swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
|
Post by swamp on Jun 28, 2016 18:41:19 GMT -5
There was a huge orphanage run by the nuns in my city. My best friend's mother was placed there because her family couldn't afford her. She was adopted out by a nice family. She was one of the lucky ones.
Several of my older clients were raised by the nuns. I am told they were treated well, and had all their needs met, but it wasn't exactly a loving home. When the girls were teens, they were hired out to local families as nannies, cooks, maids, etc. The boys were hired out for physical labor.
How old were they when they were hired out? Did they go and graduate from high school?
I'm assuming this was done as a way to earn for their room and board. I think that kind of situation was pretty common in a lot of lower middle-class families. I'm pretty sure my dad had to hand over any money he made to his mom during his middle and high school years. He turned 80 this year.
16. Usually no
|
|
msventoux
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 12, 2011 22:32:37 GMT -5
Posts: 3,037
|
Post by msventoux on Jun 28, 2016 19:18:55 GMT -5
My grandparents got married, but there was a screw up at the department of vital statistics and the marriage was never recorded, so they had to redo everything over a year later...when my grandmother was 7 months pregnant. My family supposedly came from the "old country", wherever that is, 3 generations ago. I traced our family tree back many generations and we're still in farm country and the east coast of the US. When tracing the family tree, I found a whole branch that the living relatives knew nothing about. The younger generation was shocked that the older generation they had looked up to were a bunch of horny miscreants. I was asked to stop digging into our past at that point. I've found branches of the tree that don't really fork much. Also branches where 5-6 siblings married their step-siblings. As for the current generation, I'm one of very few of the current generation who aren't drug users or in jail. In my immediate family, after my mom died we all pretty much decided around the same time that we were tired of my father's lies and bad behavior and cut off contact with him.
|
|
NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,888
|
Post by NastyWoman on Jun 28, 2016 19:20:11 GMT -5
No real story but a funny memory: my maternal DGM (born in the 1890s) was a rather prim and proper lady. Andshe was less than pleased that my mom was pregnant when she got married. GM swore something like that would not happen to anyof her other children. You can say about her what you want but when her son's wife gave birth the child was as DGM claimed a preemie. Yes DGM we all know that there are a whole lot of preemies around that are born after 5 month gestation and weigh in at 8lbs. Yet, she never waivered...dear cousin was a preemie because DGM said so This is my grandma too! She is still claiming preemie about my mom. I never said anything to her, but I know better. My grandma also insisted I'd be named after her (I am her first born GD). That could have been fine if it were not for the fact that she and my dad did not get along in the earlier years (see reason above) AND the fact that she always lied about her first name. She wanted to be a Maria and the fact that this was not her name did not fase (sp?) her at all. She decided she was a Maria after she married my DGF and so she was. I never heard anyone call her on that. Had my father listened to her I would now be a Johanna
|
|
toomuchreality
Senior Associate
Joined: Sept 3, 2011 10:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 16,921
Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
|
Post by toomuchreality on Jun 28, 2016 19:42:49 GMT -5
This thread is reminding me of more family secrets and lies. When I was cleaning out my grandpa's desk, I found his father's death certificate. It listed the cause of death as strangulation. I asked my aunt about it, and all she knew of him was that he took off to Minneapolis when my grandpa was a kid. She looked into it, and it turns out that he was found hanging from a bridge. They weren't sure if it was a murder or a suicide. Also, my brother was born before my parents were married. My mom tried to keep that a secret, but she didn't do a very good job. He was in their wedding pictures, which were hanging on the wall until I was around 6 years old. Then they disappeared. I think she planned to take them down before my brother and I started getting curious, but she misjudged how perceptive we were. She still feels a lot of shame about being an unwed mother. My brother was born in the late 70s, but it might as well have been the 50s based on the way my dad's family reacted. I also think there might be a bit more to the story. I know she has had a conversation with my brother about it, and she offered to fill me in on "the circumstances of his birth". It's clearly an upsetting topic for her though, so I didn't ask any questions. I may ask my brother someday though. I also found the paperwork from my parent's divorce when I was cleaning out his house. According to the questionnaire my dad filled out, my mom had been married previously, but it was annulled. My mom has mentioned a former boyfriend a few times who sounded pretty awful, so I am guessing that is another sore spot for her. Compared to my previous generations, mine has been pretty boring so far, and I am thankful for that. I had a baby in 1976 (I got married during my senior year, so not an unwed mother. BIG difference.). Some people tried to make me feel guilty, or ashamed. But I was so dang proud! I went through my graduation line with everyone else. I heard I was the first one to have done this. Maybe I was the first one they allowed to do it. Other girls, even a few that were my age and my friends, dropped out. I was proud to have finished. I felt like it was a big accomplishment. NomoreDramaQ1015Is it possible she meant, that is where other members of the family are buried? I agree, it would have been nice if they would have introduced you, or at the very least, explained. BIG hugs to all.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 5:18:50 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2016 20:08:43 GMT -5
I think i've told my stories before. Here's one.
G Gpa Dennis was an alcoholic. G Gma Cicely was nuts. And amorous. Drinking doesn't always leave you able to, well, perform. G Gma Cicely took up with the neighbor man. His wife didn't care for this much. The two women used to rock on their respective porches and glare at one another... until one day when the wife went to church and G Gma Cicely set her house on fire...
That branch of the family's 'tenets for living' included "if you are going to the store and don't need anything... at least steal toilet paper'.
I get these from my father. So i don't know how accurate they are. I do know at G Gma Cicely's funeral he said he showed up only to assure himeself the undertaker had staked her... you know, just to be sure.
His father's linage was traced way way back... no, not to the Mayflower... his first relative on American soil jumped a prison ship.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 28,118
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 28, 2016 20:16:24 GMT -5
Both sides of my family were a horny bunch!
Mom was from a family of 13 children and dad is from a family of 12 children. My grandma had 12 children in 15 years beginning when she was 16. I've always wondered how they quit having babies. Dad says he knew a baby was coming when Aunt Fern came with her pillow case full of stuff and all the kids were sent to stay with relatives.
Mom's family was spread out over 20 years, so a bit easier on Grandma.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 5:18:50 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2016 7:51:42 GMT -5
My family is pretty boring, but years ago Dad was going through old family photos and asked about one of a toddler who looked like she may have had Down's syndrome. He asked his mother who that was and she said, "that's your Aunt Beatrice". It was the first time she ever mentioned her sister, who'd died early. She was probably over 60 when this happened.
DH's family- well, it wasn't all secrets. He knows he's descended from an ancestor who was accused of mismanaging an estate in Scotland and was shipped to the US as an indentured servant. He eventually escaped into the hills of Tennessee and married a Cherokee woman who, DH says, "was so old and so ugly the Cherokees didn't want her". DH's stepdad was sent to live with another family when he was very young- maybe 13- and had to do chores there to earn his keep. DH also remembers a cousin who was 13 or 14 who came to live with them for a summer and worked at a sod farm- grueling, dirty work and he'd come home every night filthy and exhausted. When WW II broke out, DH and his 2 siblings were put in foster homes so his mother could work in a munitions factory. Two genuine secrets: his older brother and sister were put on a train to CA to go live with Bio Dad and his new lady friend. It didn't last long and they were soon back with DH and his Mom. No explanation. At one point, all the kids were sent to live with different relatives for a year or so and eventually reunited- but when DH asked his mother near the end of her life hat that was about she got uncomfortable and he didn't push it.
The "good old days" weren't always that good.
|
|
tskeeter
Junior Associate
Joined: Mar 20, 2011 19:37:45 GMT -5
Posts: 6,831
|
Post by tskeeter on Jun 29, 2016 11:30:06 GMT -5
No real story but a funny memory: my maternal DGM (born in the 1890s) was a rather prim and proper lady. Andshe was less than pleased that my mom was pregnant when she got married. GM swore something like that would not happen to anyof her other children. You can say about her what you want but when her son's wife gave birth the child was as DGM claimed a preemie. Yes DGM we all know that there are a whole lot of preemies around that are born after 5 month gestation and weigh in at 8lbs. Yet, she never waivered...dear cousin was a preemie because DGM said so This is my grandma too! She is still claiming preemie about my mom. I never said anything to her, but I know better. Yup. Some folks have the denial thing down pat.
|
|
tskeeter
Junior Associate
Joined: Mar 20, 2011 19:37:45 GMT -5
Posts: 6,831
|
Post by tskeeter on Jun 29, 2016 11:33:23 GMT -5
I think i've told my stories before. Here's one. G Gpa Dennis was an alcoholic. G Gma Cicely was nuts. And amorous. Drinking doesn't always leave you able to, well, perform. G Gma Cicely took up with the neighbor man. His wife didn't care for this much. The two women used to rock on their respective porches and glare at one another... until one day when the wife went to church and G Gma Cicely set her house on fire... That branch of the family's 'tenets for living' included "if you are going to the store and don't need anything... at least steal toilet paper'. I get these from my father. So i don't know how accurate they are. I do know at G Gma Cicely's funeral he said he showed up only to assure himeself the undertaker had staked her... you know, just to be sure. His father's linage was traced way way back... no, not to the Mayflower... his first relative on American soil jumped a prison ship. Family stories like this are probably better than the truth.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 29, 2016 11:33:35 GMT -5
I found out recently that my dad was put into an orphanage when was a baby and he lived there for a year. It shouldn't shock me, my grandmother got knocked up at 18 and didn't tell my dad anything about his biological father until my dad was in his 50s (and even then she doesn't remember the guys full name). My mother tells lies all the time, but she has convinced herself that her lies are the truth. For example, she accused my dad of being physically abusive when I was a kid to her and to me. She really believes that is the truth. Forgetting that I was there and I know he wasn't. I think some people convince themselves that their lies are the truth. I don't know how old your dad is, or what year he was in an orphanage, but my Grandfather spent time in an orphanage and I had a hard time figuring that out, because I knew all his brothers and cousins, and my great grandmother lived with my father's parents for years. I guess early in the 20th century, women didn't have many choices and when her husband died leaving her a pauper options were limited. She was able to use the orphanage for a temporary solution until she could figure something out. I know we all whine about sexism, but shit, we have come a long, long way. Fathers did the same thing. My grandmother & her 5 sisters all got dropped at an orphanage, and eventually got scattered around to various relatives/family friends. It's not a story I know the full version of because you can hardly get them to talk about it and I doubt they know all of it themselves, having been kids and all. Options sucked a lot back then.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
|
Post by swamp on Jun 29, 2016 11:47:53 GMT -5
I don't know how old your dad is, or what year he was in an orphanage, but my Grandfather spent time in an orphanage and I had a hard time figuring that out, because I knew all his brothers and cousins, and my great grandmother lived with my father's parents for years. I guess early in the 20th century, women didn't have many choices and when her husband died leaving her a pauper options were limited. She was able to use the orphanage for a temporary solution until she could figure something out. I know we all whine about sexism, but shit, we have come a long, long way. Fathers did the same thing. My grandmother & her 5 sisters all got dropped at an orphanage, and eventually got scattered around to various relatives/family friends. It's not a story I know the full version of because you can hardly get them to talk about it and I doubt they know all of it themselves, having been kids and all. Options sucked a lot back then.my friend's father is 1 of 10. The mother had mental health issues. The kids were often separated scattered around to various relatives while mom had a "rest" at the psych center. 9 out of 10 of the kids are thankful to the relatives that helped raise them. 1 out of 10 stayed butt hurt her entire life that her mother didn't want her.
|
|
cronewitch
Junior Associate
I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:44:20 GMT -5
Posts: 5,979
|
Post by cronewitch on Jun 29, 2016 15:24:58 GMT -5
Dad was born in 1914 his sister in 1913 dad died the last day of WWI, leaving mom with them and 3 older kids with a different dead father. She raised them on welfare and what they could grow on the farm. She met a man who would marry her but not if she had children. She disposed of the children when they were about 12 letting the girl stay until she finished 8th grade since a girl needed an education. Dad was sent to a farm to milk cows, sister was given to an old man to keep house and got pregnant. Her son was sent away for being born special needs but she couldn't have raised a child with no support as a young teen. Dad milked a herd of cows twice a day and lived in a barn as a teen. His mom died in 1966 he went to the funeral but wasn't sad. His sister had married, adopted a daughter and been widowed so moved in with mom her last dozen years so the siblings all decided she should get the house for putting up with her and the others didn't need it. I saw my grandmother when I visited my aunt and cousin but she didn't talk to us and mostly stayed in her room or watched tv. I didn't care when she died when I was 18, it would be sad to die and nobody care but she asked for it.
|
|
sesfw
Junior Associate
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 15:45:17 GMT -5
Posts: 6,268
|
Post by sesfw on Jun 29, 2016 15:29:39 GMT -5
This is the last lie my mother told me.
She and her housemate (Roberta) came to stay with Bill and I for a few weeks (1994) while they delivered phone books. Each had their own bedroom and everything was good. Roberta was 7-8 years younger than mom.
After my Bill died mom and Roberta decided to live with me so I wouldn't be alone. That lasted a year because I had two rules in the house ....... no smoking, and because Roberta was an addicted gambler .... let us know when she took off for a casino. She couldn't follow either one so they moved back to Colorado.
As Roberta was dying of lung cancer about 8 months after mom died ....... I found out 'Roberta' was 'Robert' complete with 3 adult kids. This was in 2001.
By then mom had told me so many lies that I just shrugged and said 'Oh well'.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 28,118
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 29, 2016 19:17:05 GMT -5
I was taken aback when I was working on the family tree and found out my father's family that came to the US had one slave. I didn't want my ancestors to own slaves. I then realized they did not have much money if they only owned one slave. They also had lots of kids. Couldn't tell from the census records if the slave worked in the house or in the fields. I know they lived in North Carolina.
|
|
grits
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2012 13:43:33 GMT -5
Posts: 3,185
|
Post by grits on Jun 29, 2016 20:14:03 GMT -5
My dad wanted his remains spread at his favorite place. He died over 3 years ago. My sister has my dad's ashes in a giant ziplock bag in the hallway. The way she falls, I hope she falls on it, and it pops on her. I think I'd need oxygen before I stopped laughing.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,942
|
Post by taz157 on Jun 29, 2016 20:29:29 GMT -5
On my DH's side, a set of his sisters kids is a cluster and many rumors and/or lies. Her oldest DD has 3 kids: 2 by her XH (one looks like the spitting image of XH while the other looks nothing like XH and there are those people that don't think he's the father even though they were married at the time but XH treats them both like his) and 1 by an XBF but current BF is passed off as he's the dad (to make it even more fun, she's wasn't divorced yet from XH but they were separated at the time when the child was conceived). The next oldest DD has 3 or 4 kids: 1 by an abusive XBF (no clue on his name), rumored next was adopted out (no clue on father), 2 by her current BF (granted on FB, she lists her BF's last name as her's so not sure if they are married and we haven't been officially told about the latest 2 kids but did see it on FB). The youngest DD has 2 kids and an rumored abortion: 1st was adopted out (rumored to the same parents that adopted the older sister's rumored child), 2nd she's raising with an XBF in which she gave birth to a year after she adopted out the first. She adopted the first one out as she wanted an involved father in her child's life, and her and the baby daddy were together when she first gave birth. I think they split a year or so after her child was born. This family also has a brother, but no clue on his children if any (even though I think he's dating a girl with a child based on the FB pictures I've seen).
There maybe some other liars on DH's extended family side but not sure on everything. On my side of the family, there aren't any liars that I know about.
|
|
Waffle
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 11:31:54 GMT -5
Posts: 4,391
|
Post by Waffle on Jun 29, 2016 20:47:33 GMT -5
Hello. Don't be shy, join in!
|
|
Waffle
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 11:31:54 GMT -5
Posts: 4,391
|
Post by Waffle on Jun 29, 2016 20:58:13 GMT -5
oped's post reminded me of a family lie, although not my family. When my mother was young - mid to late 1940s, she was friends with neighbor kids whose mother would often leave in the evening and tell them she was going to the doctor. Years later, my mom remarked upon how stupid they all were to believe her. She was actually working as a prostitute.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,335
|
Post by andi9899 on Jun 29, 2016 21:12:34 GMT -5
This is my grandma too! She is still claiming preemie about my mom. I never said anything to her, but I know better. My grandma also insisted I'd be named after her (I am her first born GD). That could have been fine if it were not for the fact that she and my dad did not get along in the earlier years (see reason above) AND the fact that she always lied about her first name. She wanted to be a Maria and the fact that this was not her name did not fase (sp?) her at all. She decided she was a Maria after she married my DGF and so she was. I never heard anyone call her on that. Had my father listened to her I would now be a Johanna
I am named after grandmothers. My first name is my great great grandmother on my mom's side and my middle name is my great grandmother on my dad's side. I've never met either one.
|
|
cronewitch
Junior Associate
I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:44:20 GMT -5
Posts: 5,979
|
Post by cronewitch on Jun 30, 2016 0:18:18 GMT -5
oped 's post reminded me of a family lie, although not my family. When my mother was young - mid to late 1940s, she was friends with neighbor kids whose mother would often leave in the evening and tell them she was going to the doctor. Years later, my mom remarked upon how stupid they all were to believe her. She was actually working as a prostitute. My parents would go out at night telling us they were going to Lake Washington to watch the submarine races. Do submarines race in lakes at night? Do they race underwater? How can you see the races at night? Did our parents think we were buying that lie?
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 30, 2016 1:01:51 GMT -5
oped 's post reminded me of a family lie, although not my family. When my mother was young - mid to late 1940s, she was friends with neighbor kids whose mother would often leave in the evening and tell them she was going to the doctor. Years later, my mom remarked upon how stupid they all were to believe her. She was actually working as a prostitute. My parents would go out at night telling us they were going to Lake Washington to watch the submarine races. Do submarines race in lakes at night? Do they race underwater? How can you see the races at night? Did our parents think we were buying that lie? my dad once referenced going to watch submarine races in Lake Michigan. I think I was around the age of 9-10. I think it was in reference to my older brother dating/eyeing a cute girl but I probably had my nose in a book at the time...
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,103
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 30, 2016 9:23:27 GMT -5
I remembered another one. My mom had a cousin who got pregnant as a teenager. Her parents drove her to California for "vacation".
In reality they drove her there to get an abortion. Everybody was supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
My grandmother said she knew several girls who "went to live with their aunt" for nine months out of the year and then came back. The parents would put the baby up for adoption and then you went back to school like nothing happened.
Those stories are why I am always skeptical of people who like to talk about the "good old days" where everyone was so responsible and always waited until marriage.
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 8,019
|
Post by finnime on Jun 30, 2016 9:46:38 GMT -5
This is the last lie my mother told me. ... I just want to say that is a truly great first line for a story or book.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
|
Post by swamp on Jun 30, 2016 9:49:14 GMT -5
I remembered another one. My mom had a cousin who got pregnant as a teenager. Her parents drove her to California for "vacation". In reality they drove her there to get an abortion. Everybody was supposed to pretend like nothing happened. My grandmother said she knew several girls who "went to live with their aunt" for nine months out of the year and then came back. The parents would put the baby up for adoption and then you went back to school like nothing happened. Those stories are why I am always skeptical of people who like to talk about the "good old days" where everyone was so responsible and always waited until marriage. My mother has one of those cousins.
She had a baby at 15. She was told she had to put her up for adoption.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Jun 30, 2016 9:55:08 GMT -5
I know it's not a popular view but it was best for baby and mother.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 30, 2016 11:45:30 GMT -5
I remembered another one. My mom had a cousin who got pregnant as a teenager. Her parents drove her to California for "vacation". In reality they drove her there to get an abortion. Everybody was supposed to pretend like nothing happened. My grandmother said she knew several girls who "went to live with their aunt" for nine months out of the year and then came back. The parents would put the baby up for adoption and then you went back to school like nothing happened. Those stories are why I am always skeptical of people who like to talk about the "good old days" where everyone was so responsible and always waited until marriage. My mother has one of those cousins.
She had a baby at 15. She was told she had to put her up for adoption.
I have one of those aunts. She had a kid that was adopted out in her teens and he found her not long ago. We've all met him and he comes to any family things he can (weddings & such). I haven't heard much but it seems being adopted wasn't that good for him. The way my aunt said it wasn't good in his case when I came up with one of the cliches was so sad I didn't ask more questions.
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 64,571
|
Post by Tennesseer on Jun 30, 2016 12:49:48 GMT -5
The linked article is not so much about family lies but what family and friends found out about their loved ones they never knew about when they were alive. Short, anecdotal stories. Won't take long to read. First two: 1/21 My mom died of cancer a couple years ago. While I was going through her office I did some math and figured that she spent just shy of $200,000 on shamans, miracle cures and weird investments in South America during the last two years of her life. 2/21 Well I looked at my mom's google history after she committed suicide. She was plotting it the entire week, she google all different types of ways of how to do it, she also googled ways of getting out of depression and suicidal thoughts. I hesitate before looking, I knew what I was going to find. I don't know if I feel better that she thought it through and it wasn't spontaneous or if I feel better that she didn't want to feel like that but couldn't help it. Either way I know that the struggle was real, she really felt like it was her only option. It's sad to think that sometimes the relief of death outweighs the pain of life. I miss you Mom RIP.21 People Reveal The Most Surprising Thing They Discovered About A Deceased Loved One After Going Through Their Belongings.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 5:18:50 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2016 14:31:13 GMT -5
My grandmother said she knew several girls who "went to live with their aunt" for nine months out of the year and then came back. The parents would put the baby up for adoption and then you went back to school like nothing happened. Those stories are why I am always skeptical of people who like to talk about the "good old days" where everyone was so responsible and always waited until marriage. A girl in my brother's HS class got pregnant her junior year, went to an unwed mother's home and returned to graduate, which was pretty radical for a HS with "Saint" in the name. She was pretty, bright and popular but just got too close with her BF. My mother went to school with her mother and heard the girl (who is now over 60) never married and never had any more kids.
I'm not sure what the best solution is in these cases- my favorite cousin is adopted and sometimes I wish her birth mother knew what a treasure she gave us - but "pretend it never happened" doesn't work too well.
|
|
happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 21,597
|
Post by happyhoix on Jun 30, 2016 14:34:25 GMT -5
When my sister died suddenly of cardiac arrest at age 60, the police called to tell my other sister about the death and warned her that the house was not 'habitable.'
That was an understatement. DS lived in a little 800 square foot house with five cats and had stopped cleaning the littler pans. Just dumped some litter on the floor in the kitchen. The small enclosed porch to the side door was packed full of garbage. The kitchen sink hadn't worked in years and was stacked with dirty dishes, as was every other horizontal surface in the kitchen. The carpeting in the living room and bedrooms were saturated with cat urine and feces. The smell was so powerful you could outside, 20 feet from the front door, and smell it.
Her bed was piled with clothing, and the clothing was covered in feces and urine. We assumed she slept in a recliner in the living room, the only chair in the house that wasn't piled with stuff. The basement (with the washer and dryer) had a water problem and everything in it (full of cardboard boxes) was covered in toxic mold.
My other sisters and I were horrified. I'd never seen another house like that. No one in my family ever lived like that, that I know of. Growing up, DS was messy but not dirty. I know she was sick for the last few years of her life, but from all the cobwebs and dust that coated every surface, the house had to be in that state for a good ten years.
She wouldn't let anyone inside the house, and I'm sure it's because she didn't want her cats taken away because she couldn't care for them. She also should have been in a nursing home situation, because she couldn't care for herself, either, but she wouldn't have wanted that, either.
Horrible, terrible situation. I can't imagine living that way. I feel guilty that I didn't come up there and break the door in, but I never imagined she could be living like that. To talk to her on the phone, she was a calm, rational and intelligent person. She never mentioned having serious health issues, or being homebound, or her house being messy. What an awful way to live.
|
|
cronewitch
Junior Associate
I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:44:20 GMT -5
Posts: 5,979
|
Post by cronewitch on Jun 30, 2016 16:18:30 GMT -5
I know it's not a popular view but it was best for baby and mother. One advantage is it made some of us not want sex before we were adults. I knew if I was pregnant at 16 I didn't get to keep a baby, abortion was illegal so have it and give it away. Birth control wasn't available to me even if it had been invented and I hadn't been told about condoms until I was 17 so sex wasn't something I would risk. Now a girl as young as 12 keeps the baby, everyone helps, parents watch it while she is in school, she gets WIC and some day cares are in schools so you can have a 6 year old when you finish high school without having to drop out, marry the guy or even change many diapers. Some grandparents end up raising the kids so the mother can go to college, start a career. Other girls see she didn't suffer much and don't see the harm in having one too. Other than religion I don't think you will find many 17 year old virgins now. Forced marriages were the worst part of old style knocked up girls. Two people forced to marry without any desire as punishment for pregnancy. My BFF in 1970 was married to someone who didn't want to marry her in the late 50s so oldest kid was 12 and 4 total. Her parents said you made your bed you lay in it and forced the marriage and no way would support her after that even if she was a teen.
|
|