I like that Women's Ashley Bucket sachel in Denim with the brown fringe. I decided I didn't feel like mail ordering it or sluffing off to the mall as I was just there on my lunch.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 9, 2016 14:30:24 GMT -5
The consenus in the fashion world is shoes don't need to match your outfit. Coordinate your shoes or contrast them with your outfit/accessories. The days of your belt, shoes and purse having to match are LONG gone. Absolutely...I did make sure that my belt brings out the color of the cat on my sweater
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
|
Post by swamp on Sept 9, 2016 14:50:39 GMT -5
Stacy and Clinton said that matching shoes and purse are for old ladies.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
|
Post by swamp on Sept 9, 2016 14:51:59 GMT -5
I don't recall leopard print or hot pink being an approved color for shoes when PBP posted the picture of how to dress professionally as a woman. And PBP bloviates about the benefits of not working for the man, so he can kiss my ass too.
|
|
dannylion
Junior Associate
Gravity is a harsh mistress
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 12:17:52 GMT -5
Posts: 5,213
Location: Miles over the madness horizon and accelerating
|
Post by dannylion on Sept 9, 2016 14:52:31 GMT -5
I have a bright blue Dooney & Burke purse, a dark red briefcase, and my shoes can range from black to hot pink to leopard print, to lime green. Fuck you if you don't like them together. I generally go with "bite me," but this works, too.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Sept 28, 2016 11:39:10 GMT -5
The only time I match my shoes to my purse is when I go out dressed up. Daily I don't. I wouldn't at work either.
|
|