tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Aug 6, 2016 17:37:11 GMT -5
Reading in another forum. People constantly talking about others playing them. I don't understand what does it mean. And no one answering exactly what does it mean. How does one play another? People meet, thinking they liking each other. Then one changing his/her mind but afraid to say it. Or not 100% sure it is the person he/she though it was... Or it is anything else?
Seems younger generation like...dating challenged...but it like all over the place. Everyone gets played. Heard of it? Caré to share?
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Aug 6, 2016 17:53:18 GMT -5
I'm fairly naive but this sounds like people wanting 'one night stands' with a variety of people.
How do you say to someone you just met 'I love you, lets have a roll in the hay'. Next day they are strangers.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 6, 2016 18:01:15 GMT -5
From the Urban Dictionary: Player A male who is skilled at manipulating ("playing") others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. Possibly derived from the phrases "play him for a fool", or "play him like a violin". The term was popularized by hip-hop culture, but was commonly recognized among urban American blacks by the 1970s. A certain class of low-rent, slack-jawed fuckups has decided that backstabbing and misogyny are totally radical, so the word is sometimes used as a compliment or term of endearment between male friends, as in the greeting "what's up, player?". Gina thought she had found the love of her life when she met Sean, but after she found out he had slept with three of her best friends, she realized that he was nothing but a player.Urban Dictionary: Player
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Aug 6, 2016 18:02:45 GMT -5
Or sometimes a "user," someone who uses others for their own, not mutual, benefit. From urbandictionary.com: A male who is skilled at manipulating ("playing") others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=player
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Aug 6, 2016 18:03:26 GMT -5
Lol tennesseer, you beat me to it.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 6, 2016 18:08:03 GMT -5
Lol tennesseer, you beat me to it. That's okay. Just shows you and me know where to go for the 'street' definition. .
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 6, 2016 18:39:33 GMT -5
Or sometimes a "user," someone who uses others for their own, not mutual, benefit. From urbandictionary.com: A male female who is skilled at manipulating ("playing") others, and especially at seducing women men by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=playerFixed - Ok I had to play the devil's advocate on this one!! Equal rights and all that jazz.
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Aug 6, 2016 19:26:33 GMT -5
When someone gets 'played', it's like they got tricked- led to believe that it was something it was not. If you told me melons in your town were $.50, and I drove there to buy them/save some money, but when I get there, melons are really $1.25, I got played by Looney.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Aug 6, 2016 20:27:15 GMT -5
I'm fairly naive but this sounds like people wanting 'one night stands' with a variety of people. How do you say to someone you just met 'I love you, lets have a roll in the hay'. Next day they are strangers. Got to be pretty dumb to believe in 'I love you, lets have a roll in the hay'. If she buys that - she is playing dumb and hoping he will be back knowing chances are close to none. In this example he is playing her, she is playing victim. So it is 50/50 game.
It is sound pretty funny if woman said 'I love you, lets have a roll in the hay' and man gets hurt feelings if she rejects him next day. Isnt it?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Aug 6, 2016 20:42:47 GMT -5
From the Urban Dictionary: Player A male who is skilled at manipulating ("playing") others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. Possibly derived from the phrases "play him for a fool", or "play him like a violin". The term was popularized by hip-hop culture, but was commonly recognized among urban American blacks by the 1970s. A certain class of low-rent, slack-jawed fuckups has decided that backstabbing and misogyny are totally radical, so the word is sometimes used as a compliment or term of endearment between male friends, as in the greeting "what's up, player?". Gina thought she had found the love of her life when she met Sean, but after she found out he had slept with three of her best friends, she realized that he was nothing but a player.Urban Dictionary: PlayerI really appreciate your post but this is what I wasn't talking about. These young (20-40) people are taking every relationship if it fell or ended - being played. Seems like they had never heard of 'liked you but then not' (not nesseserily sex involved). If person texted then stopped - 'Ive been played'. If person can't meet - 'I had been played'. It seems like they all living in casino! They can't take rejection as 'ok, he/she is not into me'. Not anyone's fault. It is life! Relashionships are complex! It isn't a playing. Do they really think that you meet a person and they owe you themselves just because they had a date with you? Common! Right?
One stupidiest thing I had read was 'he is married and we are together for 2 month and he is not divorced yet...is he playing me?' Really?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Aug 6, 2016 20:50:29 GMT -5
When someone gets 'played', it's like they got tricked- led to believe that it was something it was not. If you told me melons in your town were $.50, and I drove there to buy them/save some money, but when I get there, melons are really $1.25, I got played by Looney. Actually I am hearing for the first time that someone have feelings for the watermelons like that... Feelings is the word in a subject line. If you missed that hon
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 8, 2016 9:57:36 GMT -5
The way you're using the term...you can basically replace "lying to" for "playing". "is he playing me" essentially means "is he lying to me"...in the situation you're using it, it's whether they are lying about their feelings for someone.
I understand you're seeing it in situations where the answer is probably not "lying", but more likely "changed their mind and are simply not into you anymore".
playing=lying in your instances. And I agree with you that people use it too often as a means for generating anger when the reality is that some relationships simply don't work out.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Aug 8, 2016 11:09:23 GMT -5
The way you're using the term...you can basically replace "lying to" for "playing". "is he playing me" essentially means "is he lying to me"...in the situation you're using it, it's whether they are lying about their feelings for someone.
I understand you're seeing it in situations where the answer is probably not "lying", but more likely "changed their mind and are simply not into you anymore".
playing=lying in your instances. And I agree with you that people use it too often as a means for generating anger when the reality is that some relationships simply don't work out. The funny thing is none of these people who being played can't give 1 example of being played. But the word is still flying.
And you know, how many of us at some point were in love for whole 2 days to change it 180 degree one day. I didn't want to play anyone. 'Love' evaporized. But I wasn't playing. I WAS in love when I said I was but it went somewhere. So if I continue to see that person that would be playing I guess. No, it doesn't fly. Does it? Naah...playing is something else.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 8, 2016 11:16:52 GMT -5
The way you're using the term...you can basically replace "lying to" for "playing". "is he playing me" essentially means "is he lying to me"...in the situation you're using it, it's whether they are lying about their feelings for someone.
I understand you're seeing it in situations where the answer is probably not "lying", but more likely "changed their mind and are simply not into you anymore".
playing=lying in your instances. And I agree with you that people use it too often as a means for generating anger when the reality is that some relationships simply don't work out. The funny thing is none of these people who being played can't give 1 example of being played. But the word is still flying.
And you know, how many of us at some point were in love for whole 2 days to change it 180 degree one day. I didn't want to play anyone. 'Love' evaporized. But I wasn't playing. I WAS in love when I said I was but it went somewhere. So if I continue to see that person that would be playing I guess. No, it doesn't fly. Does it? Naah...playing is something else.
So I think this is a good example actually, nobody is "in love" for 2 days then change 180 degrees. People who say that aren't being honest about being in love, or just don't understand the difference between love and other feelings. That's actually a great example of someone who's playing others, though perhaps unintentionally.
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 8, 2016 12:37:43 GMT -5
Basically someone whose intentions are different from what they state.
Like there's guys on dating sites that are like no hookups, but then are trying to talk you into coming to their place the minute huge meet you.
Or guys that talk a big game about relationship and feelings, but are dating other chicks.
It's basically someone who talks one way and acts or feels another.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 8, 2016 17:08:43 GMT -5
The way you're using the term...you can basically replace "lying to" for "playing". "is he playing me" essentially means "is he lying to me"...in the situation you're using it, it's whether they are lying about their feelings for someone.
I understand you're seeing it in situations where the answer is probably not "lying", but more likely "changed their mind and are simply not into you anymore".
playing=lying in your instances. And I agree with you that people use it too often as a means for generating anger when the reality is that some relationships simply don't work out. The funny thing is none of these people who being played can't give 1 example of being played. But the word is still flying.
And you know, how many of us at some point were in love LUST for whole 2 days to change it 180 degree one day. I didn't want to play anyone. 'Love' evaporized. But I wasn't playing. I WAS in love LUST when I said I was but it went somewhere. So if I continue to see that person that would be playing I guess. No, it doesn't fly. Does it? Naah...playing is something else.
Fixed
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moon/Laura
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Post by moon/Laura on Aug 8, 2016 17:52:26 GMT -5
Basically someone whose intentions are different from what they state. Like there's guys on dating sites that are like no hookups, but then are trying to talk you into coming to their place the minute huge meet you. Or guys that talk a big game about relationship and feelings, but are dating other chicks. It's basically someone who talks one way and acts or feels another. This. They give just enough to make you think they're interested, but behind your back they've got 2 or 3 others they're doing the same thing to. It's a game to them to see how much they can get from how many different people. Hence, the term player.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Aug 8, 2016 21:48:24 GMT -5
Basically someone whose intentions are different from what they state. Like there's guys on dating sites that are like no hookups, but then are trying to talk you into coming to their place the minute huge meet you. Or guys that talk a big game about relationship and feelings, but are dating other chicks. It's basically someone who talks one way and acts or feels another. This. They give just enough to make you think they're interested, but behind your back they've got 2 or 3 others they're doing the same thing to. It's a game to them to see how much they can get from how many different people. Hence, the term player. I just remembered people who are dating you for years but never wants to get married because they want to have someone easy to have sex with because you are really there but they think you are not good enough and they are looking maybe for someone 'better' will come along. So they are comfortable with you but commitment is not happening because it is not love - it is just 'I have someone every night to come to and its good but I feel like I deserve someone prettier, smarter, sexier...' That's sucks. Maybe this is what playing means...Sad
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Aug 8, 2016 21:54:33 GMT -5
Basically someone whose intentions are different from what they state. Like there's guys on dating sites that are like no hookups, but then are trying to talk you into coming to their place the minute huge meet you. Or guys that talk a big game about relationship and feelings, but are dating other chicks. It's basically someone who talks one way and acts or feels another. I think guys who want you to come over right away are the guys who are looking for stupid horny women who would do that. I don't think they are playing you . They are just open and honest. Hey! We are on a dating site. You want sex? Me too! Lets hook up! I don't think you can call it 'I had been played' because you going on that site making yourself available to think about you like that. OR if you are not - you talk to the person for days, asking questions, looking for info, researching and maybe THEN meet at Starbucks.
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 8, 2016 22:06:10 GMT -5
Basically someone whose intentions are different from what they state. Like there's guys on dating sites that are like no hookups, but then are trying to talk you into coming to their place the minute huge meet you. Or guys that talk a big game about relationship and feelings, but are dating other chicks. It's basically someone who talks one way and acts or feels another. I think guys who want you to come over right away are the guys who are looking for stupid horny women who would do that. I don't think they are playing you . They are just open and honest. Hey! We are on a dating site. You want sex? Me too! Lets hook up! I don't think you can call it 'I had been played' because you going on that site making yourself available to think about you like that. OR if you are not - you talk to the person for days, asking questions, looking for info, researching and maybe THEN meet at Starbucks.
Yup done that. They put in the time chatting with you. A fair bit of time. Then you meet up at like a Starbucks and they start in. Or you get one nice meeting in and then try to get you to their place on the second. My point is they're not open and honest. They say no hookups (meaning they don't want sex) and say so, but once you meet them that's all they want. You haven't been in the dating scene in this century, I'm not sure why you're so confident that you know exactly how it always happens. Just the other day a messaged me on a site where I had no hookups on my profile and then like the next was asking me what I was down for. I asked him what he meant by that and be skirted the question twice and then asked if I had any questions. I said yeah what did you mean by down for? He went silent. Obviously he meant sex and not whether I wanted to get coffee or mini golf. And then he had the gall to yell at me several days later about why I liked him if I didn't want to talk. If you're so sure you know how it is, why were you asking the question?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 8, 2016 22:53:00 GMT -5
Players have no feelings. They're narcissistic.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 8, 2016 22:55:20 GMT -5
This. They give just enough to make you think they're interested, but behind your back they've got 2 or 3 others they're doing the same thing to. It's a game to them to see how much they can get from how many different people. Hence, the term player. I just remembered people who are dating you for years but never wants to get married because they want to have someone easy to have sex with because you are really there but they think you are not good enough and they are looking maybe for someone 'better' will come along. So they are comfortable with you but commitment is not happening because it is not love - it is just 'I have someone every night to come to and its good but I feel like I deserve someone prettier, smarter, sexier...' That's sucks. Maybe this is what playing means...Sad If you're dumb enough to be with someone for years with no commitment, you deserve to get played.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 8, 2016 22:56:23 GMT -5
Hey, even Princess Beatrice got played!! Ten years!! She's as dumb as her parents.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Aug 9, 2016 8:47:42 GMT -5
"Players only love you when they're playin' ..." Stevie Nicks & Fleetwood Mac
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 10:04:52 GMT -5
If you really want to get in the mind of a player go to Netflix and watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia "The DENNIS system" episode. Season 5, episode 10.
Demonstrate value Engage physically Nurture dependence Neglect emotionally Inspire hope Separate entirely
And yes, some guys really go that far.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Aug 9, 2016 10:12:47 GMT -5
This. They give just enough to make you think they're interested, but behind your back they've got 2 or 3 others they're doing the same thing to. It's a game to them to see how much they can get from how many different people. Hence, the term player. I just remembered people who are dating you for years but never wants to get married because they want to have someone easy to have sex with because you are really there but they think you are not good enough and they are looking maybe for someone 'better' will come along. So they are comfortable with you but commitment is not happening because it is not love - it is just 'I have someone every night to come to and its good but I feel like I deserve someone prettier, smarter, sexier...' That's sucks. Maybe this is what playing means...Sad I think there's an additional aspect to the "dating for years" thing -long term unmarried relationships aren't necessarily bad. I think it's when there's excuses/lies/promises when ever the discussion turns to marriage OR where the relationship is going long term that it signals a problem.
I'm ok with couples not getting married - as in a religious wedding. I'm also ok with couples not getting a marriage license (but I can see where not having one complicates things from the legal side of things). But, I would hope that after a handful of years of living together the couple would be talking about their long term plans (kinda the same way a married couple should be talking). If there's always excuses/lies/promises for the future... then I think someone in the long term relationship is getting 'played'.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 9, 2016 10:57:11 GMT -5
I don't know if my perception is skewed based on some other forums that I belong to but I feel like the younger set seems much more sensitive to interactions. I find people whose comments point to their inability or struggle to cope with what I would consider normal every day dealings with people. Not only dating, but jobs and coworkers, to simple things like calling people or mundane things that we all have to do. Like I said, I may have a skewed perception from this particular group as they seem especially needy. But based on their reactions to other things I can see them assigning nefarious evil attributes to people who reject them in a dating situation. This is our generation in a nutshell: Everyone has some type of anxiety about something. Social media has made us socially awkward when actual people are involved. Nothing is ever our fault - we are always amazing and everyone else sucks.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Aug 9, 2016 11:14:30 GMT -5
I don't know if my perception is skewed based on some other forums that I belong to but I feel like the younger set seems much more sensitive to interactions. I find people whose comments point to their inability or struggle to cope with what I would consider normal every day dealings with people. Not only dating, but jobs and coworkers, to simple things like calling people or mundane things that we all have to do. Like I said, I may have a skewed perception from this particular group as they seem especially needy. But based on their reactions to other things I can see them assigning nefarious evil attributes to people who reject them in a dating situation. This is our generation in a nutshell: Everyone has some type of anxiety about something. Social media has made us socially awkward when actual people are involved. Nothing is ever our fault - we are always amazing and everyone else sucks. It's not just social media for Gen Y it goes back go upbringing. It's the gold star do no wrong don't keep score generation some of who can't deal with rejection or failure because they were sheltered from it growing up. I think social media has just magnified it much like everything else, i.e. showing the entire world just how stupid/terrible/annoying/etc. some people really are.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 9, 2016 11:27:50 GMT -5
This is our generation in a nutshell: Everyone has some type of anxiety about something. Social media has made us socially awkward when actual people are involved. Nothing is ever our fault - we are always amazing and everyone else sucks. I can't tell if you agree with me or are being a smart ass I agree with you. This is especially prevalent in online dating for the 25-35 males range. They think that because they have a job, a car, and they don't live with their parents, you should be lining up around the block to sleep with them.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 9, 2016 11:38:23 GMT -5
I agree with you. This is especially prevalent in online dating for the 25-35 males range. They think that because they have a job, a car, and they don't live with their parents, you should be lining up around the block to sleep with them. I might as well join a nunnery if anything ever happens to MrSroo and I. I don't think I'm wired for online dating. Give me the bar scene any day, online dating seems like it is one of Dante's lost circles of hell. At least at the bars if things don't work out you can still have a good time. When I got divorce all I ever heard was you won't meet anyone decent in a bar!! Well I picked up a honey and we lived together around 8 yrs. But as far as the OP goes, I went into it knowing marriage was out of the question and he knew that up front. I had no desire to tie the knot or do anything "jointly" again. BTDT Near the end he started mentioning the M word so I ended it - that way he could get out there and find a wife
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