beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 22, 2015 5:10:08 GMT -5
I have re-read that thread, and it is very apparent throughout that I was joking with you. If you feel 'skewered' after me teasing you about a grammar mistake, and then feel me asking if your phone autocorrects a term is 'demanding', I can't help you. Hell, I even said I was trying to figure out why I was seeing the same mistake so often, thus my question. If you read that thread (especially the last three posts), and think that was an attack on you, my only conclusion is that you are a profoundly sensitive person.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2015 5:22:07 GMT -5
Oh, I in no way felt you were joking when I read it. Your intended tone might have been different, but that is not how it came across at all.
What is the interest rate on that car?
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 22, 2015 5:46:42 GMT -5
Yes. "Because if you pay this note out to term, you will get killed with this interest rate." "Okay." It turns out she hasn't pored through all of the paperwork she signed, while I have already read through it. I think she is more worried about getting everything ready for Christmas, and more immediate needs today, than thinking about next month. In her mind, she needed a car, she got a car, move on to the next task. To be fair she has 3 kids at home. While mine are at lot younger, it is a matter of finding time to sit and read everything uninterrupted and sometimes it just doesn't happen. I'm lucky right now if I can sit and read a Christmas Card uninterrupted. Last week, DH and I were trying to decide if he should go the ER and we couldn't complete the conversation without the kids asking for us. I don't have an issue with her not having read the paperwork yet, she gave it to me immediately after signing so we could get the auto policy written. The bigger issue is that GF is one of those people who believes salesmen. If they tell her she is getting a good deal, she believes it. This is one of the reasons she wanted the other car so much, she was convinced she was getting a great deal because the salesman told her she was (and it had some bells and whistles she really wanted on it). I am a lot more cynical when it comes to sales, and am always trying to figure out where they're trying to stick it to us.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 22, 2015 6:12:51 GMT -5
DH was the same way. That's the nice thing about a real partnership, you balance each other out.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Dec 22, 2015 6:36:38 GMT -5
If she is so incapable of buying a car, why did you let her go to the lot alone? Why not take control of that too? And if she really agreed to a car loan without knowing the terms, then whatever terms are in the note, she should just deal with. And did she not already have auto insurance? Are you also saying that she is incapable of calling the insurance company and processing a vehicle change? Good thing you're around to "rescue" her all the time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2015 6:47:14 GMT -5
I have re-read that thread, and it is very apparent throughout that I was joking with you. If you feel 'skewered' after me teasing you about a grammar mistake, and then feel me asking if your phone autocorrects a term is 'demanding', I can't help you. Hell, I even said I was trying to figure out why I was seeing the same mistake so often, thus my question. If you read that thread (especially the last three posts), and think that was an attack on you, my only conclusion is that you are a profoundly sensitive person. There you go again, another personal attack and you don't even realize it. This is a perfect example why you don't get it and how all the advice in this thread will not help you with your relationship. I am not sensitive to it, I just pity you.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 22, 2015 7:43:32 GMT -5
I see the point and value in a lot of what's being said here, but I also feel that most of you get some sort of sexual thrill in taking certain posters down a peg. I understand this is a (relatively) free message board, but come on. This is the best that a bunch of reasonably intelligent people can do?
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 22, 2015 9:14:44 GMT -5
I see the opposite. A poster's story is generally viewed as valid and most of the other posters are supportive initially.
Over time, as the story develops, details are added or questions answered, people realize their initial impression and support may have been misguided and express that.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 22, 2015 9:16:39 GMT -5
To be fair she has 3 kids at home. While mine are at lot younger, it is a matter of finding time to sit and read everything uninterrupted and sometimes it just doesn't happen. I'm lucky right now if I can sit and read a Christmas Card uninterrupted. Last week, DH and I were trying to decide if he should go the ER and we couldn't complete the conversation without the kids asking for us. I don't have an issue with her not having read the paperwork yet, she gave it to me immediately after signing so we could get the auto policy written. The bigger issue is that GF is one of those people who believes salesmen. If they tell her she is getting a good deal, she believes it. This is one of the reasons she wanted the other car so much, she was convinced she was getting a great deal because the salesman told her she was (and it had some bells and whistles she really wanted on it). I am a lot more cynical when it comes to sales, and am always trying to figure out where they're trying to stick it to us. Then why didn't you go with her instead of lecturing her after the fact? DH is terrible with salesmen, we both know it so my dad went with him when we had to purchase another vehicle. My dad is excellent at negociations and is also a mechanic. You don't let her go and then lecture her about how stupid her decision was after the fact. If you want to be an actual partner say something like "Hey honey mind if I come with you? I'm pretty good at haggling so I think I might be able to get you a better deal on that car you want". \ All your current way of doing things does is make her dig her heels in harder b/c you are treating her like a child and makes you resent her b/c she should just know your way is the right way.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2015 9:29:16 GMT -5
I see the point and value in a lot of what's being said here, but I also feel that most of you get some sort of sexual thrill in taking certain posters down a peg. I understand this is a (relatively) free message board, but come on. This is the best that a bunch of reasonably intelligent people can do? MJ, this is an ongoing matter. I'm not sure if you have followed other threads on this topic? For myself, when questions are asked like, 'Beer, what is wrong with/what do you have against giving her a set sum every month and seeing how she works with an actual opportunity to budget"... And it NEVER gets answered.... When you ask 'what is the interest rate?'... And it NEVER gets answered.... Well, the information given, in the tone given (as much as tone can be determined online), coupled with the consistent avoidance of providing meaningful bits of information or even attempting to address a line of advice, means my own perception of 'the problem' and approach to 'the answer' evolve. Beer hasn't really show that he is or desires reasonable in this matter, what he desires is total capitulation to his version of events and desired outcomes. That isn't really what we do here...
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Dec 22, 2015 9:34:00 GMT -5
What we've got here, is failure to communicate.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 22, 2015 9:37:40 GMT -5
I see the point and value in a lot of what's being said here, but I also feel that most of you get some sort of sexual thrill in taking certain posters down a peg. I understand this is a (relatively) free message board, but come on. This is the best that a bunch of reasonably intelligent people can do? MJ, this is an ongoing matter. I'm not sure if you have followed other threads on this topic? For myself, when questions are asked like, 'Beer, what is wrong with/what do you have against giving her a set sum every month and seeing how she works with an actual opportunity to budget"... And it NEVER gets answered.... When you ask 'what is the interest rate?'... And it NEVER gets answered.... Well, the information given, in the tone given (as much as tone can be determined online), coupled with the consistent avoidance of providing meaningful bits of information or even attempting to address a line of advice, means my own perception of 'the problem' and approach to 'the answer' evolve. Beer hasn't really show that he is or desires reasonable in this matter, what he desires is total capitulation to his version of events and desired outcomes. That isn't really what we do here... I have. I know it's an ongoing issue. I guess I just don't see the point in trying to get blood from a stone. If you can't get any more helpful information from him, then I'd just give up. Then again, we never did that with The Dox... but her replies were everything, lol!
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Dec 22, 2015 10:26:29 GMT -5
I see the point and value in a lot of what's being said here, but I also feel that most of you get some sort of sexual thrill in taking certain posters down a peg. I understand this is a (relatively) free message board, but come on. This is the best that a bunch of reasonably intelligent people can do? I agree and disagree. Some people do have to always be right. I think most is a bit of a stretch. But come on, how many times have we all said the same thing to him and he ignores that part and just keeps complaining? It's so bad that on one thread we all were even wondering if he was actually "she who shall remain nameless" using a different screen name. People just say the same thing over and over only to be ignored or personally attacked. I don't blame some people for then letting the claws come out a little.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Dec 22, 2015 10:29:15 GMT -5
MJ, this is an ongoing matter. I'm not sure if you have followed other threads on this topic? For myself, when questions are asked like, 'Beer, what is wrong with/what do you have against giving her a set sum every month and seeing how she works with an actual opportunity to budget"... And it NEVER gets answered.... When you ask 'what is the interest rate?'... And it NEVER gets answered.... Well, the information given, in the tone given (as much as tone can be determined online), coupled with the consistent avoidance of providing meaningful bits of information or even attempting to address a line of advice, means my own perception of 'the problem' and approach to 'the answer' evolve. Beer hasn't really show that he is or desires reasonable in this matter, what he desires is total capitulation to his version of events and desired outcomes. That isn't really what we do here... I have. I know it's an ongoing issue. I guess I just don't see the point in trying to get blood from a stone. If you can't get any more helpful information from him, then I'd just give up. Then again, we never did that with The Dox... but her replies were everything, lol! I said she was to remain nameless! Jeez!
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 22, 2015 10:31:04 GMT -5
Lol
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 22, 2015 10:39:22 GMT -5
I see the point and value in a lot of what's being said here, but I also feel that most of you get some sort of sexual thrill in taking certain posters down a peg. I understand this is a (relatively) free message board, but come on. This is the best that a bunch of reasonably intelligent people can do? I agree and disagree. Some people do have to always be right. I think most is a bit of a stretch. But come on, how many times have we all said the same thing to him and he ignores that part and just keeps complaining? It's so bad that on one thread we all were even wondering if he was actually "she who shall remain nameless" using a different screen name. People just say the same thing over and over only to be ignored or personally attacked. I don't blame some people for then letting the claws come out a little. yeah, I do get it.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 22, 2015 10:39:45 GMT -5
I see the point and value in a lot of what's being said here, but I also feel that most of you get some sort of sexual thrill in taking certain posters down a peg. I understand this is a (relatively) free message board, but come on. This is the best that a bunch of reasonably intelligent people can do? Honestly - this post is so messed up I hardly know where to begin. I'm sure you do. So begin.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Dec 22, 2015 21:59:36 GMT -5
I'm all caught up. A lot of theories have been put forth, and without all the background any one of them could be true. One could argue that both beergut and his gf get something out of this relationship, and since it is a LTR that will likely lead to marriage, they are both invested in their own ways.
People may ignore the "right" advice if it comes from the "wrong" person. Or, it is just mismatched values. This of course brings us back to the original topic, and confirms that the answer is a resounding "yes". So it comes down to how you are going to deal with it.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 22, 2015 22:12:59 GMT -5
If she is so incapable of buying a car, why did you let her go to the lot alone? Why not take control of that too? And if she really agreed to a car loan without knowing the terms, then whatever terms are in the note, she should just deal with. And did she not already have auto insurance? Are you also saying that she is incapable of calling the insurance company and processing a vehicle change? Good thing you're around to "rescue" her all the time. I was at the lot with her. She isn't incapable of anything, she is just a little too receptive to a good sales pitch. I know that you don't like men, and like to paint us all as control freaks, but that isn't reality. Check your misandry. She was told a payment amount she could afford, she didn't delve any deeper than that. She gave me the insurance paperwork because I wrote her auto policy. Sorry to destroy your 'white knight/controlling jerk" narrative.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 22, 2015 22:19:44 GMT -5
I have re-read that thread, and it is very apparent throughout that I was joking with you. If you feel 'skewered' after me teasing you about a grammar mistake, and then feel me asking if your phone autocorrects a term is 'demanding', I can't help you. Hell, I even said I was trying to figure out why I was seeing the same mistake so often, thus my question. If you read that thread (especially the last three posts), and think that was an attack on you, my only conclusion is that you are a profoundly sensitive person. There you go again, another personal attack and you don't even realize it. This is a perfect example why you don't get it and how all the advice in this thread will not help you with your relationship. I am not sensitive to it, I just pity you. I am well aware that I called you oversensitive, and meant it when I said it. If you think a thread in which I directly state, "I'm not attacking you", is still an attack on you, you are oversensitive, or you're looking for something to be offended by. I am not going to apologize for your need to play the victim.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 22, 2015 22:21:35 GMT -5
I don't have an issue with her not having read the paperwork yet, she gave it to me immediately after signing so we could get the auto policy written. The bigger issue is that GF is one of those people who believes salesmen. If they tell her she is getting a good deal, she believes it. This is one of the reasons she wanted the other car so much, she was convinced she was getting a great deal because the salesman told her she was (and it had some bells and whistles she really wanted on it). I am a lot more cynical when it comes to sales, and am always trying to figure out where they're trying to stick it to us. Then why didn't you go with her instead of lecturing her after the fact? I did go with her, which is when we bought the car. The deal she made with the other dealership was done over the phone, and I found out about it after the fact.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 22, 2015 22:23:53 GMT -5
I don't get it. Is her current deal that bad? What's the rate?
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 22, 2015 22:28:57 GMT -5
I see the point and value in a lot of what's being said here, but I also feel that most of you get some sort of sexual thrill in taking certain posters down a peg. I understand this is a (relatively) free message board, but come on. This is the best that a bunch of reasonably intelligent people can do? MJ, this is an ongoing matter. I'm not sure if you have followed other threads on this topic? For myself, when questions are asked like, 'Beer, what is wrong with/what do you have against giving her a set sum every month and seeing how she works with an actual opportunity to budget"... And it NEVER gets answered.... When you ask 'what is the interest rate?'... And it NEVER gets answered.... I honestly thought I answered your question about the interest rate, I think YM ate it? Interest rate is 17.99%. As for the set sum amount, I asked her once long ago about that. She said she likes the current arrangement, and doesn't want to change anything.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2015 22:37:19 GMT -5
MJ, this is an ongoing matter. I'm not sure if you have followed other threads on this topic? For myself, when questions are asked like, 'Beer, what is wrong with/what do you have against giving her a set sum every month and seeing how she works with an actual opportunity to budget"... And it NEVER gets answered.... When you ask 'what is the interest rate?'... And it NEVER gets answered.... I honestly thought I answered your question about the interest rate, I think YM ate it? Interest rate is 17.99%. As for the set sum amount, I asked her once long ago about that. She said she likes the current arrangement, and doesn't want to change anything. Ok, I don't know what a "frozen" credit history means. My husband froze his credit report, but that was to keep anyone from opening new accounts. It has no effect on his credit score. She has been in Credit Hell if she has a 17.99% interest rate. That isn't the result of a frozen credit history. That is a result of missed payments, etc. As others have said, her mortgage alone would ensure she still has a credit history. Was this just that she didn't shop around. WhenI bought my first house after the divorce, I did some online thing and they offered me 7.99% VARIABLE. I got a 7% fixed when I applied to a real mortgage company.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Dec 22, 2015 22:37:40 GMT -5
Holy cow on the interest rate. I have credit cards with lower rates!!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 22, 2015 22:39:38 GMT -5
Holy cow on the interest rate. I have credit cards with lower rates!! This!!!!!
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 22, 2015 22:43:06 GMT -5
If she has a mortgage, I would think there's no way it'd be that high unless she's missed payments - a lot. Hell, my brother's credit is kinda trashed after missed payments and credit consolidation that ended like 3 years ago and he has a better car rate than that by far.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2015 23:15:35 GMT -5
Man, what rate was the other guy offering?
I would never have bought a car with that interest rate. Can she at least pay it off early? It isn't written in some hinky language that she pays it regardless? A rate like that doesn't sound like a dealer rate, more like a sleezball lot rate
Beer. She might not want to go to a set amount per month, but here is the thing, you are doing neither of you any favors by continuing to do things the way you are doing them, privately judging her for her decisions and at the same time reinforcing those bad decisions, without telling her that finances are important to your ultimately getting married. You need to be honest with her. You need to switch to a set amount and help her come up with a budget to see if, in a fair situation, she can manage to plan and stick to what you decide together is a reasonable money aproach... if not, and that's a deal breaker, then you need to let her move on. It isn't fair to either of you to keep up what you are doing at this time and keep complaining about it. Alternately you can just decide to stop complaining about it, but I don't think the situation as it stands is what you really want...
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Dec 22, 2015 23:39:23 GMT -5
If she has a mortgage, I would think there's no way it'd be that high unless she's missed payments - a lot. Hell, my brother's credit is kinda trashed after missed payments and credit consolidation that ended like 3 years ago and he has a better car rate than that by far. I kind of wonder with that rate if the mortgage isn't in her name? He's mentioned her dad used to bail her out. Maybe it's in his name and she pays? Otherwise I'm guessing she had crappy credit when she froze it. Which I guess everyone makes their own decisions but my stuff's been hacked three times and I never froze anything. I have the monitoring from three places but I saw no need to freeze anything. And China has it all including my fingerprints now.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2015 0:08:43 GMT -5
There you go again, another personal attack and you don't even realize it. This is a perfect example why you don't get it and how all the advice in this thread will not help you with your relationship. I am not sensitive to it, I just pity you. I am well aware that I called you oversensitive, and meant it when I said it. If you think a thread in which I directly state, "I'm not attacking you", is still an attack on you, you are oversensitive, or you're looking for something to be offended by. I am not going to apologize for your need to play the victim. This feels like Talladega Nights and if someone says "With all due respect" they can then say whatever they want with no judgment on their comments. Sorry beer, still feel sorry for you, but I genuinely hope you wake up someday to what other people perceive you as and you can find happiness. Good luck to you.
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