Deleted
Joined: May 17, 2024 15:40:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2016 12:59:31 GMT -5
tloonya - It really is not confusing - especially here on a message board. Kolt! has told us he's a he. So you refer to him just like you do anyone else who presents here as male - by his name or as "he". Because that's the thing online - with the exception of the few people who have met in real life, no one actually knows what genders we are. You've never met me, so for all you know, I could be a 15 year old boy, and not the 40 year old professional woman I present myself as, but since I present myself as female, I am referred to by my screen name (not my real name ) and she/her.
In real life, it can be harder, especially when someone is at the start of their transition. They may still look like the other gender, so it can get a little confusing. But, if someone tells me their name is Bob, it doesn't matter if I think they look more like a Bobbi (or a Frank, for that matter), I am going to call them Bob. The one time it was actually hard for me was when I met someone for a first time who had a name that could have been either male or female, and the person could have been a (very) feminine male or a somewhat masculine female. Turned out he was a trans-male, near the start of the transition, but we really didn't know at the first meeting (and it's not like he was going to share that with us strangers).
As for my friend, I am going to have 20 years of history and habit to replace, and so as long as I make a conscious effort, my friend doesn't care. She knows we'll mess up every once in a while, but as long as we try, she's good. It can be confusing though. I do not know what to call Chasity Bono if referring to her on her parents tv show. Most people say they are born the gender and did not change into it. With that in mind was Kaitlyn Jenner a woman when he/she won the Olympics? And what pronoun should I have used in the last sentence? "His vagina" and "her penis" sound confusing to me.
|
|
gregintenn
Senior Member
Resident hillbilly
Joined: Dec 28, 2015 17:07:59 GMT -5
Posts: 2,840
|
Post by gregintenn on Feb 3, 2016 13:01:19 GMT -5
tloonya - It really is not confusing - especially here on a message board. Kolt! has told us he's a he. So you refer to him just like you do anyone else who presents here as male - by his name or as "he". Because that's the thing online - with the exception of the few people who have met in real life, no one actually knows what genders we are. You've never met me, so for all you know, I could be a 15 year old boy, and not the 40 year old professional woman I present myself as, but since I present myself as female, I am referred to by my screen name (not my real name ) and she/her.
In real life, it can be harder, especially when someone is at the start of their transition. They may still look like the other gender, so it can get a little confusing. But, if someone tells me their name is Bob, it doesn't matter if I think they look more like a Bobbi (or a Frank, for that matter), I am going to call them Bob. The one time it was actually hard for me was when I met someone for a first time who had a name that could have been either male or female, and the person could have been a (very) feminine male or a somewhat masculine female. Turned out he was a trans-male, near the start of the transition, but we really didn't know at the first meeting (and it's not like he was going to share that with us strangers).
As for my friend, I am going to have 20 years of history and habit to replace, and so as long as I make a conscious effort, my friend doesn't care. She knows we'll mess up every once in a while, but as long as we try, she's good. It can be confusing though. I do not know what to call Chasity Bono if referring to her on her parents tv show. Most people say they are born the gender and did not change into it. With that in mind was Kaitlyn Jenner a woman when he/she won the Olympics? And what pronoun should I have used in the last sentence? "His vagina" and "her penis" sound confusing to me.Welcome to the closed minded, insensitive prick club. President, gregintenn
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,365
Member is Online
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Feb 3, 2016 13:02:52 GMT -5
It can be confusing though. I do not know what to call Chasity Bono if referring to her on her parents tv show. Most people say they are born the gender and did not change into it. With that in mind was Kaitlyn Jenner a woman when he/she won the Olympics? And what pronoun should I have used in the last sentence? "His vagina" and "her penis" sound confusing to me.Welcome to the closed minded, insensitive prick club. President, gregintenn An insensitive prick is usually due to reconstructive surgery gone bad.
|
|
gregintenn
Senior Member
Resident hillbilly
Joined: Dec 28, 2015 17:07:59 GMT -5
Posts: 2,840
|
Post by gregintenn on Feb 3, 2016 13:04:10 GMT -5
Welcome to the closed minded, insensitive prick club. President, gregintenn An insensitive prick is usually due to reconstructive surgery gone bad. Took you almost a minute Arch.....you're slipping!
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,365
Member is Online
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Feb 3, 2016 13:08:52 GMT -5
An insensitive prick is usually due to reconstructive surgery gone bad. Took you almost a minute Arch.....you're slipping! got an audit going on. Slowing me down.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 17, 2024 15:40:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2016 13:10:04 GMT -5
It can be confusing though. I do not know what to call Chasity Bono if referring to her on her parents tv show. Most people say they are born the gender and did not change into it. With that in mind was Kaitlyn Jenner a woman when he/she won the Olympics? And what pronoun should I have used in the last sentence? "His vagina" and "her penis" sound confusing to me.Welcome to the closed minded, insensitive prick club. President, gregintenn I care about people like ---- because of my grandchildren. I think what happens to some people is the body gestates differently. I think some people are screwed up in the head and choose, but many are what they describe, a different person on the inside then on the outside. I would hate to ever be in a position that I had to think ugly thoughts about someone I love in order to be consistent. I admire Honeysalt.
|
|
shanendoah
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:44:48 GMT -5
Posts: 10,096
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0c3563
|
Post by shanendoah on Feb 3, 2016 13:59:36 GMT -5
If you are referring to Chastity Bono, you say she. If you are referring to Chas Bono, you say he. Perhaps it would help to think of it as if Chastity/Chas were siblings.
Bruce Jenner won medals at the Olympics. Caitlynn Jenner is a "personality".
For celebrities - people you have never known and never will know - it is generally safe to refer to them as what they presented at at the time. If you are referring to them now, refer to them the way they present now.
For my friend, who I have 20 years of memories of a "he", I will change references when talking about her to "she". If we're among strangers, people who don't know her, and they are listening to our conversation, some of those conversations might sound confusing, but considering they are strangers, its really none of their business. (And goodness knows, a lot of memories I would talk about with my long term friends would probably be confusing to strangers, as we're all RPG players and will share memories from our characters/games as if they were actual "events".)
|
|
Kolt!
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 31, 2016 17:45:32 GMT -5
Posts: 1,311
|
Post by Kolt! on Feb 3, 2016 22:00:56 GMT -5
It's really not that confusing for me.
You all met me as a male. They're is no reason to be confused as to what to refer to me. I have made it very clear that I prefer to be called he, or Kolt. It's really as simple as that.
It might be confusing to people from my past... I say that but it hasn't been. My friends accepted me before I could accept myself. When I'd belittle myself for being trans or feeling like less of a man
My friends would look me straight in the eyes and say "You're a man. You've always been a man. You're not less of a man for how you were born." (being born trans is up for debate i get it. but i remember feeling this way since the second grade and i didn't know anybody transgender or even gay until i was in college.)
I don't really know how it's confusing.
---
I don't even know what Hickie is trying to say with 'her penis' and 'his vagina'
--
It never has mattered rather I had a penis or a vagina...what is in my pants doesn't even matter. I'm a he. It's as simple as that. Rather you agree with it or not... when referring to me it's literally that simple. There shouldn't be any confusion around it. You could be walking the street and never know someone was trans...
I don't understand why people care so much about what's in someones pants to begin with. Like what does it matter to you? >.> When someone tells you they're male or female do you go "TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!?"
|
|
quince
Senior Member
Joined: Sept 23, 2011 17:51:12 GMT -5
Posts: 2,699
|
Post by quince on Feb 3, 2016 22:14:01 GMT -5
Huh. I was going to make a joke about someone referring to "her penis" when talking about my husband. (Quince's penis., obvs.) Also, people with some sort of disfiguring accident or cancer related surgery that mangles/removes genitals doesn't stop being whatever gender they were- there are men, who had penii and no longer do, and are still men. Most people don't talk about the genitals of other people all that often with the exception of people they are sleeping with or attending to in a medical fashion, anyway. I mean, I totally care about what is in my husband's pants. Unless you're going to be making use of it though, can't see a lot of reason to be concerned about someone's genitals. Maybe for arranging pit stops on a drive? (Penises are so cool for convenient peeing! Jealous.)
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 10,972
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 3, 2016 22:15:24 GMT -5
They're also cool for consequence-free sex.
|
|
Kolt!
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 31, 2016 17:45:32 GMT -5
Posts: 1,311
|
Post by Kolt! on Feb 3, 2016 23:06:49 GMT -5
This is going to be too much info BUT just for shizz and giggles. -- It really is no concern what's in someones pants... MAYBE even if you are being sexual with them I mean I found ways to be with my ex without her ever knowing I was trans ... i eventually told her though. she just thought I was exceptionally good in bed and could withhold for a VERY long time compared to her other partners -snickers-
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 4, 2016 1:48:20 GMT -5
This is going to be too much info BUT just for shizz and giggles. -- It really is no concern what's in someones pants... MAYBE even if you are being sexual with them I mean I found ways to be with my ex without her ever knowing I was trans ... i eventually told her though. she just thought I was exceptionally good in bed and could withhold for a VERY long time compared to her other partners -snickers- OK, so I was really done with this thread until this comment. Unless your gf was a virgin and you were her one and only, there is no way under the sun that a woman won't know something like that. Unless she doesn't want to know.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 17, 2024 15:40:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2016 8:29:50 GMT -5
This is going to be too much info BUT just for shizz and giggles. -- It really is no concern what's in someones pants... MAYBE even if you are being sexual with them I mean I found ways to be with my ex without her ever knowing I was trans ... i eventually told her though. she just thought I was exceptionally good in bed and could withhold for a VERY long time compared to her other partners -snickers- OK, so I was really done with this thread until this comment. Unless your gf was a virgin and you were her one and only, there is no way under the sun that a woman won't know something like that. Unless she doesn't want to know. It is also a really slimy way to treat another human being. A person's gender might be their own business, but it is also the business of people they are having sex with. Deceit like what is being discussed here is an ugly way to treat another human being. my opinion fwiw. eta: I am not sure it is even consensual sex.
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on Feb 4, 2016 9:46:32 GMT -5
This is going to be too much info BUT just for shizz and giggles. -- It really is no concern what's in someones pants... MAYBE even if you are being sexual with them I mean I found ways to be with my ex without her ever knowing I was trans ... i eventually told her though. she just thought I was exceptionally good in bed and could withhold for a VERY long time compared to her other partners -snickers- OK, so I was really done with this thread until this comment. Unless your gf was a virgin and you were her one and only, there is no way under the sun that a woman won't know something like that. Unless she doesn't want to know. THAT is the most curious moment. I remember there was a documentary on a couple who lived together for 20 years and she or he never knew that the one of them was a trans. I was like WOW - how could you not know?
|
|
Kolt!
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 31, 2016 17:45:32 GMT -5
Posts: 1,311
|
Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 9:47:26 GMT -5
There are ways around people knowing. You don't know what I use or how I use it. My point was my dick measures up to an actual cis males and that the girl I was with hadn't noticed anything different from her previous partners. We had discussed this after I finally felt ok coming out because I thought she would have known after. AND unless you have been with a transgender person I don't think you have any right to say that someone would HAVE TO KNOW. whoisjohngaltAnd my gender is male. I was not being deceitful. and HOW DARE YOU try to accuse me of rape. @hickle no transgender person has to express to someone they're with that they were born in the wrong body. my partner wanted to have sex with me. and even after i told her i was trans she didn't care. she was one of the people when i belittled myself telling me over and over again that i'm just as much of a man as someone born with a dick. i'm very open with people about being trans but with my first relationship after transitioning i was not. i didn't want her to think less of me. i wanted her to view me as a male and to my surprise before and after she very much looked at me as if i was a man.
|
|
Kolt!
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 31, 2016 17:45:32 GMT -5
Posts: 1,311
|
Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 9:48:22 GMT -5
OK, so I was really done with this thread until this comment. Unless your gf was a virgin and you were her one and only, there is no way under the sun that a woman won't know something like that. Unless she doesn't want to know. THAT is the most curious moment. I remember there was a documentary on a couple who lived together for 20 years and she or he never knew that the one of them was a trans. I was like WOW - how could you not know? Because as I said there's ways around it. AND THAT DOESNT MAKE IT RAPE. like holy shit.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 4, 2016 9:53:15 GMT -5
Yeah, OK, I don't buy it. I don't buy that you can see a male naked, up close, do all kinds of sexual acts and not know.
I mean I understand some people can be a bit clueless (like not knowing that they are pregnant for 9 months), but this??
Unless you are only having sex in the dark, with your clothes on and in the missionary position - there is no way a woman won't know.
Unless she is a virgin or just doesn't want to know.
And btw, me saying this has nothing to do with being or not being transgender, but simply being a woman and having sex a "few" times in my life.
|
|
Kolt!
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 31, 2016 17:45:32 GMT -5
Posts: 1,311
|
Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 9:54:58 GMT -5
You clearly don't know the types of surgery's and items that transgender people can use in this day and age.
I have a male chest with abs. I work out. I don't have boobs. I'm not about to explain my dick to you either.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 4, 2016 9:58:10 GMT -5
Wait a minute - I thought you said she didn't know even before you transitioned.
Believe you me - I have less than zero interest in your dick or any other body parts for that matter, but you seemed to be saying that even before you had any surgeries your GF didn't know. That she didn't know that your penis wasn't real. That I don't believe for a second
|
|
Kolt!
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 31, 2016 17:45:32 GMT -5
Posts: 1,311
|
Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 10:01:52 GMT -5
She was my first girlfriend after I transitioned. However, I had my chest removed by then and I was comfortable enough with myself to pass as a cismale.
The point of that sentence was joking that transmen can last long then cismen. >.> I've had a few hits at trans I figured I could take a soft stab at cismen.
But she still had no clue that I was transgender until I told her I was. You might have the common misconception that I use a dildo. But, that's not the case. I paid quite a lot of money for what I have.
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 10,972
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 4, 2016 10:05:55 GMT -5
There are ways around people knowing. You don't know what I use or how I use it. My point was my dick measures up to an actual cis males and that the girl I was with hadn't noticed anything different from her previous partners. We had discussed this after I finally felt ok coming out because I thought she would have known after. AND unless you have been with a transgender person I don't think you have any right to say that someone would HAVE TO KNOW. whoisjohngalt And my gender is male. I was not being deceitful. and HOW DARE YOU try to accuse me of rape. @hickle no transgender person has to express to someone they're with that they were born in the wrong body. my partner wanted to have sex with me. and even after i told her i was trans she didn't care. she was one of the people when i belittled myself telling me over and over again that i'm just as much of a man as someone born with a dick. i'm very open with people about being trans but with my first relationship after transitioning i was not. i didn't want her to think less of me. i wanted her to view me as a male and to my surprise before and after she very much looked at me as if i was a man. oh don't pay any mind to "that one" - blocking him and his glaring ignorance was the best decision I made on here. I hate to treat you like a curiousity, but I am curious. My female cousin I think is transitioning to male (dresses masculine, now wants to be called a male name) so I guess I need to try and understand some stuff. This question is just for my own knowledge. So...... like..... are there nerve endings there or is it just like a BOB with skin over it? Not trying to be funny, but since you're talking about the function, I figured I'd ask.
|
|
Kolt!
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 31, 2016 17:45:32 GMT -5
Posts: 1,311
|
Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 10:08:40 GMT -5
MJ2.0I will PM you with information on what I use and then some other things that are used and explain it better. =P Anybody that is ever curious about anything don't be afraid to ask. I may not answer here in public because some things just feel weird to put out there right in public but i'll answer anything in private. =P BUT. I'll answer later today I'm running late for school and work >.> OOPS
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 10,972
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 4, 2016 10:18:08 GMT -5
Thanks Kolt!. I have a feeling there's about to be a clearout when the mods wake up anyway.
|
|
ken a.k.a OMK
Senior Associate
They killed Kenny, the bastards.
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 14:39:20 GMT -5
Posts: 14,117
Location: Maryland
|
Post by ken a.k.a OMK on Feb 4, 2016 10:31:57 GMT -5
Kolt may be more of a man then I am. Old age changes things. I'm way out of touch with these terms, I thought I knew a little about transgender from TV dramas. But cismale? I'll be researching today.
|
|
shanendoah
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:44:48 GMT -5
Posts: 10,096
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0c3563
|
Post by shanendoah on Feb 4, 2016 11:09:19 GMT -5
ken a.k.a OMK - cis-gender is the counterpart of trans-gender (like heterosexual vs homosexual), also known in the past as "normal". It means your gender identity matches the genitals you were born with. You, I believe, are a cis-male while Kolt is a trans-male.
|
|
gregintenn
Senior Member
Resident hillbilly
Joined: Dec 28, 2015 17:07:59 GMT -5
Posts: 2,840
|
Post by gregintenn on Feb 4, 2016 11:11:36 GMT -5
Wow! This thread has taken quite a turn.
|
|
ken a.k.a OMK
Senior Associate
They killed Kenny, the bastards.
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 14:39:20 GMT -5
Posts: 14,117
Location: Maryland
|
Post by ken a.k.a OMK on Feb 4, 2016 11:14:56 GMT -5
Thanks shanendoah I think I'm getting it.
|
|
Kolt!
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 31, 2016 17:45:32 GMT -5
Posts: 1,311
|
Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 11:22:27 GMT -5
Kolt may be more of a man then I am. Old age changes things. I'm way out of touch with these terms, I thought I knew a little about transgender from TV dramas. But cismale? I'll be researching today. bahaha not having abs doesn't make anybody less of a man. i don't even know why i mention i have abs. i just take pride in my body because it was a lot of work to get to this point. =P i've also been getting lazy though and too busy to workout so they're not as prominent as they once were but when summer hits i'll hit the gym again.
|
|
ken a.k.a OMK
Senior Associate
They killed Kenny, the bastards.
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 14:39:20 GMT -5
Posts: 14,117
Location: Maryland
|
Post by ken a.k.a OMK on Feb 4, 2016 11:31:33 GMT -5
Kolt! be proud of your body. I wish I liked mine again. Old age and back pain has taken a lot from me. I know what to do, but lack the motivation. When I retired 6 years ago I'd go for a 4 mile run without even thinking about it. Now it hurts to walk a block. Things "snowballed" and I need to turn it around. Best of luck on your voyage.
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on Feb 4, 2016 13:27:11 GMT -5
Wow! This thread has taken quite a turn. I am telling you, greg... We didn't even know what fun is until now, right?
|
|