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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2016 11:00:34 GMT -5
What's your take on people that always complain how busy they are? (Sometimes I feel they think I don't have a life.)
A group of female friends meet once a month for a girl's night out (dinner and a couple of drinks). The first Wednesday of the month at the same place. That way we don't have to "organize" a get together. Same place, same time . . . .
There are a couple that seem to be "OMG I CAN'T MAKE IT! I AM TOO BUSY!!" Okay, fine, don't go then.
I think it is a matter of priorities.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Apr 5, 2016 11:38:55 GMT -5
Yes, it's a matter of priorities but I also think some people don't know how to say "no". Instead they agree to every event and occasion that comes up for fear of hurting feelings. Not me. "No" is a full sentence. "No, thank you" is better, but either one works.
Also, I think some people project themselves to be "soooo busy!" because they think it makes them look important and/or popular. Granted, some people ARE busier than others, but some people just bring it on themselves.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Apr 5, 2016 11:39:59 GMT -5
I think it is a matter of priorities.
Yep ...... Do they ever show up? If they never show up, then they are outside that particular bit of entertainment. Just keep the door open but don't expect anything. I'm old fashioned. In my earlier years I had never heard of 'girls night out'. After work was hubby and family time. Just never thought of going out with my friends. Even now at my age (74) I'm uncomfortable on going out without DH.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 5, 2016 11:40:32 GMT -5
I'm a single working mom with a demanding career who is also dipping her toe back into the dating world. My time is limited so I choose what I want to do very wisely. I also don't want to be gone every night that I don't have the kids. And I try to do all of my chores, bills, errands when I don't have the kids so I can focus on them when I have them with me.
So yes, there are plenty of times I decline invites because I'm too busy. I guess that really means I'm too busy for the person asking me and I would rather spend my time doing x,y, or z. But I have found that now that I'm single I get invited to a LOT of outings. Not sure if it is because my ex was a douche an no one wanted to be around him or because everyone thinks I need to be occupied. But enough with the invites, dammit
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2016 11:42:57 GMT -5
I have a problem making it to bimonthly girls night meet ups. I'm just a serious introvert that has to be involved in all kinds of kids stuff all week, plus work, plus the house. When there is a night when I don't have anything lined up it's this huge relief that I can finally go home and crash on the couch and watch Netflix and eat ice cream. Going out, while a FUN thing, can seem like just another chore. I do find that if I force myself to go I enjoy myself.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 5, 2016 11:46:16 GMT -5
I have a problem making it to bimonthly girls night meet ups. I'm just a serious introvert that has to be involved in all kinds of kids stuff all week, plus work, plus the house. When there is a night when I don't have anything lined up it's this huge relief that I can finally go home and crash on the couch and watch Netflix and eat ice cream. Going out, while a FUN thing, can seem like just another chore. I do find that if I force myself to go I enjoy myself. I'm an extrovert and I feel the same way! I love going out and having fun but I just never seem to get "me" time.
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lexxy703
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Post by lexxy703 on Apr 5, 2016 11:52:28 GMT -5
My bff is always complaining about how tired she is & how much she has to do. Her children are grown, she doesn't cook dinner, her house isn't all that big & she has a cleaning service. I can't for the life of me figure out what all she has to do.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Apr 5, 2016 12:26:08 GMT -5
What's your take on people that always complain how busy they are? (Sometimes I feel they think I don't have a life.) I think they may have very 'full' lives - or else they are spending a lot of time doing 'busy work'. It is all about priorities and people these days have a lot of things available to do. It really sucks when you have 3 or 4 top priority things and you can only do 1 or 2 of them. Yeah, I know not everything can be a top priority - but these days I keep running into the problem when I literally have 2 or 3 Top Priority things that fall on the same day... There's only one of me. I feel stressed from having to choose what to do. I think the response to of "too busy" is just the social thing where you need an excuse. You just can't say "No, thank you. I can't make it". You need to give an excuse. And no one really wants to use the excuse of "I have to be home Wednesday night to try to catch up on all the stuff that didn't happen over the weekend: Laundry, housework, see the spouse, kid stuff, work late, just sit down for a few minutes, etc...
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Apr 5, 2016 12:26:19 GMT -5
I try to take into account where people are in their life cycle. We have friends who have an 18 month old and a 1 month old. We still invite them to things, but for the most part, they are "too busy" to attend. Because yeah, they have 2 kids under 2. Even if they aren't busy, getting the whole family out of the house can sometimes be impossible. I don't hold that against them.
We're not the "too busy" people. We have friends who are - who just about every minute of their days is planned out. To do things with those people, we get on their calendars literally a month in advance. However, if something big comes up kind of last minute (two weekends ago, there was a last minute surprise graduation/you got a job party for a close friend - his wife gave us all about a week's notice), everyone rearranges things to make it.
I accept that if someone is "too busy" it is that they are too busy for me. It is about priorities. And that is fine. I do not need to be everyone's priority. In fact, outside of my husband, I do not expect to be anyone's priority, and even with my husband, I am not always the top priority because there's the kid.
I do my best to know and communicate my priorities to the other people it matters to, and do my best to accept other people's priorities.
And this totally reminds me that I need to go find an eVite invitation I life for the bridal shower I'm helping plan, because when you appoint yourself someone's maid of honor, you should not then find yourself "too busy" to do those duties.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 5, 2016 12:29:34 GMT -5
My bff is always complaining about how tired she is & how much she has to do. Her children are grown, she doesn't cook dinner, her house isn't all that big & she has a cleaning service. I can't for the life of me figure out what all she has to do. Tell her that I will gladly trade places with her.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 5, 2016 12:45:12 GMT -5
I think it is a matter of priorities.
Yep ...... Do they ever show up? If they never show up, then they are outside that particular bit of entertainment. Just keep the door open but don't expect anything. I'm old fashioned. In my earlier years I had never heard of 'girls night out'. After work was hubby and family time. Just never thought of going out with my friends. Even now at my age (74) I'm uncomfortable on going out without DH. I don't do this either. It is families gathering or nothing. However my other girls are doing it but none of them have husbands as a good conversational material. I think there is a key. They need to let it out but hubby just wants to read a paper or gone fishing.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Apr 5, 2016 12:49:05 GMT -5
There are many times I feel like I am doing life incorrectly. I don't know where most of my friends have the time or money to do the things they do. I work M-F. I am out of the house at 7:30 and home between 5:30 and 6:00. We get dinner ready, baths for the kids, bedtime stories, clean up the kitchen and house. That stuff is done by 8:30 or 9:00. If I am feeling for it I exercise, watch a show or two and go to bed. On weekend, I do work around the house. No I don't have time to golf, take a day off to go the brewery, go out for beers after work, start brewing my own beer (my friends have lots of beer related activities...), join a basketball league, or softball league, coach my kid's soccer team, join a band, etc, etc, etc Yes I can do things sometimes, but not too often or it is not fair to my wife.
I am doing something wrong. Something terribly wrong.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 5, 2016 12:51:20 GMT -5
I'm a single working mom with a demanding career who is also dipping her toe back into the dating world. My time is limited so I choose what I want to do very wisely. I also don't want to be gone every night that I don't have the kids. And I try to do all of my chores, bills, errands when I don't have the kids so I can focus on them when I have them with me.
So yes, there are plenty of times I decline invites because I'm too busy. I guess that really means I'm too busy for the person asking me and I would rather spend my time doing x,y, or z. But I have found that now that I'm single I get invited to a LOT of outings. Not sure if it is because my ex was a douche an no one wanted to be around him or because everyone thinks I need to be occupied. But enough with the invites, dammit I've lost friends due to the 'inability' to socialize due to us having a business that was demanding and tiring. For both of us gatherings with friends were exhausting. We would rather come home, eat in front of TV and collapse. Friends didn't get it, they thought we became snobs. But honestly when your mind is preoccupied with running of the business - I don't really care about your new blouse nor I wish to go out and sit there wasting much needed $50 on food I have a full fridge of. Yes, some people are THAT busy. And others needs to just tell them 'there is a party, come if you feeling like it'...and LET US BREATHE...
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 5, 2016 12:55:10 GMT -5
There are many times I feel like I am doing life incorrectly. I don't know where most of my friends have the time or money to do the things they do. I work M-F. I am out of the house at 7:30 and home between 5:30 and 6:00. We get dinner ready, baths for the kids, bedtime stories, clean up the kitchen and house. That stuff is done by 8:30 or 9:00. If I am feeling for it I exercise, watch a show or two and go to bed. On weekend, I do work around the house. No I don't have time to golf, take a day off to go the brewery, go out for beers after work, start brewing my own beer (my friends have lots of beer related activities...), join a basketball league, or softball league, coach my kid's soccer team, join a band, etc, etc, etc Yes I can do things sometimes, but not too often or it is not fair to my wife. I am doing something wrong. Something terribly wrong. Exactly! Same! With you! Like where do you get all this finances for entertainment weekly? Movie alone is a bank breaker! ARE YOU AN ALIEN Because on this planet we CAN'T DO THAT!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 5, 2016 12:59:30 GMT -5
What's your take on people that always complain how busy they are? (Sometimes I feel they think I don't have a life.)
A group of female friends meet once a month for a girl's night out (dinner and a couple of drinks). The first Wednesday of the month at the same place. That way we don't have to "organize" a get together. Same place, same time . . . .
There are a couple that seem to be "OMG I CAN'T MAKE IT! I AM TOO BUSY!!" Okay, fine, don't go then.
I think it is a matter of priorities.
A question. Do you all friends expect every friend to be available on that particular day? Isn't there possibility that person has no desire on that particular day (even agreed upon) to feel like not going?
And then you saying 'Okay, fine, don't go then'... Than why is this post if there is no problem with not going? What are you trying to find out? Group meeting is not an Army. Even Sex In The City girls where sometimes having a treesome.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Apr 5, 2016 13:05:23 GMT -5
The people I know who are truly busy are those with their own businesses. I know for a fact they are working most weekends. They are also members of various boards, have kids, etc. Honestly, I don't know how they do it all. I never really hear them talk about how busy they are, you just know because they are always seen doing something as part of the community.
On the other hand, the people who are always "talking" about being so busy don't seem that busy at all. They are constantly posting crap on FB such as bible quotes, cat videos, pictures of food, etc. One person I know posts on FB about once an hour. Every other post talks about how busy she is... yeah, well get off of FB and that would free up about 12 hours a day for you - LOL!
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Apr 5, 2016 13:12:34 GMT -5
My bff is always complaining about how tired she is & how much she has to do. Her children are grown, she doesn't cook dinner, her house isn't all that big & she has a cleaning service. I can't for the life of me figure out what all she has to do. I find that with some people, what little they do have to do can be expanded to fill an entire day. It's almost like they are afraid to have free time because, well, then, they would have to choose/find something to do -- that's alot of pressure.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Apr 5, 2016 13:26:09 GMT -5
Most people I know who claim to be busy all the time are busy because of their own decisions and things they control. They don't necessarily own businesses, have jobs that have them working 50+ hours a week or run a household with kids they just fill their time with a lot of things that fall in the want and not need category. They're generally the loudest voice when it comes to people who talk about how busy they are and they always seem stressed out because they're never just relaxing it's going from one scheduled item to another. Some of me being "busy" is me sitting on my ass relaxing. I turn down invitations to do things because sometimes after a long day or week of work I just want to decompress and recharge. One of my fiancees friends is the epitome of the "oversharing on social media and always busy" people who is her own worst enemy. She shares way too much online and that's her deal but the problem is there's nothing she keeps to herself. Rather than setting personal goals you don't tell everyone about she constantly falls short of her goals after making a big deal about it online beforehand.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 5, 2016 13:26:56 GMT -5
There are many times I feel like I am doing life incorrectly. I don't know where most of my friends have the time or money to do the things they do. I work M-F. I am out of the house at 7:30 and home between 5:30 and 6:00. We get dinner ready, baths for the kids, bedtime stories, clean up the kitchen and house. That stuff is done by 8:30 or 9:00. If I am feeling for it I exercise, watch a show or two and go to bed. On weekend, I do work around the house. No I don't have time to golf, take a day off to go the brewery, go out for beers after work, start brewing my own beer (my friends have lots of beer related activities...), join a basketball league, or softball league, coach my kid's soccer team, join a band, etc, etc, etc Yes I can do things sometimes, but not too often or it is not fair to my wife. I am doing something wrong. Something terribly wrong. Or maybe you're doing something very right.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Apr 5, 2016 13:56:11 GMT -5
Shoot, I can't even go to my stitching club anymore. Once a month, for an hour and a half. Why? Work.
We ARE busy now. Season of life and all that. Choosing to have alternative priorities does not jive with our parenting philosophy.
I really only have time to nurture one relationship besides my relationship with my kids. I'd like it to be my marriage.
I, personally don't like "girls night" and "girl talk." I missed that gene. I've tried girl talk, and I don't like it.
I'm also a firm believer that there are things others won't ever really understand until they actually go through it. One of my friends has dropped me within the past year. She gave birth at 22 weeks and now has a child with significant health issues. Rather than be upset that I lost a friend, I remember how grateful I am that my kids are healthy.
When people ask about the kids, I do talk to them about what is going on. The usual response is "My you are busy!" And I usually say "Yes. It's a good busy. You remember those days." I try to not complain too much about not having enough hours in the day.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2016 13:59:32 GMT -5
What's your take on people that always complain how busy they are? (Sometimes I feel they think I don't have a life.)
A group of female friends meet once a month for a girl's night out (dinner and a couple of drinks). The first Wednesday of the month at the same place. That way we don't have to "organize" a get together. Same place, same time . . . .
There are a couple that seem to be "OMG I CAN'T MAKE IT! I AM TOO BUSY!!" Okay, fine, don't go then.
I think it is a matter of priorities.
A question. Do you all friends expect every friend to be available on that particular day? Isn't there possibility that person has no desire on that particular day (even agreed upon) to feel like not going?
And then you saying 'Okay, fine, don't go then'... Than why is this post if there is no problem with not going? What are you trying to find out? Group meeting is not an Army. Even Sex In The City girls where sometimes having a treesome.
I guess what irked me was when we knew most of the group could not be there, but friend B told me "I'll be there so make sure you show up." It would be just the two of us. I showed up and friend B never made it. She was too busy. I left work and gave up overtime. Stupid on my part.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 5, 2016 14:01:53 GMT -5
There are many times I feel like I am doing life incorrectly. I don't know where most of my friends have the time or money to do the things they do. I work M-F. I am out of the house at 7:30 and home between 5:30 and 6:00. We get dinner ready, baths for the kids, bedtime stories, clean up the kitchen and house. That stuff is done by 8:30 or 9:00. If I am feeling for it I exercise, watch a show or two and go to bed. On weekend, I do work around the house. No I don't have time to golf, take a day off to go the brewery, go out for beers after work, start brewing my own beer (my friends have lots of beer related activities...), join a basketball league, or softball league, coach my kid's soccer team, join a band, etc, etc, etc Yes I can do things sometimes, but not too often or it is not fair to my wife. I am doing something wrong. Something terribly wrong. Or maybe you're doing something very right. Yeah...like his head need a bigger size!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 5, 2016 14:06:21 GMT -5
I am feeling that member of this group(s) don't give a damn about each other and should be doing whatever they are doing and not to think how to get out of these meetings no one but OP apparently wants to attend. If someone doesn't want to meet - they shouldn't be forced! Again, it is not an Army! You are civilians there who aren't to civil.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2016 14:09:35 GMT -5
I am feeling that member of this group(s) don't give a damn about each other and should be doing whatever they are doing and not to think how to get out of these meetings no one but OP apparently wants to attend. If someone doesn't want to meet - they shouldn't be forced! Again, it is not an Army! You are civilians there who aren't to civil. Or don't say they will be there and not show up. That's not cool.
I told two of the girls that I cannot be there this time. Common courtesy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2016 14:10:02 GMT -5
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Apr 5, 2016 14:11:58 GMT -5
There are many times I feel like I am doing life incorrectly. I don't know where most of my friends have the time or money to do the things they do. I work M-F. I am out of the house at 7:30 and home between 5:30 and 6:00. We get dinner ready, baths for the kids, bedtime stories, clean up the kitchen and house. That stuff is done by 8:30 or 9:00. If I am feeling for it I exercise, watch a show or two and go to bed. On weekend, I do work around the house. No I don't have time to golf, take a day off to go the brewery, go out for beers after work, start brewing my own beer (my friends have lots of beer related activities...), join a basketball league, or softball league, coach my kid's soccer team, join a band, etc, etc, etc Yes I can do things sometimes, but not too often or it is not fair to my wife. I am doing something wrong. Something terribly wrong. I can only exercise because the kids still go to bed at 7. Otherwise I'm in your boat, DH and I can only do things if it's separately.
I was supposed to go to the movies with my friend last month but had to cancel because DS had a high fever and I didn't want to ditch DH for the night with a known sick kid and the potential of a 2nd. It will probably be another couple of months before I actually see her.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 5, 2016 14:16:46 GMT -5
I am feeling that member of this group(s) don't give a damn about each other and should be doing whatever they are doing and not to think how to get out of these meetings no one but OP apparently wants to attend. If someone doesn't want to meet - they shouldn't be forced! Again, it is not an Army! You are civilians there who aren't to civil. Or don't say they will be there and not show up. That's not cool.
I told two of the girls that I cannot be there this time. Common courtesy.
Like I said I don't think anyone but OP cares. I bet they know if they said 'I can't come I am busy' - there would be a post in YM board 'too busy'...
Imagine that lovely group where one gives up overtimes to show up and NOT even one who said she will - showed.
I am suspecting they are meeting elsewhere. With no pressure.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2016 14:18:47 GMT -5
Or don't say they will be there and not show up. That's not cool.
I told two of the girls that I cannot be there this time. Common courtesy.
Like I said I don't think anyone but OP cares. I bet they know if they said 'I can't come I am busy' - there would be a post in YM board 'too busy'...
Imagine that lovely group where one gives up overtimes to show up and NOT even one who said she will - showed.
I am suspecting they are meeting elsewhere. With no pressure.
Oh, I'm sure that's it.
Bwahahahahahahaha
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janee
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Post by janee on Apr 5, 2016 14:24:27 GMT -5
Work and family obligations (either little kids or elderly parents) can fill up the hours so there is little or no time left. Busy cycles ebb and flow. I do notice that some of my less organized friends have to cancel get-togethers because they didn't plan ahead. If you know you're going to be out the next two nights in a row and you have something you have to do for your kids or parents, you better schedule in some time to get things done.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Apr 5, 2016 14:25:22 GMT -5
I really don't know how people who work with small children do it. Of course, I realize I am a selfish bitch which is why I chose not to have kids . Seriously though, I had to attend a board retreat this past weekend where it was a 24/7 mix of bonding/teambuilding and strategic planning. I was so happy to go home and be alone on Sunday afternoon. If I had kids to go home to I think I would have screamed. My guess is I would have stayed an extra night at the hotel "pretending to work" just get some alone time.
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