cael
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Post by cael on Dec 14, 2015 14:06:15 GMT -5
DH and I are on the same page with cars, surprisingly that's one thing I never had to try and break him of (among other bad financial habits, I mean). We both believe in buy and drive until it isn't worth fixing or unsafe. Our 1999 Camry is looking a tad beat up and has 215k or something on it, but still drives DH to work and back fine, so we have no plans to that car until it quits on us. My Yaris is only 5 years old, we've put kind of a lot of miles on it, but it'll be paid off in 2 years and we hope to drive it far beyond that. DH does want a pickup at some point down the road... as long as it's affordable for us I don't have an issue with it, but trucks seem expensive I'm cheap and even paying $11.5k for my Yaris, which was only one model year old at the time, seemed spendy to me. I will spend what I need to spend to have a decent safe car, not a junk box for two hundred bucks like my parents drove my whole childhood, but I just can't fathom spending $20k+ on a vehicle It seems crazy to me.
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 14, 2015 14:10:10 GMT -5
Thing 1 was showing me some vine or something the other day of a kitten going down a slide. The mama cat went and got it only for a different kitten to go down the slide. At the end, Thing 1 goes "damn kids!" She may or may not have heard me say it about a billion times. when I was in high school I had a hamster that had babies. We had no idea she was pregnant - we just came downstairs to her in her tank with like 10 little baby hamsters. she still had the wheel in there and she'd use it while the babies were all piled up. Sometimes one of them wandered over to her and got stuck in the wheel. She'd stop running, put it back in the pile/nest, and go back to running. It got so bad that we took her wheel. Then she started climbing up her water bottle in an attempt to escape. So we had a ball-type wheel set up for her and she was happy.... until the babies starting getting stuck in that. I learned three things from that experience: 1) verify pet gender prior to taking it home 2) all parents need a break sometimes. 3) kids ruin everything. 4) now that I've had kids, I understand why hamsters eat their young. Sometimes it just seems like the only way out and/or the best alternative.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2015 14:12:49 GMT -5
DW and I have always been on the same page of buy new and drive 200k miles but with two recent promotions are both kind of wondering at the same time if we shouldn't enjoy the fruits of our labor a bit more and upgrade the 9 year old Nissan with 130k miles, especially after having been stranded by it 1000 miles away and having to sit all day at a repair shop to get it home.
I want a new CTS-V, she wants a new X5.......
OK that won't happen, neither of us could stomach spending that much on a vehicle.
Either we buy something more modest or keep the Nissan another 70k, the smart money is on the Nissan another 70k, it is just a process to get there.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 14, 2015 14:13:51 GMT -5
Dh and I don't have combined finances. We are pretty much on the same page regarding car purchases, though neither of us really gets involved in the other's decision unless specifically asked. After he found out his old car was rusted from the inside out and needed replaced, he went one day to the dealership while I was at work, called me at one point to say, this seems like a good deal (to which I agreed) and when I got home he had a new car. I didn't know until that phone call that he was the dealership. I pretty much have PTSD from my last car buying experience, so I'm fine that he went without me. But here's why it was really ok: WE ARE THE SAME PAGE FINANCIALLY. Forget buying a car or going on vacation or whatever. The real issue is finances as a whole. And we both are working towards the same goal. Which is for me to be able to retire earlier than most, as he's a bit older than me and is already semi-retired. I trust him to make good financial decisions. And the ONE TIME he's made a bad financial decision since we've been together, it was a small blip on the radar. We could afford that blip, and it wouldn't have been a blip, but for other really good things happening in our lives at that time. I don't think you're going to win this one, OP. You don't have combined finances aren't engaged/married. I can't remember if you live with your GF full time, or just part time. But this just seems to be another symptom of a major problem between the two of you. Good luck. Plus there are the GF's kids involved, which I was unaware of from previous posts. That's a whole 'nother level of problems. Now you not only have the GF using the OP as an EF, the kids are learning how to lean in for the money, and will pull the same stunt. This isn't about cars or car buying. You could substitute any big ticket purchase in place of the cars and the issue would still be there. It's about power and control, and the ability to dictate because one person holds the key to the cash and makes the other dance to the right tune. I don't think the OP can tell his GF where, when and how to spend her money, foolish as a 72 month car payment may be. Then again, as those payments drag on, and the 17-year-old whines about being deprived of something else because so much extra money is going out the door, the OP needs to have a steel spine and balls and not fork over any emergency buyout funds because GF's funds run short. Now it really is her problem. She made the decision to let thousands of additional bucks go to the bank or loan company; she has to live with that consequence.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2015 14:15:37 GMT -5
My Yaris is only 5 years old, we've put kind of a lot of miles on it, but it'll be paid off in 2 years and we hope to drive it far beyond that. The Yaris is our other vehicle, 5 years old with 60k miles, it is a Sedan (the last year they made them). We have had zero issues with it and are made fun of by our car enthusiast friends often. I think the thing seriously has like 5 moving parts. I can definitely see holding onto that one for 200k miles.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Dec 14, 2015 14:21:39 GMT -5
My Yaris is only 5 years old, we've put kind of a lot of miles on it, but it'll be paid off in 2 years and we hope to drive it far beyond that. The Yaris is our other vehicle, 5 years old with 60k miles, it is a Sedan (the last year they made them). We have had zero issues with it and are made fun of by our car enthusiast friends often. I think the thing seriously has like 5 moving parts. I can definitely see holding onto that one for 200k miles. If you take care of it, you should get a ton more life out of it. I love Toyotas. Toyota Thon is on right now and it's so hard to resist trading my car in. I may do it next year. I don't like the one I have, but there's nothing wrong with it other than it's an automatic. I would much rather have a manual transmission. But I got a steal on it.
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 14, 2015 14:22:32 GMT -5
I want a new CTS-V, she wants a new X5.......
Those are the exact types of cars where you can make out like a bandit if you are willing to buy a 2-3 year old one that has just rolled off lease. They were usually driven by a salesperson or other employee that has a car allowance or by a person who values having the latest shiny toy, so they are always kept clean and pristine. Most leases have limited miles, so they'll be low miles as well. And they'll be less than 2/3 the price of a new one.
But neither of those cars is one you'll want to keep until it has 200k miles on it. Unless you put those miles on quickly - like 40k a year - so it's still a relatively newish year with high miles.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Dec 14, 2015 14:23:39 GMT -5
We're on the same page, buy new and hold.
My car is 7 years, 110k miles. DH is 3 years 15k miles (he has almost no commute). When my car dies I'll likely take his and "let him" have the new one.
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cael
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Post by cael on Dec 14, 2015 14:28:05 GMT -5
My Yaris is only 5 years old, we've put kind of a lot of miles on it, but it'll be paid off in 2 years and we hope to drive it far beyond that. The Yaris is our other vehicle, 5 years old with 60k miles, it is a Sedan (the last year they made them). We have had zero issues with it and are made fun of by our car enthusiast friends often. I think the thing seriously has like 5 moving parts. I can definitely see holding onto that one for 200k miles. Mine's the sedan too! Not a huge fan of the hatchbacks... although a 4-door hatch would've been OK. Did they not make the sedan ones after 2011? Interesting because for all the hatchbacks I see, I see a lot of the sedan ones around. It was a rental in its former life, so when I got it it had almost 40k on it already. 3 years in and I'm almost at 90k now. It's been really low maintenance so far, had to have a spark plug under the hood replaced because the fan wasn't working the way it should, but that was cheap. I think brakes are coming soon and it needs a tune up but definitely been happy with it so far. We are hoping to get it to 200k at least, long as nothing catastrophic happens to it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2015 14:42:50 GMT -5
The Yaris is our other vehicle, 5 years old with 60k miles, it is a Sedan (the last year they made them). We have had zero issues with it and are made fun of by our car enthusiast friends often. I think the thing seriously has like 5 moving parts. I can definitely see holding onto that one for 200k miles. Mine's the sedan too! Not a huge fan of the hatchbacks... although a 4-door hatch would've been OK. Did they not make the sedan ones after 2011? Interesting because for all the hatchbacks I see, I see a lot of the sedan ones around. It was a rental in its former life, so when I got it it had almost 40k on it already. 3 years in and I'm almost at 90k now. It's been really low maintenance so far, had to have a spark plug under the hood replaced because the fan wasn't working the way it should, but that was cheap. I think brakes are coming soon and it needs a tune up but definitely been happy with it so far. We are hoping to get it to 200k at least, long as nothing catastrophic happens to it. Yup, in the US at least 2011 was the last year for the Sedan (ours is a 2010). The reason we got it was because DW was given one as a rental and liked it. We test drove both the sedan and hatch, but at 6'4 for me the hatch was a definite no.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Dec 14, 2015 14:56:58 GMT -5
Thing 1 was showing me some vine or something the other day of a kitten going down a slide. The mama cat went and got it only for a different kitten to go down the slide. At the end, Thing 1 goes "damn kids!" She may or may not have heard me say it about a billion times. when I was in high school I had a hamster that had babies. We had no idea she was pregnant - we just came downstairs to her in her tank with like 10 little baby hamsters. she still had the wheel in there and she'd use it while the babies were all piled up. Sometimes one of them wandered over to her and got stuck in the wheel. She'd stop running, put it back in the pile/nest, and go back to running. It got so bad that we took her wheel. Then she started climbing up her water bottle in an attempt to escape. So we had a ball-type wheel set up for her and she was happy.... until the babies starting getting stuck in that. I learned three things from that experience: 1) verify pet gender prior to taking it home2) all parents need a break sometimes. 3) kids ruin everything. I learned that lesson too when my brother thought he bought two male mice, but actually got a breeding pair. I also learned that mice breed quickly, and they will eat their young. I think that second lesson made it easier for me to work with lab mice. They are baby-eating monsters!
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cael
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Post by cael on Dec 14, 2015 14:58:15 GMT -5
Mine's the sedan too! Not a huge fan of the hatchbacks... although a 4-door hatch would've been OK. Did they not make the sedan ones after 2011? Interesting because for all the hatchbacks I see, I see a lot of the sedan ones around. It was a rental in its former life, so when I got it it had almost 40k on it already. 3 years in and I'm almost at 90k now. It's been really low maintenance so far, had to have a spark plug under the hood replaced because the fan wasn't working the way it should, but that was cheap. I think brakes are coming soon and it needs a tune up but definitely been happy with it so far. We are hoping to get it to 200k at least, long as nothing catastrophic happens to it. Yup, in the US at least 2011 was the last year for the Sedan (ours is a 2010). The reason we got it was because DW was given one as a rental and liked it. We test drove both the sedan and hatch, but at 6'4 for me the hatch was a definite no. I was surprised for a small car how roomy it is inside - I can see the hatch not being quite as big. I'd like the hatch for the slightly larger trunk space it might offer, but overall the space inside is fine for us. DH is 5'9"ish and I'm 5'3" so no worries there - I do hope a stroller will fit ok in the trunk though..
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 14, 2015 16:59:13 GMT -5
I'm glad there's other moms who aren't all sunshine and roses about the whole motherhood thing. The FB friends who say stuff like "being a parent is awesome!" and "it's the best thing I've ever done!" make me want to throw things. I believe all that (but don't post that on facebook), but I also believe I've never been so tired in my life and never will be again. DD is 4 and low sleep needs. It's hard. Really hard. She is a wonderful child and more than I could ever hope for. I just miss my sleep.
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obelisk
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Post by obelisk on Dec 14, 2015 18:12:55 GMT -5
So Beergut, from all the posts received, what is your take and how will you handle this conundrum. People want to know. What is your take before your start another GF money related thread?
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 15, 2015 0:32:00 GMT -5
Next year, its going to be the 15yr/old who will need a car. A car for the 15 yr old was already planned for and bought earlier this year. She has learned to drive in it, and is set to get it once she receives her license in January.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 15, 2015 0:43:06 GMT -5
I agree with her that what kind of car she gets is none of your concern. If you aren't going to be paying for it in any way, you get no input. You are not her husband nor are you the child's father. If you are going to pay for it, you decide. It's that simple. Normally, I would completely agree with you, but she has asked for my opinion. When I tried to completely stay out of the situation and let her handle it on her own (buying the replacement car for the 17 yr old), she ended up buying a lemon in a bad deal. The problem with the "if you're not going to be paying for it, you get no input" is that even if I don't offer a single dollar toward the purchase of this car, I'm going to be paying for it somewhere else. If she makes a bad financial decision and ends up short because of that, I'm going to be picking up the slack. Bottom line is that I'm not going to let the kids starve, or go without necessities because mom made a poor decision buying a car. Much easier to try to keep her from making a poor decision that digs her hole deeper in the first place.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 15, 2015 0:49:56 GMT -5
Since she's a GF (not fiancée), I agree. Still, if the relationship gets more serious, it's a discrepancy between her spending philosophies and his, that they will need to address. My first marriage was an extreme example, but my first husband spent everything he made and then maxed out his credit cards. I was a saver. If the roof needed replacement or the water heater died, guess who had to come up with the money. So, even if one person in a marriage or other serious partnership generates enough income to pay for their "wants", their priorities affect the couple's finances and their future. If one person buys the most expensive car they can afford and takes on a 72-month car loan, they're tying up a ton of money that can't be used for anything else. It then becomes the other partner's business. True. But he knows this needs to be worked on with her. He instead ignores it and tries to control the situation and her instead. Then comes here with a bragplaint about how he has to keep bailing her out. It's past old and at this point, I gotta wonder why either one keeps the other around if this is the way that they deal with issues. Ignores it? Tries to control the situation and her? Bragplaint? I can assure you, I would much rather be writing about how I'm with someone who has learned from past financial mistakes and is building their wealth while living below their means instead of trying to figure out how to keep someone from continually attempting Russian roulette with their finances.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 15, 2015 1:05:51 GMT -5
So Beergut, from all the posts received, what is your take and how will you handle this conundrum. People want to know. What is your take before your start another GF money related thread? We went to a dealership and bought a car. It wasn't her 'dream' car, but it was close. She wanted a 2014 Honda Accord, I found a 2012 Accord with low mileage and a lower price. Deal ended up saving her about $10k. I found out it isn't that her credit is bad, as she told me, but that she essentially has no current credit history. She was hit in the Blue Cross security breech, and put a credit freeze on her account. She hasn't charged anything in a few years, so she literally had a credit report that showed no history. No credit history means they try to give you their highest interest rate. She had told me before that she was a 'people pleaser', but I didn't realize how much until today. On the 2014 car, she had been talking most of Saturday with a salesman who had been able to put together a deal for her. She felt they had developed something of a relationship and was worried about telling him we had taken another deal. She told me to call and tell him, so I did. He didn't answer, so I called back and left a message with his receptionist. He called me back, told me he felt blindsided, didn't know we were looking around, told me he worked his ass off to set this up, etc. GF could only hear my side of the conversation, but genuinely felt terrible about the whole thing. She told me after I hung up that she 'felt shitty' about doing that to him. This is a guy who was going to royally screw her over, and she felt bad about telling him no!! But that is part of her personality, she felt this guy was nice to her and didn't want to make him unhappy. She really had her heart set on that 2014 because of all the bells and whistles it had, and when I asked her if she was happy with the 'new' car, she told me she was 'content'. I could see she wasn't as excited about it as she had been about the 2014. I drove off to work, and then came back to her office to have her sign some paperwork unrelated to the car purchase. She was in a much better mood, came out smiling, and even gave me a 'thank you' note she had written, which was sweet. When I was on my way back to my office, she sent me a long text telling me how she didn't want me to think she was unhappy, she was very happy she ended up with the car she wanted, and I helped save her some money. I suspect her attitude change came about because she realized that even though she didn't get what she 'wanted', she did end up with what she needed, and it allows her to give her day-driver to the 17 yr old, so her ultimate goals were met.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 15, 2015 3:02:18 GMT -5
Well, problem solved Until the next time. No one likes to be controlled. It creates resentment. Both of you are resentful about money and both of you seem to feel resentful. It's not a good feeling. But you know all this and both of you keep on the same path. Its all been said before.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 15, 2015 3:30:05 GMT -5
So Beergut, from all the posts received, what is your take and how will you handle this conundrum. People want to know. What is your take before your start another GF money related thread? We went to a dealership and bought a car. It wasn't her 'dream' car, but it was close. She wanted a 2014 Honda Accord, I found a 2012 Accord with low mileage and a lower price. Deal ended up saving her about $10k. I found out it isn't that her credit is bad, as she told me, but that she essentially has no current credit history. She was hit in the Blue Cross security breech, and put a credit freeze on her account. She hasn't charged anything in a few years, so she literally had a credit report that showed no history. No credit history means they try to give you their highest interest rate. She had told me before that she was a 'people pleaser', but I didn't realize how much until today. On the 2014 car, she had been talking most of Saturday with a salesman who had been able to put together a deal for her. She felt they had developed something of a relationship and was worried about telling him we had taken another deal. She told me to call and tell him, so I did. He didn't answer, so I called back and left a message with his receptionist. He called me back, told me he felt blindsided, didn't know we were looking around, told me he worked his ass off to set this up, etc. GF could only hear my side of the conversation, but genuinely felt terrible about the whole thing. She told me after I hung up that she 'felt shitty' about doing that to him. This is a guy who was going to royally screw her over, and she felt bad about telling him no!! But that is part of her personality, she felt this guy was nice to her and didn't want to make him unhappy. She really had her heart set on that 2014 because of all the bells and whistles it had, and when I asked her if she was happy with the 'new' car, she told me she was 'content'. I could see she wasn't as excited about it as she had been about the 2014. I drove off to work, and then came back to her office to have her sign some paperwork unrelated to the car purchase. She was in a much better mood, came out smiling, and even gave me a 'thank you' note she had written, which was sweet. When I was on my way back to my office, she sent me a long text telling me how she didn't want me to think she was unhappy, she was very happy she ended up with the car she wanted, and I helped save her some money. I suspect her attitude change came about because she realized that even though she didn't get what she 'wanted', she did end up with what she needed, and it allows her to give her day-driver to the 17 yr old, so her ultimate goals were met. Reading your third paragraph made me LOL. Only a guy would believe this.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2015 7:37:40 GMT -5
You saved 10k with a 2 year old Honda Accord? I'm assuming from your text that this is mainly because it was a different model/package?
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Dec 15, 2015 7:40:18 GMT -5
So Beergut, from all the posts received, what is your take and how will you handle this conundrum. People want to know. What is your take before your start another GF money related thread? We went to a dealership and bought a car. It wasn't her 'dream' car, but it was close. She wanted a 2014 Honda Accord, I found a 2012 Accord with low mileage and a lower price. Deal ended up saving her about $10k. I found out it isn't that her credit is bad, as she told me, but that she essentially has no current credit history. She was hit in the Blue Cross security breech, and put a credit freeze on her account. She hasn't charged anything in a few years, so she literally had a credit report that showed no history. No credit history means they try to give you their highest interest rate. She had told me before that she was a 'people pleaser', but I didn't realize how much until today. On the 2014 car, she had been talking most of Saturday with a salesman who had been able to put together a deal for her. She felt they had developed something of a relationship and was worried about telling him we had taken another deal. She told me to call and tell him, so I did. He didn't answer, so I called back and left a message with his receptionist. He called me back, told me he felt blindsided, didn't know we were looking around, told me he worked his ass off to set this up, etc. GF could only hear my side of the conversation, but genuinely felt terrible about the whole thing. She told me after I hung up that she 'felt shitty' about doing that to him. This is a guy who was going to royally screw her over, and she felt bad about telling him no!! But that is part of her personality, she felt this guy was nice to her and didn't want to make him unhappy. She really had her heart set on that 2014 because of all the bells and whistles it had, and when I asked her if she was happy with the 'new' car, she told me she was 'content'. I could see she wasn't as excited about it as she had been about the 2014. I drove off to work, and then came back to her office to have her sign some paperwork unrelated to the car purchase. She was in a much better mood, came out smiling, and even gave me a 'thank you' note she had written, which was sweet. When I was on my way back to my office, she sent me a long text telling me how she didn't want me to think she was unhappy, she was very happy she ended up with the car she wanted, and I helped save her some money. I suspect her attitude change came about because she realized that even though she didn't get what she 'wanted', she did end up with what she needed, and it allows her to give her day-driver to the 17 yr old, so her ultimate goals were met. The only reason a car salesweasel would need to "work his ass off" to "set up" a sale would be if he were very new and green. If he's not a brand new salesweasel, he's lying. If he is a brand new salesweasel, he benefited from the learning experience. In any event, he's just miffed because he recognized that he was dealing with a people pleaser and had visions of a big fat commission at her expense.
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 15, 2015 8:37:29 GMT -5
You saved 10k with a 2 year old Honda Accord? I'm assuming from your text that this is mainly because it was a different model/package? The Accord had a redesign in 2013. So if they're looking at a used Accord from overpriced dealer lots and outfitted with all the bells and whistles including the Yosemite Sam mudflaps, the "difference" between a 2014 (new design) and 2012 (old design) could be $10k.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 15, 2015 8:39:41 GMT -5
The problem with the "if you're not going to be paying for it, you get no input" is that even if I don't offer a single dollar toward the purchase of this car, I'm going to be paying for it somewhere else. If she makes a bad financial decision and ends up short because of that, I'm going to be picking up the slack. Bottom line is that I'm not going to let the kids starve, or go without necessities because mom made a poor decision buying a car. Much easier to try to keep her from making a poor decision that digs her hole deeper in the first place. What you are doing, and modeling to those girls is unhealthy. I've been there and have the t-shirt. Making sure kids have food is not the hallmark of a good parent/parental figure. Lots of shitty parents out there manage to emotionally/mentally screw up kids and still put food on the table and make sure their kids have a roof over their head and clothes to wear. If you really loved those girls, you'd figure out to have an emotionally healthy relationship with your girlfriend.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2015 8:43:01 GMT -5
A 2012 at this time of year is more like 3-4 years old.
That said, I could see if it's high options versus low options. But a flat basic model 2015 (end year clearance if you can get one) to a 2013 the same (2014 if all new left are 2016) I didn't think the difference would be so great. And if it was I might wonder about the car I was getting...
Eta: I see! It was 2014 vs 2012... Don't know why I was thinking new and two years older? You could be right about model change adding to difference.
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 15, 2015 8:46:03 GMT -5
The problem with the "if you're not going to be paying for it, you get no input" is that even if I don't offer a single dollar toward the purchase of this car, I'm going to be paying for it somewhere else. If she makes a bad financial decision and ends up short because of that, I'm going to be picking up the slack. Bottom line is that I'm not going to let the kids starve, or go without necessities because mom made a poor decision buying a car. Much easier to try to keep her from making a poor decision that digs her hole deeper in the first place. What you are doing, and modeling to those girls is unhealthy. I've been there and have the t-shirt. Making sure kids have food is not the hallmark of a good parent/parental figure. Lots of shitty parents out there manage to emotionally/mentally screw up kids and still put food on the table and make sure their kids have a roof over their head and clothes to wear. If you really loved those girls, you'd figure out to have an emotionally healthy relationship with your girlfriend. Wait, you mean training the teenage girls that a man is in charge of important financial decisions, a man needs to step in and keep a woman from "making a poor decision", some male rescuer will dig her out of any problems she has and that she needs to play games with guys to get toys and trinkets is not a healthy thing? Those girls need to learn early on that it's fine for a guy to pressure them into doing things they may not like or want - because he really knows best.
And it's so nice that this particular white knight knows exactly how to handle the ladies. Replying to female criticism with "bitch, please" and a picture that appears to show a raised fist poised to put the bitch in her place shows real class. Swoon.
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milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
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Post by milee on Dec 15, 2015 8:50:53 GMT -5
A 2012 at this time of year is more like 3-4 years old. That said, I could see if it's high options versus low options. But a flat basic model 2015 (end year clearance if you can get one) to a 2013 the same (2014 if all new left are 2016) I didn't think the difference would be so great. And if it was I might wonder about the car I was getting... Eta: I see! It was 2014 vs 2012... Don't know why I was thinking new and two years older? You could be right about model change adding to difference. Hey, be careful not to question the negotiation skills of The Man. It was his incredible skill that got that awesome deal, not trifling things like change in model years or option depreciation.
Keep up this doubting and he'll have to put you in your place. Silly bitch.
Play nice or you won't get a jar of homemade salad dressing for Valentimes Day.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,070
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 15, 2015 9:30:19 GMT -5
would much rather be writing about how I'm with someone who has learned from past financial mistakes and is building their wealth while living below their means instead of trying to figure out how to keep someone from continually attempting Russian roulette with their finances.
How about you stop trying?
I think you enjoy getting to feel superior/getting to be a martyr and riding to her rescue. Otherwise why would you keep banging your head against the wall?
If she hasn't gotten the message now, she's not going to. So either you enjoy your arrangement or there is something else in the relationship that makes it worth putting up with her.
If it is the latter then you're going to have to learn to live with her finanical faults. Either you will need to step up to be a more equal contributor/take over the household finances as opposed to only paying for treats and bail outs. OR you are going to have to have completely separate finances and accept she's going to f*ck hers up from time to time.
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Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 15, 2015 9:32:18 GMT -5
We went to a dealership and bought a car. It wasn't her 'dream' car, but it was close. She wanted a 2014 Honda Accord, I found a 2012 Accord with low mileage and a lower price. Deal ended up saving her about $10k. I found out it isn't that her credit is bad, as she told me, but that she essentially has no current credit history. She was hit in the Blue Cross security breech, and put a credit freeze on her account. She hasn't charged anything in a few years, so she literally had a credit report that showed no history. No credit history means they try to give you their highest interest rate. She had told me before that she was a 'people pleaser', but I didn't realize how much until today. On the 2014 car, she had been talking most of Saturday with a salesman who had been able to put together a deal for her. She felt they had developed something of a relationship and was worried about telling him we had taken another deal. She told me to call and tell him, so I did. He didn't answer, so I called back and left a message with his receptionist. He called me back, told me he felt blindsided, didn't know we were looking around, told me he worked his ass off to set this up, etc. GF could only hear my side of the conversation, but genuinely felt terrible about the whole thing. She told me after I hung up that she 'felt shitty' about doing that to him. This is a guy who was going to royally screw her over, and she felt bad about telling him no!! But that is part of her personality, she felt this guy was nice to her and didn't want to make him unhappy. She really had her heart set on that 2014 because of all the bells and whistles it had, and when I asked her if she was happy with the 'new' car, she told me she was 'content'. I could see she wasn't as excited about it as she had been about the 2014. I drove off to work, and then came back to her office to have her sign some paperwork unrelated to the car purchase. She was in a much better mood, came out smiling, and even gave me a 'thank you' note she had written, which was sweet. When I was on my way back to my office, she sent me a long text telling me how she didn't want me to think she was unhappy, she was very happy she ended up with the car she wanted, and I helped save her some money. I suspect her attitude change came about because she realized that even though she didn't get what she 'wanted', she did end up with what she needed, and it allows her to give her day-driver to the 17 yr old, so her ultimate goals were met. The only reason a car salesweasel would need to "work his ass off" to "set up" a sale would be if he were very new and green. If he's not a brand new salesweasel, he's lying. If he is a brand new salesweasel, he benefited from the learning experience. In any event, he's just miffed because he recognized that he was dealing with a people pleaser and had visions of a big fat commission at her expense. . Love the term, salesweasel. I dated one of these way back when. They have a saying--there's an ass for every seat. Remember that when you feel sorry for them.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 6:26:25 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2015 9:34:48 GMT -5
Wait, you mean training the teenage girls that a man is in charge of important financial decisions, a man needs to step in and keep a woman from "making a poor decision", some male rescuer will dig her out of any problems she has and that she needs to play games with guys to get toys and trinkets is not a healthy thing? Those girls need to learn early on that it's fine for a guy to pressure them into doing things they may not like or want - because he really knows best. Sexist, are we? GF asked for his advice. He gave it to her and kept her from committing an uncomfortable % of her discretionary income on a "want". (I understand that, to her, the additional car was a necessity, but brand-new with all the bells and whistles was a "want".) The teenage girls are learning lessons about financial decision-making that they can't learn from their mother. And I've been in the position of picking up the slack when my first husband lived beyond his means, and it started early in the relationship. It got old real fast but by then we were married and had DS. When my sister got out of Med school, my BIL (who had worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time to get her through Med school since they had 3 little girls) asked her to hide money in a savings account that he didn't know about so he wouldn't be tempted to spend it. He now manages the family investments, but he knew he had some things to learn first. My DH doesn't really like to deal with money and keeps a minimal amount in his checking account for walking-around money. Every month when he gets his SS, he writes me a large check. It goes into my account and I pay all the bills. I should also mention that I hate buying cars so much that DH bought our older one while I was out of the country (we exchanged e-mails when he narrowed them down to a short list) and also bought the second one with no input from me except the final choice, and writing the check to the seller. Both our marriages are happy partnerships of equals. OP, at least the GF didn't do what my DH's previous GF did. She was a social worker, so didn't make much money. He ended up taking on credit card debt (which he hasn't done since) propping her up. They discussed it and agreed that they'd look for a sensible low-mileage used car. One day she drove up in a shiny new car. Well, she'd passed a dealership and they had signs advertising a big sale and they offered her a deal good only for one day...
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