mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Apr 21, 2015 20:53:23 GMT -5
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Apr 21, 2015 20:54:01 GMT -5
I was raised in what I now believe to be a very radical form of Christianity where I was mostly taught about a jealous, vengeful god rather than a loving one. For as long as I can remember, I've been threatened with hell and eternal burning. I have memories going back to early elementary school where I was told in graphic detail how my body would burn and I would be tortured if I were sent to hell. To this day, my grandmother will text and call me to tell me how sad it is that I will be going to hell because I live a "sinful" life. (I don't go to church, I'm an atheist, I live with my partner and haven't married him, I don't tithe, you name it.) We were told all about demons and I remember being terrified that they were all around. If we had a bad dream that was also caused by demons. We then had to pray them away. Meanwhile, all these people preaching at us were either physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive to my sisters and me. Or allowed others to be. So yes, I completely understand your reaction. I'm so sorry.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Apr 21, 2015 20:58:06 GMT -5
I used to feel that way, but I realized it was a false comfort. It may give one succor to believe that they'll be reunited with all their loved ones like a divine class reunion, but in my heart of hearts, I really don't buy it.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Apr 21, 2015 21:02:21 GMT -5
I used to feel that way, but I realized it was a false comfort. It may give one succor to believe that they'll be reunited with all their loved ones like a divine class reunion, but in my heart of hearts, I really don't buy it. People of faith do. It is not a false comfort to them.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Apr 21, 2015 21:08:08 GMT -5
Jesus is friggen awesome and hell is gonna suck
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Apr 21, 2015 21:44:05 GMT -5
Jesus is friggen awesome and hell is gonna suck Yeah, Yeah, Yeah... Jesus Saves... but... does he invest!?! This is YMAM after all
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2015 21:54:28 GMT -5
Guessing that your divorce resulted in you have 100% of decision making on religion. If you did not give away that right, I'd say something to ex. NOT okay to create beliefs you don't agree with. Child can form their own opinions when they are of an age to understand and decide, but until then it is not ex's place to educate the child on religion.
And, if he is teaching the child about going to hell, yah - I'd be concerned he might be going off the rails. Of course you need to be sure it is the ex, not the ex's family that is doing this. Make sure you reprimand the right person!!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 21, 2015 22:22:44 GMT -5
I used to feel that way, but I realized it was a false comfort. It may give one succor to believe that they'll be reunited with all their loved ones like a divine class reunion, but in my heart of hearts, I really don't buy it. You don't have to buy it since it isn't your belief.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 21, 2015 22:54:45 GMT -5
It's hard to give a good answer without really knowing the dynamic between you and your ex.
But if you're truly agnostic, you should believe in letting your kid make up his own mind about these kinds of things. Sooner or later, if not from his dad, he'll hear about hell.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 21, 2015 23:43:45 GMT -5
It's hard to give a good answer without really knowing the dynamic between you and your ex.
But if you're truly agnostic, you should believe in letting your kid make up his own mind about these kinds of things. Sooner or later, if not from his dad, he'll hear about hell. I totally agree, but I think 4 is way too early. It would be really easy for an idea like hell to cause nightmares and unnecessary worry about if he is going to hell, if mom is going to hell, and so on. DD is 4 and right now she often has trouble going to sleep because she recently learned about great white sharks. She is convinced one is going to come through her wall and eat her while she sleeps. It's a totally irrational fear and we have to talk through the logistics of a shark making it 1000 miles from the ocean to our house and breaking down her wall several nights per week so she can go to sleep. If a 4 year old can have that strong of an irrational fear, then imagine what something like hell could do. If you believe it is real and you have serious concerns that you or loved ones will be there, that is far scarier. Or what if you believe mom will be there and you will never see her again. Terrifying stuff at that age. It sounds like MPL's DS is handling it well, but IMO is just is too much to be discussing with kids that age for the most part.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 22, 2015 7:46:39 GMT -5
Yes, but it doesn't sound like mpl's kid is having those types of issues. Personally I wouldn't make a big deal out of it unless issues like you described come up.
Unless mpl's notices the idea of hell causing distress in her son, it seems like no big deal and not worth starting drama over.
I guess I just don't see the point in stirring up drama with the ex or his family if no ill effects have befallen the kid.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2015 7:58:15 GMT -5
It's hard to give a good answer without really knowing the dynamic between you and your ex.
But if you're truly agnostic, you should believe in letting your kid make up his own mind about these kinds of things. Sooner or later, if not from his dad, he'll hear about hell. Yes. I also believe in letting my son make up his own mind about his sexual preferences, but I'm not showing him porn at 4 because "he's going to see it someday". Again, it's just my guards are up because I know ex grew up in a situation similar to what goldensam described and I feel that's an unhealthy environment for a child. I don't feel a 4 year can make up their mind about things like this. At that age, they believe what they're told by their parents. But, no. He doesn't seem to be too concerned, so it may be that the conversation about hell was rather a benign "hell is where bad people go if they can't get into heaven" one.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 22, 2015 8:04:09 GMT -5
I wouldn't start trying to push your beliefs on him. He's so little and this has been rough on him. I'd just emphasize that everyone has different beliefs and when he is older, he can choose what he believes in, if anything at all. But no way let him be terrorized by someone preaching hell fire and brimstone. THAT pisses me off royally but I wouldn't like it if my EX was saying they didn't believe in GOD either. Both of you need to back off your beliefs off the child. He's 4 not 14. Give him a break. There's been enough acrimony and he bears the brunt of it.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 22, 2015 8:18:01 GMT -5
Yes, but it doesn't sound like mpl's kid is having those types of issues. Personally I wouldn't make a big deal out of it unless issues like you described come up. Unless mpl's notices the idea of hell causing distress in her son, it seems like no big deal and not worth starting drama over. I guess I just don't see the point in stirring up drama with the ex or his family if no ill effects have befallen the kid. It is something worth monitoring because this is not age appropriate. It may not be something that manifests itself right away. My son has an irrational fear of having a band aid come off. He works himself up until he is shaking about it. I can just imagine if someone is constantly talking about an abstract scary place as to what it could do to him. It may not be something that comes up right away it may be months later. Hell is not an appropriate topic for a 4 year old. Period.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2015 9:35:05 GMT -5
After mulling about it for a day, I don't think I'm going to mention it to ex when I drop DS off tonight.
I see two potential outcomes coming out of me voicing my concerns. Either he will try to be helpful and explain more about Hell to DS in an attempt to comfort any potential anxiety or he will see it as a way to get to me (less likely as we've been on good terms) and ramp up the eternal hellfire talks. Either way, it will just promote more discussion on the subject which may not have ever happened otherwise.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 22, 2015 9:43:01 GMT -5
I'd make a note of it though. What was said and all, date and time.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 22, 2015 10:33:18 GMT -5
Yes, but it doesn't sound like mpl's kid is having those types of issues. Personally I wouldn't make a big deal out of it unless issues like you described come up. Unless mpl's notices the idea of hell causing distress in her son, it seems like no big deal and not worth starting drama over. I guess I just don't see the point in stirring up drama with the ex or his family if no ill effects have befallen the kid. This isn't the point, Phoenix. Young children can take the most innocent of comments and turn them into something entirely too literal. Take my eyeball interpretation, merely because a newscaster reported that the eye of the hurricane is passing to the south of Miami. It just isn't age appropriate, and you don't know if there are ill effects. Something said now can cause problems 6 months from now. The memory of little kids is tremendous (I wish I had it!) and he could be chewing on it for awhile. His brain could take this concept (which he does not understand is abstract) and blow it up into something really ugly and MPL could be dealing with nightmares long after the introduction of the concept.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 22, 2015 10:46:35 GMT -5
Or it could never come up again. Take each day as it comes.
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