justme
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Post by justme on Jun 10, 2016 19:40:03 GMT -5
I understand why it was done and why it's still done. But things don't happen in a vacuum. Making kids hug and kiss someone when they don't want to can teach them to grin and bear it to make the other person happy or because that's just what you do. It can confuse kids because if they don't want a "good touch" and then feel that way with a "bad touch" how do they delineate the difference? You combine that with teaching girls to be nice and make people happy and smile and it can be a very dangerous combination.
It doesn't always happen that way but I think it's very ready for that lack of agency to continue on.
I love getting hugs from my niece. It's too cute. She'll often sit there with pursed lips waiting for me to kiss her on the cheek if I forgot. But if she ever said no I think I'd ask for a high five, if no then a wave or maybe a goodbye dance. But I never want a hug from her after she says no unless she alone changes her mind.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jun 10, 2016 19:41:39 GMT -5
The only reason to touch someone without their expressed or implied consent is in an emergency (giving CPR, rescuing someone, etc.). Since I'm much older than you I can tell you it's always been that way especially in the south to say "Go give Grandma or Grandpa some sugar or a kiss or hug". It was to teach the little one's to: 1. Learn who their relatives are and why they appeared in their lives 2. How to be affectionate (and not robotic cold people which many studies have shown that the young (animals too) who weren't touched or snuggled with at an early age grew up "weird" or cold and undemonstrative.) 3. It was only little pecks on the cheeks and little appropriate hugs under full supervision so the little one's knew it was ok. Not until about 6-10 years of age was "bad touch" taught. Not everybody had the internet or perverts in their lives and had such stringent rules about such things. Now people know better. But most people I know still practice hugging and kissing grandparents/aunts and uncles unless they are step or creepy - then parents lie and say they don't practice it. I was raised pretty much the same way. I still didn't like it. And I did have a creepy cousin that we were told not to hang out with alone. DS has gotten more affectionate with family members but I always give him a choice of hugs or hi-fives. He chose hi-five for my father at Christmas, but that was only time they had met.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 10, 2016 19:53:12 GMT -5
I actually think one of the best things to do for kids (but especially girls because society tends to "beat" it out of them) is to give them the freedom to follow their gut instincts. Whether they don't want to hug uncle Joe because he's wearing blue and they hate blue or they get a creepy vibe from him, it doesn't matter. Go with it, learn to trust it, it's right way more often than wrong.
But we teach girls to be nice. To smile. To not be a bitch. To be quiet. To be pretty. To be an object. Both overtly and covertly. And a huge portion of that is to go against gut instinct. I've found myself in instances with guys where I'm like damn WTF am I here for? I had a feeling and now that shit is happening. Why am I here? And quite often the knee jerk response to myself was not wanting to be a bitch.
And I wasn't forced to hug people that I recall. My parents raised me to be independent. And I still have gone against my gut instinct in the past because I didn't want to be a bitch to that person.
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Jun 10, 2016 19:53:25 GMT -5
I don't know... I was raised that you hug your relatives and that's okay and it's rude to reject a hug.
But I was still raised to know what a "good touch is" and what a "bad touch is"
Like I don't see having to hug an aunt or uncle as a bad thing. My moms a hugger and always has been and even though I'm not a hugger all of her friends are and most of my relatives.
I've never taken hugging as a "bad touch" I feel like you just have to express to people what is bad touch and what is not bad touching.
I don't think it's common for a person that had raped someone to just truly believe they don't know what bad touching is and what good touching is.
....Maybe, I'm wrong. I don't know. But I certainly never thought an unwanted hug was a bad touch.
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Jun 10, 2016 19:54:16 GMT -5
I feel like if my mom hadn't forced me to hug anyone growing up I'd never had hugged literally anyone including her.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 10, 2016 20:08:04 GMT -5
Did she say now go hug your aunt or did she say that, you say no, and she say I don't care go hug your aunt?
I think there's a difference between it being the normal way to say hi or goodbye and making them do it after they say no.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 10, 2016 20:46:26 GMT -5
Re: Lena's comment.... The problem is the thought process behind being forced to be touched by a relative. You are basically saying that the child's desire for physical space and comfort should come second to the feelings of an adult. Never mind that a mature adult should understand that kids are typically particular about who they let touch them - they generally only want people they know and trust touching them. If you force them to be touched by anyone, especially when they don't want it to occur, you are sending them the message that unwanted bodily contact is okay. And they may very well carry that message with them beyond childhood and into other encounters. I hope they do carry that message with them beyond childhood, since I don't consider all forms of all bodily contact, in all contexts, to be inappropriate without express consent. There are situations where the desire for space and comfort should come second to others' feelings. I fully intend to teach my kids what forms of contact, in which contexts, are appropriate and which ones are not. Where does courtesy end and self-preservation begin. Believe it or not, even teenagers have the mental capacity to exercise good judgment if one invests the time to teach them. Like the relatives your kid doesn't want to hug. Relatives' feelings take precedence over kids' feelings in this situation. It's an expected courtesy in my world. As a kid raised with this bullshit, just don't. I knew who my relatives were, I hated being forced to hug others and hate being touched by others ( with a few exceptions) to this day.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 10, 2016 20:51:27 GMT -5
Just wondering, for discussion sake, at what age the kid's feelings take precedence over a relatives feelings?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 10, 2016 20:52:14 GMT -5
Never.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 10, 2016 20:53:43 GMT -5
Never. Well I know that, and you know that. I'm just wondering what Virgil and others that think kids should be forced into physical contact after they say no.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jun 10, 2016 20:55:00 GMT -5
Just wondering, for discussion sake, at what age the kid's feelings take precedence over a relatives feelings? Virgil will be told when he gets there.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 10, 2016 20:55:19 GMT -5
I have a suspicion what the answer might be.....
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 10, 2016 21:26:07 GMT -5
I understand why it was done and why it's still done. But things don't happen in a vacuum. Making kids hug and kiss someone when they don't want to can teach them to grin and bear it to make the other person happy or because that's just what you do. It can confuse kids because if they don't want a "good touch" and then feel that way with a "bad touch" how do they delineate the difference? You combine that with teaching girls to be nice and make people happy and smile and it can be a very dangerous combination. It doesn't always happen that way but I think it's very ready for that lack of agency to continue on. I love getting hugs from my niece. It's too cute. She'll often sit there with pursed lips waiting for me to kiss her on the cheek if I forgot. But if she ever said no I think I'd ask for a high five, if no then a wave or maybe a goodbye dance. But I never want a hug from her after she says no unless she alone changes her mind. Never said it was and never said it should. Just answered a question. Personally I don't like it when people shove their babies or kids on me and want me to hold them, kiss them, bath them (childhood bestie and her DH would do that with their daughter when she was little). But I liked her so I sucked it up. My nieces and nephews never said no to me and one of my nephews would throw himself at my legs and hold on begging me to stay. DH's niece and I were good buds and she always wanted to hold my hand and sit by me when we'd go to Sea World or Disney World. Yay! I wasn't the creepy aunt.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 10, 2016 21:31:47 GMT -5
Yea, I think it's not too much longer until she starts to realize I'm the only aunt with a full time job and money to spare! I'm getting a Disney pass soon with my friends, she's young enough to get in free with me but not old enough to ask!
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 10, 2016 21:52:26 GMT -5
Just wondering, for discussion sake, at what age the kid's feelings take precedence over a relatives feelings? You just made me remember something. When one of my nephew's was a toddler we were all over there celebrating his birthday and sitting out by the pool. Both sets of families and grandmas were there and friends of the family. The toddler picked up my SIL's mom's shoes and carried them over to her and told her she could leave now. I would say about then would be a good age. When they can do that. My mom was so relieved it didn't happen to her and it really was cute/funny but I felt bad for the other grandma. It embarrassed her.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 10, 2016 22:01:42 GMT -5
My granny used to suck my face to the point I wouldn't want to see her ever! And she was not a perv - she just had her way with kissing and grabbing your face! YUCK! God forgive me...
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Jun 10, 2016 22:03:02 GMT -5
Did she say now go hug your aunt or did she say that, you say no, and she say I don't care go hug your aunt? I think there's a difference between it being the normal way to say hi or goodbye and making them do it after they say no. She'd tell me to go hug my Aunts and Uncles and Cousins as were getting ready to leave or as a thank you. She still tells me to this day to do it as well. My entire family and my mom's friends growing up though have always been huggers for "Hey" "Bye" and "Thank You" And when I'd put up a fight which I did for anyone when I was younger she'd get upset with me and say it's rude. And yeah she'd repeat to me to go hug them again. I also have family friends and relatives that will say "You're not leaving without a hug!" and they hug my girlfriend even upon first meeting. It's just always been how my family and my moms friend are. They're all huggers. I've never taken it as inappropriate hugging though. I think if my mom wouldn't have made me do it I'd still not hug people today. I'd have said no every time until I just had to suck it up and deal with it. I don't mind it now. I know it's just there way of telling me they love me.
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Jun 10, 2016 22:06:14 GMT -5
I don't believe that forcing your child to be hugged leads them to be rapist and not understand what's appropriate hugging and what isn't.
I was forced to hug others and I still know what's appropriate touching and what isn't. I was never touched inappropriately by anyone I'd be forced to hug either.
I think conversations about what is appropriate and what isn't in regards to touching is important but I truly don't believe every form of touching is considered "negative."
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Jun 10, 2016 22:11:13 GMT -5
The only reason to touch someone without their expressed or implied consent is in an emergency (giving CPR, rescuing someone, etc.). Since I'm much older than you I can tell you it's always been that way especially in the south to say "Go give Grandma or Grandpa some sugar or a kiss or hug". It was to teach the little one's to: 1. Learn who their relatives are and why they appeared in their lives 2. How to be affectionate (and not robotic cold people which many studies have shown that the young (animals too) who weren't touched or snuggled with at an early age grew up "weird" or cold and undemonstrative.) 3. It was only little pecks on the cheeks and little appropriate hugs under full supervision so the little one's knew it was ok. Not until about 6-10 years of age was "bad touch" taught. Not everybody had the internet or perverts in their lives and had such stringent rules about such things. Now people know better. But most people I know still practice hugging and kissing grandparents/aunts and uncles unless they are step or creepy - then parents lie and say they don't practice it. See this is the thing. I truly believe I'd be a cold, closed off, reserved person that wouldn't know how to hug or be affectionate if I hadn't been "forced" into hugging my loved ones growing up. I needed it. And I think sometimes children go without hugs and that can lead to negative effects in their lives as well. Affection is important even if a child is shy or afraid...they need that. They need to be hugged from time to time. I've learned this in my child development classes as I'm an early childhood major. If a child never has these hugs it can lead to issues later on in life. It's important to express what is good and bad touching but every time a child says "No" to hugging every single person they're not getting the affection they need, the love they need. It is important for child development and growth that they are essentially hugged. I think it's important to note if a child is fearful but if it's just flat out refusal from being shy or some other reasons... it's a slipary slope but it is important.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 10, 2016 22:14:55 GMT -5
I don't believe that forcing your child to be hugged leads them to be rapist and not understand what's appropriate hugging and what isn't. I was forced to hug others and I still know what's appropriate touching and what isn't. I was never touched inappropriately by anyone I'd be forced to hug either. I think conversations about what is appropriate and what isn't in regards to touching is important but I truly don't believe every form of touching is considered "negative." It's usually the converse from what I've read. Forcing kids to hug tells them their body is not their own. That they can't say no to touching they don't want because it's rude and impolite. And that leads to women (and sometimes men) who don't want to be rude when a guy is touching them that they don't want to. Who after a while of being told to suck it up, keep sucking it up when new people want to touch them. That they don't know how to speak up when they don't want to be touched because they've been told to do it anyway their whole life. That instead they just stay paralyzed until it's over Not saying it's always that way, but it can be. That's the bad outcome of forcing physical contact on children.
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Jun 10, 2016 22:20:42 GMT -5
I don't believe that forcing your child to be hugged leads them to be rapist and not understand what's appropriate hugging and what isn't. I was forced to hug others and I still know what's appropriate touching and what isn't. I was never touched inappropriately by anyone I'd be forced to hug either. I think conversations about what is appropriate and what isn't in regards to touching is important but I truly don't believe every form of touching is considered "negative." It's usually the converse from what I've read. Forcing kids to hug tells them their body is not their own. That they can't say no to touching they don't want because it's rude and impolite. And that leads to women (and sometimes men) who don't want to be rude when a guy is touching them that they don't want to. Who after a while of being told to suck it up, keep sucking it up when new people want to touch them. That they don't know how to speak up when they don't want to be touched because they've been told to do it anyway their whole life. That instead they just stay paralyzed until it's over Not saying it's always that way, but it can be. That's the bad outcome of forcing physical contact on children. I mean I get that logic. But I've also seen the studies where children that have parents that never hug them, or children that never want to be hugged have had issues later on in life as well. I guess my mother was able to properly convey that "hugging" is okay with people you know, and those you love. Convey it as in "But anything else beyond hugging is not required." It was always more of a "Hello," "Goodbye," and "Thank you." not just randomly people hugging me when they felt like it. It was just deemed appropriate for those three things and only in relation to hugs. She still made me very aware of what is bad touching and what is good touching and that I'm in control of my body and I can say no to physical contact except for those three proper hugging examples with hey, bye, thanks. But I suppose not everyone can quite articulate and make that understandable as well as my mum can.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 10, 2016 22:29:25 GMT -5
It's usually the converse from what I've read. Forcing kids to hug tells them their body is not their own. That they can't say no to touching they don't want because it's rude and impolite. And that leads to women (and sometimes men) who don't want to be rude when a guy is touching them that they don't want to. Who after a while of being told to suck it up, keep sucking it up when new people want to touch them. That they don't know how to speak up when they don't want to be touched because they've been told to do it anyway their whole life. That instead they just stay paralyzed until it's over Not saying it's always that way, but it can be. That's the bad outcome of forcing physical contact on children. I mean I get that logic. But I've also seen the studies where children that have parents that never hug them, or children that never want to be hugged have had issues later on in life as well. I guess my mother was able to properly convey that "hugging" is okay with people you know, and those you love. Convey it as in "But anything else beyond hugging is not required." It was always more of a "Hello," "Goodbye," and "Thank you." not just randomly people hugging me when they felt like it. It was just deemed appropriate for those three things and only in relation to hugs. She still made me very aware of what is bad touching and what is good touching and that I'm in control of my body and I can say no to physical contact except for those three proper hugging examples with hey, bye, thanks. But I suppose not everyone can quite articulate and make that understandable as well as my mum can. I think there's a difference between children that refuse to hug across the board and some who refuse to hug certain people or just randomly decide that this day they don't want to hug someone. Then there's another layer of children not from traditional homes or have scarring backgrounds. It's not a one sized fit all directive. Though what is with children? But if this is a kid that normally hugs but says no to this one person I think their feeling should be validated and respected. If they normally hug their aunt but today they decide they don't want to, I think that decision should be validated and respected. I think it does then a disservice to tell them no, you don't get to choose, society/family expects you to do this so you damn well better. I think it teaches and reinforces that you have a right to say who and when someone touches you. I think it will help people listen to their instinct that says I should stay away from this person. I think it will help people realize that just because I let this person touch me in this manner yesterday it doesn't mean I owe it to them today.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 11, 2016 2:24:14 GMT -5
Just wondering, for discussion sake, at what age the kid's feelings take precedence over a relatives feelings? It's not a matter of age. Although, if one raises rational objections to hugging a particular relative (e.g. Uncle Pete smells bad, Aunt May hugs too hard, etc.) or, by teenagehood, avers that one doesn't like being hugged by relatives and has never liked it (based on at least 13 years of experience), exceptions can be made. Children are self-centered, timid, unwise, and generally not as concerned with courtesy as they ought to be. They're irrational and sheltered. Parents sometimes have to establish firm expectations and push kids to do things they don't want to do. By teenagehood, a child is transitioning from being parentally motivated to being self-motivated and has an established history on which to base the claim "I've never liked being hugged, and this isn't going to change", hence if hugging is still a big issue, it can be revisited at that point. As for "teaching girls to smile and take it", I don't know what world you live in where factors like context, type of touch, circumstances, etc. can't factor into the determination of "Is this permissible or not?", but it's not my world. My parents were quite explicit with their teaching. Hugging and kissing Aunt May on the cheek: OK. Kissing Aunt May on the lips: not OK. Holding a girl's hand I liked: OK. Kissing girl briefly in the doorway: OK. Taking girl into my room or her room, even without the intention of having sex: not OK. Fondling, groping, or "making out" with a girl: not OK. Friend slapping me on the back: OK. Friend stroking my face or side: not OK. And so on. This was coupled with the very serious admonition that if something was "not OK", it was not only my right but also my obligation to protest. Tactfully, if possible (e.g. "Whoa. Hey! Don't go there, buddy."); aggressively, when necessary (e.g. "Do that again and you'll lose your hand."). I was taught and expected to proactively avoid situations where I'd have to take a stand or others would have to take a stand against me, whenever possible. This involved strict but reasonable rules when dating, hanging out with friends, etc. And of course it went without saying that I wasn't to have sex with any woman besides my wife and soul mate, which simplified things considerably. I consider it a great blessing to be a part of a family where everybody hugs, kisses, pats each other on the back without incessantly asking for permission. I appreciate that my 3-year-old nephew can run up to me and hug my leg without me having to scold him about the rules of consent lest he become a rapist 15 years from now. YMMV.
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Spellbound454
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Post by Spellbound454 on Jun 11, 2016 3:54:19 GMT -5
I'm from a culture which hugs frequently..... and thinks nothing of it. ie....In celebration, relief, grief, greeting or departure of someone dear.... to show support or wish someone well. I've hugged and kissed my kids everyday of their lives. (...even the dog comes for a cuddle....so she likes that reassurance too) Its a close contact which lets you know that you are cared about. and sometimes, when you are down......a hug can make you feel better. Its normal in my world.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jun 11, 2016 9:02:55 GMT -5
I don't make my kids hug anyone they don't want to. They are in charge of their bodies - what they put in it, what they put on it, and who they let near it. This includes relatives, friends and even us. Me wanting a hug doesn't necessitate anyone else to give me one. The same is true of my kids.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 11, 2016 10:26:26 GMT -5
Oh bother. My family is a bunch of huggers too and we don't ask for permission every time. You open your arms and lean in to someone you normally hug and the usually open their arms and hug you. I've seen kids, and actually even adults, shy away from the hug, not open their arms and yet the person hugs them anyway even though their body language is screaming don't touch me.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 11, 2016 10:38:23 GMT -5
Just wondering, for discussion sake, at what age the kid's feelings take precedence over a relatives feelings? It's not a matter of age. Although, if one raises rational objections to hugging a particular relative (e.g. Uncle Pete smells bad, Aunt May hugs too hard, etc.) or, by teenagehood, avers that one doesn't like being hugged by relatives and has never liked it (based on at least 13 years of experience), exceptions can be made. Children are self-centered, timid, unwise, and generally not as concerned with courtesy as they ought to be. They're irrational and sheltered. Parents sometimes have to establish firm expectations and push kids to do things they don't want to do. By teenagehood, a child is transitioning from being parentally motivated to being self-motivated and has an established history on which to base the claim "I've never liked being hugged, and this isn't going to change", hence if hugging is still a big issue, it can be revisited at that point. As for "teaching girls to smile and take it", I don't know what world you live in where factors like context, type of touch, circumstances, etc. can't factor into the determination of "Is this permissible or not?", but it's not my world. My parents were quite explicit with their teaching. Hugging and kissing Aunt May on the cheek: OK. Kissing Aunt May on the lips: not OK. Holding a girl's hand I liked: OK. Kissing girl briefly in the doorway: OK. Taking girl into my room or her room, even without the intention of having sex: not OK. Fondling, groping, or "making out" with a girl: not OK. Friend slapping me on the back: OK. Friend stroking my face or side: not OK. And so on. This was coupled with the very serious admonition that if something was "not OK", it was not only my right but also my obligation to protest. Tactfully, if possible (e.g. "Whoa. Hey! Don't go there, buddy."); aggressively, when necessary (e.g. "Do that again and you'll lose your hand."). I was taught and expected to proactively avoid situations where I'd have to take a stand or others would have to take a stand against me, whenever possible. This involved strict but reasonable rules when dating, hanging out with friends, etc. And of course it went without saying that I wasn't to have sex with any woman besides my wife and soul mate, which simplified things considerably. I consider it a great blessing to be a part of a family where everybody hugs, kisses, pats each other on the back without incessantly asking for permission. I appreciate that my 3-year-old nephew can run up to me and hug my leg without me having to scold him about the rules of consent lest he become a rapist 15 years from now. YMMV. Wow!! I certainly hope that if you have children you don't convey that sentiment to them. What a horrible opinion you have of them
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jun 11, 2016 10:41:07 GMT -5
Just wondering, for discussion sake, at what age the kid's feelings take precedence over a relatives feelings? It's not a matter of age. Although, if one raises rational objections to hugging a particular relative (e.g. Uncle Pete smells bad, Aunt May hugs too hard, etc.) or, by teenagehood, avers that one doesn't like being hugged by relatives and has never liked it (based on at least 13 years of experience), exceptions can be made. Children are self-centered, timid, unwise, and generally not as concerned with courtesy as they ought to be. They're irrational and sheltered. Parents sometimes have to establish firm expectations and push kids to do things they don't want to do. By teenagehood, a child is transitioning from being parentally motivated to being self-motivated and has an established history on which to base the claim "I've never liked being hugged, and this isn't going to change", hence if hugging is still a big issue, it can be revisited at that point. As for "teaching girls to smile and take it", I don't know what world you live in where factors like context, type of touch, circumstances, etc. can't factor into the determination of "Is this permissible or not?", but it's not my world. My parents were quite explicit with their teaching. Hugging and kissing Aunt May on the cheek: OK. Kissing Aunt May on the lips: not OK. Holding a girl's hand I liked: OK. Kissing girl briefly in the doorway: OK. Taking girl into my room or her room, even without the intention of having sex: not OK. Fondling, groping, or "making out" with a girl: not OK. Friend slapping me on the back: OK. Friend stroking my face or side: not OK. And so on. This was coupled with the very serious admonition that if something was "not OK", it was not only my right but also my obligation to protest. Tactfully, if possible (e.g. "Whoa. Hey! Don't go there, buddy."); aggressively, when necessary (e.g. "Do that again and you'll lose your hand."). I was taught and expected to proactively avoid situations where I'd have to take a stand or others would have to take a stand against me, whenever possible. This involved strict but reasonable rules when dating, hanging out with friends, etc. And of course it went without saying that I wasn't to have sex with any woman besides my wife and soul mate, which simplified things considerably. I consider it a great blessing to be a part of a family where everybody hugs, kisses, pats each other on the back without incessantly asking for permission. I appreciate that my 3-year-old nephew can run up to me and hug my leg without me having to scold him about the rules of consent lest he become a rapist 15 years from now. YMMV. No one is saying you shouldn't accept hugs given freely from your nephew. But if you were engaged in something else, and said "not right now buddy" I assume you would also want him to respect that. All I'm saying is that in my house, a kid gets to say "not right now" too.
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whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 11, 2016 11:09:15 GMT -5
I guess I shouldn't be surprised after a decade here on YM, but I'll ask again - why go to extremes?
Not forcing your child to touch anyone they don't want, and not to be touched by people they don't want does not equal that the child lives in a cold, untouched world.
It simply means they have a choice.
I understand that if your view is that
then of course you think it's your job to teach them the way of the world. But I hope most people don't see their children as such horrible human beings.
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MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jun 11, 2016 12:58:21 GMT -5
I feel like if my mom hadn't forced me to hug anyone growing up I'd never had hugged literally anyone including her. No offense but to me that says more about you than it does about her. Me not wanting to be hugged by every person claiming to be family doesn't mean I don't welcome hugs and kisses from close friends and family members. I posted about this a few years ago but I worked with a chronic toucher (she retired in January). She would fix my shirt tag, put her hand on my back and rub it sometimes, hug me.... She could tell I didn't like it but she did it anyway. I shouldn't have had to deal with that but I did because what? I'd go to my boss and say "X keeps touching me and I don't want her to?" she grew up in that "everybody hugs" environment so I guess that excuses it.
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