milee
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Post by milee on Apr 10, 2015 17:12:18 GMT -5
On another thread, some posters mentioned that they required their loved ones to attend their college graduation ceremony.
Did you do this or would you do this? Why or why not?
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Apr 10, 2015 17:26:39 GMT -5
I blew off the graduation ceremony. I wrapped up my last class during first summer session. The graduation ceremony wasn't scheduled for another couple of months. By then, I was working. Why bother?
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Apr 10, 2015 17:36:56 GMT -5
My daughter didn't walk. She finished a semester early, and started working right away. She never went back.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 10, 2015 17:39:36 GMT -5
Yes . If I am forking over , then my kid can suffer through a boring ceremony and a few family photos.
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jeep108
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Post by jeep108 on Apr 10, 2015 17:42:27 GMT -5
If my daughter wants to walk she can, but I'm not going to make her walk. I would rather do a big family, and friend get together anyway.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Apr 10, 2015 17:44:21 GMT -5
I'm not quite following the question. Who is requiring whom to attend whose ceremony?
I supposed I expected my then boyfriend and one sister to attend my college graduation. Both were local. My other sister, grandmother, and boyfriend's family also chose to attend. Which was nice, but not expected.
I don't expect anyone to walk if they don't want to, given I'm not paying for anyone else's education. When I have children I would probably expect minors to attend their siblings' graduations.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 10, 2015 17:49:20 GMT -5
On another thread, some posters mentioned that they required their loved ones to attend their college graduation ceremony.
Did you do this or would you do this? Why or why not? Required? Not the words I would use. Invite perhaps, but if they can't make it they can't make it.
Though I'd admit I'd be pretty hurt if my parents or sister didn't make it.
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quince
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Post by quince on Apr 10, 2015 17:51:25 GMT -5
How do you require someone who is an adult to do something?
Would not require attendance or participation. Including minors. That's an absurd way to manage relationships. Of course I would expect people to be kind and polite to each other, and might encourage them to behave in such a fashion.
I didn't want to walk, but my parents asked me to, so I did, because it cost me little and made them happy. If I felt strongly about it or if they tried to order me to do something, it wouldn't have happened.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 10, 2015 18:02:18 GMT -5
I'm not quite following the question. Who is requiring whom to attend whose ceremony? In another thread, one person said they would require their child (the one that was graduating from college) to attend his/her own graduation ceremony. I think the other one was referring to strongly encouraging her BF or DH to attend his own graduation ceremony.
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cael
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Post by cael on Apr 10, 2015 18:15:55 GMT -5
My parents basically made me, I think they wanted to watch and be proud and whatever. I didn't really want to because a) it was totally impersonal because of the sheer number of kids they graduate every year (ZooMass), and b) I had a class left so I technically wasn't even getting my diploma. I guess I might've regretted it later if I'd skipped it? I don't really feel strongly either way about it now 10 years later lol.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Apr 10, 2015 18:23:15 GMT -5
I think the thought is that a degree is a ton of work, and the ceremony is a chance to celebrate the person who worked so hard. But if it means nothing to that person, I don't see the point?
I went to my ceremonies, because it was the last chance for my graduating class (or at least the people I worked closely with in the program) to all be together. But I can see how a lot of people would rather just blow it off.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Apr 10, 2015 18:26:07 GMT -5
I finished college in Sept and would have had graduation the prior June didn't seem right when I wasn't done. They put it on a day with a family reunion a couple hundred miles away, I was over 40 and nobody cared including me. People celebrated with me when I passed the CPA exam but graduating college wasn't a big deal.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Apr 10, 2015 18:27:04 GMT -5
I'm not quite following the question. Who is requiring whom to attend whose ceremony? In another thread, one person said they would require their child (the one that was graduating from college) to attend his/her own graduation ceremony. I think the other one was referring to strongly encouraging her BF or DH to attend his own graduation ceremony. In that case I fall in the strongly encourage camp. There are so few chances to take time to celebrate major life events with loved ones. Even if it doesn't mean much to you at the time, it may well be a moment you, or those closest to you cherish. My fiance refused to walk in his recent college graduation. Rotten stinker, thinks it's all about him
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saveinla
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Post by saveinla on Apr 10, 2015 18:28:33 GMT -5
My sisters did not want to attend the graduation ceremony and got their certificate by mail. I was in Italy - on the job training for my first job after college and missed my graduation ceremony. My DH wanted us to come see him walk when he got his Masters in Automation Engineering and we went and celebrated as a family. My son was in 2nd grade and we took the afternoon off and it was a lot of fun. Since I had never been to one before, it was very special to me. We have since then attended elementary school, middle school and high school graduation for my son and it's not so special anymore . Since we are paying for his college education, I hope he graduates on time and decides to attend. We will certainly be there and if possible, invite his cousins also.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Apr 10, 2015 18:29:44 GMT -5
I just want to give another scenario ... a lot of the schools here (France) don't even DO graduation ceremonies! You provide an A4, self-addressed, stamped envelope, and voila, your diploma arrives in the mail a few weeks later. I found that TERRIBLY sad!
We always celebrated graduations as a family, regardless of whether or not there was a graduation ceremony. But I do think graduation is a Big Deal and I'm sorry that some of my kids' schools didn't even offer that option.
We always attended any graduation ceremonies that were offered. Yes, they can be long and somewhat boring, but they are a right of passage and an accomplishment. I think parents and perhaps grandparents are generally very happy to "suffer through" the boredom ... Maybe not so much for others in the family.
I can also see how atypical / mature students might have more important fish to fry. But for the typical, age-appropriate graduate, generally, I don't really see why they wouldn't want to be there.
This said, I didn't attend my Masters graduation, because I got married (to my ex) that weekend. My outlaws (ex-inlaws) were coming to see their son (my ex) get his MBA in IL. We got married in NY a week later, the same weekend as my graduation (also in IL). It was not feasible for them to stay for 3 weeks, something had to give, so it was my Masters graduation.
But I wouldn't have missed my BA graduation for the world! Many of those people are still my closest friends, 35 years later.
We went to DS1's HS and college graduations. He went to college in the UK, so me, DH, DS1 and DS3 went there for the weekend. His graduation ceremony was held in a very small theater (tradition) so it happened a year after he finished. He and his closest friends coordinated it so they all graduated the same day, and we had a wonderful weekend. But DS1's stellar grad school (in France) did not even have a graduation ceremony. Frankly, I felt "cheated".
DS2 got a 5Y Masters from the school where I teach, but on the main campus, several hours away (and he started there before I did). They are very international so they hold traditional graduation ceremonies. DH, DS2, DS3 and I all went there for a moving and wonderful weekend.
DD's college (like DS1's grad school) did not even offer a graduation ceremony, just the reminder to send a large, self-addressed, stamped envelope. Again I felt "cheated". We had a fantastic celebratory dinner the night we found out DD got her degree, with her aunt and her best friend in addition to us, but I would have liked to see her "walk". And after hearing so much about her Big Brothers' graduations, DD would have liked to "walk" too.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 10, 2015 18:53:37 GMT -5
I just want to give another scenario ... a lot of the schools here (France) don't even DO graduation ceremonies! You provide an A4, self-addressed, stamped envelope, and voila, your diploma arrives in the mail a few weeks later. Hm. Of all the stories you have told us about how France is different than the US, I think this is the only one where I thought "wow, I like the French way. It really is very practical and logical."
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Apr 10, 2015 18:58:45 GMT -5
LOL Milee.
I don't like it, at all. I know that DS1 (who had a HUGE ceremony and weekend in the UK for undergrad), didn't like it much either. He really doesn't stand on ceremony (he's the humanitarian aid worker).
But I know he hated not really knowing if he had actually graduated or not, or if his name had been left off some list for good reason or by accident, or if his diploma hadn't yet been sent out or if it had been lost in the mail (he's very pragmatic LOL). Unlike me, he is NOT an anxious person, but he was anxious until the diploma actually arrived (about 6 weeks later).
Per him, the biggest merit of a graduation ceremony is that at least you know whether you have actually graduated, or not.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Apr 10, 2015 19:01:56 GMT -5
My g-dtr wanted to skip her graduation but the family basically told her she had better. We all paid too much and waited too long for her to blow it off.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 10, 2015 19:05:27 GMT -5
I went to my high school and college graduations. I kinda like those ceremonial events... Plus I spoke at my HS graduation so I pretty much had to go.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Apr 10, 2015 19:21:31 GMT -5
DD finished her last semester off campus and was excited to go back to school - 2 hour drive - for the ceremony
DS asked if he had to I said yes because his grandparents wanted to attend
DS2 is already planning to make his siblings sit through his ceremony at a LARGE school in 2 years.
I don't care for the ceremony but it is a great excuse for family to gather and have a big party.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 10, 2015 19:27:08 GMT -5
I'm really not sure how all the administrators and school officials survive these ceremonies. Heck, even as a parent watching someone you love, they're sheer torture. I can't even imagine being required to be there as part of a job.
There should be a movement to limit all foo foo ceremonies to 30 minutes or less. And the hook should be that if they don't get it done in 30 minutes, your pizza is free.
But then again, I think this about pretty much any ceremony. Including - or especially - weddings, funerals, awards, inaugurations, etc. 30 minutes of sitting in bored silence is plenty of time for loved ones to show they care. Anything more than that and you're just tormenting them for fun.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 10, 2015 19:57:46 GMT -5
For some reason I never cared about my own graduation ceremonies....I might feel differently about my kids' though....we'll see
Some people in my homeschooling group do them for K, Elementary school, etc. I just roll my eyes. But I am judgmental like that
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 20:07:27 GMT -5
My family doesn't have a good track record of this stuff. We're not really into big formalized ceremonies. Older sis skipped her high school graduation (huge school), which was apparently pretty awkward for the staff because she got a lot of awards. She did walk for her college graduation. Younger sis, mom, dad, and me were there. Her college was brutally hard academically and full of extremely shy kids like her. I thought it was a really impressive achievement to get a degree from there, so I clapped for every single person who walked, and couldn't feel my hands after the 2 hours of names being called I didn't walk for college. I did go to the high school ceremony, the office ladies put the pressure on. I honestly didn't see a point in the high school ceremony for me. It seemed like making a huge fuss about a middle school graduation ceremony. I wasn't done with school, so why get all fired up? The office ladies were horrified at the idea of me not going though, and offered a free cap and gown if I would go to the ceremony. Puzzled me, but they seemed really keen on it, and I didn't have to pay tons with a free cap and gown, so I went. Younger sis, the most joking, social, and outgoing of all of us, didn't choose to go to either of her ceremonies. She graduated high school early, and then we had a family party when she got her college degree. She hated the structure of school so much. She's a whirlwind of energy, and likely dyslexic, her first sentence ever written was totally backwards, it read perfectly if you held it to a mirror. She got very good grades in standard classes, but it took mad discipline for her to sit in a hard plastic seat for so many hours with all that energy, and the tension she radiated when painstakingly piecing together essays at home or doing math was unnerving, like she was doing surgery for 8 hour blocks to write a paper. She is so so so so much happier as an adult using all that physical energy for work and projects, whirling along rather than having to sit still. Like she's always in motion unless she's crashed out sleeping, but she's so much more relaxed and cheerful, instead of that super intense and bottled stillness for so many hours.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 10, 2015 20:23:56 GMT -5
Life is not just about what YOU want. And, if mom, dad and grandma want the pleasure of seeing you in a cap and gown, then why wouldn't you?
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Apr 10, 2015 20:35:20 GMT -5
I just want to give another scenario ... a lot of the schools here (France) don't even DO graduation ceremonies! You provide an A4, self-addressed, stamped envelope, and voila, your diploma arrives in the mail a few weeks later. Hm. Of all the stories you have told us about how France is different than the US, I think this is the only one where I thought "wow, I like the French way. It really is very practical and logical." Yes, but very European. Few schools in the Netherlands have a graduation ceremony, but at least you don't have to pay toget them to send you your degree. That's as stingy as it gets!
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 10, 2015 20:39:43 GMT -5
Life is not just about what YOU want. And, if mom, dad and grandma want the pleasure of seeing you in a cap and gown, then why wouldn't you? Because life isn't solely about what mom, dad, grandma or kid wants either. Besides, please find me someone who actually likes sitting in a 3 hour ceremony that is nothing but platitudes, sappy songs and an endless recitation of names, most of which mean nothing to you. If you were to describe this custom to an alien who landed on this planet, the alien would conclude this type of treatment would or should be outlawed by the Geneva Convention and that we treat our enemies in a very unkind way if this is what they are subjected to.
And as a mom, I'd probably turn it around and say that nobody actually enjoys the actual ceremonies themselves, so it seems like a lot to put everybody through just to see your kid in a cap and gown. If you want to see your kid in a cap and gown, dress them in it, take a picture and then celebrate by all going to do something fun that everybody will actually enjoy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 20:43:10 GMT -5
I'm really not sure how all the administrators and school officials survive these ceremonies. Heck, even as a parent watching someone you love, they're boring sheer torture. I can't even imagine being required to be there as part of a job.
There should be a movement to limit all foo foo ceremonies to 30 minutes or less. And the hook should be that if they don't get it done in 30 minutes, your pizza is free.
But then again, I think this about pretty much any ceremony. Including - or especially - weddings, funerals, awards, inaugurations, etc. 30 minutes of sitting in bored silence is plenty of time for loved ones to show they care. Anything more than that and you're just tormenting them for fun. I went to a cheer competition for 2 of my granddaughters. Sat there for several hours waiting for their time up. The woman in front of me started cheering for her kid, and after I told her that I thought her kid was on the same squad as my grandkids. They were and I had just missed them. Even when I know it is their time up, there is so much movement over the floor, I can not keep track of where they are and feel happy if I saw just a part of their routine.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 10, 2015 20:46:12 GMT -5
Life is not just about what YOU want. And, if mom, dad and grandma want the pleasure of seeing you in a cap and gown, then why wouldn't you? Because life isn't solely about what mom, dad, grandma or kid wants either. Besides, please find me someone who actually likes sitting in a 3 hour ceremony that is nothing but platitudes, sappy songs and an endless recitation of names, most of which mean nothing to you. If you were to describe this custom to an alien who landed on this planet, the alien would conclude this type of treatment would or should be outlawed by the Geneva Convention and that we treat our enemies in a very unkind way if this is what they are subjected to.
And as a mom, I'd probably turn it around and say that nobody actually enjoys the actual ceremonies themselves, so it seems like a lot to put everybody through just to see your kid in a cap and gown. If you want to see your kid in a cap and gown, dress them in it, take a picture and then celebrate by all going to do something fun that everybody will actually enjoy.
Because mom and dad and grandma most likely helped support you while you got the degree. And, as boring as it is, many people consider that a wonderful milestone. So, yeah, the feelings of my parents would absolutely be my deciding factor.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 20:54:43 GMT -5
Life is not just about what YOU want. And, if mom, dad and grandma want the pleasure of seeing you in a cap and gown, then why wouldn't you? ? If that was directed at me, for sure, we live among people. If parents pay tons for a degree, I could see them having a strong voice in deciding how celebration portions will be handled, like if parents are paying a lot of money for a wedding. If they're not paying a ton though, why have someone be uncomfortable for a celebration, a happy event, if it would make someone jittery and shy? People on the boards say to do what makes people happy for a wedding, don't let family put too much pressure on to do things certain ways if that's not what's wanted. Older sis got a full ride for her degree, and younger sis and I went the CC/transfer/scholarship applications routes, so there wasn't a ton of financial skin in the game for any of us. Dad's fanciest outfit is a white turtleneck with black jeans. They're not formal event people. They figured we could pick how we wanted to celebrate though, and they'd cheer for us in whatever way we wanted.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 10, 2015 20:56:14 GMT -5
Because life isn't solely about what mom, dad, grandma or kid wants either. Besides, please find me someone who actually likes sitting in a 3 hour ceremony that is nothing but platitudes, sappy songs and an endless recitation of names, most of which mean nothing to you. If you were to describe this custom to an alien who landed on this planet, the alien would conclude this type of treatment would or should be outlawed by the Geneva Convention and that we treat our enemies in a very unkind way if this is what they are subjected to.
And as a mom, I'd probably turn it around and say that nobody actually enjoys the actual ceremonies themselves, so it seems like a lot to put everybody through just to see your kid in a cap and gown. If you want to see your kid in a cap and gown, dress them in it, take a picture and then celebrate by all going to do something fun that everybody will actually enjoy.
Because mom and dad and grandma most likely helped support you while you got the degree. And, as boring as it is, many people consider that a wonderful milestone. So, yeah, the feelings of my parents would absolutely be my deciding factor. This is interesting coming from someone who is so violently opposed to sports teams giving out awards for participation. Because that's pretty much what a graduation ceremony (at most public high schools - don't get me started on the endless Middle School Moving Up, Elementary Graduation, etc.) is. Yay! You attended class for 4 years and managed to pass! You're so special that someone is willing to sit for 3 hours on the most uncomfortable seat on the planet for the opportunity to hear your name read and see you walk across a stage for 10 seconds! Yay, you!
I suspect there are many of us out there who feel the whole thing is a pretty awful way to treat our loved ones, it's just not considered PC to say it so they suffer in silence.
I think we should start a movement to end the madness. I supported the heck out of my kids to get their degree and the best possible gift they could give me is not to torture me by making me sit through another lousy ceremony. Let's go celebrate ourselves in a way that's special and meaningful to us instead. Let's actually do something as a family that excites us and that we can enjoy together.
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