beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 13, 2015 0:46:22 GMT -5
My grandmother had pancreatic cancer. They gave her six months, she lived a year and a half.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Mar 13, 2015 2:14:04 GMT -5
It wasn't the stage 4 kidney cancer that killed my sister, it was the second cancer that she got in her bones that killed her. She felt it in Christmas 2013 and died on July 14, 2014. I hope for the best.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Mar 13, 2015 6:34:48 GMT -5
Money does not have control over you unless you allow it. And how someone else does or doesnt' spend their money need not even be on one's radar. Yes, maybe some inheritance might come due to some, or it might not. But, if you don't control how they spend their money, then what does it matter? If you wind up getting some inheritance in the end, then it is a nice windfall, if not, it doesn't matter.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 13, 2015 8:59:47 GMT -5
Moneymom, I hope your MIL surprises you (healthwise, I mean). I hope so, but if she has bone fractures from the cancer, she needs to start planning her last few weeks/months, sadly. Do you really **need** to plan it? It is going to happen. It might not happen the way you want it to - but it will happen, planning or no.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Mar 13, 2015 9:26:44 GMT -5
I hope so, but if she has bone fractures from the cancer, she needs to start planning her last few weeks/months, sadly. Do you really **need** to plan it? It is going to happen. It might not happen the way you want it to - but it will happen, planning or no. I think what was meant in terms of planning was to keep MIL comfortable and as pain-free as possible. Getting Hospice involved would be a form of planning. And if there is anything MIL wants to do (while she still can) in terms of visiting family, travel, selling/donating personal items, then that should be done, too. But only as much as MIL can do and is willing to do. As long as she is in full possession of her mental faculties, no one can make her do anything, sign anything or give away anything.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Mar 13, 2015 10:14:14 GMT -5
I hope so, but if she has bone fractures from the cancer, she needs to start planning her last few weeks/months, sadly. Do you really **need** to plan it? It is going to happen. It might not happen the way you want it to - but it will happen, planning or no. I meant getting her final ducks in a row if they weren't already. Burial plots vs cremation. Will updates. Letters to write and peole to call etc. There's a lot of choices to make and things to do if you are down to your final weeks rather suddenly.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2015 10:33:34 GMT -5
Do you really **need** to plan it? It is going to happen. It might not happen the way you want it to - but it will happen, planning or no. I meant getting her final ducks in a row if they weren't already. Burial plots vs cremation. Will updates. Letters to write and peole to call etc. There's a lot of choices to make and things to do if you are down to your final weeks rather suddenly. I think Tyhme's point is you don't really HAVE to do anything. If you get killed by a bus going home from work you skip all that and everything is fine. Well...not fine...but you're not going to care one way or another anymore.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 13, 2015 10:46:21 GMT -5
My grandmother had pancreatic cancer. They gave her six months, she lived a year and a half. So did my dad, but it wasn't what killed him. It was still in remission after a year. However, it was caught in an incredibly early stage.....early enough that it was not even visible by any of the imaging that they did. His gall bladder reinfected and he could not have surgery to remove it due to comorbid conditions. There are a lot of variables, and IME doctors would not give him any time he had left with regards to his pancreatic cancer. In the myriad of various doctor's appointments he had, the only 'time' scale that he was given was that even if he had the surgery, it would recur within 5 years.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 13, 2015 10:47:23 GMT -5
I hope so, but if she has bone fractures from the cancer, she needs to start planning her last few weeks/months, sadly. Do you really **need** to plan it? It is going to happen. It might not happen the way you want it to - but it will happen, planning or no. Planning is really not necessary, but it DOES make things easier on the people who need to pick up the pieces.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Mar 13, 2015 10:52:57 GMT -5
Exactly. You have enough to do when someone passes. We have a standard form we give end of life patients that has a variety of tasks they *may* consider doing, if they wish.
The last thing you want to do is to have one sibling demanded a catholic burial and another a cremation and be stuck.
Having your wishes known/official can make things a lot easier on people who are grieving.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 13, 2015 10:57:43 GMT -5
Exactly. You have enough to do when someone passes. We have a standard form we give end of life patients that has a variety of tasks they *may* consider doing, if they wish. The last thing you want to do is to have one sibling demanded a catholic burial and another a cremation and be stuck. Having your wishes known/official can make things a lot easier on people who are grieving. And sadly, even when you DO have everything set in stone.....it can still be even more difficult. I was listening to my dad's wife explain what she needed to go through just to change the car insurance (easy with USAA) and get the car reregistered in her name. It took 3 trips to the DMV to accomplish this.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 13, 2015 11:00:08 GMT -5
I also think it's a good idea to plan while you are competent enough to have input into your care and what you want.
It would have made life so much less stressful if my grandparents had made decisions while my grandfather was still able to do so. Then when the time came it would have been a relatively seamless transition as opposed to the mad scramble it turned out to be.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Mar 13, 2015 11:24:33 GMT -5
It can also make the person dying feel better. Just knowing they will be buried and not cremated may make some feel better while another may not care. It all depends on the person.
And I know some will not like this but I am a firm believer in not saying things that people don't actually need to hear if it doesn't actually matter. DH's brother died and had very specific ideas on how everything had to be done. The only issue is that he had absolutely no money to do those things. DH wanted to be "honest" and tell him the truth about what would happen based on the fact that we would have to be the ones paying for everything. I told him to keep his mouth shut and let his brother die not worrying about that.
I know some in the family were pissed that we didn't pay for the big funeral for him when he died, but none of them put up any money either.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 15, 2015 11:28:57 GMT -5
DH has survived a bout with a nasty infection. He has so many loose ends to tie up that as soon as his brain is working, I'm insisting he get it done. I don't care of the lawyer needs to come to icu. Not leaving a cluster for me to handle thank you very much.
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Mar 15, 2015 11:33:43 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 15, 2015 12:12:16 GMT -5
He's tired of it as well. But I get that he's sick and tired of being sick and tired. Nevertheless, he survived and now when his brain clears needs to get his affairs in order.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Mar 15, 2015 13:41:35 GMT -5
Sorry to hear about your DH's setback, zib. Sending good thoughts for an uneventful recovery and a speedy return to strength and health.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Mar 15, 2015 15:02:39 GMT -5
Well he survived so that's a first step.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 15, 2015 15:04:04 GMT -5
Yes it is!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 18:07:31 GMT -5
Zib I'm so sorry to hear that DH was ill again, but thank Gd he made it! I hope you both get a break soon.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Mar 15, 2015 19:27:38 GMT -5
Zib I'm so sorry to hear that DH was ill again, but thank Gd he made it! I hope you both get a break soon. Yeah that. (((((Hugs))))
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Mar 15, 2015 19:42:10 GMT -5
My grandmother had pancreatic cancer. They gave her six months, she lived a year and a half. My mom had it too and lived 20 days, you never know it can be faster or slower they can't say for sure.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 16, 2015 0:03:34 GMT -5
My grandmother had pancreatic cancer. They gave her six months, she lived a year and a half. My mom had it too and lived 20 days, you never know it can be faster or slower they can't say for sure. Not to be crass, but f*ck cancer.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Mar 16, 2015 3:48:17 GMT -5
My mom had it too and lived 20 days, you never know it can be faster or slower they can't say for sure. Not to be crass, but f*ck cancer. I hate that I can't like your post a billion times. There are no words to describe how much I hate cancer. I'm doing this post and I'm tearing up cause of all the good people we have all lost to this hideous damn disease.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 16, 2015 6:10:41 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 16, 2015 12:36:23 GMT -5
Yes, well, I can tell he's getting better. He's starting to complain. Sigh. He's mad because I wont check him out of here and into a hotel. Good grief.
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Mar 16, 2015 12:58:59 GMT -5
As usual Zib, I'm late to reading your posts. So sorry he has gone through all this, it's time for some progress and good news!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 16, 2015 13:02:36 GMT -5
Poor thing. I'm grateful, angry, relieved, mad, scared all at the same time!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Mar 16, 2015 14:44:35 GMT -5
Yes, well, I can tell he's getting better. He's starting to complain. Sigh. He's mad because I wont check him out of here and into a hotel. Good grief. A hotel? Why? So you can wait on him? Tell him to blow that suggestion out his posterior orifice. You do enough for him. He's in a hospital for a good damned reason. Get better and stay better and he gets his way.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 16, 2015 15:13:00 GMT -5
He's well enough to know it sucks being in the hospital. Even with a trache in, he's managing to snore!!! The nurse thinks it's hysterical. Sigh.
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