When your co-workers want to change your hairstyle ... WDYD?

[obelisk]

May 17, 2016 20:02:30 GMT -5 Opti said:

May 17, 2016 18:35:37 GMT -5 whoami said:

I'm about as high maintenance as they come when it comes to hair but even I am not "always" in the salon chair.

A box of hair dye is $10 and a haircut at Great Clips is $15.  As long as you aren't going more than 1-2 shades lighter or darker, roots shouldn't be a huge issue.  They even have hair dye for roots only...about 6 bucks.  

The fact that this seems to have come up in a big enough way that they are taking up a collection for you tells me you better figure out a way to get it together and project a more professional image.  You are not representing the company in a positive way and you may find yourself shown the door.  

You are misreading the situation. Its not about "projecting" a professional image. They did not just up and take a collection. I just wished out loud one day recently that I wished I could get my hair cut and colored as well while I was handling some of our beauty salon paperwork.

According to one of the higher-ups who my boss said was giving financially to the cause painted it in a totally different light. She said I was the first one to win the XYZ award. I have no idea what the truth is. Things are in flux here. Try not to project on me simply because I am 56 with long hair.

TY in advance.

Thank you for the update. According to you will be next in line with full time employment based on a duue. I wish you the best in your endeavors.

[whoami]

May 17, 2016 20:02:30 GMT -5 Opti said:

May 17, 2016 18:35:37 GMT -5 whoami said:

I'm about as high maintenance as they come when it comes to hair but even I am not "always" in the salon chair.

A box of hair dye is $10 and a haircut at Great Clips is $15.  As long as you aren't going more than 1-2 shades lighter or darker, roots shouldn't be a huge issue.  They even have hair dye for roots only...about 6 bucks.  

The fact that this seems to have come up in a big enough way that they are taking up a collection for you tells me you better figure out a way to get it together and project a more professional image.  You are not representing the company in a positive way and you may find yourself shown the door.  

You are misreading the situation. Its not about "projecting" a professional image. They did not just up and take a collection. I just wished out loud one day recently that I wished I could get my hair cut and colored as well while I was handling some of our beauty salon paperwork.

According to one of the higher-ups who my boss said was giving financially to the cause painted it in a totally different light. She said I was the first one to win the XYZ award. I have no idea what the truth is. Things are in flux here. Try not to project on me simply because I am 56 with long hair.

TY in advance.

LOL....yeah ok.  

[MJ2.0]

May 18, 2016 6:32:00 GMT -5 whoami said:

May 17, 2016 20:02:30 GMT -5 Opti said:

You are misreading the situation. Its not about "projecting" a professional image. They did not just up and take a collection. I just wished out loud one day recently that I wished I could get my hair cut and colored as well while I was handling some of our beauty salon paperwork.

According to one of the higher-ups who my boss said was giving financially to the cause painted it in a totally different light. She said I was the first one to win the XYZ award. I have no idea what the truth is. Things are in flux here. Try not to project on me simply because I am 56 with long hair.

TY in advance.

LOL....yeah ok.  

Just smile and nod.

[gs11rmb]

I'm sure I'll get some flak for this ....

I think long hair that is streaked with grey looks really 'witchy'.  I suggest if you don't want to color it, then you should cut it much shorter. I've been going grey since I was 20 (I'm now 42) and I get it cut and colored professionally every six months or so.  In the intervening months, I touch up the roots myself for about $9. 

Also, my hair is really difficult.  When it's super long it is full of curls but I'm too old to have hair all the way down my back, it makes me look as if I'm trying to still be 25.  It's about shoulder length right now and rather than curls, it's just a mess of fuzz so I flat iron it smooth.  There's no way I have time to do that in the morning, so I always shower and wash my hair at night.  I just brush it through the next day.

You do seem like a nice person that's found yourself 'stuck in a rut' over the last few years.  As hard as it may be to face, there is a possibility that your appearance is holding you back.  Good luck and best wishes for whatever you choose to do with your hair.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Opti, google "hairstyles for women over 50" (or whatever age you are) and you'll get some good ideas.  I saw some nice up-dos/buns that would give you a look of authority that could be a nice complement to the younger staff.  Look for the softer (i.e., not the severe tight buns) but not the sexy, tendril styles.  

If you did a professional up-do, you could keep the longer hair but still look more polished.  

[whoami]

May 18, 2016 7:30:58 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

May 18, 2016 6:32:00 GMT -5 whoami said:

LOL....yeah ok.  

Just smile and nod.

Isnt this how these threads typically go?

Question posed.
Relative board consensus which is usually diametrically opposed to what OP wants to hear.
Board told they have no idea what they are talking about.
Thread locked.

[Opti]

I have to stay away from the negative turn this is taken, so I'll be avoiding this thread while I am sick and probably will not resurrect when my hair is done next week or so.

FWIW, I wear a low ponytail. Its not the most attractive, but it keeps hair out of my eyes. Sometimes I do wear it down, but only on slow days, when I don't need to spin around in my desk chair from the phone, to visitors, to running for an administrator, etc.

badspot.us/img/PonytailTheory.GIF

lawyerist.com/27527/ponytails-office-hairstyle-professional/

[Opti]

May 18, 2016 11:56:36 GMT -5 whoami said:

May 18, 2016 7:30:58 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Just smile and nod.

Isnt this how these threads typically go?

Question posed.
Relative board consensus which is usually diametrically opposed to what OP wants to hear.
Board told they have no idea what they are talking about.
Thread locked.

Kind of. OP asks a Q about  what to do politically at work, because she is not going to get short hair. Posters who disagree with the decision then have  to make the thread about what they want it to be about.

Poster, we don't like you. Cut your damn hair short.

QED

What, you got the the thread locked whoami? Huh.

[yogiii]

In general a low, long ponytail doesn't look very good. It actually looks like it belongs on a pony. Even if you don't want to cut your hair, some sort of up-do, like a low ponytail twisted up would be a big improvement.

[MJ2.0]

If you are so unwilling to listen to actually helpful suggestions, why bother posing questions? Why waste any of our time?

[Green Eyed Lady]

You asked a question and you specifically asked for opinions. You were given some serious answers that were in line with your budget and not being able to visit the salon often. It then became the typical "why I can't do that" discussion. You state how you want your hair to be. Others have told you why that isn't a good idea. As I stated in my post, I know my hair isn't the best cut for a woman over 40. I don't much care what others think. But then, I wouldn't have started a thread asking for opinions either. If you don't want people to respond with anything other than "Whatever you think is best, Opti.", you are in the wrong place and should probably stop making threads asking for opinions. This is a tough crowd.. That ain't gonna happen.

[midjd]

Kind of. OP asks a Q about what to do politically at work, because she is not going to get short hair. Posters who disagree with the decision then have to make the thread about what they want it to be about.



Poster, we don't like you. Cut your damn hair short.

QED

Not quite. I'm sorry you feel the reaction to your threads is because posters don't like you. I don't think that's the case, but it is frustrating when any poster solicits opinions and then proceeds to tell everyone why they're wrong. 

If you work a public-facing job and yourself admit that your look is "not the most attractive," and you have been passed over for promotion multiple times, and now have coworkers/supervisors who are willing to pay out of their own pockets for you to get your hair professionally cut and styled, there's a little more nuance to the situation than just "let's do something nice for Opti."

I agree with the others that it's definitely an awkward request, and I'd be put off too, but don't let that stand in the way of potentially moving ahead in your job. It sounds like your current look is not working for you on a number of levels. 

[Green Eyed Lady]

May 18, 2016 12:02:30 GMT -5 Opti said:

May 18, 2016 11:56:36 GMT -5 whoami said:

Isnt this how these threads typically go?

Question posed.
Relative board consensus which is usually diametrically opposed to what OP wants to hear.
Board told they have no idea what they are talking about.
Thread locked.

Kind of. OP asks a Q about  what to do politically at work, because she is not going to get short hair. Posters who disagree with the decision then have  to make the thread about what they want it to be about.

Poster, we don't like you. Cut your damn hair short.

QED

What, you got the the thread locked whoami? Huh.

That's not true at all, Opti.  At least for me.   I "don't like" maybe two posters here and you are definitely not one of them.  For me, its more a case of the fact that "my way or the highway" is not working out for you, yet you insist it's the best way.  You seem very stressed out and sick often.  If others are like me, they'd like to make suggestions to your specific requests that may make the situation better for you.  It's you that throws it all back in our faces with a "thanks for nothing" attitude.

I wish you nothing but the best.  I know it's out there for you.  That's not going to happen if you quit refusing to change what isn't working.

[Deleted]

What is the downside to getting what your coworkers suggest? How long to get back to where you are at now?

[zibazinski]

I got my hair cut shorter, much, for summer and travel. To my horror I look like my mother in pictures. I'll be growing it back out now.

[raeoflyte]

I really like my long hair. At what age is it unacceptable to have long hair, and how long is considered too long?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Low pony tails aren't a professional look for someone who is facing customers.   Especially when you have long hair.   It's a very casual style that you'd wear going to the grocery store or to the gym.

If you are adamant about not changing the length then you can at least change how you style your hair.   Google "professional styles for long hair" and you should get hundreds of hits. You could get even more specific and say "professional styles for long curly hair"  It will cost you nothing outside of a few hours in front of a mirror practicing.

I'm sorry that you seem to feel like you are being picked on whenever you do not get an answer you want to hear.   It's an unusual enough situation that personally I would sit up and listen to what they may be trying to tell me.   Especially since every other thread you post is about how you aren't getting any hours or a promotion.    Maybe if you took their offer you'd get what you want.

[mmhmm]

If you don't want to cut your hair shorter, you might try a double pony tail (one high, one low) with each tail loosely braided then wrapped together in the back. I've done that with mine and it worked well. Doesn't take long to do, either. Attractive combs help to hold the hair in place.

[MJ2.0]

May 18, 2016 12:39:03 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I really like my long hair. At what age is it unacceptable to have long hair, and how long is considered too long?

I think it has to do more with your hair texture than actual age.

[zibazinski]

May 18, 2016 12:39:03 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I really like my long hair. At what age is it unacceptable to have long hair, and how long is considered too long?

Also, probably what job you have

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

May 18, 2016 12:39:03 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I really like my long hair. At what age is it unacceptable to have long hair, and how long is considered too long?

I don't think any age is inappropriate for long hair IMO.

I think how you style it is what has to change.

And no matter what you hair cut you still have to maintain a professional image if you are customer facing.   I think they are trying to hint that the OP's style is not projecting the image they want for the company.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

May 18, 2016 11:59:59 GMT -5 Opti said:

I have to stay away from the negative turn this is taken, so I'll be avoiding this thread while I am sick and probably will not resurrect when my hair is done next week or so.

FWIW, I wear a low ponytail. Its not the most attractive, but it keeps hair out of my eyes. Sometimes I do wear it down, but only on slow days, when I don't need to spin around in my desk chair from the phone, to visitors, to running for an administrator, etc.

badspot.us/img/PonytailTheory.GIF

lawyerist.com/27527/ponytails-office-hairstyle-professional/

Okay, I understand you were trying to explain your reasoning for wearing your hair in a low ponytail.  

I also think I have offered supportive hairstyle suggestions.  Nothing I posted was negative or an insult.  I'm in my 50s.  I'm beginning to look like I'm in my 50s (probably have since I was 40 but denial is a powerful thing, LOL).  I'm trying to buy dresses for some upcoming functions and having to intentionally steer myself away from "cute" dresses because "cute" isn't the right look for me anymore.  I certainly don't need something matronly, but cute doesn't cut it either.  There are so few options for that wide span between cute and matronly.  And I don't want to/can't spend a ton of money.  So, I genuinely understand wanting to be yourself but not seeing yourself in the world around you.

I have long admired your perseverance and optimism, Opti, while struggling with underemployment and very low income.  Sometimes, the cards are stacked against us and it is really difficult to make headway.  You are a fighter, Opti, and I commend you for it.

But, I feel compelled to say that I personally think posting a graphic that calls women who wear a top-of-the-head ponytail "retarded" doesn't reflect the Opti I've come to "know" over the years.  I think in the right situations, that style is very appropriate, and doesn't reflect the wearer's intelligence.  (I also think using the term "retarded" to define folks who do have low cognitive skills is hurtful, but I digress.)

You said -- out loud -- that you wished you could go to a beauty salon.  You are being given that chance.  Use it to its fullest.  Get a cut and a style and take advantage of this generous opportunity.  Hair grows out, so if you hate the look, you can go back to your low ponytail.  In fact, a longer bob or shoulder length hair in a low ponytail turned under is very polished and professional, so you can have a new look AND still be you.  My point is, change can be, and often, is, a good thing.  Try to find ways to look at opportunities as a positive experience and not just from the future cost perspective.  A fresh look can do wonders for one's mood and thereby open one up to even more opportunity.  Take this one and run with it, girl!!!!

[raeoflyte]

May 18, 2016 12:43:00 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

May 18, 2016 12:39:03 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I really like my long hair. At what age is it unacceptable to have long hair, and how long is considered too long?

I think it has to do more with your hair texture than actual age.

That's my take too.  I'm thinking of getting a brazillian blowout to help with my own hair and hopefully cut down on what I have to do in the morning.  The cost though.  

[gs11rmb]

May 18, 2016 12:44:41 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

May 18, 2016 12:39:03 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I really like my long hair. At what age is it unacceptable to have long hair, and how long is considered too long?

I don't think any age is inappropriate for long hair IMO.

I think how you style it is what has to change.

And no matter what you hair cut you still have to maintain a professional image if you are customer facing.   I think they are trying to hint that the OP's style is not projecting the image they want for the company.

I'm not so sure. Really long hair on women in their 40s and older starts to look a little odd to me.  I think of long hair as a very youthful style and on middle-aged and older women it actually seems to age them somewhat.  I'm not talking about hair below the shoulders but hair that's almost waist length.

[milee]

May 18, 2016 13:16:27 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

May 18, 2016 12:44:41 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I don't think any age is inappropriate for long hair IMO.

I think how you style it is what has to change.

And no matter what you hair cut you still have to maintain a professional image if you are customer facing.   I think they are trying to hint that the OP's style is not projecting the image they want for the company.

I'm not so sure. Really long hair on women in their 40s and older starts to look a little odd to me.  I think of long hair as a very youthful style and on middle-aged and older women it actually seems to age them somewhat.  I'm not talking about hair below the shoulders but hair that's almost waist length.

Personal opinion only, but I don't think hair that's almost waist length looks good on pretty much anybody no matter how old they are. 

But everybody likes different things.  I don't think there's necessarily an age where long hair is not appropriate.  It's more about how well it's cared for and styled IMHO.  The pictures of Meryl Streep and Barbra Streisand are good examples of that - both look terrific because their hair is nicely cared for and styled.  Young women can sometimes get away with and look OK with unstyled long hair because their overall look is fresh and carefree.  Harder to pull off as we age, so the same look that was fantastic on us at 20 can make us look like a bag lady at 40 because the kinks, frizz and flyaways aren't fitting with a "cute" vibe anymore and are seen as being unkempt.  Unfair, but true.

I don't think older women have to have short hair, I just think many of them do it because they can care for it more easily and they look better in it than they do long, unkempt styles.  Similar with coloring.  I know many older women who look fantastic with their grey or white hair.  So it's not like older women have to dye their hair to look good. 

Undyed, long hair that is nicely styled will always look better than any length hair that has a line of different colored roots and/or is not styled... but the differences are more noticeable on older women.  When younger women let their hair go, it can look cutely fresh; when an older woman lets her hair go, she looks like (to quote another poster) a witch.    Unfair, but true. 

As we get older, looking good is more about looking cared for than having a particular hair cut or color.

[Peace Of Mind]

May 17, 2016 14:23:06 GMT -5 yogiii said:

You can't go wrong with long layers

So this!!! ^^^ So I'm quoting it so it stands out for a second time.   Such a great hair style for women of any age as the overall length can be longer, middle, shorter. 

From what Opti described her hair issues (being naturally wavy) I think she needs to get a good round brush (or whatever people use today) and blow it straighter/less wavy so it looks tame/softer.  You can do this after your hair is dry.  I knew a girl at work many moons ago who'd let her hair dry and then take the brush and blow it into a cute/soft shape in the bathroom at work.  It would turn out gorgeous in only a few minutes of her time!

Apologies if that's not one of the issues.

As somebody who cuts and colors my own  hair it's impossible to screw up coloring your own hair today.  All you do is mix the two bottles together, shake it up, and squirt it on.  Do a test prior to doing the entire head to see how long you want to keep it on for the color you like.   I prefer Preference and sometimes I use Nice and Easy.  I save a fortune and my hair is probably the only thing that looks good these days since that's most of the compliments I get. <<gives MJ the stink eye>>  It does too look good!   LOL!

Optimist - when you go to get it done professionally just explain you are on a tight budget and the colorist/stylist will tell you what to buy that is close to the color they gave you - if  you like it.

I'll be growing it back out now.

I loved your long hair and it looked great on you.  Didn't care much for the shorter blunt cut you had.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

They have tons of great inexpensive frizz products on the market too.   I've been happy with Head & Shoulders shine spray and John Frieda's anti-frizz.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

May 18, 2016 13:55:53 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

May 17, 2016 14:23:06 GMT -5 yogiii said:

You can't go wrong with long layers

So this!!! ^^^ So I'm quoting it so it stands out for a second time.   Such a great hair style for women of any age as the overall length can be longer, middle, shorter. 

From what Opti described her hair issues (being naturally wavy) I think she needs to get a good round brush (or whatever people use today) and blow it straighter/less wavy so it looks tame/softer.  You can do this after your hair is dry.  I knew a girl at work many moons ago who'd let her hair dry and then take the brush and blow it into a cute/soft shape in the bathroom at work.  It would turn out gorgeous in only a few minutes of her time!

Apologies if that's not one of the issues.

As somebody who cuts and colors my own  hair it's impossible to screw up coloring your own hair today.  All you do is mix the two bottles together, shake it up, and squirt it on.  Do a test prior to doing the entire head to see how long you want to keep it on for the color you like.   I prefer Preference and sometimes I use Nice and Easy.  I save a fortune and my hair is probably the only thing that looks good these days since that's most of the compliments I get. <<gives MJ the stink eye>>  It does too look good!   LOL!

Optimist - when you go to get it done professionally just explain you are on a tight budget and the colorist/stylist will tell you what to buy that is close to the color they gave you - if  you like it.

Another thing she can do is have at it with a flat iron.  My sister talked me into one and it does not take a lot of effort to make hair that is out of control controlled.  As I've gotten older, my hair has gone from stick straight to bendy (not going to say wavy as it's not even close to that!).  If I don't get it dried straight, a few licks with a flat iron will do the job.

My hairdresser told me how to dye my hair.  His advice was not to go far from your natural color.  I alternate 2 different shades up from my dirty blonde.  The other thing he suggested is to not dye the entire strand, but to only do the root.  Some dye does wind up going down the strand, but it gives it more of a textured color, not totally flat (badly dyed hair will be one flat color and you can really tell).  My new hairdresser was quite impressed as to how natural it looks, and told me she really couldn't do any better herself.

I do Nice and Easy too, and not on sale it runs about $7/box.  I used to be able to regularly get it on sale for $4, but $6 has been about the best I've been able to do recently.  I dye about every 6 weeks.

[quince]

I've done long hair in a low pony tail forever, and I have wavy hair, though it is heavy enough to pull itself straight when long.  I know it's not professional, I've never given a fuck because it is EASY. Brush, pony, done. I'd shave it for less work except that has to be maintained.  I won't dye my hair, ever, either. No one while I was working cared enough about my hair to not offer me raises or promotions. 

I DID cut my hair, shoulder length with long layers. It IS more work, because now it is obviously wavy. Some layers are too short to tie up. It's a bit of a mess if I don't put product in while it's wet. Husband thought I got a perm the first time he saw me with it because it's always been long enough to weigh down the curl.  Since I don't work at the moment, I only bother to style it when I have the time.

Next time I'm employed, I need to work to get into programming, because people care a bit more about appearance in CA, from what I can tell.  Tech seems to be an exception- spouse can go into work wearing Crocs and stubble. 

[Green Eyed Lady]

I use Feria by L'Oreal.  Or did when I was coloring. If I go back, I'll use it again. I have very "porous" hair - whatever that means.  Color fades terribly quickly, leaving a dishwater dead color.  Feria lasts longer than anything I've tried.