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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 19:49:55 GMT -5
I thought of you, Phoenix84, when I started reading this thread. I thought, "He might just be a nice guy like Phoenix that is just slightly (only slightly) socially awkward."
However, given how Jenny got hooked up with this guy (yes, my students snicker every time I use that phrase so I know I am using it wrong), I would probably be a little freaked, too. She doesn't know him. She doesn't know anyone who knows him. She connected through a guy who said he was into threesomes in their "introductory" conversations.
If you don't want to meet him, don't. That is what I would tell my daughter.
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joemilitary
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Post by joemilitary on Jul 2, 2015 19:50:20 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 19:53:08 GMT -5
Don't be so quick to blow him off. Sometimes it takes awhile to mesh. That's the big revelation I've had about women and dating. It's a revelation I started to have about 6 months ago.
With all due respect to women, they feel first when it comes to dating. They want to fall in love from the first meeting, or at least have strong feelings about a man as soon as they meet him.
That's why you get people like MJ, who meets a bunch of guys, many of which are willing to go out of their way to please her, and she's like "meh."
My big mistake was assuming because I had my shit together, good job, education and all that, that it would be enough. The realization is that doesn't matter, or at least is a secondary concern, it's all about feelings and falling in love early and hard. Chemistry, in other words.
No, it's not about feelings and falling in love early and hard. It's about enjoying that person's company. Having a good time is what makes 'em come back for more and start to think "hey I kinda like this guy". A great personality can make a plain looking guy a lot more attractive. An educated, wealthy man that happens to also be uptight is no fun. ETA: imo, chemistry is not always obvious instantly. It can develop as you get to know a person.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 2, 2015 19:53:51 GMT -5
I get ghosted enough, it sucks and I wouldn't feel right doing that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 20:08:02 GMT -5
I'm with you MJ2.0.......DO NOT let him know where you work...OR live (but I'm sure you already know that since you posted that you didn't want him to know where you work...duh...)
I'm also in the camp that if I didn't find a guy physically attractive...uhm...no. Just no. Sorry if that makes me shallow or fill-in-the-blank, but I, uhm, let's just say not able to 'operate at full speed/efficiency/throttle' if I'm not HOT for him when I look at him. I'm honest right up front. I tell them that I don't have 'one-on-one' type feelings for them, but we could be friends. And I meant it. Never had a problem and found/made some nice, great friends. If their ego is strong enough and they want a friendship w/me, it works out. If not, that's completely understandable and fine by me, too. And I'm not puttin' on a flame suit, don't need one...say whatever y'all want. I'm entitled to my shallo.....errr....opinon!! Lol..
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 20:13:56 GMT -5
And also....I never let any first, second, third, fourth all the way up to at least a month's worth of meetings/dates.......know where I lived. Period. I always met them; allowing me to leave when I wanted to, not worrying about having to depend on them to get me home, etc.....or G.F. having to call a friend to come rescue me...which I never had to do.
Edit: I've been married a long time, but do have a DD that I 'preach'...uhm...talk to about these things, well I used to...she's turning 30 next month and we kinda got the 'rules' down for awhile now..
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 2, 2015 20:24:41 GMT -5
And also....I never let any first, second, third, fourth all the way up to at least a month's worth of meetings/dates.......know where I lived. Period. I always met them; allowing me to leave when I wanted to, not worrying about having to depend on them to get me home, etc.....or G.F. having to call a friend to come rescue me...which I never had to do. Edit: I've been married a long time, but do have a DD that I 'preach'...uhm...talk to about these things, well I used to...she's turning 30 next month and we kinda got the 'rules' down for awhile now.. So you don't tell them your name? It is really easy to find out where someone lives and works. 2 minutes of google and you have everything. I always met dates too, but I was never under any misconception that where I lived was a secret as it isn't.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 20:25:01 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 20:27:29 GMT -5
Walk of the penguin mich.......google wasn't around, or was it?, in '99...(when I was early 40's) last time I was dating..at any rate, no, I didn't check anyone out on the interweb and I doubt anyone I dated/interacted with did of me, either.....like I said...dinosaur...lol..albeit a cougar dinosaur as dh is 7 yrs. younger...
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Jul 2, 2015 20:45:42 GMT -5
I thought of you, Phoenix84, when I started reading this thread. I thought, "He might just be a nice guy like Phoenix that is just slightly (only slightly) socially awkward."
However, given how Jenny got hooked up with this guy (yes, my students snicker every time I use that phrase so I know I am using it wrong), I would probably be a little freaked, too. She doesn't know him. She doesn't know anyone who knows him. She connected through a guy who said he was into threesomes in their "introductory" conversations.
If you don't want to meet him, don't. That is what I would tell my daughter. Doesn't she meet most of her dates online? She doesn't know them from Adam either so I am not sure how this is different? He's not her type or not attractive enough so she doesn't want to even meet him. I for one am glad that I didn't do that to my DH, since he is the exact opposite of the type of guys I usually like. Just meet him for coffee, geez.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 2, 2015 21:11:14 GMT -5
That's the big revelation I've had about women and dating. It's a revelation I started to have about 6 months ago.
With all due respect to women, they feel first when it comes to dating. They want to fall in love from the first meeting, or at least have strong feelings about a man as soon as they meet him.
That's why you get people like MJ, who meets a bunch of guys, many of which are willing to go out of their way to please her, and she's like "meh."
My big mistake was assuming because I had my shit together, good job, education and all that, that it would be enough. The realization is that doesn't matter, or at least is a secondary concern, it's all about feelings and falling in love early and hard. Chemistry, in other words.
So if a really unattractive woman tried to pursue you, you'd reciprocate even if you weren't the least bit attracted to her? Not buying it at all. Men are visual creatures and are in general more shallow than women. I don't know about more shallow, I'd argue equally shallow and equally visual creatures. Face it, you want to swoon at first sight, you even used his appearance in your OP.
As for me, I don't know about a really unattractive woman. But an "average" one, as you described in the OP, I would probably give a shot.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 2, 2015 21:12:09 GMT -5
Walk of the penguin mich.......google wasn't around, or was it?, in '99...(when I was early 40's) last time I was dating..at any rate, no, I didn't check anyone out on the interweb and I doubt anyone I dated/interacted with did of me, either.....like I said...dinosaur...lol..albeit a cougar dinosaur as dh is 7 yrs. younger... 1998. I've dated many I met online. In fact, am with someone I met in around 2002ish online. Believe me, I googled to make sure that each person I dated meshed with what they told me.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 2, 2015 21:15:20 GMT -5
And also....I never let any first, second, third, fourth all the way up to at least a month's worth of meetings/dates.......know where I lived. Period. I always met them; allowing me to leave when I wanted to, not worrying about having to depend on them to get me home, etc.....or G.F. having to call a friend to come rescue me...which I never had to do. Edit: I've been married a long time, but do have a DD that I 'preach'...uhm...talk to about these things, well I used to...she's turning 30 next month and we kinda got the 'rules' down for awhile now.. Late last year/early this year, I met a woman that I thought was perfect.
She was like you though, always paranoid about me not knowing "how to find her" even though I probably could if I really wanted to. It was honestly kind of a turnoff, because it was like she didn't trust me. I'm not saying spill your secrets and personal details on date 1 or 2, nor that planning an exit strategy is a bad idea, but treating the person you're dating with paranoia and suspicion isn't a great start to a relationship.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 21:22:01 GMT -5
Google was founded Sept. 4th, 1998, so I guess it was around mich...but knowing my dh as I do (read: very well) I know he didn't 'google' me, nor I him. I was busy raising my 2 kids and really wasn't interested. I met dh 10 yrs. after divorcing my kids dad. Btw, now (and forever) dh were set up on a blind date, too...by my sister and my bil. They had met dh, as bil's best friend worked for dh., and were impressed with him. It was one of those, that so far, has worked out beautifully. As we say, 'two peas in a pod...' Exdh on the other hand......whole 'nother story...
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 21:22:36 GMT -5
beat me to it, mich! yes..'98
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 21:24:44 GMT -5
I agree Phoenix, it's not one of my better traits...don't trust easily.........goes way back I think beginning when my mom died @ age 10....
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jul 2, 2015 21:29:40 GMT -5
On my iPad whenever I click on the Your Money board and this thread has the most recent post in the off topic board the title of the thread showing it has the most recent post reads:
How to blow someone off nicely
i keep reading it sans the off. Just wanted to share.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 21:30:10 GMT -5
Not having her protection and guidance no doubt has stunted me in ways...I'm much more secure these days but honestly it was like my whole sense of protection was gone.....yes my dad was around, but with 5 other sibs, and 2 younger (2 and 4 yr.old) than me, the last thing I wanted to do was ask for help, or make a scene or bring any additional stress to my dad..
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garion2003
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Post by garion2003 on Jul 2, 2015 21:36:16 GMT -5
No, just send the text and be done with it. If he is that weird to bring you lunch at work when you are an hour away then he's going to be even more weird after you meet. If the guy was physically very attractive, would it still be weird? or would it be romantic?
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 2, 2015 21:37:07 GMT -5
I thought of you, Phoenix84, when I started reading this thread. I thought, "He might just be a nice guy like Phoenix that is just slightly (only slightly) socially awkward."
However, given how Jenny got hooked up with this guy (yes, my students snicker every time I use that phrase so I know I am using it wrong), I would probably be a little freaked, too. She doesn't know him. She doesn't know anyone who knows him. She connected through a guy who said he was into threesomes in their "introductory" conversations.
If you don't want to meet him, don't. That is what I would tell my daughter. Doesn't she meet most of her dates online? She doesn't know them from Adam either so I am not sure how this is different? He's not her type or not attractive enough so she doesn't want to even meet him. I for one am glad that I didn't do that to my DH, since he is the exact opposite of the type of guys I usually like. Just meet him for coffee, geez. I am. I texted back that I was busy today (which was true) and that's why I couldn't really talk earlier. That was at around 7:30.... Still haven't heard back. Oh well - not sweating it.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 2, 2015 21:38:19 GMT -5
No, just send the text and be done with it. If he is that weird to bring you lunch at work when you are an hour away then he's going to be even more weird after you meet. If the guy was physically very attractive, would it still be weird? or would it be romantic? I'd still find it weird, especially since we already have an upcoming first date.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 21:38:45 GMT -5
But phoenix, don't you think that with all the news topics of violence against women in the news these days....has something to do with overly cautiously women?
My dh completely understood. The day he found an oversized hammer under my bed was funny tho, to him anyway...but not to me! Lol....hey at least I was gonna go out fightin' with everything I had, until he informed me that it prob. wouldve been taken away from me quite easily...
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 2, 2015 21:44:48 GMT -5
People in general just have no "off" button and feel way too free being crazy. Yes I know there were always creepers and psychos, but it seems way more acceptable now for some reason.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 21:47:15 GMT -5
Sorry MJ..didn't mean to derail your thread...blame it on too much coffee
blah, blah, blah vomit...
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 2, 2015 21:52:28 GMT -5
I say trust your gut. If you detected a "creep" vibe, then tell him thanks but no thanks. Sometimes, it's not something you can put your finger on.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 21:52:44 GMT -5
That's EXACTLY how I feel MJ......it's cray-cray out there. And a girl MUST USE CAUTION.
IF they are interested they will go along with whatever rules YOU SET. Period. Trust me, on this.....I have not made it easy, by any stretch of the imagination. Partly because of my own insecurities, and partly because I was raised that a man who is interested will wait if need be. And need be it was...and it did me well to both wait, take it slow, and make him wait..
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 21:55:07 GMT -5
Plain ole petunia is RIGHT! Trust your instinct everytime. That small voice in your head or if your stomach is not at ease.....thank them and gracefully excuse yourself.......and then RUN!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 22:10:32 GMT -5
I think garion has a point though.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 2, 2015 22:16:35 GMT -5
No, just send the text and be done with it. If he is that weird to bring you lunch at work when you are an hour away then he's going to be even more weird after you meet. If the guy was physically very attractive, would it still be weird? or would it be romantic? Absolutely weird for anyone to go an hour out of their way for someone you don't know. I feel smothered for MJ just reading about this guy.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 2, 2015 22:50:18 GMT -5
Friend or husband - sure. Someone you've never met wanting to come to your job? Nope.
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