Do you consider yourself a nice person?

[Lizard Queen]

The one nice thing threads and a FB post got me to thinking about this. I don't call myself a nice person --not any more. I still try to be nice to others, but it seems like living up to the nice person label leads me to get taken advantage of. Plus, I'm probably too cynical. This FB post was about DHs cousin getting some very mild success in her creative endeavors, and I'm like, "eh--big deal." That's probably not very nice, but I wouldn't say that to her or anything.

What do you think? Would you say that you are a "nice person "?

[MJ2.0]

I would not. I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I try to have a relatively positive outlook on life. I think doing the right thing is important. But I have learned that to love myself, I can't always be "nice". There are people I would do just about anything for, but the majority of people can shove off.

[yogiii]

People at work think I'm really nice. I've been described as having a good attitude and being pleasant multiple times which I would say is exactly opposite of my real personality.  I guess I put on a good show if I want to.

[Tiny]

No, I'm cold and heartless. I have been accused of being a "nice person" by others though. ::sigh::

Generally, if someone is happy/feeling good about something they've accomplished (even if it seems trivial or stupid to me) I'm not intentionally going to "Harsh their Happy" - being happy/content is specific to each person and can be such a fleeting thing...

Also, just because I don't 'get' the happy you are feeling - it doesn't mean I don't like you. In fact, I might enjoy it that you ARE happy! It's like ice cream. I don't like chocolate ice cream -it doesn't mean that you can't like chocolate  or eat it when I'm around. Just don't pressure me into helping you eat the gallon of Chocolate ice cream you just bought. Don't take my "don't like chocolate ice cream" to mean that I "dislike" you. There's plenty of other flavors and I do enjoy ice cream.

[swasat]

As I have grown older I have realized I don't like people. I mean I can get along great with almost everyone, have great work relationships and mostly great personal relationships, but I don't like people in general and would rather be alone or with a few trusted folks than be with a lot of people.

And this is 100% opposite of who I was till my early 30s. Back then I loved crowds, friends, helping people, being a social bird in general. And I was WAY nicer then   Genuinely happy for people, helping them out, wishing happiness on everyone. 

Not so anymore. Life and multiple incidents have me jaded...

I wouldn't classify myself as "nice" anymore. 

Am I usually nice to people? YES

Am I genuinely nice by nature? NO

[grumpyhermit]

No. I am a polite person, and I don't go out of my way to be mean/rude to people, but I would not consider myself nice.

I am pleasant at work, because I would like to remain employed, but in my off time I mostly just try to avoid people as much as possible.

[billisonboard]

I believe this and attempt to always keep it in mind in all my interactions (except those on the Politics board ):

[Tiny]

What is the definition of "nice"? Is it 'playing by the social rules' ie - being polite? Or is it something more?

I'm cold and heartless because I don't always go out of my way to appease other people. I can be helpful though - as it sometimes greases the social wheels and keeps things moving (we had a party with cake at the office and one person was struggling to cut and plate the pieces - I stepped up to help with the "plated cake" assembly - it went much faster and was less messy - and we all got to stand around and enjoy our cake at about the same time.    I would have done this even if I despised the Cake Cutter or didn't really like the reason for the party.     Getting cake faster meant I would get a piece sooner OR if it was an 'awkward occasion' it would mean it would end sooner.   Yeah, I'm selfish, too.   

 I'm not really into going the extra mile to arrange a 'party' for someone though, even if  I like them.

[billisonboard]

For me, kindness does not mean doing whatever I am asked to do.  It is doing what I can honestly do and honestly voicing what I can't in a kind and caring way.  I have seen people do for others in the most cruel manner.  I have seen people do for others (usually younger people) that which is in the long term not in the person's best interest and I don't see that as being kind.  And I have to remind my wife too often that I love her and she needs to stop being so cruel to the person that I love.

[souldoubt]

No.  I'm not mean but I'm also not the type of person who wants to hear other people complain about their lives.  Everyone vents but most people complain about situations that are of their own creation and I just don't care.  I'm a strong believer that if you aren't happy or don't like something that you have control over change it.  My better half has started to become more like me in this regard.  She's an absolute sweetheart but before she would get taken advantage of because she wouldn't want to say no and she was always going out of her way for others.  She's now told her sister on more than one occasion she doesn't want to hear her complain about things when she keeps making her situation worse and she's stopped bending over backwards for everyone.  She's realized that her time is valuable and she can't be tired or busy all the time trying to please others.

[Peace Of Mind]

Jul 14, 2016 13:00:26 GMT -5 swasat said:

As I have grown older I have realized I don't like people. I mean I can get along great with almost everyone, have great work relationships and mostly great personal relationships, but I don't like people in general and would rather be alone or with a few trusted folks than be with a lot of people.

And this is 100% opposite of who I was till my early 30s. Back then I loved crowds, friends, helping people, being a social bird in general. And I was WAY nicer then   Genuinely happy for people, helping them out, wishing happiness on everyone. 

Not so anymore. Life and multiple incidents have me jaded...

I wouldn't classify myself as "nice" anymore. 

Am I usually nice to people? YES

Am I genuinely nice by nature? NO

THIS!   ^^^  I don't generally like people but if nice means having empathy and compassion for others, being polite, courteous, and somewhat respectful to others then yes, I am nice.  When I'm happy and/or get my way, or have had a few drinks you won't meet anybody nicer.  Or mouthier.  

Act like a crazy bitch/jerk, be cruel to animals or children (unless you are the children being cruel to animals), be rude or two-faced to me -  you are going downnnn!  I used to have to treat people well who were jerks at work regardless of how I felt about them and their behavior but not working and not having to answer to anybody now I don't hesitate to project one's attitude.  Quickly.  It's fun saying what you really think and I don't plan on changing any time soon.  When I first meet people I feel that everybody is a friend until they prove they aren't.  Then I have no use for them and won't trust them or want them around me in any way.  I have no problem telling them that if they ask. 

[cronewitch]

I try a little and am nice to people I like and respect and not mean to those I don't unless they are mean first. I want to be charitable but haven't got that charity thing down yet since I expect people to take care of themselves so if they aren't then I am not helping them.

[Chocolate Lover]

Not really. MJ and a  couple of others said it all for me though.

[swasat]

Jul 14, 2016 13:37:37 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Jul 14, 2016 13:00:26 GMT -5 swasat said:

As I have grown older I have realized I don't like people. I mean I can get along great with almost everyone, have great work relationships and mostly great personal relationships, but I don't like people in general and would rather be alone or with a few trusted folks than be with a lot of people.

And this is 100% opposite of who I was till my early 30s. Back then I loved crowds, friends, helping people, being a social bird in general. And I was WAY nicer then   Genuinely happy for people, helping them out, wishing happiness on everyone. 

Not so anymore. Life and multiple incidents have me jaded...

I wouldn't classify myself as "nice" anymore. 

Am I usually nice to people? YES

Am I genuinely nice by nature? NO

THIS!   ^^^  I don't generally like people but if nice means having empathy and compassion for others, being polite, courteous, and somewhat respectful to others then yes, I am nice.  When I'm happy and/or get my way, or have had a few drinks you won't meet anybody nicer.  Or mouthier.  

Act like a crazy bitch/jerk, be cruel to animals or children (unless you are the children being cruel to animals), be rude or two-faced to me -  you are going downnnn!  I used to have to treat people well who were jerks at work regardless of how I felt about them and their behavior but not working and not having to answer to anybody now I don't hesitate to project one's attitude.  Quickly.  It's fun saying what you really think and I don't plan on changing any time soon.  When I first meet people I feel that everybody is a friend until they prove they aren't.  Then I have no use for them and won't trust them or want them around me in any way.  I have no problem telling them that if they ask. 

You are soooo my long lost soul sister!    

[Peace Of Mind]

Jul 14, 2016 13:54:33 GMT -5 swasat said:

Jul 14, 2016 13:37:37 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

THIS!   ^^^  I don't generally like people but if nice means having empathy and compassion for others, being polite, courteous, and somewhat respectful to others then yes, I am nice.  When I'm happy and/or get my way, or have had a few drinks you won't meet anybody nicer.  Or mouthier.  

Act like a crazy bitch/jerk, be cruel to animals or children (unless you are the children being cruel to animals), be rude or two-faced to me -  you are going downnnn!  I used to have to treat people well who were jerks at work regardless of how I felt about them and their behavior but not working and not having to answer to anybody now I don't hesitate to project one's attitude.  Quickly.  It's fun saying what you really think and I don't plan on changing any time soon.  When I first meet people I feel that everybody is a friend until they prove they aren't.  Then I have no use for them and won't trust them or want them around me in any way.  I have no problem telling them that if they ask. 

You are soooo my long lost soul sister!    

I've noticed that too and I was so glad to see you posting again!   

[Green Eyed Lady]

I consider myself a basically good person (most of the time) but I don't consider myself a nice person (most of the time). Obviously, I don't consider those to be the same thing.   My definition of nice is "pleasant and agreeable".  I'm agreeable if I agree.  I'm pleasant if the situation warrants it.  Otherwise....not so much.  That doesn't mean I'm mean and nasty either.  There is a middle ground.

[kittensaver]

Heck yeah I consider myself to be a nice person! My parents taught me enough social graces to be at minimum distantly polite to even the most awful people. And ways to sidestep people I can't stand.

But just because I know how to be polite when the situation warrants it doesn't mean I'm some kind of pushover, either. I would never publicly confront someone or make an ugly scene. But I wouldn't let someone use or abuse me either.

I agree that it all depends on your working definition of "nice."  

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Nope.

[swasat]

Jul 14, 2016 13:57:38 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Jul 14, 2016 13:54:33 GMT -5 swasat said:

You are soooo my long lost soul sister!    

I've noticed that too and I was so glad to see you posting again!   

Awww 

Stupid old job blocked ymam. So I chucked it and found a new job where I can be online all day long   

[swamp]

I'm a sweetheart.

[MJ2.0]

Jul 14, 2016 14:22:01 GMT -5 swasat said:

Jul 14, 2016 13:57:38 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

I've noticed that too and I was so glad to see you posting again!   

Awww 

Stupid old job blocked ymam. So I chucked it and found a new job where I can be online all day long   

You better not leave again!!!!

[lexxy703]

I think I am a nice person. I will extend a hand to people in need. I don't necessarily mean that in a financial way.  The only people I would lend money to are immediate family or closest friends.  None of whom need it.

I am on the other hand not particularly social.  I like being home alone.   

[quince]

No, but the important thing is my husband and friends DO consider me a nice person.

[Deleted]

Jul 14, 2016 14:30:02 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Jul 14, 2016 14:22:01 GMT -5 swasat said:

Awww 

Stupid old job blocked ymam. So I chucked it and found a new job where I can be online all day long   

You better not leave again!!!!

Better listen to her! I hear tell she isn't nice  

[Deleted]

I'm a raging bitch but as long as my cat and my husband like me, then all is right with my world.

[flamingo]

It depends on who you ask and when. My DH says I'm mostly a nice person, unless he's pissed me off then he thinks I'm mean. 

I try to remember when I'm interacting with the general public that everyone has their issues and I'm probably not the root cause of whatever attitude they are giving me. It helps me be kinder in my reactions to their annoying-ness. But, as I've gotten older, I have less and less patience (and I didn't have much to begin with!), so I'm sure there are people who would say I'm not always very nice.

People at work seem to like me and 1 person at work has told me I'm the nicest person she's ever worked with. Which either means I'm supremely nice/put on a good show, or she's worked with some real a-holes!

[Green Eyed Lady]

Jul 14, 2016 14:42:47 GMT -5 flamingo said:

It depends on who you ask and when. My DH says I'm mostly a nice person, unless he's pissed me off then he thinks I'm mean. 

I try to remember when I'm interacting with the general public that everyone has their issues and I'm probably not the root cause of whatever attitude they are giving me. It helps me be kinder in my reactions to their annoying-ness. But, as I've gotten older, I have less and less patience (and I didn't have much to begin with!), so I'm sure there are people who would say I'm not always very nice.

People at work seem to like me and 1 person at work has told me I'm the nicest person she's ever worked with. Which either means I'm supremely nice/put on a good show, or she's worked with some real a-holes!

lol.....my niece said a couple of years ago that "I love you very much, but sometimes you are kinda mean". That was the day we had a battle over getting out all the Barbie stuff before she picked up all the game stuff she was tired of playing with.

[alabamagal]

Jul 14, 2016 13:04:56 GMT -5 grumpyhermit said:

No. I am a polite person, and I don't go out of my way to be mean/rude to people, but I would not consider myself nice.

I am pleasant at work, because I would like to remain employed, but in my off time I mostly just try to avoid people as much as possible.

Grumpyhermit?  Doesn't sound too nice to me.

[weltschmerz]

I don't think I'm a nice person, because I believe so many people I know are morons. That being said, I try not to be unkind. I don't know what kind of hand they were dealt.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

I wish you all lived nearby because I have sincerely found my tribe.

As I get older, I am very careful to not be mean to others. And, I work hard to give everyone I meet, or know only casually, a blank slate. But, I am also finding my voice and am learning to say "Hell, no" in a kind tone. I'm beginning to think that we are given a fixed amount of tolerance for selfish/self-centered people and once that capital is spent, it's gone. I'm running on fumes these days...

But, again, I start from a place of respect and high expectations for mutual respect. I don't have a mean bone in my body, but that doesn't mean I won't call you out on your crappy behavior. :-)