Nonsmokers with SOs that smoke

[MJ2.0]

Can you please share your experiences? How do you deal? Are there rules around when/where SO can or can't smoke?

[WholeLottaNothin]

My DH smokes. I do not. He is only allowed to smoke outside, no matter what the weather is, and in the car when he is alone. If we go for a long car ride, we stop every so often so he can get out and smoke.

[Deleted]

I never thought I'd be involved with a smoker but as Eastern European, husband was in his early teens when he started. He never smokes in the house or a vehicle. Never near kids when they were small. He washes hands, brushes teeth chews gum etc. as I'm very sensitive to the smell. I wish he'd quit. It isn't ideal, but it has worked ok so far. 

[Works4me]

Cigarettes? Cigars? Medicinal Substances? Illegal Drugs? 

My CF (Contractor Friend) smokes cigarettes - always and only outside, never in the car/truck, away from the Windows and not when I am around. He washes/rinses his mouth, hands and face after plus wears a smoking shirt or jacket that comes off.

Also, he does this completely on his own and always has which is great because I have asthma and other breathing problems. My parents and XH were old school, die hard smokers and I even smoked lightly and briefly in my twenties. My father never did totally believe me but occasionally turning blue reminded him. 

He is a very light smoker - about a pack a week and I sometimes forget he smokes at all  - in fact, it shocked me half to death when I found out he smoked! He started fairly recently (several years ago) and I think it's kind of a guy thing from work and with his sons.

Smoking was on my "No Way In Hell - Never, Ever, Ever" list. Frankly, I see it as a sign of God's Cosmic Humor in many ways. The bottom line is that it's his thing and I in no,way have to del with it.

 & 

[Apple]

My ex-h and ex-bf were both smokers, I've never smoked.  Ex-h quit for most the time we were married, but he only smoked outside, and never in the car.  Ex-bf only smoked outside and in his pickup with the windows rolled down.

Ex-h didn't want to smoke after we had our kid, so it was his choice to quit.  I honestly can't stand when I see people smoking with little kids right there.  My son had breathing issues, and I just feel bad for their little lungs.

[MJ2.0]

For the record, I was talking about cigarettes.

[MJ2.0]

Jul 17, 2016 7:33:59 GMT -5 Apple said:

My ex-h and ex-bf were both smokers, I've never smoked.  Ex-h quit for most the time we were married, but he only smoked outside, and never in the car.  Ex-bf only smoked outside and in his pickup with the windows rolled down.

Ex-h didn't want to smoke after we had our kid, so it was his choice to quit.  I honestly can't stand when I see people smoking with little kids right there.  My son had breathing issues, and I just feel bad for their little lungs.

I'm with you on how I hate seeing people smoke with small children around.

[andi9899]

I smoked for many years and it was always outside and in the car by myself with the windows down. I have dated smokers and non smokers. Now that I have quit, no way could I date another smoker. I'm sure sensitive to the smell. And I didn't quit because I wanted to, I quit so that I could breathe. My lungs can't take it anymore.

[zibazinski]

I won't be around people that smoke. It's so socially unacceptable that I rarely see anyone doing it. Must be in their own homes or cars.

[suesinfl]

I smoke, but only outdoors. I don't smoke in the car, so on long trips, I make frequent stops, drives my kids nuts. I also don't smoke around people, even if it is an outdoor event. I find a quite place well away from others, usually where I can not be seen. I also always have a small can of Frebreez and sanitary hand wipes that I use after I smoke. I don't feel that my bad habit should be pushed on others.


I hate that people who smoke think that since they are outside it is OK to smoke around others. Even those that are smoking the E Cigs. I'm such a prude sometimes. At DDs graduation people were gathered outside waiting for the graduates, I went way off behind a building to smoke, but there were others smoking their  E Cigs in the crowd. I wanted to just smack them up side the head, it was just plain rude.

[NoNamePerson]

Jul 17, 2016 7:36:52 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

For the record, I was talking about cigarettes.

Just curious. Does that mean pipes, cigars and weed is OK. Or were you talking about smoking sex  

[tallguy]

My ex-wife was a smoker when we met.  She was a friend of my sister and had liked me for a couple of years before we ever got together.  I never considered it because of her smoking.  I can't be around it, and am very much anti-smoking.  Before we started seeing each other she had to promise to quit.  The only two things that she was told upfront she could never do was smoke and lie to me.  So of course she did both for most of the marriage.  She did a very good job of hiding it for quite a while, and may have even quit for a short time, but it is not something that one can keep hidden for long.

Honesty is a big thing with me.  I had told her at the start that, "You can do pretty much anything you want.  I don't own you, and don't want to own you, but if you lie to me, we're through."  I can deal with pretty much anything as long as I know the truth about it.  That is the only way that I can ensure the validity of my own choices.  I don't know even now if she ever truly intended to quit, or didn't believe the effects of the smoke and the smell on me, or didn't care enough to take those into account.  I do know that her continued smoking and dishonesty about it was what poisoned our marriage.  Her defense one time was, "It's not really lying if you know what the truth is anyway."  Really, woman?  Seriously??  

She believed that my attempts to hold her to her promises, and to the things I had based the relationship on in the first place, were me being "controlling" and that I was telling her how she had to live.  No.  You have the right to do or choose whatever you want, and however you wish to live.  But I have the right to choose not to live with those choices.  You have the right to make the choice.  I am merely setting the conditions for that choice.  You can choose to smoke, or you can choose to be with me.  You don't get to choose both.

Smoking is a filthy, disgusting, sickening, and expensive habit.  But what was at least as important to me was this:  I pledged my life to her, and we had a child together.  I didn't want to have to watch her die, probably horribly, over something as stupid, revolting, and preventable as this.  She has now had cancer.  Smoking probably at least contributed to it, given that smoking has a measurable causative effect on most cancers.  I don't know at this point whether she still smokes or not.

I will never again date a smoker, or even someone trying to quit.  No way, no how.  Hard-core smokers are among if not the most pathetic people on the planet.  Huddled together in the cold and rain....  It seems that nothing is sacred to them beyond that next smoke, and they will throw away so much that should mean something to them to keep doing it.  And don't tell me it is impossible to quit.  That denies the possibly millions of people who do it every year. 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went back and forth on whether to post this, but decided to go ahead with it on the basis that it may give some perspective to some who are involved in the same situation.  If you are the smoker, please take into account the impacts on those around you.  Is that cigarette more important to you than your health, your wallet, your spouse, your marriage, your kids, and your dreams for the future?  If so, then light up!

And no, she still doesn't openly admit that had anything to do with the breakup.  
 

[Works4me]

tallguy - most smokers have the unrealistic idea that others cannot tell they smoke. They have no clue how noxious it really is. It's like a blind spot the size of Texas.

ETA - it's far easier to blame a divorce in the other party's controlling behavior rather than one's own dishonesty.

[tallguy]

Believe me, I know.  

For a smart person (and she is) there are an awful lot of things that she is not smart about.  

[TheOtherMe]

My mother swore nobody could smell the smoke and there was no yellow in their house.  After her health forced her to quit smoking and she was a reformed smoker, she had to have all the carpet replaced, as well as window coverings and smoky furniture.  Also had to have interior of house painted.  She finally admitted that it smelled and caused the yellow residue on the entire house.

She only smoked in the kitchen and dad wouldn't let her smoke in their last car.  Only smoking in the kitchen did not stop the smoke from going all through the house.

Took a 10 day stay in the hospital with pneumonia to get her to stop.  Due to the length of her hospital stay, she was weened from the cigarettes when she came home.  They used the nicorette patch in hospital.  She didn't need any of those after she was home.


I did date a guy who smokes a pipe.  His tobacco smells so good.  I honestly do not mind the smell of it.  When he visited my place, he always went outside to actually light up. 

[milee]

Jul 17, 2016 10:12:17 GMT -5 Works4me said:

tallguy - most smokers have the unrealistic idea that others cannot tell they smoke. They have no clue how noxious it really is. It's like a blind spot the size of Texas.

My kids are too nerdy (I think) to want to even try smoking.  Or they'll at least wait until they don't live here any more, because they've both been amazed that I can smell smoke on them when they walk in the front door even though they weren't even the ones that were smoking.  Yes, even them being near someone else that was smoking makes them stink enough that I can smell it on them immediately.

For people who don't smoke and who don't live with smokers, the smell is very strong.  Over time, people get used to it.  Not just the smoker but the people who live around the smoker get used to the smell.  I remember growing up I had a friend whose dad smoked - only outside the house on the back porch, but the smell on him and his clothes still made their whole house stink.  None of us really liked going over there because of the smell and we were really careful to take only clothes that we could wash afterwards since clothes seemed to pick up the smell too.  She and her mom couldn't smell it and we never said anything (why hurt her feelings over something she couldn't control anyway?)  

Being unable to smell odors that you're regularly bathed in is not confined to smoking though.  Think how many people you know that have a pet but can't smell the litter box or that their dog has a strong smell?  I've been sailing, boating and kayaking long enough that I no longer think the low tide smells are horrible like I thought when I first started.  You get used to whatever smells you're regularly around so that you stop registering them as noxious, bad or even there.

[tallguy]

My kids are too nerdy (I think) to want to even try smoking.

That is one thing that I am thankful about.  I seriously doubt my son will ever try it.  His mom is enough of an example.  I'm quite sure he has never tried alcohol either.  Best to take after Dad with those....        

[Deleted]

I'm a former smoker and dh still smokes. This made it very hard for me to quit. He smokes outside. I have not really become the former smoking Nazi that a lot of people do. I don't like it in the house or an enclosed car but sometimes I will stand near him while he smokes just to grab a little second hand. I still like the smell of fresh tobacco burning I guess. Not the stale old tobacco though.

[Deleted]

tallguy - your experience was similar to mine with an ex that had insisted he had quit before we were married, but either he never and hid it or restarted later.  It wasn't the reason for the divorce, but it didn't help the situation at all.  Now that we're divorced I think he has quit for real, but who knows.  All I know is that I cannot coexist happily with a smoker and I was very upfront about that when we were dating. 

[Tiny]

Jul 17, 2016 8:52:03 GMT -5 suesinfl said:

I smoke, but only outdoors. I don't smoke in the car, so on long trips, I make frequent stops, drives my kids nuts. I also don't smoke around people, even if it is an outdoor event. I find a quite place well away from others, usually where I can not be seen. I also always have a small can of Frebreez and sanitary hand wipes that I use after I smoke. I don't feel that my bad habit should be pushed on others.


I hate that people who smoke think that since they are outside it is OK to smoke around others. Even those that are smoking the E Cigs. I'm such a prude sometimes. At DDs graduation people were gathered outside waiting for the graduates, I went way off behind a building to smoke, but there were others smoking their  E Cigs in the crowd. I wanted to just smack them up side the head, it was just plain rude.

As far as I can tell, E-cigs don't have a 'smell'.  I think that's why people vape around other people.   Yeah, people near them may get hit with the cloud of vapor that has been in their lungs - but "breathing other people's air" is pretty much a given - you just don't see the 'vapor cloud' coming out of nose/mouth of the people you are standing around with.   At least with an e-cig - if you do it around me - I'm not gonna reek of smoke afterwards.

I do kind of agree that it's a bit rude to vape in a group of people - especially if your cloud is hitting people down wind of you.

I've got a sibling who use to be a "chimney" he's smoked for 50 years. A bout of pneumonia this winter got him to switch over to an e-cig thing.  I guess it was easier on his lungs than the actual pack and 1/2 he was smoking previously.    After about 4 months of his new 'habit' I noticed a HUGE change - he doesn't reek of smoke (even though he'd only smoke outside or leave the group to smoke away from everyone else).  His breath is better. His face looks "better".   He did say he was cutting back the nicotine too (not positive of this) but he seems to be able to go for an hour or more without getting 'squirrelly' and NEEDING a nicotine hit.  Previously, he'd be lighting up a cigarette every 20 to 30 minutes during the day and you KNEW when he was jonesing for a smoke.     He's drinking a bit less too these days.
He does admit he'll probably never be able to NOT use the e-cig  there are just some 'triggers' that he cannot overcome - but that the e-cig (even with less of a nicotine hit) quells.      He's not spending so much money either (he was spending about $200 a month on his cigarette habit in the past).
I'm not recommending anyone start smoking because e-cigs are so much better - but that switching over to one MIGHT be a way to cut back or move towards quiting.   H 

[Tiny]

Jul 17, 2016 10:35:17 GMT -5 milee said:

Jul 17, 2016 10:12:17 GMT -5 Works4me said:

tallguy - most smokers have the unrealistic idea that others cannot tell they smoke. They have no clue how noxious it really is. It's like a blind spot the size of Texas.

My kids are too nerdy (I think) to want to even try smoking.  Or they'll at least wait until they don't live here any more, because they've both been amazed that I can smell smoke on them when they walk in the front door even though they weren't even the ones that were smoking.  Yes, even them being near someone else that was smoking makes them stink enough that I can smell it on them immediately.

For people who don't smoke and who don't live with smokers, the smell is very strong.  Over time, people get used to it.  Not just the smoker but the people who live around the smoker get used to the smell.  I remember growing up I had a friend whose dad smoked - only outside the house on the back porch, but the smell on him and his clothes still made their whole house stink.  None of us really liked going over there because of the smell and we were really careful to take only clothes that we could wash afterwards since clothes seemed to pick up the smell too.  She and her mom couldn't smell it and we never said anything (why hurt her feelings over something she couldn't control anyway?)  

Being unable to smell odors that you're regularly bathed in is not confined to smoking though.  Think how many people you know that have a pet but can't smell the litter box or that their dog has a strong smell?  I've been sailing, boating and kayaking long enough that I no longer think the low tide smells are horrible like I thought when I first started.  You get used to whatever smells you're regularly around so that you stop registering them as noxious, bad or even there.

You and your nose are not special - non-smokers can pretty much tell when someone's been around cigarette smoke.  I had a 30 something boss once who was convinced his parents didn't know he smoked.   They were coming for a visit and he was saying it would be inconvenient for a couple of days - because he'd have to smoke outside where they couldn't see him to keep up the rouse/secret.  I busted out laughing when he said this.... and then I realized he was serious.  He was convince he could use 'febreeze' in the house to mask the smell.   I had a hard time NOT laughing at that, too.     I was like "your parent KNOW you smoke".   And yeah, it's ok  for everyone to 'look the other way' - you just might not want to be telling people you are 'fooling' your parents about your smoking - you aren't fooling anyone except maybe another smoker (who can't smell the smoke that's penetrated your clothing, etc).

[sesfw]

My late Dh was a heavy smoker (40 years) and in our last home he smoked outside or in his truck.  Before that it was any time, any where 2 packs a day. After he died of a sudden heart attack at age 59 I found an appointment card in his wallet to start a stop smoking class the following week.

I had my only cigarette when I was about 10.  It was so awful I couldn't, and still can't, figure out why anyone would want to do it.

My mother was a heavy smoker for 60 years and quit only when she got pneumonia and COPD.  She quit drinking coffee at the same time because 'the two went together'.  She was hooked to an oxygen tank for the last 5 years of life and slowly choked to death at age 85.  She told me a couple of times that if she know she would die the next day, she would have a cup of coffee and a cigarette today.  She enjoyed it.

My father was a heavy smoker for about 10 years and quit cold turkey.  He lived to be 94.

Daughter smoked for a while but quit when she had her first baby.

Oldest g-dtr has never been a smoker and no one in her in-law family smokes.

Younger g-dtr smoked for several years but she and boy friend quit when she became pg.  I don't think she has started again but I can smell it on boy friend.

[Anne_in_VA]

Both DH and I were smokers until about a year ago.  We both began smoking as teenagers.  We decided to try e-cigarettes and within a couple of months he'd quit totally.  It took me a couple of months more before I gave it up for good.  

[dogmom]

Thank you for the thread. I smoke, not in my car, not in the house, not during work (I don't take breaks to smoke) DH does not. Never has, never will. IF I haven't totally cleaned up after a cigarette, I hear about it. I don't have a defense, I have tried multiple times.  Cold turkey, patches, acupuncture, drugs, hypnosis....

The best I can offer is I try very hard to not infect others with second hand smoke.  With as little as I do smoke, you would think that I would quit.  He tries to be patient for the 15 minute time out.

[NoNamePerson]

Jul 17, 2016 9:49:07 GMT -5 tallguy said:

My ex-wife was a smoker when we met.  She was a friend of my sister and had liked me for a couple of years before we ever got together.  I never considered it because of her smoking.  I can't be around it, and am very much anti-smoking.  Before we started seeing each other she had to promise to quit.  The only two things that she was told upfront she could never do was smoke and lie to me.  So of course she did both for most of the marriage.  She did a very good job of hiding it for quite a while, and may have even quit for a short time, but it is not something that one can keep hidden for long.

Honesty is a big thing with me.  I had told her at the start that, "You can do pretty much anything you want.  I don't own you, and don't want to own you, but if you lie to me, we're through."  I can deal with pretty much anything as long as I know the truth about it.  That is the only way that I can ensure the validity of my own choices.  I don't know even now if she ever truly intended to quit, or didn't believe the effects of the smoke and the smell on me, or didn't care enough to take those into account.  I do know that her continued smoking and dishonesty about it was what poisoned our marriage.  Her defense one time was, "It's not really lying if you know what the truth is anyway."  Really, woman?  Seriously??  

She believed that my attempts to hold her to her promises, and to the things I had based the relationship on in the first place, were me being "controlling" and that I was telling her how she had to live.  No.  You have the right to do or choose whatever you want, and however you wish to live.  But I have the right to choose not to live with those choices.  You have the right to make the choice.  I am merely setting the conditions for that choice.  You can choose to smoke, or you can choose to be with me.  You don't get to choose both.

Smoking is a filthy, disgusting, sickening, and expensive habit.  But what was at least as important to me was this:  I pledged my life to her, and we had a child together.  I didn't want to have to watch her die, probably horribly, over something as stupid, revolting, and preventable as this.  She has now had cancer.  Smoking probably at least contributed to it, given that smoking has a measurable causative effect on most cancers.  I don't know at this point whether she still smokes or not.

I will never again date a smoker, or even someone trying to quit.  No way, no how.  Hard-core smokers are among if not the most pathetic people on the planet.  Huddled together in the cold and rain....  It seems that nothing is sacred to them beyond that next smoke, and they will throw away so much that should mean something to them to keep doing it.  And don't tell me it is impossible to quit.  That denies the possibly millions of people who do it every year. 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went back and forth on whether to post this, but decided to go ahead with it on the basis that it may give some perspective to some who are involved in the same situation.  If you are the smoker, please take into account the impacts on those around you.  Is that cigarette more important to you than your health, your wallet, your spouse, your marriage, your kids, and your dreams for the future?  If so, then light up!

And no, she still doesn't openly admit that had anything to do with the breakup.  
 

Does your son have FB? Please copy this over to his page. He really needs to know what is in store for him should he slip up somewhere down the line. At least if he ever had any questions as to why you and his Mom are divorced this will have cleared it up. Just a thought 

[tallguy]

Jul 17, 2016 17:26:50 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Jul 17, 2016 9:49:07 GMT -5 tallguy said:

My ex-wife was a smoker when we met.  She was a friend of my sister and had liked me for a couple of years before we ever got together.  I never considered it because of her smoking.  I can't be around it, and am very much anti-smoking.  Before we started seeing each other she had to promise to quit.  The only two things that she was told upfront she could never do was smoke and lie to me.  So of course she did both for most of the marriage.  She did a very good job of hiding it for quite a while, and may have even quit for a short time, but it is not something that one can keep hidden for long.

Honesty is a big thing with me.  I had told her at the start that, "You can do pretty much anything you want.  I don't own you, and don't want to own you, but if you lie to me, we're through."  I can deal with pretty much anything as long as I know the truth about it.  That is the only way that I can ensure the validity of my own choices.  I don't know even now if she ever truly intended to quit, or didn't believe the effects of the smoke and the smell on me, or didn't care enough to take those into account.  I do know that her continued smoking and dishonesty about it was what poisoned our marriage.  Her defense one time was, "It's not really lying if you know what the truth is anyway."  Really, woman?  Seriously??  

She believed that my attempts to hold her to her promises, and to the things I had based the relationship on in the first place, were me being "controlling" and that I was telling her how she had to live.  No.  You have the right to do or choose whatever you want, and however you wish to live.  But I have the right to choose not to live with those choices.  You have the right to make the choice.  I am merely setting the conditions for that choice.  You can choose to smoke, or you can choose to be with me.  You don't get to choose both.

Smoking is a filthy, disgusting, sickening, and expensive habit.  But what was at least as important to me was this:  I pledged my life to her, and we had a child together.  I didn't want to have to watch her die, probably horribly, over something as stupid, revolting, and preventable as this.  She has now had cancer.  Smoking probably at least contributed to it, given that smoking has a measurable causative effect on most cancers.  I don't know at this point whether she still smokes or not.

I will never again date a smoker, or even someone trying to quit.  No way, no how.  Hard-core smokers are among if not the most pathetic people on the planet.  Huddled together in the cold and rain....  It seems that nothing is sacred to them beyond that next smoke, and they will throw away so much that should mean something to them to keep doing it.  And don't tell me it is impossible to quit.  That denies the possibly millions of people who do it every year. 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went back and forth on whether to post this, but decided to go ahead with it on the basis that it may give some perspective to some who are involved in the same situation.  If you are the smoker, please take into account the impacts on those around you.  Is that cigarette more important to you than your health, your wallet, your spouse, your marriage, your kids, and your dreams for the future?  If so, then light up!

And no, she still doesn't openly admit that had anything to do with the breakup.  
 

Does your son have FB? Please copy this over to his page. He really needs to know what is in store for him should he slip up somewhere down the line. At least if he ever had any questions as to why you and his Mom are divorced this will have cleared it up. Just a thought 

Not sure the intent of this post, but my son lives with me full-time.  He is doing much better with me than he was when living with his mom and he is quite aware of his mom's issues.  So if your intent was to try and show that I am unreasonable or difficult, it won't work....   And my apologies if I misinterpreted it.

[mojothehelpermonkey]

Jul 17, 2016 10:25:00 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

My mother swore nobody could smell the smoke and there was no yellow in their house.  After her health forced her to quit smoking and she was a reformed smoker, she had to have all the carpet replaced, as well as window coverings and smoky furniture.  Also had to have interior of house painted.  She finally admitted that it smelled and caused the yellow residue on the entire house.

She only smoked in the kitchen and dad wouldn't let her smoke in their last car.  Only smoking in the kitchen did not stop the smoke from going all through the house.

Took a 10 day stay in the hospital with pneumonia to get her to stop.  Due to the length of her hospital stay, she was weened from the cigarettes when she came home.  They used the nicorette patch in hospital.  She didn't need any of those after she was home.


I did date a guy who smokes a pipe.  His tobacco smells so good.  I honestly do not mind the smell of it.  When he visited my place, he always went outside to actually light up. 

My mom was like that too. She called me a liar when I told her that my friends told me I smelled like smoke. She apologized years later after she quit.
When my FH and I first started dating, he smoked casually and said that he was going to quit. I rolled my eyes because I had heard that from just about every guy that I had dated who smoked. It turned out that he actually was the rare casual smoker who could quit with minimal effort, and I am happy about that. Dating someone who can't go more than a few hours without a cigarette gets old fast.

[TheOtherMe]

Jul 17, 2016 18:21:07 GMT -5 mojothehelpermonkey said:

Jul 17, 2016 10:25:00 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

My mother swore nobody could smell the smoke and there was no yellow in their house.  After her health forced her to quit smoking and she was a reformed smoker, she had to have all the carpet replaced, as well as window coverings and smoky furniture.  Also had to have interior of house painted.  She finally admitted that it smelled and caused the yellow residue on the entire house.

She only smoked in the kitchen and dad wouldn't let her smoke in their last car.  Only smoking in the kitchen did not stop the smoke from going all through the house.

Took a 10 day stay in the hospital with pneumonia to get her to stop.  Due to the length of her hospital stay, she was weened from the cigarettes when she came home.  They used the nicorette patch in hospital.  She didn't need any of those after she was home.


I did date a guy who smokes a pipe.  His tobacco smells so good.  I honestly do not mind the smell of it.  When he visited my place, he always went outside to actually light up. 

My mom was like that too. She called me a liar when I told her that my friends told me I smelled like smoke. She apologized years later after she quit.
When my FH and I first started dating, he smoked casually and said that he was going to quit. I rolled my eyes because I had heard that from just about every guy that I had dated who smoked. It turned out that he actually was the rare casual smoker who could quit with minimal effort, and I am happy about that. Dating someone who can't go more than a few hours without a cigarette gets old fast.

Mom said we lied about our friends saying we smelled like smoke.  Both my sister and I would air out suitcases after visiting before bringing them in the house.  All clothes went directly to the laundry.

By the time mom quit smoking, she was too old and ill to apologize. 

We were a little surprised when they moved from the house in to independent living and were unpacking them.  We washed all of her "pretties".  The water was yellow so we changed it often. 

Since they moved in to a place that is no smoking, my sister washed some of their clothes.  Mom had her take all coats to be dry cleaned to get the smell out.

[Phoenix84]

Jul 17, 2016 7:02:04 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Can you please share your experiences? How do you deal? Are there rules around when/where SO can or can't smoke?

Why? Are you dating a guy who smokes?

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Smoking was a deal breaker for me, so I never dated anyone who smoked.  Both my parents smoked, and my mom died from lung cancer.

After my mom died, my dad stopped smoking.  In the following years, the house was desmokified, where the furniture, carpets, cabinets were all replaced.  The walls were painted, old wall paper removed, new put up.  Then my dad remarried a smoker, and all of her kids smoked too.  No one was allowed to smoke in the house, and ultimately his wife quit.

After dad died, she started smoking again.  I am really, REALLY hoping she didn't smoke in the house, or allow her kids to smoke in the house.  When it goes on the market, the smoke smell will make it more difficult to sell.