t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jul 8, 2015 14:34:40 GMT -5
Eh...my mom is much more strict with DS than I am.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2015 14:34:43 GMT -5
My family would buy my son a lot of toys that made noise. I started "accidentally" leaving the loudest or most annoying toys at the toy buyer's house. Let him drive THEM crazy with all that noise when he came to visit. These were houses my kids visited fairly often.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jul 8, 2015 14:36:15 GMT -5
Soooo . Once kids go on playdates, they come home with their "in Johnny's house..." and by getting your kids used to "my house-my rules, their house-their rules" early on, it makes life so much easier. This is easy for me to say with (now) adult kids and parents (since passed) and in-laws (MIL has since passed as well) that raised 7 and 9 kids resp. so the word no was part of their vocabulary, but I still believe it is a good general rule to follow. And it has left my kids with very happy memories of their childhood and their DGPs.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 8, 2015 14:38:01 GMT -5
My family would buy my son a lot of toys that made noise. I started "accidentally" leaving the loudest or most annoying toys at the toy buyer's house. Let him drive THEM crazy with all that noise when he came to visit. These were houses my kids visited fairly often. I've done that. Didn't stop MIL at all. I've pulled batteries out of a few toys that were driving me nuts and I've not put new ones in toys when they died. THAT disconcerted her. Now she includes batteries with the gift. And sometimes shows up with a random pack to make sure the toys work.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jul 8, 2015 14:40:14 GMT -5
Sounds like a power struggle to me. TheHaitian, in your culture who is the dominant figure in a multi-generational household? Is it possible that MIL is feeling she is not being respected the way she shoud just because of "old country" expectations?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2015 14:56:16 GMT -5
That is the issue, my MIL/wife relationships has no boundaries and I think buying/owning a house brought the ugly out. - my wife as the new homeowner wants to run her house, yard, garden a certain way. She has the right to it, it is her house. - my MIL not only criticized her choices but to add insult to injury just disregard it and changes it or does it her way. ---> ex: my wife will place the furniture a certain way because she likes it that way. My MIL would off course give her opinion how she hates it, then go behind my wife backs and change it the way she likes it. ----> now my wife will come home pissed to find that and change the way she wanted it and now her mom will get mad and say all kind of stuff and there comes the fight. She doesn't seem to be able to "back off" and understand it is not her place. And it is not new, she used to that to us when we rented and she was just visiting for a week... Having a house and living with us just magnifies it. My mother would never dream of ever doing that so I just don't get it. It has come to the point where I feel she does it on purpose just to antagonize my wife and push her buttons. I guess I'm a little unsure about the set up - previously - you were very happy with your MIL doing alot of cleaning, cooking? What is the MIL status in your home? Is she to confine all her interior decorating to her room only? Then - she is not like a household member, but more a boarder or something....maybe a charity case? and - I guess that she feels she should get to make some decision on overall household stuff - more like a roommate, an equal third. I can't recall - does she have any of her own money - pay towards bills? Or is she a housekeeper/cook to pay her way? Was these things not discussed prior to the move in? I can certainly see your wife's POV - she wanted her house for a long time and she has always been into fixing your places up nice, etc. and now she has it - a home - and she wants to make it just like she wants. But I can also see the MIL POV - if she feels that she is 1/3 of the household. An equal roommate, etc. But given the fighting, may be to late to hash these ground rules out. What are her financial resources to get her own place? or can you put a MIL suite in your home? I think sometimes parents have trouble accepting that their child is really an adult and respecting that. Even in the "child's" home, they think they can take over or do whatever because it's their child's house. That may not be the issue with Carl's wife and MIL, but I've had that issue with my Mom and I've seen other people have the same problem. Plus, I've always heard that it's hard for two women to live together because usually they'll both want to run the household.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 8, 2015 15:03:31 GMT -5
For the record, my IL's NEVER respected ANYTHING about my (our) house, way before we even had kids. So, TheHaitian - it will only get worse, trust me. But as a full disclosure - I totally blame my husband for that - it was him who set up that dynamic - his house=their house. He never changed that after he got married and they thought that they could continue, with any regard for me. I know it's your husband's house too, and his parents, but I don't think I could welcome anyone into my home that didn't respect that it's MY home. And I don't think I would let my kids be around anybody that had no respect for me whatsoever. I wouldn't want my kids to see me allowing someone to mistreat me and I would think that they might bad mouth me around my kids if I wasn't around. That's a bad spot for a kid to be in. I thought long and hard and debated with myself about the whole respect thing. The "problem" is that I am the kind of person who doesn't really care if you respect me if I don't respect you. So, since I don't consider my IL's ANYTHING worth respecting, for the longest time I haven't taken them too seriously. But once the kids came along I started worrying about what I am teaching them - bc ultimately that's my main concern. And then, once, my oldest, who was 4 at the time told my FIL that he needed to apologize to me after one of his outbursts. The same thing happened 9 mo ago with DS2. So, it seems that the kids are very much getting the idea of how inappropriate IL's behavior is and I didn't need to say a word. Time will tell how things play out, but I think my kids will know that while I don't take crap from people, I also don't "muddle with pigs".
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jul 8, 2015 15:03:34 GMT -5
That is the issue, my MIL/wife relationships has no boundaries and I think buying/owning a house brought the ugly out. - my wife as the new homeowner wants to run her house, yard, garden a certain way. She has the right to it, it is her house. - my MIL not only criticized her choices but to add insult to injury just disregard it and changes it or does it her way. ---> ex: my wife will place the furniture a certain way because she likes it that way. My MIL would off course give her opinion how she hates it, then go behind my wife backs and change it the way she likes it. ----> now my wife will come home pissed to find that and change the way she wanted it and now her mom will get mad and say all kind of stuff and there comes the fight. She doesn't seem to be able to "back off" and understand it is not her place. And it is not new, she used to that to us when we rented and she was just visiting for a week... Having a house and living with us just magnifies it. My mother would never dream of ever doing that so I just don't get it. It has come to the point where I feel she does it on purpose just to antagonize my wife and push her buttons. I guess I'm a little unsure about the set up - previously - you were very happy with your MIL doing alot of cleaning, cooking? What is the MIL status in your home? Is she to confine all her interior decorating to her room only? Then - she is not like a household member, but more a boarder or something....maybe a charity case? and - I guess that she feels she should get to make some decision on overall household stuff - more like a roommate, an equal third. I can't recall - does she have any of her own money - pay towards bills? Or is she a housekeeper/cook to pay her way? Was these things not discussed prior to the move in? I can certainly see your wife's POV - she wanted her house for a long time and she has always been into fixing your places up nice, etc. and now she has it - a home - and she wants to make it just like she wants. But I can also see the MIL POV - if she feels that she is 1/3 of the household. An equal roommate, etc. But given the fighting, may be to late to hash these ground rules out. What are her financial resources to get her own place? or can you put a MIL suite in your home? My MIL doesn't pay any bills that relates to our house. She loves Costco and when she visits NY she likes to go to Costco and purchase a few things that we may a use but that is it as for as her financial contributions. She cleans, cooks, walks Max when she is home and she loves gardening so she has her section of the yard that we let her go crazy in. But really she is a guest that came for a short stay 2 years ago because her previous arrangements were not working out (same thing as now but different situation aka telling my wife uncle how to run his business / bakery and he was having none of it) and hasn't left. She has her own house + 2 rental homes in Haiti. She likes being here because after all she is the last one left in Haiti in her family. - > can no longer stay with her sister because she doesn't get along with the husband -> cannot stay with the other sister long term because she would basically financially have to support that sister and she doesn't want to step her retirement money doing that (sister will go on 1 year unemployed this September) -> another sister is out of question -> another cousin - she treated her like a maid so that was out of the question. - left with us but she is slowly but surely getting my wife to her breaking points. Seriously everything was great and maybe something changed and I stay out of it but I can see how it is getting to my wife. It is like her mom doesn't get she is an adult now and she is the one living under our roof and not the other way around. As my wife said, maybe she went mental and we did not notice. It doesn't bother me much now because I am never home and I am not afraid to speak my mind the moment she gets out of line so she usually backs off and is much more respectful towards me than she is to my wife. But I know it will be an issue when we or/and if we do have kids and I would prefer to rectify the situation before that time. Either a come to Jesus moment or we go back to her visiting off and on but for short stays.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2015 15:11:40 GMT -5
My family would buy my son a lot of toys that made noise. I started "accidentally" leaving the loudest or most annoying toys at the toy buyer's house. Let him drive THEM crazy with all that noise when he came to visit. These were houses my kids visited fairly often. I've done that. Didn't stop MIL at all. I've pulled batteries out of a few toys that were driving me nuts and I've not put new ones in toys when they died. THAT disconcerted her. Now she includes batteries with the gift. And sometimes shows up with a random pack to make sure the toys work. Lol! Poor Beth. That was years ago, my family was on to my trickery and they stopped buying a bunch of loud toys.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jul 8, 2015 15:14:28 GMT -5
Sounds like a power struggle to me. TheHaitian, in your culture who is the dominant figure in a multi-generational household? Is it possible that MIL is feeling she is not being respected the way she shoud just because of "old country" expectations? Oh it is 100% that without a doubt! But my wife and I are 100% Americanized and that shit doesn't fly in our house. She feels she is still the mother and we are kids, but I remind her she is my wife mother and we are adults, she lives with us not the other way around. In her mind when we got the house -> SHE got a house. I don't know what they were arguing about and my MIL must have lost it and hit my wife. When my wife came to the room crying I basically lost it and I told her mom right there and then:you ever raise your hands to my wife again and you will never step foot in my house. Her response: I am her mother. Mine: and I am her husband and I don't give a fuck. As far as I know that was the last of it and never happened again. She complained to my mom about it and my mom had the nerve to try to lecture me about it and as far as to go: so you don't think I can slap you or beat/discipline you as your mother? I said: why don't you try me because I can promise you you will not like the consequences. My mom called me the Devil... Oh well. The Haitian idea that kids are forever kids and should bend over backwards to please their parents no matter the age doesn't fly well with me.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jul 8, 2015 15:17:53 GMT -5
I guess I'm a little unsure about the set up - previously - you were very happy with your MIL doing alot of cleaning, cooking? What is the MIL status in your home? Is she to confine all her interior decorating to her room only? Then - she is not like a household member, but more a boarder or something....maybe a charity case? and - I guess that she feels she should get to make some decision on overall household stuff - more like a roommate, an equal third. I can't recall - does she have any of her own money - pay towards bills? Or is she a housekeeper/cook to pay her way? Was these things not discussed prior to the move in? I can certainly see your wife's POV - she wanted her house for a long time and she has always been into fixing your places up nice, etc. and now she has it - a home - and she wants to make it just like she wants. But I can also see the MIL POV - if she feels that she is 1/3 of the household. An equal roommate, etc. But given the fighting, may be to late to hash these ground rules out. What are her financial resources to get her own place? or can you put a MIL suite in your home? I think sometimes parents have trouble accepting that their child is really an adult and respecting that. Even in the "child's" home, they think they can take over or do whatever because it's their child's house. That may not be the issue with Carl's wife and MIL, but I've had that issue with my Mom and I've seen other people have the same problem. Plus, I've always heard that it's hard for two women to live together because usually they'll both want to run the household. Oh no, that is 100% the case and it coming down to the point someone needs to leave. Guy are so simple.... Women I tell you. My step dad father lived with us for 10 years before passing away, easiest guy ever to live with. Give him his room, TV, food and drive him to see his friends a few times a week and he was happy as he could be. Women: they got to take charge, cannot just be a "guest".
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Jul 8, 2015 15:22:27 GMT -5
I wasn’t particularly close with my grandparents, but I didn’t really have any issues with that.
My parents (and my sisters) all have a totally different attitude. They constantly buy stuff for my kids and, if they are watching the kids, they give them a bunch of crap to eat. If they don’t see them much, I totally get it. If they are seeing them regularly, then it does piss me off because it kind of takes away the ability for US to spoil them. If they just had pizza and ice cream yesterday, you can’t really give it to them again today.
I am constantly pushing back on my family when it comes to things. I’d prefer a situation where I invite them to events and they come. They prefer a situation where they have open access to the calendar of events (not really, but kind of) and they pick/choose what they want to come to. I made the mistake of inviting my sister to a soccer game one year, then she came to every single one. She found out the date of my son’s kids b-day party, then she made the assumption that the whole family (parents, siblings, significant others) would be invited. When I told her that wasn’t the case, she got really upset about it.
My in-laws are not like that at all. They spoil, but it’s pretty minimal overall. If we were to take the kids to Disney and bring my parents, they’d want to ride the roller coasters with the kids as much as me and my wife. If I took my in-laws, they would be ok with being there for support (staying with the younger ones while we both went on a roller coaster with the older one).
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Jul 8, 2015 15:29:07 GMT -5
I don't know what they were arguing about and my MIL must have lost it and hit my wife. When my wife came to the room crying I basically lost it and I told her mom right there and then:you ever raise your hands to my wife again and you will never step foot in my house. Her response: I am her mother. Mine: and I am her husband and I don't give a fuck. As far as I know that was the last of it and never happened again. She complained to my mom about it and my mom had the nerve to try to lecture me about it and as far as to go: so you don't think I can slap you or beat/discipline you as your mother? I said: why don't you try me because I can promise you you will not like the consequences. My mom called me the Devil... Oh well. The Haitian idea that kids are forever kids and should bend over backwards to please their parents no matter the age doesn't fly well with me. Awww- hell no. She needs to be shown the door. Now.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 8, 2015 15:33:51 GMT -5
I feel that my parents and I are pretty much on the same page. They respect my rules nad parenting. I respect the rules at their house and make sure Gwen respects them too. We did have some mishaps while on vacation together due to different approaches and my unfamilarity with taking a 4 year old on an extended vacation, but we didn't kill each other so it's all good. I let Gwen eat more junk at my parents house than I do ours. She knows that I don't bring it in the house so she doesn't ask. She also knows I suck at baking so don't ask me to create the things grandma can create. I'm eating as many homemade goodies as she does if they are available. MIL has her moments but she's been getting better at listening since DH started putting her in her place. The "problem" is FIL. We have to be careful what we say around him b/c it may happen. If Gwen says she likes ponies an actual pony may show up in hte yard. He also tends to undermine us, letting her have her way all the time. I had a discussion with DH over it last weekend when Gwen didn't listen to me concerning fireworks. I told her no more and stamped out the punk. She went running to FIL and he said she could keep doing it! I can't DH to talk to his dad so I am not sure what to do about it. Gwen knows she can pit him against us and behaves accordingly. I told DH if this keeps up she's not going down there anymore. I am tired of trying to deprogram her. She tried to behave that way at my parents house and found out that don't fly over there.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 8, 2015 15:36:53 GMT -5
I wasn’t particularly close with my grandparents, but I didn’t really have any issues with that. My parents (and my sisters) all have a totally different attitude. They constantly buy stuff for my kids and, if they are watching the kids, they give them a bunch of crap to eat. If they don’t see them much, I totally get it. If they are seeing them regularly, then it does piss me off because it kind of takes away the ability for US to spoil them. If they just had pizza and ice cream yesterday, you can’t really give it to them again today. I am constantly pushing back on my family when it comes to things. I’d prefer a situation where I invite them to events and they come. They prefer a situation where they have open access to the calendar of events (not really, but kind of) and they pick/choose what they want to come to. I made the mistake of inviting my sister to a soccer game one year, then she came to every single one. She found out the date of my son’s kids b-day party, then she made the assumption that the whole family (parents, siblings, significant others) would be invited. When I told her that wasn’t the case, she got really upset about it. My in-laws are not like that at all. They spoil, but it’s pretty minimal overall. If we were to take the kids to Disney and bring my parents, they’d want to ride the roller coasters with the kids as much as me and my wife. If I took my in-laws, they would be ok with being there for support (staying with the younger ones while we both went on a roller coaster with the older one). My parents would drive you nuts. They attend as many grandkid sporting things as they can. They even came to most of my DD's 1st grade soccer games this spring and they're 73 and 77 years old! But 8-10 years ago, it wasn't uncommon for them to be gone for hours on the weekends because they'd go from soccer to v-ball to lacrosse to basketball. And they'd stay at tourneys for a huge chunk of the day too. I'm grateful they've seen my daughter play. And they've come to a couple of my son's practices because we all know they might not be able to get to see him in games. I don't care if my siblings or their kids show up at games. But I remember your post and there is NO expectation that we entertain anyone afterwards. I made sure my ILs knew dates and times for soccer games too but they didn't come to any of the games. They only have 1 other grandchild and she wasn't involved with many activities so I didn't have a baseline.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2015 16:20:51 GMT -5
I don't think it helps establish the new parent/child roles when the child is accepting thousands of dollars in gifts from the parent. It kind of reinforces the parent's idea that they're still in a position of power if they already think that. Like people that play Dominoes say, "all money ain't good money".
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Jul 8, 2015 18:11:15 GMT -5
Carl, if your MIL can't let your wife (the owner of the house) set up HER furniture to HER liking, why on earth do you imagine that your MIL will respect your wife's wishes after kids come along?
I agree, she needs to go, and sooner rather than later. It's just despicable that she hit Ms Carl.
I grew up with an abusive mother. She is long gone but one of the advantages of growing up is not having to deal with that kind of shite anymore.
Spend less and hire a cleaner who can walk the dog on a day your wife ISN'T working at home.
ETA: Pink raises a VERY good point about your MIL still lording it over your wife (and you too) with her generous financial gifts.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 8, 2015 18:39:34 GMT -5
I'd like to hear more about these issues? maybe start a thread? there is a non-zero chance that my mom might end up with us 5-10 years from now. my DW is somewhat open to the idea, but really concerned about boundaries, because my mom is a total meanie who'll do things like bring food to the house when she comes to visit, or buy clothes for her grandkids. That is the issue, my MIL/wife relationships has no boundaries and I think buying/owning a house brought the ugly out. - my wife as the new homeowner wants to run her house, yard, garden a certain way. She has the right to it, it is her house. - my MIL not only criticized her choices but to add insult to injury just disregard it and changes it or does it her way. ---> ex: my wife will place the furniture a certain way because she likes it that way. My MIL would off course give her opinion how she hates it, then go behind my wife backs and change it the way she likes it. ----> now my wife will come home pissed to find that and change the way she wanted it and now her mom will get mad and say all kind of stuff and there comes the fight. She doesn't seem to be able to "back off" and understand it is not her place. And it is not new, she used to that to us when we rented and she was just visiting for a week... Having a house and living with us just magnifies it. My mother would never dream of ever doing that so I just don't get it. It has come to the point where I feel she does it on purpose just to antagonize my wife and push her buttons. I know you planned on free daycare from her but if you don't get a grip and have a heart to heart with your MIL , you won't need to worry about daycare. DH told his bio that if he saw place cards addressed the way she addressed the wedding invite , he was leaving the wedding. She addressed him, her own father, as Mr So and So and me as my first name and my former last name. It was disrespectful. He blamed her mother but I said the bio was 27 years old, not 7. This was totally on her and childish/spiteful. But DH handled it. You're going to have to man up for this one.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 8, 2015 18:47:48 GMT -5
Soooo . Once kids go on playdates, they come home with their "in Johnny's house..." and by getting your kids used to "my house-my rules, their house-their rules" early on, it makes life so much easier. But knowing other people have different rules doesn't excuse our children from following our rules, even when we parents are not present.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2015 18:53:23 GMT -5
That is the issue, my MIL/wife relationships has no boundaries and I think buying/owning a house brought the ugly out. - my wife as the new homeowner wants to run her house, yard, garden a certain way. She has the right to it, it is her house. - my MIL not only criticized her choices but to add insult to injury just disregard it and changes it or does it her way. ---> ex: my wife will place the furniture a certain way because she likes it that way. My MIL would off course give her opinion how she hates it, then go behind my wife backs and change it the way she likes it. ----> now my wife will come home pissed to find that and change the way she wanted it and now her mom will get mad and say all kind of stuff and there comes the fight. She doesn't seem to be able to "back off" and understand it is not her place. And it is not new, she used to that to us when we rented and she was just visiting for a week... Having a house and living with us just magnifies it. My mother would never dream of ever doing that so I just don't get it. It has come to the point where I feel she does it on purpose just to antagonize my wife and push her buttons. I know you planned on free daycare from her but if you don't get a grip and have a heart to heart with your MIL , you won't need to worry about daycare. DH told his bio that if he saw place cards addressed the way she addressed the wedding invite , he was leaving the wedding. She addressed him, her own father, as Mr So and So and me as my first name and my former last name. It was disrespectful. He blamed her mother but I said the bio was 27 years old, not 7. This was totally on her and childish/spiteful. But DH handled it. You're going to have to man up for this one. I think Carl's wife needs to handle this one. It's her mother. She needs to establish boundaries with her mother for her own sake, and yes, so her husband doesn't come home to a bunch of tension and confusion.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 8, 2015 18:58:11 GMT -5
Sounds like a power struggle to me. TheHaitian, in your culture who is the dominant figure in a multi-generational household? Is it possible that MIL is feeling she is not being respected the way she shoud just because of "old country" expectations? Oh it is 100% that without a doubt! But my wife and I are 100% Americanized and that shit doesn't fly in our house. She feels she is still the mother and we are kids, but I remind her she is my wife mother and we are adults, she lives with us not the other way around. In her mind when we got the house -> SHE got a house. I don't know what they were arguing about and my MIL must have lost it and hit my wife. When my wife came to the room crying I basically lost it and I told her mom right there and then:you ever raise your hands to my wife again and you will never step foot in my house. Her response: I am her mother. Mine: and I am her husband and I don't give a fuck. As far as I know that was the last of it and never happened again. She complained to my mom about it and my mom had the nerve to try to lecture me about it and as far as to go: so you don't think I can slap you or beat/discipline you as your mother? I said: why don't you try me because I can promise you you will not like the consequences. My mom called me the Devil... Oh well. The Haitian idea that kids are forever kids and should bend over backwards to please their parents no matter the age doesn't fly well with me. Deal with this now. Otherwise it's going to be much worse when you have kids. My middle child thinks my parents are dead, while my oldest still asks to visit them. Which confuses the shit out of my middle child. Neither of them would understand my situation growing up. Their world is not ugly, and it just would not register. And frankly, I don't want to burden them. They think older people are nice and kind. I'd rather leave it like that for them. There's so little now that they can be innocent about. So I deal with it by telling them the topic is done, essentially sticking my fingers in my ears and saying "lalalalalala." It's really the most stressful thing I deal with now. ETA: The believe that your kids are kids forever isn't just limited to your culture. ETA: Here's the other thing I experienced for two generations, myself and my kids. The abuse doesn't stop with the grandkids. It gets better. But it doesn't stop. And your kids should not be hearing you or your wife tell MIL that hitting your kids is unacceptable behavior. I just shake my head in thinking that my parents thought that exchange was completely acceptable for me to hear, instead of thinking.."Hmm, maybe we shouldn't expose our child to someone who likely will hit them or be emotionally/verbally abusive to them."
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zibazinski
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Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 8, 2015 19:10:35 GMT -5
I know you planned on free daycare from her but if you don't get a grip and have a heart to heart with your MIL , you won't need to worry about daycare. DH told his bio that if he saw place cards addressed the way she addressed the wedding invite , he was leaving the wedding. She addressed him, her own father, as Mr So and So and me as my first name and my former last name. It was disrespectful. He blamed her mother but I said the bio was 27 years old, not 7. This was totally on her and childish/spiteful. But DH handled it. You're going to have to man up for this one. I think Carl's wife needs to handle this one. It's her mother. She needs to establish boundaries with her mother for her own sake, and yes, so her husband doesn't come home to a bunch of tension and confusion. I agree but I think Carl's wife needs Carl to do it. I had to be the bitch/advocate in the hospital. DH is a good person but needs a "mouth" to protect him.
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whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 8, 2015 19:20:25 GMT -5
Our parents did a good enough job with us we figure they can do fine with the grandkids. They spoil too much and don't do everything we like but that's life. hmmm.....what if I don't think my IL's did a good job with their children......
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ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,379
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 8, 2015 19:35:21 GMT -5
Our parents did a good enough job with us we figure they can do fine with the grandkids. They spoil too much and don't do everything we like but that's life. hmmm.....what if I don't think my IL's did a good job with their children...... Didn't you marry one of them?
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whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 8, 2015 19:37:43 GMT -5
hmmm.....what if I don't think my IL's did a good job with their children...... Didn't you marry one of them? yes and he was work in progress!
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ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,379
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 8, 2015 19:40:05 GMT -5
Didn't you marry one of them? yes and he was work in progress! So you like fixing damaged goods
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debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,607
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Post by debthaven on Jul 8, 2015 19:41:00 GMT -5
hmmm.....what if I don't think my IL's did a good job with their children......
Lena I think you may have me on ignore, because you have always ignored me since we disagreed a while back. But if you don't, um, you chose to marry their son. So they must have done SOMETHING right, unless your DH was raised by fairies / unicorns.
Your in-laws sound like total douchebags, I agree. But a lot of the fault is your DH's for not standing up to them right away. I'm truly glad things are getting better there.
If my 3 kids came home with 19 Pez dispensers each, I would have told them, that was just to play with, now choose the 3 you want to keep. The other 48 (16 X 3) would have been in the garbage / donation box immediately.
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whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 8, 2015 19:41:02 GMT -5
yes and he was work in progress! So you like fixing damaged goods He wasn't damaged, just needed some adjustments. And I am a great teacher
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ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,379
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 8, 2015 19:43:25 GMT -5
So you like fixing damaged goods He wasn't damaged, just needed some adjustments. And I am a great teacher Parents couldn't have that bad with just adjustments.
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whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 8, 2015 20:10:52 GMT -5
He wasn't damaged, just needed some adjustments. And I am a great teacher Parents couldn't have that bad with just adjustments. OK, all the banter aside, he turned out pretty well despite them, but there were certain things that he had to work hard at bc it was never taught at home. His sister, on another hand, never learned anything and is a complete failure....
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