Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,892
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Post by Cookies Galore on Apr 3, 2015 10:44:12 GMT -5
Oh! Lol... Cuz I DEFINITELY don't do it on the first date! That's your problem! Lol
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Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 3, 2015 11:03:48 GMT -5
One of my coworkers briefly dated a guy who had major issues with her job. Better to find out upfront. Now I know some people try to flaunt degrees and put people down but this girl is nothing like that. And frankly I don't think GS-13 has you rolling in dough in the DC/Baltimore area. Comfortable sure, rich no. What problems did he have? That she made too much?
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wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
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Post by wvugurl26 on Apr 3, 2015 11:21:33 GMT -5
One of my coworkers briefly dated a guy who had major issues with her job. Better to find out upfront. Now I know some people try to flaunt degrees and put people down but this girl is nothing like that. And frankly I don't think GS-13 has you rolling in dough in the DC/Baltimore area. Comfortable sure, rich no. What problems did he have? That she made too much? I'm sure money was part of it but I think he was intimidated she's a senior auditor for an inspector general. He was a filmmaker I think? The problem was likely he was intimidated she had her act together.
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HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 3, 2015 11:45:03 GMT -5
Having a graduate degree and being older is the kiss of death for relationships. I don't think the right kind of men (for me) want women who are as smart as they are. The men tend to want to date "down." So MJ2.0, did I read somewhere on this board that you are considering graduate school? Don't do it if you want to succeed in a relationship. I know this sounds like an urban legend, but I've been told to my face "You have a PhD? See ya." (not in so many words)
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MJ2.0
Senior Associate
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 3, 2015 12:17:32 GMT -5
I'm now heavily considering a 2nd Bachelor's degree instead - is that better? that seems a waste of effort, did you give up on the master's degree idea? After some input on my thread and more conversation with another poster, I think I might have found a much better fit for me and what I'm looking for. That happens to be a bachelor's degree program.
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seriousthistime
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 20:27:07 GMT -5
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Post by seriousthistime on Apr 3, 2015 12:36:55 GMT -5
Having a graduate degree and being older is the kiss of death for relationships. I don't think the right kind of men (for me) want women who are as smart as they are. The men tend to want to date "down." So MJ2.0, did I read somewhere on this board that you are considering graduate school? Don't do it if you want to succeed in a relationship. I know this sounds like an urban legend, but I've been told to my face "You have a PhD? See ya." (not in so many words) And yet the men in this town who have Ph.Ds expect the women to be impressed. One contacted me a number of years ago when I had a profile on Match and invited me to one of his lectures in a big lecture hall. (You know, "stop by Room XXX, Such-and-Such Hall, T-Th from 1:00 to 2:15, and after the lecture come up and say hi." ) He also told me I would be impressed with the lecture, which was in an advanced STEM field not remotely related to my field or in a topic of interest to me.
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TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
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Post by TheHaitian on Apr 3, 2015 12:38:34 GMT -5
I know this sounds like an urban legend, but I've been told to my face "You have a PhD? See ya." (not in so many words) And yet the men in this town who have Ph.Ds expect the women to be impressed. One contacted me a number of years ago when I had a profile on Match and invited me to one of his lectures in a big lecture hall. (You know, "stop by Room XXX, Such-and-Such Hall, T-Th from 1:00 to 2:15, and after the lecture come up and say hi." ) He also told me I would be impressed with the lecture, which was in an advanced STEM field not remotely related to my field or in a topic of interest to me. Talk about being full of yourself!!!
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Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
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Post by Lizard Queen on Apr 3, 2015 12:46:21 GMT -5
I know this sounds like an urban legend, but I've been told to my face "You have a PhD? See ya." (not in so many words) And yet the men in this town who have Ph.Ds expect the women to be impressed. One contacted me a number of years ago when I had a profile on Match and invited me to one of his lectures in a big lecture hall. (You know, "stop by Room XXX, Such-and-Such Hall, T-Th from 1:00 to 2:15, and after the lecture come up and say hi." ) He also told me I would be impressed with the lecture, which was in an advanced STEM field not remotely related to my field or in a topic of interest to me. Under different circumstances and with a different attitude, this seems like a pretty good way to meet someone to me. Gives you something to talk about, get to know a little about what they do, if you're not remotely attracted, just duck out the door...
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 3, 2015 12:46:49 GMT -5
You dodged a bullet there.
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The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
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Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
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Post by The Captain on Apr 3, 2015 12:55:51 GMT -5
Having a graduate degree and being older is the kiss of death for relationships. I don't think the right kind of men (for me) want women who are as smart as they are. The men tend to want to date "down." So MJ2.0, did I read somewhere on this board that you are considering graduate school? Don't do it if you want to succeed in a relationship. No, NO, NO! MJ2.0 - don't listen to them. DH was finishing up his undergrad when we started dating. I was already in the workforce for several years and starting on my masters. He knew when we started dating that he would never "catch up" to me and was totally ok with it. You are an intelligent, strong woman. I can't help but think you will be unhappy with anyone who is not ok with that, and (possibly) with you being more successful than they are. They are out there, you just have to be patient.
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MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 3, 2015 13:08:54 GMT -5
Having a graduate degree and being older is the kiss of death for relationships. I don't think the right kind of men (for me) want women who are as smart as they are. The men tend to want to date "down." So MJ2.0, did I read somewhere on this board that you are considering graduate school? Don't do it if you want to succeed in a relationship. No, NO, NO! MJ2.0 - don't listen to them. DH was finishing up his undergrad when we started dating. I was already in the workforce for several years and starting on my masters. He knew when we started dating that he would never "catch up" to me and was totally ok with it. You are an intelligent, strong woman. I can't help but think you will be unhappy with anyone who is not ok with that, and (possibly) with you being more successful than they are. They are out there, you just have to be patient. Thank you, but I know. I was with someone for 12 years who would have totally been okay with me being a Nobel Prize winner and him having an average job. Things may not have worked out between us, but he has some very good qualities - that was one of them. I have NO problem seeing a guy who was an mechanic or an OR tech or something. They are good, honest jobs that are important. As long as you're a decent person, can hold a somewhat intelligent conversation, and have your shit together, who cares what letters come after your name?
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The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
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Post by The Captain on Apr 3, 2015 13:21:11 GMT -5
No, NO, NO! MJ2.0 - don't listen to them. DH was finishing up his undergrad when we started dating. I was already in the workforce for several years and starting on my masters. He knew when we started dating that he would never "catch up" to me and was totally ok with it. You are an intelligent, strong woman. I can't help but think you will be unhappy with anyone who is not ok with that, and (possibly) with you being more successful than they are. They are out there, you just have to be patient. Thank you, but I know. I was with someone for 12 years who would have totally been okay with me being a Nobel Prize winner and him having an average job. Things may not have worked out between us, but he has some very good qualities - that was one of them. I have NO problem seeing a guy who was an mechanic or an OR tech or something. They are good, honest jobs that are important. As long as you're a decent person, can hold a somewhat intelligent conversation, and have your shit together, who cares what letters come after your name?
I have to quote this just so I can "like" it again!
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CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
Posts: 6,364
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Post by CarolinaKat on Apr 3, 2015 13:49:39 GMT -5
I have to quote this just so I can "like" it again! LOL, I'd require something above a ability to hold a "somewhat intelligent conversation". however - very interesting advice on the: I am truly flummoxed that anyone would want to water themselves down to "succeed in a relationship" While I don't doubt that there are some individuals who want to date "down" - are some people seriously going to dumb themselves down so they qualify as "down"? I'm having visions of stepford here, lol. Is a "successful relationship" really worth not being you? not being your best? not seeing how far you can go?
Is it really better to walk 10 steps behind someone, and never stretch your own legs for fear of outpacing them?
I'm honestly trying to wrap my head around this. It boggles my mind.
Is it 1950? NO, no and no. But let me give you my personal example: DH was shy around women. If not for his buddy signing him up for internet dating DH probably wouldn't have even done that. It apparently took DH several weeks to send me an e-mail through said site. He had convinced himself, in his head, that I already didn't like him (he admitted this to me). If I had stated my degree and profession on the site, it likely would have convinced him that I was a lost cause before he ever sent the 'send message' button. Once we went on a date and enjoyed ourselves, he wasn't scared of me anymore. Actually, he was persistent until I realized that I was ready for a serious relationship again. DH is not resentful of the fact I have more education than him. He's not resentful of the fact I earn 2.5-3x what he earns in a year. In fact, he wants me to do what's best for me, and if I decided that was a PhD, then he'd support that too. I don't feel that I watered myself down to attract dates; I just didn't think it was anybody's business what I did for a living and what degree I had if they were only going to look at a 2 paragraph summary. If they were interested in those things, well then they'd have to get in touch.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 3, 2015 14:07:13 GMT -5
DH is thrilled that I'm "smart" and he thinks im smarter than he is. He'd love for me to finish my book, get it published, and happily live off me forever!!! Don't settle for anyone who wants to build themselves up by cutting you down. That's a form of abuse
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CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
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Post by CarolinaKat on Apr 3, 2015 14:11:50 GMT -5
DH is thrilled that I'm "smart" and he thinks im smarter than he is. He'd love for me to finish my book, get it published, and happily live off me forever!!! Don't settle for anyone who wants to build themselves up by cutting you down. That's a form of abuse You're writing a book? FINISH IT! That way we can read it
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 3, 2015 14:13:28 GMT -5
Well, I keep getting sidetracked by DH himself. Silly man!
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TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
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Post by TheHaitian on Apr 3, 2015 16:40:08 GMT -5
No, NO, NO! MJ2.0 - don't listen to them. DH was finishing up his undergrad when we started dating. I was already in the workforce for several years and starting on my masters. He knew when we started dating that he would never "catch up" to me and was totally ok with it. You are an intelligent, strong woman. I can't help but think you will be unhappy with anyone who is not ok with that, and (possibly) with you being more successful than they are. They are out there, you just have to be patient. Thank you, but I know. I was with someone for 12 years who would have totally been okay with me being a Nobel Prize winner and him having an average job. Things may not have worked out between us, but he has some very good qualities - that was one of them. I have NO problem seeing a guy who was an mechanic or an OR tech or something. They are good, honest jobs that are important. As long as you're a decent person, can hold a somewhat intelligent conversation, and have your shit together, who cares what letters come after your name? So if I may ask... Why didn't it work out? Your ex seems like a good guy and great father ... Just unfortunate to have nut jobs for parents and siblings.
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
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Post by swamp on Apr 3, 2015 17:04:32 GMT -5
Having a graduate degree and being older is the kiss of death for relationships. I don't think the right kind of men (for me) want women who are as smart as they are. The men tend to want to date "down." So MJ2.0, did I read somewhere on this board that you are considering graduate school? Don't do it if you want to succeed in a relationship. No, NO, NO! MJ2.0 - don't listen to them. DH was finishing up his undergrad when we started dating. I was already in the workforce for several years and starting on my masters. He knew when we started dating that he would never "catch up" to me and was totally ok with it. You are an intelligent, strong woman. I can't help but think you will be unhappy with anyone who is not ok with that, and (possibly) with you being more successful than they are. They are out there, you just have to be patient. I had just graduated law school when I met DH. He only had an associates degree at the time. He was fine with that. Actually, he found it attractive.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 3, 2015 17:12:31 GMT -5
Heck yeah!
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Robert not Bobby
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 29, 2013 17:45:55 GMT -5
Posts: 1,392
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Apr 3, 2015 17:16:08 GMT -5
Dating after 26 is OK.
There is nothing better than the rush that comes over you, that you will be meeting a new lady in half an hour...the possibilities?
And you always look your best and try to impress each other...it is a dance that has been danced for thousands of years.
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vonna
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 11, 2012 15:58:51 GMT -5
Posts: 1,249
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Post by vonna on Apr 3, 2015 17:24:35 GMT -5
In the years that I was a single mom and dating, I had fun! Probably because I had NO intention of ever marrying again, or at least until my son was grown.
But, I screwed up sometime along the way an ended up not only remarried, but had another kid!
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 1:25:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 17:43:01 GMT -5
I like dating. It's fun. Until you decide maybe it's time you start to be open to the idea of something more than just keeping everything fun and games. Then you meet someone that really likes you, you really like them, and both of you want to just enjoy getting to know each other and see what happens. And then their life goes haywire and they get all stressed out and you fade into the background because of all the serious shit they're dealing with and you haven't known each other long enough to have the kind of bond to just ride it out. Then dating sucks.
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MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 3, 2015 17:45:32 GMT -5
Thank you, but I know. I was with someone for 12 years who would have totally been okay with me being a Nobel Prize winner and him having an average job. Things may not have worked out between us, but he has some very good qualities - that was one of them. I have NO problem seeing a guy who was an mechanic or an OR tech or something. They are good, honest jobs that are important. As long as you're a decent person, can hold a somewhat intelligent conversation, and have your shit together, who cares what letters come after your name? So if I may ask... Why didn't it work out? Your ex seems like a good guy and great father ... Just unfortunate to have nut jobs for parents and siblings. He has always meant well but he had some anxiety issues for a long time that made him pretty controlling. I was afraid to be without him so I put up with it for a long time - missed out on making new friends and being able to go on new adventures with him. Also hurt the relationships I had. I had self esteem issues for a long time and convinced myself that he was better than the alternative (with absolutely no proof otherwise). Turns out I really wanted and/or needed those extra life experiences after all. It didn't help that I finally had it with the controlling behavior.
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seriousthistime
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 20:27:07 GMT -5
Posts: 5,005
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Post by seriousthistime on Apr 3, 2015 20:21:31 GMT -5
I think that when you're younger and there's a significant mismatch in educational level, it's more easily overlooked because there are still possibilities. Some people have less educational drive when they're young, and they catch up later. Swamp, didn't your DH become a pharmacist? I can think of other posters on here who have different educational levels than their spouses but it works for them because they met when they were younger, maybe even at a time when their educational levels were the same and then one of them focused on education and the other didn't.
That's a different thing than at age 40 or 50 when the dating pool is draining quickly.
There are always exceptions. I know a woman with a Ph.D. who married a car mechanic. She'd been married to someone with a Ph.D. in a different field and divorced him. She didn't like feeling she was competing. I also know a man with a Ph.D. who's had three wives. Each one didn't have a bachelor's degree when they married, and the first wife didn't have any college at all. Each of the marriages fell apart as the women became more educated. HE didn't like the competition.
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Artemis Windsong
Senior Associate
The love in me salutes the love in you. M. Williamson
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:32:12 GMT -5
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Today's Mood: Twinkling
Location: Wishing Star
Favorite Drink: Fresh, clean cold bottled water.
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Apr 3, 2015 20:26:47 GMT -5
Is hindsight the time we can see what the motives, actions and inactions are?
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beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
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Post by beergut on Apr 4, 2015 3:20:16 GMT -5
Having a graduate degree and being older is the kiss of death for relationships. I don't think the right kind of men (for me) want women who are as smart as they are. The men tend to want to date "down." So MJ2.0, did I read somewhere on this board that you are considering graduate school? Don't do it if you want to succeed in a relationship. I'm gonna go ahead and call bullshit on this. One of my goals when actively dating was to find a girl of equal intelligence, to find someone with a graduate degree or even a doctorate would have simply made her more attractive. For the longest time, I was attracting women who were too obsequious, and I was convinced it was an intellectual issue. My reasoning was that if a woman was intelligent enough to obtain a graduate degree, she'd have a strong personality, and that was one of the things I was looking for. My GF is extremely bright, and that is one of the first things that attracted me to her. Intelligence is sexy. Any guy who is intimidated by an intelligent woman isn't someone you want to date anyway.
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t-dog
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 17, 2011 13:46:06 GMT -5
Posts: 2,016
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Post by t-dog on Apr 4, 2015 4:59:14 GMT -5
I like dating. It's fun. Until you decide maybe it's time you start to be open to the idea of something more than just keeping everything fun and games. Then you meet someone that really likes you, you really like them, and both of you want to just enjoy getting to know each other and see what happens. And then their life goes haywire and they get all stressed out and you fade into the background because of all the serious shit they're dealing with and you haven't known each other long enough to have the kind of bond to just ride it out. Then dating sucks. This sums up my recent experience to a T.
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tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
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Post by tloonya on Apr 4, 2015 8:58:58 GMT -5
I don't think I'm over thinking it. I just don't seem to move in the same circles as single guys do. I though nowadays there is no problem to find a date because of an Internet.
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tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
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Post by tloonya on Apr 4, 2015 9:28:27 GMT -5
I like dating. It's fun. Until you decide maybe it's time you start to be open to the idea of something more than just keeping everything fun and games. Then you meet someone that really likes you, you really like them, and both of you want to just enjoy getting to know each other and see what happens. And then their life goes haywire and they get all stressed out and you fade into the background because of all the serious shit they're dealing with and you haven't known each other long enough to have the kind of bond to just ride it out. Then dating sucks. This sums up my recent experience to a T. What does all this means?
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tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
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Post by tloonya on Apr 4, 2015 9:33:57 GMT -5
I've been off and on dating sites since college. They're a lot better when you're not looking for something serious. I paid for a membership with one and didn't get a single date and the only guys that messaged me were overweight or old enough to be my father - biggest waste of money ever. Your standards must be lowered, we have established that
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