zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,904
|
Post by zibazinski on Feb 25, 2016 7:52:56 GMT -5
I agree with trying what a previous poster said. Zero extra spending in March. Sell some stuff. Give an allowance that should cover an occasional lunch out if forgotten but that's it. Pretend you didn't find a job right away. Of course there was a panic when you lost your job. But you said you bring in 65 per cent of the income. If you weren't so close to the edge, although it's painful, it shouldn't have created the panic that it did. Tears instead of brainstorming how to handle it. This should have been a huge wake up call that you're bleeding money. Everyone bleeds money on some foolish things. You need to bleed money not on superficial things trying to look like your family has "arrived" but on getting out of debt.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,904
|
Post by zibazinski on Feb 25, 2016 7:54:01 GMT -5
I can't believe you're expected to go out and get another job. I can't believe your wife and MIL are okay with this. I didn't get the impression that he was expected to get a second job. I thought it was something that he took it upon himself to do. The fact that they haven't come up with a better solution, like maybe them spending less, isn't being very supportive.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,037
|
Post by giramomma on Feb 25, 2016 8:16:15 GMT -5
Carl, You and your wife should read "Your Money or Your Life."
And, then figure out your financial priorities. The problem is you want everything. You don't get everything.
What percentage of your total debt load is 3-5K? Is that going to shave years off your debt repayment schedule? Asking your parents to contribute to fertility treatments would be far more effective.
Are you willing to be virtually absent from your kids' life so can pay of 15K in debt in three years by working an extra job? I'm not being dramatic. When I was working 65+ hour weeks, I'd go 2.5 days in between seeing DS awake for more than a half hour when he was 2 and under.
Your wife also should be seeing a therapist so she stops equating money with love. Otherwise you are going to be in a world of hurt if that's what you teach your kids. I think DH spent $40 on me, max, for valentine's day...and I know absolutely he loves me.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,947
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 9:07:43 GMT -5
Nothing. No email, no phone messages nothing. DH is starting to get depressed and I'm not much better. Only two days left and its been two weeks since the dairy interview. Sorry drama but still holding out hope and keeping my fingers crossed for him. Anything else posted that he can apply to? Can he gets at least 30-35 hours at his current part time job? At the moment they can offer 28 hours a week if he's willing to work in other departments as well as the meat department. He said absolutely. He's well aware it makes him more valuable and may lead to full time opportunities in the future. We found a couple of jobs. Applied for one and going to apply today for another. I found out the company owns Herman's Nut House which I used to drive by all the time on the way to my great uncle's. I told DH wouldn't it be funny if you could tell people you work at the "nut house"? DH has this crazy idea of going back to his old company to talk to the VP if he can't find a full time job. I am not sure if that is a smart idea or not.
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 25, 2016 9:41:18 GMT -5
Sorry drama but still holding out hope and keeping my fingers crossed for him. Anything else posted that he can apply to? Can he gets at least 30-35 hours at his current part time job? At the moment they can offer 28 hours a week if he's willing to work in other departments as well as the meat department. He said absolutely. He's well aware it makes him more valuable and may lead to full time opportunities in the future. We found a couple of jobs. Applied for one and going to apply today for another. I found out the company owns Herman's Nut House which I used to drive by all the time on the way to my great uncle's. I told DH wouldn't it be funny if you could tell people you work at the "nut house"? DH has this crazy idea of going back to his old company to talk to the VP if he can't find a full time job. I am not sure if that is a smart idea or not. It's not.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,947
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 9:46:14 GMT -5
I don't think so either and told him so. I believe he'd be escorted off the premises as soon as he walks in. I understand where he is coming from, he thinks he can beg for his job back. I said that if they wanted you back they would have called you by now. Hoping he gets another job before that. As far as I can tell they playing by the rules since he got the OS job pretty soon after he got fired. I don't want him giving them a reason to start offering up more information to prospective employers. He's only brought up the idea once. I've been rather vocal regarding my opinion on the subject but he's an adult I can't stop him from doing something stupid.
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Feb 25, 2016 9:50:40 GMT -5
Sorry drama but still holding out hope and keeping my fingers crossed for him. Anything else posted that he can apply to? Can he gets at least 30-35 hours at his current part time job? At the moment they can offer 28 hours a week if he's willing to work in other departments as well as the meat department. He said absolutely. He's well aware it makes him more valuable and may lead to full time opportunities in the future. We found a couple of jobs. Applied for one and going to apply today for another. I found out the company owns Herman's Nut House which I used to drive by all the time on the way to my great uncle's. I told DH wouldn't it be funny if you could tell people you work at the "nut house"? DH has this crazy idea of going back to his old company to talk to the VP if he can't find a full time job. I am not sure if that is a smart idea or not. I mean, it's not a bad idea like "I'm gonna see what happens if I mix bleach and ammonia" level-bad. But it's going to do exactly nothing, and then your DH is going to be upset that it didn't get him what he wanted. There is zero possible upside here.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,947
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 9:54:09 GMT -5
That's what I've been trying to tell him. His job has been re-posted several times since December so you can tell they are having a hard time keeping it filled. Yet they still haven't called him.
The fact that nobody has called him is a clear sign he's blacklisted.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,947
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 10:04:06 GMT -5
And even assuming hypothetically he COULD get his job back he'd have to be looking over his shoulder for the rest of his days b/c his supervisor and the president would be looking for any opportunity to can his ass just out of spite. There is no way a human being can be 100% perfect 100% of the time.
Why on earth would you want to go back to working at a place where you know they are just waiting for you to hang yourself?
It's partially why I won't work at Creighton again unless I could get into a lab where I would not be required to work with the animals.
It's one thing to walk into a situation like at BT where I had no clue that was how things would go down. It's another to walk into a situation where I know exactly what is going to go down.
I feel the same way about DH begging for his job back at his old company. Even if he got it we'd still need to put the spurs to finding him a new job ASAP. Nebraska is an at will state, they don't need much to terminate him again. Why put yourself in that situation?
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Feb 25, 2016 10:13:15 GMT -5
That's what I've been trying to tell him. His job has been re-posted several times since December so you can tell they are having a hard time keeping it filled. Yet they still haven't called him. The fact that nobody has called him is a clear sign he's blacklisted. It's probably not that they aren't keeping it filled, but that they haven't even hired anyone yet.
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Feb 25, 2016 10:16:46 GMT -5
So my conversation with my boss went well, I thought. Until she told me she'd briefed HER boss and her boss asked what my timeline was. She apparently said she thinks it's 12-18 months. Umm, I'm thinking more like 6-9, but don't quite know how to correct her. I just stared at her in shock. After talking for 30 min about how I'm burned out on this job, there's no more upside here for me and I'm done, she thinks I'm going to hang out for 12-18 months? WTF
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,947
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 10:19:02 GMT -5
12-18 months is probably the timeline SHE prefers.
Is there anything in your company handbook that says you have to give a certain amount of notice before you apply/accept an internal position?
If there isn't I would just continue with your timeline and not correct her. You don't 100% know for sure you'd get another position in 6-9 months. If you do it is what it is, it's nothing personal against your boss it's just how the world works.
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Feb 25, 2016 10:21:43 GMT -5
12-18 months is probably the timeline SHE prefers. Is there anything in your company handbook that says you have to give a certain amount of notice before you apply/accept an internal position? If there isn't I would just continue with your timeline and not correct her. You don't 100% know for sure you'd get another position in 6-9 months. If you do it is what it is, it's nothing personal against your boss it's just how the world works. The only thing is she's promised to help me network with areas of the org I'd like to work for. So pushing the timeline is going to be a bit obvious. Yeah, I'm sure 12-18 months is what she prefers. But FFS.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,947
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 10:25:47 GMT -5
Maybe frame it as you need to start networking now b/c of how long the process can sometimes take? I don't know how fast turn around is in your company but I've had months go by before people contacted me even for an interview. It could very well take you 12-18 months. But hopefully it happens sooner. I've become quite cynical about what bosses promise those of us who are leaving. Mine promised me he'd help me network and he never did even when I outright asked him to. He also didn't submit my paper for publication like he promised to either. I was glad when several people I interviewed with expressed surprise at that, they said it would have taken him five seconds since it's all electronic now. It wasn't me being petty. So I'd make hitting your goal of getting out in 6-8 months the priority if she helps network great but don't count on it.
|
|
yogiii
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 19:38:00 GMT -5
Posts: 5,377
|
Post by yogiii on Feb 25, 2016 10:34:48 GMT -5
12-18 months is probably the timeline SHE prefers. Is there anything in your company handbook that says you have to give a certain amount of notice before you apply/accept an internal position? If there isn't I would just continue with your timeline and not correct her. You don't 100% know for sure you'd get another position in 6-9 months. If you do it is what it is, it's nothing personal against your boss it's just how the world works. The only thing is she's promised to help me network with areas of the org I'd like to work for. So pushing the timeline is going to be a bit obvious. Yeah, I'm sure 12-18 months is what she prefers. But FFS. Can you just do it on your own? Now that you've told her your intentions, it wouldn't be like going behind her back.
The way it works at my large company is you apply, they interview and if they like you it's essentially, "ok give us your timeline for moving, preferably in the 2 weeks area".
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 25, 2016 12:34:48 GMT -5
Wouldn't it be easier to just cut your spending a bit? How I'm glad others have chimed in here, because this comment just makes me Now that I've gotten back on my feet. Cut 5 phones from your phone plan and your "savings" category that is actually misc spending from $500 to $300 per month. That gets you about $400 per month without working an extra minute. How many hours of second job net income does that replace? About 57 hours, as a rough guesstimate.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,947
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 12:39:02 GMT -5
I think I just stumbled upon what may be DH's dream job. It's as a Fisheries Technician.
He has a shitload of experience in boating and is extremely knowledgable when it comes to fresh water game fish.
It'll require tweaking his resume quite a bit but I believe we can make it work.
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Feb 25, 2016 14:00:46 GMT -5
I think I just stumbled upon what may be DH's dream job. It's as a Fisheries Technician. He has a shitload of experience in boating and is extremely knowledgable when it comes to fresh water game fish. It'll require tweaking his resume quite a bit but I believe we can make it work. Drama, once again - WHY are YOU looking for jobs for your husband? I don't know if you know, but you say things like "we will apply" and "we can make it work" or even "I applied" - where the hell is your husband in all of this and why isn't he doing this stuff himself? You're working longer hours than he is, and still mommying him on his job search.
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Feb 25, 2016 14:02:37 GMT -5
How I'm glad others have chimed in here, because this comment just makes me You all do understand I was being sarcastic right
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,947
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 14:08:08 GMT -5
I still get job emails from indeed and will click on them. DH has an associates in biology so he can quality for a lot of jobs I do. If I see something interesting I pass it along. I didn't know that was something I wasn't supposed to do. I still scan the job boards for myself. I am not taking anything for granted anymore. I am not actively applying for anything but I want to have my thumb on what is out there in case this blows sky wide like the last job or the funding rug is pulled out from under me again. Since our fields overlap in certain skill areas if I see something I share. We don't have a scanner or stuff like that at home so I'll bring stuff to work. The library charges you to park, charges you to use the computer and charges you per page you scan. Why would we do that when I can do it for free? I didn't realize that it was a problem or that I am making DH look like a lazy idiot. He is working hard at job hunting and interviewing and now at Hy-Vee. Maybe I am helping him too much. Maybe it's b/c I am extremely stressed out over what is going on and my way to have some sort of control over our lives is to help him job hunt. I know it's not healthy and so does DH but if it makes me feel better he's not going to stop me from looking at job boards. It beats having to shell out for therapy to get a handle on the way I am feeling about everything that has happened going back to September 2014. I waste WAY more time on here than I do looking on indeed. I help him with his resume b/c I am GOOD at it and got lots of compliments on mine in the last year so I figured I should put those skills to use to help my spouse. I come on here to vent/organize my thoughts. I'll stop doing that though b/c being called out makes me realize I have strayed too far into over sharing again. I'll share if DH gets another job but I'll stop talking about everything else.
|
|
steph08
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 3, 2011 13:06:01 GMT -5
Posts: 5,495
|
Post by steph08 on Feb 25, 2016 14:10:38 GMT -5
I think I just stumbled upon what may be DH's dream job. It's as a Fisheries Technician. He has a shitload of experience in boating and is extremely knowledgable when it comes to fresh water game fish. It'll require tweaking his resume quite a bit but I believe we can make it work.
Drama - I know nothing about the job posting, obviously, but I just wanted to check that it wasn't for your state or other civil service agency. It sounds like something in my DH's area and he works for our state, but in order to get the job, he had to take the civil service test first, even though he met the rest of the requirements.
That would also be a good place for him to look for jobs!
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Feb 25, 2016 14:19:27 GMT -5
I didn't know that was something I wasn't supposed to do. I didn't either because when I was unemployed my wife was looking up jobs for me and sending them to me. When she was unemployed I did the same and probably will do again when she starts looking seriously! I still do from time to time if I happen to browse something related... I thought that is what being a "team" is all about and it benefits both of us for one of us to get a job/more pay etc. 2 pair of eyes better than 1... But hey, it wouldn't be the first time that my marriage model doesn't fit the mold. But it works for us!
|
|
Jaguar
Administrator
Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
Joined: Dec 20, 2011 6:07:45 GMT -5
Posts: 50,108
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IZlZ65.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Text Color: 290066
|
Post by Jaguar on Feb 25, 2016 14:21:51 GMT -5
Everyone just vent all you need to on here, that's what this thread is especially for......vent away, knock your socks off. I want you all to be happy.
|
|
Jaguar
Administrator
Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
Joined: Dec 20, 2011 6:07:45 GMT -5
Posts: 50,108
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IZlZ65.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Text Color: 290066
|
Post by Jaguar on Feb 25, 2016 14:24:50 GMT -5
And if that means helping your spouse and you need to vent about that, do it!
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,947
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 14:25:41 GMT -5
I had a hell of a time when I first got married b/c I over shared some issues I was having with DH with my parents b/c I didn't have any friends to talk to.
I don't need to create an internet situation that could potentially follow us around in real life. I do pretty good reigning it in but lately I've been so stressed out I am starting to blurt out crap to people I really shouldn't be. It gives an inaccurate picture of our marriage and makes DH look bad. I don't want to make DH look bad.
He's been trying incredibly hard to fix the situation and not having very good luck with it. He's already down about having to work part time at Hy-Vee (nothing against grocery stores it's just a huge drop in salary and hours) but he's doing it b/c that's what we need right now in order to pay the bills. I don't need to kick him further by having him discover I've made him look like an incompetent boob who can't do his own job searching.
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,879
Member is Online
|
Post by Cookies Galore on Feb 25, 2016 14:26:42 GMT -5
I'm glad others have chimed in here, because this comment just makes me You all do understand I was being sarcastic right Says the guy who spent $650 the weekend before he starts a new job AND is looking for part-time work? Sure...
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Feb 25, 2016 14:27:47 GMT -5
You all do understand I was being sarcastic right Says the guy who spent $650 the weekend before he starts a new job AND is looking for part-time work? Sure... Yep that is the guy
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Feb 25, 2016 14:28:07 GMT -5
I think it's your phrasing more than anything Drama. "We" did this or that. "I helped him" do this or that would probably make us get the point better, but I do understand you have other things to worry about than your sentence structure. I was curious too about why it all seemed to be on you to get it done, now I know.
|
|
Jaguar
Administrator
Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
Joined: Dec 20, 2011 6:07:45 GMT -5
Posts: 50,108
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IZlZ65.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Text Color: 290066
|
Post by Jaguar on Feb 25, 2016 14:28:58 GMT -5
Says the guy who spent $650 the weekend before he starts a new job AND is looking for part-time work? Sure... Yep that is the guy Did you have fun that weekend ?
|
|
kcladyjane
Familiar Member
Joined: Dec 31, 2010 12:00:43 GMT -5
Posts: 837
|
Post by kcladyjane on Feb 25, 2016 14:32:31 GMT -5
I still get job emails from indeed and will click on them. DH has an associates in biology so he can quality for a lot of jobs I do. If I see something interesting I pass it along. I didn't know that was something I wasn't supposed to do. I still scan the job boards for myself. I am not taking anything for granted anymore. I am not actively applying for anything but I want to have my thumb on what is out there in case this blows sky wide like the last job or the funding rug is pulled out from under me again. Since our fields overlap in certain skill areas if I see something I share. We don't have a scanner or stuff like that at home so I'll bring stuff to work. The library charges you to park, charges you to use the computer and charges you per page you scan. Why would we do that when I can do it for free? I didn't realize that it was a problem or that I am making DH look like a lazy idiot. He is working hard at job hunting and interviewing and now at Hy-Vee. Maybe I am helping him too much. Maybe it's b/c I am extremely stressed out over what is going on and my way to have some sort of control over our lives is to help him job hunt. I know it's not healthy and so does DH but if it makes me feel better he's not going to stop me from looking at job boards. It beats having to shell out for therapy to get a handle on the way I am feeling about everything that has happened going back to September 2014. I waste WAY more time on here than I do looking on indeed. I help him with his resume b/c I am GOOD at it and got lots of compliments on mine in the last year so I figured I should put those skills to use to help my spouse. I come on here to vent/organize my thoughts. I'll stop doing that though b/c being called out makes me realize I have strayed too far into over sharing again. I'll share if DH gets another job but I'll stop talking about everything else. I would just ignore her..no reason for that harsh response. I help my husband out with job stuff when he needs it too. I work in an office so it is easier for me to send emails, etc. Like Carl said...you work as a team and yes your DH's job unhappiness is going to affect you so it makes sense to help him out.
|
|