Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Mar 10, 2016 8:50:07 GMT -5
I don't really care if he's a social butterfly outside of school, l certainly never was, but I do want him to feel comfortable and accepted at school too and not like an outcast. I know. We all want that for our kids. Does HE feel like an outcast? Has he said that?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2016 8:51:47 GMT -5
I don't really care if he's a social butterfly outside of school, l certainly never was, but I do want him to feel comfortable and accepted at school too and not like an outcast. I know. We all want that for our kids. Does HE feel like an outcast? Has he said that? Yes. Numerous times. Usually right in there with the wishing he was dead/never born statements.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Mar 10, 2016 9:02:49 GMT -5
I wouldn't ignore those statements but most kids say these things at one time or another. Your son reminds me a lot of my son and honestly he did improve over time, especially in college because he got talked into joining a fraternity and they made him do things as a group. Best thing that could have happened to him. Took him a bit out of his shell. His first job and apartment was via that social network. A group of those kids ended up in Tampa, boys and girls, and they still all hang out together. Friday night 24 of them celebrated a girl in the groups birthday. I helped a lot by organizing a lot of birthday parties for him and inviting his entire class. Was he uncomfortable being the center of attention? Yes, but the kids got the idea that although he was shy, he was fun in his own way. Before they thought he was smart and stuck up. After he was smart but shy. Big difference.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Mar 10, 2016 12:10:15 GMT -5
My son is very smart. Like crazy smart but he has issues. If left to his own devices he would sink to the bottom of the pack quickly and just hang out playing video games all the time. He doesn't get invited to friends houses much either but I am not sure if he really isn't or just doesn't say yes when people say can you come over. I sincerely believe that in any school he would be socially awkward. Changing schools wouldn't change that. He also is about as annoying a kid as I have ever met. If left to his own devices he would make noises every minute of every day except when he is asleep. Being smart and nice doesn't make it not annoying as hell. The very fact that someone hasn't pushed him head first into a locker telling him to shut up, to me, is proof that they are all pretty nice and actually like him. But he does need to learn to shut up. Eventually he will graduate from HS and get a real job. No one is going to care about his issues. They are going to tell him to cut it out and do his job or be fired. I don't want him going to a school whee he can keep from dealing with all his issues in. He needs to learn to control some of it and do the work. No way would I let him just sink to the bottom because it is easier. And people there are drugs everywhere!!! No school is drug free. I know I've said it before, but are you sure you're not a voice in my head? You keep talking about my kid and all......
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,103
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 10, 2016 16:52:59 GMT -5
The problem is though you've said the kids don't particularly like your son in Scouts. He's not going to become a part of the "family" just because he attends the same school. It would certainly be great if that did happen, my concern is they already consider your son the loud obnoxious one. Their crowds are going to go along with their opinion. It's a lot harder to erase a negative image in a small community. In a larger school he still may annoy people but there is no way he could be SO annoying as to isolate himself entirely. He'll find his crowd eventually. I don't know that they actually dislike him. I mean when we got to the orientation I heard a lot of "Hey Sam!" They're polite and friendly to him, but it's not like he's getting invited to anything either. T That's my point. He's not going to make inroads with them just because they now all attend the same school. They'll still be polite I am sure but they aren't going to welcome him into their school social network. If they wanted to hang out with him they'd do so already. In turn their already established friends aren't going to be eager to welcome the new guy their friends aren't hanging out with into the group. BTDT got the T-shirt. I was pretty damn lonely in middle school. I lost my only two friends when they decided they wanted to be a part of the crowd. For whatever reason that meant dumping me as a friend rather than bring me along for the ride. Getting into high school which was much larger was a freaking Godsend. You would have thought based on my personality at the time I would have disappeared/fallen thru the cracks but it was the exact opposite. I came into my own once I was in a larger pond of fish. If I had been stuck with that same core group all the way thru till graduation I don't know what I would have done. The social isolation probably would have killed me.
|
|
GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:33:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,291
|
Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Mar 10, 2016 17:47:07 GMT -5
I don't really care if he's a social butterfly outside of school, l certainly never was, but I do want him to feel comfortable and accepted at school too and not like an outcast. It sounds like he might need some more practice being social (not everyone is born with the "most popular" toolkit). I know he's 13 or so and that you are busy, but maybe you could DEFTLY get him to invite a kid over to your house now and then on weekends. Even if they just sit and play video games and eat crap for a couple of hours -- there will be conversation and opportunities for another kid to get to know your son better outside school and Scouts. I know I am a very different person at work versus at home -- kids have the same differences. Keep it to one kid for now. Never do an odd number -- if you want more than 1, go to 3 more for a total of 4. But, he's only going to get better socially if he practices in other settings.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Mar 10, 2016 21:25:21 GMT -5
Trust your mom instincts.
|
|
973beachbum
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,501
|
Post by 973beachbum on Mar 11, 2016 8:44:52 GMT -5
I know. We all want that for our kids. Does HE feel like an outcast? Has he said that? Yes. Numerous times. Usually right in there with the wishing he was dead/never born statements. Have you discussed this with the Psychologist yet? Because I have the most socially awkward kid on the planet and he doesn't sound like that at all. He is actually quite happy. He is also fine with his friendship relationships as they are. What that sounds like to me is depression. I have a few family members and close friends who battled depression most of their lives. And the one thing I took away was that changing locations never worked for long.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2016 9:08:48 GMT -5
Yes. Numerous times. Usually right in there with the wishing he was dead/never born statements. Have you discussed this with the Psychologist yet? Because I have the most socially awkward kid on the planet and he doesn't sound like that at all. He is actually quite happy. He is also fine with his friendship relationships as they are. What that sounds like to me is depression. I have a few family members and close friends who battled depression most of their lives. And the one thing I took away was that changing locations never worked for long. I took him back to the psychologist he used to see and he's met with Family Services case workers and the counselor at the school (numerous times). Nobody thinks he's depressed, just vocally impulsive with filtering issues, but he hasn't had a full assessment. He used to just throw down his work and say, "THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO GO KILL MYSELF!" and storm off to the nurses office...in Kindergarten. He couldn't have possibly even known what that meant back then. We found out Wednesday that the mental health program that we signed up for through the school is no longer offered at the Charter schools. Well, it is, but they don't have the staff to do everything in house like they do at the middle/high school. He'd have to be transported somewhere during the day. He's still on the list for that but it could take awhile. Meanwhile, I don't think he liked the kind of attention he got recently because it's been three weeks of stellar behavior. Not one office referral, caught up on his homework (almost) and totally pumped about going to high school (blah on that one )
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2016 10:12:04 GMT -5
So . .. Is your kid playing Scrap Mechanic yet? Not that I know of. Is that the next distraction I get to look forward to?
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,777
|
Post by thyme4change on Mar 11, 2016 14:15:50 GMT -5
If you are worried about him falling in with the wrong crowd and/or not doing well academic wise at the public school, just tell him you have a one and done policy. One significant behavior issue (in or out of school) or one failing grade and he will be put in the private school.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2016 14:27:30 GMT -5
If you are worried about him falling in with the wrong crowd and/or not doing well academic wise at the public school, just tell him you have a one and done policy. One significant behavior issue (in or out of school) or one failing grade and he will be put in the private school. Thought about that too. I'm a little worried at that point they just wouldn't take him, but it's a possibility. I guess I could threaten with the cyber school because apparently he loathes the idea of that even more for some reason.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2016 15:54:31 GMT -5
I emailed the recruiter at the private school today to line up the shadow day. I just realized it's over Spring Break for DS, so he'll appreciate going to school in the middle of it. I've been in contact with this woman for the past three years back to when we were going to send him in 7th grade and told her we were now on the fence but don't want to close any doors. I'm wondering if I should go through the entire application/financial aid process just in case?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2016 15:46:32 GMT -5
Just got a call from the mental health place, they HIRED somebody for him. LOL Ok, not specifically for him, but spurred by requests from the assistant principal and Family Services on his behalf, they decided that there was a need beyond DS at that school and are putting someone in place again. It had been several years since the Link program was there. They're sending me some paperwork to fill out and I'm not sure how long it will be after that, but she made it sound like not real long.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Mar 18, 2016 6:29:59 GMT -5
Have you discussed this with the Psychologist yet? Because I have the most socially awkward kid on the planet and he doesn't sound like that at all. He is actually quite happy. He is also fine with his friendship relationships as they are. What that sounds like to me is depression. I have a few family members and close friends who battled depression most of their lives. And the one thing I took away was that changing locations never worked for long. I took him back to the psychologist he used to see and he's met with Family Services case workers and the counselor at the school (numerous times). Nobody thinks he's depressed, just vocally impulsive with filtering issues, but he hasn't had a full assessment. He used to just throw down his work and say, "THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO GO KILL MYSELF!" and storm off to the nurses office...in Kindergarten. He couldn't have possibly even known what that meant back then. We found out Wednesday that the mental health program that we signed up for through the school is no longer offered at the Charter schools. Well, it is, but they don't have the staff to do everything in house like they do at the middle/high school. He'd have to be transported somewhere during the day. He's still on the list for that but it could take awhile. Meanwhile, I don't think he liked the kind of attention he got recently because it's been three weeks of stellar behavior. Not one office referral, caught up on his homework (almost) and totally pumped about going to high school (blah on that one ) If he is impulsive that is something to address for sure. Some suicides are born out of impulsivity. We seem to have a notion that they are all planned events for months and with notes, etc. They arent' all like that. They can be an impulsive event. So, learning how to control those impulsive thoughts and redirect them and not have such catastrophic thinking might be something they can help him with. Like oh , i failed the test so i will go jump off a bridge type thinking and instead, oh i failed the test, so i guess i better study harder next time. type thing.
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 8,017
|
Post by finnime on Mar 18, 2016 7:01:12 GMT -5
It's also true that that adolescents are in a wild stage. Impulsiveness is normal for them; life is rushing so fast at them while their physical, social and emotional levels of maturity are out of synch.
I'm glad your school system is adding a resource to work with kids at this school. On the positive side of the madness of adolescence, a little intervention can go a long way. Everything is set in Jello, not cement yet.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2016 19:39:34 GMT -5
Well, he had his shadow day at the private school today. He was so nervous when I dropped him off he looked like he was going to get blood drawn or something. But...HE LOVED IT. Go figure. When we showed up they had a big sign on the door welcoming him and the other 5 or 6 kids that were shadowing. They did it a little different than the high school. He didn't get paired up with just one kid and follow to all their classes, instead they kept the shadow group together and moved them around. In band they gave him a trombone so he could play along, he loves the band instructor and he said a lot of the classes were like the Montessori where the kids worked on their own (not sure I like that). He said he was walking down the hall and kids were yelling his name from their classes. I asked about the religion class because that was a stressor for him, and he said it wasn't that bad, but he'd have to read the bible.
He's at his Dad's tonight because I've been dying with the flu for the past few days, so I haven't talked to him a lot about it, but they obviously did a good job of sucking up to him today. Apparently they have an amazing lunch as well. He couldn't quit raving about that and the fact you could go through the line more than once.
|
|
sapphire12
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:02:12 GMT -5
Posts: 1,211
|
Post by sapphire12 on Mar 29, 2016 19:57:30 GMT -5
MPL -- I hope you feel better soon!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2016 20:02:56 GMT -5
MPL -- I hope you feel better soon! Thank you! I don't want to relive Sunday or Monday again any time soon, but today I've managed two pieces of toast and a bottle of Gatorade and am back on my computer, so things are looking up. Yesterday, the kids were totally on their own. The 13 year old handled barn chores and taking care of his brother all day. I think they watched a lot of Wild Kratts and it looks like an Easter Bunny exploded in our house, but they survived.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 29, 2016 22:28:04 GMT -5
Good job raising a responsible kid mpl.
Hope you feel better.
|
|
GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:33:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,291
|
Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Mar 30, 2016 7:57:46 GMT -5
Since he loved the private school so much, one approach you MIGHT take is for him to start high school there and keep the public school as your Plan B.
I say that because it is likely more difficult to be accepted into the private school IF one is struggling in public school, whereas the public school is obviously not admissions-based and would take him IF he is struggling at the private school.
(GRG is hoping the above makes sense since she is not fully caffeinated yet.)
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2016 8:17:18 GMT -5
Since he loved the private school so much, one approach you MIGHT take is for him to start high school there and keep the public school as your Plan B. I say that because it is likely more difficult to be accepted into the private school IF one is struggling in public school, whereas the public school is obviously not admissions-based and would take him IF he is struggling at the private school. (GRG is hoping the above makes sense since she is not fully caffeinated yet.) Yeah, I understand and was thinking that too. Another thing is the private has a scholarship program, every kid that graduates from there is guaranteed a 4 year scholarship to college. The amount is based on GPA, ACT score, extracurricular activities at the high school and number of years there, so if he only went 3 years he'd just get 75% of his award. Part of me had kind of hoped he'd come home saying he hated it and we could just move on with the public decision. No lie, not paying tuition is certainly more appealing, but I don't want to base my decision on that.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 30, 2016 8:44:58 GMT -5
Which place is better for him?
Putting all of your and his dad's dreams/issues/etc aside, try to figure that out.
I'm operating on very little sleep so I apologize if I'm not making sense.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2016 9:03:37 GMT -5
Which place is better for him? Putting all of your and his dad's dreams/issues/etc aside, try to figure that out. I'm operating on very little sleep so I apologize if I'm not making sense. This is the hard part and why I was kind of hoping he'd just hate one or the other. I envy those parents that seem to know their kids so well that they can confidently make these kinds of decisions. Me, not so much.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2016 13:04:09 GMT -5
One thing I'm not thrilled about with the private school, is their classes are pretty much set in stone all the way through. I mean there is the option of taking AP instead and you can choose your fine art and language, but not much for electives until your senior year. Having to take religion every semester is probably the main reason. Plus they only offer two years of German while the high school has 4. They have 4 years of Spanish, but German is what he's been looking forward to for a long time.
Blech. Hate decisions. I guess set in stone isn't bad. Keeps him from signing up for small animal care and birdhouse building...but there were some electives he put in for at the high school that seemed like classes he would really like. CAD drafting, Web design, etc.
|
|
beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
Posts: 2,184
|
Post by beergut on Mar 31, 2016 6:12:05 GMT -5
Is the private school mainly one track, college prep?
I went to private schools from K-12, and it was the best thing for me. I'm very appreciative that my parents made the sacrifices necessary to pay for a private school education. Where it helped me was the small classes, and I had many teachers that treated us like we were their kids. It meant we'd get yelled at when we screwed up academically or socially, but that can be a good thing. You knew the teachers truly cared.
At my high school, we didn't have locks on our lockers, either. It was a point of trust. If you were caught stealing, you were expelled. Zero tolerance. With what your parents were paying to send you there, if you were expelled, they'd kill you.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2016 7:54:32 GMT -5
Is the private school mainly one track, college prep? Yeah, it's definitely a college prep school. I submitted the application last night. Now I'm of course second guessing myself.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2016 8:16:10 GMT -5
Oh, and I was looking at the financial aid application this morning. It's $30 to apply and the first question is "How much can you afford to pay for tuition?". Seriously? What is the right answer here? If I have to I can pay the full amount, but I was kind of hoping they'd tell me. I know they give out lots of Aid and income-wise I'm probably one of the more impoverished parents... Seems like if I put the full amount I'm just tossing away the $30 FA application fee!
|
|
beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
Posts: 2,184
|
Post by beergut on Mar 31, 2016 14:13:18 GMT -5
If you can pay the full amount, you can pay the full amount. If you want them to consider your son for financial aid, you can always indicate what percentage of your income the tuition represents, and that you are a single mom.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 14, 2024 3:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2016 14:54:53 GMT -5
If you can pay the full amount, you can pay the full amount. If you want them to consider your son for financial aid, you can always indicate what percentage of your income the tuition represents, and that you are a single mom. Yeah, I know that's the right answer....just sucks. They keep pushing how much grant money they have to give out and how so few pay full fare even though I know a lot are wealthy, but the financial aid application asks questions like how much credit card debt do you have and how high is your car payment. Seems like I'm getting penalized for scrimping and saving and not taking on debt. While engineers and doctors are getting grants me with an AGI of 25K pays full fare.
|
|